Hello, first of all, many thanks to those who read this story! It means a lot and comments give me motivation to continue and make more frequent updates.
Still sorry for my bad English, I'm trying my best. Enjoy!
Warnings: I do NOT own TFP or its characters, I only own my OCs!
Chapter 13: Shattered illusions
….
Halo POV
"Ah! This hurts!" I struggled helplessly in Starscream's grasp as he pinned me against the solid ground while putting all his weight on me.
He wrapped one of his arms around my neck, pulling my head backwards. His high heel dug into the back of my servo. I clawed into the dust from pain while my other servo was stuck under my chest in a twisted position and I had lost all strength to move, unable to free myself.
"You are still weak," he stated in disdain but rather matter-of-factly.
"I know, I know! Just let me go already! You are snapping my neck cables!" I squirmed frantically and he finally loosened his grip then retreated and stepped aside casually.
I coughed violently when I sat up. Like always ever since we started training, I ended up being the one beaten. Not like this fact could have discouraged me or hit a hole in my determination because I had greater ambitions, but it still stung a little.
"I have to admit it's satisfying to be the victor and not the one being beaten," Starscream stretched and flexed his claws with a smug smirk and turned towards the scorching sun as if it rose today only to bath him in glory.
I touched my aching shoulder-pads and mockingly mimicked what he said.
"After getting beaten by Megatron so many times, no wonder why," I remarked and he visibly flinched, wings lowering slightly as he turned to look at me with a frown.
"I'm different from him," Starscream grimaced as if Megatron's name alone would disgust him, "I'm generous to you. He is merciless."
"If I remember correctly, Mercy is still on the Nemesis."
I really tried to keep up the pokerface but when he stared at me with that 'You really had to? Seriously?' expression, I burst into laughter.
"What? You don't like puns?" I giggled wholeheartedly and he threw his servos up in frustration.
"I hate them! Ugh, Knock Out and Breakdown have driven me up the walls with their horrible name-puns right after they arrived to Earth, I don't want to hear one more idiot coming up with such designation-related bad comedy!"
"You presented an opportunity, not me!"
Before he could have retorted, we were both distracted by noises of vehicles from somewhere nearby and although trees and hills surrounded the area we were in, there was a road on the east not so far from us.
"Have we been noticed?" I gasped quietly and Starscream flattened his wings as he listened carefully.
"Time to find out," he muttered after short consideration and left me behind just like that and headed into the direction of the sounds. I rose to my pedes and followed him with a hiss of pain. If an enemy was near it wasn't good timing because my body hurt. Wouldn't it be wiser to make an escape instead of running straight into foes?
While doubts rose in my head, we reached the top of the hill and Starscream cautiously peered out from behind a large tree's shadow. I hid behind him and curiously looked over his shoulder while bending his wings aside. Ever since that bath in the lake he stopped minding my touch on his back and although wings were still off-limit, he completely ignored me now.
"What is it?"
"A human military base by the looks of it," Starscream thoughtfully examined the hangar-like building where numerous military vehicles lined up. Humans in strange suits were running all around like busy ants.
Then a big scheming smirk crept onto his face and my companion chuckled darkly, "Heh, isn't this actually MECH by chance?"
"MECH?!" I snapped in awe and straightened abruptly. The ones who caught Breakdown and took his optic! The humans Knock Out despised so much!
"It seems they are up to something again. What a bunch of idiots," Starscream huffed as if our discovery wouldn't be of any significance and turned away from the base to leave in the opposite direction. I called after him almost immediately:
"Wait! Shouldn't we destroy them?"
Starscream looked back in surprise and doubt.
"What? You? Destroying humans? Isn't that a bit out of character for you?"
"These aren't humans. These beings are monsters," my expression darkened at the thought of these poor excuses of humans having pleasure of ripping other creatures apart in their wicked laboratories. They tried to make experiments on Breakdown. It's outrageous! No matter what species, what they have done is unacceptable. They deserve nothing but rightful judgment in the form of death brought by my kind.
A suggestive smile crept to Starscream's face.
"If I'm not mistaken you are craving for revenge, aren't you?"
He was left without an answer because I kept my mouth shut and glanced aside in denial. Maybe. Maybe not. The whole thing just infuriated me to the core. Ever since I saw what they had done to Breakdown I couldn't help but imagine it happening to my friends. No human would survive my wrath if they hurt Mercy or Crossflare. These little evil creatures would be better rid of instead of remaining a possible threat.
"How cute. But Breakdown has never been your friend. Why would you avenge him?"
"It's the right thing to do," I muttered firmly.
Starscream started laughing and I frowned at him in disapproval because I saw nothing funny in what I intended to do.
"Let me remind you," Starscream stepped to me, amusement still apparent on his face but his voice got more serious. He raised my chin by the tip of his sharp index finger, "that you are not with the Decepticons anymore."
My optic ridges twitched in irritation but I said nothing.
"I never forget transgressions," was all I replied eventually when I slapped his servo away and left into the direction of the base without asking for permission.
I would have turned the place upside-down weren't it for the helicopters that appeared from out of nowhere and the wind picked up around us. Sharp light entered my optics when they illuminated the trees where we were hiding. Great. We were detected.
"Vengeance delayed. Fly for your life," Starscream hissed while folding into alt-mode and before I could blink he shot into the sky like a bullet. Angrily dropping my original plan, I transformed less majestically and gave in everything to rise up as quickly as possible. The helicopters opened fire and I cursed quietly as I sped after Starscream way ahead of me. Distance grew between us and I strained my engine to work at full capacity until all enemies disappeared behind me. Phew, we outflew them.
Then an awful crack could be heard and I whispered a quiet, horrified 'oh no' and then things got messy. My engine gave up for some reason and I fell into a lethal free-fall. Great. My luck. My talent.
"Ugh! Just work already!" I did my best to turn it on again but my concentration was everywhere else as the world spun around me. This must be a joke really. Am I going to die like this?!
Clang.
Relief washed over me as I felt someone catch me mid-air and I transformed back to bipedal mode quickly to clung into Starscream with all my might, but happiness disappeared as fast as it came because the ground found us next.
With a series of groans and yells, we crash-landed and rolled a long distance until we finally came to a rough stop.
"Argh, this was the last time I saved your aft! You are in debt for a lifetime!" Starscream shrieked loudly and tried to push me off of him without success.
"Okay, okay, thank you. That was my fault," I hissed in pain and attempted to sit up, only to be pulled back by my wings. It felt like they were somehow stuck.
"Hey, let me go!" I demanded, pulling forward in a desperate attempt to get free.
"No, you let me go!"
"I'm not even clinging to you anymore! ...wait..." we settled in a back to back sitting position and I reached behind to touch out what the problem was. The more I tapped around, the clearer the source of the problem became. Oh no. No way.
"Scrap!" Starscream pulled away and I did the same but we only ended up arching back in pain because pain struck into our beautiful wings in an unnatural way.
"T-they can't be separated..." I huffed after long minutes of pointless struggle.
"What if we transform?" Starscream suggested as a last hopeful attempt.
"And what if that rips our wings off?"
Silence fell on us for a tense minute. Then we loudly snapped at each other and a long, angry quarrel started.
Crossflare POV
Knock Out expected me to quit learning after I curtly expressed my intentions regarding our relationship, but he didn't know me well enough: if I start something, I'm seeing it to the finish. So I turned up in the med-bay two days later, datapad in servo, ready for a new lesson.
He doubtfully eyed me at first, then extended a servo and took my datapad with a sigh and a frown.
"Have you read the files I told you about last time?" he asked while going back to his table, professional attitude and voice covering any emotion or personal opinion he probably had.
"Yes," was my short, flat answer.
"Then we shall look into the intricacies of the neuro network," Knock Out switched on the screens above his computer and a basic protoform's holographic model appeared above the table with the mentioned network's complicated structure highlighted inside the body.
I had no difficulty masking my own discomfort during the lesson because I was used to always acting reserved and formal, but Knock Out has always been far from cold. The chilling atmosphere made it hard to concentrate, almost causing me to question my decision about continuing this training.
Fortunately things got more casual in the next few days and slowly Knock Out's grudge has dissipated as well. I think he has finally gotten used to the new circumstances.
Breakdown would look at us questioningly sometimes but everything seemed to fall back to normal. I had the Synth-E project going, and medic training to fill the rest of my time and these used up most of my energy for a day.
Mercy made me worried on occasions when we had some time together. She looked restless but overall fine and I couldn't put her unusual silence anywhere. Soundwave seemed to ignore my warnings and I became suspicious after the third time Mercy missed a shower with me. It's not like we were tied together and she would have no choice but to shower together with me...it's just that I had this bad feeling that these cases had nothing to do with overwork like I first dismissed them as such. It might be time I ask her outright...
Coming to think of it, I haven't seen her today at all...
I joined a group of Vehicons heading towards the mess hall and I wondered about all the wrong choices of my life as I stood before the energon tanks. Without thinking much of it, I filled three cubes and returned to the lab, then went back for another three cubes and brought them all back.
At that moment I didn't care. I needed some mood-lifting high-grade even if I wasn't allowed to drink while on duty. I worked my way through each cube until I was pleased with the brightly shining color and the taste, then I dropped myself in a comfy chair and started sipping the first cube, savoring my beverage contentedly.
At least this is good. The only good thing I can get nowadays anyway. Am I getting depressed? Perhaps I shouldn't have made so much high-grade. If I get drunk on duty, who knows what punishment I will get. But will that scare me off?
Of course not.
I placed the first cube down and took the next while my optics focused back on the text written on the display of my datapad. Another medical file I had to go through for the next day's lesson. It was hard to concentrate on what I was reading.
Again. I'm thinking of Knock Out again.
But how can I not when he is all over the place and our jobs are intertwined? I hated him for pursuing me for this long and I hated myself for turning him down. I really shouldn't.
And Mercy... I hated myself for not paying enough attention to her. She needed me much more than what I was providing right now.
But I have been a mess for a good while now and my conflicted feelings began to drive me crazy. It was time I drowned them all.
Halo POV
"Left, right, left right, left, righ-OUCH!" I screamed as his heel accidentally hit my ped and we halted our foolish and graceless march.
"I told you it won't work! We can't walk like this!" Starscream growled in irritation.
"Okay, then we should try something else..."
"I had enough! I will carry you on my back and I won't care about your whining!" he leaned forward abruptly and I got lifted from the ground. I gasped in surprise, wincing from the pain striking my wings. Starscream folded his servos under my thighs, ignoring my complaints.
"You are touching my aft!" I whined.
"Get over it," he rolled his optics.
"If I could take a proper look on our wings and see the problem I would handle it," I sighed in defeat and crossed my arms in a sulking manner.
"You think I wouldn't? This position is too humiliating to my liking," Starscream huffed in annoyance.
We traveled in silence for a while, my companion doing all the walking while I let myself be carried. I have to admit, he has quite the stamina because he was bearing my weight rather easily.
"Hm, now that we are so close, won't you keep me entertained?" I broke the silence first.
"Me? You should be the one doing it and prove that you are worth the trouble at all!"
"I'm absolutely worth it. You have company at least!" I pointed out and tried to stay positive.
"A very annoying company."
"But at least you are not bored. Imagine how lonely and dull your days would be without me! Who would you talk to then?"
"Myself."
"Oh, come on. I have lovely wings, pretty optics, good humor, I'm brave and sassy and I'm not afraid of challenges. I have everything that's needed in my opinion. I make a damn good ally and company!"
"Oh Primus, give me patience..." Starscream raised his gaze at the sky dramatically and I burst into laughter.
"Haha. You know it's true! You like me!" I dropped my head on the top of his with a suggestive grin.
"No, I don't."
There was a smile in that reply, I could feel it.
"Liar," I whispered mischievously.
"Hm, you think you know me, femme?" Starscream scoffed.
"I don't know you well, but here I've got all the time in the universe to learn everything!"
"Please keep yourself out of my life."
"I'm already in."
"Argh...you little...!" but he found no insult effective enough to break my optimism and nothing could wipe that triumphant grin off my face. Except his next nasty move when he grabbed my rear and I jumped with a shriek, kicking around loudly while he giggled on malevolently behind my back.
"QUIT TOUCHING MY AFT! STARSCREAM LET IT GO IMMEDIATELY!"
Crossflare POV
I sat with a foggy mind, all six cubes emptied on the counter beside me. My servo barely held the datapad and I had no idea what was written on it. The euphoria of the well-needed high-grade has already vanished, leaving nothing but a void behind and all I could think of was the exact same void inside of my chest.
Sidewire...
I wanted to purge it all.
An opening door sounded in the distance but it didn't register in my processor. I was swaying with my emotions, letting dark thoughts envelop and bury me like the waves of a wild ocean. I shouldn't have drunk so much... Maybe I should take some medicine to prevent a hangover...
"Crossflare, I know you are not a fan of the topic but we have to go through your compulsory check-up. Will you come this time?" Knock Out's voice.
"Of course, just one minute..." I muttered absent-mindedly and threw the datapad on the counter.
"Uh...for real?" the mech sounded shocked and I saw his figure approach slowly and hesitantly.
"Yes, yes..." I groaned and rubbed my optics, trying to clear my aching processor.
"Well, that's...quite an unexpected turn. What changed your mind...?"
Thud.
I landed face-first on the floor after a failed attempt of standing up. Knock Out had no idea what happened at first, then he rushed to my side and helped me sit.
"What the...you are drunk," he gasped.
"Don't worry, I'm sober," I assured him, gaze unfocused.
"Tell this to someone who is blind. Look at you! Argh, examination delayed," he growled in annoyance but I shook my head fervently and rose to my pedes rather clumsily.
"Let's get it over with. I had enough of...enough of..."
"Crossflare you are in no condition to do anything!"
"Lets go," I headed out without minding him and Knock Out ran after me while feverishly gesturing and telling me to stop and explain myself. I gave nonsense answers of course and he grew all the more impatient and angry.
Breakdown stared at me with a perplexed expression when I entered the med-bay in the miserable state I was in and after seeing Knock Out's tantrum, he saw it better to leave the room as quickly as possible.
"Sit there!" the medic ordered, not happy with how this turned out but now intent on grabbing the opportunity to update my medical files as long as I'm unusually cooperative.
I obeyed him and sat up on the medical berth, absent gaze wandering all around and head aching like pit.
"Now all the results will be altered thanks to the amount of high-grade running through your tubes," Knock Out muttered in frustration and completed a series of scans.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, voice wavering. The mech looked up from the results on the display and frowned.
"I'm so sorry for everything."
"Why are you apologizing?" he asked questioningly, then turned his attention back to the readings.
"It's better like this isn't it? I would keep letting you down," I continued my monologue while sadly looking him in the optic, and he frowned even deeper.
"Why do you keep saying that?"
"Because it's true," I sighed, "I've let so many bad things happen to my friends in the past. Then I let Halo get lost. And Mercy...I hold so many secrets...I don't deserve their care. Nor their trust or friendship. I'm a bad friend. A bad person. I should've died with him."
"Him?" Knock Out turned from the screens and walked up behind my back to take a look at my tires and see if rust had returned but fortunately not.
"My life makes no sense ever since. Things aren't the same. Before he came, I was nothing. After he went, I'm nothing again. Or even less than before."
"You are talking nonsense Crossflare because you are drunk," Knock Out hooked me up to the machines hanging above the medical table and took a sample of energon from my arm joint.
"Don't you believe me?" I whispered, close to crying but I didn't know why. Either because of the sudden flood of memories, or the remaining effects of high-grade. Or both.
"I believe you," he raised both of his servos in a placating manner, too afraid of an outburst of mine, be it wrathful or hysterical.
"No, you don't. I don't blame you though. I was mean to you," I admitted, lowering my head in shame.
"Just-just wait here, okay?" Knock Out sighed and went to fetch another small and empty syringe, then he took a deep breath and gestured towards my chest.
"Would you please open up? I need a sample of your innermost energon too."
Innermost energon. The only type of energon that is born with us in our spark chamber and will stay there, out of circulation, untouched. It carries our energy signature and our own, original CNA, unlike the rest of the energon that flows through our body.
"It's going to be ugly," I warned him and he shot me a puzzled look.
"Are you going to fight back?"
"No. That's not what I mean," I vented out and looked at my chest as the plates shifted aside and light broke through. Around my closed spark chamber's casing there it was: the innermost energon required. But I knew well what had his horrified stare fixed.
"For Primus...for Solus...and Prima and the rest of the primes..." Knock Out gasped and gawked and dropped the syringe.
"Ugly, isn't it?" I kept staring at it as well. It was unhealthily dark, swollen and the energy it emitted was sickening. If I wasn't drunk I would have never opened up with a sane mind. I hated looking at it. I hated seeing it or feeling it.
But this was me. With all its ugliness and pain.
"That is...Lie down and open it up! Open it up quickly!" Knock Out demanded and I whipped my gaze up in shock.
"No! What do you think!" I snapped defensively.
"Open it up, doctor's orders!" he accepted no protests and I was forced to lie down on the berth and unfold my spark chamber against my will.
Knock Out returned with heavy machinery and connected something to my chamber's surface. After getting some results he pushed everything back to place and examined my spark from closer himself, all the while muttering inaudible, repulsed comments by what I could make out.
Then he finally straightened himself and went over to the screens, feverishly starting to type. I sat up, not waiting for permission and stared at the floor in defeat.
"Since..." he turned to look at me again, "...since when have you been living with...that thing?"
"17 human years, three months, one week, five days, six hours, twenty-two minutes, fifty seconds," I replied quietly. Knock Out's grimace made it clear that it wasn't good news. He typed again, then stepped away from the computer and walked closer to me, seemingly hesitant about what he wanted to say.
"If my results are correct, half of your spark is dead."
"It is," I nodded heavily.
"It keeps dying," he pressed and I nodded again.
"So you knew all along and refused to tell me?!" the mech snapped, "I'm your medic! I should be the first to know if you are dying!"
I remained silent, knowing my reasons well enough.
Knock Out angrily glared at me, then sighed again in an attempt to calm down. Then he asked again, much quieter this time:
"It's a dead fracture bond, isn't it?"
I nodded. Expression blank.
"There are other two signatures detected," he continued and I looked up expectantly, "They match Halo's and Mercy's frequencies."
"My amica enduras," I whispered.
"I have suspected that you are the third match. Their sparks also show extra two signatures. I guess it's an echo bond*?"
I didn't have to answer to confirm that fact and I knew well what the following question would be.
"They keep you alive, don't they?"
The question hung in the air heavily as tears entered my optics. They didn't know. None of them.
"Crossflare! Crossflare wake up! Come on!" Halo shrieked hysterically over my still, unconscious body. The air in the small escape pod has become suffocating ever since we departed from the ship and Sidewire disappeared from my sight, then his spark vanished out of existence and took half of mine with him.
After crying and howling for what felt like eternity, my body had fallen into a comatose state and my consciousness slipped away. My life seemed to follow it very soon. The shock, the death of the bond, the loss of the connection proved to be too much for me to handle...I was about to follow my bondmate into the Allspark.
Weren't it for a desperate Mercy and a determined Halo to try something, a last attempt to save me before my light goes out. I felt nothing when they tore my chest open with tear filled optics, pleading me not to go yet, to stay with them. They were scared kids seeking a way to bring me back from the edge of death because for them, I was the only shield, their guide and family.
Upon my dying spark, they gifted me with the light and life of theirs in a bond of amica enduras, friendship for a lifetime through good and bad. The energy that hit me through them pulled me back to the living. I was alive. I felt everything again.
They were clinging to me when my consciousness returned like lightning from the sky. They cried loudly against my frame and cradled me in a tight embrace, whispering and whimpering incoherent words and thanking Primus for being merciful to them. To me.
Their sparks saved me that day. And their energy has granted me life ever since.
"I'm so selfish!" I hit a servo on the berth, tears flowing like waterfalls, "They don't know I live from them! Like a parasite! Unless they are close to me, my spark can't support itself, I need them...! I need them to be close...I don't want to die..."
"Crossflare," Knock Out spoke up, trying to stop me, and I raised my gaze upon him, begging.
"...I would be better off dead...but I don't want to die...not yet."
"That's enough," he stepped to me, visibly shaken by my display, and closed my chest back manually, carefully, "You are drunk. I will give you antidepressants."
Halo POV
I squirmed uncomfortably all night. Recharging was almost impossible in this position thanks to the constant pain in my back and my beautiful wings. After miles of exhausting walk (okay Starscream did all the walking, not me) we stopped in the middle of a huge forest and searched for shelter. If anyone saw us like this, we would have been laughed at. Even I admitted the hilarity of the situation.
From right behind me, I heard Starscream's systems humming quietly, something I grew fond of. Tonight he looked peaceful. I was convinced he was too exhausted to care about his aching wings. I started to pity him for having to bear with me all the time. I was a walking troublemaking machine and quite literally.
"Hm, I have to prove myself somehow..." I mused restlessly. I shifted again and a little click could be heard. My optics widened and I continued to move my wings upwards. Not good. I tried to move it around in different positions until another click and a hiss signed that I was on the right track.
Ooooh, yes! My wings separated from his without much trouble and I could barely believe my insane luck.
"Success!" I hissed quietly in joy.
The first thing I did was sit up, then stretched my body and fluttered my wings in delight. What a mesmerizing feeling!
I glanced back and noted that Starscream didn't even notice a thing. He will definitely be surprised tomorrow morning! My mouth curved into a wicked smile as I approached him and pressed a servo lightly on the surface of his outer wing. They all closed together and relaxed. I was sure he felt a little residual pain just like me and I gently petted the wing before quickly retreating as if I'd committed an evil deed. Starscream snorted in his dream but didn't wake up and I couldn't help but giggle inwardly. He could be so adorable when not acting like a jerk.
After minutes of absently watching him recharge for no exact reason aside from feeling content just by seeing him rest, I curled up beside him a little bit closer than usual. Finally, I managed to close my optics again.
I was woken up by a push and an impatient growl in the morning.
"Wake up! Wake up you useless scrap! It's time to go!"
My optics opened slightly, blinded by the sunlight. Starscream stomped a ped just to hurry me and I yawned loudly when I sat up and stretched my arms.
"What's with the rush? Did we miss the bus?" I rubbed my optics.
"We have wasted lots of time so we have to go faster today."
He didn't even question how we managed to separate our wings, as if the stuck-together accident had never happened.
Starscream walked farther down the hill and checked the area ahead. It was quiet, save from chirps and various noises of the forest that I already grew used to. I sleepily rose to my pedes and dusted myself before I went to follow him.
"Do you plan to fly?" I asked, a small hope evident in my voice.
"You need to learn so the answer is yes. Now transform and do a circle around this territory as a warm up!" he pointed towards the sky and I obeyed with a pout. Can't he ask nicely once in a while?
With a series of clicks and shifting sounds, I transformed into my jet mode and took off. For the very first time, it was awesome. The feeling of freedom, the wind, the speed... Halo, focus!
Concentrating very hard, I did my best to maneuver perfectly but I still lacked elegance. Unlike Starscream, who was perfection itself given form. The word 'envy' didn't describe my feelings when I saw him fly. His form was just purely beautiful and breathtaking. I wished I could fly at his level sometime in the future. Maybe he would even say a compliment.
What a stupid thought.
My landing improved because I managed to land on my pedes even if not as gracefully as Starscream. He was standing with folded arms where I left him, and impatiently tapping a ped on the ground.
"Finally! I almost thought you crashed somewhere."
"You are so mean," I stuck my glossa out, "It's your turn!"
The mech straightened himself, smirked as if ready to present the best show of his life, then folded into his alt-mode and rose high.
"Let me show you how it's done!"
I rolled my optics and followed him back to the sky. We made a few large turns and switched to comm-link communication due to distances. Starscream was on the front and my job was to imitate him, like previously when he showed tricks in the air.
I mimicked the sharp turns, the dives, transformation in air forth and back, and such. But that spectacular drill he just did was too much for me and I stopped in the air, hovering helplessly as I watched him return to me in confusion.
"What are you lazing around for? I told you to imitate me!"
"I know, I know! But...I don't think I'm ready to spin like that. It looks too extravagant and difficult for me."
"Oooh..." Starscream cooed in a mocking tone, "Are you just not afraid? I can't recognize you, Halo. If I say you can do it, then do it."
He was challenging me. Even if my rational side urged me to retreat, I wasn't the type to back away from a challenge.
And I did it. Right, I got dizzy and almost fell into a free-fall at the end but I did it!
The next try was better. Each of our training improved my skills with visible results. I learned how to change speed swiftly without my engine giving up on me, how to transform in midair and back, how to stop suddenly, how to make the drill properly, and how to maneuver between trees and rocks. There was one thing I wanted badly: making the vertical spiral. Starscream told me I'm better but not good enough to go that high because I wasn't used to the sudden change of atmospheric pressure.
We spent hours flying every day and Starscream didn't forget to complain about our lack of energon. The small crystals we came across didn't make up for the energy we wasted. He was right, but there wasn't much to do about it on such a barren land.
"Can't we just...steal it?" I suggested one day when we stopped at a cliff and had a small break from training. I swung my legs above the abyss beneath the cliff. A large valley spread below us like a colorful blanket. The sun was at its peak, scorching the surface beneath.
Starscream raised an optic ridge at my question, then got lost in thoughts while musing over it loudly:
"From where? The mines? There are too many Vehicons in there. It's too risky. Although that could be our only chance..."
"And the Nemesis? Once we find it we could rob it. Also...I would like to meet my friends again. I've been away far for too long and I constantly wonder how they are."
"Even bigger risk. But robbing the ship in front of a helpless Megatron would be quite a pleasure," Starscream grinned maliciously and I practically saw the cogwheels turning in his head. Uh-oh, he is up to something.
Suddenly his grin vanished. I tilted my head in concern.
"What?"
"That won't work. You can't fight well and your flight leaves much to be desired."
I felt like I'm just a nuisance again and pouted.
"Aw, aren't you just worried about me?" I chose to tease instead, hoping to get a reaction, but he only shot me an irritated frown.
"No. I just don't want to get killed because of you."
I laughed loudly at his answer because it sounded more forced than sincere and I stood up, fluttering my wings readily.
"Fine, you wanted it. I will do the spiral!" I stated resolutely, determined.
"Don't be stupid! You have been practicing only for a month!" Starscream protested and underestimated me as usual.
"Just watch me!" I stepped forward into nothing and fell, transforming with ease now after practicing it so many times. I rose into the sky with great ambitions. I wanted to be good enough and go back to the Nemesis and meet with Mercy and Crossflare... Nothing and no one can hold me back from seeing them!
As I ascended and increased speed, wind whirled around me and pushed against my frame, as if trying to stop me but I fought on. I had to concentrate. Do it like Starscream did. Yes...The first turn. And then do the circles, wider turns, continuous ascension. The risk was high: I could have gone off track and lost control. Starscream might not get to me in time if something goes wrong.
But I don't need him right now. I can do this.
I just rose and rose higher! Yes! I screamed in joy as my spiral ended perfectly, with only my spinning form at the top. Then I took a sharp turn and began diving back. My head kept spinning as an aftereffect but the thrill was stronger. I flew back to my comrade standing on the cliff where I left him, and judging by the stunned expression he wore, I did good. I paused to hover in midair in front of him.
"Hahaha, I told you!"
"H-how did you...? You've never tried it before! " Starscream was speechless.
"I had a good teacher!" I teased him, then made a circle around his figure happily, "Come with me this time! It was amazing! Come, come!"
"No way, I'm tired," he refused swiftly but I continued to nudge him until he resigned and flew off with me.
"Now be prepared to be beaten!" he yelled over the comm-link and sped forward, leaving me far behind.
"Oh, a challenge? I'm in!" I shouted and shot after him.
Even with constant bickering along the way, I liked flying with Starscream. He never ceased to entertain me. This time I chased him around and he couldn't shake me off. Then our childish play changed into showing off difficult moves and of course he emerged victorious. I pretended to be upset when I lost but I laughed in mirth at the same time.
"Hey, Star! Ever wondered why I'm called Halo?" I suddenly asked, my spark hammering in excitement. I had an idea and I liked it.
The mech pulled closer and questioningly tilted his wings.
"No. I don't think I had."
He had. I could feel it in his voice.
"Would you like me to show the reason?"
He grumbled something under his breath, but didn't tell me no, so I told him to stay where he was and watch the sun. He complained about it but I was already far from his whining to care, ascending higher with a racing spark. I can do it. I will do it. I will amaze him and he will have no option but to admit that the sight was cool.
A thick white cloud swam towards the sun, perfect for the performance I had in mind. It has to be effective and it should have a great impact. With an elegant turn I got lost in the cloud, away from Starscream's optics.
The mech was circling for seconds, waiting, then he changed back to bipedal mode and crossed his arms, carefully balancing himself in the air with only his engine working to keep him hovering. He was getting bored, watching the large cloud above and waiting for me to appear again with whatever I've prepared.
Minutes went by and he started to become impatient but I knew I needed the full sun. With my course set, I increased speed and cut the cloud from the inside, slicing horizontally like a sharp knife this time. I saw the ending and transformed in the exact moment I burst out of the cloud, arms and wings spread wide, the sun behind me, the world below me. I will never get used to such a panorama.
Way beneath, I spotted Starscream staring upwards, completely caught off-guard, and yes, he was speechless.
A beautiful rainbow colored halo surrounded me in full glory for a few moments: it was brilliant and the impact was perfect.
If positioned in the right place, with adequate lighting from behind, the alloy of my armor was able to create a phenomenon like this, a halo. This ability was my pride and joy that no one could take away.
As I dove back, still in my bipedal mode, I grinned like an idiot. Oh, I got him. I got him well!
"See? Do you get it now?" I giggled when I reached him.
Starscream opened his mouth and then closed it, unable to come up with anything. He saved himself by transforming back to jet mode and I followed suit a bit in disappointment.
"It was...a sight to behold," he admitted reluctantly and shot away as if escaping the consequences of his words. My spark burst in joy. He complimented me! Starscream complimented me!
"Wait! Tell me more! Did you see a full or a half halo? Starscream wait!" I sped after him, spark hammering in delight.
"What does that even mean?" Starscream sounded defensive but I didn't press the matter. I must be satisfied with the smallest acknowledgment I got out of him.
Then the mech stopped abruptly and I almost collided into him from behind.
"Decepticons!" he whispered in fright and pushed me in the opposite direction, "Hide! Hurry!"
I obeyed a little bit in panic and immediately set course to fly back where we came from. I couldn't see the enemy but I knew that Starscream wasn't playing around when he sounded like that.
We watched a squad of Eradicons fly over the sky but they fortunately haven't spotted us. Maybe because we were too close to the ground.
"Are they on patrol?" I asked quietly.
"No. They are...they are heading back!" Starscream rose up suddenly and I followed him in confusion and doubt.
"Wait, are we chasing them now?"
"We must follow them! They will take us to the Nemesis!" there was a smug, confident grin in his voice, I could feel it.
We quietly joined the squad from behind and they failed to realize that they were being tailed the whole time. I tried to make out who they are, hoping that I can recognize someone I know, but unfortunately I was unable to tell them apart just by looking at their jet forms. Blimey.
Sunset came sooner than expected, and when we spot the ship in the distance, darkness had already fallen upon us and I began to feel a bit uneasy. Will this plan work? Starscream hasn't come up with a fully detailed plan so we have to improvise on board. I nervously glanced at the Seeker on my right side. I had to trust him. Trust...what a stupid thing. It doesn't exist between us. Yet I have no choice but to rely on him for now.
I will get to see my friends soon.
Mercy POV
Looking back at the last month, I can't say it was the best for us. I mean, Airachnid is here and I've been having doubts ever since. Crossflare closed herself off like a shell and she is far less talkative than usual. Knock Out only shook his head when I asked him why and I had to accept the fact that there was something between them again and had no right to interfere. Breakdown and I were in the same boat, similarly left out, only guessing what was going on from a distance.
What troubled me more though was how Knock Out refused to tell me what's wrong. He said:
"Doctor's silence. I can't give any information regarding my patient's issues."
Was he talking about Crossflare's state of mind, or is there something wrong with her?
Now there is one more thing added to my 'to worry about' list among many others. Things became quite hectic beside our personal lives inside this warship.
Megatron's condition got worse and he started having seizures more often. Knock Out felt helpless, declaring that whatever Unicron's blood was doing to our leader, couldn't be stopped or fixed. Bizarrely, Megatron welcomed the news.
Soundwave and I were trusted to gather information about Unicron, all myths and prophecies regarding him. I have only become more confused with each file we translated from ancient Cybertronian. I had read most of these during my studies back home because I had a subject in Mythology and Folktales but back then I had no idea that I would once present these fairy tales to a Decepticon warlord who seemed to be unnaturally interested in such tales.
Megatron's optics dimmed during my long reading session in the Conference Room where he sat in his mighty chair at the end of the long table and I stood at the side with a datapad in my servo. I got used to these sessions quite easily after I realized that not much was asked of me aside from reading out our latest findings. I sounded unusually confident while reading to him. Only Soundwave and a few Vehicon Officers were present in the room, stiff and unmoving like statues. For some reason Communications officers shared these attributes in common.
When I finished, I tapped a digit on the display and opened another file, momentary silence settling on the room. I was pretty sure that before I joined, Soundwave was the one presenting information to our Lord, probably not audibly, but since I'm here now, Megatron wanted me to present and I always cared not to let him down. At least I can make use of my studies this way, it's time to put my knowledge into practice.
"Your voice makes me feel nostalgic," Megatron's low, musing voice sent a chill up my spine as I looked up in fright. Was he talking to me? I glanced aside and got a nod from Soundwave.
"Pardon, my Lord?" I asked, questioningly looking at him, then quickly cast my gaze down in respect. I could never see him optic to optic for long. It made me feel insecure and he knew that well and seemed to appreciate my modest behavior.
"I wonder why that is," he dropped his chin in his large palm as his gaze scanned me.
"Have we perhaps met before, my Lord?" I dared to ask out of modesty, although I highly doubted we had. I would have surely remembered him.
"Perhaps. Or you just remind me of someone. Although she was a lot fiercer and more inspirational...ah, nevermind," Megatron appeared to wander far in thoughts as if recalling old memories, then he just shook his head and beckoned to me, "Continue."
I tapped on the next file immediately. No questions, no hesitation. Only fools would make him wait. I quickly learned to be obedient and fast in order to be useful. Megatron liked these traits and quietly honored them. That's why he had very few complaints about me yet and probably because I was working under Soundwave's wings. Probably.
Days later, the prophecy that has caught our Lord's attention became a reality. The Nemesis had to leave Earth's atmosphere because the weather has started rampaging all around the globe. I was listening to radio transmissions, watched human news and got no positive theories regarding the planet's strange behavior. Earth was changing. And changing fast.
"I hope James and Amy are okay," I mentioned once when we watched the chaos through the windows of the Command Center.
Crossflare put a servo on my shoulder.
"I'm sure they are. Both of them are tough survivors," she assured me. But for some reason I couldn't believe her. She looked weak and restless as if she hadn't been recharging for a while and I often sensed high-grade when she was around. Crossflare was having a bad time lately and I had no idea how to help, especially now that Airachnid has planted this bug in my head.
What if Crossflare truly knows the answers to my questions? Why am I even afraid to ask? We are friends, amica enduras! Our friendship would survive through good and bad, wouldn't it?
The timing was probably not the best when I decided to give it a try. We were barely over an operation that almost claimed Lord Megatron's life after he allied himself with the Autobots and wandered deep below the Earth's surface. We could only stand and watch, hoping that he would return. Soundwave tried his best to keep track of him, but we lost signal.
Then Airachnid tried to take control, suggesting we abandon Earth and Megatron altogether. As the second in command, her words were commands - or so I thought until Soundwave beat her to the floor.
I remember gasping in awe, watching as he wretched control from her grasp without much effort.
Things didn't fall back to normal as Megatron returned though. He brought an unexpected guest along, someone I wouldn't have been able to imagine seeing on the warship before.
Optimus.
But we were not allowed to say that name. We had to call him Orion Pax, and strangely enough, he answered to that name. He had the most innocent and confused optics I've ever seen, and he didn't seem to know what was happening around him.
Crossflare warned me not to approach him because she doubted that I could hold myself back from telling him the truth, which would have been punished via death by Megatron. He had made sure he emphasized his rules concerning Optimus.
So I didn't try. As strange as it was to see him walking around.
I had other worries to think of.
Crossflare saw it better to remain in the laboratory and continue with her research until she was needed. At least she won't be crossing paths with Optimus too much. So I took the opportunity, deciding to stand up and have that necessary talk I had been previously so afraid of. Now or never. No more running.
"Hey CF..." I waved to her with a forced smile when I arrived.
The doors slid shut behind me.
She looked up from beside the sea of different bottles, tubes and cubes but didn't answer. Her whole appearance has changed so drastically since she ditched Knock Out...she wasn't herself. Just weeks before, I have started to believe that Knock Out may be able to give her the push that she needs and she looked more lively than before...now all of that has been thrown into the trash by herself. I will never get to understand why being alone is better than together.
"Is there something you need?" she put her tools down eventually, turning her attention to me fully this time. She looked tired. So very tired.
"To be honest...yes, I wanted to talk to you..." I nervously fidgeted with my hands and she immediately walked over to me. I was gently escorted to a table and we sat across each other on two comfy chairs. The table was full of samples of different versions of Synth-En and other liquids I couldn't recognize.
"Did something bad happen? Is it Soundwave? Or Knock Out again?" she assumed instantly but I continued shaking my head.
"No. This time, it's me. Or rather, us."
She blinked in confusion, then frowned in concern.
"What do you mean?"
"CF, you are my friend right?" I felt the urge to ask this and she stared at me like I'd grown two heads.
"Of course! Why would you ask such a silly thing!"
"Sorry," I chuckled nervously, "I know you are. You care for me like a carrier would and protect me like a sire would. I don't want to doubt you. Ever."
A myriad of emotions danced behind her optics, but her intense worry was the most apparent.
"It's just that..." I continued, "...that it came to me that there is something I don't know. It's related to my past, my origins, and...you've always told me not to talk about these to anyone."
With each word her expression changed drastically, shock and fear settling on her face as she listened.
"You know something...don't you?" I whispered quietly, my spark beginning to race. She knew what I was hinting at. And she knew the answer to it too. I could read it from her optics.
Airachnid was right.
Crossflare sat in front of me, stunned, speechless. When the silence and the tension grew too long, I was about to ask directly, spark hammering in denial, but she spoke sooner:
"I made a promise, Mercy. I had no choice but to keep silent, I didn't want to lie to you or keep something from you..." she whispered, taking my servos in hers, "I know what you want to know."
"Why don't you tell me now? I'm not a youngling anymore, if you think I can't handle the truth...I can. I surely can," I assured her, tightening the hold on her servo. She looked back doubtfully and I forced a smile.
"Please. I think I have the right to know."
CF cast her optics down, staring at our servos stubbornly before she shifted in her chair in discomfort.
"Your...carrier said I must keep my promise."
"My carrier? Luster? When did you two meet?" I gasped in awe, not expecting to hear about her from CF of all people. I lost my creators during the raid on Praxus. Few survived. I was among the lucky ones, forever thankful for my sire who made it possible for me to get away in time. I never saw him afterwards. Nor my carrier.
"She was...she was brought into our camp at the foot of the Manganese Mountains. Remember that place?"
"The sanctuary camp for injured citizens..." I nodded in disbelief. No way. I would've been informed if my carrier was there. The camp was built by ragtag medics, nurses and other medical officers who believed it's their duty to care for the wounded. Crossflare was among them. Halo served as a scout during that time, searching for survivors beneath the ruins of the fallen cities. She found me too.
"I wasn't the medic caring for her but she was feverishly searching for a femme called 'Mercy'. She was found a month later than you, her spark was weak, she was about to head to the Allspark. I heard about her and went to investigate. I told her I know you and she was relieved to learn that you are alright. She knew there is no way she will survive and she told me who you are, what I can't tell you and what I have to protect you from. Then she died while holding my servo, with my promise the last words she heard. I'm sorry... for never telling you this Mercy," Crossflare didn't even sound like herself. Her voice was strained, weak, guilty and quiet, her posture screamed defeat and her optics avoided looking into mine.
I sat there, clinging into her servos as her words settled down. Previously, I had expected to feel free after her revelations. I thought the truth would give me peace. But my spark turned into a hammering, unstoppable mess, a battlefield of emotions, confusion, doubt, realization and fear.
Crossflare saw my carrier die. And she never told me.
She saw me staring at her blankly, my processor out of touch with reality as memories flashed before my optics. Was everything I believed false? Were the people I believed to be on my side fake? Who can I trust? My best friend, my advisor, my second carrier kept the most important secrets from me...
"What else is there?" I asked, my voice broken by fear, "What else do I not know?"
Crossflare averted her gaze, ashamed and guilty but not holding back a thing anymore.
"Do you remember what the functions of your creators were?" she asked as if the worst part was just now coming and I took a deep intake in fearful anticipation.
"My sire was an Elite Guard officer. My carrier was a public entertainer like me...weren't they?"
"Everything is true about your sire," CF nodded slowly, heavily, "But your carrier was a special type of entertainer and as a bond-created bot you were meant to follow her role as the caste system dictated..."
Her voice trailed off and I let go of her servos, straightening myself in my seat, spark stilling as I stared at her with wide optics.
A slut. A whore. Whatever you wish to name it. It's your function, dear. Do not act as if you don't know.
"My carrier was a prostitute," I stated what was already obvious and my friend visibly flinched from the truth finally spoken aloud.
"So everything she taught me...what I learned and loved in my entire life..." my processor was now overheating. The dance lessons, singing, art and poetry, literature...all for the sake of becoming someone like her. It's logical since the very rare bond-born off-springs belong to the caste of their carrier...but my own carrier had lied to me my whole life. She told me I'm training to be an entertainer, someone who shares art in so many different forms, someone who will show the world talent and beauty, that I will be free to do it my own way.
"She taught you because she had no choice," Crossflare quickly interrupted, halting my desperate train of thoughts, "Your sire loved her and loved you but all he could do to protect you was hide you away and let your carrier train you herself in private. That you grew up in isolation, far from the abuse others from your caste suffered from, was all thanks to him, and your carrier. They tried to protect you from reality, from what would await you outside."
"And after I was ready? I would have been faced with the truth then? Given to slave-owners from high-castes who would then sell me to rich mechs afterwards? Why did they all lie to me when the end was inevitable?" I rose to my pedes, unable to sit anymore. Tears stung my optics.
"They tried to protect you as long as they could! You have been untouched your entire life and its all thanks to them!" Crossflare tried to reason but all I could think of was what Airachnid had told me.
Have you ever questioned why people like you automatically? Why you get along with everybody? Especially mechs? Of course not. Do you think anybody cares about who you are? You are disposable. But everybody likes an eye candy. And you make a very good one.
Is this the reason why most people like me? Because they look at me and find me desirable to look at? And Soundwave...?
I ran. Crossflare called after me, but I didn't stop. I didn't care. I hid in my room and locked the door. My vision was messy from tears, my digits trembling over the keyboard when I entered the code.
Stumbling inside, I saw my reflection in the mirror on the wall. I couldn't stand looking at it.
Crossflare POV
I regretted everything.
I wished I could turn back time, erase my mistakes and make everything right. This is why I kept things from Mercy: she was unable to handle it. Ever since I told her the truth she hasn't left her room. She was skipping work and excused herself with sickness but she wasn't sick. She was broken.
Soundwave has come for the fifth time today, getting impatient and more forceful each time he demanded to be allowed in and 'speak' to her. She turned him down and I kept him outside. Mercy needed some time alone in order to digest what has been revealed. There is nothing more I can do for her now.
I walked absent-mindedly down the corridor. At some point Optimus - or rather Orion - joined me, trying to create conversation. He wished to get to know everybody on the warship, and was very curious about what I was working on.
Seeing him act so out of character made me squirm in discomfort, but I did my best to answer his questions as vaguely as I could.
"Synthetic Energon?" he gaped when I told him about my work in progress and he was amazed to learn I was close to creating fuel synthetically.
"Yes. It's still incomplete, but I'm on a good track," I chuckled awkwardly.
It was strange. Our roles have reversed. The last time we walked like this I looked up to him and saw a noble, wise, experienced leader. Now I only saw an inexperienced young librarian with many question marks and unquenchable curiosity while he was the one holding me in high regards.
"And your work? What has Lord Megatron entrusted you with?"
"Decoding the Iacon Database. Many important relics have landed on this planet and with proper coordinates, we can find them. Megatronus...I mean, Megatron is worried the Autobots might use these relics as destructive weapons if they find them first," Orion was sincere, naive and open, like a sparkling. He reminded me of Mercy. Only if he knew the truth...
But I didn't dare gamble with my or Mercy's life. So I kept my mouth shut and smiled, hoping that this situation would resolve somehow by itself.
Halo POV
"I can't believe it! We made it!" I whispered excitedly after we landed inside the ship and made sure that every Eradicon left. The fact that we managed to sneak in without even being detected was a huge miracle itself.
"Shut up! Anyone can hear us!" Starscream hissed nervously and tiptoed to the door. We headed down the corridor and peeked out at every corner. Our destination was obvious. The supply-room, with rows and rows of energon cubes in there waiting just for us. We would have raided it immediately, but an unusual sight stopped us in our tracks: two guards stood by the entrance door. I used to work on this level but no guards have been stationed by the door before. What happened while we were away?
"And now?" I asked quietly, mildly irritated by the fact that we will have to get through those poor Vehicons.
"Leave them to me," Starscream straightened himself and stepped out of our cover without giving me a warning. I gasped in fright, my spark missing a beat.
"Starscream!" the Vehicons pointed their blasters at him the second they noticed him, clearly not as a sign of welcome.
Great, my dear ally forgot to fill me in with his plans. What am I supposed to do...
"That's Commander Starscream," he corrected them and raised his chin stubbornly. Oh...I see where this is going.
"What's your malfunction? Lower those weapons immediately!" he barked at them when the confused Vehicons exchanged a hesitant glance but didn't seem to obey him.
"I'm sorry Sir, but Lord Megatron ordered that you be taken into custody should you ever return to the ship," one of them answered apologetically.
What?! Why would Starscream be taken to custody? Is it because he deserted?
"What?!" Starscream yelled but quickly eased back as soon as he realized his pokerface fell for a second there, "Clearly, there has been a mistake."
I highly doubted that he would talk this out but before I could have stepped in, I heard a shot, metal clashing and the well known sound of Starscream's claws ripping something apart. My optics opened wide as I stared at the sight of the two guards now still on the floor, energon oozing from the hole Starscream practically punched into them.
Starscream took a look around like nothing happened then beckoned to me to follow him.
"It's clear. Hurry," he stepped over the dead bodies and entered the code for the door.
"Seriously?! You had to?" I hissed as I joined him.
"I had no choice, you know," he grumbled flatly and the door opened.
"What is it?" he asked after he noticed I wasn't following him inside.
"I... I will be back in a minute," I told him but he grabbed my wrist before I could walk away.
"There is no time to find your friends! What if someone detects you? You can't protect yourself!"
"Is that worry I hear?" I concealed my nerves with sass and he let me go with a scoff.
"Fine. Go if you want! I give you five minutes. I will leave you here if you don't arrive back in time."
I gratefully nodded and ran off into the direction where my old room was. The room I used to share with Crossflare and Mercy. The idea of meeting them warmed my spark but I knew I was risking my life. This was a stupid decision and I might pay for this if I'm not careful enough.
Running across hallways, I practically fell into our room after punching the code in and I was greeted by a sight I didn't expect. Crossflare was nowhere to be seen but Mercy was there, curled up in a ball in the farthest corner and she was sobbing quietly, miserably.
"Mercy! What happened to you?" my protective nature awakened immediately, I rushed to her side and she looked up in disbelief and shock.
"Halo? Am I hallucinating now?" she rubbed and wiped her optics, shaking her head when I didn't disappear and when she touched me she found me solid and very much real. How long has it been since we last saw each other?
"What's wrong Mercy? Who hurt you? Why isn't Crossflare with you?" I bombarded her with questions and she cast her optics down in shame. She was about to cry again but I shook her shoulders until she answered me:
"Crossflare saw my carrier die and never told me. Then it turned out that I was always meant to be a prostitute. Halo, nothing is the same anymore! Crossflare doesn't even look like herself anymore and I don't know who I am right now... Everything was an illusion, a dream...but Airachnid was right, I have to wake up. And here I am, weak and miserable, not a Decepticon, not a Neutral, not an Autobot either and not even the person who I thought I was!"
I listened to her with growing disbelief and I grasped her servos, holding her tight when I embraced her in a tight hug, unable to say anything at first. She whimpered quietly on my shoulder, asking many whys and hows. I didn't understand everything she said. How...? When...?
What happened while I was away...?
My inner chronometer ticked.
"Mercy, listen to me," I pushed her further but kept my strong grip on both of her arms, my optics locked on hers as she sought help in me and I was intent to be a support, "I don't know what happened to you, who said what to you, but I don't have much time..."
"Are you going away again?" she cried, fear cutting into her like a blade.
"I HAVE TO!" I snapped, frustrated and conflicted as I weighed my choices. My spark pulled me in two different ways: I'm needed here with my friends but I'm also needed by Starscream's side. The tension in my frame was overwhelming and I shook my head apologetically when I saw that I frightened her, "Sorry...I didn't mean to yell at you. I've made my choices, there is no way back for me. Let me tell you something and please mark my words."
She nodded, an understanding but desperate gaze meeting mine.
"I went rogue by my own decision. I saw many things and chose to be Neutral again. Yes, I left you two behind and for that my spark still aches but Mercy, we have the right to choose! Most of my life, I followed others and this war uses us as tools to feed the machine of hatred and destruction. I won't be a servant to anyone ever again! No one defines me, no matter what others say. You are no different! You can live your own life Mercy and your past doesn't matter when you start anew! You are who you want to be, not who others say you are."
Mercy's grip on me tightened, tears streamed down her face as she closed her optics, shaking her head and it pained me to see her like this. I continued, now unafraid to ask:
"Come with me. We can go back to our old days. We can live on our own, no rules set for us, no one to tell us who we are. Let's escape this madness and we might be able to outwait the war!"
I was hopeful when she looked up, wishing that she would say yes and take my servo, run with me. I know Starscream would complain of another liability, but I would make sure Mercy would be alright. We could make life bearable together.
"I can't think that way Halo," she muttered, "I can't run anymore. You followed others in your entire life, I ran from my past whether knowing it or not. I can't...go with you..."
"Mercy," my shoulders slumped, disappointment and sorrow weighing them down as I watched her, the brightest person in my world broken like a bird without wings to fly.
Who did this to her? What has transpired during my absence? I can't wrap my processor around it...
"HALO WHERE THE PIT ARE YOU?!"
I froze when Starscream's voice filled my comm-link and judging by the sound of his voice, he was in trouble. Oh no. Time is up.
"Is that...?" Mercy heard it as well and stared at me in awe when I nodded and stood up, straightening to me full height nervously. I didn't want to leave her here like this but my help was needed elsewhere.
"I'm sorry but I have to go," I headed for the door but my friend called after me in despair:
"Don't leave please! There is no one else I can trust! Halo!"
My spark skipped a beat when I stopped, my servos clenching into fists, trembling. I can't stay, I have to go. There is no other way for me.
"You have Crossflare, Mercy. Whatever happened between you two, please don't shatter my spark with the thought that any kind of misunderstanding you two currently have would be able to erase eons of friendship and trust just like that. You said yourself: you don't want to run. Then don't run. I'm sorry Mercy, but this is a good bye from me. We will meet sometime...eventually."
With that I was outside the room, running, denta barred and spark hammering. What have I done again? Why do I feel like I'm torn in two and how could I leave my best friend behind in a state like that?
Starscream's signal was fading which meant he left the ship and I almost stumbled over my own ped.
"Oh, don't tell me..." I gasped, running into the hangar and jumping out into the air through a hole blasted into the wall. I never flew without him before and it was pitch dark outside. But I had no time to list my fears, I had to find him.
I followed the faint signature with a quickly pulsing spark and I chased a trail of smoke leading into the woods. Not a good sign. I could only hope I will find my idiot partner in one piece. Just the idea that he could be dead by the time I reach him made me shudder in fear.
I was afraid to lose him, it was futile to deny that.
Crushed trees and a few scattered energon cubes led the way once I finally touched the ground and I ran around feverishly until I found Starscream. He was lying on his back unconsciously, resting against a large rock twice his size.
"Starscream!" I yelled and skidded next to him in panic. His left leg was damaged and leaked energon but I couldn't measure how serious it was. He coughed roughly.
"I shouldn't have left him alone!" I hissed, blaming myself for the whole incident. If I were there with him this might have never happened.
"Starscream! Can you hear me? Starscream!" I slapped his face from the right then the left until he finally opened his optics and grunted, batting my servo away.
"Stop it!" he growled and I sighed in relief while he struggled to sit up. I helped him carefully and he sourly assessed the damage on his limb.
"Scrap..."
"Don't move," I said and he frowned at me.
"As if I could!"
"Sorry. It was my fault," I cast my optics down in a guilty manner.
"Yes, yours! I shouldn't have waited for you so long! Argh...!" he caught his servo to his wound and groaned painfully, "I need a medic. Immediately."
"But where should we get one from? Knock Out is aboard the Nemesis!" I looked up at the sky helplessly and the ship was already lost in the darkness. It will be impossible to locate it again.
"We have another option."
Mercy POV
When I finally emerged from my room the next day I met Halo -who I strongly believe to be my hallucination- , I found the ship upside-down and Megatron was seething. I had no idea what was going on.
In the end, closing myself away for such a long time didn't help at all because the only thing that actually motivated me was Halo's appearance. I mused over what she said and she was right. Just because Crossflare tried to protect me from something she thought would hurt me, I can't lose my trust in her. She did as she believed she should. I can't blame her for not telling me the secrets she harbored when the ending result was this. I can't even recognize myself.
But I can't run away anymore. Whatever happened resides in the past and therefore I can't change it but who I am going to be, well, I can work on that. I must settle everything with Crossflare because she is still dear to me and I don't want to lose her. She is the only one who I can trust. Do I need more?
Crossflare was shocked when I popped up in her laboratory out of the blue and jumped at her, embracing her in a tight hug while flooding her with sorrys and apologies. The way she hugged me back, the relief in her embrace told more than any words she could speak and I felt stupid for not doing this sooner.
I was never angry with her after all. What kept me from her was the fear that we might never be the same way we had been before.
"It's okay. It's okay. I am the one to say sorry," she held me close, stroking my head gently like my carrier would.
Making up with her gave me much more relief and peace than I would have imagined.
"What happened here?" after we finally let go of each other I put up the question that has been bugging me ever since I left my room.
"You won't believe me," she rubbed her forehead with a tired sigh and I eagerly drank her story about an Optimus who turned Decepticon and helped us decode the Iacon Database and just left the ship yesterday when Starscream sneaked on board.
"Oh...so Halo was not my hallucination after all..." I thought, choosing not to tell my friend about it. Crossflare would not take it well and would only overreact, and besides, Halo came and went like a fairy who appeared only to help me. It better stays that way.
"Mercy..." Crossflare called after me when I was about to leave and have a decent shower I hadn't taken in about a week or two, "...is everything okay then? I mean, this change is so sudden, I'd believed..."
"It doesn't matter anymore, CF," I smiled, a first smile in what felt like an eternity, "Past is past. I can't help the way I was born but I am the one who decides who I want to become."
Crossflare blinked in surprise, then a gentle smile spread on her face.
"That's right."
I waved a servo and left, feeling fresh just by talking to her and saying what mattered out aloud. Halo was right and I will not run anymore, no matter what others or even Airachnid say about me. This determination put me back on track, or so I believed.
I hadn't reached the wash-racks yet when I bumped into Soundwave who turned on the same corner and was seemingly in a hurry. Startled for a second, I jumped back but seeing that it was only him, I eased with a huff.
"Oh, it's you. Sorry for crashing into you, I was not paying attention..."
"Explanation," Megatron's voice demanded from his record banks and it suddenly dawned on me that he had no idea why I was locked away this whole time and I shut out my superior officer selfishly for a week or more as if I had the authority to do that. I am in trouble.
"Um...must I do that now? I need to shower and clear my processor first..."
Soundwave stepped aside and gestured towards the wash-racks as if letting me pass and I nodded to him gratefully. Judging by the way he followed my every move with his gaze, he was about to join me this time too and I found nothing unusual in that, given that we have been showering together for a while on occasions.
If Crossflare knew, she would surely beat him up and then lecture me, but I already convinced myself that Soundwave is not one to take advantage of a lady. And I stayed resolute in that belief ever since.
When we stepped into the room, the three Vehicons inside quickly excused themselves like usual. They knew the unspoken rules well when it came to being near the Communications Chief and I wondered how CF doesn't know anything from the possible gossip that may go around behind our backs in the ranks.
I stretched my limbs as I headed to the farthest stall, trying to soothe the remaining tension in my body. There is nothing wrong, I made up with Crossflare, I got to learn my carrier died in peace and my origins have nothing to do with the present me. Afterall, I can't be something I never knew about, can I?
Today it was really hard to practice my optimism but I think I was doing alright. Halo couldn't have timed better. I have so much to thank her for.
When I opened the casing on the wall and picked up a sponge, I noticed the expectant stare of Soundwave who followed me but didn't seem to be taking my silence well. I wonder since when can I read him so expertly.
"Oh, right, explanation," I scratched my head and turned to face him sheepishly, "Um...I had an existential crisis."
"...for two weeks?"
I fiddled with the sponge nervously.
Soundwave was obsessed with learning information, including personal information you might not want to share. Well, there were certain things I didn't wish to tell him or let him know. It was one thing to accept my past and my origins but it is certainly a much different thing to share this information with him of all people. To be honest, I would prefer him not to learn of it ever.
"Yes," I muttered, turning on the shower tap above me. I must do something while I figure out how to present the truth in a less revealing way, "Sorry for closing you out but I just couldn't bring myself to see anyone. Not even my friend...I'm truly sorry for not saying anything. I guess you are not pleased with my behavior."
Soundwave stepped under the water and confirmed my words with a nod. I glanced down at the ground while rubbing my shoulder.
"These past few days have been a real mess Soundwave. I...I've learned things of my past I didn't expect to."
I felt his body stiffen beside me but I continued, focusing too much on what I was saying.
"All this time I've thought I knew who I was and then things I didn't expect were suddenly revealed to me and I had to reconstruct this image of myself. I'm still not sure in the details but I know I will eventually overcome my doubts. I must start anew and..."
There was something in his still body-language that made me feel alarmed. It felt like tension suddenly skyrocketed between us and I had no idea why. Did I say something wrong? Was he angry at me? My explanation must be too vague, not certain enough. But I can't tell him the whole truth...
Two servos took my hips in a gentle grasp but firm enough to make me flinch in alarm. My wings flattened out when a chest came in contact with my back panels, the heat of a spark sensible through every sensor in my spinal strut.
"What exactly - have you learned?"
Dread filled me at once. I've never feared Soundwave but he was starting to scare me right now. When I backed out of his hold and turned around with the intention to clarify his intentions, my way was blocked by his arms as he slammed his servos on the wall and I found myself flattening against it out of instinct as well. My thoughts circled wildly, spark hammering in doubt and anticipation of what was to come.
It just can't be.
Soundwave has never taken advantage of me. I refuse to believe he would.
"What are you...?" I gasped, my optics darting around feverishly. This was the first aggressive action I've seen from him so far and it scared me.
"What exactly - have you learned?" he repeated the recording with growing impatience.
I wouldn't have been able to talk even if I wanted to because all I could think of was an escape route. Crossflare's warnings might be true after all. Why didn't I listen to her? Was I naive again? Was I...?
Was Airachnid right after all?
Laserbeak's uneasy chirps snapped me back to reality. Soundwave seemed to ignore the minicon's protest or warning or whatever it was, I didn't bother to translate in my current state of mind.
"Soundwave, I don't know what's going on but I'm not going to talk about my past," it took me all courage to speak up. My voice wavered and I uncertainly edged towards the left where I could slip away if I was quick enough to sneak under his arm.
I was calculating, nervously tapping on the wall with my servos behind me but I actually froze when he retreated one of his servos and lifted it to his face. Expecting anything but that, my mouth parted slightly and my optics widened when the edges of his visor clicked and the mask that has been concealing his face all this time was taken off carefully.
Red optics stared down at me and I found myself gasping in awe at the sight of the face I've always wished to see but never thought I would ever lay an optic on. Soundwave had a smooth, dark gray faceplate, a thin mouth and narrow optics with two black lines framing his cheeks. One would expect rougher features, maybe even scars or a battle-torn face but I found none of those and for a moment I just stared in disbelief and shock and the question of why he even shows me barely raced through my processor.
His optics searched for something, I could sense it, but I had no idea what or what I should do now.
But my fascination was cut short when a digit gently touched the side of my face, trailing down its curve and my intake got caught in my throat. If I wanted to run I was surely unable now. A dozen thoughts whirled in my head and my cooling fans kicked in when Soundwave planted his other servo on my waist, his chest brushing against mine. Cold lips met my warm ones in a kiss that sent shivers down my spine.
Have you ever questioned why people like you automatically? Why you get along with everybody? Especially mechs? Of course not. Do you think anybody cares about who you are? You are disposable. But everybody likes an eye candy. And you make a very good one.
Please keep caution. I know you like him, but you can't trust someone you've never seen.
Soundwave has never taken advantage of me. I refuse to believe he would.
He did. I shut my optics, fighting tears, pushed him away with all the strength I had, breaking body-contact and in the brief moment I gained, I slipped away and dashed out of the wash-racks. Water dripped off my frame, concealing the tears that mingled with it.
Just when I thought my world would fall back into place, the ground disappeared from under my pedes once again.
*echo bond: binary, trine and cadre bonds are all cultural forms of the same basic bonding method, the only difference being the number of members involved - echo bonds are carried equally by each participant - it's shared between Cybertronians who share a very close and strong friendship (amica endurae) (- based on Kemmasandi's Book of Hours worldbuildig post)
I like cliffhangers because no one else does, hahahaha! I hope you enjoyed the chap by the way.
Also please leave a comment/review, anything is appreciated! T-T
See ya next time. :)