A/N: *Trigger warning: Serious Illness*
Chapter 4
"Happy Halloween, my queen," Emma said, as she bounced up to the beautiful woman standing alone in the corner of the bar.
"What?" she asked, looking over at Emma with confusion.
"You're the Evil Queen," she answered.
"I beg your pardon?" the woman asked, her eyebrows shooting up in shock.
"You're dressed up as the Evil Queen from Snow White…right?" Emma asked, her confidence quickly waning.
"Oh…yes. Yes I am. Thank you for noticing," the woman said, a soft smile spreading across her face. "Most people don't know who this is."
"How could they not? The Evil Queen is iconic! She was always my favorite character from the movie. Snow White was just annoying. Now the Evil Queen, she got things done." Emma laughed.
"I couldn't agree more!" the woman said, excitement in her voice. "And…what are you dressed as?"
"I'm a banana!" Emma said with a chuckle, taking a step back so the woman could observe her costume.
"And…why, might I ask, did you choose such an…interesting costume?"
"Why not?" Emma asked, laughing at herself.
"I suppose that's as good a reason as any," the woman said. "Even if it is the silliest costume I've seen all night."
"That's exactly what I was going for." Emma chuckled.
"Well then, I'd say you succeeded."
"So…why are you all alone tonight?"
"I came here tonight with my friend, but it appears she has found herself a knight in shining armor to save her from my dull existence," the woman said, pointing to the blonde woman dressed as a princess, who was dancing with a man dressed as a knight.
"Yeah, my friend ditched metoo. She's the one dressed as Little Red Riding Hood, practically dry humping the guy dressed as a wolf," Emma said, pointing to her friend.
"Well, it appears we are both the third wheels tonight," the woman said.
"I think there might be a support group for that," Emma said, cringing at how bad the joke was, only to smile when she heard the woman laugh.
And what a wonderful laugh it was.
"Can I buy you a drink?" Emma asked. She was grateful for the loud music as it hid the slight tremble in her voice.
"You know what? Sure, why not," the woman said, a soft smile on her face.
"What'll you have, Your Majesty?"
"A dirty martini, please."
"Coming right up," Emma said, rushing off to the bar with a wide smile on your face. She carefully walked back with the woman's drink, taking extra care not to spill even a drop before she delivered it to the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. "Here you go, my queen. One dirty martini," Emma said.
"Thank you," the woman said, taking a delicate sip. "And…umm…it's Regina…Regina Mills," she said, nervously.
"I'm Emma Swan," Emma said, extending her hand for Regina to shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Regina Mills."
"Emma, darling. If you keep eating all that candy, you're going to give yourself a stomach ache," Regina said, as Emma stuffed another Snickers into her mouth.
"Regina, it's Halloween…" Emma said, after frantically chewing the fun sized candy bar. "Today is the only acceptable day to eat your weight in candy," she said, unwrapping another candy, shoving it in her mouth. A soft groan escaped her mouth moments later. "Also…too late…"
"Told you so," Regina said, chuckling.
"I'm so glad my misfortune is funny to you."
"You're cute when you pout."
"Oh, I'm so glad you find me cute."
"That's not all I find you." Regina smirked, kissing Emma deeply, the passion of the kiss sending shockwaves through Emma's body.
"You're going to be the death of me, Miss Mills," Emma said, pulling away from the kiss before things got a little too heated. "And what a lovely death that will be." The light of the full moon illuminated Regina's face, and Emma could see the deep blush that spread across her face. Regina snuggled up against Emma's frame to change the subject, both turning their attention to the waves in front of them.
"I could sit here for hours," Emma said, settling into the bench at the docks, as a symphony of trick-or-treats sang behind them from the street.
"Me too," Regina whispered.
"Do you know why Halloween is my favorite holiday?" Emma asked a few minutes later, breaking their comfortable silence.
"Because of all the free candy?" Regina asked, chuckling to herself as she stole a miniature Peanut Butter Cup from Emma's hoodie pocket.
"Yes that too." Emma laughed. "But also because it was the night we met."
"That certainly turned out to be a very good night after all, even though both of our friends ditched us the first chance they got."
"Jokes on them," Emma said, kissing the top of Regina's head softly as Regina quickly ate the stolen piece of candy. "But, there's one more reason I like Halloween so much…" Emma said, a slight hint of nervousness in her voice.
"Oh really, what's that?" Regina asked, shifting closer to Emma to keep warm.
"Because, I'm hoping you'll agree to marry me on Halloween…" Emma said quietly.
"WHAT?" Regina's head popped up to look at Emma, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion as she stared into Emma's bright green eyes.
"Regina Mills, I've loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you in that bar three years ago. I became alive that night, and everything suddenly became clear. You're my future, Regina. You're my everything. There's nothing in this world that we can't overcome, as long as we are facing it together. And so, I have something I want toask you."
Regina watched as Emma slid off the bench and onto one knee in front of her. "Regina Mills…" Emma paused to reach into her pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. She pried the lid open and presented the small diamond ring nestled inside. "...will you marry me?" Emma's voice shook almost as much as her hands did, and neither had anything to do with the cool breeze wrapping around them.
Regina's mind went completely blank as she stared down at the woman in front of her.
The woman who was asking her to marry her.
The woman who, in the very near future, would become her fiancé.
"Yes! Yes of course! YES! Yes I'll marry you, Emma!" she shouted, loud enough that she was sure half the town could hear. The smile on Emma's face grew so large, she was certain the poor woman's skin would rip any moment. Emma's hands were visibly shaking so much that Regina was afraid she was going to drop the ring through the small openings between the wooden boards of the dock, and be swallowed up by the sea. But somehow she managed to slide the ring onto Regina's finger, before tackling her in the largest hug and most passionate kiss of their lives.
Halloween was quickly becoming Regina's favorite holiday as well.
Emma stood on the small porch of the cozy blue house, looking out at the front yard, her mind running a mile a minute. "You doing alright, my love?" Regina asked as she wrapped her arms around Emma from behind, her chin resting on Emma's shoulder as her hands automatically fell onto Emma's belly, which had only very recently begun to swell.
"Yeah. Just needed some air. It appears that this little guywantsme to throw up every morning until he gets here."
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Regina asked, softly kissing the side of her neck.
"Can you rub my belly a little? He seems to really like it when you do that."
"As you wish, my love," Regina said. Her hands started rubbing small circles around Emma's swollen midsection as Emma's head rested against her shoulder.
"I was thinking…" Emma said after a few moments of silence.
"I thought I smelled something burning," Regina joked, receiving a soft elbow to her ribs.
"As I was saying…I was thinking of going down to Marine Garage and seeing if I can buy a cheap tire and make a tire swing for the little guy. I think that tree right there would be perfect for a tire swing."
"I think you're right, my love. But how about we wait until he gets a little older to start something like that."
"Okay, fine. When he's three."
"I was thinking closer to double digits, like ten, when it's a little safer," Regina said.
"Fine. I'll wait until he's ten. But not a minute later."
"Deal."
"How are we doing out here, ladies?" a woman asked as she stepped out of the house with a briefcase slung over her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, am I interrupting something?"
"No, not at all. I just needed some fresh air before this little guy made me revisit my breakfast," Emma said, rubbing her stomach.
"How far along are you?" the woman asked.
"Sixteen weeks yesterday." Emma smiled so wide her face started to hurt.
"Well, you'll certainly have plenty of time to get settled in before the little one arrives. But I wouldn't wait too long to start painting the nursery. This time goes by so quickly."
"We won't. I already have big plans," Regina said.
"Well then, I won't keep you any longer. Congratulations, ladies…" she said, extending her hand to place a set of keys into each of their hands. "...you are officially homeowners!"
"Thank you so much, for everything," Regina said, shaking her hand.
"It's my pleasure. Now go enjoy your new home. And best of luck when the little one comes!"
"Thank you!" Emma shouted as the realtor walked down the front steps and out to her car.
"So, what now, my love?" Regina asked once the realtor was out of sight.
"Let's go home," Emma said, grabbing Regina's hand and pulling her into the house, closing the door behind them.
"MOOOOOMMY COME OOOOONNNN!" Henry shouted up the stairs.
"I'll be right down, my prince. I just need another minute to make sure my costume is perfect," Regina yelled back.
"HURRY UP!" Henry stamped his feet as he waited. "All the houses are gonna run out of candy before we get there," he said with a deep pout on his face.
"I doubt that, kid. It's still early. Plus, I'm positive that Grandma and Grandpa have an entire bowl of candy set aside just for you."
"Really? A whole bowl of candy just for ME?"
"Yes, but you can not eat the entire bowl in one sitting, or you'll end up at the doctors with a tummy ache. No matter what Mama says."
Henry and Emma gasped in unison as they saw Regina walk down the stairs dressed as a fairy princess, wings and all.
"Mommy, you look beautiful!" Henry said.
"So do you, my little prince," Regina said, kissing his messy hair.
"No! Not beautiful, Mommy. I'm scary! I'm a big scary dinosaur!" five year old Henry said, stomping his feet and growling like a dinosaur.
"Woah, you certainly scared me!" Emma said, pretending to shake with fear.
"Silly Mama, bananas don't get scared," Henry said, matter-of-factly.
"You're so right, kid. What was I thinking." Emma laughed, messing up his hair.
Regina looked at Emma's costume, which was looking a little worse-for-wear. "Really, Emma. A banana again?"
"What? It's a classic. Besides, you fell in love with me while I was wearing this, remember? It's my lucky costume!"
"And, if you play your cards right, you might just get lucky tonight," Regina whispered before kissing Emma seductively.
"Kid, you're going to bed early tonight," Emma declared.
"COME ONN! It's time to go trick-or-treating before the houses run out of candy!" Henry declared, pushing both his mothers out the front door.
"The child has spoken. Let the wild rumpus start! Lead the way, Dino-Henry!"
Henry lasted about an hour before he demanded to be carried, and was sound asleep in Emma's arms by the time they made it back home. He woke up long enough to take a bath and demand he sleep in his favorite dinosaur costume. Once he was sound asleep, they carefully worked together to get the itchy and hot costume off his sleeping body and into more appropriate pajamas, before raiding their son's candy stash.
"Do I have to remind you that if you eat too much candy, you'll get a stomach ache?" Regina asked as she watched Emma unwrap her fifth piece of candy and shove it into her mouth.
"Too late…" she said after swallowing the chocolate and caramel candy.
"You eat like a child."
"I know…but you still love me…right?"
"Until the day I die," Regina said, kissing her softly.
"You mean you won't love me anymore after you die?" Emma asked, sporting a faux pout.
"Who am I kidding? I'll love you until the end of time itself."
"Good, because you're never getting rid of me. Even after I die, I'm coming back to haunt your ass."
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me."
"Okay doc…give it to me…" Emma said as she nervously squeezed Regina's hand. Her face may have seemed calm and collected, but Regina knew better. She knew deep down, Emma was a nervous wreck.
"Emma…I have your test results…and I'm afraid they aren't good."
"So…you're telling me I have cancer?" Emma asked, her tough exterior already fading.
"Yes…I'm so sorry…"
"How…how far along?" Emma asked.
"It's stage four breast cancer, with metastases to your liver, both kidneys, spleen and your right lung, which is why you were having trouble breathing."
"What's the next step?" Regina asked after Emma fell into a shocked silence.
"The first step is a total double mastectomy, as soon as possible."
"You want to cut off my boobs?" Emma asked, nearly shouting.
"We want to remove the cancerous tissue to prevent it from spreading even more than it already has," the doctor clarified.
"And after the surgery?" Regina asked, ignoring Emma's outburst.
"I'm recommending several rounds of radiation and chemotherapy to shrink the existing tumors. If the treatment is successful, we would then go in and remove the rest of the tumors."
"And if it isn't successful?" Emma asked, anger and sadness filling her voice.
"Let's cross that bridge if we come to it. Right now, I'd like to focus on the surgery. I want to schedule it for the beginning of next week. The sooner we get the tumors out, the better off we'll be when starting treatment."
"Fine. Is that all?"
"Yes, that's all for now. We'll meet again after you've recovered from surgery to discuss the treatments further."
"Good," Emma said, jumping out of the chair and running out of the office.
"I'm so sorry for my wife's behavior…" Regina said, slowly standing from her chair.
"It's quite alright. That's difficult news to take."
"Thank you," Regina said, shaking the doctor's hand. "I'm sure I'll be seeing a lot of you in the next few months," she said, before leaving the office and running after Emma.
She found her wife pacing in front of her old car, kicking a stray rock every few steps. "Emma…" she said as she approached, startling the blonde slightly.
"I'm fine…"
"No, you're not. We need to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about. I'm dying, Regina."
"We don't know that, Emma. Why would you say that?" Regina said, trying so hard to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.
"Because it's true. I have cancer all over my body, Regina. They're going to cut off my tits and then pump my body full of chemicals that will make me wish I was dead."
"But then, when you get to the other side, you'll be in remission and you'll go on to live a long and happy life," Regina said, her voice breaking.
"You and I both know that's not going to happen, Regina. Stage four is the end."
"We don't know that," Regina said, losing her battle against the tears. Seeing how distraught her wife was, Emma wrapped her arms around her and held her close.
Regina's body trembled against her chest, her tears staining Emma's shirt as her own tears began to fall. They stood in silence for a few minutes, holding each other and crying together.
"We're going to fight this…" Regina said after a few minutes. "We're going to fight this together, Emma. We can win if we fight."
"Regina…I…"
"NO! You are not giving up before we've even started. We're going to fight this together. I'm not letting you give up on yourself, on our family, not yet! We're going to fight until the bitter end!"
"Okay…" Emma said tearfully. "Just promise me that you won't give up on me. That you'll be by my side as I fight this. I can't do this without you, Regina. Please don't give up on me."
"Never, my love," Regina said, kissing her softly. "Just promise me that you'll keep fighting. That you won't give up either. You'll fight this until the bitter end, until your body is free of the cancer and we can live happily ever after," Regina begged.
"I promise."
Emma's stomach contracted as she threw up in the toilet. She hadn't eaten since before her last chemo treatment, so there wasn't much to throw up, except the acidic green bile. "This…sucks…" Emma managed to say in between vomiting. Her throat was on fire from all the stomach acid she was expelling, and yet it kept coming.
"Did the anti-nausea meds help at all?" Regina asked as she held back her long blonde hair with one hand, rubbing soft circles on her back with the other.
"No…" Emma managed to say as she shifted back into Regina's arm. "This is worse than when I was pregnant…"
"The doctor did say it would get worse before it got better…" Regina whispered, placing a very soft kiss on Emma's temple. "Other than the nausea, how are you feeling?"
"Like shit," Emma exclaimed, the excitement causing her to throw up again. She laid in Regina's arms on the bathroom floor for a few more minutes, until the nausea passed and she was able to walk back to the bedroom.
"Can I get you anything? Maybe some peppermint ginger tea for your stomach?" Regina asked as she tucked Emma into bed.
"No…thank you…I don't think I could keep anything down even if I wanted to."
"Can I get you anything else? What can I do to help?" Regina asked.
"Can you…hold me? At least until Henry gets home from school."
"Of course," Regina said softly as she climbed into bed next to Emma. Emma shifted into her arms a moment later and laid her head against Regina's chest as Regina wrapped her arms around her, holding her tight.
"I feel safe when you're around…" Emma whispered as she drifted off to sleep. Regina rested her eyes for just a moment, and all of a sudden she was being awoken again by the sound of Henry knocking on the bedroom door.
"Hey…" he whispered through a crack in the door. "...can I come in?"
"Of course. But keep your voice down," she said, pointing to the woman sleeping in her arms.
"How did the chemo go today?" Henry asked, sitting down on the bed next to his mothers.
"Fine until a few hours ago…"
"She started throwing up again?" Henry asked, gently moving a small piece of hair from Emma's still face.
"Yeah. It was pretty bad this time. The worst so far," Regina said. Once again she found herself struggling to hold back the tears.
"Mom…what are we going to do if she dies?" Henry asked, out of the blue.
"We can't think about that. We have to stay in the moment. She's here now. That's all that matters."
"I know that…but there's a real possibility that all this will be for nothing, and she's going to die."
"Then we cross that bridge when it comes. Until then, we focus on her now, and helping her through this time."
"Okay…" Henry said, grabbing Regina's hand and squeezing softly. It was clear that his mother was in a deep denial at just how sick his other mother was. He was only ten years old, and he could see just how bad everything was. "Can I lay with you guys for a while?"
"Of course. I think she'll be really happy to wake up and find you here," Regina said. Henry carefully climbed into bed behind Emma, wrapping his arm around her waist. He would remember this moment for the rest of his life.
Emma looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, her eyes trained on the small bald spot on the side of her head. She had always loved her long curly hair, and now she was looking at her pale scalp in between the blonde strands. She knew this would be a possibility. She knew the chemo would most likely cause her hair to fall out. She just didn't think it would happen so soon. At first she could ignore the extra hair that was tangled up in her hairbrush. But she couldn't ignore the bald spot any longer.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Regina asked as she re-emerged with the electric clippers they used to cut Henry's hair when he was younger.
"No…but I know I have to. It's just going to keep falling out," Emma said sadly.
"It'll grow back. After this is all said and done, it'll grow back."
"I know…"
"Do you want to do it?" Regina asked, holding the clippers out for her.
"No…I…I don't think I can do it. Can you do it?"
"Of course, my love." Regina wrapped a towel around Emma's shoulders to keep the tiny hairs away from her neck before plugging in the clippers and adjusting the length. "Are you ready?" she asked, looking at Emma through the mirror.
Emma ran her fingers through her long hair one last time, sighing heavily as she looked at the lock of hair stuck between her fingers. "Yeah…"
Regina turned the clippers on and held them up to the side of Emma's head, when she suddenly stopped. "I have an idea," she said, pulling out every drawer in the vanity in search of hair ties.
She quickly, but gently, pulled Emma's hair into a low ponytail and braided the remaining locks into a tight braid. Turning on the clippers again, she carefully cut Emma's hair just above the hair tie, keeping the braid completely intact.
"We'll keep the braid until your hair grows back to the length it is now. And then, once your hair has grown back, we'll donate the braid to an organization that provides wigs to women with cancer. But until then, we'll keep this as a way to remember what we're working towards," Regina explained.
"Thank you…" Emma whispered, turning around to kiss Regina softly.
"There's no need to thank me, my love," Regina said, kissing her again. Their kiss was broken by the sounds of the clippers turning back on, pulling them back to the present. "Ready?" Regina asked again, once again making eye contact with Emma through the mirror. Emma nodded as her eyes filled with tears.
She gently pushed the clippers through what was left of Emma's hair, watching as the blonde locks fell from her scalp and onto the counter. Emma whimpered slightly as she watched in the mirror. Neither one wanted to do this, but they both knew it was necessary. Emma's hair would only keep falling out as her treatments continued. "It'll grow back…" Regina reminded her, as she started the second swipe through Emma's hair.
Twenty minutes. That's all it took to shave off Emma's hair.
Twenty minutes was all it took to make her finally look like what she really was…a cancer patient.
Twenty minutes was all it took for them to accept the truth; Emma was sick.
"We're going to get through this," Regina whispered as she kissed the back of Emma's neck, a spot she had never been able to access with Emma's long hair in the way. "We're going to get through this together, and in the end all this is going to be just a small blip in the rest of your life."
"Yeah…" Emma said, reaching behind her to run her fingers through Regina's long curly hair.
"Do you want me to shave my head too, in solidarity?"
"Don't you fucking dare!" Emma scolded. "Besides, I'm kinda rocking this bald head look. I might keep it after this is all said and done," Emma said, rubbing the peach fuzz that was left. Her words might have sounded strong, but her eyes told the truth: Emma was scared shitless. They were both scared shitless.
In the end, it was Henry who shaved his head to support his mother during her cancer journey.
"Are you warm enough?" Regina asked, wrapping a soft blanket around Emma's weak and fragile body. The cancer treatments had taken their toll on her, and what was left was a shell of who she used to be. She was so weak she couldn't even walk on her own, and needed Regina to help her do simple things like bathing. And through it all, Emma fought. She fought with all she had.
"Yes, thank you," she whispered. Emma was tired, so tired, and yet she tried hard not to let her exhaustion be known. So Regina and Henry pretended not to see the deep dark circles under her eyes that only grew larger with each passing day.
"Can I get you anything? A cup of tea maybe?"
"A cup of tea sounds great, thanks." Regina rushed off to the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with a mug in each hand. "I tried to talk Henry into spending time with his friends tonight, but he insisted he wanted to stay home and watch a movie with us instead of celebrating his birthday. I'm starting to get worried about him," Regina said, handing a mug to Emma, who almost spilled it all over the warm blanket wrapped around her.
"I think I know what's going on."
"And that is?"
"He's scared, Regina. And he's trying to spend as much time with me as he can."
"Oh…" Regina said, taking a sip of her tea to buy her a few seconds. "When you're better, we'll encourage him to branch out and get involved in some extracurricular activities."
"Yeah, that sounds good," Emma said, kissing Regina softly.
"I found your hat, Ma," Henry said as he ran down the stairs, Emma's favorite gray beanie clutched in his hands.
"Thanks, kid," Emma said as he flopped onto the couch next to her. Carefully, Henry pulled the soft knit hat over Emma's bald head, making sure to cover her ears as well. She could tell he was sweating in the uncomfortably warm house. "I'm sorry I made you guys turn off the A/C. You must be dying."
"It's okay, Ma. We want you to be comfortable, and the cold air was too much. We'll be alright," he said, settling in next to her.
"Are you sure you don't want to go out and do something fun tonight? Maybe get some ice cream?" Emma asked. Regina could tell she was struggling to sound stronger than she was.
"Nope. I just want to be here, with you guys."
"Well then, what are we watching tonight?"
"I thought I'd let you pick, Ma. Whatever you want to watch."
"Well, in that case, let's watch Hocus Pocus."
"I was hoping you'd pick that." Regina smiled, wrapping her arm around Emma's waist to carefully hold her tighter. Henry turned on the movie and they all settled into the couch together; Emma's head on Regina's shoulder while Henry rested his on Emma's lap. They were all sound asleep before Max Dennison lit the black flame candle.
Regina woke up a while later to the feeling of Emma's worn out body trembling beside her. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked, her mind taking a few moments to catch up.
"Ye….ah…I'm just…so cold…" Emma said. She was visibly shivering.
Regina placed her hand gently against Emma's forehead. "Emma, you're burning up!" Regina exclaimed.
"Ma? Are you okay?" Henry asked, waking up suddenly.
"Henry, run upstairs and get the thermometer." Henry sprang into action and ran upstairs, leaving the two alone.
"Regina…I'm…fine…" Emma said, her teeth chattering as she shivered. Henry returned a minute later with the infrared thermometer, practically throwing it into Regina's open hand. She pressed the sensor against Emma's forehead before she could protest, receiving a reading a second later.
"Okay, we're going to the hospital," Regina said, jumping off the couch to gather their things.
"No, that's not necessary. I probably just need another blanket is all," Emma said, wrapping the current blanket around her.
"Emma, you have a fever of 103. Even if you weren't sick, you would need to go to the hospital."
"I'm fine, I just need to take some Tylenol and drink some water."
"I am not going to argue with you, Emma. You are going to the emergency room, and I'm prepared to carry you on my back if I need to. Now get up and let Henry help you put on your shoes. This is not a request," Regina said firmly.
"Fine. But you'll see, this isn't necessary."
She couldn't have been more wrong.
Emma was admitted into the hospital immediately and treated for a massive infection, one that a healthy person would fight off without even knowing they were sick.
"I'm sorry I got you sick, Ma. I didn't mean to," Henry said, keeping his distance from his sick mother.
"Why would you think it's your fault?"
"Because I'm a kid. I have germs. And you can't be near germs. I shouldn't have been lying with you last night."
"You didn't get your mother sick," Regina said, taking over the conversation when Emma couldn't. "These things happen. We don't know where she caught the bug."
"And I'm going to be just fine, you'll see. I'll be back to my old self in a few days."
Emma was 0 for 2 that day.
Emma's doctor visited them the following day, thankfully while Henry was in school, to deliver the bad news. "Emma, I took a look at your test results from when you were admitted last night, and I'm afraid to say that the news isn't good."
Emma sighed. "What is it? More chemo? Another round of radiation?"
"Neither."
"What?"
"Emma, the truth is, the treatments aren't working, and the cancer is spreading too rapidly."
"So we can try another round of chemo and radiation. We can do it twice as much. I'll be fine, I can hang in a little longer."
"I'm afraid you can't. You need to rest and recover for a few months before we can start another round of treatment."
"Alright, so I'll rest. I'll eat all the chicken soup in Maine, and then we can try again in a few months."
"Emma…I'm afraid you don't have a few months."
"What are you saying?" Regina asked, her mind unable to process the information.
"I'm afraid we've reached the end of our journey. There's nothing more we can do."
"No! This can't be it. Do more chemo now. I can take it. I'm stronger than you think!" Emma pleaded.
"No, you're not. You won't survive another round of chemo. You won't survive the first treatment."
"There has to be something we can do! I'll do a clinical trial. I'll do whatever it takes. This can't be the end."
"I'm afraid it is…"
"No, doc. This can't be it. There has to be something we can do. Surgery. Cut the tumors out! Take them out and that'll give me time to recover before more chemo."
"Emma…I'm afraid there is nothing more we can do. I'm so sorry."
"So what, you just leave me here to die?" Emma yelled.
"No. I'm going to arrange for someone to come and talk to you about Hospice and Palliative care. We can make you comfortable in your final days."
Silent tears ran down Regina's face. "How long does she have, doctor?"
"Two months…maybe less…"
"Oh god…" Regina gasped.
Two months wasn't enough time. Not nearly enough time. Emma was so young, too young to die. Henry was too young to lose his mother, and Regina was too young to become a widow. And yet, life had other plans for their small family.
In the end, Emma decided to go home as soon as the infection was cleared up. If she was going to die, she wanted to die at home, and not in a cold and bright hospital room.
Emma curled up against Regina's chest as they laid in the hospital bed, the slow sound of the heart rate monitor beeping in the corner provided the only noise in the room. Gone was the queen sized bed she had shared with her wife. In its place was the hospital bed and all the machinery needed to ensure that Emma's final days were peaceful and pain free. In the weeks that had passed, there had been a constant stream of visitors, saying their final good-byes to their beloved sheriff, but now it was down to the final two.
"Mama…" Henry called from the doorway, being led in by his grandmother.
"Hey, kid…" Emma whispered, propping her head up as much as she could. "Come in."
"How are you feeling?" he asked, clearly unsure of what to say.
"Good," she lied. Regina could tell Emma was in tremendous pain, she could practically feel it herself. "We never had a chance to talk about what you are going to dress up as for Halloween," she whispered as she slowly gestured for Henry to come sit with them. Speaking too loud was too much for her.
"Ma, be serious."
"Henry, you have to go trick-or-treating tomorrow. Grandma and Grandpa are going to take you. We need to talk about costumes. You can always borrow my banana costume if you want. I might be a little too big though," Emma said, chuckling. The laughter caused her to cough, which caused even more pain to spread through her fragile body.
"I'm not going trick-or-treating, Ma. Not without you."
"Promise me that you'll keep being a kid," Emma said after a few moments of silence. "Promise me that, regardless of what happens to me, you never stop being a kid. And you never stop trick-or-treating."
"I can't promise that, Ma."
"Henry…" Regina said, giving him a look.
"Alright, Ma. I promise. No matter what happens, I'll always go trick-or-treating." Emma smiled. They all knew he was lying, but if it made his mother happy, they would allow the fib.
They laid together, just the three of them, in Emma's tiny hospital bed for hours, just enjoying the silence, as Emma slowly faded away. "It won't be long now…" the hospice nurse said around eleven o'clock that night. Regina nodded, gently waking Henry.
"Henry, my prince, I think it's time to head to bed."
"No! I'm not leaving Ma."
"Henry, it's better if you sleep in your own bed tonight."
"No!"
"Hey….kid…" Emma whispered. Speaking was nearly impossible, but she pressed on. "Why don't you…get some sleep…in your bed. You know…how cranky you get….when you don't get…enough sleep…You got that…from me…"
"But I don't want to leave you," Henry said, tears already falling from his eyes.
"It's….okay…I'll see you…in the morning….we'll have breakfast…in bed…like we used to…" Emma said, her body trembling as she clutched onto Regina under the blanket.
"Okay…but only if we can have pancakes."
"Chocolate….chip…" Emma smiled.
"I love you, Ma," Henry said, gently kissing her forehead.
"I…love you too….kid…Never forget that…" Henry dragged his feet out of the room, and the others were silent until they heard his bedroom door close. "Thank you…I didn't…want him…to see…" Emma said.
"Shhh…me neither."
"Would you like more morphine? At this stage I am able to administer as much as you like," the nurse offered.
"No…thank you…I want to…be lucid…until the…end…"
"No, Emma. You shouldn't be in pain."
"I don't want…my final moments…to be drugged up…I want…to be present…until the end. Besides…it's not…that bad…" Emma said, struggling to smile.
"I'll give you two a moment. I'll be out in the hall if you need me," the nurse said, exiting the room and closing the door, leaving it open a smidge.
"Don't…go anywhere…okay…"
"I won't. I'll be right here…"
"Don't…remember me…like this…" Emma started to say through labored breaths. "Don't…remember me…broken…remember me healthy…and happy…Remember the me…who walked up to you….wearing a banana costume…"
"I'll never forget the woman in the ridiculous banana costume."
"And I'll never…forget…the most beautiful….woman in the…entire bar…"
"That was the best night of my entire existence…" Regina said, her words getting caught in her throat.
They were silent for a few moments, waiting for the inevitable. There was nothing left to be said between them. They had spent weeks preparing for this moment, having countless emotional conversations and saying their final goodbyes each night, in case Emma died in her sleep. "When he…gets married…one day…bring a picture of me…so I can be there….in spirit…"
"I'll save you a seat next to me at the table."
"I…love you…so much…Regina. I've loved you…from the moment…I saw you…across the room…and I'll love you…even after I take…my final breath…"
"Emma…I…" Regina couldn't finish the sentence. Instead she carefully pressed her lips against Emma's for one final kiss.
Emma's eyes opened for the last time when she heard the old cuckoo clock downstairs chime twelve times, indicating it was midnight. "Happy…Halloween…my….queen…" Emma smiled as she stared into Regina's eyes. A moment later, she took her final breath.
Emma died in Regina's arms at 12:01am October 31, 2023.
Everything was blurry for a few seconds. Emma could feel herself being pulled away, away from this earth, and away from Regina. She tried with all her might to stay grounded, to stay present, to see, to feel, to hear. She wasn't ready to leave yet. She wasn't ready to leave Regina.
The room slowly came into view as she heard the sounds of a deep and gutteraly sobbing coming from someone below her. She was standing next to a small bed…a hospital bed to be exact. The pain was finally gone, and her body was at peace. Her eyes searched for the source of the cries and she found herself looking down at her wife, clutching a frail skeleton. It took her a moment to realize that the skeleton was her.
Regina cried as she gently rocked Emma's body, whispering soft words into her deaf ears. "Regina, don't cry. Please, don't cry," she whispered, attempting to wrap her arms around her wife, only to find she passed right through her. "Regina, please…" she cried. "Please, don't cry. You'll be alright. You'll be fine. You and Henry, you have each other. Please, don't cry because of me," she begged, her words unable to be heard by Regina.
The clock downstairs chimed twice, indicating it was two in the morning. "I've been dead for two hours…" she whispered to herself as a soft knock on the door startled Regina.
"I'm so sorry. The coroner is here. He needs to pronounce Emma's death before the funeral home can take her."
"NO! You're not taking her. No one is taking her. She's staying right here. She's not dead. She's just sleeping," Regina screamed, holding Emma tighter. "Emma…wake up. Please, wake up…"
"She passed…" the nurse said softly, pointing to the silent heart monitor which showed a flatline. "I'm so sorry…" Emma's body trembled as she watched her wife say her final goodbye to her.
"I will love you until the end of time itself…" she whispered before softly kissing her cold forehead. Regina slowly detangled herself from Emma's still body and climbed out of bed.
Emma tried to wrap her arms around Regina while she stood and listened as the Coroner pronounced her dead, only to have her body pass through Regina's again. "I can't…I can't watch them take her away…" Regina said to the nurse.
"It's alright. I'll make sure everything is taken care of and I'll let myself out when they are done. I'll come back tomorrow afternoon to clean up everything and arrange for the equipment to be removed as well."
"Thank you…" Regina whispered.
"You're welcome. Now go. Be with your son. You're about to have a very difficult conversation followed by a ton of very difficult days."
"Thank you…" was all Regina could say before leaving her bedroom, the space she had once shared with her wife, who had just died in her arms.
Regina ran down the hall towards Henry's room as Emma struggled to keep up with her. It seemed that no matter how hard or fast she ran, she couldn't catch Regina. By the time she made it to Henry's room Regina was already curled up in bed with him, both weeping uncontrollably.
"She's gone…"