RICKY
Why was my family so fond of keeping secrets? I would still been in the blind about my mother's relationship with her fellow officer had I not been there at that fateful Christmas party the third year my mother had been transferred to Major Crimes Dept.
No one would really know… no one could tell… they were both very subtle... Unless you know the tell-tale signs. I kissed my mother Mery Christmas as I greeted everyone in her department. I was surprised to find my mother wearing a beautiful red dress that fell until her mid-thigh, showing off her long and shapely legs. I did not think much about it even though it had been over ten years ago (I was fifteen years old) the last time I had seen her wear such a beautiful dress that had shown her feminine attributes. She had been such a no-nonsense kind of gal for years. Perhaps it had been brought about by my father's drinking and womanizing ways.
Then I noticed her smile was much brighter, and there was a tinge of glitter in her dark green eyes, a sparkle that wasn't there the last time I saw her. She didn't know how to have fun. She didn't know how to loosen up… that's how she was a year ago but tonight it was a different Sharon Raydor.
For once she was not wearing her coat of cold armor; she was having fun.
She was gay, she was free. She was unmindful of everyone's thoughts and opinions as she mingled, danced, played games… simply enjoying the Christmas party like everyone else.
She did not single out someone to dance with. There were several people all at the same time on the dance floor. She danced with three male colleagues. They mostly danced to the fast modern songs of the nineties and the 2000's. Just a night of clean, wholesome fun.
I sat near Rusty, Buzz and two nephews of Det. Sanchez who were all engaged in their own conversation as they ate dinner, my mother's things, together with her handbag, atop one of the chairs near us, a Christmas present wrapped in a mistletoe designed wrapper with a red bow stuck out of her handbag. It was too big to fit inside but it looked like my mother was hell-bent on putting it inside.
Too engrossed in their conversation, Rusty didn't notice I touched mom's handbag. The gift tag was still on it… from Andy. Who the hell was that? Was he a boyfriend?
There was a shopping bag beside her handbag that held all her other gifts from her colleagues and there was more than enough space to accommodate this gift sticking out of her purse. I was tempted for a bit to pull the gift out and put it into the shopping bag with the rest of the other gifts, but I suddenly felt guilty touching my mother's things, so I let it alone.
Since I have not personally met anyone in her department before, unlike Emily and Rusty had, I was not particularly busy hanging out chatting with them and their families with such familiarity. I mostly kept to myself enjoying the food and looking around my surroundings.
The last two songs played were upbeat music from the seventies which irritated a colleague of my mother's, who looked like he was nearing retirement anytime, and scolded the spinner.
"Can you cut out those old songs. We are all Millennials here. What are you playing for an old retirement home?"
Before the spinner could heed the request, a silver haired Lieutenant protested as "Can't take My Eyes Off You" began blaring over the speaker.
"Wait, Provenza! I like this song. Let me and Captain Raydor have this song first then you can play anything you want," said a silver-haired Lieutenant.
And then I noticed… as my mother casually took the hand offered by this Lieutenant, who by the way, was not even beside my mother when she was enjoying herself on the dance floor with other colleagues, her eyes shone brighter, her smile gleamed in an instant, putting daylight to shame, as they started the swing that looked so good I would judge it to be choreographed.
How many times have they danced this?
I know dance partners talk or whisper to each other when they were about to change a step so as not to disrupt the momentum of the dance when it was not choreographed but neither of them spoke to each other, both seemed lost in their own world, smiling at each other.
I glanced around and realized since there were other couples dancing, and people doing their own thing, nobody seemed aware that they emanated enough electricity to light up the entire six floors of the police building. I stared in awe…
Then as their dance ended, the song crossfaded to the Jets' "You Got It All", another old song, to the chagrin of Lt. Provenza. It was a slow one, and I'm sure Lt. Provenza would have twisted the arm of the spinner to change it if not for some couples who started dancing to the slow dance like mom's subordinate Detective Sykes and her police boyfriend from a different department.
"Don't you know what the word "new" meant?" yelled Provenza.
Instinctively my mother and the silver-haired Lieutenant came closer, my mother's head leaning on his shoulder, his arm around her as the slow music began.
I, I was the game he would play
He brought the clouds to my day
Then like a ray of light
You came my way one night
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
Put all my fears to rest
Then just as instinctively they fell into an embrace, they had sprung apart in a blink of an eye like they have been scalded, even before the song could progress. They smiled at each other and went their separate ways.
I shook my head in disbelief. I was not imagining things, was I?
I rushed over to the buffet table where Emily and Rusty were both helping themselves with a second serving.
"Em, is mom seeing someone?" I asked.
She hummed in disinterest, picking on the salad ingredients she wanted to put in her bowl.
"I don't know…"
Her three words seemed to hang in the air, and I stared in disbelief.
She knows something!
I glanced up at Rusty inquiringly who suddenly went stiff, avoiding my eyes, rushing to slice the leg of ham so he could get back to his seat. Guilt was written all over his face.
"Rusty?" I uttered.
He replied with a faint and barely audible "not sure…".
I know Rusty. He would have confidently and honestly reply 'None that I know of, or I don't really know' looking straight to my eye and with a solemn tone, and I know Emily! She would have jumped at the prospect of mom having a boyfriend so she would bombard me with questions and come up with plans to find out, but staring at my two siblings, one without a care in the world, and the other quivering with unease, I know they were keeping something from me.
"I don't believe it! You guys know something!" I exclaimed.
"I don't!" They both cried in protest.
The more I was convinced they knew something.
I searched the room and found the silver-haired Lieutenant and purposefully sat on an empty table near him with my plateful of desserts.
He sat with three other male officers and two females, chatting and drinking. Unlike the others who were drinking beer, he drank only soda.
Though he appeared to be active in their conversation, he would occasionally steal a glance at my mother, followed by a boyish grin that would appear on his somber expression. I hope there was nothing unholy about his thoughts.
A young, beautiful blond was pulling him out of his chair, giving him a flirtatious smile.
"Come on, Andy. Let's dance. Let's put those hips into action."
If he understood the young woman's double inuendo, it was not evident.
Andy! Okay so he was the guy who gave that too big a present to fit inside my mom's purse.
In a very nice, and friendly tone, he turned her down.
"Getting old, Sargent. I can't dance the way I used to," he laughed.
This was from a man who just minutes ago was swinging my middle-aged mother to the dance floor. Other men would find it hard to turn down a dance from an attractive young woman.
Before, my mom would often leave the party early, attending just for the sake of attending, so I'm truly surprised she stayed till it was time to pack up and everyone was going home.
Everyone was scrambling to look for family members. Say their last-minute farewell and holiday greetings to colleagues and take home some leftovers from the buffet in clear Tupperware. Holding my Tupperware filled with pasta, I scoured looking for my siblings but instead of finding them, I stumbled on something else.
In one of the corridors that I thought was empty I found Andy, grinning like a Cheshire cat, his left arm around my giggling mother, dragging her underneath a mistletoe hanging on a doorway. My mother was smiling playfully at him as she tried to wriggle free, pulling him away from the mistletoe. They pulled and pushed each other playfully around the mistletoe.
I couldn't suppress a grin. I can't believe these middle-aged people were acting like teenagers. Finally, Andy gave in, laughing, he stopped pulling her underneath the mistletoe. My mother lightly touched his cheek and flew him an air kiss before making her way outside the building. I'm certain they didn't have the audacity to kiss when their fellow police officers were only a few feet away somewhere.
I couldn't help myself. I was feeling protective of my mother. I caught up with him and tapped his shoulder.
"Ricky?" he managed to say.
I asked blatantly without blinking.
"Is there something I need to know about you and my mom?"
He didn't look the least bit upset, only surprised.
As frankly as I asked, he answered just as frankly and straightforwardly that I was left speechless.
"I love her."
When I didn't reply, he asked in a serious tone.
"Got a problem with that, boy?"
Usually, I would be angry to be called a boy. I was twenty-five for pete's sake.
I shook my head, still taken-aback by his candor.
Andy took my hand and gave me a handshake.
"Glad to hear that…"
He left me still dumbfounded for a few moments before I started my way outside the building. I found my mother impatiently waiting for me inside the car, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel while the engine was running. Emily and Rusty were at the backseat fiddling with their respective cellphones.
I slid beside my mother on the passenger's seat, apologizing for keeping them waiting.
"Just how much take out did you bring? We've been waiting for fifteen minutes," said my mother.
I apologized again and sat quietly as we drove off.
If only I had the audacity to ask my mom, the same question I asked Andy.
The protruding gift still bothered me as I stared at it in my mom's handbag beside me.
I started reaching for it. "Why don't we put it with the rest of your gifts."
Nonchalantly she replied, "Leave it alone."
I took my hand back… why did it sound like she was not talking about the gift?