Guidebook
Welcome to the tunnels of Stalag 13!
Whether you're a downed airman, an escaped prisoner, an Allied operative, a political dissident, or even one of our prisoners, we pride ourselves on offering a once-in-a-lifetime experience!
Located forty feet below the infamous Stalag 13, our spacious tunnel system was created from the remnants of old mines. Signs are posted throughout the tunnel system to ensure that none of our guests get lost. New expansions are currently underway and more are planned for the future in order to serve you better.
With three separate sleeping quarters, a fully functional toilet facility (including a shower!), and a fully stocked pantry, all your needs will be met! But there's more! We also boast a complete spa service, including a sauna, barbershop, and manicure salon!
Our master chef* trained in Paris, and can turn even the most abysmal K-rations into a culinary delight! You may even gain weight while you're here!
Our tailor will fit you with the clothing you need to make your trek back to Allied lines in style. Made from the finest blankets and old uniforms, you'll feel like a king in his expertly crafted couture.
Feeling ill? Our medic* will ensure that your aches and pains disappear. Supported by our in-residence chemist, he has just what you need for what ails you!
Our printing press will ensure you have enough money and the proper papers to cross Occupied Europe without a hint of suspicion. We also offer language courses: brush up on your German, French, Danish, or Spanish to make your trip easier.
Hear what guests have been saying:
"Fantastic Operation!"- Lieutenant Carter
"The best pizza I ever had!"- Major Bonacelli*
"Who would want to escape all this beauty?"- Colonel Hogan
"These guys are so dedicated they dressed as women so we could escape!"- Kathy Pruitt
"I know nothing!"- Sergeant Schultz
Stalag 13 is pleased to host you and we wish you a pleasant and safe journey back to freedom!
*Our chef is French and very temperamental. He will insult you.
*Listen to him, or Wilson will make sure this is a stay you'll never forget!
*Do not go near his lab. You will probably blow yourself up.
*For all that is holy, do not order pizza. LeBeau will kill you.