Memories
My heart aches as the days roll on without a word from Dick. It's been almost a week now and his absence is the only thing I can think of. I went almost 3 years without talking to him, and now I can't make it without talking to him for a few days. Bruce came home that night assuring me he was okay. That Dick wouldn't leave if it was unsafe for me. I try to act strong. Act like his absence isn't eating me alive. But the truth is, it is. My heart searches for him but I can't find him. The bond still stands but it's quiet. I feel his absence through it. Dick would have had to went far for me not to be able to sense him.
Already spending every day alone, it was nothing unusual for him to be gone. But now Jason is gone too. I'm not sure if they both went missing together or what. The chess board sits in my last move, without Jason taking his turn. The Bat family doesn't come looking for me often, but when they do. I act like I'm busy reading, or tired. I want to be left alone. They all seem to understand and leave me, which I'm thankful for.
Laying in our bed the satin sheets are cool and lonely, without his warm body. I sit up in bed surveying the room. I look at Dick's things scattered across the room. The flying Graysons poster still hung up on the wall. I sigh looking at his young face. I wonder if we will have a boy to look just like him. Deciding it's time to get up, I tiptoe out of my cave of sheets. I scrub my scalp in the shower, letting the conditioner smooth my hair and make it smell of coconut. I shave my legs and lather them in soap. With my body and hair smelling fresh I rinse off and step out of the glass shower doors. The fluffy white towel is soft and warm against my skin. I sigh as I look in the mirror. My hair is getting too long and I make a note that maybe a haircut would look nice.
The neglect of my body is noticeable with my nails as well. I guess after my appointment I should try and fix myself up. Maybe that will help convince everyone else that I'm okay. I blow dry my hair and throw it into a claw clip, dangling a few front pieces out. I dress into a lilac sun dress, that drops all the way to my knees. The lace sleeves are floral and beautiful. I actually feel decent today. I guess forcing myself up and getting around was worth it. I throw on some eye liner with mascara, feeling finished.
Grabbing my purse I head out of our room, ready for the day. I smile as I see Alfred watching me walk down the hall with curiosity. "Going somewhere?" He asks.
"Yes, I have a doctors appointment to check on the baby" I smile.
"Oh lovely." He smiles. "I can take you, if you're ready."
"Oh it's okay. I kinda wanted to do some shopping after. I was just going to grab Dicks car." I smile.
"Which one would you like?" He asks
"Uh. What are my options?" I laugh nervously.
"Come with me" he sighs.
Following him I walk with my hand on the bump. I feel like I'm starting to look visibly pregnant and it makes me self conscious about it. I follow him into the garage, "everything on this wall is Master Dick's." He points, "his bikes are over here, but you're not riding them." I turn looking at them. I brush my hand along the old R cycle, smiling at the memories of Jump City. The way he would chase along streets to battle. He would turn corners as if they were nothing.
Looking up to the line of cars I see an array of vehicles. His jaguar sits in front as he always uses it. Next to it is a red Chevy impala. I'm sure he uses it as his low profile car. The windows are still blacked out though. Next to it is his silver Porsche, I've seen him in a few times. When he came to Seattle to find me he was driving it. Next to it is the car. The car that I decided I loved Richard in.
The sleek curves are wrapped in blue. I smile at the blacked out windows, looking at the corvette. "I'll take baby" I point to it.
"Are you sure?" He raises a brow.
"Yes" I grin.
Alfred nods his head grabbing the keys out of the large wooden cabinet. I take them with glee. "Maybe it'll piss him off" I smile crooked.
"Perhaps, please drive safe"Alfred worries.
"I will." I slide into the seat. I hit the starter, roaring the corvette to life. My smile spreads as I hear Dick in my head.. back on that day
~Flashback~
"Really, I'm fine." I argue placing my coffee cup into the sink.
"No you're not and that's okay Raven." Cyborg begs at me, "please just go talk to them. I set the appointment for 5pm tomorrow. They're keeping the office open to see you."
"No." I yell. "I don't need a shrink to tell me how fucked up I am."
"We just want you to process it, you're never going to get through it alone" Beastboy leans on the kitchen counter.
"I was raped. Okay?" I yell. "Until you've been raped I don't think you get to decide how I handle it." I storm out of the kitchen. My anger bubbles and I feel like destroying everything in sight. Instead I walk to the supply room, digging to the back I find my hidden token. The bottle has a slight dust on it as it's sat her for almost a year. I got it as a dare that I could pass for 21 and buy wine without an ID. Star made it with no issue. Beastboy failed, Cyborg didn't try, Richard was questioned but they let him eventually buy it. I was able to buy it no issues.
Deciding I really want to be alone I leave the tower, heading to the sandy beach area. I chug the bottle as the sun sits over the water. My emotions drown in the dark red juice and I feel my body loosen. I haven't felt this relaxed in a while. I drink the entire bottle sitting on the sand, enjoying watching the sky fade from orange to red, to black. The moon and stars don't judge me as I walk down the beach, continuing to chug.
"Raven?" I hear his voice. I turn slightly eyeing him, bottle still in hand. His green pants are tight and the spikes in his hair stand tall. His yellow utility belt sits on his him separating the green from his red shirt.
"Come to harass me into therapy?" I take a swig.
"Therapy?" He questions. "No."
"The rest of the team think I need it." I sigh. Finishing the last gulp.
"Looks like you need another bottle" he smiles
"Yup." I sigh, sitting in the sand. My cloak makes a nice blanket to sit on.
"Lets get away" he looks at me as I watch the water.
"Get away?" I question.
"Whether it be for an hour or a week." He smiles, "let's go" he holds out a hand. "Just you and me"
I sit there on that beach considering the thought. Away from the team and their pity looks. The constant reminder of my rape from the looks and whispers. I feel a tear slide down my face. "Can we get more wine?" I take his hand
"Yeah, anything Rae." He holds my hand. His hand wraps around mine as we walk back up to the tower. "I don't think the bike will do for tonight. I can't keep you steady on the back of it" he smiles. Opening the garage door he pulls the cover off of his car. It's always sat here with the cover. I could have never guessed this was under it. I sit there with my mouth open looking at it.
"Like it?" He notices my stare.
"Does it come with a driver?" I close my mouth.
"Yeah me." He opens the passenger door.
"Don't try that Akira Slide shit in this" I warn him.
"You know what that move is called?" He looks stunned.
"Yeah, you look like a kid in the candy store when you get it perfect" I slip into the passenger seat. He shakes his head walking around to the drivers seat.
"You know when Batman finally let me drive by myself, I talked him into a bike." He smiles remembering, "that's the first thing I taught myself."
"You never mention Batman" I look shocked.
"Yeah. I know." He smiles softly looking at me. "I've been talking to him a little."
"And how's that?" I ask.
"It's different. I feel like I have more respect now." He starts the car with the roaring.
"We'll screw conversations with how loud this beast is." I laugh
"I have the perfect place where we can go to talk." He almost yells over the engine.
"I'm going to trust you Robin." I smile feeling my walls slip as the alcohol settles in more.
He shoots me a crocked grin as he peels out of the garage. The car lurches out into the road, going faster and faster. He pushes the peddle faster going over 100 mph. I grip on the door handles shutting my eyes. The car drifts around corners, through stop lights and past anything. Peeking my eyes open, I look to him. The smile on his face shows how much he is enjoying driving this beast. Robins eyes are masked but he is focused on the road. Before I know it we are on a back road, escaping from the city. The stars look beautiful and I'm stuck with my eyes open. The car slows as we make a winding turn up a hill. We get to the top to a small parking lot. It's empty, with nobody or nothing in sight. Placing the car in park at the edge I look at the view. You can see Jump City in the distance but the stars are so bright out here.
Robin hops out of the drivers seat and opens the trunk. He grabs something before walking to my door. He opens it. Outstretching his hand. "Come on" he smiles.
I obey grabbing his hand and following him. He has a blanket that he spreads out on the ground. We lay on it looking up.
"Wow." I look to the sky of diamonds.
"Its beautiful isn't it." He reaches holding my hand.
"Yeah" I sigh. I close my eyes feeling the weight of my exhaustion. "It's so quiet and peaceful."
"I could never imagine being an empath, Raven. It must be hard feeling and listening all day long" he sighs.
"It's awful" I roll my head looking to him.
"We can stay here for however long you want." He smiles rolling his head to me. "And If you need me to leave you, I can do that too."
"Never." I smile. I scoot closer putting my head onto his chest. I take my cape and wrap it around us, making a blanket.
The beats of his heart are like a lullaby and I flutter my eyes. I yawn as dick rubs his hand onto my back. With my heavy eyes I drift to sleep. The sleep is deep but ends too soon. I awake with the changing sky, turning from dark to light. I rouse awake still curled into Robins chest. It's the best sleep I've had in 2 weeks. I slowly sit up feeling my numb arm as I've not moved in so long.
"How did you sleep?" He smiles. I look to his soft face. He slowly sits up meeting me.
"I actually slept." I curl a hair behind my ear.
"You seemed like you needed it." He looks at me, slowly taking his hand and caressing my cheek.
"Can I…" I start to blurt out but I stop.
"Can you what?" He asks.
"Nothing." I shake my head. "It was stupid."
"No. Tell me." He smiles.
I bite my lip looking at him. "Can I, uh. See your eyes."
He smiles breathing out in a small laugh. He takes the side of his mask slowly peeling it off. His eyes are such a beautiful blue that I could swim in them. I smile looking into them, "thank you." I place my hand on his cheek.
"It was kind of crazy that you've seen me naked, but haven't seen my eyes" he laughs.
"Oh we're talking about us now?" I laugh.
"Well what do you want to talk about?" He sighs.
"Not the rape." I look down.
"You're the only one who hasn't asked me how I am, or if I'm okay." I sigh,
"You had enough people questioning you." He takes my hand. "You just needed one person to talk to you."
The blush radiates and I lean in kissing his lips. They're soft and pressed back against mine. I feel his eagerness and I press my hand against his cheek, with my other on his chest. I lean him back as I open our mouths. I'm on top of him as he lays on the ground. Our tongues explore each other's mouth, and I'm slightly moaning. His hands stay firm on my sides. My woman hood heats up and I begin to dry hump him. My fingers pull at his top. And his hand comes up holding mine.
My body stops and I tare away from the kiss looking at his hand holding mine. I look up into his eyes to see them looking at me. "You don't.?" I questions
"Oh I want to." He smiles softly. "But we can't right now."
"Why not?" I sit back on him like a child. I feel his manhood raised underneath me.
"Because you're not ready for that Rae." He brushes my hair behind my ear.
"I think I'll decide-" I argue.
"No." He states firmly. "I could never forgive myself for taking advantage of you." He looks sad. "Your not in the right mindset."
I understand what he means, and I sigh. I slide off of him, sitting on the ground next to him. I don't think I even have enough respect for myself, but at-least Robin has it for both of us.
"You're right. I'm sorry Robin." I sigh.
"Dick." He smiles. "You can call me Dick Grayson." He leans in kissing me.
"I know your name." I smile, "I just didn't want to use it without permission."
"The sunrise is beautiful" he looks behind us. "Just like you"
I'm jolted back from the roaring of the corvette as I whip out of the garage. My memories give me a butterfly feeling. Dick always knows how to make me feel better. He healed apart of me that day that I didn't think was that broken. I never thanked him for giving me a sense of peace. That I was more than just Slade's victim.
Skidding around the country roads I make it back into Gotham city and slow the vehicle down from 90mph. I think back to Dick's face as I turn a sharp corner. Making it to the doctors office I turn the key, ending the roaring. Grabbing my phone I call him again. The voicemail plays once more, and I wait for the tone. "Hey Dick. I was just calling to let you know I've got your corvette for the day, trying to figure out the Akira slide." I smile, "I keep thinking of the night you took me to the look out. It's when I fell in love with you." I sigh out. "Just come home soon, I'm tired of pretending to be strong, okay? I love you." I hang up. A tear rolls down my face. Where are you Dick?