25

Sorry for the late post, but here it is. Sydney's causing some real trouble in this one.

"Thank you for seeing me," Sydney said stiffly as Jamie took a seat across from her.

She'd messaged him earlier in the day asking to meet at a diner near the Two Nine after his tour. The location and the curt texts had his Spidey senses tingling. It seemed odd to Jamie, but considering he was still playing house mouse, it was easy to clock out and meet her. Now that he was sitting here in front of her, she refused to look him in the eyes - something was definitely up. After accepting coffee from the waitress and declining anything else, he hoped to get to the reason for their impromptu gathering. "Of course, no problem. What's going on? Everything good with James? You didn't say much in your messages."

Sydney looked down, nervously turning the mug in her hands. "I didn't want to get into it with you that way."

"Into what?" he frowned.

"That," she said, finally looking at him as she pointed to the last of the bruising on his face.

"What? I'm not following." Then he realized this was the first time she'd seen him since she left for London and his altercation at work. He still showed some signs of the fight, but the swelling in his eye had mercifully dissipated. Light bruising in his eyelid and under eye area and the occasional twinge in his ribs remained.

"You never did," she scoffed, looking away from him because this was already hard enough to do as it was.

"What are you talking about, Syd?" Jamie asked, weary of her cryptic responses. This was about more than a few streaks on his face.

His response bothered her even more - that he was so oblivious, just like before. "He shouldn't have seen you that way, Jamie! After you were attacked. The last thing I wanted was for him to see this dangerous side of your job!" she hissed while still aware of their public surroundings.

"That's what this is about?" Jamie asked innocently, but he was still at a loss as to her anger.

"He was scared for you," she claimed, incensed that she had to be the one to tell him that about his own son.

Jamie was still confused and scrambling to piece together what had upset her to this level with the little information provided so far. Of course, if James was scared about this thing that happened at work, that would be the last thing he'd want. But Jamie thought he handled it with him already; he thought they were okay. "I'm fine. And he was fine, we talked about it, more than once even. I explained what happened."

What started as a miserable week with James' canceled trip to Philly and his ambush by a group of gang members, ended with father and son camped out in the apartment, watching movies each wanted the other to see and introducing James to card games while consuming a ton of food. Jamie was teaching James Texas Hold'em on the down low so they could surprise the others on game night, with the pot never consisting of anything more than M - Jamie assumed Sydney would take issue with the amount of sugar consumed more than the game itself. James could now say he'd seen and enjoyed Jaws and The Mighty Ducks while Jamie had been thrust into the world of Harry Potter despite the fact that he was only half-way through the first book. James insisted they start watching the movies and Jamie's new assignment was to report back on any differences between the books and the corresponding film. It gave them the chance to have some real father and son conversations. It was during those talks that Jamie made sure James was okay with everything that happened at work. Jamie answered all his questions regarding his job and he also caught a glimpse of how James saw ththings from his perspective. If there was one thing that was reaffirmed during their three weeks together, it was that he hit the jackpot with this kid.

"This time! What about the next time, Jamie?" Sydney argued.

Jamie shook his head, trying to make sense of what felt like Sydney overreacting, but he had to approach this the right way or risk setting Sydney off even further. If there was an issue with James, he would address it immediately. "Why are you going there? Did he say something? I'll talk to him again."

"I'm going there becuase he told me about this, which is more than you did," she accused. Her anger kept growing.

Was he being dense, because that confused him more. If something happened with James, of course he would have called his mother, but that wasn't the case here. He got knocked around, but made sure James was taken care of above all else. If she was mad that he didn't let her know about his own injuries, his inital response, which he kept to himself for now, was that she wasn't his person anymore and there was no reason he had to call her about it. The only issue was whether James was cared for, which he was. "You were away, Sydney. And I was fine. Yes, I got hurt, but Eddie, my dad, they backed me up with James. Why would I have bothered you about that?"

Sydney shook her head in disbelief. Why did she have to explain everything to him? "You reaching out to me about anything concerning James is not a bother, Jamie. And beaten black and blue and unable to get out of bed does not sound fine. The fact that James saw you like that does mean that you need to let me know about it. Do you even know what this did to him?"

She had come home from London, landing in New York in the middle of the afternoon, after several long weeks in the courtroom. Her only desire was to pick up James from camp early and spend the next week catching up with him and getting him ready for the new school year. The time away had been good for her, both professionally and personally, but the daily calls, texts and video chats weren't enough to stop her from terribly missing her little boy; they'd barely spent any time apart before London. Contact with Jamie during that time happened on a regular basis via calls and texts to reassure her that James was okay and to let her know about his decision on the Philly trip. She had considered herself lucky not to be the one to break that news to their son, but she was fully on board with his decision. She was even relieved that James seemed not to dwell on it too much during subsequent chats and was proud of how maturely he handled and accepted the disappointment. Then again, he clearly wasn't allowed to dwell on that when he had been dealing with his father's incident.

James was excited to see her and immediately recounted everything he did while she was away - a day trip out of the city to hike, afternoons to the pier for fishing, watching movies, a bike ride with Aunt Erin and Nicky, basketball with Sean and Jack, visiting his grandpas, Sunday dinners, of course, and family game night. It had all been great until he casually mentioned his dad getting hurt.

"We might have done more but dad was hurting so we just hung out. We went fishing after camp closer to his house, but watching me fish was the most he could do. But, boy, you shoulda seen the fish I caught! Dad says I'm becoming an expert fisherman!"

Sydney stopped shuffling through a large pile of mail when his words registered in her head. "Wait, what? James, what do you mean dad was hurting?"

"You know, when he got hurt on the job," he said from where he sat perched on a stool at the kitchen island. He'd been rambling on while flipping through some comic books his mom brought back from a shop in London. His legs swung back and forth from the excitement of seeing his mom, the gift and being back in his other home.

Her stomach clenched, although she was still utterly confused by what he meant. Sydney prodded for more information - this was the first she was hearing about any incident involving Jamie, but James was so casual about it, he seemed to think she already knew about it. "So tell me again, what was it that happened?"

"What?" James looked up from his comic book. He was the confused one now.

"About dad," she said.

He gave her a look but shrugged and went into it. "You know, he and his partner got a call and they went."

"And?"

"And there were some people there that didn't like cops and they beat them up really bad. It was five to two, mom! It coulda been worse but they fought hard until back up got there."

She closed her eyes, not only at the story she was hearing for the first time, but at the awe in her son's voice. When she opened them again, she frowned as James' expression suddenly fell and his head dipped down.

She moved towards him and gently rubbed his back. "What's the matter, honey?" she asked, worried over how this may have affected him.

James couldn't help it, but he thought again about how he felt when grandpa told him the news and when he first saw his dad. "It was kind of scary. The first thing I thought when I heard was that maybe he was gone like Uncle Joe, but grandpa said he was fine right away. When we got home, he was all black and blue and swollen. He couldn't even see out of one eye. It hurt him to move the first week after - busted ribs, he said," he explained, but clammed up suddenly. James was unable to confess to his mom about why it had been so much scarier for him. He still felt guilty about those angry words he said to his dad in the car and the silent treatment that followed. He regretted it all and never wanted those words to be the last ones he said to anyone. James didn't share that part because he was too ashamed even if dad said they were all good and grandpa said to consider it a life lesson. His mom would be disappointed, it wasn't the way she raised him to be and he knew it even as the words left his mouth. He also knew his dad well enough now to know it wasn't the way he thought people should be treated either. Thankfully, he also believed in forgiveness and giving people a second chance. They were good, buit he'd always remember what he did.

Her breath stuttered in her chest. Sydney interpreted James' sudden shut down as a sign of trauma, when really, it was her own that was reignited. This is how it began for them. It was what she ran from, what she was afraid of all along about being with Jamie and raising a child with him. Now he was putting James through all of the hurt she tried to avoid. She reached for James and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. That's not what I want for you."

James frowned at his mom's mushiness, figuring it was because she was finally back home with him. So just like that, as if a switch was flipped, he moved on to what he considered to be the coolest part of all of this. "It's okay. You should have seen him mom, dad had a wicked black eye! He actually looked pretty cool, like an action hero who took on a bunch of bad guys and won in the end! They even arrested them. Well, most of them - one ran away but they got him in the end. It's not the first time it's happened either. Last time he was undercover and had to swallow something, which is gross, but anyway, he was undercover, like a spy. Being a cop is so cool..maybe I can be one someday too." He'd never thought about it before and it wasn't anything he spent any considerable time thinking about, but it was there. After he got over the initial scare, he really understood how brave his dad and other cops were to go out there and fight the bad guys everyday. He was some kind of hero and he couldn't help wanting to be like him.

His words weren't intended to unknowingly scare his mother, but they did. They set Sydney off, especially 'maybe I can be one someday too.' There were two things she did not want for her son: for James to suffer through seeing his father hurt or killed for a job and have it turn into some sort of hero worship. She was around when Joe was killed in the line of duty and it was what sent Jamie to the NYPD. Joe became some sort of hero to him that he needed to emulate. That was the second thing she didn't want for him - for James to do the same and face those dangers himself as a police officer.

That version of the incident was what she assumed was shared with her ten year old. Knowing there was more to it, she found the actual details through a quick search of local news stories. Not taking into account that the media tended to exaggerate, they reported that two unidentified New York City police officers were ambushed and beaten within an inch of their lives, all for some sort of gang initiation. Regrettably, that search led her down a troublesome rabbit hole. Jamie was a member of police royalty; anything having to do with a Reagan in this city was reported to the public. Over the years, she purposely ignored anything having to do with the NYPD whatsoever; that was not a part of her life anymore. What she was really doing was sticking her head in the sand, afraid of ever seeing Jamie's face or name, not wanting to feel guiltier for keeping James a secret and too afraid to ever learn that her son's father had been hurt or worse - killed in the line of duty like his brother. Somehow, she'd been successful in her efforts, all except for that one wedding photo and glimpses of headlines she then purposely ignored. Now she was familiar with his career and the dangers he had already faced - targeted by dirty cops, thrown down a flight of stairs, shot and killed a business man in the park and another ambush by a gang that culminated in the death of his partner. It easily could have been him that day and it could have been him a few weeks ago. Her mind was spinning. There could be so much more she didn't find or wasn't reported, which was probably for the best.

James was now comparing his dad to an action hero in the movies who could fight off the bad guys and win every time. Getting attacked now made him a hero in James' eyes. That left her seething and terrified, like she had been so many years ago. It was what she ran from back then, what she wanted to keep James away from and why she put off telling Jamie about James. She now had those same emotions that consumed her when she first realized the dangers Jamie would face on the job - when their relationship fell apart. They all resurfaced and they would be fears and concerns that both she and James would now have to endure. They were always there just below the surface. Ever since that day Jamie brought James home, she tried to keep them buried for the sake of his relationship with his father. For that reason, Sydney spent days after learning of the incident trying to gather her wits, but all it did was upset her more until she came to a realization.

"Syd, what could you have done? You were on another continent." He wasn't trying to be flippant, but it was an honest question. James was taken care of, he was okay. And so was he, eventually.

To Sydney, his remark was a slap in the face. "Don't put it on me thinking I could go away and trust you to take care of him," she spat back.

Jamie stared back at her, at a loss for words. He did not see her coming at him this way. "But you can. I did."

"I can't do this." Sydney shook her head, again, questioning every decision she'd made when it came to James and his father. Putting his name on the birth certificate, giving him the Reagan name and staying in the city left the door open for all of this to happen. He never would have come back into her life if she hadn't made those decisions with her heart.

"Can't do what?" he asked, but deep down he knew what she meant. His stomach twisted as he thought of all the steps they'd taken so far to clarify their agreement where joint legal and physical custody of James was concerned. "Syd, we're finishing up all of the paperwork. We're so close to signing and submitting the agreed plan to the court to make it all official. I'm supposed to have him this weekend." He hadn't seen him in over a week, since Sydney came home from overseas.

"Nothing is official yet," she countered, devoid of all emotion. She was struggling not to let him see that this was hurting her too because she was the one that was going to have to break the news to James. She was also choosing to ignore that this hurt Jamie as well.

"Don't do this again," he pleaded quietly. He and James had worked so hard to build their relationship. Jamie felt more like his father than some guy that took him out for a good time. He and Sydney had worked even harder to be patient with each other and work on a formal custody agreement. Attorneys were informally consulted, but only to make sure the agreement was fair to both of them. Overall, they collaborated on it together. He was proud of that up until now.

"Do what again? Make decisions that are in my son's best interests?"

"He's our son," he gritted. Jamie couldn't believe this was happening again.

"I can't let him live with the constant fear that his father could not come home someday because of some, some job. What do I tell him next time it's something worse than a beating?" She couldn't have James living the way she did at the end of their relationship. And it wasn't just him now. James had grown fond of Eddie too. What if something happened to her? She practically had to worry about the whole damn family.

Jamie was gobsmacked that she'd use it this way, although he shouldn't be. It was the reason he missed out on the first nine years of James's life. "What would you have me do, Sydney? Is that what this is about?" he asked.

"What?" she shot back.

"That I didn't leave the job for you. Are you asking me to do that now for James so that I can see him? To prove I can be his father?" he asked.

"Would you?" Sydney asked. Sadly, she knew the answer already. That was why she needed to do this.

"That's not fair," he argued.

She was right. "So it's a no."

"Don't do this," he begged calmly while his heart hammered away in his chest.

"I think it's best if we stopped the visits," she added.

Jamie was panicking on the inside. "Until when?" he asked.

She looked down, unable to voice her answer, but her message was clear.

"So that's it, huh? You think you can make all of the decisions?" Jamie returned harshly. He was the angry one now.

"That's the way it's been for ten years and we've gotten by just fine," Sydney declared. Selfishly, she was desperate to go back to the way things were before Jamie came back into her life.

The pain that statement caused him was palpable. His jaw clenched before he could speak. "Until he pieced together who his father was and went out looking for me. What? I'm just supposed to stop seeing him? Talking to him? Should I pretend he doesn't exist? Do you expect it to be out of sight, out of mind for him? Are you going to tell him why this is happening or will you let him think I'm walking out like his stepfather did? That's what started all of this!" he asked in rapid succession.

"Don't bring him into this!" That had her snapping back at him, despite Jamie being right.

"You can't do this, Sydney. There's no order on custody. Whether you like it or not, both of our names are on his birth certificate and we both have a say on anything having to do with our son," Jamie stated. Despite thinking it wouldn't be necessary, he'd studied up on New York family law. He also had Erin's law school classmate guiding him through the custody agreement process. Now it seemed that he might need to formally retain her. Things would be easier with an agreement in place, but the lack of one didn't mean he had no rights to his own kid. "Don't make this worse for him," he begged.

Sydney gathered her bag and stood up to leave without looking at him. "I'm not doing that. You are."