GreedEman: Fun chapter! Is Hanako an OC? Tried googling her but nothing concrete came up
Re: She's a character from Nurse Hitomi's Monster Infirmary, but the problem is there doesn't seem to be a dedicated Fan Wiki, so I had to do most of the research myself.
That and, like I said in the AN, she's never actually referred to by-name in the Canon, only as "Class Rep", so Spaceman and I had to come up with one from scratch.
Not to mention, many other characters are only referred to by their family names, so Spaceman had to give several characters given names with double-meanings in MHA's vein.
*AHA*
I knew my new family would take a lot of heat after I played my hand like that, but it didn't really dawn on me just how-much I'd be putting them on the spot until I found a wall of protesters in front of our apartment building the day I got out of quarantine. I'd only driven past such lines in my previous life from the safety of my car, so to find myself having to shoulder my way through one… It was an interesting experience.
Or at least it would've been, were I foolish enough to tackle that line of protesters head-on.
"Hey! There he is!" one of the protesters cried as I approached the front gate, making a show of being startled before biking past them and around the corner.
The protesters chasing after me, spewing some nonsense about firearms and/or animal cruelty, and even the occasional "god's plan" nonsense, when they rounded the corner, a pretty wolf-like Heteromorph standing at an intersection called out-
"He went that way!"
-stemming the tide of protesters and sending them on a wild goose chase in the opposite direction.
As for me, with Polt's help on the matter, I was able to make a circuit around my apartment building's fence and make it inside without any problems.
"Thanks for the help, Polt-san."
"You're welcome!" the pretty Heteromorph grinned. "Just keep on keeping on! I'm sure this'll blow over!"
"God I hope so…" I sighed as I collapsed my Support Bike into its carry-on form and made my way inside, my cooler filled with ikejime'd American Catfish in my free arm. "Is it something in the water that makes everyone fucking nuts, or are all the crazies living around me?"
Thank god I have a perfectly ordinary evening of homework and VRing waiting for me.
At least after I gut & filet all these smelly fish.
"Hi there!" a pretty pale-blue-skinned woman with long pale lilac hair parted on the right, green irises with black sclera, and clad in stylish clothes that boldly clashed with her physical characteristics greeted as soon as I entered the lobby.
"Hi…" I returned warily. Her raw… gumption, was weirding me out a little.
"I'm Kizuki Chitose, News Publication Executive for Shoowaysha Publishing," she greeted, holding out a business card, which I politely took.
'Shoowaysha? Like the publishing company 'Shueisha'…?' I blinked as I gave the card a once-over.
"I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time~"
"Sorry, miss, but I don't make it a habit of talking to strangers. Let alone the press."
"Oh, don't worry about that. I already cleared it up with Smith-san. We are good to go!" she grinned as she held out her phone, which I warily put to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Take-chan, I guess you managed to get past the protesters, eh?"
"Pain in my ass is what it is…" I grumble. "Anyway, who's the pretty Blue Man groupie?"
"Again with the retro lingo…" Kuroko groaned. "Back on topic; she's the News Publication Executive for Shoowaysha Publishing. Didn't she hand you her business card?"
"And I should trust her… why exactly?"
"Because her stories stretch far and wide, and she's a good friend to have~" Takei could practically hear her grin. "No, but in all seriousness, this is a great opportunity to plead your case before the court of public opinion. You're really lucky she took a personal interest in your case. I'm sure you'll be able to come out of this media shitstorm smelling like roses."
"Well I'm sorry if I didn't get to use P-chan against a human Villain."
"Hoh~ Given her a name already, have you?"
"She's a little sweetheart who saved my life; don't change the subject," I groaned as I rubbed the bridge of my nose, my face feeling warm. " . . . So I should just tell her everything?"
"It couldn't hurt. Only reason things aren't any worse is because there were more of those things hopping around, not just the one that attacked your school."
"Wait, there were!?" I gawped incredulously. "First time I'm hearing about this!"
"Yup. Those suckers came down from the mountains that morning, gave us all a hard time. That you actually saved your classmate from getting eaten is also a nice plus. No-one actually died… that we know of… but there were definitely a few traumatized civies who had to get cut out of their bellies once we stopped the damn things from moving. Not to mention all the brawling meat-heads who got covered in slime trying to wrestle those things to the ground…"
"I still find it really messed up that one of my classmates almost got eaten but we're the bad guys…"
Between classes and being a complete spectacle, I'd read enough of the news to know that the Mon Squad had come under fire for giving me a live weapon. Which once again is complete bullshit because plenty of Quirks are far more dangerous, especially in the hands of ego-driven children. Not to mention there were Quirks that were flat-out [Gun] that were outright glorified by action films…
"Well, that's what Kizuki-san's here for~ To help you get the word out to your adoring public~"
"Alright, alright… Should I invite her upstairs?"
"Why Take-chan~ I didn't know you had a thing for older wom-"
*Beep*
"Can I offer you refreshments upstairs by any chance?"
"Why Tokei-kun~ I didn't know you had a thing for older women~"
"It must be something in the water…"
"Hm? What was that?" Chitose asked sweetly.
"Nothing, nothing…" I waved off. "Anywho, what's your poison? Coffee? Soda? Juice? Milk? Water with lemon?"
*AHA*
"My oh my~ I didn't know the Mon Squad had adopted such a little Darling~" Chitose cooed as I handed her a fruit & cream sandwich with a cool glass of milk and a small platter of cookies.
"Well, considering them adopting me probably damaged their careers, I have to pay that kindness back somehow…" I said as I turned my attention to the catfish; gutting & fileting was a skill I'd picked up in all the months I'd spent inside, what with how the Japanese were such avid seafood lovers. I kinda wanted to learn how to handle eel, just for the novelty of it, but the issue was getting enough eel to practice with in the first place…
"Damaged their careers? What do you mean?" she asked, unashamedly adjusting the tape recorder on the kitchen counter between us.
"I'm not an idiot. I know that half of modern Heroes' income comes from the popularity they can gleam from the masses, and them adopting a 'young ward', that probably damages their standing with all the teen and middle-aged simps out there who buy their merch and watch their streams."
"Well, I won't deny that half a single Heroine's charm is in their 'attainability', as imaginary as it might be," Chitose said, making air quotes. "But from my research, you're actually quite popular on the net yourself, Wild Tiger-kun~ That face you made when you saw yourself for the first time, instant meme~"
"Of course it is…" I sighed, momentarily stopping my fish-gutting to rub the bridge of my nose. "But like I was saying, they took me in as a favor to a friend to the detriment of their careers, so I have to give back as much love and care as I'm able. And if that means making the lives of my 'found family' a little more comfortable after a long day of putting away criminal slimeballs… Gratitude might not be a currency that retains its value, but I'll turn out the pockets of my heart for them as long as I live."
"Awww~ That's so sweet~ And also corny~" she cooed.
"Yes, yes, I realized it as soon as I opened my mouth," I sighed. "So… What did you want to ask?"
"Let's get right to the heart of the matter; why did you feel the need to go to school armed?" the blue-skinned woman asked eagerly.
"Because in the absence of Heroes or even Police, the only strength you can rely on is your own," I spat like word vomit, my disenfranchisement with this 'superhero society' causing those feelings to dislodge themselves in mixed company. "I haven't been alive for very long, but I've been attacked by Villains and monsters again-and-again-and-again-and-again. My parents were murdered by a Villain and no-one showed up until after-the-fact; a year later the orphanage I was at was attacked and another Villain singled me out; a year after that some nutjob with bogus credentials tried to cut me open like a science lab frog… But more than that… I want… I have to be strong, for my family's sake."
"The Mon Squad, you mean?"
"Hitomi, Kuroko, Tio, Doppel, Zombina, Manako… All of them deserve the peace of mind of knowing they don't have to worry about me all the time. Because if something happened to them because some slimeball took me hostage and used me as leverage… I'd never be able to forgive myself," I shuddered.
I'd hidden it at the time, but hearing about what happened to Zombina, that shit changes a man forever...! I mean sure, the stories about Rape Vans suddenly being filled with fire or electricity because some horny assholes grabbed the wrong girl were always funny; but it stopped being funny when the girl in question couldn't defend herself in closed quarters and they turned up a week later in the woods somewhere with half their faces eaten off.
"Hmmm… I see, I see," Chitose nodded. "Didn't you think to use your Quirk?"
"And do what, exactly? 'Listen' the giant frog eating my classmate to death?" I scoffed as I waggled my knife-shaped ears.
"Hm. I suppose you're right. Not all Quirks are combat-aligned," Chitose hummed, her eyes taking in my knife-like ears and my 'tiger-striped' hair. "Still, you made one hell of an entrance," she said, holding up her phone and playing a clip someone had recorded that day.
"SECRET TECHNIQUE: MOP BUCKET SLINGSHOOOOOT!"
"It's both amazing and appalling that anyone had steady-enough hands to record that in such clarity…" I belted out in a deadpan.
"Maybe, but a steady hand is always good in journalism~" the woman grinned.
"Though honestly, I'm more-amazed that everyone was able to get their heads out of All Might's ass long-enough to even think of using their Quirks in any affirmative matter; let alone actually doing something with their Quirks," I huffed as the clip continued to play, giving a brief glimpse of my classmates and teacher laying into the thing with their individual Quirks; for all they were worth at least.
I wasn't entirely sure how the monsters in KonoSuba "scaled" to the real world, but given a bunch of real-life superheroes had "a hard time" with them, their physical abilities alone must've made them pretty damn powerful; even if they were sitting ducks while swallowing their food…
Fingers crossed that nothing from Monster Hunter or other such titles showed up; otherwise, Japan's population centers would become an all-they-can-eat buffet. If any good were to come out of that, it would be that the glory-seeking "C-Rankers" would be the first to die in an over-saturated industry filled with over-glorified mall cops with party tricks.
"So what you're saying is people should be more-free to use their meta-abilities?" Chitose asked eagerly.
"More like a 'time and place' sorta mentality, not a 'cold turkey' kinda thing," I shrug. It was a weird question to ask, but I rolled with it. "You wanna show off a party trick to a girl you fancy, that's cool, more power to ya. But you don't want that same someone with a Fire Quirk showing off in a 'Gunpowder, Fireworks, and Gasoline Factory', right?"
Chitose blinked at the response, but then nodded her head.
"Hm. That is fair…" she conceded, seeming to really chew on that statement. "I hadn't considered… Anyway! Why a P-90?"
"It was small-enough to sneak into a school bag, had more than a dozen shots, it was a Christmas gift I'd actually use, and I was confident-enough in its application thanks go my time in GGO," I answered.
The Mon Squad was known for their application of more-mundane hardware to supplement their meta-abilities, so it wasn't like it'd be any big secret where I got the thing. Anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together could've figured out where I got it.
"Ah hah. Ah hah. Perfectly valid reasons," she nodded, scribbling more notes on a notepad. "And how was your stay at the RDA?"
"Well, since Chisa and I got covered in blood and saliva, they had to screen us for a week in case we contracted any extra-dimensional pathogen or parasites…" I sighed. "She didn't make for great company, but we grew to tolerate one another. If anything, it was like a working vacation thanks to those mobile virtual presence devices they let us use."
"Oh, you mean the 'iStudent' droids."
"Yeah, those…" I sigh, lamenting that no-one got my jokes.
Seriously, that last one was fucking gold!
"And anyway, it wasn't the first time I had to stay with them, so I knew what to expect," I tacked on.
"Ah, yes, the British football of death thing…" Chitose hummed thoughtfully. "You ever see any royalties?"
"No, and it curdled my cheese," I groaned.
"Well, fingers crossed you can copyright that 'Mop Bucket Slingshot' of yours~" she grinned.
"Might as well…" I sighed. "I wonder how many imitators I'll have before that meme finally dies…"
*AHA*
And that's how it went for a little while, at least; she and I shooting the breeze both on and off-the-record. Along the way I had the chance to ask her about her own work, and she told me that stories based on face-to-face interviews were the best way to influence readers.
In the back-when times, that wouldn't have been anything out of the ordinary, but in the here-and-now, to ask people pressing questions of a more-invasive neighbor, where 80% of the population had some form of superpower and little compunction against showing them off at even the slightest provocation… That right there took real guts.
"Well, Takehiko-kun, you've been very cooperative~" Chitose said, getting up from her seat. "Hopefully the next time I interview you, it'll be under better circumstances," she smiled, extending her hand toward me.
"I hope so too… but knowing my luck, I sincerely doubt it," I sighed, rising from my own chair and returning the gesture. The exchange completed, Chitose turned on her heel to leave, but stopped mid-turn.
"Oh! Before I go…" she said digging through her purse. "Here."
"Meta Liberation War…" I hummed, reading the title of the thin hardback book she'd handed me. The cover was red with maroon vertical stripes lining the edge and spine, the title in kanji across the top while in the middle was what looked like a Rorschach ink test.
"It's an oldie but a goodie. I think you might get a lot out of it~" she smiled. "Especially after that line about everyone pulling their head 'out of All Might's ass'~ Oh! But don't worry, I'll be sure to keep that out of print. Don't want those crazy fanclubs on your butt, am I right?"
"And for that, I'm eternally grateful," I nodded.
"Well, I'm just gonna get out of your hair. See you later, Takehiko-kun~" she smiled, blowing me a kiss as she ran off.
" . . . Damn this pre-teen body…" I ground out as my cheeks flushed; and nothing else.
*AHA*
"So wait, that mini-kaiju was immune to punching?!" 5ilencer asked incredulously as my Avatar rained blows onto one of Bullet Punch's extended palms.
"Pretty much," I shrugged as I twisted my hips into each blow, adding greater power. Thanks to the [Training Weights], I was helping my IRL form as well. If I couldn't carry sidearms anymore, I'd have to settle for punching really, really, really hard.
That or stabbing someone in the eye with one of my knife-like ears, but the only way that's going to happen is if I fuck up and let one of them get behind me and off the ground...
Maybe I could keep brass knuckles in my pockets and say it's a 'paperweight'? They'd certainly be easier to hide than my MegaWrench...
"You think they'll make an in-game mission based on that?" the quote/unquote "yakuza" inquired. "I'd punch a giant frog in the face for a Quest!"
"My popularity would have to go way up before the Admins greenlit that sort of thing..." I shrugged. Not that I'd be against it if that did happen, but the Fantasy of KonoSuba might not vibe well with the "GunPunk Post-Apocalyptia" of Gun Gale Online...
"Still, it'll probably be real easy for you to get into a Hero Academy with all you've accomplished," 5ilencer said as he kicked up at Bullet Punch's other hand.
"Yeah... Seems like that's the way it's gonna go for me..." I sighed. "Fare thee well, plans for a humble lifestyle. I knew you well."
"You know, most kids our age would kill for that kind of media coverage."
"I'd prefer not to be famous 'for being famous'," I huffed. "That or being the paranoid kid who brought a gun to school and was proven right to be paranoid."
"You know..." Sefgas hummed thoughtfully from off to the side as he soaked in the social commentary. "What does it say about us as humans if our Quirk can literally be just [Gun]?"
"I know, right?!" I groaned exacerbatedly.
*AHA*
Elsewhere, in the penthouse office of the Detnerat Headquarters overlooking the whole of Deika City…
"Ah, Chitose, so good to hear from you. Tell me, how was your interview? Were you finally able to meet him?" Yotsubashi Rikiya, privately known as "Re-Destro" inquired as he looked up from an old newspaper clipping that had caught his attention; the story of a schoolboy who repelled a "Rift Beast" with a smuggled-in firearm.
"Oh, it was very good~" the woman privately known as 'Curious' practically swooned. "I think you might like him~"
"Hoh? In what way?"
In response, Chitose played the recording of their interview over the phone, Re-Destro listening attentively. At the conclusion of their meeting, the clicking of the button on her analogue recorder sounded.
"Hm. I can see what you mean. His ideals do sound very… liberated~"
"That sounded very forced."
"Yup. Realized it as soon as I said it out loud," the man replied, feeling a sliver of "Stress" added to his stockpile. "Moving on, do you think you'll have enough for your story?"
"Got it all straight from the horse's mouth! Of course, I'll have to cut out that jab at All Might and make that one about Heroes in general. Don't want him getting attacked by the local chapter of the 'All Cult', do we~?"
"Hmhm. No, I suppose not," the man chuckled.
The No.1 Hero's Cult of Personality rivaled if not eclipsed that of the Meta Liberation Army, and they'd tried breaking into and subverting that group for many years. However, it seemed the crazies in there could smell out those that were disingenuous to the literal deification of the No.1 Hero. In all honesty, it was a little frightening how much a mortal man like All Might was being deified.
And few may've noticed as such, but the Meta Liberation Army's chief analysts had conclusively proven that All Might was making fewer and fewer appearances as of a small handful of years ago. All Might was still the most-popular Hero with the most merchandise and an unblemished approval rating, and some might even ascribe his declining appearances proof that the "Symbol of Peace" was doing its job. But in the end, All Might was only a mortal man; after all...
Gods don't get old.
"Still, apart from nobody dying in that incident, that we know of... this should once more drive home that people need to be free to use their special abilities. Sure, those giant frogs may've had some form of [Shock Absorption], but it can be argued that the cumulative damage was what gave Takehiko-kun's clutch move with that, hmhm, 'Mop Bucket Slingshot', the necessary buildup to succeed at least on his front."
"That and 30 rounds from a P-90~"
"Indeed," the man hummed. "You know, it amazes me how stigmas against guns can still exist, when there are Quirks out there that are definitively 'just guns'. What does it say about us as humans that firearms and bombs can manifest in our meta-abilities?"
Hell, some poor bastards wound up manifesting a Quirk like [Self-Destruct], and even if they wound up surviving the aftermath of its first usage, in the case of small children, they almost never made a full recovery.
"I'm sure that'll be a great line for the article. You think he might join us someday? Mind you, I'm no shota, but I have to admit, he's pretty cute~ He'll be a real lady-killer when he gets older, from what my research has told me~"
"Maybe someday. For now, let's wait for that tree to bear fruit," the man replied as he turned his attention to the boy's preliminary profile. Attacked by Villains repeatedly on non-consecutive occasions and disenfranchised with most of Hero society as a whole, wildly opinionated if not rightfully so despite becoming a Young Ward to an effective if somewhat-niche Hero Agency… "Hmmmm… Yes… Let us wait and see where that fruit shall fall."
"You're still on speaker. And that also sounded very forced."
Rikiya felt a little more 'Stress' get piled on.
*AHA*
AN:
As Spaceman and I worked on our collab mass-multi MHA crossover, I got to thinking about how Himiko Toga's entire situation could've been remedied if her parents had just swallowed their egos and gotten her a fucking "blood stipend" like the blood-sucking girls from Daily Life with a Monster Girl. With all of that in mind, Chitose Kizuki making an appearance here felt like a logical thing to happen, given the fallout/scandal of a 12-year-old discharging a full mag from a P-90. The mini-kaiju "KonoFrog" was just the icing on the cake.
Anywho, tell me what you think, and I'll see you next time!