Chapter 9

After Maura had left Jane's apartment, the brunette took a cab to see her brother. She was actually afraid that if she stayed by herself tonight, she might end up doing something really stupid.

Frankie had been a little startled at seeing her outside of his door, but he was happy to take her in. Since Jane had pretty much shut everyone out these past few weeks, not just Maura, he hadn't seen much of his sister lately either.

To add to Frankie's surprise Jane actually wanted to talk to him, but that surprise quickly turned into frustration though, when he realized what his dumb sister had just done.

"You told Maura what? What is wrong with you, Jane?" Frankie was actually furious with his sister. "She made a mistake, why can't you forgive her?"

Jane closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the couch, her hands rubbing her face. "This is not about forgiveness, Frankie. I already have …forgiven her. What happened, it wasn't her fault. It's mine. I shouldn't have gotten distracted. What happened… it's on me, not her."

"Then why don't you tell her that, why let her believe you still blame her? Why would you tell her you don't love her?" Frankie asked, puzzled at his sister's behavior.

The detective slowly opened her eyes, and looked at her brother, "because she would never voluntarily leave me, even when she should. I'm no good for her, Frankie. I'm screwed up. I don't sleep, I don't eat. I am angry all the time. My darkness will only end up hurting her, over and over, until there is nothing left. I don't want to hurt her."

"I think it's a little late for that," the younger Rizzoli scolded his sister. "Maura's already hurting, and so are you."

"She'll get over it."

Frankie shook his head, "but you won't."

Jane looked at her brother a little shocked.

"I mean it, Jane. Being apart from her, losing her, it will break you," Frankie tried hard to get through to his stubborn sister. "Just try to see through your pain for a minute. Think back to a year ago, heck, think back to one month ago; to your engagement party."

The brunette went a little glassy eyed thinking back to the event.

"You guys looked so content to be with each other, you were glowing, Jane. You don't glow! But that night, you did. You remember? How can you let that go?" Frankie had raised his voice a little, frustrated because his sister was giving up on the one person that ever made her truly happy.

Jane hid her face in her hands, her shoulders softly shaking. Pain, alcohol and exhaustion, taking it's toll on her already frayed emotions.

"It doesn't matter, it's too late now," she angrily wiped away a few tears.

"Sis, you are an idiot! She loves you. If you tell her what you told me, I'm sure you two can work things out together."

Jane sniffled, trying to regain her composure. "You think I should go back and talk to her tonight?"

Frankie shook his head, knowing his sister had enough for one night. "I think you should try to go to sleep now. Get your head together for a day or two, and then talk to Maura when you're ready. Give yourself some time to calm down."

"Hmmm, maybe you're right, "Jane yawned, stretching out on the couch. Frankie went to get a pillow and a blanket for his sister, but when he got back, she was already deep asleep. He gently put the blanket over Jane, and stood there looking at her for a moment.

They all had lost someone that day, Frankie included. The difference was that even though the loss hurt him too, he had been able to let it go, give it a place in his life. But not Jane, the detective couldn't let it go. It wasn't her that pulled the trigger that day, but she blamed herself as if she did. Why did she have to be so hard on herself?

The next morning Jane got up and stretched her back, loudly groaning as she did so. Sleeping on Frankie's couch was definitely not good for her body.

She looked around the room, wondering where her brother was. Then realized, he was at work of course, it was lunch time already. Her eyes fell on a note on the table in front of her. She picked it up and read it. 'Jane, get your shit together, or else. Frankie'.

She almost smiled. She knew Frankie cared for her, and she would take his advice.

She was still screwed up, but last night was a wake up call for her.

Waking up sober, her thoughts were a lot more clear today. Frankie had definitely talked some sense into her last night.

She wasn't delusional though, she didn't expect things to get magically better. She was still dealing with the exact same issues as yesterday, and the day before. But maybe she had just a little fight left in her.

One thing she was going to do, was try and get her job back. Work, she hadn't been at work in three weeks. They had put her on 'mental health leave' or whatever it was called until further notice. After what happened in the burned down warehouse, the psychiatrist, internal affairs and her boss had been worried about her capability to do her job.

But boredom was not a good thing for Jane. It made her edgy, with too much time to think, to drink. Too much time to dwell on the events. Too much time to hurt. So she had started doing things that kept her mind off everything. Thrill seeking, if you will. Followed by evenings of drinking in random bars, with the occasional fight when someone dared to bother her.

She closed her eyes briefly, she needed a break from herself. But she would change, or try to anyway.

If she could just go back to work, focus on something other than her own failings, her own shortcomings. Then, maybe, she could be better; do better.

Maybe tomorrow she could speak with her boss, and convince him to give her another chance. Even if it was just doing paperwork for a while.

But first she was going home. There were a few things she had to take care of.

When Jane got to her apartment, she realized she would have to make some changes. It was going to be difficult, but it was a necessary step.

She knew she had been hiding these past few weeks. Instead of dealing with the pain, she had been trying to numb the emotions with alcohol, yet in the end the liquor had just intensified them.

So the first thing she did was gather all the bottles in her house, and throw them in the garbage can. It wasn't like she was afraid she couldn't stop drinking; she wasn't an alcoholic. Neither would throwing bottles of booze away deter her from going out and buy more. It was more of a mental step she needed to make for herself.

To show to herself that she wanted to make a change.

Next up was to clean her house, or what was left to clean, since Maura had done a pretty thorough job of it already last night.

She gathered all her dirty clothes and threw them in the laundry.

When things were finally back in order, she was exhausted. She stepped into the shower, and cleaned herself up, then she decided to lie down on her bed, to rest for just a few minutes.

She was planning to drive over to Maura's house later that night.

Try to explain, try to fix things. Try to….

But Jane was out like a light.

When Jane told Maura she didn't love her anymore, it felt like her world just ended. It had taken everything Maura had in her not to fall apart right there and then. It took all of her strength to turn around and walk away.

Had Jane really meant it? Was there really nothing left?

The brunette had left her engagement ring at her house weeks ago. Had it already been over for Jane then?

Maura was so confused.

She worked in science, facts, and constants. Not complicated feelings and emotions. She felt so out of her element.

Should she have stayed and asked Jane for another chance? Should she have begged her? Maybe Jane was lying, should she go back and find out? Or was that just going to set herself up for more pain?

Should she fight for Jane; would it make a difference?

All these thoughts were going through her head that night. Never catching even a wink of sleep.

The next morning, upset as she was, Maura had called her mother in London, and Constance had invited her to come and stay with her for a while; get away from it all. So she had booked a flight to London that would leave tomorrow afternoon. But Maura wasn't sure if she should be on it or not.

Part of her thought it was for the best. If things really were over, she couldn't bear the thought of staying in Boston.

But was she really ready to leave Jane and their life behind her, to give up on everything they'd had together?

Maybe if she called Jane one more time. If she could find any indication that Jane still wanted to be with her, she would stay. She would fight for them.

Maura knew it was a romantic notion, but she needed to know for sure, so she called Jane's phone.

…

"Hey, this is Rizzoli, you know what to do."

Maura took a deep breath, disappointed that once again Jane had not answered her phone. She left a message, hung up the phone, then went to pack her bags. Knowing if she didn't hear from Jane before her flight tomorrow, that things really were over.

What Maura didn't know was that the moment she had called, Jane was in the shower, and never even heard the phone.

It wasn't the best sleep Jane had ever had, but it was the first morning she did not wake up with a splitting headache from being hungover.

She had slept a lot longer than she had planned, but maybe it was for the best. It had been the first time in weeks she hadn't just passed out from being drunk. Last night her body had just taken over, and she had slept until late into the morning.

She felt better than she had in a while. Her head was clear. Yesterday, things had finally started to make sense again.

Frankie was right, she couldn't survive without Maura, she couldn't lose the doctor over this. Yes, it was painful to be around each other, and yes they had a lot of things to work through. But she wasn't going to just give up, and she wasn't going to let Maura give up either. She would beg and grovel if she had to.

She still had to find a way to get her job back. Things would be difficult for a while there as well, but she would find a way to manage. She was never going to forget Frost, but she knew he wouldn't have wanted her to give up on her own life.

While cleaning her house she had done a lot of thinking yesterday, and she was willing to make some drastic changes.

Jane grabbed a bowl out of the cabinet and sat down to eat some cereal.

When she was finished she rinsed it out and put it away. She looked around her apartment; it was finally presentable again after the past few weeks, and she was ready to tackle the next problem.

She was a little upset she had fallen asleep last night, she had wanted to visit with Maura. But there wasn't anything she could do about it now. She was just going to have to call Maura, ask if they could meet, and try to explain, to work things out between them.

When Jane picked up her phone, she noticed the missed call. She dialed her voicemail, and smiled briefly when she heard the doctor's voice.

'Jane, I wish you would have answered your phone, I really wanted to talk to you. I spoke to my mother last night, and she asked me to come to London for a while. I…I'm confused, Jane. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. I don't want to leave you. But if you were truthful last night, and you really don't want to be with me, I can't stay here in Boston. I know the line will be cut off soon, so, call me. My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon from Logan International. If you don't call, I will be on that plane, and I'll know what you've decided. I do love you, so much and I -'

That's when the line cut off.

Jane looked at the clock, it was almost eleven a.m. She instantly dialed Maura's number, but it went directly to voicemail.

"Maura,...", was all she could say before the line disconnected.

"Shit! No!" Jane looked at the screen in horror; the battery was dead. In her exhaustion the night before she never did put it on the charger.

She threw the phone back on the table, grabbed her keys and ran outside. Then jumped into her car and sped off down the street; to the airport.

Jane was going way passed the speed limit, driving almost recklessly. She had put the police light and siren on, to try and speed things along. It wasn't exactly protocol, but she didn't care. She had to get to the airport, and try to find Maura before she was gone. Jane didn't know on what flight the doctor was leaving, just that she was going to London. She would just have to check every outgoing flight when she got there. But she was going to find her, if only she could get there in time.

"Move, Move, Move." Jane was raging and yelling at the slow cars in front of her. Didn't those people see the flashing lights, didn't they hear the siren?

The detective was still about twenty minutes away from the airport, when she came upon an intersection. The light was just turning red, and with how fast she was going, she couldn't stop, even if she wanted to.

It all happened so quick; the truck came out of nowhere. It clipped the back of her car, and sent it into a spin, before flipping over. It was as if the world came off its axis, everything was turning so fast. Jane was thrown around the vehicle for several long seconds, until the car finally came to a stop against one of the street lights.

In a brief moment of consciousness, she could hear people screaming. She could feel the warm sticky liquid dripping down her face. She could taste the metal flavor of blood in her mouth. Her last thought, 'Maura'. Then her eyes fluttered shut, and she didn't know anything anymore, blackness invading every single one of her senses.

A/N2: Oh no Jane. Thoughts? *pokes review button*