Chapter 10

After a short seven hour flight, Maura's plane landed at Heathrow airport. Her mother had sent a car to pick her up and within the hour, she was standing in front of her parents' home on Sloan Street, downtown London.

She had hoped so much that Jane would have called her, and stopped her from leaving. But there had been no phone calls, no last minute appearances. There had been nothing. Maura had turned off her phone before boarding the plane, and she had not turned it back on yet. It didn't work in Europe anyway.

Constance opened the front door and ushered a very tired Maura inside.

The honey blonde knew her mother was worried, that she wanted to talk, but she was just unable to do so.

After quietly sharing a cup of tea with Constance, Maura excused herself and went upstairs. After a quick shower, she put on one of Jane's old t-shirts and fell into bed. The item of clothing, still faintly smelling like the woman she loved, brought her comfort and pain at the same time. The devastation of knowing she had lost the one person she truly loved was almost unbearable.

It was the first night, in what she suspected would be many, that she cried herself to sleep.

The next few days passed her by as if she were in a fog. The misty condition in the streets of London matched the state of her muddled mind.

For some reason she was still hoping for a phone call from Jane. If the detective really wanted to, it wouldn't be hard for her to find the Isles' home phone number.

Part of Maura was just unwilling to give up. Whenever the doorbell rang, she half expected for the brunette to show up. But every time she didn't, Maura became more and more withdrawn.

It got to the point where Constance was getting very worried about her daughter's well being, and she called her husband, who had been out of town, to come back home.

Alexander flew back to London on the first flight available. But even with their joint efforts, neither parent was able to help their normally very composed daughter.

It was two weeks after Maura had arrived in London when she sat down at the breakfast table for the first time. Showered, her hair done, make up on; she looked like Maura again, albeit a few pounds lighter, and still a little pale.

Constance and Alexander first looked at their daughter, and then at each other, neither of them sure what to say.

It was actually Maura that was the first to speak, asking her mother about how her art gallery was doing.

They spoke lightly throughout breakfast, and it wasn't until everyone had finished eating that the topic of conversation changed drastically.

Maura put down her utensils and took a deep breath, "how much do you know about my biological parents?" she asked, the redirected conversation taking both Constance and Alexander Isles completely off guard.

"What are you talking about, darling?" Constance tentatively replied.

"I am talking about Paddy Doyle," Maura looked at both her parents, and quickly realized neither of them seemed very shocked by hearing that name.

"How did you find out?" Alexander asked quietly.

"When my half brother ended up on my autopsy table last year," Maura's response was controlled and composed.

It was quiet for a moment, both Mr. and Mrs. Isles contemplating what it must have been like for Maura to find out that she had done an autopsy on someone she was related to.

Maura wiped at her eyes, "would you have still adopted me, if you knew I was his?" she finally asked softly.

"Your father and I raised you, Maura. You're our daughter, not his." Constance said firmly, then shared a questioning look with her husband.

"I think it's time we told you what we know about your adoption," Alexander said.

Constance glanced again at her husband, and when he nodded she finally started talking. "Patrick showed up one day in my art class at Harvard. I thought he was a student. He had some talent, so I tried to encourage him. After a while he just disappeared, until months later when he showed up with a newborn in his hands. You." She put her hand over one of Maura's. "He couldn't keep you, his father would have killed you. So your father and I arranged for the adoption, and from that day on, you were our baby."

When Constance had finished explaining, everything was silent for a few moments.

"Did he ever tell you who…who my biological mother was?" Maura asked, hoping her parents knew the answer to her question.

Constance sadly shook her head, now tightly grabbing onto her daughters hand, "I'm sorry darling. We asked, but he wanted to protect her identity, he never told us."

At that moment Maura realized she would never know, and it hit her a lot harder than she had imagined.

Six Months Later

It had been six months since Maura had left Boston behind, and flew across the pond for what was supposed to be a temporary stay with her parents in London. But she had never left; never went back home.

After the first month, she had moved into an apartment a few streets from her parents home. She had now lived there for five months.

She was still confused most of the time. She didn't understand how a perfectly happy life had been changed so drastically in such a small amount of time.

There wasn't a day that went by when she didn't think about Boston, about her work at BPD, her home, friends, and Jane.

After the first few weeks she had actually tried to call the brunette a few times, but every time it went to voicemail. Then a few weeks later it said the line was disconnected.

Maura had been trying to move on, but it wasn't easy.

She was spending the majority of her time alone. She felt it was better that way, more comfortable.

She had considered going back to work, but it wouldn't be the same as working at BPD. So instead of finding another position as Medical Examiner she had spent her time tending to the different charities she and her parents supported.

It was earlier in the week, at one of the many charity related events, that she had been invited for dinner; a date.

It wasn't the first time she had gotten an invitation from someone, but it was the first time she had accepted. Her first date since her and Jane had gotten together a little over two years ago.

She really didn't feel like going; a nagging feeling of discomfort had settled in her stomach.

Maura was standing in front of the large mirror in her bedroom, checking her appearance.

She looked the same as always, her hair and clothes were perfect. But ever since she had left Boston there was always something different about the way she looked. There was something missing; perhaps joy.

Maura took a deep breath, again trying to ignore the feeling that going out on this date was somehow wrong.

Trying to shake her discomfort, she turned around and walked into her closet. She opened her safe. She still needed a few pieces of jewelry to finish her ensemble.

It took her a few moment to find the earrings she had been looking for. She reached for them, when her eye caught on something else; Jane's engagement ring. The one the brunette had left at her house that horrible morning.

Maura pulled out the piece of jewelry, and held it in her hand. Closing her eyes, memories of the brunette overflowing her mind.

For a few weeks after she had come to London, Maura had worn the ring on a chain around her neck. But the reminder had just been too painful, so she had taken it off and put it away.

Why did she see it again tonight? Why now?

Maura closed the safe, but held the ring in her hand.

She had to talk to someone.

Her mother.

Constance lived in London for most of the year, and in the last few months, the mother and daughter had spent a fair amount of time together, growing closer than they'd ever been before.

Constance had listened to her daughter, and supported her whenever it was needed.

So Maura knew her mother would be there for her again tonight.

After canceling her date, Maura made her way outside, got in her car, and drove the few blocks to Sloan street to get some much needed advice.

Thirty minutes later she stepped inside her parents house.

She found her mother in the kitchen, sipping a cup of what no doubt was an espresso; her mother's favorite beverage.

Constance seemed a little curious at her daughter's sudden arrival. "Darling, are you okay?" she asked with concern.

Maura shook her head, then opened her hand, showing the ring within.

"Jane's" her mother stated.

The blonde nodded, "I found it tonight, while getting ready for my date."

...

Maura struggled to find the words she needed. "Do you think I gave up too soon? Should I have stayed and fought harder?" she added after a while.

"I don't know," Constance replied honestly.

Maura sat down next to her mother, her hand still open, the object sparkling under the kitchen lights. "You know how many times I've wondered, what if I stayed?"

Constance glanced at her daughter. "You don't deal in what ifs."

"Exactly," was Maura's reply, "but I have been thinking 'what if' for the last year."

"So what do you want to do?" Constance looked intently at her daughter who had now closed her eyes.

Maura was quiet for a long time, then it became clear. "I…I think I need to go back. To Boston."

...

"Are you sure?" Constance was a little surprised, "I know you miss your life in Boston, and you miss Jane. But she never looked for you, she never called you, not once."

"I know," Maura rubbed her forehead with her hand; she knew all too well Jane never reached out to her. "It doesn't matter, I have to go back. I have to try and see if there's anything left. I have to know for sure."

"What if Jane moved on?" Constance asked the important question. She was completely supportive of her daughter, she was just afraid she was going to get hurt even more than she already was.

"Then at least I know. It's been long enough, probably even too long. But I can't spend my life wondering: 'what if' anymore" Maura looked at her mother, knowing she would find understanding there. And she did.

If Constance was honest, she actually did agree that going back was probably best for Maura. Her daughter wasn't happy in London, she wasn't really living at the moment. Just stuck in limbo. And Boston was where she had seen Maura happier than she'd ever seen her before in her life.

Whether there was anything left for her there, was yet to be seen. But even if there wasn't, at least she would be able to find a measure of closure.

A few days later Maura was ready to go. She briefly walked through all the rooms of the apartment again, making sure she hadn't forgotten anything. In a way she was saying goodbye to the place she had lived in; no, existed in, lost and lonely, for the past few months.

After she had made her decision to go back, she didn't hesitate to act. She had immediately started to make arrangements for her return to Boston.

It had been surprisingly easy to get her old job back as Chief Medical Examiner for the common wealth of Massachusetts. Apparently they had never found a permanent replacement for her; leaving BPD with a rotating roster of Medical Examiners.

Since her stay in London was supposed to have been temporary, she never really shipped any of her stuff over. Most of her belongings were still stored in Boston. So she had arranged for a company to remove everything from storage, and place it back in her home in Beacon Hill.

She had never been able to make herself sell the place. There were just too many memories attached to it. It had been the first real home she'd ever had. It's where she'd found her greatest happiness in life. A place filled with laughter, joy, and family.

The only thing that was left to do for her now, was drive herself to the airport.

She had no idea what to expect when she got back to Boston. She hadn't spoken to anyone since she'd left.

Would anyone talk to her, and accept her back in their lives?

There was no way of knowing until she got there.

Maura hoped Jane would at least talk to her, and just maybe they could rebuild something. Even if it was just a friendship.

She just had to find out. She had to know if there was anything left for her there.

Maybe there was, and she could get back what was lost. Or maybe there wasn't, and she could finally really move on.

And with that final thought, and after one more look around the room, she picked up her bag, walked outside, and closed the door behind her.

Maura was finally on her way home.

A/N: Thoughts?