Henry was always, as his parents called it, a very independent child. While Bea constantly took up his parents attention he basically had no choice. He didn't mind it though, he knew how to handle himself, how to make sure he survives at least. He never wanted to burden his parents, knowing Bea needed the attention more, and that his parents can't bare more stress. The crown and Bea were already too much, to add Henry's problems to the pile of stress would be just cruel. But every now and then they found out he wasn't as okay as they thought.

The first time that happened it was when they found out he cuts. He didn't do it to die, just as a quick way to stop his heart from beating fast. Then the second time when they found out he had an eating disorder. The third time when they found out he smoked they were the angrier though. He didn't really care. He still needed a way to calm his mind and if nicotine could do it, then why not?

But knowing how they reacted every time that they found out he wasn't happy and okay, he swore to never let anyone know just how fucked up he is. He made sure to hide his feelings behind a mask of happiness. It was tiring, but at the same time easy. Once he put it on everything seemed great. He didn't mind feeling rotten when he was alone, he didn't mind the self hatred, the self destructiveness, quite the opposite actually. He knew it was creepy, but he loved it. He loved it so much.

When he met Alex, he felt truly happy, he believed everything would be just okay. But of course life had to be life, and his depression came back. He made sure to hide it from Alex, to make sure he won't leave. You see, once he tells anyone about his actual self they always leave. It happened to every friend he had. And he wasn't willing to risk losing Alex, for Alex was his sunshine. Only with him he felt better.

When their e mails got leaked, he didn't know what to do. His family, The Crown, didn't know he was gay, though he knew it ever since he was aware of himself. He hated himself for it, much like he hated himself for a whole lot of things, but he had to accept it to a certain degree. When he was with Alex, he didn't hate himself for his gayness, but once Alex flew back to New York, he hated himself again. It was just how it was. It wasn't a bug deal in his mind as long as noone would find out just how rotten he is. But once people found out, it was over. Everyone knew. While he didn't mind the public knowing, because he was aware that not all people are homophobic, he did however hate that his family knew. And he hated himself even more for letting this even happen. Had he not let his selfishness lead him to Alex, his family wouldn't have to deal with this. So he did what his grandpa told him to do, cut off Alex.

Though it hurt him to do that, he knew it was for the best. It would've never worked out anyway. They'd break up, even though they weren't even truly dating, and he'd be just as broken if not more than he is now. And he'd ruin Alex's career too, which was very important to the curly haired man. So he did what he had to do for Alex, though he couldn't ignore just how much it hurt.

He ended up falling back into his old habits, to deal with depression. A cigarette once in a while wouldn't hurt as long as noone found out. He proffered to roll his own cigarettes. Not just because it was much cheaper, he had enough money to buy industrial ones. But just the way he had something else to do before and after smoking. He was pretty good at it too. He hated to admit it, but he smoked a lot more the longer he ignored Alex. He knew Alex couldn't go to Britain due to exams, and he knew that ignoring him was the best for the both of them. But only when he smoked could he think about anything other than Alex. His appetite was gone too, he wasn't sure if it was depression or the nicotine, but he didn't care. He didn't feel like eating anyways, it was too stressful. He made sure to always have an excuse for why he didn't eat.

Due to the scandalous emails as his family described them, he wasn't allowed to go in public, to talk about it. His family dealt with it, and to be quite frank, he stopped caring. He lost Alex, there was no point in caring what the public thought. He didn't check his phone at all, he had it turned off in his drawer.

A month had passed and his arms were once again covered in cuts, some deeper some shallower, but he always wore his suit and tie and noone noticed anyway. He knew he had lost weight, but he was in his room all the time, so noone noticed that either. It was sort of comforting to him, to be back in this state of mind. He didn't feel bad about it, he felt no shame about it. He was a screw up, who cared if he was just as fucked in his head. He didn't talk to anyone, he felt better alone. Deep down he knew he would have to get help eventually, but he didn't want to. He felt too comfortable. The self destructiveness was just like a thinck blanket you cover yourself with in the cold winter. A comforting warmth.

He was sitting on the floor of his balcony, smoking his cigarette, inhaling the smoke and feeling it burn his lungs, while watching the moon in the cold night. It was peaceful. But then someone barged in his room. He quickly put out the cigarette, though he wasn't finished smoking it and sat on the pack of tobacco to hide it. He looked behind his back, to see who dared to destroy his peaceful night. He expected Bea or another family member, but no, it was Alex. A very hurt and angry looking Alex. He looked like he hadn't showered in weeks, his hair all greasy. Not that Henry himself was any better, depression does that to a person. But it still hurt him to see Alex like that. They both just stared at eacother, but he figured it was just Alex, so he picked up the cigarette and put it in his mouth, lighting it.

Alex slowly walked to him sitting down right next to him. They both knew they had to talk this out, but Henry didn't feel like it until he finished his cigarette. Alex knew him well, though he didn't know he smoked or cut or any other stupid shit he did, so they just sat there in complete silence. Once he finished the cigarette he turned to face Alex. He didn't say anything, but Alex knew that meant he had to talk.

"Henry why didn't you answer me? Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? For a month you didn't even care enough to text me a simple I'm a live or something..."

Alex's voice wasn't angry, but hurt instead. It broke Henry's heart more than if he was angry. You see he deserved to get yelled at, to get told to fuck off, to get told what a screw up he is. But instead Alex was hurt and worried about him.

"I had to do what my grandpa told me to do."

His voice was raspy, he didn't remember the last time he spoke to anyone. To be fair, he was locked up in his room for more than a month.

"You look horrible... Are you alright?"

Asked Alex, with such concern in his voice that Henry wanted to tell him the truth, that he was not fine at all, that really he just wanted to die and rot in his grave. But he didn't.

"I'm fine."

A moment of silence was between them. None of them knew what to say or do. But Alex being Alex and knowing Henry well, he knew Henry wasn't okay at all.

"I didn't know you royals were allowed to smoke."

"We're not."

It was quite awkward, but they didn't care. Alex was happy that Henry was alive at least, since he wasn't sure about it, after all Henry had disappeared for over a month, not texting back, not appearing in public. It was like Henry had just disappeared into thin air.

"They support us, you know?"

Said Alex as Henry started rolling another cigarette. He looked at Alex as he locked the paper and rolled it.

"Do they really?"

He picked up his ighter and lit it up. It scared Alex if he was honest, he had never seen Henry like this. Mostly skin and bones, huge eye bags and not to mention smoking.

"It's all over the news... Haven't you seen it?"

"No."

Alex was for the first time in his life at a loss of words. He didn't know Henry as well as he thought he did. Panic started to rise in him, fearing the worst - that Henry doesn't love him anymore, or that he never even did in the first place. So he did the only logical thing his brain could think of.

"Do you even love me?"

Henry blew the smoke out, nearly choking on it in the process.

"Alex, don't. Please. It's for your own good."

"Do you love me?"

He asked again, this time making sure he emphasized every word.

"Fuck Alex I do. I really do. But this won't work and you know it. Maybe in America it would, but The Crown doesn't support this lifestyle of ours."

"Fuck that! Henry I flew across an ocean for you and you don't even bother to reply to my texts! So tell me, do you love me? Or even better did you ever even fucking love me in the first place"

It broke Henry's heart, it really did, to hear that. He knew how Alex had abandonment issues die to his parents divorce. He knew how much Alex must've been hurt by him cutting him off, but really what could he do?

"Alex I love you with all my heart I really do..."

He said before inhaling another smoke and blowing it out.

"But as much as I want to be with you, and leave this fucked up place, I can't."

After some silence, which seemed to last forever, Henry finished his cigarette. Not knowing what else to do but to keep smoking he started rolling another one. Alex snapped it out of his hands though.

"Henry I know you're not okay. You look like absolute shit, no offense. Tell me what's really happening with you."

"I'm fine really, just give me back my bag of tobacco please."

"Not until you tell me why you're practically skin and bones and why you're even smoking in the first place."

Alex was determined to find out, he would leave if Henry wanted dhim to, but not until he knew what was going on.

But Henry couldn't just tell him what's going on. It would worry Alex and then he'd leave, though he knew he should want Alex to leave and move on.

"I'm really okay."

"Henry."

And the way he said his name, with such pain and worry on his voice he had never heart before, that broke him. So he told him everything.

"I'm just struggling a bit... I always were, I guess, but now it's just a mess. It's pathetic..."

"It's not pathetic... It's okay... When was the last time you ate?"

To be honest, Henry had no idea. Must've been a week. He was living off of tea and energy drinks, though he hated caffeine, he hated feeling tired more.

"Yesterday. I ate yesterday."

He hoped Alex didn't see through his lies, but he didn't want to worry him. He felt bad enough admitting to struggling, Alex didn't have to know with what and to what extent his struggles were. The thing is at this point they're not even struggles, it's just life. But Alex seemed to have belived him, nodding worriedly.

"What are you struggling with? Depression or like..."

"Alex I'm fine really."

"You're not, but that's okay... We can get through this. But I need to know, so I know how to help you."

"Can I just get my tobacco back, please?"

Alex caved in and gave him the tobacco. Henry was grateful, he needed a cigarette right now, more than he ever did in his life.

"Depression I guess... And eating."

He said, lighting up yet another cigarette while Alex just nodded patiently waiting if he's going to continue. He didn't want to push him, but he knew he had to. This had gone too far. If Henry continued his habits, Alex knew he would die. He saw it before with a classmate of his in 8th grade. But he didn't want to see it happen to Henry.

"Thank you for telling me."

Alex gently touched Henry's hand, the one he wasn't using to smoke. While he hated seeing Henry smoke, knowing it was bad for him, he knew he wouldn't get the information needed to help him had it not been for Henry smoking.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Alex leaned in, kissing him slowly. He missed Henry so much and the worry had eaten him alive. He was sure Henry was dead, assassinated by The Crown or something like that.

"So you've just been here all alone for a month?"

Henry nodded. Alex's heart shattered into millions of pieces. He had his family there to support him, accept him for who he is, and help him get through this mess, while Henry was all alone, in his room, slowly killing himself.

"I'm so sorry. I should've came sooner."

"Alex I cut you off. And to be honest I'm fine."

Alex was concerned about him constantly saying he was fine, when he obviously was not. He was mad at Henry's family for not checking on him, for not making sure he was alright, for not being there for him. But he knew how they were and he knewnhe couldn't do shit about it.

"Let me show you something."

He unlocked his phone and opened the news, showing Henry hundreds of articles showing their support for them. He showed him his DMs from fans showing their support.

"You see... They really do support us. They don't hate us."

"But my family hates us."

"Fuck them then. We can fly to America tomorrow, they haven't checked on you for a month, you can stay with me for some time."

Henry smiled at the thought. Him and Alex back together, being able to be who they are. Before ehe coudl get to the bad thoughts Alex spoke up again.

"Let's go to bed, it's late."

He got up, offering Henry his hand. And Henry felt happy for the first time in what seemed to be forever. Alex hadn't left him, even when he shut him out of his life.

Once they were in bed, cuddling properly, Henry fell asleep believing that everything just might turn out okay, with Alex by his side. And he wouldn't let go of him ever again.

Alex woke up to his phone blowing up. He cursed himself for not turning it off, or putting it on silent. He looked at the messages and calls. All of them were about something getting leaked. He was far too tired to understand what was happening, but he knew something must be very wrong if people are blowing up his phone like this. So he opened the news, to see what was such a big deal. His heart stopped for a moment before starting to beat as fast as it was trying to break out of his chest.

"Prince Henry and The first son's leaked emails"

He was panicking, he was lost. He got out of bed, not bothering to change into real clothes. He ran straight to his mom's office, she was up already. After all it was 7AM. With shaking hands, a racing heart and a foggy mind, he tried to explain the situation. He knew his mom would accept his bisexuality, and even support him. But he wasn't ready and it was out. Everyone knew. And what was even scarier, he was thousands of miles away from Henry. He just wanted to hug him, cuddle and forget this whole thing. But he was in America, and Henry was in Britain. His exams were coming up so he couldn't fly all the way there and he doubted Henry would be allowed to go, since the Crown wasn't much of an ally.

His mom seemed to know exactly what to do, hug him and tell him it'll be okay. Though they both knew this will be a he'll to go through, she made him feel hope that it'll all pass soon. He felt guilty, this might cost his mom a win, which she worked hard for. He apologized, crying in her arms, but she wasn't angry, at least not at him. After he had calmed down enough to not cry manically, he excused himself to call Henry. He couldn't imagine what he would do without his supportive mom. And Henry was all alone, all by himself, while this was going on.

Alex called, he called multiple times, sent what seemed to him a million texts, even sent him DMs on Instagram, but he got no reply. Henry wasn't active anywhere for the past 5 hours. When he expressed his worry about Henry's well being to his mother, she assured him Henry must be talking with his family about what to do next. He was still really concerned about him. If they had only been more careful, this would've never had even happened.

He had no choice, but to study and call Henry during his breaks. He knew the exams were important, but a whole month of them and not having Henry by his side made it hard to focus.

After a week has passed with no replies from Henry, his worry started to grow fast. His mom, he thanked God for her, he really did, was there for him, trying to find reasonable explanations for why Henry didn't answer. But Alex felt in his heart that something was wrong. Henry would find a way to contact him, he knew him well enough to know that. Henry wouldn't just dissapear, would he? He knew he was being crazy, but what if Henry was dead? He wasn't seen anywhere by the public, he wouldn't answer his texts and calls, to Alex it seemed logical in a way, that Henryy was murdered.

But what calmed him was how the public reacted to the emails. Though some were extremely homophobic, sending him death threats and telling him they'll both burn in hell and such shenanigans, most of the public supported them. He hoped Henry had seen that too, so that he'd know they will be okay.

The constant state of stress started eating him away. He was losing countless hours of sleep, thinking of Henry and why he was nowhere ro be found, and those rare times when he did fall asleep at a reasonable hour, he had horrific nightmares about Henry dying. It went so far that he barely passed his exams, but he did. He was thankful for coffee that kept him up through multipe all nighters he pulled, studying in his room. Had it not been for that, he wouldve for sure failed all of them.

He begged his mom to let him go to Britain now. After all, it's been a month and noone has even seen a glimpse of Henry. Even his mom couldn't deny it anymore, something was wrong with Henry. But she didn't approve, saying it was too dangerous, too risky.

So what he did was secretly book a flight. He snuck out during the night, leaving a simple note explaining where he is on his bed, where his mom would for sure see it. He knew what he was doing was dangerous, he had no security and was flying across the sea just for a man. But in his defense, he loved Henry deeply. And that love kept him going. His heart was still racing on the plane. He didn't know what to expect. He kept on thinking about the same things, letting his mind run in circles for the whole plane ride there. It was stressful, not knowing if he'll get there to get told Henry wasn't alive, or that maybe Henry just didn't love him anymore and decided it wasn't worth it, cutting him off. But he tried to belive that Henry was probably just taking a break from the media to dela with this whole thing.

In the taxi he took, his heart was beating even faster. He wished he could've just teleported to Henry, to see that he was okay. He nearly spilled coffee all over the car, he was shaking so much it was hard to drink it. He knew if he wanted to see Henry he'd have to sneak in, so he tried to make a plan hwo to do that. They had cameras all over the place, he knew he'd get caught by a camera at one point. But even though sneaking in was illegal, the thought of Henry kept him going. He had to make sure Henry was alright. So he did it. He snuck in, even he himself wasn't sure how but he did. He remembered where Henry's room was, quietly walking to it, hoping no other royals wake up.

He stood motionless infront of Henry's room. The second he comes in, he's going to see him, alive or dead. He knew he was being stupid, he couldn't be dead, right? Deciding to not think about it anymore, he barged in. It was 2AM, so he expected to see Henry in his bed, but he wasn't there. Panic started to rise in him, until he saw the balcony door open.

Seeing Henry made him feel worse though. He was practically skin and bones, dark circles around his eyes made him look much like he was dead. But he was alive, that's what matters. While Alex hated smoking, and thought it was a nasty bad habit, Henry looked elegant while doing so. Gently bringing his hand with the cigarette to his mouth, inhaling and exhaling. He looked horrible, but as beautiful as ever.

Later, when he rolled his cigarette. Alex couldn't help but notice he was quite skilled at it. He'd put the filter in his mouth, take out some tobacco and gently roll it. As much as Henry looked worse than ever, he always held himself elegantly.

After Henry had starting rolling another cigarette, Alex had lost count by then, he couldn't help but take his tobacco. He was smoking way too much for his health. He was getting more and more worried. The way Henry barely spoke, the way he just smoked, the way he looked dead. It would make even tho most inhumane person worried.

When he woke up next morning, next to Henry, it felt unreal. The way Henry looked perfect even when he was at his worst was driving him insane. He made a promise to himself to get Henry something to eat as soon as he wakes up. He gently played with Henry's hair, careful to not wake him up. He was grateful for the moment, he missed Henry so much that words couldn't even describe. Henry's eyes gently opened.

"Morning babe."

Said Alex with a smile. He missed this. Henry just smiled in response. He wanted to wait a bit before telling him they need to get something to eat, mainly so Henry doesn't die from starvation, he did say he ate two days ago, but Alex knew he was lying, but also because he was hungry. After a while though, it was eating him alive, he needed to get Henry to eat.

"Babe? I think we should get something to eat."

Henry's smile dropped, but he knew Alex was just worried. He'd never seen him like this before.

"I'll go grab something... You should probably stay in here."

Said Henry and got up to dress. He put on an oversized hoodie, Alex was sure it fit him when they last saw eachother. Then Henry left him alone before coming back with pancakes made by their private chefs, probably left from breakfast.

As they ate, Henry couldn't seem to eat more than a half of the pancake before feeling like he might throw up. He knew it was his anorexia talking, but he just couldn't do it. He was thankful for Alex not pushing him. It would make everything worse.

"So what will we do now? I mean you're here and we can't go out without getting noticed so what will we do?"

"I don't know... I didn't really think it through."

Alex laughed nervously. He should probably text his mom and tell her he's okay and safe.

"I'm just gonna text my mom... I kind of didn't tell her I'm leaving..."

He quickly texted her, saying he's safe and all that usual stuff. He was just about to turn his phone off when she called.

"Hi, mom."

He signaled to Henry he'll talk with her in the bathroom before walking away. He knew she'd be mad and he didn't want Henry to feel guilty.

"Alex what is wrong with you? Do you know how worried I was? And that note are you serious?"

"Mom, I'm fine... You didn't let me go but Henry needed me and I knew it..."

"God Alex... Okay here's what we'll do, I'll send some security so you can safely go back home."

"No! Look, he needs me right now, please just let me stay. Plus the palace is safe you know that. As long as I'm here I'm safe."

"Do they even know you're there?"

"No... I kind of snuck in."

"Alex!"

He rolled his eyes. He knew it was a stupid thing to do, but Henry needed him, even if he didn't say it. And he needed him too.

"I don't even know what to do..."

"Mom it's gonna me fine! I'll sneak out once Henry's okay and go home it'll be fine."

"I give you three days, I'm sending security and you are in so much trouble when you get home."

"Fine."

He hung up. He splashed his face with cold water, Henry doesn't have to see him like that. Once he felt the anger and frustration leave his mind, he stepped out. Henry was on his bed, calmly reading a book. He looked at him.

"So? How mad is she?"

"Not really mad but um... I have to go back in three days..."

Henry silently nodded and went back to his book. Alex was sort of scared of this new Henry. They used to talk a lot, not a minute went without them blabbing about something. And now he was just quiet.

"Henry... Do you think you could maybe come to America with me?"

"No."

He didn't even look up from his book.

"Why not? I mean for a month noone even checked on you... They wouldn't notice if you went with me... Maybe just for some time... So you can you know, actually get better?"

"Alex, I can't okay? Even talking to you is something I shouldn't be doing. If I run away with you they'll kill me."

"They won't know!"

"What if they will? Then I have more shit I have to deal with."

Alex's heart was breaking, he didn't want to leave Henry alone, not in this state.

"Is there anything we can do?"

"Alex, there is no we. "We" can't exist. "We" is what got us here in the first place. I was stupid enough to think we could do it, but the truth is, Alex, we can't. And it'll just hurt more the longer we wait to stop it. No amount of talking can save us. Nothing can. It's time we give up."

"No."

Alex said with a harsh tone. Henry knew he broke his heart, but they both knew, there's no way they could take to avoid The Crown interfering.

"Henry we don't have to give up. We can't save us. Please."

The way Alex pleaded, his eyes already watering, tears forming in his eyes, it all pained Henry in ways he never felt before. He wanted to tell him they could get through it, that he won't give up, but he knew that he had to. He'd hurt Alex more than enough already.

"Alex... I love you... But I can't."