Preface
when there is light (there are shadows)
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at /works/28212504.
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Category: Gen Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア Boku no Hero Academia My Hero Academia Relationships: Aizawa Shouta Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku, Class 1-A & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Uraraka Ochako, Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto, Hagakure Tooru & Midoriya Izuku Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Aizawa Shouta Eraserhead, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Shouto, Uraraka Ochako, Kirishima Eijirou, Tokoyami Fumikage, Ashido Mina, Ojiro Mashirao, Hagakure Tooru, Satou Rikidou, Iida Tenya Additional Tags: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Quirkless reveal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Parental Aizawa Shouta Eraserhead, References to Past Bullying, BAMF Midoriya Izuku, he's too kind i'm cry, but also. he Can and Will punch you if needed, Genius Midoriya Izuku
Language: English
Collections: NWA Holiday Exchange 2020, ao3 finally did it (ofa reveal and more fics), MHA Chaotic Energy 3000, Stuff I liked!, Read it and weep, Got 99 problems but these ain't one, Aizawa Being a Dad, Shadow's Favorite Reads, quill's BNHA fanfic library, oh YES, The Good Bnha Fics, hey_look_at_all_these_hidden_gems, One_Shots_Treasure_Box, Izuku and his Collection of Dads, bernie's bnha rec list, Taste, BNHA Fanfiction Archive, blasphemi's bnha fics, Aizawa and Izuku Mentor-Parent Fics, Lex's Favorite BNHA Fics ٩()۶, My hero academia, Green Bean & Co, Completed stories I've read, great fics from all fandoms :), Fics that give me *ideas, Deku's Dads, Best BNHA Fics, finished works I'm in love with, Worth It BNHA Fanfics Reading List - Completed, Boku no Hero Academia Fics, ..•*.𝙼𝚢 𝙱𝚎𝚋𝚞 𝚖𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚎 .*•.., Don't forget, MHA dadzawa or dadmic and their zero-regrets family , I live for Deku (and Class 1-A), My daddy issues and Dadzawa, Boku no Hero Academia Fanfics, thingsilike, good shit, Midoriya (and others ig) being BAMF and Intelligent, Dadzawa and other, koala's recs, I don't have a personal life, Completed BNHA Fics Stats: Published: 2020-12-21 Words: 5,999 Chapters: 1/1 when there is light (there are shadows)
by azureskyy
Summary
"For this combat training exercise, you will be grouped into four teams of five. There will be two battles in total; one group will be fighting another group, and the two groups left will be fighting each other," Aizawa announces to the class.
"The rules are simple: capture all five of your enemies using the capture tape provided. If no one wins before the timer is up, whoever manages to capture the most opponent wins. And as for quirks?"
Aizawa smiles menacingly.
"They're strictly prohibited."
Or: Izuku has always known that quirklessness equates to uselessness. But as he goes through Class 1-A's training exercise, he finds everything he's believed in being trampled on.
Notes
Hiii Ghost!
First of all, I would like to apologize because this took so long for me to post. Also, thank you for your patience!!
Anddd, I know I said that I was fear.jpg as I was writing this, but despite that I genuinely enjoyed writing this and I hope you like it too!
Have a lovely moon always, ily!
Update: we have art!! thank you so much Gem for being the sweetest, kindest person ever and doing this snifbles, ilysvm
link to the incredible, amazing, stunning art by GEMoore990
See the end of the work for more notes
when there is light (there are shadows)
Izuku stares at the huge buildings looming over him, overwhelmed by the mix of emotions stirring within him.
He's not sure as to what he's supposed to feel, really, or if he's even supposed to feel at all. This is affecting him so much, and he has no idea as to why. He's no longer the person he thinks he is, no longer someone that's useless and weak; One for All runs in his veins now, and he's already capable of holding out on his own.
But for some reasons, when Aizawa announced to their class that they'll be having a quirkless battle for today's activity, he felt worse than when he stood in front of Shigaraki. He didn't feel like he was… him. It almost felt like he wasn't the Deku that faced off with the leaders of the League of Villains and Shie Hassaikai. Instead, he was the Deku that everyone laughed at, someone who couldn't even defend himself.
He was back to being Quirkless Deku.
The thing is, that's not him anymore. He's someone now, so why are the memories haunting him again as if it hasn't tormented him enough already?
Maybe it's because he hasn't fully moved on from his previous classmates' words, or maybe it's the fact that his current classmates are talking about who'd be fighting best without their quirks as if it's just nothing. They're excited even, and maybe Izuku is a little bitter by this entire quirkless thing.
Or maybe, it's a mix of everything. He's not really sure. All he knows is that he feels overwhelmed by it all right now.
"I think it'd be Satou!" Ashido exclaims. "Oh, and Hagakure! She doesn't use her quirk when engaging in combat."
"Ojiro, too," Sero adds, nudging his friend. "He's definitely someone to look out for."
Someone suddenly scoffs, and there's the sound of angry footsteps. Izuku looks over to their direction and finds Kacchan already leading the way towards the training area, not even waiting for them.
"They're not the one you have to be wary of."
"Dude," Kaminari complains. "You literally always use your quirk when fighting; you'd be easy to take down without it!"
Kacchan doesn't bother replying to others' comments on his statement. Instead, he pauses when he's right in front of the gates and then glances at them.
Izuku might just be imagining it, but he swears that Kacchan is looking at him.
"You extras have no idea what you're talking about," he tells them, face almost expressionless. "Stop assuming."
He then enters Ground Beta, and leaves them outside without another word.
The Bakusquad immediately runs in after him, followed by a few more others. He and his friends, on the other hand, take their time in walking down the street as there's still a few more minutes left.
"What do you think of that declaration, Midoriya?" Todoroki asks him after a while of silence, and Izuku knows that his friend is nothing but genuinely curious.
"Kacchan is..." he starts, although he's unsure of how to phrase his thoughts properly. "Kacchan is a genius when it comes to fighting, there's no doubt in that."
"But?"
"But," he isn't like me, he doesn't voice out. Neither does he say, he doesn't have the same experience in fighting without a quirk like I do. Instead, he smiles at Todoroki and leaves it at that.
He pointedly ignores his friend's confused glances, mentally apologizing to him.
Upon their arrival, he instantly takes notice of the two boxes held by Aizawa. Based on that, Izuku presumes that the teams will be decided on just like how the pairs for the Battle Trial that was organized by All Might were chosen—drawing lots of some sort, probably.
"I hope we're in the same team," Uraraka whispers, determination evident in her tone. "We'll beat them in no time!"
"Yeah," he replies, though not as enthusiastic. Based on the results of the Sports Festival, he knows that they'd work well as teammates. "We would."
He knows he made a mistake when Uraraka's gaze narrows at him. She looks as if she's assessing him, and he wonders if picking up on how others are feeling is a second quirk of hers. "Are you okay, Deku?"
"Me?" He asks, although they both know he heard her perfectly. "I'm fine!"
"If you aren't feeling well, you should tell Aizawa-sensei!" Iida interjects as he does his usual hand chopping gestures. "He'll understand, I'm sure! After all, your wellbeing takes priority!"
Izuku appreciates their concern greatly, but this activity is one that he can't miss whether or not he isn't very comfortable with it. Although this is just an exercise, he feels like his worth heavily depends on the results of this.
He needs this—has to know how he'd do without the help of his quirk—and owes this to both his past and current self.
"Thank you," he smiles, as he always does. "But I'm—I really am fine! Just a little nervous."
Uraraka doesn't look convinced, but she nods anyway. "Understandable. I'm nervous too."
"Plus ultra!" Iida cheers, and the four of them—including Todoroki—repeat it in an attempt to encourage themselves.
After a few minutes, the other teachers finally arrive at Ground Beta. The entirety of Class 1-A then all turn towards Aizawa as the heroes line up before them, waiting for his instructions.
"For this combat training exercise, you will be grouped into four teams of five. There will be two battles in total; one group will be fighting another group, and the two groups left will be fighting each other. Teams will be chosen by drawing lots," Aizawa announces, confirming Izuku's guess. "The rules are simple: capture your enemies using the capture tape provided. And if no one wins before the timer is up, whoever manages to capture the most opponents wins. And as for quirks?"
Aizawa smiles menacingly.
"They're strictly prohibited, and points will be deducted from the team that uses it."
"Also, this has been said before and I'm sure you've already left your things in your room. But as a reminder, support gears aren't allowed!" Midnight informs them, gesturing to their costumes. "Costumes are fine—required bodysuit, in Hagakure's case—but aside from that, weapons from outside this training grounds are strictly prohibited."
Aizawa wordlessly picks up the boxes on the ground and holds it out in front of the class representatives. They take it, and one-by-one the class draws lots. Izuku picks up B by chance, and looks around for people in the same group as him.
"Hey, Midori!" Hagakure calls, waving her hand. "What group are you?"
He shows his paper, to which Hagakure cheerfully responds by showing hers as well, which has the letter B on it. He heads towards the group, and only then does he realize who he's grouped with.
"Kacchan," he greets, a little hesitant.
"Deku," Kacchan mutters, glaring at him. Izuku decidedly takes a step away from him, covering up his nervousness with a grin.
"Now, I'll be drawing lots to see which groups will face each other," Aizawa announces, already pulling up two papers. "Let's see… that's group B, battling against group C. So, group D will go up against group A."
He looks over to their rival team. Todoroki and Uraraka are already gesturing at him, while Ashido and Kiri are grinning at Kacchan. On the other hand, Sato is approaching Ojiro, Tokoyami, and Hagakure, likely to say goodluck.
"We won't lose," Uraraka mouths as she demonstrates her punches. "Get ready, Deku!"
Izuku laughs at his friend's antics, some of the weight on his chest lightening. He's really looking forward to battling the other team; they are very capable, and Izuku knows they'll do amazing.
He then turns to his team with a strategy in his mind.
"I have a plan," he tells them quietly. "Let's talk at our team's base."
Tokoyami raises his head, intrigued, while Kacchan just huffs and doesn't comment on it.
And as he and his team head towards the building they're being directed at, Izuku thinks to himself—
we'll win, and that's a promise.
After the planning period given to them, he and his team separate paths based on what they agreed on.
Izuku is waiting on the rooftop, ready to jump towards the other building. He honestly hasn't tried doing this without One for All, but he'll try it anyway.
Plus Ultra.
He takes a deep breath, shaking his hands in an attempt to calm his thumping heart. While he is looking forward to the upcoming battle, he has no idea how to stop the tingling sensation in his palms. It's just that—he can't stand still, can't calm down, and can't even explain this strange feeling.
"Focus," he tells himself, shutting his eyes close as he inhales yet again. "Okay, forget that. All I have to do is remember the plan. It spirals from the first step, so I have to do my part well."
He stands on the middle of the rooftop, clearing his mind as he waits for his cue.
"Combat Training Exercise: Group B versus Group C," Izuku takes a few steps backwards, readying himself. "Start!"
He runs to the edge of the rooftop, internally screaming about how he's not going to make it to the other side, and then jumps.
There's that exhilarating moment when he's on air without One for All humming beneath his skin. It's just—him. Not even his thoughts can reach him as he ventures towards the center of Ground Beta, forty feet above ground.
It's a freeing feeling. It's almost as if he's flying despite not having wings, all worries left behind as he continues to move.
Jump, roll to receive the impact, run. It's all he has to care about up in the air, aside from his actual objective.
He only stops when he finally spots the rival team a few blocks away. He stays, observing and waiting, until they're close enough that they can hear him if he yells.
He makes it to the side of the roof unnoticed by the other team as they're too busy checking the grounds.
("So, what's your plan?" Hagakure asks, enthusiasm evident in her tone.
"You literally just stared at them then formed a strategy," Ojiro mutters. "How even—?"
"Oh no! All I did was take into account their individual fighting styles, team combination, and possible strategies with their added strength then thought of a possible way to counter that!" He explains.
Ojiro raises a brow at that, seemingly unsure but nodding anyway.
"Go ahead," Tokoyami interjects.
"Okay so, the first step is—")
A loud crash resonates against the walls of the buildings and to their area, and the group instantly turns to the direction of the noise. They proceed to head to its source—however, Izuku isn't letting them run too far from him.
"Nice weather we're having today, huh?" He shouts, and they freeze when they hear his voice. From above Izuku can see Todoroki signing something at them, and the other three nod before leaving. Uraraka and Todoroki, on the other hand, remain standing in their respective places, and Izuku can guess that they've already talked about this certain scenario.
("—to separate them; to bring attention to one, and cause havoc in another location," He glances at their current hideout, then at his teammates. "If they face this someone head on, there's a big chance that they'll get ambushed from behind. So, their best option is to split up—whether for the other half to scan the area and clear it, or to check on the chaos on the other side of the map.")
First part done, he thinks, smiling a little at that.
"It is," Uraraka agrees. "Why don't you come down here and have a little chat with us?"
Izuku shrugs, before realizing that they might not see it clearly due to the distance between them. "I don't know, I'm kind of enjoying the air up here."
"Why don't we go up there, then?" Todoroki asks this time, and Izuku can't help but smile.
"I mean, I wouldn't stop you," The two of them inch closer to the building he's in, and Izuku watches. They seem wary of him, looking around in preparation for an ambush as they try to reach him.
The two of them run up the stairs, but Izuku has other plans. And so, once they take a step onto the roof he's in, he acts panicked.
("Step two—lure them to the rendezvous point.")
"Ah, I forgot my very special pen at our hideout!" He looks around for his non-existent pen, before looking at them. "Gotta go—bye!"
He turns around, and starts jumping from one building to another. From behind him he hears them calling out to him, but he decidedly ignores it. He slows down a little though, and when he finally checks he finds that they've returned to the streets, running after him.
"Why did they go down again?" He asks himself, confused. "Couldn't they have just jumped after me?"
He goes on his way, glancing at them from time to time to ensure that they're still going after him. It doesn't take too long for him to get to Point B, and when he does he immediately runs down the stairs and out to face them.
"Well that was an exercise," Todoroki apathetically says as they prepare for battle. Izuku smiles, falling into a fighting stance as well.
"Deku, you're underestimating us!" Uraraka exclaims as she attempts to tackle him. He jumps away and uses her attack against her by holding her wrists tightly and flipping her down.
("Ochako knows Gunhead martial arts but isn't completely used to it as she's been fighting with her quirk all this time. And while her technique isn't something we can underestimate, the extent of her knowledge will limit her from last second decisions in fighting.")
Uraraka isn't done, though. She drags Izuku from below and throws him forward. He rolls to receive the fall's impact, while she's quick to push herself up and regain her composure.
Uraraka tries to kick him, but Izuku turns around and kicks the back of her knees. Losing balance, she stumbles and is replaced by Todoroki who throws a punch. Izuku, expecting that, steps away from the direct line of it and kicks him at his side.
They're strong, he's not going to lie, but that strength is nothing if they can't land an attack on him.
Let it be known that Izuku is all too used to the art of evading.
They're starting to put their undivided attention on him, realizing that he's better at quirkless fighting than everyone expected him to be; while he is much better with One for All, of course he couldn't have properly executed his attacks without the help of his knowledge in fighting.
Todoroki is now staring at him, eyes scrutinizing him in search of a weak spot. He walks behind Izuku, while Uraraka remains standing in front of him. They're circling around him, and Izuku doesn't dare let his guard down even for a second.
("Todoroki heavily relies on his quirk, causing his hand-to-hand combat to be lacking in power and technique. Thus, he's easier to defeat than Uraraka. However, I have to focus on Uraraka when they take me on simultaneously. So, we can take advantage of his lack of experience when it comes to battles like this and his lack of situational awareness.")
"Where's your team, Midoriya?" Todoroki asks, making Izuku tilt his head a little to the side. Todoroki can't see him, but he still grins.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
Uraraka suddenly advances forward, and Izuku feints a punch which causes her to instinctively change her stance into receiving one. He draws his hand back immediately, with the other pulling the capture tape from his pocket. He then wraps it around her wrist, not even bothering to check on Todoroki as he knows that it's already taken care of.
"Uraraka and Todoroki captured," He turns to Hagakure and gives her a thumbs up, and she does the same before walking towards him.
"What?" Uraraka asks in shock. "Wait, what? What happened?"
"Midori is amazing, that's what!" Hagakure answers, patting his back. "We have to go though,"
"I'll, uhm, answer any questions later?" He tells them, though his tone makes it more of a question than a statement. He and his teammate start running, waving at the captured two. "See you later!"
They take the narrow alleyways, weaving through the training area like shadows. They hide their presence despite not being in the enemies' line of sight, careful with their movements in case their team has been defeated—though unlikely.
Their remaining opponents can't be underestimated. Two out of the three excel in fighting without the need for their quirks and definitely are threats. Still, his teammates are no pushovers either.
While Kacchan isn't good at quirkless fighting as he's been relying on his quirk ever since he's gotten it, he's not a combat genius for nothing. Moreover, Ojiro is a master when it comes to martial arts. Their problem is that Tokoyami relies on his quirk too much, and while his match, Ashido, also depends on her quirk, she can probably fight better than Tokoyami.
To raise their chance of success, Izuku and Hagakure have to get to them before any one of them gets captured; five against three will ensure their win, especially with three of them being quirkless fighters.
"There," Hagakure quietly points out, and they both slow down as they approach their classmates that are in the middle of a battle. They're all close to the exit of the alley they're in, and just as they planned the pairs that are fighting are Tokoyami and Ashido, Kacchan and Kirishima, then Satou and Ojiro.
("Tokoyami and Ashido are best to fight each other as they both depend on their quirks. We need someone to match her energetic way of fighting with quick decision-making to both defend and attack," Izuku turns to the others. "Kacchan can take on Kirishima as they both know each other's fighting style well, while Ojiro and Satou will go up against each other as they're equally capable when it comes to fighting without their quirks."
"Is that the last of the steps? Just defeat them?"
"No," Izuku says. "The last step is that Hagakure and I will jump in the fray to increase our chances of victory.")
"We can join them now,"
"After you," Izuku proceeds to take his capture tape and assist his teammates as quietly as he can. With their opponents too focused on their ongoing battles, it's easy for Izuku to wrap the tape around Ashido's arm the moment he finds the opportunity to do so.
"That's not fair!" Ashido complains, noticing that she's already out of the battle. "How did you even get here so fast, Midori?"
"Through sheer determination and spite,"
"Through what?"
Izuku only smiles in response, before glancing at his other classmates and walking towards the alley's garbage bin. He picks it up effortlessly, aiming at them.
"Incoming!" He yells, before hauling it off towards their direction. They all scramble away from it, though his teammates who knew about the plan are quick to capture their distracted opponents. And then—
"...Group B wins."
Silence overtakes their surroundings, with all of them trying to process what just transpired; they're all just staring at the garbage bin in an attempt to make sense of everything.
Finally, after what seems to be years, Izuku breaks the silence.
"We won," he says, looking down at his hands. One for All hums beneath his skin and green lightning surrounds him, disappearing just as quickly as it appeared.
Happy tears well up in his eyes. They won. They actually won. And without even one of them getting captured, too!
Then, the realization dawns upon him as they're retreating back to the meeting area.
Izuku, without the help of his quirk, won.
None of this makes sense. He isn't—he's never been supposed to win as someone who's quirkless. He's weak and useless without One for All—everyone told him so. And though the other team didn't use their quirks either and he had his team with him, this victory still says a lot—maybe a little too much.
The results leave Izuku empty and exhausted, and he just wants to hide from reality. He can't yet though as there's still the other team they have to watch, and Izuku may not be in the mood to do so but he wants to erase all his thoughts by distracting himself with some analysis.
"Aside from a few of you, that was a performance we certainly need to improve on," Aizawa announces, letting out a sigh. "Well done to the group who won; that was a well thought-out plan, although I noticed that most of its weight was placed on Midoriya. Was that intentional?"
Before Izuku can respond, Kacchan beats him to it.
"Damn right it was," Kacchan glares at Aizawa, pocketing his hands. "I don't see anything wrong with that."
Aizawa raises a brow. "I never said there was."
Kacchan scoffs, looking away from their teacher. He adds nothing more to it, and so Aizawa continues.
"Anyway, moving forward. Group A versus group D will take place in about… ten minutes. Do whatever you want in the meantime."
Aizawa takes a seat beside Recovery Girl, while the class closes in on their team. Izuku leans back, trying to put a little more space between them but to no avail.
"Move away, extras," Kacchan says, probably having the same thought as Izuku.
A few of them apologize, immediately moving away to give them more space. Izuku relaxes at that and is able to breathe better.
"Dude, that was so manly!" Kirishima compliments after a while, a large grin plastered on his face.
"Yeah, Deku!" Uraraka cheers, "Your plan was so incredible; you even considered the way we fight! And neither of us even noticed Hagakure as we were too busy thinking of a way to defeat you!"
"Ah well, Hagakure is already good at stealth so I just took advantage of that," He admits, rubbing the back of his neck. He feels uncomfortable with all the attention he's getting, and he really isn't sure how he's supposed to react.
"Still!" Hagakure insists. "Did you see the way he threw that garbage bin so casually? Mina and I tried carrying it before we left and we could barely move it!"
"Honestly, I bet that even without using a quirk, Midoriya can still defeat us!"
Izuku freezes at that, blood running cold from those words. He doesn't even know who said that, nor does he know how they came to that conclusion. All he knows is that he has to get out of this room because it's too much for him, but he's trapped inside with no way out.
Distantly he hears people arguing in the background, but he can't understand their words. All he can think of right now are those words ringing in his ears, with no signs of stopping anytime soon.
You're nothing, Deku.
You're weak and useless.
You can't be a hero.
You can be a hero with my quirk.
I bet that even without using a quirk, Midoriya can still defeat us!
Izuku has no idea on who or what to believe, because all his life he's been told that he can't do anything because he's quirkless. And yet, right now, he's being complimented for fighting well without a quirk. It's like all he's believed in are being trampled on—the understanding that quirklessness equates to failure being broken down.
What now? He asks himself, trying to grip onto reality. What does this change?
Earlier it felt like his worth heavily depended on the results of this exercise, but now that it's over he isn't sure what this means exactly. Is this—is this something life-changing when they were all fighting quirkless anyway? Was the "I bet that even without using a quirk, Midoriya can still defeat us," even sincere and true? Could he really, even without One for All, manage to win against them?
What if he, quirkless Deku, fought against fate and applied for the heroics course in an attempt to be the first quirkless hero ever?
"I," he takes a deep, shuddering breath. He can't think of this. Not now when the entire class is around him. "I... can I—?"
"You're free to go," Aizawa answers, even though Izuku didn't even clarify what it is that he's asking for. "The students that are finished with their battles are dismissed if they wish, or may stay behind to watch the rest of the training exercise."
He sends a thankful glance to his teacher's direction, before standing up and running out of the room.
Izuku sits on the rooftop, back leaning against the wall. He stares at the sky above them, wanting to clear his mind from his raging thoughts. But it wanders, further and further, exploring every possibility that could have occurred back when he was still quirkless.
He's not sure what to make out of his classmates' words, both previous and current. Maybe they won't even say it if he really was quirkless, but he still doesn't know what to think of it. It makes something in him cry out, a yearning burning in his chest, though he can't pinpoint the reason as to why exactly.
"Midoriya?" He buries his face in his knees, hugging his legs closer as his teacher approaches. He hears the shuffle of feet, then a thud beside him.
"Sensei,"
Aizawa doesn't speak, but his presence alone comforts Izuku. This is probably one of the first times he actually cried with someone, compared to crying because of someone. There's a huge difference, he realizes, and he wonders if it's a change brought by having a quirk.
"What happened?" Aizawa's voice is kind as he broaches the topic. There's no hidden contempt that he usually finds easy to spot nor a hint of annoyance in his tone. Still, despite himself, Izuku tenses as he shakes his head in response.
It's the truth—nothing really happened, just that Izuku's been overthinking everything and looking deeper into things when it's actually just a shallow river.
"I just—" He trails off. How is he supposed to continue? What is he supposed to say? He can't just reveal One for All when it's a secret he's expected to keep. "I don't know."
"You don't know, can't put it into words, or can't say?" Izuku looks up at Aizawa, then at the wall across them.
He doesn't reply.
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, kid," Izuku clenches his fists, pointedly ignoring the way his hands tremble. "This isn't a mandatory talk of any sort,"
"I mean, well, it's not really..." Izuku trails off hesitantly. "It's just... me. Overreacting, as I usually do."
"How so?"
Izuku struggles to find the right words to say, but he tries anyway because he can't not respond. Aizawa may be someone he trusts, but that doesn't mean he's willing to push Aizawa's patience to its limit.
"I'm acting like it affects me when—when it doesn't. This changes nothing. And yet—I'm here, pretending like I have the right to feel something when I don't," Izuku turns away, hiding his face as his tears trickle down his cheeks. "I already left it all behind. This is—isn't this—? I—I just. I don't know."
"Does it have anything to do with the way the activity ran?" Aizawa questions. "Quirkless Battles?"
Izuku feels his blood run cold, and he has to physically stop himself from asking him, 'do you know the person I used to be?' by biting his tongue. However, he can't stop the strangled sob that escapes his lips at the reminder of his past.
"Midoriya," Izuku leans his shoulder against the wall, completely turning away from Aizawa. "Kid, look at me."
"No, I—I don't... I'm sorry."
"What are you apologizing for?"
"It's stupid," he admits, wiping his tears away with more force than necessary. "I'm crying and overthinking for nothing. This is stupid. I'm wasting your time."
"Kid, listen," He hears Aizawa shift a little. "You have nothing to apologize for, and you're not wasting my time at all. Clearly something is bothering you—most likely related to the aforementioned activity—and I apologize for not noticing earlier."
With his brows furrowed in confusion and disbelief, he turns to Aizawa. "What?"
"Yes?"
"No, it's just—" he exhales. "Why would you apologize to me? It's not—it's not your responsibility to notice those kind of things."
Aizawa reciprocates his expression. "Of course it is, as an adult—your teacher and a hero—who's supposed to guide you kids."
Izuku purses his lips, still processing Aizawa's words. Izuku can't sense any lie there, but that's not how it works. That's never been how it was—for him, at least.
"Teachers don't do that," he whispers, trying to keep his voice stable. There's a lump in his throat that doesn't go away no matter how many times he clears his throat. "Teachers… they—that's not how they do things."
He clasps his hands together, before speaking.
"Teachers, they only... They only watch when their students fight, even if it's a one-sided battle. When you reach out to them, they either give you empty promises or tell you off," He remembers being so shaken the first time his teacher scolded him back in third grade. He was never able to tell his mother out of his fear, and simply remained quiet. From that point onwards, most likely due to his reaction to it, he experienced the same treatment over and over. "It always ends up with the scenario of the weaker one being punished, and the stronger ones leaving the office with barely a slap on their hands. That's—it's how it's supposed to be."
Aizawa has an unreadable expression on his face, and Izuku realizes what he just admitted. He's about to take his words back when his teacher suddenly says, "They failed you."
Izuku lets out a quiet, "what?"
"They failed you, kid. They weren't supposed to do that to you."
"But it was my fault—"
"No," Aizawa firmly says, leaving no room for argument. "No, it wasn't. There is no valid reason for them to treat you like that."
"What if there is?" He argues, trying to prove Aizawa wrong. Because—there has to be. It should be—it has to be his fault. There's no way his teachers did that if they didn't think that Izuku deserved it. "I constantly bothered my peers, cheated in exams, bullied my friends—"
"Even if you did, though I highly doubt it, that's still not right."
"You saw my records," Izuku laughs bitterly. "There has to be a lot of offenses there. You know there is. You know it's true."
"I've seen it," Aizawa agrees. "But that—"
"I was quirkless," he interjects, emphasizing the word he dreads most. "I was… quirkless, so their treatment makes sense doesn't it?"
His voice becomes near inaudible as he reaches the last word of his sentence. Realizing what he just said, Izuku's eyes widen and he lets out a horrified gasp. He instantly slaps a hand over his mouth, backing away from Aizawa slightly.
Aizawa doesn't even blink as he stares in shock at Izuku's unexpected revelation. There's a lot to unpack from that word alone, explanations from his earlier concerns now out in the open.
He keeps his eyes on Aizawa, alert in case anything happens. He knows that Aizawa isn't like his previous teachers, but he doesn't know just how different he is from them.
The silence stretches out a little further, and Izuku becomes more and more panicked as the seconds trickle by. He isn't sure as to what he's supposed to expect of Aizawa, and he doesn't like that.
"Midoriya," Aizawa calls softly. "I'm going to give you my capture weapon okay? I'm not going to hurt you—I'd never. I promise."
Izuku can't help the tears from once again streaming down his face.
"Okay?" Aizawa asks to confirm. He nods wordlessly, and watches as the hero unravels his scarf carefully and gently hands it to him. Izuku stares at it for a moment, before taking it from him.
"Alright," Aizawa starts, taking in a deep breath. "First of all, I'm certain that you did none of the things you've mentioned; I know it based on my observations for the past few months. So, your earlier argument is invalid."
Izuku doesn't protest against it.
"Moving forward, quirks don't define a person's worth. Whether you have a quirk or not, a physical one or a mental one, you are deserving of respect."
"But… they told me," he weakly counters.
"They're wrong."
He wraps the end of the scarf around his hand, a little of his attention being diverted to it.
"Did I… Did I go wrong somewhere, too?" Izuku's grip on the capture weapon tightens. "All I wanted was for one person to understand, sensei. I never asked for the entire world to be on my side! I just needed one person to tell me that my quirklessness didn't mean that I was useless. And yet, only now that I have a quirk do I feel like I actually matter. It took eleven years and a quirk for me to… for me to—"
Unable to continue, Izuku drops his gaze down on the floor. His whole body is shaking with how much pain he's in, though not physically.
"You've been tormented, discriminated against, and ostracized for more than a decade. That's... kid, I can't even imagine just how much you've gone through."
Had it really been that bad? Is it really as serious as Aizawa makes it out to be? Sure it's accurate, but Izuku... he doesn't know what to think of it.
"What you're feeling, not just right now but also your thoughts regarding the battle trial earlier—is valid. You definitely have the right to feel that way."
The way Aizawa says it makes it seem like it's a fact, like there's nothing in the world that can possibly disprove his words. It makes him want to believe that being him is alright, that there's nothing wrong with it.
"It... it is? Even if I'm not quirkless anymore?"
"Yes," Aizawa affirms. "Even if the circumstances have changed, it doesn't invalidate all the pain you've received—especially from the people you thought you could depend on."
Aizawa raises his hand, as if to ask permission. Izuku slightly nods, and with that Aizawa places a hand on the top of his head for a short moment before drawing it back again.
"You don't have to suffer alone anymore," Something in Izuku slightly heals. He sighs in relief, the weight on his chest and shoulders dissipating.
"All I wanted was to be a hero,"
"You're doing well in pursuing that path, kid," Aizawa says. And then, "In fact, you're already a hero to many. And you'll be a great pro-hero—whether with the help of your quirk or not."
Izuku smiles genuinely, something he hasn't done in a while. And although he's sure that his eyes are red and puffy, he hopes that Aizawa knows that it's a sincere grin.
"That's—that's all I ever needed," He tells Aizawa. He holds the capture weapon for a second more, then returns it back to the hero. "Thank you, sensei, I'll make you proud, I swear!"
Aizawa huffs, and Izuku can see a small smile on his face. The hero leans back against the wall, and looks up at the sky.
"I already am, kid."
For the last time that night, Izuku bursts into tears.
Afterword
End Notes
Thank youuu so much to Amira (DancingInTheStorm) for being such a great secret keeper and for the Validation! Also to Lilly (Authoress_Lilly) and Tri (prettaebub) for checking the first half of this fic over for me. Ily all!! 3
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