-September-

Every day since the bomb, Aaron wanted to get down on his hands and knees and just let her know how much he loves her. But he couldn't. He wanted it to be a surprise. These last couple of days while Aaron was recovering, Emily was there, when she could. Her, Natalia, and Jack helped out in any way they could. By the end of the week, Aaron thought that he could repay her and make her dinner.

He was halfway done with dinner when he heard her keys opening the door.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" she said as she sat her keys and purse down on the small table with a smile on her face.

"Hey. I just wanted to surprise you with dinner. I know that the last week has been chaotic with the bomb in all and I know you haven't been feeling well. Plus I wanted to repay you for helping Jack and I out this week. Are you hungry?"

"Always. Thank you, you have no idea how much i appreciate this and You don't have to thank me, that's what friends are for." she took a few steps towards the kitchen but stopped.

"I know but I know things haven't been easy. I just wanted to do something nice for you."

"Well I appreciate that... what are you cooking over there?" she walked closer to him

"just one of your favorite meals."

"Well it smells good. Where are the kids?"

"They're with Marissa. "

"Oh. Wow you've really outdone yourself" she said as she leaned against the counter.

"Yeah, I figured you could enjoy a quiet meal. "

"I would love a quiet meal. Is there anything I could do to help?"

"No this is all me Em. You can go Relax and I'll call you when Dinner is ready."

"Okay." She kicked her shoes off and sat on the couch.

Sitting back and relaxing into the couch, she found herself being lost in her thoughts. Losing herself in her thoughts is where she found herself more often lately, especially since the bombing. Since then, she has tried avoiding the obvious and cliche line, the heart wants what it wants. She knew that she wanted more with him, she could picture the life that they could create. Both Jack and Natalia get along well and with this new baby coming, everything felt perfect. But that's what the thing was. She was scared of it. The feeling of love, the feeling of butterflies, and the feeling everything falling into place. Part of her felt like loving him was pushing Levi away and that scared her the most. Loving Levi was the best thing that ever happened to her and she didn't want to feel as if she was replacing him. Fighting herself in her head, she didn't know what to do.

When Aaron looked over at Emily, he could tell that she was stuck in her own head. Seeing that blank stare on her face, he knew it all to well. He didn't know where her head was. Although they were spending more time together, she was rather quiet. He didn't saw anything because even with something on her mind, he was grateful that she was there for him. Aaron just kept an eye one her while finishing up dinner.

When dinner was finally finished cooking, he walked over to Emily and tapped her on the shoulder. Not realizing that he was in front of her, she nearly jumped when she snapped out of her thoughts.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to let you know that dinner was finished. "

"Oh thanks. I'll be over in a second." Aaron watched her as she struggled and offered her a hand. She looked up at him and almost looked defeated. She took his hand and he pulled her up to her feet.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

When she walked over to the table, she saw the flowers in the center of the table and the candles surrounding. She then felt the feeling in the room shift. She realized that it wasn't just a dinner. She became nervous, she felt as if she was on a date in her own home. She looked up at him and gave him a smile. Walking over to her seat, he pulled out the chair for her. As she sat down, she couldn't wait any longer. She needed to know. "Aaron?" She asked as he scooted in her chair behind her.

"yeah?" She watched him walk around the kitchen table to get to his seat across from her.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah Anything." he sat in the chair and made eye contact with her.

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"The flowers, the candles? it's not that I don't appreciate them.. I do, it's just.."

"I just wanted to do some..."

"Aaron please." she said as she cut him off

"Okay. I was going to bring this up later but I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Okay?" she laid her napkin onto her lap.

"Emily this last year has been the most complicated, challenging, and yet the most amazing year. From the very beginning to now, I never expected to be in the place that we are now. When you left, I thought I had lost you forever."

"What are you saying?"

"Through this pregnancy, we have spent more time together. Whether it's during doctor's appointments, or late night french fry runs, I have got to see a different side of you. You are strong, probably one of the strongest women I know, but you are also the most loving person. There is no mean bone in you. You have gone through so much, both you and Natalia have and I want to make things solid for you both. I want you know that you are not alone. I'm here and I will always be here for."

"Aaron.."

"Emily.. I"

"i...don't... I don't know what to say."

"Since the bombing, things have become very clear. I want us to be a family Emily. I want to live life with you. I wouldn't want to live this chaotic life with anyone else but you"

"Aaron, I..."

His smiled dropped and he looked over at her "You don't feel the same way, do you?"

"Aaron... I... what if one day, you realize that this isn't what you want? How do you know this what you want"

"That bomb and the near death experience, made things pretty clear Em. " Emily then started to panic. He wanted more with her, as excited as she was, the more anxiety settled in. She couldn't be with him, she wanted to honor Levi and loving him felt like betrayal rather than honoring him. She was still in love with him. How could she just move on?

"So what? A bomb happens and now you're convinced that this is what you want. It doesn't work that way Aaron."

"What's it going to take for you to believe that this is what I want. What's it going to take for you to believe that I actually do love you?"

And there it was. The words that she didn't want to hear.

"Aaron, you said in the beginning, with our jobs, it would never work. Strauss would make you choose between us and the team, I couldn't make you choose that. "

"I thought you didn't care about our jobs and why do you keep avoiding the subject?"

"I don't."

" You have convinced yourself that it wouldn't work. You won't even let yourself think that it would. Do you even love me back? "

"Aaron I...I want more than anything to be a family. You, me, Natalia, Jack, and this new baby but It won't work."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do. We both know that once the cat is out of the bag, Strauss would make you choose between us and your job. I'd never make you choose between us and your job. You can say that you'd quit, but one day you'll resent me. You love your job, I know you do and i will not let you have that hanging over my head. That is why It won't work. I can't be the reason that you leave your career. I would leave the team in a heartbeat if i needed to, but I will not let you think that you are the reason why I left. We cannot have a stable relationship if the foundation is rocky."

"I wouldn't resent you Emily. You're not asking me to do anything." he said as he reached over and grabbed her hand on the table.

"Aaron... I would do anything for you.. I would do anything that would make you happy but I can't... I can't do this.." She looked at him in the eyes and he knew. She was set on this and there wasn't going to be convincing her otherwise.

He pulled his hand away and a single tear ran down her face.

"So that's it then? You don't feel the same way do you?"

She leaned her head down as he pulled his hand back from her side of the table and threw his napkin on the plate. He stood up and headed towards the door. He grabbed his coat and put it on. Grabbed his keys and opened the door. Before he left, he turned around and took one more glance at her. Her head was still down and he could hear her crying.

" Just so you know, I would have left my job if it came down to it. I love my job and i love what we do but I love you and the kids more." and with that, he left.

She sat at the kitchen table crying, her hand hadn't move from where his hand once was. She finally got up and started to clean up the dinner that she never got to eat. She left a small plate on the side, knowing that even though she wasn't hungry, she still should eat something for the baby's sake. She called Marissa and asked if she could drop Jack off at Aaron's apartment. After she agreed, Emily grabbed the plate and a glass of water and headed for her bed. She would wait for Natalia to come home but she was sad. As soon as she crawled into bed, she ran her hand down her stomach and tears began falling down again.

"I'm sorry baby."

She tried to eat as much as her body would allow. She placed her plate on the nightstand and laid down. She closed her eyes and she could hear her daughter's voice echo up the stairs and down the hall, but she just wanted to sleep this night away. She wanted to wake up and this all be a dream. But it wasn't. She was going to wake up and this was all going to be the same.