A/N: this is my little alternate universe. Mrs. Mallard isn't dead, Ziva didn't go off the rails, Fornell didn't re-marry the mutual ex and Ducky is still an only child. Just checking that we're all on the same page.

February, 2013

All Things Are Relative.
All Relatives Are Things.
My Relatives Stole All My Things!

Our extended NCIS family gets invited to every family party and event Ducky and I throw. Unless there is a conflict, they show up and participate enthusiastically (even the little kid birthday games). They know that they are welcome to bring friends and/or dates, just let us know how many warm bodies to expect.

So when I called Gibbs to remind him that the next Saturday we were having the joint Mother/Charlie birthday party, he hesitated. Leroy Jethro Gibbs hesitated.

"I'm going to have a houseguest," he finally explained.

"Bring her along."

"It's not a her."

Hmmm. "Okay, bring him along."

"His house is being fumigated—" he broke off. "You sure?"

"Oh, Gibbs, just shut up and be here, okay?"

That Saturday morning he showed up, bringing with him a guy in his general age range, a little shorter and a lot balder. He was also possessed of a winning smile and a quick wit and was well known to the rest of the NCIS contingent, getting catcalls when he entered the backyard. "Hey, Toby!" "Fornell!" "Uh-oh, FBI in the hood, lock up the good silver, Ducky!"

"Cute, Di-not-so, cute," Fornell shot back. "Sorry for Gibbs' appalling lack of manners, Mrs. Mallard, I think he was raised by wolves. Tobias Fornell." He held out his hand.

Firm handshake. "Sandy, please. Mrs. Mallard is my mother-in-law. Glad to have you join the party."

"I wasn't raised by wolves. Just married one," Gibbs muttered.

"Gibbs and I have an unusual history," Fornell explained with a rueful look that bordered on a smirk. "I made the mistake of marrying his ex-wife. One of his ex-wives. Now my ex-wife."

My 'ah' was lost in Gibbs' comment, "I warned you…"

Lexi was looking up at Gibbs and Fornell with a thoughtful expression. "So… does that make you ex-husbands-in-law?"

Fornell gave a bark of a laugh and Gibbs cracked a smile. "Should we get you matching t-shirts for Christmas?" Ducky suggested.

Fornell gave us a wry scoff as Gibbs followed Lexi's tugging hand. "Club jackets are more like it."

Ex-husbands-in-law (and ex-wives-in-law, but not as popular) is now a common phrase. I doubt my friends were the ones to coin it, but the first time we ran into the expression was a good 15 years ago. A friend and her husband moved back into town; her adult daughter was living here and told mom that dad (ex-husband) had also moved back home a few months before. The daughter told her parents that she expected them to act like adults and if they couldn't be cordial…fake it. They did, and the current and ex husbands discovered they had a lot of interests in common and actually became good friends (much to the amusement of the wife/ex-wife). The gents went to a gun show together and were chatting at one of the booths; the vendor put two and two together and was baffled to come up with five. "Wait… your wife… is his ex-wife?" They suddenly realized how odd this might look to some people. The current husband (Jimmy-Don't from chapter 63) just gave him a bright smile and said, "Yeah, we're ex-husbands-in-law." The vendor was even more verklempt, but just let it slide and a good family story was born.