Tommy did what he does best and self-sabotaged. Pulling a runner was a move he hadn't done in a while but getting his heart broken now was better than it happening later. Time to cut his losses and run, that was all. And sure, he had been vulnerable with Evan but his walls had gone up knowing that their relationship wasn't meant to last. He didn't deserve a family, knew he'd lose them eventually. It's why he tried not to get attached, even though Eddie had become one of the best friends he'd ever had. That was all down the drain now. His heart felt like it had been cleaved in half and he was never going to recover from losing the best thing that had ever happened to him. He'd never fallen this hard or this fast for anybody before, had never once felt like this in any of his previous relationships.
What he didn't expect was his doorbell to ring first thing in the morning. Tommy swung his door open and blinked at the sight of his ex-boyfriend. "Ev - Buck, what are you doing here?"
Evan visibly winced. "First off, never call me that again. Second off, fuck you. Third off, I'm here to fight for you." He glared at Tommy and stepped inside, not even waiting for the other man to invite him inside. He basically dared Tommy to argue with him about it, about anything.
"You're here to fight for me?" Tommy figured he had burned his bridges, that he had hurt Evan so thoroughly that this was an unfixable situation. Wouldn't be the first time. It was what he was best at, after all.
"Damn fucking right. Sit down, Thomas. Now," he ordered.
Any other day, Tommy would have been turned on by Evan taking charge like this but chagrined, he sat down on the couch to wait him out. He braced himself because he deserved everything he had coming for him. In an effort to protect himself, Tommy wrapped his arms around himself.
Evan blew out a breath and looked him straight in the eye. "So, the Abby thing caught me completely off guard. Guessing it's the same thing for you?" When Tommy nodded, he plowed ahead. "I let myself get caught up in the moment, went way too fast, scared the fuck out of you, and made you do a runner. That's my fucking bad. Tommy, if you're not ready to move in, that's fine. Or now that I'm here and actually thinking about it, probably would be a better idea to move in with you. Fuck, I should have thought of that sooner. Thomas Kinard, you may be the first man I've ever been with but I don't want anybody else - man or woman. Should have said this first but know that I mean it. I am head over heels in love with you. You've been letting me set the pace and I jumped the gun this time, that's on me. But we're meant to be together, and I'm not giving up on you or us. Call me out when I'm being impulsive next time, okay?"
Tommy blinked back tears and tried to choke down a sob. "Buck, please." He couldn't listen to this, it hurt too much.
"Evan," he corrected. "Use your Evan privileges. And I'm right here, Tommy. I'm not going anywhere so we can take this as slow as we want. Use your words," Evan prompted as he grabbed Tommy's hand, squeezing it to comfort him. He refused to let go this time.
He let out a somewhat saddened laugh before shaking his head. He straightened his shoulders in an effort to get up the courage to lay everything out on the line. It was time to be honest. "I'm broken, Evan. I have no one and it's my own fault. Abby deserved better, you deserve better. Anyone I've ever met deserves better. It's that simple. But God help me, I fell ass over tea kettle in love with you and it threw me for a loop. I love taking care of you, being there for you because no one's ever done that for me. You have a whole family who loves you, and I will never have that. It's a simple fact I came to terms with a long time ago."
"What, you think you're unlovable?" Evan prompted, his heart definitely breaking. Tommy's self esteem was clearly at all an all time low, and it really sucked. He saw through the cracks now, and his heart hurt for the man he loved.
"I knew that a long time ago. But it's okay, Evan, I swear."
Evan didn't look convinced at all. He growled and pulled Tommy in for an awkward hug. "A long time ago, I told my parents to love me anyway. And you know what? I'm here to love you anyway, through the good and the bad. I want to see all your highs and know your lows. I'm breaking down that wall you have up to protect yourself."
Tommy sighed, unable to look Evan in the eyes. "I love you too," he admitted, his voice cracking so hard his boyfriend winced.
"See, we're on the same page."
"I want to see your highs and lows too."
"So we'll go slow and take it at your pace now," Evan offered.
"That sounds fair. I'm really fucking sorry, you know?"
"I know. So am I. Call it even?"
"Of course," Tommy murmured. He leaned over and kissed his boyfriend, feeling at peace for the first time in days. No longer waiting for the other shoe to drop felt like such a relief and had lifted a huge weight off his shoulders, one he hadn't even realized had been there until it was gone.
They still needed to discuss a lot of shit, sort through their own various issues, but Tommy knew he and Evan could work this out as long as they talked it through and actually did the work. They were on the same page now, and could truly get to know one another. They were determined to fight for each other and this relationship.