Raven: (kicks open the door) coming in hot!!! (coming in with a bunch of babies)
Shepard: Wha…What are you doing? What are those?
Raven: babies!!!
Shepard: Those are not ours, we don't run a full blown hospital!!!
Raven: oh, no, no, no need to worry, plus I'm bored and you people just happened to be my only form of entertainment. So…please do Have fun.
Shepard: what-?
Raven: (shoves all of the little babies around the place knocking everyone of them into a frenzy)
Shepard: there…there children!! Did we have children-!??!!?
Raven: (backs up to the door) oh I almost forgot!! (blows a bunch of 'for-get-me dust' onto the group) my gift to you from me. (Walks out the door as chaos erupts)
Maranda: What is happening in there?
Raven: a moment if you will? (Walks into the kitchen) boy's get yourself together. Both of you have been in here doing nothing but snacking on stale food.
Camera Man: What exactly do you want us to do?
Raven: grab those cookies. (grabs a tray and walks into the hallway And sets them on a table)
Maranda: (goes over to Raven) What exactly did you do?
Raven: *shrugs* Blew some forget me not dust on them.
Maranda: It's a sin to poison a nun!! Or a human being in general!!!
Raven: Oh hush. they're just a bit wrong in the head. Nothing else is going to befall their cheeky little selves.
Maranda: What does this poisonous thing do?
Raven: They'll just be a bit busy wondering what to do. Now grab a chair and watch the show unfold.
Maranda: I feel wrong-
Raven: You nuns always feel wrong. Now live a little will you?
Camera Man: And me? What should I do?
Raven: snack on your crackers and shut up. (Sits down)
(all the women are scrambling to get their babies into place)
Casanova: (walks out of the room) ok, we were able to secure Lady E's…what on earth happened out here?
Shepard: I don't know any more!!!! Everything is just wrong!!!
Mother Mary: (looks at the mess) I hate this job so much… Shepherd? What on earth happened?
Shepard: I don't know, one minute we were fine, and the next, we were filled to the brim with children!!!
Mother Mary: ok, ok, let us all calm down a bit, yes? Yes. And focus on our top priority we must find the "future Child" and swap it out with the prime minister's child-
Everyone: (too busy freaking out)
Mother Mary: everyone, everyone, focus!!! Focus!! Focus-!!
May: (comes out of the room and rings the Fog horn making all the children disappear)
Mary: …oh good-
May: (turns around) what?
Mother Mary: Does everyone know which baby is which? And where the child might be?
May: …wha are you on about?
Maranda: You're a terrible person…
Raven: It's only the beginning.
Maranda: …
Raven: *smiles* Cookies, anyone? I believe you all need a little something to eat. After all, you all seem to be very tired and in need of some sustenance. Good for human life is what I read.
Mother Mary: you!!!
Raven: me? Or-? (Points to Maranda)
Mother Mary: why are you here?
Raven: helping wherever I am needed.
Mother Mary: you were supposed to just give the baby to a maid. And then leave-
Raven: …gee really? Which one?
Mother Mary: (glares at her)
Raven: didn't think that far did you?
Mother Mary: shut it!! And give me the baby!!!
Raven: don't have him…
Mother Mary: …!!!
Raven: …cookie?
Everyone: …
Raven: also Mother May, the camera man and other dude is done puking.
Mother Mary: get out!!! Out!!! Both of you!!! (Shewing away Raven and Maranda)
Shepard: mother?…I'm a bit hungry.
Mother Mary: no-
May: me too. I find myself needing something to eat.
All the maids: yeah. Yeah I'm hungry. I'm starving, those look good. I could go for a snack.
Mother Mary: no!!! No!!! No!!! We don't do snack breaks here-
Raven: oh, be a benevolent dictator. After all the people want food. You don't want hungry children to start a coup just for some milk-?
Everyone: (gasps) …
Raven: oop…and cookies-?
Everyone: (gasping even more) …
Raven: so? What do you think?
Mother Mary: (conflicting with herself) …You know what? Put them in their respective rooms. And we will regroup after a short snack break.
Everyone: Yay!!!! (the ladies taking the large plate of cookies and going outside into the hall)
Mother Mary: (taking the children of Lady E's who were not lady E's back to her room)
Everyone: (taking the children with different parents back to their rooms, and then regrouping outside in the eating hall opposite of where Maranda and Raven were)
Raven: fun isn't it?
Maranda: Why am I working with you to commit a terrible crime against the Catholic hospital?
Raven: (ignores Maranda) We take "it" to room E.
Maranda: take-
Raven: (whistles and a baby manifests in front of them) isn't magic fun?
Maranda: So you're willing to do magic to manifest a baby. But not help a human being who is sick?
Raven: That is not a human. That is a demonic creature birthed due to an affair with Satan and an Angel.
Maranda: What is the difference?
Raven: …(turns to the baby) hi you little wart, I don't like you enough to care what you're going to grow up to be, but as your guardian, I am tasked to let not a single soul touch a pretty little head. Here, (hands him her personal soul coin) it is yours, whenever you are in danger call upon me by name and I will answer.
Maranda: Are you corrupting the poor baby?
Raven: no, no, no. Of course not. (About to turn to go in the door but stops) word of warning.
Maranda: to me-?
Raven: think a little bit more in life. Going through life without thinking will ensure you no future of your own.
Maranda: wha-?
Raven: (snaps her finger and everything comes to a halt)
Aziraphale: Raven Walks into the room. She Places the baby into the original baby's carrier…and then unpauses time as if nothing happen…that is it. That is all to how the baby is where the baby is.
Raven: …shut it, Az.
Aziraphale: …you can…you can hear me?
Raven: unfortunately.
Aziraphale: (goes into Heavens "viewership broadcasting room") This finally concludes the guessing game…were you as a viewer right? Was it obvious to you who would get the baby in the end? Or was it not? If it was, do you think Raven will remember who she gave the baby to? If so. Please continue.
Raven: (transported to the front of the hospital and hops in her car) I will never come back to this place if my life depended solely upon visiting this place in order to live for the rest of my life. (Drives off into the night)
(Back in the hospital)
Maranda: oh…(looks around) who was I…was I…talking to someone?
Mother Mary: (walks through the doors) Maranda. I must applaud your work.
Maranda: was there someone here?
Mother Mary: what?
Maranda: well…I thought someone…never mind. Thank you Mother…your words are truly powerful and kind.
Mother Mary: too many praises. (Walks out) come in. Snack time over!!
Everyone: but-
Edward: (pukes on the cookies)
May: never mind. Everyone into the rooms. We still have a baby to change!!!
Aziraphil: Now the cards have been set, the babies going off with their respective families. Baby A-C is off with their families, but who cares about them? Lady D is with his mother with a careful eye on him. And the "Dooms day Baby'' is off with his family to a small town out somewhere practically in the middle of nowhere. And that is where our story begins off, boy was that fun to narrate…no, no it wasn't, it was a nightmare.
Raven: (maniacally driving on the road, and the radio flicks on)
Chicacora: I lost all ambition for worldly acclaim, I just want to be the one you love. *dialing static noise*
Back up singers: love!! *dialing static noise*
Chicacora: and with your admition that you'd feel the same? I'll have reached the goal I'm dreaming of!! Believe me. I don't want to set the world on fire!!! *dialing static noise*
Ladies background voice: I just want to set a flame in your heart!!! *dialing static noise*
Chicacora: I don't want to set the world on fire, honey, I love you too much~how many men-?*dialing static noise*
Lady voice: Very few- *dialing static noise*
Chicacora: but you gave me a kiss…why? *dialing static noise*
Lady voice: such a foolish reason…I just~*dialing static noise*
Chicacora: birds don't sing, they fall down from the sky~ I have but only one desire…I just want to set the world in a spark~(music trailing off, now the radio switching through chanel and landing back to statice in and out and then returns to normal) hello my dear fellow listeners, I am your host Chicacora, and you are listening to this week's blues on the crues. I may or may not have changed a few word, sue me, but I had fun…now we have ourselves a very famous guest starring here on our show-
Raven: speak like a normal person.
Chicacora: but I'm not a person-
Raven: you make me want to run this car off the side of the road.
Chicacora: …but you love me enough to not do such an act-?
Raven: I don't think I want to have a friend who saranates me in terrible tunes and makes me want to cry when they pop up on my station.
Chicacora: ah…you're no fun…so??
Raven: so?
Chicacora: the little clacker!!!??!
Raven: you mean the baby?
Chicacora: yes!!! How'd it go?
Raven: nuns are a nightmare on earth. I am so glad to be out of that hospital.
Chicacora: that is fair… Are you on your way to catch a little problem?
Raven: What don't you know about my missions?
Chicacora: That you're working for someone important. No worries I haven't pinpointed who, yet.
Raven: "Yet" is the problem.
Chicacora: if you don't want me to look into your missions by all means just say so.
Raven: when have you ever listened?
Chicacora: You know? I prove useful to you most of the time, old friend, why so on edge with me today?
Raven: number one rule, don't trust anyone. And always hold your hand close. Make others think you have something they want.
Chicacora: well you're in luck, I have some Valuable information.
Raven: What do you want?
Chicacora: nothing at all …just friends helping friends.
Raven: …(glares at the radio)
Chicacora: well, trust me or not, my little hunches are telling me that our dear friends in the sky are bringing in a group of some powerful ranking angels~
Raven: …Archangel?
Chiacora: *chuckles* think bigger~
Raven: Thrones?
Chicacora: no, no bigger.
Raven: oh gosh not one of them buggers…
Chicacora: precisely…
Raven: Is she…here?
Chicacora: now that information will cost you-
Raven: then seraphim Sera is not here.
Chicacora: nope, but the seraphim in training is still here…so what will you do with the information?
Raven: Chica, I am not fighting a seraphim here.
Chicacora: Neither would I, but I know one thing: the team that they have, you won't like me for telling you this but try to be calm…
Raven: I have been. But you want me to take down a seraphim for you and that is not happening.
Chicacora: fine. But you might need to sit down for this.
Raven: all seriousness Chica.
Chicacora: they're-
Raven: ooh hold that thought…(looks out at the woods to see a light figure being flown across the woods illuminating in the trees) I'm going to have to call you back.
Chicaora: …found yourself a catch have we?
Raven: something of the sorts. (switches the car off and gets out of the car)