Harry and his new pet, Bloody Valentine the Eagle who Pickles for Christ the Unborn, were trying very hard to not rob a bank. They were running on pure adreanile adrenaline and hand sanitizer and only 2 hairs on my cat's ahss.
IT was a bit snowy, and many many mountains had been crossed, and would need crossing. Luckily, Harry had his mountain crossers and his yak traks for which to cross mountains and trak yaks, and for added measure, the wolves could track 'im down if they would love that but he won't force it. He aint a brute. Unlike Hagrid.
The helicoptored in somewhere. I don't know where.
Probably Hogwarts. Yeah, let's say that.
"Absolutely, brilliant!" said Ron, harried and rough like an elk in heat.
Ron had just invented the modern litter box as we know it today. The whole school erupted in song to celebrate:
"It's the modern litterbox as we know it today! HEY!" except they all were in their own houses alone and not together.
Luna Love goods mother rolled in jer Beacsuse for fun. Rolling was easy, for a dead person. All she could do with her days was roll. Whilst rolling a cigar hung from her lowest lip.
"Picture this, Imagine this if you will: Paper white sand, crispy bits of paper white dusty sand with a dust. Rolling hills of white papery sand kind of like dusty. A soft breeze blew through air if a single foot sinks in. It's puffed up dust will attack the lowest hanging of thou tummy. IT. It's here. It lowers it's haunches to greedily fill thine sand pit with its dumplings of decadency. Much like a wire transfer of money, from you to ME. When YOU send ME MONEY. PLZ SEND mONEY TO ME. Link in bio. A wisp of sacred sacral air breeches the perfect smooth dusty dunes, musch like a dolphin breech through waves. A TOOT TOot toot. Wow an echo. It made wind, It may have had crazy snaggled toothed heavily drugged non alcoholic Four Loko bitch with horses and boyfriend see, boys, this is the premise of my new invenshun. Urinary tract infections are getting smarter, and this is a litter box. Tackle your cats seriously nasty problem and please go to the vet, nasty. But this 2 part litter bocs system tm looks real nice up there where you want when you get it. Put it nects to a fluffy toilet pee. When you go in da baffwomb u might step in it and get whittle bits on yo feet that you track into yo bed. You really don;t4a4aa know if it was your boogers or not betwixt the sheets getting on your legs. You're confused. You have night terrors. NIGHT TERRORS. You're suffering, You suffer bad. Day and night. I'm so scared, how long have I been awake. 3? 4 years? Too."
Someone in the aundinence raises their hand. "I ga go baffoom." they said. "==3." they also said. "PERFECT timing, COME onto the stage." Ron says with a beckoning wave. The audience was rapt. Their nipple pearled.
"Tell us your name, son." smiled Ron, averagely. He has poppy seeds stuck in his teef.
"My name is Kirk Ad Rad Wad Wad of Gum and I'm a second-year Huffle Puff from New York City. I have a bowl cut and cheese on my upper lip, and my lower lip, in turn. I am most afraid of Wolves and Bears out of all the amnimals that I can think of right now. And I ga go poopoo and peeps and maybe diahread."
"Am I lucid dreaming?" replied Ron. He pinched himselfe, just to be sure. He wasn't. Cheers to that, mate. Timing is everything.
"LEts 'ave a demonstration! MATES"
And so they did. The student, Kirk, stepped into the litter bocks tidily and neatly folding his clothing nearby. The clothing was from H&M. He was entirely naked and necked. He had many necks. In a ripped kind of way. His neck was ripped in a working out kind of way, not in a deadly wolf attack type of way. YET…
He squadded downwards, anally, and pointed his quirky rear towards the white sandy pearl-like sands of litter in the bocks. His anus was bent. He knees weren't. Intead of bending his knees, he bends space and time so that his butt ends up downward because of an oval-shaped portal and the poo ends through a portal ending up in the litter box. The poop ended. He was finished.
The audiencce clapped their nuts, which hurt a lot. They were very excited for the new product to launch. They themselves had needed a litter box of this caliber for quite some time. At once, they all stopped clapping. Holy shit, he picked the right guy from the audience.
Ron, with a mighty snarl, screamed "AVARA CADAVARA" and launched his wond quarlterly through at Kirk, who promptly was smote. Ron had smited him, and he was pretty burnt uhhhh. CRAZY, oh my god wtf. BOOM ZAP WAPPO. WItht that spell a wippah pip that Kirk got zapped. And up went his body in burnt ash. Yep he was smited. All he was was ash in the air at this point. And that dust went down, straight all the way down landed right on inside the litter box tray with all the other litters.
Their nipples pearled.
Rob extended a deodorant flavoured armpit to the audience with chagrin and disgust and warm welcome-ish feeling. The audience fled, with glee (and malice. Yipes!)
"Yipes!" They said in a guttural moan (not unlike Moaning Crape Myrtle, a frienly ghost in a toilet.) Yes, you heard right. They all ran away bc they weren't ready for the litter box to rock their worlds.
4 hours earlier:
Harry was most excited. He recently heard of the big cosplay conventions, which were all the rage for fans of shanime. One fing u might not know about wizard cosplay is that u can't cheAT. POLYjuice potion (it makes you poly) can help. But it illegal. Harry is a fucquim criminal son of a bitch though so he done does it anyway. He got hairs. He put them in. he almost vomit but dint. He's cosplaying as Kirk, the famous one. You know im. He put on his H&M outfit which was beige cowl neck knit sweater just beiber tee shirt wrist beads ankle socks chunky platforms a cardigans, several justin beiber tees, and earring made of ankle socks that say "loverr" on his hat. The rest of his clothes were a selection of khaki slacks. He had ten, no, twenty pairs of cologne samples hanging from a swatch book on his pocket square which was stuffed tidily like a turkey into his nipple pocket. Studded belt loops, anyone? Yah. He also looked a bit like santa clause, but we're not going to bring that up right now. His wife was pregnant. He built a wife from the north pole, and it was ok bc he was poly. She was a prop, nothing more. He didn't need polyjuice, but he did it anyway with hairs. It was perfection. They were cosplaying as Chukie Finster as a reindeer, all grown up. Who? Not sure. Someone.
He had a leg up on the convention. Everyone else was dressed as a cat fart. Hot, but not exactly in the same lane. Haryr was on top, like Beyonce in heat. So he went. And dominated.
WAIT NO HE FORGOT he wanted breakfast first. He was thinking Panda Express? Yeah some crab rangoons and dirtmein. And dirt cups. General turt's chicken. You know. Yummmmmmmmm~~~~~
Harry and his pregnant wife prop take a taxi to the great hall, hoping to seeDobby cooking up something yummy lovin from the oven. Hott and ready for his big big belly. His belly so big ;) it needed waffle and egg to fill it up all big. He pictured it jiggling and shivered a spicy one that gave him mumps. He actually got stimulated enough to dump a log in his trousers, which, in turn, made him run to the lou.
Dobby's parents were in town, but they didn't come visit him.
Harry when he walked in after pooing and doingling a lil saw Dobby doubled over, double double doil and doily trouble over a biggie witchy pot, all toiling and sucky wucky. Harry would have surprised him in a cute n sexy stylish way, much like Harry Styles (goodness, he's a catch!) I started seeing ribs, so you know I hallucinated. Hence this chapter.
Ok the real deal is dobby was hunched over a loose toilet in the middle of the great hall, muttering some incomprehensible spell….or incantation,,,,,,something strange. Harry inched closer, sniffing in wonder. He sniffed a dookie. It was just the one he did in his pants tho. Back to the story. So dobby, he was fuckign screatching over this toilet in a fury when harry startled him so hard he yelped a lil one. "Harri potta. What its ye doing in me bafoom?" dobby screeched in desire and confusion. "Dobby, I, I don't know how to tell you this, but well, see here, you are actually a dork."
"I"LL SHOW YOU DORK" spat Dobby, worms. Worms came out of the toilet at Doby's command and started strangling Harry'swife as a warning. Harry's scar burned brighter that day. And no star burned brighter than that of my sweet Anastasia, my youngest granddaughter.
But mainly Harry's wife got strangled. It was neat, if you're into worm strangle. As Dobby moved on to Harry, Harry knew in his dirty little big big belly, and his heart, that Dobby was very likely Voldermort. It was heartbreaking. And also a little hot in a masochism sort of way. If you're into worm-strangling.
Harry ran outta there and just went to the convention instead. He didn't want to deal with his problems right now.
At teh convention, jHarry saw Jerry Seinfeld multiples times. Harry got lice multiple times. From Jerry Seinfeld. His favorite louse was a big burley guy named CHot. Chot knew Jerry adnd now Harry too. Hot breath noodle soup was what was sold at the convention. That, and litter bockes, a new invention that Harry'd never heard of. He thot maybe he'd check out the presentation to find out more about the revolution of cat piss, farts, toots, shit,s , poops, Paul McCartney, and dumps.
Harry decided to eat before going to the litter panel. He went to the horse meat food truck which was parked inside a Footlocker next door. Harry ordered the #2, which means he asked for a smalls poopoo on the food. He also ordered a horse fetus. Or so the lore says….
When teh guy gave it to him, instead of payment, Harry just sighed and screamed "FORCEFEED US HORSE FETUS!" aand ran away with a long cigarette and a french accent.
First, There was a phodo of Paul MCCARtney coming out of a cat's asshole into the litter box, then a presentation began of the inventor. Hermione didn't come bc she was Scrooge McDuck's officiant for his new wedding, which would feature a cheese board and he was marrying a house elf milf.
Then the presentation started and it was good. Like God, Ron was there as the inventor of something so colossally influential that he had to wear a nut-shaped top and a normal-shaped top (a men's regular crew-neck tee, black) on his nut. Harry watched with anticipation and bong-juice.
"Absolutely, brilliant!" said Ron, harried and rough like an elk in heat.
Ron had just invented the modern litter box as we know it today. The whole school erupted in song to celebrate:
"It's the modern litterbox as we know it today! HEY!" except they all were in their own houses alone and not together.
Luna Love goods mother rolled in jer Beacsuse for fun. Rolling was easy, for a dead person. All she could do with her days was roll. Whilst rolling a cigar hung from her lowest lip.
"Picture this, Imagine this if you will: Paper white sand, crispy bits of paper white dusty sand with a dust. Rolling hills of white papery sand kind of like dusty. A soft breeze blew through air if a single foot sinks in. It's puffed up dust will attack the lowest hanging of thou tummy. IT. It's here. It lowers it's haunches to greedily fill thine sand pit with its dumplings of decadency. Much like a wire transfer of money, from you to ME. When YOU send ME MONEY. PLZ SEND mONEY TO ME. Link in bio. A wisp of sacred sacral air breeches the perfect smooth dusty dunes, musch like a dolphin breech through waves. A TOOT TOot toot. Wow an echo. It made wind, It may have had crazy snaggled toothed heavily drugged non alcoholic Four Loko bitch with horses and boyfriend see, boys, this is the premise of my new invenshun. Urinary tract infections are getting smarter, and this is a litter box. Tackle your cats seriously nasty problem and please go to the vet, nasty. But this 2 part litter bocs system tm looks real nice up there where you want when you get it. Put it nects to a fluffy toilet pee. When you go in da baffwomb u might step in it and get whittle bits on yo feet that you track into yo bed. You really don;t4a4aa know if it was your boogers or not betwixt the sheets getting on your legs. You're confused. You have night terrors. NIGHT TERRORS. You're suffering, You suffer bad. Day and night. I'm so scared, how long have I been awake. 3? 4 years? Too."
Harry raises their hand. "I ga go baffoom." they said. "==3." they also said. "PERFECT timing, COME onto the stage." Ron says with a beckoning wave. The audience was rapt. Their nipple pearled.
"Tell us your name, son." smiled Ron, averagely. He has poppy seeds stuck in his teef.
Harry ad-libbed and lied a little. He wanted to surprise Ron by showing up in his cosplay and revealing himself at the end….What he didn't know was, the next thing will happen.
"My name is Kirk Ad Rad Wad Wad of Gum and I'm a second-year Huffle Puff from New York City. I have a bowl cut and cheese on my upper lip, and my lower lip, in turn. I am most afraid of Wolves and Bears out of all the amnimals that I can think of right now. And I ga go poopoo and peeps and maybe diahread."
"Am I lucid dreaming?" replied Ron. He pinched himselfe, just to be sure. He wasn't. Cheers to that, mate. Timing is everything.
"LEts 'ave a demonstration! MATES"
And so they did. The student, Kirk uh or is it Harry? Or Magic Kirk?, stepped into the litter bocks tidily and neatly folding his clothing nearby. The clothing was from H&M. He was entirely naked and necked. He had many necks. In a ripped kind of way. His neck was ripped in a working out kind of way, not in a deadly wolf attack type of way. YET…
He squadded downwards, anally, and pointed his quirky rear towards the white sandy pearl-like sands of litter in the bocks. His anus was bent. He knees weren't. Intead of bending his knees, he bends space and time so that his butt ends up downward because of an oval-shaped portal and the poo ends through a portal ending up in the litter box. The poop ended. He was finished.
The audiencce clapped their nuts, which hurt a lot. They were very excited for the new product to launch. They themselves had needed a litter box of this caliber for quite some time. At once, they all stopped clapping. Holy shit, he picked the right guy from the audience.
Ron, with a mighty snarl, screamed "AVARA CADAVARA" and launched his wond quarlterly through at Kirk, aka HArry, who promptly was smote. Ron had smited him, and he was pretty burnt uhhhh. CRAZY, oh my god wtf. BOOM ZAP WAPPO. WItht that spell a wippah pip that Kirk got zapped. And up went his body in burnt ash. Yep he was smited. All he was was ash in the air at this point. And that dust went down, straight all the way down landed right on inside the litter box tray with all the other litters.
He litterally (litter pun) just fucking killed Harry Potter, the chosen boy. For real. HE's dead.
CLIFFHANGER A LCOLOCK!
FORCEFEEDUS HORSEFETUS
"A pony is a childhood dream; a horse is an adult treasure." – Rebecca Carroll