Authors Note: Welcome back to this story! A longer chapter but I got Elinor and her mother plus Merida and Ian. Plus Merida and her mother! As always a big special thank you to MaidenoftheSummer on reddit for reading and giving me advice on the chapter.
Historical notes: Nothing in particular!
Cultural note: Nothing.
Please review!
The days that followed were a mix of adjustment and joy. The baby was a constant source of wonder and affection and everyone asked about his name, even though it's only been thirty-six hours.
Merida got plenty of sleep and had food in their room. Her exhaustion didn't seem to last long however. The lying in period was supposed to last a month or two. She was back to moving around listening to her body just as Vevina and Shannon advised as soon as possible, despite her mother and Grandmother Moira's warning. She had been active before, during, and she was determined to be active after the birth.
"He's latching on great," said Shannon as she went to feed him. "You shouldn't have any problems. It's been an experience working with you Princess, I hope I assist with all your births should you have anymore."
"There will be more," said Merida, confidently. It was funny, she barely remembered the birth at this point like she freaked out over practically nothing she could recall. "I'll call on you again."
"I'll count on it," said Shannon with a grin. "Good-bye and good luck. If you want to try again for another, at least give it a whole four weeks."
Merida grinned and waved to her good-bye as a maid showed her the way out. She watched as the baby nursed and then looked at Ian.
"We paid her really well right?"
"Naturally," he said, making faces at the baby. "So what did you want to name him? We had some boy names picked out."
She thought back to the names they talked about Lorcan, after one of Ian's grandfathers. Rowan, as she remembered the time she first wanted to fix her relationship with her mother. Alasdair after her paternal grandfather. Collin just because they liked it.
"I, I think he looks like Rowan," she said while studying him. His hair was a shade of darker red now, bright blue eyes, and full cheeks.
"Rowan it is," said Ian as he kissed his forehead.
"Rowan Finn," she added, "Just because I like it."
They watched him suckle as she chortled, the sensation was odd but she'd get used to doing it. The wet nurse was going to take over at night. The nursemaid they had hired also only worked at night until she resumed normal duties. She only stared at him as he stared at her. Rowan gripped one of her curls as she just let him.
"Merida," said Ian, finally breaking the comfortable silence, his eyes never leaving her or Rowan. "I love you."
"I love you too," she said as Ian gently kissed Rowan's head and then her lips pressed a little harder by just as tender.
His mind was racing too quickly to express just how perfect everything was. Outside the sun was shining, the sky a clear blue, and the gardens Annabel tended to in full bloom.
"I'm going to take him outside soon," said Merida. "You can't contain us in a castle for too long."
"I wouldn't want it any other way," said Ian as a page came up to them. He hated to hear the words out of his mouth before the boy ran away as disappointment crossed his face. "I have to meet Dad. We're supposed to finalize the plans for the harvest and discuss preparations for the autumn. I can tell him to go ahead without me-"
Merida gave him a reassuring smile. "Go on. I've got this for now. We'll be just fine here."
Ian leaned in and pressed a tender kiss to her lips before heading out. Merida watched him leave, then turned her attention to Rowan. She eagerly anticipated the day she could start taking him on short strolls around the castle grounds, chatting with him about the adventures he would one day experience. She figured she could probably start next week carrying Rowan in a sling on her back or chest.
About an hour later, a voice greeted her. Merida looked up to find her mother, Elinor, standing in the doorway. Elinor's face beamed with pride as she took in the sight of her grandchild, clearly excited.
"He's beautiful," said Elinor as she wiped a tear from her cheek. "Are you sure you want to nurse himself yourself-"
Merida looked at her blankly as Elinor stopped herself. No, she learned her lesson as she sat on top of a trunk of Ian's things.
"Let me start again," she said softly. "He's beautiful and he looks like you when you were born. I can't wait to get to know Rowan."
"Thanks," said Merida softly.
"Before you went into labor, we were going to take a walk after lunch," she said. "Or maybe we were going to walk to lunch together. Honestly I've forgotten the finer details. On that walk I wanted to apologize to you."
Merida frowned, confused. "Apologize for what?"
Elinor took a deep breath.
"I shouldn't have been so hard on you. My mother and I didn't have the greatest relationship, and I tried to overcompensate with you. I wasn't prepared to take the throne, and in my attempt to prepare you better than I was, I missed the mark. I should have focused more on what worked best for you. Your marriage should have been your choice on your time."
Merida's expression softened as she just listened and draped the blanket Una and Annabel made over Rowan. She didn't say anything, clearly this was something her mum had thought about and practiced. She just gave her the time to tell her everything she wanted exactly.
"When Lady MacGuffin told me that you haven't been reading my letters, she stopped mentioning you in her letters to me. I tried not to take it too personally, but when you didn't tell me you were having a baby right away, I realized I had to change. I want to meet you at your level because I didn't want to be cut out of your life. I saw your relationship with Vevina was close, closer then we had been in the last couple of years and I got jealous. I want that relationship with you back."
Elinor's voice faltered as she watched Merida peer in at Rowan underneath the quilt. Merida took a deep shaky breath as she wiped her face with her free hand.
"I'm sorry I can't stop crying," she said, as she wiped tears away with her free hand. "I thought the mood swings would end once he was here."
"Trust me, it only gets worse."
Merida chortled and Elinor breathed a sigh of relief, she used to hate the way Merida would chortle. Now it was like music to her ears.
Merida took a deep breath and looked at her mother with new understanding.
"Mum, the thing is, I have to apologize too. For being a brat at the games last year," she said, rubbing Rowan's back in a soothing motion. "When I shot for my own hand, I felt like I was losing control of my life and I needed to do things my way. I definitely didn't consider how it would affect everyone, and I didn't realize how much it would change me until now. I wouldn't have this little warrior if things had gone differently."
She gestured to Rowan, her eyes reflecting both love and regret.
"I was so mad that cutting you out felt like the only way to punish you. I thought by pushing you away, I could gain control, but it only left me with more questions and fewer answers."
Elinor gently brushed a curl from Merida's face, listening intently as Merida adjusted the quilt over Rowan.
"Ian once told me that distance might make it easier for us. That maybe if I experienced the same things you did, we might feel closer even though we're physically apart."
"That sounds wise," Elinor said quietly.
Merida nodded. "I might have taken it to the extreme, but I think I understand what he meant now. Mum, I don't want to push you out anymore. I had more questions than I ever thought I'd be able to write down in the last couple of months and wasn't sure how to ask. I want to feel closer to you now."
Elinor embraced Merida, her tears mingling with a relieved smile. "I'm so glad we're talking now. I want us to be closer too."
"Me too mum," said Merida as she started to hum a familiar lullaby.
Elinor glanced around the room, taking in the sight of her daughter's carefully decorated space.
"You've made this place so warm and inviting," she remarked, a hint of admiration in her voice. "Merida, could we catch up? I'd really like to know more about your life here that I never got to read in letters."
A few hours later, Merida and Elinor found themselves nestled in the cozy corner of Merida's room, the soft light of the afternoon sun filtering through the window. Rowan was peacefully sleeping in his cradle, swaddled snugly in a blanket, leaving them ample time to catch up. The air was filled with the soft rustling of fabric and the occasional murmur of the baby, creating a serene atmosphere that encouraged honest conversation. Peigi even brought them a meal as they watched Rowan.
They were finally catching up on the last couple of months. The stuff that she couldn't tell her in letters or was too embarrassed to write. Elinor was insistent that she could handle anything no matter how awkward or uncomfortable.
"On my birthday, Ian told me that he wanted to give me everything I deserved. Only thing is, I don't know what I deserve. I'm not exactly the same person I was back when we met then who I am now. How does he know what I deserve? How can he know what I deserve if I'm still figuring that out?"
Elinor's expression softened with understanding. "That's a good question. We change and grow throughout our lives, and it can be daunting to keep up with who we are becoming. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve good things."
Merida looked thoughtful.
"So-"
They could hear footsteps coming down the hall before a familiar face peered into the door.
"Mother, what are you doing here?" asked Elinor as she saw her.
Grandmother bristled as she took a seat nearby. "I don't think I could stand sitting any longer with someone as vacant as a flower pot. I appreciate Lady Dingwall in small doses, but I believe Vevina is better suited for her company. Your mother-in-law is one of the most patient people I've ever met."
They all laughed good naturedly about Lady Dingwall. As ditzy as she appeared she was very sweet. From her clan they brought a chest full of toys.
"Now may I hold my great-grandchild?" asked Grandmother Moira, "Please."
Merida gently passed Rowan into her arms, after planting a tender kiss on his forehead.
She didn't say anything as she just held him in her arms. Moira gazed at the infant with a mixture of reverence and sorrow. He had the new baby smell and innocence only someone his age could have. She marveled at his tiny hands, the way his legs curled instinctively, and the fine hair that she loved about this age. His tiny features, including the nose that was unmistakably Merida's, evoked a deep, bittersweet memory.
"You're very lucky," Moira said softly, her voice tinged with a distant sadness as she stroked Rowan's soft cheek. "When I married into the clan not expected for me, I was told I would never be welcomed again. I tried to prove to them - to myself that I could do without them - that Alec and I could stand on our own. Before I had your mother, I had a daughter named Aislinn. Her name means 'dream' and she was the embodiment of all my hopes for the future - my first child. But she died in my arms a few hours after she was born. I remember feeling like such a failure and I had to learn to harden my heart a little ever since then."
"Oh mother, I didn't know," said Elinor, reaching out to hug her as she felt the tears prick at her eyes.
"You're stronger than I am, my dear," said Moira, meeting Elinor's eye. "There were times where I wanted to give up and just had to push on but you never faltered and I commend you on your strength. I'm sure you and Merida didn't always get along but you never let that break the bond between you. You kept the family together, and that's something I deeply admire."
Merida's heart ached as she looked down at Rowan, the realization of how fragile and precious life could be weighing heavily on her. She couldn't fathom the pain of losing him after carrying him for so long. Moira's eyes remained fixed on her sleeping infant, her own memories reflected in the rise and fall of Rowan's tiny chest.
"I like to think I am," Merida said softly, their eyes turning to look at her, her voice breaking slightly. "Very lucky, that is."
"Elinor," said Moira as she looked at her daughter, as if finally seeing her. "I'm sorry, truly and deeply sorry. Sometimes I compare you to what I had imagined Aislinn would be like rather than see you for who you are, it was wrong of me. I should have never held you to a standard that wasn't yours to meet."
Elinor's eyes softened as she listened, trying to understand her mother. She wiped the tears that pooled in her eyes away.
"Mother," she said gently, "I know you wanted the best for me, and I understand now that your expectations were rooted in your own pain and loss. We all carry our own burdens and dreams, and sometimes we forget to see each other clearly."
Moira reached out, taking Elinor's hand in her own, a gesture of reconciliation.
"I'm proud of the woman you've become," she said, her voice choked with emotion. "You've faced your own challenges and carried them with grace. I should have celebrated your successes rather than mourning the daughter I lost."
Elinor squeezed her mother's hand, feeling a warmth she hadn't known in years.
Merida watched the exchange, wiping her own face with the palm of her hand, she didn't even realize that she was crying herself. Rowan stirred slightly in Moira's arms, and the woman's gaze softened as she looked down at the baby.
"Mum," said Merida, her voice sad as she tried not to think about what it would be like to lose something precious to you. "You lost babies too, haven't you?"
"I have," said Elinor, her chin quivering. Her face showed traces of her own grief. "I lost babies between you and the triplets," she said with a sad smile. "Most were early miscarriages; I had four of them. There were two stillbirths—one before you were born and one when you were around eight or nine."
"I could have been a younger sister and had more siblings," said Merida, taken aback, struggling to reconcile this new piece of her family's history with her own memories. She never knew about the difficulties her mother had faced, but hearing it so plainly now brought a new depth to her understanding.
"I didn't know," she said quietly, her thoughts drifting back to that time. It seemed so recent, yet the memories were veiled in the innocence of childhood.
"How could you?" asked Elinor, reaching out to touch Rowan and kissed his head softly. "You still would have my only girl, Merida. My first was a boy as well, he." She paused to clear her throat, tearing brimming in her own brown eyes. "He was going to be named after your father, but fate seemed to have other plans."
Merida wanted to ask about the other stillborn, her other brother, but said nothing as she reached out and hugged her mother giving her a squeeze. She didn't know which was worse; delivering a child to never live or live long enough just to hold them one last time. Glassy eyed Elinor hugged her daughter back, hoping that she wouldn't have to go through the same pain she had.
The room fell silent for a moment as the three women shared their pain and hope. Moira's trembling hands held Rowan with a gentle strength, while Elinor looked on with a wistful gaze. As Rowan's tiny fingers curled around Moira's hand, the old woman smiled, her eyes misty with both remembrance and relief.