A few weeks had passed since Shawn called her in the middle of the night. Stephanie had really hoped he'd meant what he said, that he wanted to make things right, but so far there had been no word from him again. At this point she almost regretted telling Hunter about it. But then he had reacted uncharacteristically impassive anyway. His only tight-lipped response had been that this was nice and all, but that he didn't expect Shawn to actually back it up. His expression had been hard and didn't leave room for further discussion so she had left it at that.
It had made her wonder if it was too late for them. The damage had been done and it seemed like Hunter had closed off his heart in all matters regarding Shawn. And yet she hadn't failed to notice his hazel eyes told a different story. Whenever Shawn's name popped up, there was still a lingering sadness in them that even Hunter's actions couldn't hide.
Not that it did make much of a difference one way or the other if Shawn didn't take that first step.
Stephanie sighed. The selfish part of her didn't want to let Hunter and what they had go. But if she was being honest with herself, she knew they were running on borrowed time, whether either of them wanted to admit it or not.
She got up and walked over to the large window that overlooked the river that passed by Hunter's house in Nashua. She loved how quiet it was here, such a stark contrast to her apartment in New York. It had been a good idea to come here for a change.
When she turned around, she spotted Hunter leaning in the doorway. "Hey beautiful!"
"Hey yourself!" Her lips curved up naturally when he came closer and wrapped his arms around her.
"What were you thinking about? You seemed a million miles away there."
She didn't want to lie to him, but didn't want to spoil the moment, either. "It's just so peaceful up here."
Hunter watched her skeptically but didn't press. "It is. Makes it easy to get lost in thought sometimes."
For a few minutes, they simply stood there together, looking outside and holding each other. Until the spell was broken by Stephanie's growling stomach.
Hunter just laughed. "Gee, McMahon, way to kill the mood."
She punched him playfully in the shoulder. "It's your appetite rubbing off on me, I swear."
"Excuses, excuses." He was still grinning at her. "But I agree. I wouldn't mind getting some food into my system, either."
"See?" She grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's see if we can whip something up. There's got to be more than protein shakes in your fridge, right?"
"Mom said she did some grocery shopping for me before we got here so there'd better be."
Stephanie shook her head. "You're such a momma's boy."
Hunter only smirked. "And damn proud of it, too." Just then his cell phone went off. "That's probably her."
He answered without checking who it was. By the way his face turned serious, she could tell it wasn't his mother.
"Hello Shawn." His voice sounded cold. "Yes, actually I'm kind of in the middle of something."
Stephanie searched his eyes and was met by uncertainty. It was obvious that Hunter wasn't sure whether to simply hang up or speak to Shawn.
"Don't you think it's a little late for that?" She guessed that Shawn was pleading with Hunter to hear him out. And whatever the outcome, they both needed that. She leaned over and whispered, "Talk to him. Please." Reassuringly, she touched his forearm. He looked at her and she tried to offer an encouraging smile before she let go and walked into the kitchen, giving them some privacy.
Closing the door behind her, she gave herself a little while to catch a breath, quite literally. Her heart ached, but at the same time not as bad as it probably should. She knew she was doing what was best. First and foremost, Hunter was her friend and he had been stuck in limbo for a year. Without a goodbye or an explanation. If nothing else, it was time for one or the other, Hunter deserved that much at least. However, that didn't stop her conflicting feelings.
Distraction was in order. There was nothing she could do regarding the possible direction of the conversation currently taking place, but she could keep herself busy by getting dinner started. It would be less awkward and easier to discuss everything with food sitting in front of them later.
She wasn't aware how much time had passed, but it was starting to smell delicious. Yes, maybe she was going a little overboard, but it wasn't like they couldn't eat leftovers tomorrow.
Stephanie had decided on some Chicken Piccata and went for a simple blend of butter, lemon juice, and white wine for the sauce. Easy enough, but it still kept her mind occupied. Plus, it came in handy that the bottle of Chardonnay was already open so she could treat herself to a glass. She had also fixed some salad and was just about to put the yoghurt she had fancied up with frozen blackberries back into the fridge when she heard a tentative knock.
Hunter walked in and she couldn't help but smile when she saw the appreciative look on his face. "Damn, Steph, this smells amazing!" He kissed her temple. "Now I feel bad you had to do all of this by yourself."
She just hushed him. "It's nothing. But you can fetch the plates and set the table while I finish up, okay?"
Stephanie was itching to ask Hunter how it went, but at the same time… not. Instead, they both saw to their assigned tasks in silence for now. When they sat down to eat, it was also a quiet affair at first, except for Hunter complimenting her cooking. It was evident that neither of them quite knew where to begin.
Stephanie chugged down some of her wine. "So… Shawn finally called, huh?"
She wanted to smack herself. Way to state the obvious.
Hunter wasn't any better, though. He pretended to focus on the last bites of his chicken, but more or less just moved them from side to side with his fork. "Yeah."
She couldn't take it anymore and reached out for his hand. "It's fine, Hunter. I'm here for you if you let me."
When he looked up, she was once again overwhelmed by the wave of emotions clear as day in his gaze. "I'm not even sure where to start… What to think…"
She intertwined her fingers with his. "How about this… Are you alright?"
He seemed to ponder the question a little too long, but still said, "I think so." He paused, "Or at least I will be."
When he didn't continue, she did. "I'm glad you guys finally got to talk. I just… I hope you got some answers. That Shawn finally told you what you needed to hear."
Hunter drew in a breath and exhaled slowly as if he still had to process that phone call and what he had learned himself. "He… apologized. Said he knew he fucked up big time. Not just these past few months or when he blew up at me that last time, but already way before then. He even admitted that he regrets that I couldn't be reason enough for him to quit the pills, sober up… Told me it wasn't my fault, that his mind was in such a bad place that there wasn't anything I could've done differently."
His words were rushed and Stephanie noticed the tears shining in his eyes. She had been aware of some of the issues the couple was having already before the breakup, but she had never fully realized that Hunter might have put part of the blame on himself.
"I've always wondered, you know? Why I and me loving him, being there for him couldn't be enough. If it was me who let him slip away and further down that destructive road."
Hunter's voice hitched towards the end and he had to take another calming breath. "If nothing else, speaking to him made me see that I couldn't have saved him. I couldn't have forced him to take the hand I'd always been offering. It was his choice and he had to dig himself out of that hole."
"I'm glad." Stephanie squeezed his hand gently. "Sometimes love just isn't enough. And he's right. I've seen you try to move heaven and earth for him and always end up being the one who took the fall." Softly she added, "Maybe it took him losing you to realize that."
He nodded. "Shawn said something like that, too. Yeah." He hesitated before he continued, more quietly than before, "He sounded sincere, Steph. I wanted to believe him when he said he was trying to put his life back together. That he was sorry… He…" Hunter wiped at his eyes, but a single tear still found its way down his cheek anyway. "He told me he misses me. And that he still loves me."
Stephanie rubbed his arm, trying to comfort him with this small gesture at least. "I think he really does, Hunter."
When their eyes met, she could tell how torn he was.
Hunter sighed, "What am I gonna do?"
She gave him a sad smile. "I think you already know."
"Do I?" His expression was still uncertain, but she knew deep down he did.
"Go see him, Hunter." Now it was her who fought hard to keep her voice from cracking. "Go see him and find out if you can mend those fences. I know you still love him, too."
"And what about us?" She would miss the way he looked at her, open and tenderly, even in this instant with the circumstances being as they were. "Please, never doubt that I care about you…"
Stephanie got up and framed his face with her hands. "I don't." Softly she kissed him. It already felt like goodbye. "But we both know we were never meant to be forever. And that's okay."
He also stood up and pulled her close. She let herself get lost in his safe embrace once more and rested her head against his chest while he held her tight.
She had to have faith that letting him go truly was the right thing. For both of them.