Published September 29, 2024

Content warning: This chapter contains allusions to marital relations and discussion of infertility and pregnancy.

"Expectation"

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
~ Proverbs 13:12, New Living Translation

When Emma and Killian got married, they hoped that their newly expanded family would continue to grow. That had been a factor in choosing such a large, spacious house to make their home.

Though he had not always realized or acknowledged it, a part of Killian had always longed to be a father. In a sense, Emma had granted that desire by making him Henry's stepfather. He would have liked to return the favor by giving her a child too.

Emma also wanted to experience the parts of parenthood she had missed out on with Henry. She was excited by the prospect of raising a child with Killian, the most loving and devoted person she knew.

They would have loved to give Henry a little brother or sister while he was still young, before he left home for college or whatever adventures he wanted to pursue. It came up in conversation a few times when he stayed with them, and he assured them that he would be glad to have siblings, and would not feel like they were replacing him. That was a relief to hear.

They did their best to not be disappointed or disheartened about how much time passed without success. At any rate, they had plenty of family to keep them busy. Henry was going through his teenage years, and Neal and Robin were growing into lively children, whose parents needed reliable babysitters. Even the Golds joined them at family gatherings for a year or so, until they left to travel the realms.

When Henry left home, the Swan-Jones house began to feel too big, too empty. Without their son, Emma and Killian had less to occupy themselves in their free time. Snow and David did their best to distract them with opportunities to spend time together. Snow even convinced them to get involved with the school, talking to kids on Career Day and giving tours of the sheriff's station and the Jolly Roger for field trips.

Despite everyone's best efforts, Emma still missed Henry terribly, even more than she had expected. As reluctant as she had once been to embrace motherhood, she had gotten so used to being a mother that without that role, she felt like part of her purpose was gone. She missed being a mother.

She did not voice all of these feelings, but Killian could guess them well enough. He did his best to cheer and satisfy her. They agreed that it seemed like the ideal time to have a child. So they renewed their efforts, such as they had not since their honeymoon.

There were a few times when Emma thought she might be pregnant, but each time, she turned out to be incorrect. She stopped telling Killian when she had a suspicion, not wanting to disappoint him when it turned out to be a false alarm. She started to wonder if she was no longer able to conceive and carry a child to term. She was not as young as she used to be, now halfway through her thirties.

Killian began to wonder if he had used up all his luck. Curses and Neverland had preserved his youth and extended his lifespan, and he had escaped close brushes with death more times than he could count. The one time he had actually died, Zeus restored his life … but maybe that did not come with the ability to make a new life.

They talked about other options, but could not agree on a course of action that felt right. Killian had serious reservations about using either magic or technology to grow their family, and Emma could not blame him. Magic always came with a price, and often technology did too.

When they intimated their struggles to Emma's parents, Snow consoled them by sharing the story of her own parents. King Leopold and Queen Eva had been married for many years and seemed unable to have children, until they finally conceived Snow White.

Then, she told a story that even David had not heard until then: how King George had cursed her with infertility. She recounted how Lancelot and David's mother, Ruth, had secretly cured her, even though it cost the chance to save Ruth's life. Emma was stunned by this action of the grandmother she had never met, and David hugged her tightly, whispering a prayer of thanks.

At one point, Emma confided in Regina, the only other person who missed Henry as much as she did. She was shocked when Regina admitted that she had ruined her own chances of ever having biological children. She encouraged looking into adoption, and Emma asked Killian to seriously consider it. But while it seemed a noble alternative, they found themselves having reservations about it too. For one thing, there was the matter of whether to seek out a child from the Land Without Magic or one of the magical realms. For another, they knew from experience how complicated adoptive relationships could be. It seemed too much like tempting fate to make another strange twist in their lives.

When his frustration and self-blame threatened to overwhelm him, Killian sought counsel from Archie. Not being a couples therapist, Archie suggested that they talk to Marco. Geppetto, as he had been called then, had not been able to have a child with his late wife, so he could sympathize with their struggle.

Emma thought this was a good idea, and Marco and August were happy to have them over for coffee. But Marco's story had reached a happy ending through highly unusual means. His wish for a child had been granted by the Blue Fairy when she brought his marionette to life. The only advice he could give was to pray and not lose hope.

August was mostly silent, letting his friends and his father share their stories. But when they had each finished their parts, he surprised them by suggesting that Emma and Killian accompany him and his father to church.

The married couple exchanged glances. Neither of them was very religious. Killian had encountered all kinds of belief systems and places of worship in his travels, ranging from quaint to bizarre to abhorrent. Emma's years in foster homes had exposed her to a few different faith traditions, some more appealing than others, but none had stuck with her. In more recent years, the influence of magic, destiny, monotheistic relics, and polytheistic gods in their lives had raised more questions than answers about how the universe worked. They could not reject the possibility of anything out of hand, but neither of them was sure what they believed about any particular deities.

But at this point, they were willing to try almost anything, and they had nothing to lose from trying this. So they shrugged and accepted the invitation. The next thing they knew, the four of them were walking to the church together.

Emma had been inside the nuns' convent a few times, but never inside the church. Killian had only been in there once, when they fought the Shadow. It was beautiful, with stained glass windows and a few statues of saints. There was always at least one nun present to pray, with others coming and going quietly, never speaking above a whisper in this sacred space.

Marco guided them around the building and quietly related the names and stories of the figures in the art. Killian liked the nautical imagery in some of the pictures, such as ships and fishermen.

"The anchor is a symbol of hope," Marco explained, pointing to a small window that showed an anchor placed between a cross and a heart. "Hope is called 'an anchor for the soul.'"

When they sat together in a pew, August began rifling through a Bible and passing it to Emma and Killian. He pointed out the stories of several married couples throughout Judeo-Christian history: Abraham and Sarah, Elkanah and Hannah, Zechariah and Elizabeth. Each of them had longed for children and remained childless for many years before finally conceiving.

"Is this your way of telling us we shouldn't give up hope?" Emma asked drily.

August smiled in his serene, knowing way. "I'm going to tell you what Jesus told his disciples: 'Ask and you shall receive,' and 'Nothing is impossible with God."

Emma looked at August, one of the people who had encouraged her to believe when she did not want to believe in anything. Then she looked at Killian, who was gazing humbly around the church, and whose eyes lingered on an image of Jesus emerging from his tomb.

After everything they had been through, all the miraculous things that had happened in their lives, how could she not be open to belief, to hope?

So she knelt next to August, and prayed from her heart. She started by listing everything she was thankful for, acknowledging how good her life was now. She had a loving family, a beautiful home, and honest, meaningful work. In many ways, she was content. But there was so much more she and Killian could do, so much more they could give. What better way to give of themselves, and make the most of ordinary moments, than to raise a child? Before she knew it, she was crying. August put his hand on her shoulder, but he did not say anything.

Unable to clasp two hands together, Killian gripped the pew in front of him, rested his hook on his knuckles, and bowed his head. He acknowledged that he did not deserve any favors, that he had already received far more happiness than he deserved. But he appealed on Emma's behalf, because she deserved every possible happiness.

August and Marco never asked what thoughts passed through Emma and Killian's heads or what prayers they made in their hearts. But as they left the church with their arms around each other, they could see that the couple was more at peace than when they had arrived.

Things were different after that, albeit in small ways.

Between Emma and Killian, there was less of a feeling of guilt or grief, and more of a feeling of solidarity, of making the best of a situation.

Emma began to pray before going to bed, something she had not done since she stayed with a Christian foster family. When Killian found her kneeling next to their bed, he would kneel behind or next to her, hug her, and lean his head on her shoulder. At first Emma was annoyed, thinking he was trying to distract her, but then she realized that he was joining her, supporting her. It felt fitting to pray before they were intimate, to ask for a child before trying to make one.

Life went on as usual for several months. Their time was divided between running the sheriff department and being with their extended family.

One week, Emma began to feel random waves of nausea and dizziness. Although she insisted that she was not sick, Killian urged her to take a day off.

After some argument, she agreed to stay home—not so she could rest, but so she could test her suspicion without him knowing. It was hard enough to contain her own hopes, she did not want to get his up.

Emma almost could not bring herself to look at the pregnancy test. It had been a long time since she even used one, though she had gone through many earlier in her marriage. Those past times had always been an emotional roller coaster, her hope rising up to a great height only to descend in a disappointing anticlimax.

She took a deep breath, turning the ends of the stick between her fingers. Whatever happened—good or bad—she could handle it. She had Killian, and he would be with her through whatever joy or sorrow this news brought.

Still, for good measure, she offered a silent prayer. Please, please, please.

When she saw the two lines, she almost let out a yelp of joy. She was so shocked, incredulous, and wary of a false positive, she took a second test. It also had two lines.

It happened.

It was happening.

It was finally happening!

Emma leaned back against the bathroom counter, so overwhelmed with gratitude that she could not help giving thanks. She clasped her hands against her chest, tears spilling from her eyes as she tilted her head back, and sent up a silent Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Part of her could not wait to tell her family. She could just imagine their reactions when she gave them the news. But she knew what a whirlwind of activity that announcement would set off, so for a few minutes she allowed herself to privately bask in the joy, wonder, and anticipation.

Emma had felt nothing like this the first time she was pregnant. Then, she had been alone, grieving Neal's betrayal, with no idea what to do with her life. Finding out that she was carrying his child had felt like the universe was mocking her, giving her a piece of the future she had wanted, only too late. The physical discomfort and social humiliation of being a pregnant inmate had only added to her misery. She had agonized over the prospect of giving up her child the way her parents had given her up. She had tried to walk the razor's edge between loving her child enough to will its good, and closing off her heart to keep the separation from being more painful. There had been no excitement or happiness, no support from anyone. She had given birth chained to a hospital bed with guards watching.

This pregnancy would be completely different. This time, she had a whole family and lots of friends to support her and her baby. This time, the father was her husband and true love. This time, she would get to tell him the news herself. They would get to experience all the strange and awful and wonderful parts of pregnancy together. He would be there to admire her as she grew and hold her when she felt tired and sick. He would be with her to welcome their son or daughter into their home.

And after the birth … an entire lifetime stretched out before them—the three of them. Emma and Killian would raise this child themselves, from the very beginning—the first time either of them had ever done so.

The thought of being a parent used to terrify Emma, but now … now she believed that they could do it. She and Killian had made many mistakes in their lives, but they had learned from them. They had overcome so many obstacles, she felt like they could do anything. They had learned how to love, and now they could give their child the love it deserved.

Killian knew something was up, but he had no idea if it was something good or something bad.

Emma had stayed home from work, but texted him saying to pick up dinner and come home quickly. It turned out she had ordered an abundance of food from Granny's, which surprised him in light of her nausea the past few days.

The moment Killian walked through the door and set down the bag, Emma was there, greeting him with a tight hug and a long kiss on his cheek and lips. It was not the casual but sweet greeting they usually exchanged; it was deeper, more emotional, yet also more charged with energy.

"I'm not complaining," he said over her shoulder, "but what's all this?"

"Oh, I'm just … happy to see you."

He smiled and pulled away to see her face—and then froze. She looked like she had been crying. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Swan—"

"I swear, nothing's wrong." She slid her hands down to his wrists. "But I do need to tell you something." He looked her over anxiously, and she smiled in reassurance. "Don't worry, it's good news. It's just … a lot to take in. You might want to grab the rum."

Killian raised a brow at her. "Very well." Since becoming a deputy, he no longer carried a flask at all times, but they kept a good store at their house and on the Jolly Roger.

After bringing the food to the kitchen, Killian went over to the liquor cabinet, selected a bottle, and carried it over to the couch where Emma was seating herself. He sat next to her, pulled the stopper off with his teeth and took a swig. But when he held the bottle out to Emma, she smiled and shook her head. "None for you?"

"No … in fact, I found out I can't have rum—or any alcohol—for a while."

Killian's expression shifted like a fog suddenly clearing. His eyes searched her face, and then flickered downward, to her stomach, before meeting her eyes again. "How long are we talking about, Swan?"

The smile she was trying to suppress grew. "From now … about seven months."

"Emma … are you saying … this isn't some Land Without Magic common knowledge I'm misconstruing for—"

"No, Killian, it's exactly what it sounds like." Her smile was full now, her eyes practically sparkling with happiness.

That was when the corners of his mouth started to turn upward. He nodded once, indicating her stomach, which she was now pressing with one hand. "You're with child?"

Emma nodded, and let out a sort of sobbing chuckle. "Yes."

The bottle fell onto the floor, and was unheeded as Killian caught her in a fierce embrace. They both laughed and cried as they held each other, rocking back and forth and exclaiming between kisses.

"A child," Killian choked out. "We're going to have a child."

Emma pulled back to look at him, framing his face in her hands. "Are you really happy?"

He let out an incredulous huff, shaking his head. "Emma Swan, in my almost three hundred years of life, I've never been happier."

She hugged him again, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm so glad."

"Well, our lives have been getting a bit boring," he teased. "I think we're overdue for a new adventure." He shifted on the couch, his hand coming to rest on her side, then on her stomach. It was flat now, but would not be so for long. "How are we going to tell everyone?"

Emma smiled, pulled out her phone, and opened the Internet browser. "I have some ideas …"

Author's Notes

Hope Swan-Jones has been living in my head for almost a year now, since I rewatched Once Upon a Time and became obsessed with Emma, Hook, and Hope. I'm so excited to finally begin posting my stories about her! This one will be about her general life, but I'm planning some separate stories focusing on particular adventures.

I usually try to adhere to canon as much as possible in this kind of story, but Season 7 introduced too many complications and inconsistencies to the canon timeline. For my purposes, I've decided not to get into the alternate versions of characters or the element of time-travel. In this timeline, the realms are still separate, so Hope mainly grows up in Storybrooke; the Golds are off traveling and raising Gideon; and Henry is off having his own adventures, but returns to Storybrooke periodically to visit his family.

Like many fairy tales, the Grimm Brothers' "Snow White" begins with her mother, the queen, longing for a child. I thought that kind of situation would be fitting for Emma and Hook, since they are married for several years before they have Hope.

I did not initially plan to have the scene in the church, but as I wrote about Marco and August's encouragement, it felt right. Pinocchio is an Italian story, and Geppetto/Marco has an Italian accent, so it is sort of implied that he came from either Italy or a land with a similar culture before coming to the Enchanted Forest. Since Italy is largely Catholic, I figured Geppetto/Marco and Pinocchio/August probably are too; and the Storybrooke nuns, their convent, and their church seem to be modeled after Catholic ones.

Fun Fact: Tony Amendola, the actor who plays Geppetto/Marco, also plays St. Zechariah in The Chosen, Season 4 Episode 1!

The Bible verse Marco quotes is Hebrews 6:19. This is the origin of an anchor being used to symbolize hope. It was too perfect not to use for the daughter of a pirate!

I hope you'll enjoy this journey! Feedback is much appreciated!