Song: Natural, Imagine Dragons

Rachel needed some time for herself to recuperate, therefore she went home to her own apartment, by now so exhausted that even fear and heartbreak couldn't keep her awake as she simply collapsed into bed, immediately dead asleep.

It was good for her. Her body clearly decided to shut down since it was way too much all at once. Her mind was in a dire need of a break as well. She knew deep down inside that the way to healing would be long and painful and she couldn't even be sure there would ever come a day when she would not be wary of trusting someone again.

She woke up whole thirteen hours later, shocked that she'd slept so long, but it wasn't as though she hadn't needed it. On checking her phone, she spotted many messages from the team at the Labs. Few of the first were Caitlin who wanted to talk to her about something important and Cisco informing about the mystery of the wheelchair he'd solved. Apparently, it wasn't just for show as there was a complicated futuristic device hidden in it, on which Eobard Thawne had charged himself. At least she didn't need to think that she'd been stupid and he so in control of his body while they'd been together. He really had been running out of his speed and the theory was that he'd kept on losing the feeling in his lower body part due to using too much of it and being constantly depleted.

Next few messages came from Barry, telling her that Thawne had been hiding in the pipeline this whole time and also kept Eddie there. Right now, the first was gone and the second was rescued and safely back home with Iris. That wasn't the end, though. Apparently, the Reverse Flash had activated the particle accelerator again and it'd been set to explode. During the time Rachel had been sleeping, the team had been trying to find a way to transport the metas they'd kept in the pipeline. At one point, Caitlin and Barry had gotten worried that she hadn't been responding and she gathered from the messages that Barry had popped in very shortly to check up on her, but found her dead asleep, so he'd left her be. She didn't even feel like her privacy had been invaded. Quite the contrary, she understood perfectly why they would be worried and actually felt a little bit warmer in her chest that they'd come to such great lengths to make sure she was ok. She texted them that she would take the day for herself since they were busy with the metas anyway and if anything came up, they should just let her know.

As hours kept passing by, she found she couldn't really focus on anything or do anything productive. Many times she caught herself on drifting off in her mind and staring far ahead of herself with unseeing eyes, some kind of fog clouding her vision. Time flew so fast she didn't even notice when it suddenly became evening and she grew tired again, yet couldn't go to sleep since her rumbling belly reminded her that she hadn't exactly eaten anything. She also had no idea where to go from now on or what to do with herself. Hopefully, Barry would soon deal with his enemy and they would all cease to live in fear, but then, what? She couldn't imagine her future anymore. It was a blank dark canvas of the unknown…

Rachel woke up with a gasp, having just had a nightmare of the Reverse Flash lurking outside her window. Her heart was pounding like crazy when she got to her feet and ran there to check for herself, but she saw no one. Still, she couldn't be sure whether she'd really dreamt it or somehow felt his presence as he – while being a speedster – could easily disappear before she would even manage to spot him.

She hugged herself when looking outside at the city that seemed to be asleep and then she closed the curtains as though not seeing the window itself could shield her somehow. She knew it couldn't. She knew the only way to even begin feeling a little bit of peace was to get rid of her… what? Ex-boyfriend? They'd never officially broken up, but surely the relationship had been over the moment she'd found out who he really was.

She decided she wouldn't get more sleep that night anyway, so she could as well make a trip to the Labs and see how things were going.

Yet, the moment she directed herself to the bedroom for a change of clothes, her head felt like lit on fire. The pain came suddenly and struck hard, bringing a vision along. A vision so terrifying that she had the urge to scream, but all she managed to do in the end was to shed a few tears.

Not for herself.

Not even for Eobard.

But for Barry.

The vision she'd had while Barry had been attacked by Grodd was not just a nightmare, it was a real one. She couldn't explain why it hadn't stopped the moment Barry had been released from Grodd's influence, but it was real all the same – sometime in the future, Barry was going to die.

And after everything she'd so far been through, after everything she'd already lost, she couldn't, wouldn't handle losing him as well. She refused to even dwell on it and the feelings it brought because she knew she could not handle them.

Just then she saw a new text message from Caitlin, again asking whether Rachel had time to meet up and talk.

The Jitters barely opened when they arrived, the staff still groggy from getting up early. There were no other clients inside and the city also seemed to still be covered in the overnight dreamy mist.

Caitlin seemed very nervous and Rachel couldn't really decipher why. She had half a mind to tell her that maybe she should order decaf since her friend already seemed so wide awake and bothered.

"Are you ok?" she eventually asked when they both took a table by the window; finally a few early birds spilling into the shop through the open door, letting some of the chilly air in.

"I… I'm really not sure, Rachel," Cait responded, warming her hands over the cup of coffee she was holding. "There's… there's something I should've told you a while ago, but…" she came to a stop, biting on her lip. "I didn't feel like I should," she then continued. "It didn't mean anything and would only bring on trouble or… pain…"

"Caitlin, you're starting to scare me," Rachel admitted, feeling she couldn't possibly handle any more bad news. Eobard Thawne… Barry's fate… it was all way too much and ready to send her over the edge. And quite frankly, she wasn't sure she could ever recover if the dominoes finally started to fall…

"When you and Harrison started dating…" the doctor proceeded, "there was more to my… weird behaviour around you than you think."

"What do you mean?" Rachel frowned.

"I was avoiding you and our friendship crumbled and then… when you started coming to the Labs, I was avoiding you even more. It wasn't just because it felt awkward considering our history… There's actually more to the why."

"Um… What is it?"

Caitlin took a deep breath and blurted out, "I've been sleeping with him before you guys met."

There was sudden silence while Rachel was processing what she just heard. And she couldn't. It didn't seem to register fully in her brain because her mouth opened and nothing but, "What?!" came out.

"He never cheated on you," Cait went on quickly, suddenly avoiding her friend's eyes. "I would never ever do something like this to you. He recruited me and… and he was all tall and dark and handsome and eloquent and so, so smart. I naturally had a huge crush on him… Well, I used to come to his office in the evenings when everyone else went home and let him… um…"

"Take you on his desk? Or against it?" Rachel guessed, feeling sick to her stomach, the coffee tasting sour in her mouth and she needed to put her cup back on the table. She started shaking a bit, too.

"I'm so, so sorry. The thing is… I was just young, having fun, having gotten the job of my dreams and being… plain stupid. Thinking sleeping with my boss was a good idea…" Caitlin hid her face in her hands for a moment. "Then I met Ronnie and my entire world shifted and I found myself falling for him so easily and fast… So I stopped coming to dr. Wells's office and… then shortly after that, he met you and pursued you so relentlessly… I never saw him like this. I never thought he could… care so much about someone else… I never wanted you to know this. I didn't want to destroy what you had. You… you made him happy, Rachel. And I know how horribly and weird this sound now that we know the whole truth about him, but…"

"I… I don't really know what to say or how to react," Rachel admitted, feeling her eyes tearing up a bit. "I guess now none of this matters, does it?"

"I guess not. I'm just…"

"Please, stop saying sorry. We both know how frisky you were in college. You seduced me for god's sake." Rachel tried to make them laugh, anything so the pain would stop even if for a moment.

Then both of their phones beeped. It was a message from Cisco.

They had Wells. They had the Reverse Flash.

It was their move now.

He was right there, kept in the pipeline, ready to have a conversation face to face, ready to maybe give her all the answers she wanted or might need from him. Still, she couldn't possibly do it. She couldn't bring herself to just go there and talk to him. It was all too much. Whenever she imagined herself standing in front of him, her mind just went blank and she started hyperventilating. And if she really went to talk to him, there would be no room for any kind of weakness. She would have to hold her ground as she couldn't break. And she knew that right now she just wasn't strong enough, therefore she chose to avoid him instead.

She gladly let Barry in first since he was the one who deserved the answers to all the whys. He needed to get his father out of prison.

"Come on, Barry, ask it," Eobard Thawne, in the body of late Harrison Wells, encouraged, standing face to face with the younger man; only a glass wall of the pipeline prison separating them.

"Why did you kill my mother?"

The Reverse Flash was right. There was no time for platitudes. They'd been doing this dance long enough.

"Because I hate you," the simple and emotionless answer came. "Not you now. You years from now."

"In the future."

"In the future. Yes." Thawne confirmed with a nod. "We're enemies, rivals, opposites, reverses of one another…" He proceeded to explaining why he'd killed Nora Allen out of revenge when he couldn't kill little Barry and then, how he'd gotten stuck in the past and needed to create the Flash and mentor him, so he would get faster and faster to eventually make it possible for Eobard to get home. The more words flew from his mouth, the more disgusted Barry felt, especially when Thawne got to the part in which he voiced how proud he was of Barry and how he understood Joe and Henry now. That was a little too much.

"What about Rachel?" the Flash then asked, already done listening, yet still pushing. She was so traumatized that she couldn't even face the man. Barry didn't know which crime was worse or maybe they were both just as bad, only in different ways. Thawne had killed his mother and ruined his life and he'd also gotten Rachel to fall for him while lying to her and using her this entire time. He'd truly used them all.

"What about her?" Still, the Reverse Flash had the audacity to query.

"Why her? You can't honestly tell me that you really love her. A man like you cannot possibly be capable of love."

Thawne chuckled and Barry wasn't sure whether it was only to spite him or provoke him some more.

"You know very well why," came the ambiguous answer. "Deep down inside you know. I hate you, Barry," he emphasized while coming closer to his side of the glass wall. "All I do, all I have ever done is to hurt you… Yet, I can give you a chance to actually save your mother. All I need in return is you to help me get back home."

"No! That's out of the question! We cannot aid and abet a criminal like Thawne! He needs to pay for what he's done and going back in time, opening this whole…" Joe came to a sudden stop, looking for the right word.

"Wormhole," Cisco provided helpfully.

"Yes! Doing that just to send him back to the future… that's… What if something or everything goes wrong?!"

"And what if I get to save my mom, Joe?" Barry asked the perfect question, looking at everyone present in the cortex. "We have the Reverse Flash, yes, but how are we going to prove that he really killed her? How are we going to get my dad out of prison? And what prison can even hold Thawne? We tried to save the metahumans that we locked in the pipeline and now they're out there, wreaking havoc yet again! Yes, he killed my mother, but I can actually undo it. Let him go back to where he belongs, to the future. It would make all of our lives better. It would be like it never happened. Caitlin… Ronnie… you get to have your happy ending without any tragedies. Rachel…" Barry turned to her now, "you would never have to get hurt by him, because he wouldn't be there to hurt you in the first place.

Rachel did think about that. And wasn't sure how she even felt about it. At this point it was hard for her to imagine going on, not to mention the impossible idea of undoing the past. That was a thing taken straight from books. That wasn't something that actually happened. Then again, she'd just had a horrible vision of Barry dying – worse even - being ripped to shreds while screaming in agony sometime in the future. Maybe this way he could live. Maybe this way he would get to survive as well.

Yet, she still felt like it was a crazy idea in a pile of things she already needed to deal with and she had to retreat for a moment and think.

She didn't foresee Barry following shortly after she closed the door in the small adjacent lab she'd disappeared to.

He didn't say anything. He just walked over to her sitting in a chair and took the empty one next to her.

"Isn't it crazy…" she eventually started, "that I really do want to rid myself of this betrayal, of… him, but in the same time I am terrified of that change? I have no idea, no way of knowing who I am going to be and how my life would go from there… I don't have it now either after everything that happened, but at least I have you, guys."

"Who knows. Maybe you'll get to meet the real Harrison Wells," Barry suggested.

"Do you think I'm still going to meet you?" she suddenly asked and finally looked up at him and into his eyes.

"Maybe," he answered softly, almost revealing that what he really wanted to say was 'I hope'.

There was something in his eyes, something she couldn't quite decipher – or she didn't want to – and she needed to look away. She closed her own eyes briefly, immediately tortured by the vision she'd had. Maybe this would really save him. This could also save her as she wouldn't need to worry about getting powers she'd never asked for, powers that were more of a curse than a blessing.

"Do it, Barry," she then told him in confidence before rising from her seat.

"Would you like to…" Barry stopped, hesitating, but then he finished anyway, "talk to him? Before…?"

"No. I can't do this. I just can't face him."

Was there even something left to say? And just maybe, her absence would actually speak more than her presence.

In the end, nothing happened as planned.

Barry went into the wormhole and Rachel was watching from the safety of the cortex as Eobard Thawne in his Reverse Flash suit was getting himself ready for the journey when… Barry suddenly came back, clearly having decided to defeat his enemy instead.

That started a series of events that only led to more tragedy.

Caitlin and Ronnie barely managed to shut the particle accelerator down when Flash and Reverse Flash started battling each other. At the sight of the clear advantage the Man in Yellow had, Rachel forgot about her own safety and ran straight to the pipeline, desperate to help even though she had no idea how.

She would have been too late anyway if it hadn't been for Eddie who… turned his gun against his own self, taking his life and causing the Reverse Flash to let Barry go just before he was about to kill him.

Right now all Rachel could do was to stand still and stare as the face she had loved, touched and kissed; transformed in front of her eyes until she was looking straight into the eyes of the real Eobard Thawne, a man so different from Harrison Wells that it was shocking. Terrifying. Disturbing. It was a stranger. Stranger that had lived with her for over a year, that had made her believe he loved her.

She felt sick.

And the worst part was that nothing was fixed. In the end, Barry didn't change anything. They were all still here with the horrible memories of everything that had happened, having lost Eddie, a good man. Rachel briefly thought of poor Iris who was engaged to him.

Apparently, it wasn't even all as the wormhole opened up again and she screamed Barry's name when he rushed into danger without thinking it through. In that very moment, it hit her. It hit her why she'd seen him dying in her vision, why he would always sooner or later die – because of this. He rushed into danger to save people simply because he could, because he had the powers to do so. Powers he hadn't asked for. And that was who he was always going to be.

Sometime later

There was brief knocking on Rachel's door and once she opened, she saw a tear-stricken Caitlin. Caitlin, her dear friend who'd lost Ronnie twice now.

Only this time he was truly dead. Killed in the wormhole after he'd saved everyone by closing it.

"Rachel, I… I can't… I don't know how to… I…" Caitlin was bawling, shaking all over, clearly in deep distress and no wonder. "I see him everywhere! I see how he died! I see the life we could've had… Rachel, I can't do this! I can't take this pain anymore! I… I really do not know how to go on," she then whispered through the tears streaming down her face.

"I don't either," Rachel admitted, remembering the Harrison Wells she'd lost and then the vision that was still haunting her dreams. Barry was going to be next. He was still alive, having survived the wormhole, but there was always going to be another crisis and after Eddie and Ronnie, she couldn't bring herself to face more tragedies. She couldn't even bring herself to go to the Labs anymore.

"I… I just… Please, take it away!" Caitlin suddenly begged, cupping the other woman's face and then she was kissing her.

Rachel froze, completely taken aback, feeling the familiar and demanding touch of her friend's lips.

Yet, before she kissed Caitlin back, she moved away, firmly placing her hands on her wrists and taking them off of her face. "Cait… you don't think clearly. We've already gone down that road, remember? It led nowhere."

"It doesn't need to lead anywhere," Caitlin immediately responded. "It just needs to make you feel anything other than this. Rachel, please. Don't you feel like you're going crazy, too? Like you don't know how to go on anymore? The man you loved turned out to be a murderer and a liar."

Also, her good friend was going to die, Rachel added in her thoughts. It was something she couldn't bring herself to even say out loud. No one could know. Especially not Barry. But yes, she had no idea what to do with it all and how to go on. Maybe Caitlin's idea of some warm and familiar comfort was the distraction she, too, needed.

Rachel made a step back into her apartment and then opened the door wider for her friend to come in. Caitlin didn't need a bigger invitation. She kicked the door shut behind her and without preamble, dropped her coat, going for the kiss again, pressing Rachel against the wall and then her body against hers. Her hands were already under Rachel's shirt, cupping her breasts and teasing the nipples and then her hand dipped into her jeans and a finger was already in. Rachel could only open her mouth in a gasp…