AN: I have made a decision. I've decided that for the next few chapters I'm going to write, I'm going to focus on IAK because partly I'm really getting into it and partly because if I proceed with Golden Hour, things that happened in IAK might be revealed in that story, so I don't want you guys to get confused. Anyway, enjoy the chapter! :)

Chapter 12 - Unbearable Thoughts

I sat there in the comfortable plane seat with my head leant back, my mind submerged and buried deep within the world of beautiful sounds. What were those beautiful sounds, you might ask? Well, I was listening to music. Why? Because there was a little bit of noise going round and round the plane. To Larry and Iggy, who were both sitting next to me, it may have been a little bit of noise, but to me, it seemed to act out as a sort of power that was sucking anxiety and stress into my heart and crushing my brain, so I had decided there and then that I would take myself away into a completely different place and lose myself in much more pleasant and softer sounds to listen to. Music.

Before I got on the plane…woah. A lot of things happened that were both expected and unexpected at the same time. For example, I went to the bathroom about twenty minutes before take off, Iggy and Larry told me they would wait outside and when I came out, they were gone. I had no idea where they could be, so I texted them to ask them where they were, but the service was terrible. At that point, I had started to panic because I had only twenty minutes to find them and the airport was huge. Eventually, I ended up just staying in the same place because I didn't want to leave my original spot only for them to come along to that spot and find me gone.

After about five minutes however, a lady came on the intercom and asked me if I could come to the main seating area and it scared the living daylights out of me. I was not in a good mood after that because the lady didn't even pronounce my name correctly and everybody was looking my way when I was walking to the main seating area. I was embarrassed but glad after that because I noticed that Iggy and Larry were there waiting for me, but still, I was not in a good mood. However, now I was in a good mood because I was listening to music that took my mind off of all my troubles.

At that moment, a sad, melancholy melody filled my ears, causing my heart to soar as I swayed in time to the introduction. However, my emotions immediately changed when verse one commenced. Right from the first lyric, it was like the singer had taken me by the hand and led me through all of the happiest and joyous highlights of his life. When the chorus came on, it must've felt like a volcanic explosion for the singer (which was ironic since the instruments included in it were nothing short of depressing) because he was singing about how happy his life was, what with him having a huge, luxurious house, a beautiful girlfriend, kind and doting parents…and he generally looked as if he had the perfect life.

It was as if he had everything he'd ever wanted as a child. The moment the song ended, I took out my earphones, wrapped them around my iPod, shoved it all in my bag and sat, staring ahead into space and thinking hard. Four years. It had been four years since my mother's death and it had been a year since I started High School, but because of my hyperacusis, I thought that having no company was like the best thing in the entire world because that meant that I was alone and it was quiet, however, just by listening to that single song, it felt like a bud had just opened in my brain and that bud opened up, revealing a flower that told me something very important.

It told me that not all objects and people were out to get me, it told me that in terms of my hearing condition, the world was not a dangerous place and most of all, it told me that in order to be happy, I didn't have to be alone all the time, I could still be around people, but perhaps only a few at a time. I sighed. Wow. I couldn't believe that it had taken me over a year to realise this and at that moment, I felt like a wave of stupidity and self contempt had crashed over my heart. I had only just realised how much of a sad, lonely, selfish person I had acted as, taking myself away from my friends whenever I wanted quiet.

I was so demanding when it came to the things I wanted to do and it felt like I was being given the things I wanted and I didn't do anything at all in return. Perhaps I was so grateful when things had quietened down that I didn't even think to say thank you to the people who had made everything alright again. I really had to remember to do that for future reference. After all, it was what my mum used to say: "Just a simple thank you can go a long way." and sadly, it seemed like I had completely disregarded her advice. I was surprised I didn't picture her turning in her grave.

At that moment, a million unpleasant thoughts began swimming through my mind and they just wouldn't leave off. Those thoughts made me feel not just sad and angry, but also useless and as much as I hated to say it, they made me feel that…going on TV wasn't going to make me happy. I put a hand to my forehead, trying to fight the thoughts away, but they kept on returning, letting out evil laughs and causing painful fireworks to explode in my brain. They told me, "Doing this is not worth it! It's not going to make you feel like you've achieved something! We know you want to be quite well known, but nobody will want to know you after this! Just quit right now, you're never going to succeed, and it won't help you get the things you want in life!"

"Ugh, stop!" I said aloud, feeling a lump form in my throat. "Go away!" I felt stupid to be talking to my own thoughts, but it was the best I could do.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Larry turn his head towards me and sport a look of concern. "Lud, are you alright? What's going on?"

I put my head in my hands so that my face was hidden. "I'm starting to regret this all…" I mumbled.

"What?!" Larry exclaimed. "You-You can't quit now! You've already answered the phone call and said yes, and besides, we're thousands of feet in the air and thousands of miles away from home. It's just not possible."

Larry's words were like a stab right in the chest and I kept on swallowing the huge lump in my throat, but I couldn't. I felt tears prickle in my eyes, but I wiped them away quickly so that Larry wouldn't see. "Hey, are you sure you're alright?" he asked as I felt his hand on my shoulder.

At last, I lifted up my head and looked at him. "No, I'm really not." The moment I glanced up into Larry's eyes, his face transformed within the speed of light and it was as if he had finally come across the pain I had been facing for… actually quite a long time now. Ever since my mum's death. He looked a little traumatised by my emotions, however, I thought it was time for him to experience me being explicit with this 'pain'. He took off his seatbelt and did the same with me. Next, he took me by the arm and walked me out of our lane of seats. I knew exactly where we were going.

Larry silently led me through the walkway whilst I had to focus on ignoring the lump in my throat and at last, we both got to the entrance of the bathroom, but just before we entered, I caught sight of a girl sitting in one of the back seats and she was looking at me with concern, which I thought was a little bizarre since I was nothing more than a stranger to her. I didn't have time to get a good look at her because I had already entered the bathroom. I had to say that it was totally what I was expecting. It was a typical plane bathroom and it sort of reminded me of a Public toilet in Quinstone's town centre.

The walls all around me were adorned with black tiles and for a moment, I thought the white gaps in between those tiles were actually luminous and glow in the dark, there was a metal toilet sitting in the top right hand corner and the moment we both entered, the LED light switched on above our heads, almost blinding us. After my eyes adjusted to said light, it still took me a while to decipher that this bathroom I had stepped into was not from the future.

"Look," Larry said gently. "I know something else is worrying you. What is it?"

I was hesitant to speak, for there were so many things worrying me, but after a moment, I began. "I don't think going on TV is a very good idea anymore. I know you told me that, but…it's for a different reason this time. Right now, I feel like an absolute nobody and it seems like whatever I do, it's not enough."

"You're not making any sense." Larry replied. "You're going to go on TV and you're going to be seen by millions of people! Even if you don't win the show, people will still remember who you are."

I shook my head and swallowed. "I don't think they are." I suddenly felt the lump crawling back to my throat. "See, ever since my mum died, I've been desperate, so desperate for many things…"

"Like what?" Larry asked.

My eyes instantly grew heavy with tears and I took a shaky breath. "Like…a better life, somebody to care for me, and even though I may not like it at times, I'm desperate for company. I'm crying out for love and I feel like my life doesn't have any of that…and I know that those things are not going to come to me any time soon." I turned around and leant my head against the wall. "So-So…why bother carrying on with life if it's not going to get any better? It's just a pure waste of time!"

I could sense Larry standing behind me, trying to take in what I had just said and I momentarily worried that I had made him almost as upset as me. "Well, it is said that life is nothing without love…" he mused.

"Yeah, I know." I wiped away a tear before sitting myself down on the floor. "Which is why I don't want to live anymore."

Larry sighed and rubbed me on the shoulder. He sat down beside me and put an arm around me. "Do you think that you'll enjoy life much better if you had somebody to love? Is that what you're saying? You want someone to make you happy?"

I nodded and I turned to my best friend. "I mean, you make me happy, but…I feel like I'll love life much better if I had someone in my life to be romantically attracted to."

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find the right girl one day. I mean, look at you. You're a great guy with a great personality…and great looks." Larry raised his eyebrows and smiled, which caused me to finally do the same. "Who knows? Your loved one could be on this very plane right now."

"Perhaps…" I said. I leant on Larry's shoulder and sighed. "I'll try and think about what you've said, and…sorry if I shocked you when I said I wanted to die."

Larry shifted a little and he wrapped his arms around me. "That's okay, and don't worry about feeling like a nobody. You're not alone, I've felt that way before and I've gotten past it. Maybe you will one day." He finally let me go and we both stood up. "And who cares if you don't win the show this year? At least you've given it a shot and you've had a good time."

I nodded, absorbing every last modicum of Larry's advice. "Maybe. I should just enjoy having the opportunity to experience a whole new world and make lots of brand new friends."

"Yeah…" Larry's voice trailed off as soon as I'd finished what I had said and he now looked a little washed out.

"Lar, are you okay?" I asked.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine." he replied, looking as if he was forcing a smile. "Let's get back to our seats. It's getting pretty late."

I agreed, so much in fact that I opened my mouth and yawned. We really needed to get our heads down and go to sleep; I had a very big day tomorrow, so we both walked out of the bathroom and back into the seating area. This was actually quite scary. I was only a few hours away from my destination and I knew I had to prepare myself for the amount of hard work I would be charging through (that's if I slept successfully), so I nestled my head into the seat and slowly drifted off to sleep.