Episode #47:
Avert Your Eyes, it's a Samurai!

VOICE TALENTS:
LORENZO MUSIC as Ranma
FRANK WELKER as Kenma
BARBARA GOODSON as Tsubasa
JANET WALDO as Akane
RENAE JACOBS as Ukyo
DAVE MALLOW as Soun
KEN SANSOM as Sasuke
ED GILBERT as Genma
ROBERT AXELROD as Happosai
KERRIGAN MAHAN as Kuno
TERRY MacGOVERN as Jinn
DIANNE PERSHING as Kasumi
BJ WARD as Nabiki

Uncredited: IAN JAMES CORLETT as Scooby-Ken

One morning at school, everyone was in a total uproar, whispering madly about something that had gone down the previous night.

"Did you hear?" asked Akane. "Last night, there was…a sighting!"

"Oh, yeah?" remarked Ranma. "What kind of sighting?"

"This kind, of course~" Akane replied, sticking her tongue out, holding her hands in front of her and making her eyes roll up.

"Ah, give it a rest, would ya, Akane?" Ranma dismissed her. "Next you're gonna tellin' me that you saw the boogeyman."

"Hey, Ranma. Just because ya don't believe in the boogeyman, doesn't mean he's not hiding in your closet," Ukyo chided. "After all, we've seen plenty of weird stuff in this world."

"I mean," Kenma spoke up. "We have seen a ghost cat before. Pretty sure ghosts exist."

Akane nodded. "Compared to sex-changing weirdos, ghosts don't seem so bizarre, now do they?" she asked.

"Hey, watch it with that 'weirdo' crack!" Kenma warned.

"Careful, Akane. That's strike one," Ranma chimed in.

"OK, but I heard Furinkan was built on some old burial ground," commented Hiroshi.

"I heard in the samurai days, it was a prison," Daisuke chirped.

"I heard there were a bunch of accidents back when the place was being built," said another student.

"I heard the school used to be an insane asylum before it turned into a school." Another student stated.

"Okay, that part I can believe given what we've seen since the beginning of the school year." Daisuke agreed.

"Either way, we can't ignore it," responded Ukyo. "This is our school, we've got to do something!"

"And what do you suggest, then?" inquired Tsubasa.

"I say we do some investigating of our own," the tomboy chef responded.

"You mean like ghost-busting?" asked Ranma.

"My thoughts exactly!" smiled Ukyo. "So we're all gonna meet up here tonight; anyone who's in raise their hands!"

"Count me in!"

"Me too!"

"So will I!"

"What is this? Unsolved Mysteries?" asked Ranma.

"And yet, no sign of Robert Stack…" mused Kenma.

Ukyo was busily jotting something down in a notebook while muttering numbers.

"Whatcha got there, boss?" asked Tsubasa.

"Well, ghost-bustin' has gotta be hungry work," explained Ukyo. "So I figure plenty of students will be clamoring for my okonomiyaki during the job!"

"Yer a regular Peter Venkman, y'know that, boss?" Tsubasa commented.

"Well, he does know how to do business," said Ukyo. "And as for you, Ranma-honey…I might be tempted to grant you an employee discount."

LATER THAT DAY, BACK AT THE DOJO…

"Ghost hunting?" asked Kasumi while everyone was at the table. "Sounds exciting!"

"While they're at it, it's a shame they can't bust up some monsters," Soun muttered into his cup of tea.

Genma nodded firmly. "Hear-hear," he agreed.

Nearby sat Happosai, who just polished off his most recent bowl of rice. "Ah…hit me!" he said, holding his bowl out to Kasumi.

"Sure thing!" Kenma said as he pulled over one of Akane's mallets [with the ACME label facing the camera, of course] and brought it down with a KER-WHAMMO!

"Ow!" the old fossil exclaimed in pain while rubbing his sore head. "I meant that I wanted more rice, smart alec!"

"Gosh, how foolish of me~!" Kenma responded, feigning innocence.

"So, what's that about a monster?" Happosai asked, turning to his former students.

"I was talking about your monster appetite!" Soun said, covering his tracks.

"The better to feed yourself with!" Genma agreed.

"It's only natural, really," the diminutive leech of a lech responded. "How else am I gonna store up energy to go ghost-bustin' with Ranma tonight?"

"Whoa-ho-ho, slow down, Methuselah," said Ranma. "I never said you'd be coming with us."

"Will there be girls coming along on this little excursion?" Happosai asked.

"And what if there are?" asked Kenma.

"Well, that means I'm comin' with ya!" the little goblin declared. "And it also means I need my shuteye so I can be fresh as daisies for all the pretty ladies~!"

And he gleefully bounded away, leaving the others at the table.

"He could sleep for 1,000 years," said Kenma. "It still wouldn't make a dent in his wrinkled old ass."

"Hah! Yeah!" his older brother agreed.

"You don't really believe in this ghost stuff, do you?" asked Kasumi.

"Kasumi, how could we not?" asked Akane. "After all, the janitor saw it go down—plus we still don't know how those windows were broken!"

Nabiki took a sip from her cup. "Who knows? Maybe it was the marching band kids playing too loudly."

"What, like in one sudden burst?" inquired Kasumi. "Perhaps they should play so quietly, nobody can hear them."

"Look, Nabiki." Akane started. "I just don't think we should rule out ghosts so soon."

"So, then…" Nabiki responded, turning to the two fathers. "Are you going to take part in the ghost chase?"

"Now, why would we do something like that?" Soun asked.

"Especially when Ranma and Akane are on the job." Genma chimed in.

"Well, I just thought it would be a good way to get some publicity for the dojo." Nabiki explained. "But if you don't wanna do it, then I guess I can't force you—"

"Hold the phone, Nabiki!" Soun beamed. "That's a brilliant idea! Saotome, I bet we could really clean house if we worked together! What do you say?"

But no response came. As Soun looked up, he found Panda-Genma, playing with a rubber ball nearby.

"You are coming with me, RIGHT, Saotome?" Soun asked firmly.

His only response came in Genma holding up a sign that said PANDAS AND GHOSTS DON'T MIX.

"SAOTOME!" Soun yelled, angrily flailing his arms at his so-called friend, who was trying to weasel his way out of his duties as usual.

"Just leave him, Mr. Tendo," said Ranma.

Kenma nodded. "After all, with him, that's just how it is," he added.

"Yes, I suppose I should've expected that from the likes of him..." said the Tendo Patriarch as he shook his head in disappointment.

"And yet…why do I get the feeling we're heading into trouble?" asked Kenma in his best radio deejay voice. "Ri dunno!" he replied in a dog-like voice.

"If I had to wager a guess, we probably are," Ranma answered.

AND SO, A FEW HOURS LATER AT THE SCHOOL…

Everyone had been gathered under one roof, and Ukyo was standing in front of a chalkboard, explaining the situation.

"See, all these X's mark every place where these supposed 'ghosts' have been spotted," she informed. "A thorough investigation was conducted at each site, including where the janitor was attacked. However, a lack of correlating data leads us to only one conclusion…"

Everyone turned towards Ukyo.

"In other words…" she continued.

By now, everyone was desperate to hear her theory.

"...we have no clue what this ghost is up to," Ukyo finished, causing everyone to plotz in unison.

PWAMPF!

"Geez, Ukyo!" Tsubasa spoke up while wearing a Sherlock Holmes costume. "Do we have anything to go off of?"

"Not a thing," said Ukyo. "This guy, whoever he is, isn't choosy about his targets."

A rumble of thunder trickled through the sky, followed by lightning.

"...I hate to say so, but I've got a bad feeling about this…" Akane gulped.

Suddenly, she felt a finger rubbing against her flank. "AAAAAAAAAUGH!" Akane shrieked, before she whirled around and smacked Ranma across the face.

"Ow! What the hell?!" Ranma exclaimed while rubbing his cheek.

"You touched my butt, you pervert!" the tomboy blindly accused.

"Get real, will ya?!" the older Saotome brother snapped. "Besides, little miss cutting board…HERE'S your culprit!" And he reached down, pulling up Happosai.

"...I see…" Akane noted, feeling very sheepish about her accusation.

The old goblin held his arms out. "C'mere, babe! Climb into my arms and allow me to soothe the beating of your savage breast!" he exclaimed.

Akane just smacked him in the head. "Soothe this, why don'cha!" she retorted.

"Alright, playtime's over!" Ukyo called. "Are we ready to kick some ectoplasm?"

"OH, YEAH!" Ranma beamed.

"WE AIN'T AFRAID OF NO GHOST!" the students exclaimed.

Gemma held up a sign that said SPEAK FOR YOURSELVES, NOT FOR ALL OF US.

"...Why is he here?" Ranma asked, noticing Panda Genma.

"He is?" Kenma asked before turning to the Panda. "Huh, I did not notice him 'til just now."

"Huh! I missed him, too…" Hiroshi commented.

"Did the panda from the zoo get out again?" Daisuke asked, making the Saotome Brothers chuckle at this jab.

"Yeah, but don't worry," Ranma replied. "I'm gonna call animal control, pretty soon."

"Anyways, goin' around in large groups could frighten the ghost off," explained Ukyo. "So we'll need to split up into smaller teams."

Happosai jumped between two tennis players. "I'll go with these two!" he called.

"Eeeew!" the girls exclaimed.

"Fat chance, fat-head," said Ranma as the old man was grabbed by two boys. "We're not letting YOU out of our sight anytime soon."

"Aw…no fair, no fair!" Happosai whined as he flailed in their grip.

"Life ain't fair, deal with it!" Kenma stated.

"Alright, gang! Let's catch ourselves a ghost!" Ukyo declared while brandishing her spatula.

And with that, everyone split into groups and went off searching.

"Walking around the school is creepy at night…" said Akane, bristling.

"You're tellin' me!" Kenma responded, looking around.

Ranma, however, wasn't scared in the least. "If there are ghosts around here, I wish they'd come out already," he grumbled. "This is so damn boring."

Suddenly, a wave of energy shot through the hallway, shattering the windows simultaneously. This was followed by two screams that shook the school.

"That came from downstairs!" Kenma shouted as they rushed downstairs. When they arrived, they found two unconscious male students beaten and bruised, lying in a pile of shattered window glass!

Ukyo made her way over to them. "Hey! Are you guys ok?"

"What happened to you?" asked Akane.

"Whoa! Take a look at this!" Ranma observed. "This shot-put was sliced clean in half!" he said while showing it to the others.

"Muh…muh…metal…giant…" one of the victims managed to say.

Kenma perked up an ear and went over. "What?" he asked.

"Attacked…by…m-metal….giant…." the victim wheezed before he passed out again.

"Metal giant, huh?" Kenma asked, getting a briefcase. "Well, I do believe that's my cue to exit, stage left."

But before he could jump out the nearest window, Akane grabbed him by the tail and pulled him backwards.

"Yee-owch!" Kenma winced. "Low blow, real low!"

"Hey-hey, hey! We've still got a mystery to solve!" Akane chided.

"Geez, like, why'd ya hafta remind me?" Kenma asked, recoiling his tail. "But don't you see what's going on here?"

"No, I don't think I'm following you on this," the short-haired girl responded.

"Come on! A mysterious monster, prowling around a school, a group of kooky teens with flashlights?" Kenma explained. "We've been doing the wrong sub-genre! We're not doing Ghostbusters—we're doing Scooby-Doo!"

"Scooby-Doo?!" the group exclaimed in confusion.

"Yeah, think about it!" Kenma said. "Ranma's Fred—the good one from the first series—Ukyo's Daphne, Tsubasa's Velma—c'mon, you can't tell me he wouldn't absolutely rock that outfit—and I am a two-for-one special of both Shaggy and Scooby-Doo."

"Oh! Well, in that case–" Tsubasa started before quickly changing from his Sherlock Holmes costume, to a Velma Dinkley costume. "There we go!"

Kenma gushed before he took a few photos. "...okay, I was right, he DOES rock it!" he beamed.

"Jinkies, Kenma!" the young thespian exclaimed "You're making me blush!"

"Alright, as fun as this is, let's get back to business," said Ukyo. "Whoever this metal giant is, he's one tough S.O.B.!"

"You're not wrong about that, Ucchan," Ranma agreed. "Judging from what he did to the shot put, I'll bet he could tear the whole building down like it was made outta wet paper!"

"Ra—Ranma?" Akane said in a fearful tone as she crouched next to an injured student.

"Guys, look at the wounds," Tsubasa said as he examined them while using a magnifying glass. "It's like they were wind-burned!"

"Okay…but by what?" asked Kenma.

"Hmmm…judging by the skin lacerations, one could assume that this was done by a razor blade," the actor replied. "Or rather, dozens of razor blades."

"A razor blade did all that?" Ranma asked. "Eh! I'm not buyin' it."

Suddenly, there came a metallic clattering, which got everybody's attention. Turning their heads, they all looked over at the other victim, who'd just awakened.

"I-it's here…!" he whimpered.

"Huh?" asked Ukyo. "What is it, Rakkasei?"

"Did you guys hear that…?" asked Akane.

"No, and I'm wishing I hadn't!" Kenma gulped.

Ranma grinned and clenched his fists. "Good, it's about time we saw some action!" he remarked.

"I don't think we should rush into this…" advised Ukyo. "Speaking of which, where's the old codger?"

Suddenly, Akane froze up like she just had a bucket of ice poured down her back. "...!"

"Huh?" Ukyo asked. "What's with you?"

"I felt something touch me!" the younger Tendo sister said, still shuddering.

"I'd say it was a branch…" responded Tsubasa. "...but we're still inside."

And then there came another shriek.

"It came from three doors down!" called Kenma. "...in the meantime, I'll check the kitchen."

"And by that you mean you'll come with us," said Ranma, picking him up by the scruff of his shirt.

"Of course…silly me," Kenma shrugged, his tone deadpan. "How could I have been so foolish."

As they headed around the corner, they came to a janitorial supply closet where they found the three tennis players, unconscious…as well as Ataru Moroboshi, underneath a mountain of shredded toilet paper.

"Wait a sec…" Ukyo mused as she took a look at the opened packaging. "Ah-ha! They're wrapped in toilet paper!...why are they wrapped in toilet paper?"

"That's another 3 down!" Akane commented. "..plus Ataru I guess, but does anyone really count him?"

"Ummm…no, I don't." Tsubasa said after briefly thinking about it.

"Me neither," Ukyo immediately answered.

"Whatever! The important point is, this stupid ghost is pissin' me off!" Ranma declared. "Hey, you bodiless bozo, c'mon out and face me if ya got any guts…or didja lose them when you died?!""

"What are you doin, man?" Kenma whisper-hissed. "Don't make him mad, or he's liable to do something really nasty!"

"Well, let him get mad! Because I'm gettin' sick of this run-around!" his older brother replied, angrily. "If you're not comin' out, I'm goin in!"

And so, he set off, with Akane and the others following behind.

DOWNSTAIRS, ON THE GROUND FLOOR…

Soun and Genma were walking the halls, each carrying a flashlight.

"This is so juvenile…" grumbled Soun. "A pair of grown men, walking around looking for ghosts like a couple of kids…what nonsense, eh, Saotome?"

"Y'know, Tendo…if this was a Scooby episode," said Genma. "Chances are, we'd be the jerks dressing up in costumes to scare the kids off."

"A few years earlier, I would've said you were right." Soun admitted. "But now—"

His thoughts were interrupted by a rattling sound.

"...what was that?" Soun inquired.

"Beats me…" said Genma.

Suddenly, a slash of wind could be felt behind them….but when they looked around, neither of them had even been cut.

"What the hell?!" the Tendo patriarch exclaimed. Taking his flashlight, he raked it around the room.

As he did, he saw that it was a science classroom…evidenced further when the flashlight beam landed upon a fallen skeleton.

"GAAAAAH!" he and Genma yelped, before they noticed. "Wait…those aren't real bones, simply plastic!"

"Phew! If they were real, that would've scared the fat off of me," Genma joked.

Soun looked him up and down. "You really could've used it," he murmured.

"Watch it, Tendo!" warned Genma.

KRASHHH~!

Suddenly, the sounds of glass shattering around their heads made them cry out in terror.

And so, Ranma and company rushed down the stairs…only to find the two fathers collapsed on the floor, surrounded by glass shards.

"Dad!" exclaimed Akane, horrified.

"So that clanking clunker did this, huh?" Kenma asked, strolling over to Genma's prone form. He then gave it a couple of firm kicks.

KLUNK! KLUNK!

"If old iron face did this, I'd like to find him and shake his hand," said Kenma. "Of course, in his case, he might just rip mine out of the socket."

"Dad! Are you ok?!" Akane asked frantically.

"What could've done this?" asked Ukyo, before she heard two more screams.

"...sounds like the same thing that just did that," commented Tsubasa.

"Let's go!" declared Ranma.

Kenma gulped. "...do we have to?" he asked.

"Hmmm…would ya do it for…one of these cookies Kasumi made?" Tsubasa asked as he took a bag out of his pocket, and waved it in front of Ken's face.

Kenma pondered for a few minutes. "...throw in an 8x10 of Nabiki, and you got a deal," he replied.

"That'll come after we solve the case," the actor said as he popped the cookie into Kenma's mouth.

Kenma chewed it up, and gulped it down. "Mmm…rokay! I'm ready!" he declared as he stood up.

"Alright, gang. Let's catch ourselves a gh—" Ranma started before he heard two people screaming. "...okay, now I know I recognized THOSE screams!"

"Yeah, me too!" Tsubasa nodded. "Let's move it!"

And so, as they scurried into the hallway, they found the beaten bodies of Hiroshi and Daisuke.

"Fellas!" Ranma said as he gently tapped them. Instead of replies, he just received pained grunts. "Oh, great! This means we're the only ones left."

"Ruh-roh…" Kenma gulped. "Zoinks!" he added.

Then, there came a clunking sound from the gymnasium.

"Ranma…" Akane gulped heavily. "...that sound came from inside the gym!"

Once more, the group ventured towards the potential danger and headed into the gymnasium. As they entered, one object in particular seemed to make itself clearest: a solitary basketball, which bounced towards them.

"Did…that basketball just move on its own?" Ukyo asked, thoroughly weirded out.

"Well, it's worse than I thought," Kenma commented. "It wasn't enough there's a ghost around, now he wants to shoot hoops?"

The ball bounced even higher, while Ranma got into a defensive stance, bracing himself.

Then, the ball turned around to reveal none other than Happosai.

"GAHHH!" the ponytailed boy screamed out loud. [And if you ran into a face like his in the dark, wouldn't you scream too?]

"Hahaha! Scared ya, didn't I?" the old goblin belly laughed.

"You little toad, you almost gave me a heart attack!" snapped Ranma as he started swinging at him.

"All that power, and none a' the speed…it's wasted on you, Ranma!" laughed Happosai as he dodged and darted like a renegade flea.

"Oh yeah? I'll show ya how fast I am, you decrepit old goblin!" the older Saotome brother spat back as he chased the old man.

As Happosai darted and dodged, he threw the basketball he was standing on, and Ranma punched right through it—getting him sprayed with water. Of course, he didn't change into his girl form this time.

"Congratulations, I'm wet and angry," said Ranma, his hair dangling around his eyes. "Now you get to learn HOW you screwed up."

"Huh? Why didn't you transform?" Happosai asked, confused.

"'Cuz I didn't feel like it, Creep!" Ranma replied before giving the so-called "great master" a bonk on the head.

"So, then how do we know he's not the culprit behind all those phony ghost shenanigans?" asked Ukyo.

Happosai fumed. "Why would I wanna pretend to be a ghost when I can just steal panties?!" the diminutive old man spat. "If you didn't want me to come, why didn't you just say so?" he sobbed.

"We DID," Ranma replied.

"MULTIPLE times!" Kenma added, breaking character.

"Maybe you did, but I wanted to go with the tennis girls!" Happosai whined.

"And this is supposed to garner sympathy?" Ranma shot back.

Suddenly, a massive ripple of energy shot through the gymnasium, tearing through the floor like a shark coming through the water.

"The ghost—it's here!" Ukyo exclaimed.

"See? Toldja it wasn't me!" Happosai grinned as he pulled out that same lace bra from last season. "If you turn into a girl and put this on, I'll let bygones be bygones!"

"Do you ever turn off?!" Ranma shouted as he leapt out of the way.

"Put it on! Put it on!" the old man whined as he continued his badgering.

"How about you try my foot UP YER ASS?!" Ranma shouted as he punted Happosai through the skylight.

Meanwhile, the others quickly jumped out of the way of the approaching force.

"That barely missed us!" Ukyo said as she dusted herself off.

"Guess I better ditch the costume now!" Tsubasa said as he switched from his Velma costume, to more casual wear.

"Look out!" Ukyo called out as she shielded Tsubasa and Ukyo from the incoming force with her spatula, causing the top of the weapon to be sliced in half. "Aw man, that was my favorite spatula!"

"If we don't get outta here, you'll be joining it!" Kenma exclaimed as he picked her up and made a run for the nearest exit.

Ranma, Tsubasa and Akane followed as quickly as they could. Moments later, Sasuke emerged from behind the bushes.

"This isn't good," he remarked. "Those attacks are getting more and more violent. Someone's gotta stop this guy, once and for all!"

He sighed a few minutes later. "...and naturally, it has to be me…"

SUBSEQUENTLY!

The quintet regrouped outside a little while later.

"So, give it to me straight, Tsubasa…" said Ukyo, clutching the broken halves of her spatula. "...can she be saved?"

"I think I might know a guy with access to a blowtorch," responded Tsubasa after inspecting the severed tool. "...in the meantime, you'll have to improvise."

Ranma glanced around. "Less chance of that ghost ambushing us here," he mused. "Wish he'd hurry up and come already!"

Kenma clasped his hands over his mouth, trying to resist the urge to make a hilariously dirty retort…which was difficult, because in that second, he'd just come up with four.

"But Ranma, what if it doesn't come?" asked Akane.

That did it.

"...THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD CUP THE BALLS!" Kenma exclaimed, collapsing to the ground in a fit of laughter.

This also caused Tsubasa to break out into laughter.

"Oh, ha-ha! Very funny!" Akane retorted sarcastically. "Get serious, would you?"

"We're the only ones it hasn't attacked," responded Ranma. "How could it not stay away?"

Once more…

ZSH-WMM!

…a nearby tree had its trunk sliced through, and it started to fall right towards the group.

"SCATTER!" shouted Kenma, and scatter they did, seconds before getting flattened.

"Talk about making an entrance…" remarked Ranma. "Any of those bad guys on Scooby-Doo ever attempt murder?"

"More than you think, actually," responded Kenma. "The Snow Ghost put Velma on a log in a sawmill, Zen-Tuo intended to kill Shaggy and Scooby with fireworks, and that witch doctor guy sent Scooby on a one-way handcar ride down a mountain to 'get rid of him'."

"...scintillating," commented Akane. "In case you just forgot, we're still in danger!"

Emerging from the shadows was the manic samurai, clad in ramshackle armor assembled from various pieces of metal. And in his hands, he clutched an eerie, glowing sword.

"And there's our guy in question!" commented Ranma.

As the samurai jammed the sword into the ground, it split the pavement like a glacier cracking apart, and from how he was effortlessly knocking everyone away, it seemed like he wasn't even flinching!

"You lousy, two-bit creep!" Ukyo declared as she still had a sharp end on her staff. "I'm gonna make you pay for what you did!"

With a shout, she charged into battle…

CHA-KOOM!

…and for her trouble, was knocked back on her caboose.

"Ucchan!" Ranma and Tsubasa exclaimed.

"That's it, slimeball—you just crossed a line!" fumed Ranma, as he charged into combat. Unsurprisingly, he managed to dodge the sword slashes, but before he could attack, he found himself being tackled by someone. Someone who wasn't as small as the old geezer, but still shorter than himself by a head.

"Oof!" the ponytailed boy exclaimed as he plummeted to the ground. "Sasuke? What are you doin' here?"

"Please, young Ranma!" the ninja manservant begged. "You must help me save him!"

"Save who?" Ranma asked, before the moonlight shone down.

"...my master," Sasuke said sadly.

"Hold on, are you telling me it's Kuno clanking around in that scrap metal overcoat?" inquired Ranma. "But he seems so much more…vicious…lethal…competent!"

"It's entirely my fault, you see!" Sasuke said as he bowed his head.

"Ya know, Kuno. I'd expect this kinda nonsense from my dad…" snapped Ranma. "...but from you? I wasn't expectin' a total change, but I figured by now you'd know better!"

Akane and the others turned, shocked. "Wait, what?!" they exclaimed.

The samurai let out a roar and lunged at his opponent, ferociously swinging his blade with pinpoint precision. It was only through sheer luck that Ranma managed to dodge getting sliced to ribbons.

"Watch it, jerk! I just shaved this morning!" Ranma remarked as he ducked and dodged the sword strikes.

"I just hope this works!" Sasuke said as he took a smoke grenade out, wound up his arm, and pitched it towards them both.

BALAKA-BOOM!

When the samurai looked around, he saw that his opponent was no longer there.

ELSEWHERE…

The team regrouped quite a ways away from the battle that had just transpired.

"Alright, so how did Kuno get so…good?" asked Kenma.

"Well, it's not quite him in the drivers' seat," explained Sasuke. "It's actually the spirit of Miyamoto Musashi!"

"Somehow I had a feeling he wasn't in control," Ranma said, while rubbing his arm.

"How'd it happen, anyway?" asked Ukyo as she wrapped a bandage around her leg.

"Well, it started a week ago in the kendo practice room," explained Sasuke. "Master Kuno was engaged in deep meditation…"

"Is that what he calls it, then?" Kenma asked.

"When I broke through the ceiling with something I'd found," Sasuke continued. "Of course, he didn't think much of it at first…but when he realized what it was? His tune changed completely."

Hey, kids! Guess what time it is?

FLASHBACK TIME!

"Astonishing!" exclaimed Kuno as he held the blade in his hands. "This must be the wooden sword that Miyamoto Musashi carved from an oar before his legendary battle at Ganryu Island! So, the old legends ARE true!"

Sasuke raised a brow. "Legends, milord?"

"Long ago, there was a kendo club member who stole funds from the treasury," said Kuno. "A pawn shop rooked him into selling it all for this sword! And all this time, it's been hidden away in the dojo's ceiling!"

"No offense, my lord, but...that sounds stupid," Sasuke commented.

"Stupid, you say," Kuno scoffed. "Naturally, I would not expect you to understand, for I have insight!"

"And what insight would that be?" the manservant asked.

Kuno hoisted the sword into the air. "They called Musashi the 'holy swordsman'!" he declared. "And the universe has chosen ME to become his successor! The proof is in my own hand!"

Suddenly, a glowing aura spread from the blade into Kuno's body; he crumpled to the ground, clutching himself in agony as he was suddenly overtaken by a feeling that was not his own.

"M-master Kuno!" Sasuke exclaimed.

"Stay back, Sasuke!" Kuno warned. "I…I feel a sudden overwhelming thirst for violence! The bloodlust is driving me wild!"

Sasuke could only scream in shock as Kuno delivered a haymaker that sent him spinning out of the roof.

"Since then, Master Kuno has vanished in the daytime, only to reappear every night," explained the manservant. "Wandering the halls like a wayward spirit. Musashi's vengeful spirit has made his body its new vessel!"

"I guess they're…kindred spirits," Akane commented.

"He was too much for ya, huh?" Ranma taunted.

Sasuke sighed. "35 times, and they all ended poorly," he replied.

"So I guess we'll need a new plan," said Kenma, right before he heard the clunking of metallic footsteps.

Standing before them was the armored samurai, clutching his blade.

"Spanning 1,500 years of Japanese history, the techniques of the Black Miyamoto Wooden Sword school!" he growled.

"We both know it's not even you talking, it's that stupid piece of driftwood!" Tsubasa snapped.

"You oughta be ashamed of yourself!" Akane chimed in.

The samurai glanced over, and his eyes seemed to widen in recognition. "...can it be?" he asked. "Otsu…is it really you?!"

"Who or what is an Otsu?" asked Akane.

"Musashi's long-lost lady love!" Sasuke explained.

"Then he thinks…" Akane didn't bother to finish. Her brain had already made the connection. "AAAAUGH! I AM NOT YOUR LADY LOVE, SO KEEP AWAY FROM ME, OKAY?!"

…but when she looked up, Kuno wasn't even chasing her. In fact, he was chasing after Tsubasa, who was hauling ass as quickly as humanly possible.

"Look, I know I'm easy on the eyes, but I'm nobody's lady love, capiche?" exclaimed Tsubasa, avoiding the samurai's grabby hands.

"Do not deny me my love, Lady Otsu!" the samurai called. "Let us live together as man and wife!"

"Uh, guys?" called Tsubasa. "If you're gonna do something, I SUGGEST YA DO IT NOW IF THAT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE, OKAY?!"

Sasuke pulled out a scroll that showed a portrait of Musashi and Otsu, and to everyone's surprise, she looked almost exactly like Tsubasa.

"Huh, I'll be damned," commented Ranma.

Kenma gave an impressed whistle. "Dead ringer for her, too." he added.

"I feel glad I'm not being chased again, and yet annoyed at the same time," replied Akane. "Is that weird?"

"YES." Ranma, Ukyo and Kenma responded in quick unison.

"Anyways, we'd better do something," said Ukyo. "And make it fast!"

"Hey, ya sword swingin' simpleton!" Ranma called out. "Over here!"

At once, the samurai turned to face the dark-haired boy, and rounded upon him. "You dare belittle me?!" he bellowed, drawing his blade.

"Why don't ya do somethin' about it?" called Ranma. "Defend your honor!"

"I shall, then! Prepare to greet thine ancestors, whelp!" the samurai declared as he got into a combat stance.

That's right, Samurai Jackass…just keep getting excited! thought Ranma.

"You look awfully calm for someone who is about to meet their doom," Kuno observed as he slowly approached Ranma.

"Eh, I've been ready to die for a while." the older Saotome brother said with a shrug of his shoulders. "And I've had more than enough time to come to terms with it."

"Concerning, but…not my problem," Kuno responded as he readied the blade.

Kenma rubbed his chin. "...you know we could just blast him, right?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah. We can!" Ranma chuckled sheepishly. "But let's not go one hundred percent. I mean, we are just trying to beat the ghost."

"OK, we'll each only use one finger!" Kenma responded.

"Alrighty then!" Ranma then proceeded to charge up his energy and concentrate it into his index finger.

Kenma followed suit and readied his energy into his finger as well.

Both brothers took aim, drew back, and both fired energy blasts from both ends.

"What sorcery is—" began Kuno, before he was struck in the front and back, then collapsed to his knees, as the wooden sword burnt up.

Once he had been subdued, Akane headed over and pulled off his helmet and mask, revealing the dizzied face of Tatewaki Kuno underneath.

"Upperclassman Kuno?!" Akane exclaimed, feigning shock. "...what? I've seen the show too."

"Well, at least that puts an end to the Samurai Ghost's shenanigans," commented Ranma, dusting his hands off.

"Like, you said it!" Kenma nodded. "And what REALLY sounds good right now would be some of Kasumi's leftovers!...plus, I believe I am owed an 8x10."

"Alright, you'll get it," Tsubasa waved him off.

AND SO, THE VERY NEXT DAY…

Kuno was once more in his meditation when Sasuke burst in. "Master Kuno!" he called out.

"...Sasuke, what is it that requires you to interrupt my meditation?" inquired Kuno.

"I've found some more relics that I think you'll find quite intriguing." the ninja manservant announced proudly. First, he brought out a clothes rod.

"Of course!" Kuno gasped. "This must be Kojiro Sasaki's 'Clothes Rod', discarded after the duel at Ganryu Island!"

Next, he brought out a wooden lid.

"Why, it's the stewpot lid used by Tsukahara Bokuden to block an attack!" gasped Kuno.

And then, a pair of old sandals.

"Indeed, these must've been the sandals of the fleet-footed warrior, Chiba Susaku!" Kuno beamed.

"Well, I do hope you enjoyed seeing them," said Sasuke. "Because I'll be donating them to the local museum in the Kuno family's name!"

Kuno blanched. "Sasuke, have you taken leave of your senses?!" he exclaimed.

"Far from it, master," Sasuke responded. "I'm simply taking precautions to prevent something like last night's events from occurring a second time. After all, these belong in a museum, and we have a duty to share these with the people of Japan!"

From a nearby window, the Saotome brothers were watching.

"Well, whaddya know!" Ranma remarked. "Looks like somebody learned a lesson after all!"

"Lucky them…and lucky us!" Kenma nodded. "Scooby-Dooby-Doo!"

IRIS OUT.

IN OUR NEXT ADVENTURE…

A chance encounter at the Nekohanten sends Ranma, Kenma, Mousse and Ryoga into a high-stakes adventure that takes them across the countryside, and into a strange new region where they've never been before.

What could their enemies be after, exactly? And just who is the mysterious Herb? These secrets and many others will be revealed in the next Ranma ½ movie adventure:

Ranma ½: Duel of the Dragon

Coming soon to your local fanfiction site!