"Hisoka I understand that you had a hammer and that hammers are for hammering, however one is meant to hammer nails most commonly into wood. They are not meant to break other children's toys, nor are they meant to break other children's fingers." Iida told Hisoka very calmly.

At 3 years old, after roughly a year of preschool, the good people that ran the preschool were also running out of patience. It was becoming more and more common for Hisoka to be dropped off at Iida's office in the middle of the day.

Luckily this was the time he had set aside for paperwork and he was not patrolling or fighting villains, but it was still very inconvenient. He was on call after all. Where would he bring Hisoka if there was an emergency?

"Hmmm ok.︎ " Hisoka was as always unbothered by getting in trouble. He looked perfectly comfortable if also very small in the professional sitting chair in front of Iida's very professional looking desk. The child was smiling. Iida scanned his desk and quickly removed everything from it that was not paper. Pens, paperclips, and his name plate were moved to the inside of his drawer.

Once the desk was safe from curious children he continued.

"I'm not sure you understand that if this behavior continues you may not be allowed to keep going to preschool." Clearly no one had taught Hisoka that his actions have consequences and it would fall to him Tenya Iida to teach him right from wrong!

"I know. " Unusual intellect shown from the child's eyes. Sometimes it was like looking at a mini Hatsume, which was rather unnerving. Iida did not look forward to the child learning how to make things blow up. (Of course such a thing was inevitable, but he didn't look forward to it.)

Iida held his hands together tightly. The wind from his usually hand chops would send the small mountain of paperwork on his desk flying so he was having to control himself.

"Do you no longer like preschool? I know it must be frustrating to be so far ahead of your peers, but it is important to learn social skills and the preschool environment is most ideal to do so!" His arms twitched hard, but stayed on his desk as his words got more heated.

Hisoka shrugged, unhelpfully something he had certainly picked up from the Bakusquad as a whole.

"Your father works very hard. If you don't go to preschool where do you expect to stay while he is working?"

"Hmm. I think that I would like to stay with Sho-chan. ︎ " Hisoka grinned.

"Sho-Hisoka that isn't possible. Shouto is on bedrest at the moment. His pregnancy is considered high risk. He is most certainly not capable of watching you at this time." Another arm twitch. It is slightly painful to contain himself, but he would persevere .

"Sho-chan. " Hisoka repeated in a way that made it clear he considered the debate closed. Iida knew he was better than this. Hisoka was perfectly capable of adult level discourse, he merely seemed to find speaking like a child amusing. Not that he wasn't a child, but childish. He wasn't a childish child, expect when he was...that is to say that...that...

Hisoka fiddled with a piece of string in hands. Clearly bored. Perhaps Iida tended to overestimate children. It was a bad habit.

"Here I will get you some drawing paper. Please sit quietly while I finish this paperwork.

Hisoke did sit quietly. He dropped his pen once, but it was quickly retrieved and Iida made certain it was returned to him before he left with Kirishima. It did not occur to him that the pen had been dropped under his desk which gave Hisoka an unobserved moment near his feet.

Iida didn't notice anything was amiss until he decided to get a small jog in before going home. It was the perfect way to wind down for the day. He powered on his quirk, the engines sputtered in distress and he promptly fell on his face luckily not breaking another pair of glasses. (He went through them twice as fast now that Hisoka was a common guest in his office.)

Of course they were stuffed with the pink substance Hisoka was calling Bungee Gum. It seemed he would need to give Hisoka yet another talking to.

/

"Are you sure you want to stay with Shouto? He has to stay in bed so it's gonna be kinda boring?"

Kaminari Denki did not make it a habit to refuse Hisoka what he wanted as long as it wasn't harmful. He had only needed to distract Uraraka the once and almost run into traffic for his father to decide he should get to pick his own babysitter.

"I have cards." A very nice set of playing cards for that matter. His father had seen him spend hours making card towers before, but that was usually only when chaos was not an option.

"Ok. I mean it should only be a half shift. I'm sure Yaomomo will be checking in anyway. I don't think anyone's been leaving Shouto alone for long...so I'm sure it will be fine...just..."

Kaminari tried very hard to look serious.

"Just be good for Shouto okay? I think he's been a little off about the whole thing you know?"

"Okay! ︎"

Hisoka had unfortunately not really had the opportunity to charm Silva. This time he would endear himself enough to Illumi's new parents that they didn't mind him collecting their son and never letting him go.

He was really looking forward to Illumi's glorious entrance into the world. ︎

/

Kaminari walked into an impressive looking staring contest between a toddler and a grown adult.

"I raise." Said Shouto.

"All in. " Hisoka smiled.

"What are you two doing?" It looked like they were playing poker, but surely Shouto of all people would not have taught his toddler how to gamble?

"Winning back my candy." Shouto announced laying down his hand. Well if it was for food and not money that was okay than. Right?

"We are just playing a game. " Said Hisoka laying down his hand and gaining what looked like a grocery bag full of candy plus the fancy cheese basket Aoyama had sent.

"Huh...well I guess since it's candy it's fine?" Considering the room looked very not destroyed, Shouto was still in bed and Hisoka had not run off Kaminari could tentatively say that this was a success.

"I'm out of congratulation gifts that aren't diapers which I'm informed I must keep." Shouto said sounding resigned as he accepted a new hand of cards anyway.

"We can play for favors? ︎ " Hisoka offered. Clearly about to hustle Shouto for all he was worth. Kaminari could have and perhaps should have stopped this, but he was hungry after work and what was Hisoka's was also his so there was really no reason not to investigate the cheese basket neither Hisoka or Shouto would probably want anyway.

Kaminari was impressed with the amount of cheese Aoyama had been able to fit inside the fairly small basket. He didn't recognize most of the names. Was that a bottle of wine hidden in the basket? He definitely had to take that for safety reasons. Now if he could just get it open.

"I fold."

"Wonderful. I want to be here at the brith. " Hisoka made intense eye contact with Shouto determined to get his way.

"Ahh?" Kaminari hurriedly removed his mouth from the wine bottle top.

"Alright." Shouto agreed at once completely unphased at the proposed favor.

Hisoka smiled delightedly.

"Wait, what? No. Shouto, why?" This did not seem like a child appropriate activity.

"Izuku can't be here because he's getting his cast off soon and will be catching up on the work he missed. IIda will try to make it, but he stays on call most of the time so you never know if he can. Momo will be here of course, but I would like another person and Bakugou said no."

"Umm...I mean do they let children into birthing rooms?" Kaminari said uncertainty trying to find a reason why his injury prone child (self injury and injury unto others) should not be a room with any medical equipment.

"They will." Shouto said with confidence of someone that had burned down an impressive amount of hospital rooms without being arrested. "As long as he's being supervised I'm sure it will be fine."

"Err...I mean as long as I don't-"

"Can you come to the birth? Momo thinks you would be the best emotional support for this."

"Um...I..." Ah geez Momo said that? Your also supposed to give pregnant people what they want, but that is such a bad idea!

"I understand if you can't make it, most of the group chat is unable." The worst thing about Shouto Todoroki was that he was very much not the manipulative type. If he looked sad it was because he was actually sad. Damn it.

"Yeah...I can make it..." At least Bakugou wouldn't be there to laugh at his reaction.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it!" Oh boy...it couldn't be that bad right?

Narrator

( It was remarkably bad for everyone that wasn't Hisoka actually )

"Push!"

Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh why did he agree to this!

Bonus

(Doesn't really fit the humor and flow of the story, but I wrote a cute little thing about Hisoka's thoughts on his new room so I thought you may enjoy it.)

Hisoka had his own room and it was a marvel. They had given him a large room which fit his childbed, dresser, playhouse, and the white vanity set he was given by Kacchan's mom as a moving in gift.

She said if he was going to wear that much make up he may as well have a decent place to put it all on.

There was a chest filled with toys and another filled with costumes and props. A little bookcase painted with diamonds over-flowed with childrens books. He also had a closet packed with more clothes. Lastly a little side table was next to his bed. On it he had a pink lava lamp, inside lived a treasure trove of playing cards.

He sat on his pink covers and held the little white rabbit he had been given. It's fur was pristine and soft. It was pleasant to the touch. It would have been an impossible treasure in Meteor City.

Had he ever carried a stuffed animal with him before? Some horrid dirty thing, messing eyes and falling apart? He couldn't remember. He would have been hunted down as a child over this little rabbit. The children would have come out of the garbage heaps like rats to fight over it and torn it apart in their haste to have it.

From his first childhood he mostly remembered being alone. He was used to the hunger and the cold was such a fact of life that it didn't bother him. Living that way had made him strong. He was above normal people that hadn't lived like that.

He felt the rabbit's soft ear. He had also been horribly jealous when he had learned how other people lived. Clean, full, lives filled with excess and company. He had taken those things for himself easily enough, but companionship was always the hardest thing for him to gain.

He had been too old when he left to even consider making a room like this. To focused on chasing pleasure where he could find it. Seeking out the next person to make him feel alive. Illumi was special because he had lasted the longest under his attention. He was either hated and avoided by his obsessions or he was bored too quickly with them.

Attachments that weren't Illumi never lasted a year if he let himself enjoy them. He had to spent months away from them in order not to chase off or break those little toys. Ah...yes Illumi was his most consistent companion before this new life.

Things were different now. For nearly three years he had Father and Kacchan, Uncle Kiri, Aunty, and many others. So many people wanted to be called Aunt or Uncle by him. He had grandparents too. Looking around the room he could see the marks they had left.

Everything he had, he had taken for himself once. Before this world he could count on one hand the amount of gifts he had been given. It was foolish of him, but he liked this. If Illumi was really here than there was no reason for him to leave was there?

Of course Illumi would want to leave, but who knows how difficult it would be. He also wouldn't expect Hisoka to sabotage his efforts. After all, why would he ever expect that Hisoka wanted to stay?

Maybe Illumi would give up after enough years had past? Maybe without his family's expectations he could learn to relax a little?

Now resolved, he could enjoy himself a little more. The future looked fun.

"Hisoka? It's breakfast time!" His father opened the door half asleep still, but with a smile.

"What you doing still in bed, baby? I figured you'd be bouncing off the walls by now! You sleep alright?"

"Hmm. ︎" He placed his rabbit carefully on the bed. It wouldn't do to get food on it.

"Come on, slowpoke Kacchan's cooking!" Father held out his hand, but he held up both of his instead and Father obediently lifted him into his arms.

"When we're finished with breakfast Kirishima found these glow in the dark stars we can put on your ceiling. They look super cool!"

He was brought into the kitchen where they were immediately yelled at to go to sit at the table instead. He said good morning to Kacchan sweetly and was snarled at. Uncle Kiri greeted them both with enthusiasm and his Father sat down with him on his lap and ran his fingers though Hisoka's hair.

It was a normal morning in his new household and he felt happy.