A/N at the end of the chapter
The Secret Diary of Kiyotaka Ijichi
January 10, 2018
Dear Diary,
I'm used to being the silent spectator in the life of Satoru Gojo, a life that, to say the least, is a continuous source of stress.
Driving for him is like playing a lottery with fate: who knows if today he'll throw a sarcastic comment, a random order, or worse, complete silence. And after what happened with… well, with his best friend, to say he's in a "dark" mood is an understatement. So, you can imagine my joy at having to endure his tense silence for the entire trip.
Yet here I am, once again, driving him and Principal Yaga to yet another boring meeting with that group of ancient relics from the Zenin clan. Ah, the Zenin clan… just saying their name gives me the chills.
But back to the point.
After what felt like an eternity, they finally returned, and in the car, he couldn't stop talking about her. Nothing but the name "Suzue" repeated over and over. Suzue here, Suzue there… Suzue, Suzue, Suzue! Suzue Kujou. Not that I needed to know her name, but after hearing Gojo-san repeat it the entire trip, I think if I hadn't memorized it, my existence would have lost all meaning, and the mere fact that he's fixated on someone other than himself is a phenomenon worth documenting.
From what I gathered, Suzue is a poor soul who's accidentally found herself at the center of Gojo-san's attention, simply by existing in the same space as him. They exchanged almost no words, and yet Gojo-san, the man who can't stand being ignored, was completely thrown by her quiet composure. It's almost pitiful to watch. Almost.
Gojo-san described her as an angel who fell into a nest of vipers. An angel. Now, when Satoru Gojo calls someone an "angel," it's time to worry. The way he said that word gave me chills.
Yaga, as always, just sighed. He looks like a man who's seen too much and would prefer not to see any more. Understandable.
I can't help but think that this girl is an angel sent to redeem him or, more likely, a new source of trouble. Let's just hope that this angel doesn't soon become another victim of the chaos that follows Gojo-san wherever he goes.
Who knows, maybe that angel Suzue has made him forget, at least for a moment, the weight he carries. Or maybe it's just Gojo-san's usual fixation on what he can't have or control. In any case, I suspect I'll have to worry about this soon enough.
Conclusion: Today I witnessed the beginning of something, and I'm already fed up. Suzue, dear, I wish you good luck. With all my heart.
Kiyotaka Ijichi, driver not by choice, but by cruel destiny.
June 24, 2018
Dear Diary,
Today was one of those days when you wonder if you've chosen the wrong career. I was tasked with escorting a new assistant to Tokyo Jujutsu High. Nothing strange about that, you might think. But then I found out that the assistant in question was Suzue Kujou. Yes, that Suzue, the one Satoru Gojo has been obsessing over. The "angel." I wonder what I did wrong in life to get dragged into this mess. Gojo-san has a way of fixating on things—or in this case, people—in the most intense, unsettling ways, and now I was about to deliver his latest object of interest right into his hands. The thought alone made my stomach churn.
And why, in the name of all that is right and sacred, was she so… calm? She was composed, silent, and seemed almost resigned. What on earth did she do to deserve a spot as Satoru Gojo's personal assistant? Being Gojo-san's assistant isn't exactly a walk in the park; it's more like walking a tightrope over an active volcano, with him jumping around and throwing rocks to see if you lose your balance.
On the way to the school, silence reigned supreme. Suzue didn't say a word, and frankly, I was grateful. Honestly, I didn't know who was more stressed: me, already anticipating the dozens of disastrous scenarios that could involve Gojo-san, especially considering he seems to have developed an unhealthy interest in her, or her, who seemed on the verge of collapsing under the weight of thoughts I didn't dare imagine.
And now here we are, arriving at Jujutsu High, and I'm left to drop Suzue off at the foot of those endless stairs. I watched her trudge up the steps with that little yellow backpack, and I couldn't help but wonder how long she'll last in this environment. Suzue seems like a lamb led to slaughter.
Conclusion: Satoru Gojo has a new toy, and me? I have another day to forget.
Kiyotaka Ijichi, the unwitting ferryman of lost souls.
July 7, 2018
Dear Diary,
The day started like so many others: delivering a mission to Suzue and the First-years. A seemingly harmless mission, an evacuation in a prison with no trace of curses. The first words she said to me after reading the file left me speechless. Not only did she abruptly cut me off, but she seemed ready to tell off anyone who got in her way. Including me, apparently.
She made me think: is she really an angel or just another ticking time bomb like Gojo-san?
"Send someone else." Just like that, without batting an eye. As if she could order me to reverse decisions made by higher-ups with just a wave of her hand.
Another drop of sweat slid down my forehead. Why does this always happen to me? I've never felt so small in my life. Suzue looked at me as if I were the last of the incompetents, and in a way… I can't blame her.
Yes, you heard right: sweet, timid Suzue, whom I would've imagined having trouble raising her voice, practically ignored all my objections and the just decided to dive headfirst into this mission with the students.
Not that I mind, really. It's just that… how can I put it… the mission was already difficult enough without the risk of Suzue putting herself in direct danger.
So here we are, at the prison, overseeing a place soaked in anguish and despair, with a special-grade curse looming like the Sword of Damocles. And I ask myself: how did we end up here?
Suzue, with all her apparent calm, gave clear and precise instructions to the kids. And I have to admit, she seemed to know what she was doing. Maybe too well for an assistant? And when she decided to stay and oversee things, I felt relieved… and terrified at the same time.
Then the worst happened. The entire building was swallowed up in a domain, and at that moment, I realized things were falling apart. The weight of what could happen—what might have already happened—to those kids, to Suzue, was suffocating. And there was one terrifying thought that wouldn't leave my mind: if anything happened to her, Satoru Gojo would not be pleased. And if Gojo-san wasn't pleased, I… well, I might as well start digging my own grave.
Conclusion: Suzue, angel or not, is only going to bring trouble. And me? I'm just here, trying not to lose my mind while Gojo-san and his new accomplice put everything at risk.
Kiyotaka Ijichi, the poor assistant who might prefer Satoru Gojo's troubles over Suzue's.
July 10, 2018
Dear Diary,
I lived through a true nightmare. The situation at the prison deteriorated in ways I couldn't have imagined even in my worst nightmares. Suzue… that girl… faced off against Sukuna. I don't know how she survived, and I don't even know how she's sitting there, in front of me, discussing the details of the report as if she wasn't inches from death.
And now, to make things worse, I have to worry about how Gojo-san will react when he sees her in this state. If there's one thing I don't want to do, it's be the messenger who brings bad news to Satoru Gojo. Especially when the bad news involves someone he clearly cares about much more than he's willing to admit.
After the incident at the prison, I find myself still dealing with the chaos Suzue Kujou has unleashed. And I'm not just talking about the official report that already feels like a nightmare—an entire building destroyed, a dozen assistants in a state of panic, and the cherry on top: the alleged defeat of Sukuna's vessel.
Every line feels like it could be a career-ending statement if it falls into the wrong hands and while I tried to complete the report, she kept nitpicking over every detail. Every. Single. Detail. "Ijichi, do we really need to write that I broke through the roof?" Of course, Suzue, why not mention that you practically ignored every protocol, exposing yourself to a crowd of non-sorcerers? Just what we need right now, more problems with the higher-ups.
And as if that wasn't enough, who shows up to make things worse? That's right, our dear Satoru Gojo, with his god complex fully intact. The moment he returned—soaking wet, no less—his mere presence made the situation even more tense. There's nothing worse than being stuck between a stubborn Suzue and a pushy, dangerously concerned Satoru Gojo.
I quickly realized that my role there was about to shift from simple assistant to scapegoat. He gave me a look, then one to her, and instantly understood that things hadn't gone as planned.
There was something in his eyes when he looked at her—a particular attention, a care that he never shows anyone else. It's subtle, but it's there. And Suzue, despite everything she'd been through, seemed almost reassured by his presence. It's almost as if, in the midst of all this chaos, he's the only thing keeping her grounded.
And, of course, he didn't waste any time giving me orders in that usual tone of his that brooks no argument. He practically kicked me out of the room with a single look. I had no choice but to grab my documents and leave, tripping over myself as I did, as usual.
Their relationship is… strange. I can't define it in any other way. He always seems on the verge of exploding whenever something involves her, while she… she seems to crumble every time she looks at him. It's almost embarrassing how obvious it is, and I find myself wondering how long it'll be before this turns into a gigantic problem. You know it's going to end badly, but you can't look away.
Conclusion: Another day in hell with the feeling that, very soon, I'll be the one writing the obituary for this odd couple.
Kiyotaka Ijichi, the assistant who desperately wishes for an invisibility potion.
July 20, 2018
Dear Diary,
Accompanying Satoru Gojo and Suzue Kujou to Jujutsu Headquarters turned out to be one of the most embarrassing and frustrating tasks of my career.
Imagine: you're sitting at the wheel, with the anxiety of someone who knows that any word or gesture could be misunderstood and cause unimaginable disasters. And meanwhile, behind you, there's this couple-not-couple who don't even realize how blatantly romantic they are in their little exchanges. No, I'm not bitter. I'm just… exhausted.
At one point, Gojo-san casually draped his arm over the back of the seat, his fingers dangerously close to brushing against Suzue's shoulder. She didn't seem to mind—in fact, she leaned in a bit closer, continuing their whispered conversation as if they were the only two people in the world. I couldn't help but roll my eyes internally, because what am I supposed to do? Put on some music?
I don't know how they don't notice how obvious they are. Or maybe they do, and they just don't care.
The return trip was no better. If anything, it was worse. I had to endure their conversation about Suzue's promotion. She, so insecure, kept agonizing over whether or not she deserved the special-grade title. And then there was Gojo-san, with his usual air of confidence, trying to convince her that she does deserve it. The man could charm a snake out of its skin if he wanted to, but this… this was something different. This was personal for him.
But the worst part was seeing how he looked at her… like she was the most precious thing in the world. It was the kind of look that most people only dream of receiving, the kind that says, "You're worth everything."
And me? I'm sitting at the wheel, praying for someone to pull me out of this sentimental nightmare.
My love life pales in comparison, and it's not like I needed a reminder.
Gojo-san decided to stop the car in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of night, because… why? Oh, right, there was another curse to deal with. But honestly, it seemed more like an excuse to spend a bit more time alone. There should be a law against these things, against having to stop on a deserted road while those two exchange words and gestures that scream "couple." And what can I do? I just nod, smile, and hope that no one decides to turn this into hallway gossip, because that would be the end of me.
Conclusion: If there's a hell, it definitely includes being the personal chauffeur of Satoru Gojo and his, what shall we call her? Unwitting admirer? Unwitting torment? I don't know, but if I figure it out, I'll write it down on the next page.
Kiyotaka Ijichi, chauffeur of the lovebirds.
August 19, 2018
Dear Diary,
Today was one of those days when I wished I was anywhere but here. Why, you ask? Well, imagine having to survive the crossfire between two people who don't even realize they're completely infatuated with each other. Yes, I'm talking about Satoru Gojo and Suzue Kujou. And me, poor me, once again stuck holding the candle.
I was in the teachers' lounge, trying to make him understand that he needed to attend an important meeting at Zenin estate. And what does he do? He acts like a spoiled child. Why? Just because he could. That's Satoru Gojo for you—untouchable, unstoppable, and undeniably frustrating.
But of course, I had no choice but to stay there, trying to persuade him with the usual diplomacy that no one ever taught me, but that I've been forced to develop to survive.
And then, right when I was about to give up and accept defeat, who walks in? Suzue, of course.
Like clockwork. The moment she steps into the room, everything changes. Just one smile from her, one kind word, and Gojo-san—yes, Gojo-san—calms down. You heard that right: the most unpredictable, uncontrollable sorcerer in the world actually mellowed out because Suzue Kujou walked into the room. It's almost supernatural. And instead of thanking her like a normal person, he decides that yes, he'll go to the meeting. But not because it's important or because I've been tearing my hair out trying to convince him. No, he's going because she's going!
Whether it's to protect her or simply to not give her a break, I don't know. But one thing's for sure: he's in full denial. It's so obvious that even a blind person would notice. Satoru Gojo, the greatest sorcerer in the world, can't seem to realize that he's got a massive crush on Suzue. And her? She's there, just trying to survive the chaos he creates around her, with a patience that, I must admit, I deeply admire.
I don't know what I'd do without her, honestly. She took control of the situation with such sweetness and calm that even Gojo-san had to relent. But of course, her demeanor didn't go unnoticed. You can tell she cares about him, and maybe that's exactly why she can handle him better than anyone else.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm rooting for Suzue. Really, I am. She has something that makes her… different, maybe more human in a world where humanity seems to be in short supply. If anyone can get Gojo-san out of his denial phase, it's her. But in the meantime, I'm the one who has to endure all this, trying not to get swept up in a situation that's becoming more unbearable by the day.
Conclusion: If Gojo-san doesn't wake up soon, I'm afraid his denial will become my worst nightmare. For now, I'll keep rooting for Suzue, hoping she can tame that thick-headed… and, in the meantime, not lose my sanity entirely.
Kiyotaka Ijichi, the poor assistant trapped in a romantic comedy that no one asked for.
August 20, 2018
Dear Diary,
Ah, what a day. Really, if there's one thing I didn't expect when I started this job, it's to have to be a spectator in a romantic comedy between the most powerful sorcerer of our time and a sweet, timid woman who doesn't even seem to realize the chaos she's causing around her. And yet, here we are.
But let's start from the beginning, with that cursed trip to the snake's den—sorry, I meant the Zenin den.
Satoru Gojo. The "best" of the best, the most arrogant, the strongest… and today, the most clueless. The most tragic moment? When I saw the way he looked at Suzue while she was talking about the kimono. Not just a casual glance, no—this was a full-on, can't-take-his-eyes-off-her kind of stare. But it wasn't the affectionate, heartwarming kind of gaze you'd expect in a love story. No, this was more like he was battling with himself, trying desperately not to jump her or, alternatively, leap out of the nearest window. It was pathetic, really, considering who he is.
But then, of course, he decided to ruin everything.
Because Satoru Gojo can't just give a compliment, no, he has to bring up a topic like… the massacre of her family. Seriously, Gojo-san? Of all the things you could've talked about, you had to choose that? I heard Suzue respond with that calmness that only she can maintain in situations like that, but even I, who usually don't get emotionally involved in these things, felt a knot in my stomach.
And Suzue, oh Suzue, always so unaware, always so ready to see the best in him even when he's being an absolute idiot. It almost made me want to bang my head against the steering wheel, but then I remembered I was driving.
And then, finally, we arrive at the Zenin compound, and that's where everything falls apart. I hadn't even gotten out of the car before Gojo-san was already looking around as if he wanted to punch the first person who looked at Suzue the wrong way. And guess what? He decided to start with Naoya Zenin.
For a moment, I thought it was all over. That Gojo-san had finally lost it and that his career, and perhaps mine, was about to end. But no, Suzue, always her, managed to get him out of there, even though you could see she was furious, and I only caught Gojo-san's "I just messed up big time" expression when he got back to the car.
They were sitting next to each other, still holding hands—though I have no idea how that was still happening—but with expressions that made it seem like they were seriously considering strangling each other.
I don't even know how to describe it other than the biggest argument between two people who, despite everything, can't seem to stay away from each other. Gojo-san, with his usual arrogance, tried to justify punching Naoya Zenin as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
And Suzue? It's clear that she adores him, respects him, but even she has limits. And today, he crossed them all. She finally, lost her patience. And let me tell you, when Suzue loses her patience, it's terrifying. Forget angel: she becomes a force of nature, and Gojo-san, well, it seemed like even he was afraid of her in that moment. And honestly, who could blame him? I certainly wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of her wrath.
I don't know how they managed, but they argued almost the entire ride back. She accused him of controlling her, of not trusting her enough, and he… well, he said things that even he probably didn't really believe. But we all know how Gojo-san is: he feels threatened, he attacks. What an idiot. He was literally crushing every single attempt Suzue made to have a conversation, turning it into a disaster of epic proportions.
"I don't want to live under a dome, not even if that dome is made of your—"
Bam! She almost said it, and that clearly shook him. But the thing is, I think it shook her too, maybe not as visibly, but enough that I could see the hesitation in her eyes.
I had to bite my tongue not to yell at them to stop acting like idiots and finally admit what's obvious to all of us. The word they're both so terrified of is love, and I swear, if they'd just acknowledge it, half of their problems -and mine- would disappear.
And I can already see how this story will end: Gojo-san will realize he's been a jerk, crawl back to her with his tail between his legs, because it's clear to everyone, except him, that Suzue is one of the best things that could ever happen to him. But he seems determined not to see it. And that's frustrating.
Conclusion: I wonder how much longer I'll have to put up with all this. I'd love to see the end of this love story, whether it's a happy ending or a total disaster, because honestly, I don't know how much longer I can endure being a spectator to this circus.
Kiyotaka Ijichi, the poor assistant without hope but always, always, on Suzue's side.
As I close this chapter, all I can say is that if there's any justice in the world, I'll at least get a medal for surviving the romantic train wreck that is Satoru Gojo and Suzue Kujou. Two people so oblivious to their own feelings that they're turning my life into a soap opera I never asked to watch.
I have no idea how this mess is going to end—assuming it ever does—but one thing's for sure: I'll be here, clinging to the last shreds of my sanity, hoping to survive the next wave of romantic nonsense they throw my way. Because, really, what other choice do I have?
Kiyotaka Ijichi, the world's most underpaid, overworked, and tragically underappreciated assistant of this non-couple, signing off.
A/N
I'm sure many of you were eager for a POV from poor Ijichi (yeah, right, sure!).
And what better way to do it than through a secret diary? Come on, let's be honest, he definitely has a secret diary where he writes all his complaints about Satoru Gojo to vent; otherwise, how could he cope?
Anyway, I hope my attempt at humor is appreciated, even if I'm not very good at it (just like with battle scenes, angst scenes... so you might wonder, why do I even write? Trust me, I ask myself the same thing).
That said, this marks the end of this little original arc, and the next chapter will kick off a new arc, once again original!
And with that, I leave you all️