Pray for me because I'm definitely on a list after the things I had to look up in order to make this chapter work… (╥﹏╥)

Chapter 5
Major Dress Up

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"So that's all you were able to gather so far, Degurechaff?" asked the aging Major General Rudersdorf. He had a tall notepad on his lap that he used to write down everything she had said.

"I'm afraid so Major General. I was only awake for a short time until you showed up with supplies. Siiiiiip, also thank you for the apple juice," thanked the preteen major as she took another sip from her apple juice.

Currently, it was just the two of them as Tanya briefed her superior about the short interaction with the lost alien blob. They were seated just outside of it's room in the empty hallway of the empty top floor of the hospital.

The former salary man took a final swig of the kid's juice box as she once again analyzed the strange set of items Rudersdorf brought for her. "When I was expecting supplies, I was expecting more than a dress up kit for Little Red Riding Hood," I grumbled silently. On the floor beside the general was a small wicker basket with a handle that held several containers of sandwiches, apples, and juice boxes. There were also two sack like backpacks behind him, one of them being bigger than the other.

It was an odd way to resupply someone standing guard against something so dangerous, but that wasn't what made the cogs in her head work overtime. "Sir, just out of curiosity, why did you bring me civilian clothes? Are we moving locations again?" I asked politely as I discarded my empty beverage into a trash can.

"No no, I won't be transporting you or this, 'Kirby' anywhere. Not anymore that is," sighed the general, leaning back in the uncomfortable hospital chair to pull out a thick cigar.

I clenched my fists out of his view. "What caused the change in plans if I may ask?"

"Well, last night along with earlier this morning, we caught two spies from the Francois Republic," he pulled out a lighter and sparked a flame. "One was disguised as a civilian that was scooping out the outside of the barracks where we transported your men to and the other one had even made it as far in as taking out a cook in order to get those men of yours to talk," he put the cigar to his lips and gave a huff that began to fill the hall with the stench of smoke. "We were fortunate that your men were astute enough to report them to us, but there could still be more out there for all we know."

"So that's why we're changing plans. If they knew to target the barracks, it's incredibly likely that they also know you're in the hospital." The general leaned back down to look me in the face, his eyes looking a bit apologetic as he frowned. "Especially since my colleague was… being reckless in the act of getting you here. I apologize on his behalf for that behavior."

"There is no need to apologize," I stated firmly, "I know he was simply doing it for the benefit of the fatherland."

"Well even so that's why I brought these civilian clothes for you to wear along with this backpack that fits the dimensions you described yesterday of the 'Kirby'," he explained, lifting the large backpack that was basically a sack forward in front of his feet.

"I'll be carrying it out in a backpack?" I asked with squinted eyes, not buying it as I waited for the real plan.

"Yes, it is the best strategy that HQ could think of in such a short amount of time. You are to do you're best to look inconspicuous as you leave the hospital," he handed me a small envenlope. "In there will be your cover story along with the right time to leave the building. If I remember correctly your story would go along the lines of you leaving school early to visit your sick grandmother in order to give her treats," he drawled slowly as he twirled his mustache.

"Goddamn it, it is Little Red Riding Hood!" I internally howled. But I couldn't let that show to my superior officer so I simply nodded to that and asked something else that was nagging on my mind. "And where exactly will I be walking to? If the hospital is unsafe, where else in the city would be suitable to hide 'Kirby'?"

Rudersdorf blinked a bit before he exclaimed with a short gasp. "Apologies once again Degurechaff, that is an excellent question that I'm glad you brought up," he said whilst he rubbed his eyes wearily. "Yes, we have an idea of where you and the 'Kirby' would best be suited to go. Unfortunately, it was one of the less discussed options we made since we saw this outcome of events unlikely, but it should work out fine nonetheless," he yawned before he took another huff of his cigar to wake himself up more.

"Well, what is it?" I asked, trying my best to hide my growing impatience.

"Well…," the General scratched his head awkwardly. "Do you know if any of your men own an apartment in Berun?"

I opened my mouth, but the words stalled for a moment at the oddball of a question. "I-i uhm, yes I know of a handful," I stuttered in confusion.

I went from confused to worried in a second however as the General gave a thankful sigh of all things. "Phew, that is excellent to hear Degurechaff. That means the plan will still work."

"What plan exactly?"

"Hrmm," the man hummed as he leaned back in the chair again. "How comfortable would you feel if stayed at their place until your next deployment?"

"..."

"I, excuse me… could you repeat that please?" mumbled the wide eyed major.

The General only seemed to laugh at her befuddlement, slapping his knee as he kept up his ragged laughter. "Ah ha ha ha! To repeat what I said Degurechaff, snicker, How comfortable would you feel if stayed at their place until your next deployment?" repeated Rudersdorf as he started catching his breath.

I didn't say anything for a long while, the only movement I made other than my already slack jaw was my right eye twitching a little. "Oh wow, oh wow, wow, wow," I mentally fumed. "So is this what Being X has for me next huh, fucking Roleplay!?" I moved my head up to the ceiling a little to look up at that bastard. "I see you now… gave up breaking my will through a life or death war huh Being X? Switching over to breaking my dignity huh Being X!? Fine then, I'll pray then, I'll pray to whatever god is above you that making me play dress up will be-!"

"Degurechaff?"

"Fine," I smiled maybe a bit too hard, "I'm fine, definitely fine," I muttered through my smile as I stood up and grabbed the clothes out of the basket. "Is it okay that I take a shower before I decide on who I choose, General?"

Rudersdorf thought for a moment and nodded to her request. "As long as you report back in a hurry it should be fine. I have to make sure I notify who you've chosen before I leave," explained Rudersdorf as I walked down the hall to another empty shower.

"Understood sir," I said hitting a forced salute to fit my still forced smile. "Thank you sooooo much for taking time out of your busy schedule to grace me with this chance to save the Fatherland," I forced out in a sing song voice.

Thirty Minutes Later
14:30

"Ah yes, excellent job making the disguise work," praised the elder General as he applauded at Degurechaff's new disguise.

Trying her best to hide her absolute rage, Tanya was wearing something that was a stylistic mix of German and Japanese school uniforms. She was wearing a white long sleeved shirt that was covered by a navy blue jacket with green and red trims that was held together by a small green bowtie. Her long blonde hair was released from its usual ponytail as it flowed down a bit past her shoulders. Her usual combat boots were also replaced by freshly shined black loafers with black knee high socks. Yet all of these were only brief annoyances to what truly pissed her off the most…

"Sir, just a question, who were the main drivers for this flavorful being chosen?" I asked trying my best to keep a straight face.

"Well I, uhm, don't exactly recall very clearly," stumbled the man with a slight nervous sweat that gave it away.

"Really, well that's just dandy Major General," I gritted as I dropped my trusty uniform beside his chair. "Make sure these get washed and returned to me," I slipped out in an annoyed mutter.

"Of course Major. Does that mean you've decided where you want these to be returned to?" he asked with a raised brow.

I purposefully sighed in order to give the illusion that the decision was tough. "Sigh, yes I did. It was certainly tough to decide between them all but I believe Viktoriya Ivanovna Serebryakov would be the best person for me to transfer to," I explained with crossed arms.

"I see, I see. That's a wise choice Major, I'll make sure to contact the barracks so she can be informed of your imminent arrival," he said writing down those details.

Once that was done with, the Major General stood up and saluted her. "Well then Degurechaff, I do say you are clearly the best for the task at hand. This may be the last time I see you for quite some time so just know I wish you the best on your new assignment. We will be waiting for your reports as we decide the best course of action," he said as he began to walk towards the elevator, with her old uniform sequestered away in the General's own bag.

"I will be sure to keep you and HQ as up to date as I can manage," I saluted to him as the elevator doors closed on him.

Once he was gone however, I couldn't help but deflate at what a humiliating mission I was set out to accomplish. "I can't wait to write a report on that man if he tries something like this on me again. Well, maybe once the war is over preferably" I corrected as I walked towards the door, with my large backpack in hand.

"Hello Kirby, apologies for being so late," I apologized in Japanese, "But I have everything we need to move you to a more comfortable place so we can- Hey stop! Get away from the window!" I shouted as I dropped the bag to sprint over to the window.

"Oh, hi Tanya! This city is ah mazing!" waved the pink blob, marveling at the capital city as he stuck half his body out the window. "There's so many buildings and humus down there! Ists so cool!"

"Kirby, please don't stick yourself out the window like that! We're too high up!" I pleaded, too hesitant to pull the creature back inside as it lay on the windowsill.

"Ists okay! I've beena lotta hire before," said Kirby in his thick accent as he continued to look around. "Don'ta warey, Imma nought that clumsay," explained Kirby with a cheerful smile. He kicked his feet around in the air whimsically as he forgot the potted plant next to him, accidentally pushing it off the windowsill as it started to fall to the sidewalk below. Kirby looked back to Tanya sheepishly, "Sorrwe abouta that,"

"Ugh, just get in here," I said irritably, pulling Kirby inside by the feet as he kept apologizing. "Look I'll explain what's going to happen next. I need you to go inside this bag so you and I can go to a safer place to stay at, okay," I explained efficiently if a bit annoyed as I dropped the pink ball onto the bed.

Funnily enough, like a cat, Kirby righted himself almost effortlessly mid-air. Effortlessly enough to where he was still able to be in deep concentration. "Hmmmm, don'ta worry abouta that Tanya! I have ah disguise I can put on," smiled the alien.

"Really?" I said surprised, "Maybe his species has the ability to mimic human proportions. It does look awfully malleable," I thought nodding my head to that hypothesis. "Okay sure. If the disguise is good enough you don't have to go into the bag."

"Alright, let me see what I have," said Kirby as he opened his mouth up wide.

"What you, oh…" I whispered out, my train of thought exploding as Kirby stuck his hand in his mouth like he was looking for something "There's no way that he has something inside his-"

"~Ah! Found it," said Kirby with his hand still in his mouth as he pulled out his disguise. He smiled at it proudly before he put it on despite his lack of ears. "What do you think?"

I just stared at him dumbfounded, wondering if he was secretly messing with me. "I don't think that's going to fool anyone, plus…" I said just eyeing what he pulled out in disbelief. It was one of those things I had seen only in movies and TV shows that were meant to be played for laughs, it was an obvious pair of glasses that had a large nose with fuzzy nose hair and eyebrows.

So despite Kirby not having a nose or facial hair, it was still an incredibly awful disguise plus… "You look like a jew."

Kirby grew a confused expression as he raised his hand like a little kid. "Yes Kirby?"

"What's ah, Jew?"

I only sighed and shook my head. "Just get in the bag Kirby. I am not explaining all the problems your disguise has," I said pointing to the open bag on the floor.

"F-fine," sniffed the pink blob as waddled over to the open sack. Once he was there, the pink ball jumped right into the bag as it fit perfectly around him. I walked up to the bagged Kirby, musing silently to myself that he looked like a giant pink egg. I then buckled the bag shut behind him.

"Are you comfortable in there? I asked as I put on the surprisingly light backpack, being able to walk around without any issue despite Kirby being half my size.

"It's ah whittle cramped, but it's not ah too bad for me," said Kirby as his eyes looked out of bag through the holes in the seal.

"That's great to hear," I said as I walked out of the room. I bent over to the abandoned chairs to pick up my little wicker basket full of snacks and juice.

"Hey Tanya, is there food in there?" asked Kirby as he somehow smelled the food.

"There is, but I can't give you any right now. I can if you're still for the whole trip," I said with a small grin as I bribed the alien.

"Deal!" cheered Kirby.

We then walked over to the elevator where I pressed the button to go to the lobby. "Hmmm, I wonder if Visha will mind that I roped her into this mess," I wondered idly as we began our dissension.

Meanwhile, on the street level, people were screaming and looking up into the air at who could've thrown a pot off a twenty story building. More specifically, a well built man in his late forties was wondering suspiciously at what he saw high up on the twentieth floor. He was currently sitting on a bench that was across the street from the hospital with today's latest edition of the 'Imperial Times' in his grasp.

Unbeknownst to everyone there, he had been sitting there since this morning, observing everyone who was going in and out of the hospital. That was because he, the distinguished veteran who earned the 'Croix de Guerre (War Cross)' Klevar Amontillado, was a spy for the Francois Republic.

He was one of three who had been sent out to certain locations across the city to monitor the strange behavior the Imperial high command had been demonstrating since yesterday. Their behavior could best be described as erratic and slapdashed over seemingly nothing. Yet there had to be something, something they wanted to keep hidden.

"I will avenge you, my comrades," grieved Klevar with a single tear as he crumbled the newspaper in his hands, the article that read that two Republican spies were caught and executed earlier that day. "And I believe wholeheartedly that whatever lies inside that building, holds the key to ending this nation of Dachshunds," he stewed, glowering at the hospital entrance to hopefully achieve his righteous justice.

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Cutesy Little Dialogue

Kirby: Heya Tanya, I need ah wittle help making an account for this game. It's really tough…

*Tanya stops whatever she's doing at the table*

Tanya: Alright then bring it here. Let me see if I can help.

*Kirby waddles over to the table and sits next to her with the laptop*

Tanya: So what are you having trouble filling out?

Kirby: Well, over here on password, I don't have enough room to fit it.

Tanya: Why what kind of password are you trying to put in?

Kirby: Well it said put in 13 characters so I tried to do that but it still wouldn't work.

Tanya: Hmm, yeah that is strange let me try typing it and you say what your password is.

Kirby: Got it! Ready?

Tanya: Ready.

Kirby: Okay! Let's see so we have Batman, Joker, Mario, Luigi…

*Tanya then falls off the chair due to the Kurb's absolute pureness*

Editing Number: 10/28/2024-10/28/2024