Emma's hands shook compulsively, the keys she held in her sweaty palm rattled, making it impossible to get them into the ignition, they slipped from her grasp falling to the floor of the bug. Henry turned to her with a longing and guilty expression but remained silent. The ten-year-old clutching the storybook to his chest, in the passenger seat of the bug.
"My names Henry, I'm your son" was playing over and over in Emma's head, consuming her every thought, the expectant, earnest look in his eyes as he dropped this bombshell. Every time she tried to pull away, Emma just found herself sinking deeper with every second that passed. Closing her eyes she breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm her racing heart.
"What's wrong?" Henry looked at her his voice filled with concern and a slither of guilt.
Emma let out a deep breath shutting the driver side door of the bug "I'm fine, sorry" she stuttered out.
After fumbling for the keys, Emma was finally able to grasp them, her surprised expression remained while placing the key in the ignition forcefully. The engine groaned to life and Emma drove the yellow bug out of the underground carpark into the city streets.
Emma's lips were pursed, her heart raced, her mind alive with conflicting thoughts all demanding her attention. Her whole body felt a buzz, unable to get past this state of panic. Blood pumping as the moment overwhelmed her, while Henry couldn't stop smiling, relieved his plan had worked.
The bug off the city streets on the bridge, Henry's eyes were wide with wonder, somewhat overwhelmed while observing the world around him, as if he'd never laid eyes on a city skyline himself.
"Have you visited Boston before?" Emma immediately regretted the words as she said them aloud, sighing her head tilted back against the car seat.
"I've never left, Storybrooke"
Emma frowned the more she knew, the more she wanted to know, a million questions bouncing around her head. But she couldn't open herself up to them, instead choosing to remain silent, as Henry continued to talk, she'd respond with a nod and occasional smile. Trying not to engage, a sense of guilt and shame became present, causing a frustration to rise in her. Only able to glance in his direction just as he looked away, she just couldn't face the child, she gave away.
-
Emma's fear was increasing, while Henrys unwavering belief, not just in fairytales, but in her was revealed; confident when he declared, she would fix his problems. But Emma had never fixed anything, she hadn't even bothered to fix the air conditioner in this car. Right now, she needed it, sweating in her seat, dreading the moment the truth would reveal itself to him. He would look at her with crushing disappointment, once he knew fairytales didn't live beyond the pages of a book.
The roads were clear not a another car or person in sight or more to the point, no distractions, the city lights vanishing behind the trees. As the reunited mother and son continued further into the unknown, Henry couldn't help but fill the silence with questions and comments. While Emma was pulling out every card she had, trying not to engage. It wasn't going to be easy, according to the GPS they had an hour of driving to go.
Eventually the kid ran out of one-sided conversation topics, and sighed beginning to fiddle with the glove box. Opening the overfilled compartment, some of the contents spilled out onto the floor of the bug.
"Oh, sorry" Henry gushed embarrassed, although he didn't dare look, he felt Emma's frustrated frown.
"Just leave it, its fine" She sighed her hand reaching over grazing his, she felt a zap recoiling away.
Henry hadn't noticed, his eyes on the floor eyeing a small plastic rectangle "Wait, what's this?" his voice intrigued.
Emma's eyes glanced over, and her mouth gaped open in shock "It's a tape, plays music" she explained trying to sound composed, but her voice broke.
Henry reached down picking it up with an excited smile "Can we play it" frowning confused as he read the name Yazoo.
"No that's," Emma paused inhaling sharply, just like one did when you stubbed your toe "it's not mine, just please..."
Emma's voice trailed off pained, snatching the tape from Henry's hands her face went pale, swallowing hard she glared at it. The tape had been thrown in the glove box years ago, forgotten overtime. Emma tossed it over her shoulder, but she could still hear the echoes of their song, as the tape clattered onto the backseat.
"Just listen to the radio" Emma instructed while gripping the steering wheel tensely, her eyes on the road ahead.
Henry looked down his eyebrows raised "Ok" he said with a smile, finding her overreaction to be somewhat humorous, while he watched her closely in awe.
Emma reached out her hand selecting some easy listening pop radio, but Henry couldn't remain still for more than a second, squirming in his seat as he flipped through the large Storybook. In fact, Henry almost clung to it, like it was a comforting blanket or teddy. Looking at the world around him with awe, as if seeing it for the first time. Emma started to wonder, why he'd come looking for her. Why the person she had entrusted his care to, wasn't able to meet his needs. Looking into Henrys eyes now, they were far too familiar. The eyes of someone lost, going through the world alone, lying in bed at night knowing it was unfair, with no power to change it.
"Are you ok kid" Emma paused giving him a sympathetic look "you're not in some kind of trouble, are you?"
"Nothing you can't fix" Henry answered quickly, his eyes became distant for a moment lost in thought, wondering what punishment awaited him, when they reached Storybrooke.
"I know there's more going on" Emma stated with a reassuring tone, like a promise, that she would not leave him, until he was safe.
Emma turned to him expectantly wanting a response, desperate for an explanation, eventually her expression softened as she saw the fear in his eyes.
"I…. I need to pee" Henry muttered nervous.
"Oh really" Emma couldn't help but smile "you're not just trying to prolong this drive"
Henry shook his head, an earnest smile on his face, it wasn't very convincing, but Emma had no choice, she wasn't going to deny the kid a bathroom.
Emma couldn't shake a feeling of dread as soon as Henry disappeared from her sight, convincing herself this whole time that she was fine. That meeting Henry wouldn't have any long-lasting effects, she could just take him home, forget this ever happened. Agonisingly waiting for him as he went into the gas station bathroom alone, she came to the sudden realisation, that was not possible. As soon as he was out of sight, when the car was empty and silent, she felt an irrational and all-consuming grief.
Her mind overcome with thoughts, all demanding her attention, causing a sort of paralysis, she remained still, in the driver's seat watching the door. He was ten... are ten-year-olds allowed to go to the public bathroom alone? did he need help? should she being doing any of this? Why hadn't she just called his bluff and contacted authorities and why, why was this taking so dam long? The voice in her head became a scream. Emma sighed slamming her palms on the steering wheel, she couldn't take waiting any longer, exiting the car she marched towards the toilet door.
"Hey kid…." She called out attempting to be calm, but her voice couldn't hide her anxiety.
There was no answer, not even the sound of footsteps or running water, just silence, her heart pounding, she tapped her knuckles against the door. Another pain staking minute went by, her mind spiralling, where was he? Did he run? Had she just made things worse by taking him this far? Emma had never felt this type of gut-wrenching fear for another before. She moved her head around frantically, but there was no one else around, no sign of Henry.
Bursting through the door into the service station, the bright fluorescent lights caused her to squint, as the smell of day-old hot dogs overcame her senses.
"Your son is just over by the arcade machine" A bored sounding teenager from the register explained, not even looking up from their phone.
"He's not..." Emma began to explain but stopped herself, because he was, he was her son.
It was then she noticed there was another exit from the toilet that led straight in here and rolled her eyes.
Pausing before she took a step, letting out a deep breath, this moment had never crossed Emma's mind, it was too painful; she put in a box and locked it away just like the tape. Now as she turned the corner and relief washed over her seeing him safe, she realised that knowing Henry was not painful at all, in fact she couldn't imagine herself before now, before him.
"Come here, this is so cool" Henry instructed smiling, his eyes on the large screen in front of him with two animated muscle men brawling, on the side of the machine in bright colours in stated street fighter.
Emma hesitated before saying anything, never wondering, what she would say, but somehow it didn't matter anyway. The kid, so wholeheartedly believed Emma could fix his problems, he didn't seem at all upset with her for giving him up. If Emma where suddenly faced with the people that abandoned her, she imagined her reaction to be a lot more evasive.
"Kid, what are you doing?" Emma's tone attempted to be disapproving.
He looked back at her his eyes pleading, barely tall enough to reach the control panel of the old arcade machine, her heart melted.
"Come on... please" His voice pleaded eyes wide, just as it was when he asked her to take him to Storybrooke "just one game"
Emma crossed her arms giving him a look of complete disbelief that he was pulling this stunt, trying to spend more time with her, trying to avoid his home. Henry simply starred back, and he didn't have to say another word, she couldn't stand to disappoint that face.
"Ok" Emma stepped closer placing her hands on the player two button "Just one"
Henry smirked as she placed the coin in the machine, and it started up, they played two rounds in the end and Emma could feel anxieties fade slightly. This didn't feel real, almost outside of time, like they were in there own little happy bubble. But time wasn't still, it keep ticking, eventually they made their way back to the car and down the highway, now only twenty minutes away from Storybrooke.
The rain started to fall as the yellow bug past the welcome to Storybrooke sign at the town border, Emma began to squirm in her seat. Picturing the candle and the wish. For a moment she was considering it, that she wished for this. Turning her head, she looked at Henry, Emma smiled for a second, just a second, because underneath the layers upon layers of emotional walls. Some small part of her was just happy, to not be alone on her birthday.