We dont own it okay fuck dandkddd,\

Chapturd 3: Best Boy Prefect Head Boy Baby Infant Boy Milquetoast Baby Boy

It was the next day. The first day of school, really. Harry awoke in a pool of snot-snotty boo-boo. He wasn't ready to face the day yet, so he turned off all of the alarms that he set on his iPhone 6s G LTE 4G network Verizon Wireless Can You Hear Me Now 15 minutes on insurance phone. But then he got a Pokemon Go alert, and that woke him the fuck on up!

Charmander was there.

Harry took the anal beads out his ass and cleaned them thoroughly with one of Ronal'ds hand made sweaters. It was on the floor, who cares!? Ready for the day? I THINK NOT! Harry had to still take a shower, a bath, get in the sauna, sweat it out, deadlift his 250, eat an all-peanut butter protein shake, rip his blouse up to be cooler, put on his robes, catch a quick cold, get over his cold, get over himself, get over his ex, and brush his teeth.

Harry wore today on this day, a dumpling-shaped top-hat filled to the brim with steaming meats. Not really. That's what we over at HQ like to call a dumpling joke. But for real now, Harry wore some simple slacks and a dumb ass sweater vest because remember, we're in England. He looked a little dumb and chubby, just like I do most of the time. He also wore his wizard ass cloak thing and a wand for coolness, and a grandfather clock charm attached to his wand. He didn't know his grandfather. Harry was an orphan by trade.

Harry looked across the room and saw that Ron Weasley was starck and also buck and also butt-naked. He was emitting light from his paleness. His orange cheeto pubes were a little dusty and tangled, and that's just alright. We all have those days. Luckily, Harry had a cool landing strip. But enough about that. It's gross. Sorry. Also boys are gross.

Long story short, the boys got ready for the day and left the dorm and like went to class and stuff.

In the hallway, a dirty asshole blonde elitist who is also a little bit sexy um but mostly nazi-like came chumpling down the hallway, wholeheartedly. Hearty like a winter's stew!

"HEY CHUMBALAYA BOYS. I HEARD FROM A REPUTABLE SOURCE THAT UR A COUPLE OF WUSSES. WHATCHU GON DO. YOU WONT. DONT ME."

Harry and Ron did their best to ignore him, because he was a grade A bully. And they knew how to say no to bullies.

"MY NAME IS MALFOY. NOT DRACO. AND DONT U FORGET IT LIKE U DID BEFORE WHICH IS WHY I HAD TO INTRODUCE MYSELF JUST NOW."

The boys were getting a tad ruffled in the feather regions by now.

"UR FREND HERMOINE MAKES MY LIL PEEP STAND ON ITS OWN. THATS NEVR HAPPERNED B4. WILL U GIV E HER THIS NOTE FOR ME?"

Okay, now things were getting personal. Harry and Ron were chuffed. Chuffed. Cheuffed, I say.

"Heck no!" They sighed and yelled, nervously, whilst scurrying away like little bitches on their trikes. Malfoy threw the note at them and it landed in Ron's left buttcheek. He didn't notice. But it stayed in there all day. And maybe even longer?

Anyway, all the students made their ways to their calsses. Harry and Ron had first period together, and Her mione also was in that class at that time. The class was: Divination with Professor Tr4elawney! So they went.

They made it to class in that attic place and also they fell off a couple cases of stairs on the way, resulting in bloody noses all-round. With like blood clots that go down your throat and stuff. Prof Trelw was um telling kids to do stuff with tea and also STFU.

"Basically look at that tea leaves and tell me what it is in there remaining." She said.

"This is bull-crap!" cried one cool student named Hermione. She didn't believe in this nonsense bullcrap class.

"Fuggin-A!" said another cool student named Hermione. There were two Hermione's in this class. How Confusing! Our Hermione is called Hermione G. to clarify. Anyway basically everyone in the class didn't believe this shit, except for the witchy girls. They were like really into it. But kind of fakely. Idk. Trends.

"So guys, what the heck did ur tea leaves happen to look like HMMMMMMMM?" Prof Trelw was asking ya boi HP directly.

"Yo prof, I think I might see with my eyes a thing or two in this mug I mean cup I mean fine china fine dining." sighed harry

"Surely thats a wand u bugger-shit." exclaimed Rond. "I mean, it's just so obvious. What with you are a wizard and all" ron said that.

The prof bae strolled on over to the boyz and looked deeply into the fine china and farted one.

"Oh honey boys, I know a BBC when I see one" explained prof Tralw with a side smirk made in heaven.

Everyone were real confused. Or at least acting like it.

"The fuck u mean?" screamed one lucky student named Snacker.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, big black cock-BBC! OBVS! Children these days don't even watch some kinda quality porn or somethin?" Stormed Prof Trelaw.

"Golly, what could it mean?" sighed our favorite hero. Harry Potter. The boy who was like alive.

SO they left class and meandered thru the halls, avoiding cock-blocks for obvious reasons. Cock-blocks=Ron's stupid brother Pursey. More like Pussy. He had been a Best Boy Prefect Head Boy Baby Infant Boy Milquetoast Baby Boy since year 1, and I aint takin about that shitty Jack Black movie. He was a total DILF. and a cock block also. Starring John Cena.

They managed to avoid him though.

"Haryr, What do you think this tea leaf reading could mean? I still think it's a wond, OBVIOUSly that dumbass witch doesn't know a wand from a large, dark member, or even a whackadoo." complained mercilessly Ron.

"IF YOU ASK me," started Hermione "this shit is so fake and bullshitty and um idk likehow could tht be real it doen't follow logic likeu know but magic does so"

"Sod off, the both of you!" sighed Harry.

"Wowowoowowowwowww, OKAY, what's in ur butthole?" said both of the crew at once.

"The Babadook." sighed Harry, as he walked away. Mic Drop.

Harry couldn't help but think of Dobby as he walked away, and what could be lurking under that fashion forward potato sack that he sported. He also was clenching his butt as he walked away, as the Babadook was indeed in there. He wasn't lying. It hurt.

It was mid-morning lunch time, and the gang met up after Harry walked to the end of the hallway, then turned around, meeting his friends exactly where he left them. He needed some time to think, you see.

Harry's pants were sweating, as he was dreading going to the Great Hall and seeing his little shaky cock-sleeve serving up food.

When they got there, though, they were surprised to see construction. The great hall had a big chain-link fence around it with a sign that had "Vladimir Tootin' Cumstrction Cumpany" emblazoned loud and proud. It also had a sign below that said "no friends allowed."

"Looks like that Chick-Fil-A is going up." Ron commented, steadily.

"Oh Fank God, I 'ate fuggin house-elf food. Makes me sick to me little trousers and skirt and vericose veins, it does!" Chimed in Hermione, who in this story actually kind of hated house elves. Because let's be real here. They're gross.

"Let's just grab some toast out of the gutter, guys." sighed Harry, disappointed but relieved. But not relieved of the Babadook. Anxious poo.

The gang went on over to the nearest dirty ass stinking Hagrid-piss filled gutter and slowly but certainly dug some old soggy toast from within. It was deliciously crisp and warm. Magic. How cool.

They then went on to their next class, DADA (defense against the dark arts for those of you losers who dain't know).

"HEY guys" touted Neville, "I head there's a new DADA teacher I mean Prof teaching this year. Everyone is really excited to meet him. He's apparently a celebrity, who's been in many movies with starring roles! MY gran is wet with excitement over it, and wants me to get her sneak pix of his naked body if possible. Oh, Gran. What a scoundrel!"

Was it true? Wow, could be! A cooooooooool new teacher who was also a celeb? No way!

Yes way.

All them students went in all filed in a line and such, and sat down on the floor because the school was doing budget cuts and couldn't afford seats. Probably because they were hiring celebrities willy-nilly. The stoods were anxoius to see who the fuck was the new teach.

The room went quiet when the kids heard some angry, muffled quacking outside the door.

"Did Looney Luna smuggle and choke to death a duck AGAIN?!" cried one fateful student, in confusion and disbelief.

But no. Soon after that comment was made, the students spied a portly, hunched, white shape waddle in with a cane and a top hat.

"Our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is...Scrooge McDuck?!"

Surprise rang out in the room or something. Also Neville farted silently and hoped nobody would know it was him, especially in all the confusion of a duck cartoon character being their new teacher.

"Quack. Just kidding. I can speak proper English, just like any other gent about town. I am a duck, though, don't get me wrong. I love a good pond scum and ass-shaking as much as the next duck."

The room was a little bit silent.

"Who the fuck popped a whiffer or pooped?" Cried Cletus DeGufrey, a cool student.

"There's a duck!" yelled an upperclassman.

This classroom was a fucking wreck.

Hermione wasn't yelling or sniffing farts, though. Hermione was lovestruck. Scrooge McDuck, who she had seen in film, was always a bit of a dumbass to her, until now. Seeing him in person: that classic sly smile as he burned money with his cigar, that cool hunched old man back, those tail feathers! OH WHEE! Hermione quietly scooted to the back of the classroom where she could use her wand in peace ;)

Class resumed with little incident, beside lots of farting and screams and quacking and also a lesson in defending urself against some dark arts.

As class let out, Hermione and the gang left the room, quietly. Hermione didn't have words after that magykal class. Harry was always quiet because he sucks. And Ron was just in a quiet mood. It was time for afternoon lunch.

"Maybe the Great Hall is open now?" questioned Ron, silently.

They went to the great hall and now there was a second sign now that read "go eat lunch at that outside eating area that u never heard about before there's lots of toast being served up."

So the boys and Hermione went to the Pavillion. It was a tent shittily set up outside the front gates of Hell. It was raining and water was all over the seating that was available. Many house elves could be seen carrying shitty styrofoam to go boxes to each student as they sat down in their individual puddles of piss. Harry looked around nervously, but did not see Dobby.

The youths sat down and got soaked to the tits with wet water and peepee. All of a sudden, Dobby came out of a big fucking door made of stone and fire, clad in a homemaker's apron and his classic shit-sack. He was carrying an all-styrofoam tray feat. three styrofoam to go boxes, styrofoam napkins, and three styrofoam cups with lids to disguise the four loko inside. He made a B-line to Harry and the gang.

Harry cringed and was wet with water and piss. He was blushing and his scar was burning all of a sudden.

"Ouchie-woo-woo Bears!" sigh-cried Harry.

Dobby approached really fucking fast for his size. He slammed the styrofoam tray down in front of the gang with such force that it made Harry's nipples bleed. He had a dark expression. All of the four loko poured out of the cups with the force of Dobby's slam. Slam dunk. Into my heart.

"Dobby has been looking for Harry Potter! Why is Harry Potter avoiding Dobby?!" Dobby shreiked with pure animal rage.

"What? You just told me to piss off last chapter!" Harry reciprocated.

"Well, Dobby has very conflicted feelings, Harry Potter, and it would be best if Harry Potter did not play with them so!"

Dobby stormed off, but left his gifts of spilled four loko and food.

Everyone was so shocked that they didn't mention a thing. They just quietly opened their to-go boxes. Inside Ron and Hermione's boxes were two pieces of plain white bread with a single slice of american cheese and some mayo packets. Typical.

"Whoa, Harry, you've got something different in yours!" Cried Ron, jealous as hell.

It was true. Harry's to-go box contained a very elaborate Middle-Eastern feast very beautifully plated with a rose on top. He also had the mayo packets, and, on the side was a fresh dead rat. The rat's fur was wet and matted, and it had bite marks all over. There was one of Dobby's teeth stuck in the rat's nape of the neck. Must have been a cultural thing.

END OF CHAPPIE and I don't mean the robot in that shitty Die Antwoord movie, starring Hugh Jackman.

How'd yall like it, huh? LEAVE SOME Comments, why don't you? And while you're at it, make some fan art! What's wrong with yall?

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"There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction."

- Salvador Dalí