Feyre POV:
I didn't sleep at all, my heart hammering. I couldn't rest.
Every time I closed my eyes and I saw my family dead, wounded. Because of me. Because I couldn't protect them. Nightmares of what ifs, of future threats yet all based on past real horrors.
Anxiety gnawed at my gut, bile in my throat.
I wouldn't rest until I had the Book. The extra chance should we face another war, another threat.
I was High Lady of the Night Court. Rhys may want to keep me safe, but he regularly made decisions that threatened his safety. He would forgive me eventually.
I pulled my body out of bed, the night air cooling my sweat soaked skin.
It was after midnight. I pulled my leggings on and zipped my black jacket up, listening to the silence down the halls. Azriel and Cassian would be asleep now.
I could winnow most of the way to the Spring Court, grab the book through the hidden garden wall entrance, avoid Tamlin completely, and be back by morning.
Tamlin.
Just his name made nausea rise in my gut. One day I would kill him.
I thought back to his vile comments at the High Lords meeting. How I had ever loved him I truly don't know.
I wrapped a cloak of sound barrier around my footsteps, avoiding the creak of the floor boards as I shimmied out of the front door.
The cold night air made me shiver violently and I hesitated, thinking of getting my coat. There was no time. I couldn't risk the Illyrians stopping me.
I shivered as I began running to the pine forest, pushing my legs harder against the snow speckled wind, willing warmth into bones.
I sighed in relief as I was now hidden by trees. The night was quiet and peaceful. I felt a ping of fear in my chest, at the thought of running into Tamlin when I got there, but I pushed it down with my anger.
I continued running, not daring to stop lest the cold get to me. I really didn't consider how much colder these snowy nights were becoming.
I felt smug as I jogged and winnowed. Proud that I could do this for my family, for my home. That I could successfully protect-
The snow lifted in one solid sheet as a shadow pierced into the earth, paces in front of me.
His wings were spread wide, his eyes lethally cold.
I gasped, catching my breath.
Cassian stood with an expression so livid, I feared my knees would give out. Every muscle was tensed and ready for action , his arms by his side. A growl rumbled in his chest.
I stood wide eyed and frozen. Caught.
"What IN THE HELL… are you thinking."
His words were restrained and calculated against the rage behind them. I swallowed a gulp.
"I'm doing this to protect all of YOU." I said with forced confidence, my frustration returning to cover my feelings of anxiety.
He stormed a few steps closer, a powerhouse of muscle, the ground practically shaking with his steps.
"Get your ass home, RIGHT NOW." He crossed his arms, standing as tall as he could, towering over me, his wings spreading wide, creating more of him to block my path.
Anger surged through me. Once again I would be the incompetent one who achieved nothing, with the others risked their lives for me. Powerless.
"Getting the Book means more protection for us." I spat the words.
I almost struggled to get the whole sentence out as his face morphed into pure icy rage.
"Tamlin could kill you, Feyre!" He yelled, rage radiating off him.
"And then what about Rhys, what about us!" He hit his chest. "Have you thought about what that would do to us?" His voice broke slightly with emotion.
I steadied my composure.
"I can handle him." I said defiantly, squaring my shoulders.
Cassians nostrils flared.
He stepped closer, his chest rising with a restrained breath.
"Turn. Around. Now." A menacing warning.
Anger hit me hard in the stomach.
Helplessness was not a virtue I valued of recent.
I lifted my chin.
"I am your High Lady, Cassian." I stepped forward, my hands in fists by my side, a growl in my chest.
"You don't get to stop me. I outrank YOU, General." My words were cold and sarcastic.
Cassian's mouth turned up in a predatory smirk. A silent challenge accepted.
"I don't give a FUCK about your ranking, Feyre. It's my job to keep you safe." He stalked forward and I recoiled a few steps on instinct.
"Going off into enemy land without protection is idiotic. We are going to home, NOW. " He grabbed my arm, spinning me back around towards the manor.
I dug my feet into the snow. He let go as he felt my resistance.
"You will not stop me." I spat.
My heart pounding filled my ears.
He tilted his head, a predator looking at their prey, and grit his teeth.
His mouth pulled up in a menacing smile.
"Sweetheart, in case you haven't noticed, I am larger, stronger and faster than you. I have no problem DRAGGING your suicidal ass home."
I'd never really been on the receiving end of perceiving Cassian as a threat. But he was truly terrifying.
His winds spread wider, his body tensed.
I took a step back, calculating my options.
I could winnow and he could not. Albeit, only a few feet at once, but enough to run and out distance between us and hopefully lose him in the darkness. He wouldn't stop me.
"Prick." I winnowed.
I landed heavy in the snow, pushing my feet furiously into a sprint.
Cassian was already in flight, just feet away now. The speed and effortlessness of which he flew was terrifying.
I felt him fast approaching as I ran faster, my heart pounding so hard I hoped it wouldn't stop all together.
I winnowed again.
I landed a few paces in front and to the right as he easily changed direction, navigating through the pine trees.
"Feyre, you cannot outrun me." He gained close as my breaths rasped, sweat already dripping from my forehead at the exertion, as I pumped my arms harder. I knew he was toying with me, giving me a chance to give up willingly.
I winnowed again up ahead and to the left, his eyes darting at my direction instantly. I kept sprinting. My lungs burned for air and my magic felt drained, I had never winnowed so much WHILE sprinting from an Illyrian Warrior.
I started to panic escaping him. My pride propelled me. I winnowed again, landing awkwardly as I tripped over my feet once, fatigue setting in on my burning leg muscles.
I forced all my strength as I winnowed again. He had calculated it too well even in the dark.
His muscular arms like iron bars pinned mine to my side as he carried me in a bear hug, my legs dangling in the cool night air.
"You are so dead." He said over the roaring wind, as he flew up into the night.
I squirmed in defeat as tears welled in my eyes, kicking my legs.
"Let me go! Now! " I kicked uselessly.
Cassian huffed, tightening his grip.
"Oh yes great idea. Try and get out of my grip while we are 10 feet in the air, GOD you are full of clever ideas tonight, Feyre!" He shouted in anger as I stopped kicking. I held back sobs as I felt my emotions bubbling over.
We landed close to the manor. Cassian released me.
I stumbled onto my feet, collecting my tears. I took a deep breath, glaring at him with rage as tears overflowed.
I sprinted past him.
Cassian rolled his eyes, snapping into action faster, grabbing me around both shoulders and lifting me so high against his chest that my feet dangled off high off the ground. He walked towards the manor with me squirming uselessly.
"Cassian!" I cried, kicking uselessly. My heart was pounding in fury.
He let me go, spinning me around to face him, holding my arms.
His expression was more serious than I had ever seen.
"Listen, Feyre. You are our family's beating heart." His words were soft and full of emotion.
My sobs softened.
"You cannot put yourself in danger, please. It kills us, it kills me." He stroked my arms.
I swallowed, looking down, trying to collect myself. Cassian's expression softened. He rubbed my arm, his hands still in place.
My heart slowed at his earnest tone.
His expression relaxed, becoming his usual self.
"You okay now? You're not going to make me run after you again?"
He said kindly, a hint of humour in his tone, his eyes sharp.
I sniffed, meeting his eyes.
"I'm sorry." I said earnestly. "I just want to be more. Just want to keep, keep you all safe." My voice broke.
Cassian sighed, hugging me tight in his arms. I let his scent calm me. He pulled back to look at me.
"Feyre, I get that you want to take care of us. But likewise," he gently touched my chin. "We won't tolerate a threat to you. Even if it means you make me run in the middle of the night."
I chuckled deeply.
He slung an arm around me as we walked back to the manor.
My thoughts were clearer and I did feel pride hurt but also grateful for Cassian's arrogant ass.
I slept a few hours, approaching downstairs and plonking my tired body heavily in the dining seat.
"Morning sunshine". Cassian smiled, biting into a crossaint.
Azriel smiled playfully, sipping his coffee, shadows swirling around his shoulders.
"Heard you went on a night jog hey, Feyre?" Azriel smirked arrogantly.
"Shut it, Shadowsinger."
He chuckled deeply, Cassian smirking.