Chapter 14

Angela squeezed Tony's hand as she shifted her weight in the chair she was sitting in beside his hospital bed. Why do these chairs have to be so uncomfortable? she thought ruefully. At least there was a relatively comfortable glider in the corner of the room for when she could bear to tear herself away from Tony's bedside.

The last few days had been the slowest yet fastest of her life. That first night, she and Sam stayed with Tony for a couple of hours before being kicked out by the staff until visiting hours started later that day. Angela immediately checked them into a hotel down the street from the hospital before calling her mother to explain what had happened. Mona and Jonathan met Angela and Sam at the hospital the minute visiting hours started, bringing the suitcase that Mona had hurriedly packed for her daughter and Sam.

Following close behind her mother and son was Mrs. Rossini, who had been the next call that Angela had made. She figured that once Mrs. Rossini knew, that was as good as yelling it through a bullhorn to all of Brooklyn. And she'd been right, as the past two days had been filled with a steady stream of what seemed like the entire "old neighborhood" stopping by to see Tony and to try to pay their respects to Frankie somehow. Most everyone still thought the baby was Tony's, but now that she'd let Mrs. Rossini know the truth, Angela hoped the word would get out, albeit discreetly. She still needed to tell Sam, her mother, and Jonathan, but there hadn't been an appropriate time yet to have that conversation.

Angela sent Sam home with her mother and Jonathan after their latest visit because she knew it was important for her to regain some sense of normalcy by returning to her usual routine. She'd already missed several days of school. Angela had sworn on her own life that if Tony's condition changed, Sam would be the first to know and could return to the hospital immediately. She'd made the same promise to Jonathan after he cried to her about being afraid of losing another dad.

Finally, as the end of visiting hours approached, she was alone with Tony. She looked up at his face, which, despite everything, looked peaceful, as if he were just sleeping. His condition remained unchanged, so it was still a waiting game for now.

"Oh, Tony," Angela said softly. "Where do I even start? The doctors keep insisting that somewhere, somehow, you can hear us, so we need to keep talking to you, but I honestly don't know what to say. Or, maybe it's just the opposite; I have too much to say. Maybe it's time to say everything I've wanted to over the past few years but haven't because of that line we've been too afraid to cross."

Taking a deep breath, Angela realized that she couldn't let things remain unsaid between them anymore—not now and not if, no, make that when he woke up. With her voice shaking and still holding tightly to his left hand, she decided to start at the beginning…

"Tony, from the minute I opened the front door to your handsome, smiling, and eager face, nothing has been the same. You have brought joy back not only to my kitchen but to my life—you and Sam both have. You've also become the father my son desperately needed, the perfect confidant to Mother, and the buffer she and I needed. I knew there was something special about you even that first night. You already had so much faith in my abilities. More faith than anyone, except my father, has ever shown me."

"When you walked in on me getting out of the bath so soon after that first night, as embarrassed as I was, I could tell you liked what you saw. And that was exciting because I would have never thought someone like you could ever be interested in a boring WASP like me!"

"When we had that late night, or more like early morning talk, in the driveway after you realized you would have to give back the car, that's the first time I realized that two people can be from different worlds but still share the same values."

"And not only that, when we shared that dinner at the house after my date couldn't make it, and you cajoled me into playing basketball in my dress and heels, I realized that maybe we could share even more than our values."

"But nothing comes close to when I came to help you pack up your father's apartment. You were so vulnerable that all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around you. That's when I first started to fall in love. I loved celebrating our first Christmas together as a family, and even though it didn't happen this past year, I always looked forward to when you took me in your arms to do our yearly dancing of The Lindy."

"You are such a wonderful dad to Jonathan, and I hope I've been able to fill the mother-figure role adequately for Samantha. It meant so much to me when you finally let your guard down and began to trust me when it came to helping Sam become a young woman."

"Even when we've fought, whether it was over my Diablo red Jaguar, which I secretly loved back then but didn't want to give you the satisfaction, or when you threw Jim Peterson out, I've always known that you have my best interests at heart."

"When Michael came back, even though it took me longer than it should have, his return only served to emphasize how much of a family we'd already become. I missed you so much after you were gone and realized my heart could never again belong to Michael because it was already becoming yours."

"And that morning we woke up in Sam's bed together? It just felt so right and natural, like a glimpse into our future. Of course, that was just a little before we shared our first, make that our second, kiss. Even though a few parts of that night are still a bit hazy, I do remember how wonderful of a kiss it was and that it was you who kissed me! And I'm going to tease you about that forever once you wake up. Not only that, but someday, we're going to recreate that kiss because even though we agreed that we didn't want to 'lose each other as friends,' I think we've realized recently that won't happen when we do take that next step."

"How do I even begin to describe what it was like to find out that we were each other's actual first kiss? Despite what I said, that's when I began to believe in fate. How else to explain you knocking on my front door 20 years later? That night in the horrible motel room was one of the best nights of my life, even though we didn't give in to what we both really wanted. By that point, I think we both knew it was inevitable once the kids were a little older and didn't need us quite so much.

"And having you beside me in California when Michael had the fleeting thought that he actually wanted to be a dad? It meant everything. I don't think I could have gotten through that without you. You were, are, and always will be Jonathan's true father."

"And the Valentine's Day that Jonathan secretly set us up? Even though I tried to hide it, I was thrilled when I turned around and saw that you were my 'blind' date. We had such a good time that night. It really opened my eyes to how much we had in common and how comfortable we were with each other. And, I'll admit it now, even though I was thinking it then, that I hope we do act on Jonathan's suggestion someday."

"That feeling was only reinforced by seeing Eddie and Emily together and playing poker with your friends. It made me see I could fit into your world, and you had already fit into mine."

"And I'll also admit now, even though I denied it when you asked me back then, that yes, I meant everything I said in my speech about you for PTA president. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

"That night we celebrated our second 'anniversary' is also one of my favorite nights, even though I thought I poisoned you! I still wonder what would have happened if we had made it over to the fireplace. I'm not sure we were ready, which is why I think fate intervened again, but it would have been amazing. Almost as amazing as you asking me to take care of Sam and then telling me you love me. I wish we had talked about it instead of dancing around like we do with so many things. But, no more. When you wake up, everything will be different."

"And things did start to change after you dragged me kicking and screaming to Mexico. You got me to relax and take a pause, which I desperately needed. Again, you always know what's best for me. Just like you did when you convinced me to start The Bower Agency. You always believed in me, and I never understood how much I needed that until you came along. I desperately still need that now."

"Our walk down the aisle at Isabelle and Paul's wedding was another glimpse into our future. Even with our talk after what that horrid Fred and Ginger said, I still felt it. When you pushed me away, and toward Geoffrey, I knew what you were doing. You weren't ready."

"Where to even start with Geoffrey? It was never real. I was running away because of how strong my feelings already were. That night at The Fairfield Inn only reinforced how much I wished I was there with you, not him. And, that Christmas, when I realized what you'd done with your baseball card, that's when I knew you had fallen for me as hard as I had fallen for you. I was never going to marry Geoffrey, especially not after that sign from the universe of you knowing that pink roses were my favorite. And I don't know why he stuck around after I threw you that surprise appreciation party. I wanted to remind you how much I needed you, not him, in my life."

"I needed you more than ever after Geoffrey and I broke up when I went into a bit of a very early midlife crisis. And you were right there supporting me even when I was being foolish, dressing and acting half my age, and then by doing all those crazy, well, at least to me, things I'd never done in high school. I never told you this, but after we danced in the living room, I had the most wonderful dream of dancing together in a beautiful ballroom with white curtains billowing around us. You looked dashing in a black tux, and I was wearing the most beautiful midnight blue ballgown as we danced cheek-to-cheek. And then, and I'm so happy that this wasn't a dream, there was the kiss we shared in your van at our version of 'Inspiration Point.' It was magical, and I knew I wanted so many more of those kisses to be in our future. I thought we were headed there, especially after you realized you didn't like living alone at Mother's and that you were no longer a 'wild man.'

"Then came the street fair in Brooklyn, which turned everything on its head. I was so confused. I had to schedule an emergency session with my therapist because I was so worried I was going to lose you to Frankie. That was the first time I said out loud that I was in love with you. It was scary but freeing at the same time because I knew I had to let you go to see if you would come back. And you did. That 'private talk' we had, thanks to Mr. Shakespeare, reassured me so much."

By now, Angela had been talking for over an hour, and even though there was no response from Tony, she felt like she could breathe for the first time in days. It was exhilarating to say all of this out loud. She just hoped that they would actually have the opportunity to talk about it all together.

Wiping away the tears that had formed at the corners of her eyes, she knew she had to keep going even though it was painful.

"Then everything changed. I know we both tried to keep things between us from becoming strained, but the current was too strong. As I said before, you're a decent and honorable man, and you were trying to do what was right. There had to be some collateral damage. I realize that now."

"What I've also realized is that I need you in my life; however that looks in the future. I love you, Tony. I need you to hear that and come back to me—to us. Mother needs you; Jonathan needs you, and your daughter desperately needs you. If we are only ever best friends, I can live with that. What I can't do is live without you."

Just then, she felt Tony's hand move slightly in hers. She glanced up to see Tony's brown eyes inquisitively looking at her.

"Do I know you?"