For the past five minutes Dionysus had been laughing.
Bianca wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.
"Hahahahahha, oh by dad's beard, I haven't had someone request something like that in quite a while now. Didn't think I'd ever hear if again." Said a very delighted Dionysus.
"So... you'll grant it?" Bianca asked hopefully.
"No." Dionysus face turned stone-like, having his usual boredom and disdain back.
"Dionysus!" Artemis cried out, scolding.
"No, Artemis. Handing out Madness as a boon than as a punishment isn't a party favor. That's something for my most loyal and devout followers. Not something I'd give to some heroes to go and die with, like John Brown." Dionysus said, distain entering his voice.
Annabeth muttered the name the god mention with surprise.
"Look, Byanka." Dionysus began. "I, well, I won't say 'like you'. I don't hate you? I dislike you the least."
""We know."" Thalia, Percy and Annabeth said together.
Bianca had to force herself to keep a neutral face while Dionysus snorted.
"So yeah, it's nothing personal, but there's literally nothing you have that can make me do it." Dionysus said dismissively, while waving her off.
"But we have—!"
"No~thing~!" Dionysus insisted while drinking from his diet coke.
"...What if I blackmail you?" Bianca deadpanned.
And then the mood turned oppressive, like a weight fell upon the demigods. As if the god's annoyance was a physical thing, a weight on their sanity.
"And I just said I disliked you the least." Dionysus sighed and he put the can down. "Guess all you heroes are the same in the end." He cracked his neck. "Alright, what 'blackmail' do you have on me? Go ahead," his eyes shined with insanity of a purple-like glow. "Amaze me with your threats. Maybe if they are funny enough you'll get to have longer time before I turn you into a dolphin and have others eat you."
"Bianca, apologize!" Zoe quickly begged.
"Lord Dionysus, she didn't mean it. It's the quest we can't afford—" Annabeth began.
"Wait, stop—!" Percy moved as if to shield Bianca, with Thalia doing the same, glaring at the God of Wine.
Bianca held up a hand to stop everyone.
"If you don't aid us, Lord Dionysus, then with Artemis as witness..." Bianca said, slowly gaining a smirk. "I will reveal that you are currently the best godly parent in the world."
The demigods, ex-nymph and goddess present had to blink and take a moment to process what Bianca had said.
"You're suppose to be threatening me, however futile, not flattering me, Michelangelo?" The oppressive aura was lifted, as Dionysus looked at her intrigued.
"The flattery is the threat." Bianca said cheekily.
"...Uh huh." Dionysus leaned back into his chair, twisting his lips into an amused smile as he waited for her to elaborate.
"You, God of Theater, went specifically after a nymph Zeus had his eyes on, somehow as if you didn't know that. And your 'punishment' was to be the Director of Camp Half-Blood, where you have to be sober and be around your kids, who are year-rounders. Meaning, you get to be a dad until they're old enough to leave camp. And you somehow did this, and no one noticed, for some reason." Bianca said with a slight smile, trying to keep any smugness from her face, expression and posture.
"...No way." Annabeth said with wide-eyes as she blinked, then looked far away in thought.
"Wait, is this true?" Percy asked looking around confused.
"Di immortals." Thalia said mouth agape, before she covered it with her hands.
"Dionysus, is this true?" Artemis asked with a raised eyebrow, not sure to be amused at how this "threat" turned out, or bother to raise the respect she held for the God of Wine (which was fairly low) up a few notches for this ingenuity and self-sacrifice on his part.
"No, she's crazy I have no idea what's she's talking about." He said quickly, yet couldn't help the slight amused smirk on his lips. The threatening aura was completely gone now, only one of slight mirth remained.
"So, Lord Dionysus, if you don't help us, or even more so, actively turn us into dolphins or something of the like, and Lady Artemis ends up failing without us. Not only would she be telling the Council of Olympus on you refusing to help us and also ensuring your failure, she'll also tell them about your masterful deception." Bianca said cheekily, yet it kinda felt like she was just playing things up at this point, rather than being serious.
"Indeed, Dionysus." Artemis said, playing along. "Should you not aid them, then a little birdie might tell father something."
"Really, Artemis?" Dionysus raised an eyebrow, as he took another sip of his diet cola can.
"Mr. D is the 'best godly parent'? What? Did he hit us with madness already?" Percy said to himself in disbelief.
Dionysus snorted and laughed again.
"Oh wow, Jameson hurt himself in his confusion and I didn't do anything yet. Today is turning out to be my lucky day." Dionysus laughed.
"How the heck do you know Pokemon?" Percy asked.
"Same way your satyr friend knows—Oh there he is." He frowned in confusion for a second. "Why the heck is he playing in the water? Who's he talking to?" The god said to himself before shaking his head. "Even if I'm... interested in this idea, you don't have something good enough to pay me with—" Dionysus began.
Bianca had her palm down, and from the shadow of her palm, her drew the godly payment.
"Would you do it for a Golden Apple?" Bianca asked, sounding like Dora the Explora, or another children mascot.
"..." Dionysus just looked between the apple, to Bianca a few times, before looking at Zoe. Then back to Bianca. "You're gonna need a second one for me to even—"
"Two Golden Apples?" She said with a turn of her head, cheekily. She flipped her hand, then turned it back holding two apples.
"One for every person that need this as actually a blessing, even if temporarily." Dionysus just threw out his offer.
Bianca looked back raising a hand, to see who was with her. Percy raised a hand in obvious solidarity, with Thalia with him, and Annabeth as well.
Zoe started to raise her hand, but Artemis grabbed her hand and put it down. Zoe tried not a pout.
"Five Golden Apples? And I'm including two for Percy to please ask you not to overdo it for him, and do keep the Madness as a boon and temporarily." Bianca said.
"Oh come on, I know Mr. D doesn't like me, but he wouldn't—" Percy began.
"Oh I totally would, Percival." Dionysus nodded, making Percy frown and glare at him. "So okay, you want me to do this delicate blessing for Jameson over there, but are you sure you don't want me to put the same effort for all of you?" He said with an amused look.
"Okay, so final offer eight Golden Apples, right? Done." Bianca nodded, as she summoned the needed apples and threw them into a fire prepared by Annabeth beforehand.
The golden apples vanished and appeared on the disk of the astonished God of Wine.
"...Did you steal the fucking tree or something!?" He finally asked, unable to keep his incredulity hidden anymore.
With a childish smirk, Biance gestured for Percy, and with a similar grin on his face, he turned the mist rainbow to the side, showing...
"Did you say a... Tree of Golden Apples?" Bianca said with that same infliction as a children's show announcer.
The God of Madness bellowed out in laughter most earnest.
"Is it working?" Thalia said looking at her hands, as if that would show her if her perception changed.
She then looked around her, trying to see if something different happens.
"I don't really feel any different." Percy shrugged. "You feel anything, Anna... err, Annabeth, you good?" He blinked as he looked at his friend.
"Yeah, I'm good, Percy~." Little Annie (Thalia had to remind herself, not-so-little anymore) with a wide relaxed smile. "I'm just chilaxing. No need to be stressed with worrying too much you know. Let's go disembowel a titan and win this shindig."
"Errr... okay?" Percy said nervously. "Thalia, do you think... Woah."
"What?" Thalia blinked.
"You're flying, well, standing on air."
Thalia looked down.
"Well damn." Thalia looked up and smiled. "Guess I'm Wonder Woman."
"No, you're not!" Annabeth protested. "You're Tha... Tha..."
"Themyscira?" Asked Percy.
"That's Wonder Woman." Thalia nodded to herself.
"No!" Annabeth protested again.
"Superwoman?" Percy offered as a suggestion.
"If she's 'Superwoman'," Bianca entered the conversation, yet she was looking at a dark blob in between her hands. She was giggling as she was playing with a solid shadow. "Then I'm the ruler of darkness." Then her eyes widened as she looked up with a big smile. "I'm Batman!"
"No you wouldn't. You would be Batwoman." Annabeth insisted.
"I'm not gonna be Superwoman, that's just a derivative of Superman." Thalia protested. "I'm me, I'm..." she paused in thought. "You know, me. The Demigod, Daughter of Zeus."
"Our friend?" Percy said.
"My older sister!" Annabeth said with a wide smile as she hugged the legs of the flying Thalia. It made it look like she was carrying her up.
"Thanks, Annie but I meant me as in... you know, Wonder Woman." Thalia smile, before finishing her statement. Her name escaping her for a moment.
"Let's just go kill Assholelas, and then figure out your name after words." Bianca said with a nod, that was returned by the others. "And remember Percy," Bianca said to Artemis. "If you can't do earthquakes, then do earthquakes in the titan when you punch him. No, wait, that's suppose to be the entire plan!" She said pointing her finger. Artemis gentle took her hand, and pointed it at Percy. "Ah, thanks! Wow, gods really are amazing."
"Are they alright, my lady? Will they actually be able to fight?" Zoe said worried. "They... just seem like normal drunks."
"It's fine, let's just point them at Atlas and it would all work out." Artemis said with a sigh.
"How am I suppose to cause an earthquake inside his body?" Percy asked in desperation.
"Titans are huge. They have huge guts, so like, think of it like causing a tsunami in them." Thalia suggested, as she moonwalked in the air, and giggled to herself.
"Wouldn't that just make him shit himself?" Percy asked, worried.
"Haha! Yeah, do it! Fucking do that!" Thalia laughed. "Right, Zoe? Let's make Atlass shit himself." She raised a hand for a high five.
"I'd... rather we just kill him." Zoe said, meeting the high five then carefully pulling Thalia to the ground, let's she flew too far up and away.
Thalia landed and stumbled then chuckled and walked normally.
"Look, Percy, the human body is like 75% water, so just make that vibrate like an earthquake or a tsunami when you punch him." Bianca suggested.
"No, it is not." Annabeth firmly stated. "The average amount of water in an adult human by percentage is about 60%, but it can vary from a lot of factors like age, diet and the like to go from as low as 50% to as high as 75%."
"So I was right?" Bianca asked.
"No! That's not pedantic enough!" Annabeth admitted. "Point is, water would only be 60% of their body, what makes up the rest to reach 75% would be other liquids in the body like blood, lymph, and other bodily fluids such as cerebrospinal fluid, digestive juices, and intracellular and extracellular fluids—"
"You don't need to mention all that." Zoe shook her head.
"I think I'm gonna be air sick." Thalia said.
"Don't throw up in Asterios' home. That's rude." Bianca warned.
"Nope, I'm good." Thalia stood back straight looking fine.
"So if they have 60% of their body as water, and 75% total fluids, then an adult titan would 135% of their body being liquid." Percy said with wide eyes. "Woah! I can do near one and a half damage to my enemies with earthquake punches." He said in amazement.
"Exactly!" Annabeth smiled and nodded with pride at her pupil. She turn turned to the Sorceress Queen of Crete. "Now, take us to the battlefield, Bull Mama!"
Artemis slowly raised a hand to cover her face.
"Very well!" Pasiphaë said with cheer. She clapped her hands once, and a stairway opened before them. "This should take us straight into the fight. I made the entrance a bit away so we can sneak in. Although we can arrive at the battlefield where you wish."
"Sweet! Now, remember everyone, ears, eyes, nose, mouth and dick. We need to stab Atlas in all those parts!" Bianca said cheerfully.
"LEEROY JENKINS!" Thalia blasted off into a flight again, flying in a wonder woman pose. As she disappeared into the tunnel, her voice echoed again. "WHO THE FUCK IS 'LEEROY JENKINS'?"
"After her!" Percy cried out and jumped down the flight of steps, with other following after him.
"Hey, dad?" Castor asked as Dionysus and his kids were watching on HephaestusTV, as the demigods, Artemis, her Hunters and a monster, try to slay a Titan.
"Yeah?" Dionysus said, raising an eyebrow.
"Can we finally bring out the 'World Best God Dad' t-shirts yet?" Pollux continued the question.
"No, because if I have to deal with other demigods being annoying jealous little shits, that means more work for me." Dionysus grunted.
"Why not just teach us how to do this Madness stuff already?" Pollux whined.
"Yeah, after today I don't think anyone is gonna buy the whole 'can only make grapes and vines grow' shtick either." Castor added.
Dionysus snorted, and gave them that look that said, later.
Then with a snap of his finger, the God of Theater made the TV become a projector wall the size of a cinema.
And with that, the demigods of Camp Half-Blood gathered to witness something rare. A Quest that nearly all the gods were actively interested in. In those occasions, they got to watch too.
Wonder Woman, the Daughter of Zeus, flew with a gleeful laugh bubbling in her chest and throat, till she let it out.
This was amazing. Why didn't she ever try this before?
She couldn't remember the reason. Probably not important. Kinda like how she can't remember her name.
No. Wait. Her name was important.
But she was so many things.
Wonder Woman. Zeus' kid. Demigod. Leader of Camp Half-Blood (Unofficial). Child of Prophecy. Just so many titles and names and responsibilities.
But who was she? Really? Deep down? Who was she?
Everyone kept telling her who she was.
Well, fuck'em. They can't reach her up here, while she was going down there.
What was she thinking about again?
The tunnel opened up to a very big, very wide, seemingly endless cavern with her at the ceiling. Nice.
And oh look, a damsel needing my distress! No, wait, that's not how that goes.
Regardless. She called on that tingle along her skin, the static that's always with her.
She drew on it more, and more, and more, far more than she ever did. It felt like rain on her back and limbs. Like a thousand shots of caffeine telling her to take the world as her own.
She grabbed that static, shaped it into a long spear, and as the titan neared the damsel bull, like a big damn hero, Wonder Woman interrupted the execution.
BOOM!
The Titan was blasted back as thunder shouted and echoed throughout the cavern, signaling and welcoming her arrival her arrival.
The air dance and beckoned to her will, ready, eager to dance with her and the endless static pulled taut like a string, just a gentle breeze enough to let it spring.
The Titan stood up and shouted, but that wasn't important.
"WOOHOOO! HAHAHAHAHA!"
That Visual Novel introduced her to a lot of concepts and media. It was a gateway really. From the game to anime and to tropes.
The Big Damn Hero saves the day, get the Glory and the Girls (gonna have to work on that one, she liked guys) and they work on all their shit through their fights.
In anime, therapy was beating the shit outta people.
And Wonder Woman had a lot of trauma to work through.
So what was important? Carving her name into the carcass of this giant fuck.
"OOOOOH! I'MMA ABOUT TO MAKE A NAME FOR MYSELF HERE!"
Clouds covered the cavern ceiling and lightning descended like rain.
So that all would know my name!
The lightning concentrated on Atlas, leaving the Damsel Asterios alone.
And as she flew through the thunderstorm, it all started congregating over her, making her seem like she was wearing an elemental force as armor.
"AND THAT NAME IS!" She scream in laughter as she pulled her arm back, letting all that electric power run down her arm into her fist, glowing like a white sun.
She flew toward Atlas who was screaming in rage at being electrocuted, and for further measure was held by lightning binding him down like chains.
Thalia Grace let loose everything with her fist.
"THUNDER PUNCH!"
And the titan's world became blinding light and pain.
AN: Stopping here to not lose more motivation. Next chapter is straight forward a continuation rather than any deviation. There's nothing else, no side event or the like to show, it's just straight up gonna be a divine slug match for the next three chapters.