Gibson quickly checked to make sure everything was fine or if something needed updating.
This wasn't anything unusual for him. He checked if everything was fine twice every week as part of his work. If something needed repairing or updating, then he would make that his work for the next few days.
Defences appeared to be functional, nothing was wrong with the Super Robot's weapons, nothing needed to be updated as of right now.
That was good.
He went back to what he was working on. There wasn't a big necessity to do work, they were practically fine right now, but it was something he went to when he wasn't with the others.
It was something he did when he needed to be alone and take a break from everyone.
Unfortunately, that of which had happened often enough.
He was exhausted, but he wasn't ready to go to bed yet. If he did that now, there was a chance that he wouldn't be ready to face anyone when he woke up in the morning. While it was likely he would head straight for the lab if he didn't fall asleep there, he didn't want to risk it.
Gibson didn't want to risk the chance of anyone seeing him without the mask.
He could get away with it before he had coffee. He always used the excuse that he needed it before he could talk to anyone. Regardless, he still needed the coffee to function for the rest of the day, but it was the only thing he could excuse it before he started properly masking himself.
The door suddenly whooshed open.
He hoped that the visit wouldn't be too long, as much as he loved the others. The longer he rested his mind in that aspect, the better not only for him but for everyone else as well.
He peeked behind him to see who it was.
Chiro came closer with a plate in his hands. It seemed like it was dinnertime already. Gibson didn't realize that many hours had passed since he started working.
He tapped an empty space on his desk.
"Thank you. You can put it here, Chiro."
"No problem."
Chiro did just that before he took a seat nearby.
After another minute, Gibson put the device down and took his plate. He started eating his food; he didn't realize how hungry he was until now. It was still a little hot, but he could eat it without burning his mouth.
He looked up a couple times while he ate.
Chiro still sat across from him. He smiled at Gibson. Gibson smiled back for a moment.
"You don't need to stay here. Go back and eat with the others."
"Already ate." Chiro replied. "Besides, I needed to check up on you. You've been here for a while now and I'm worried about you."
"I appreciate it, Chiro. Really, I do."
Gibson turned his seat so it faced the desk again. He took another few bites of his meal.
"However, I'm fine. It'll be done in a couple of hours, I can't stop now. There's nothing else you're neglecting, are you? Your duties, taking care of yourself, making sure the others don't need anything, nothing like that?"
The last thing Gibson wanted was for Chiro to think that Gibson didn't appreciate his company when he did. He wanted to get him out of the lab as subtly and kindly as he could.
Chiro frowned. "No, nothing like that. C'mon, Gibson, you seem tired and you need a break."
"I'm already in the middle of a break."
Chiro crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. The look on his face simply screamed "That's not what I meant and you know it."
"I mean an actual break, Gibson, not just eating dinner."
His tail twitched slightly. Gibson tapped his helmet as he chewed.
"I meant what I said. Mentally, I'm recharging my batteries, so to speak. Working tends to help me with that." Gibson answered.
"What good does that do if you look like you're about to fall asleep?"
He sighed. "Chiro, I promise I'm fine. Go, enjoy yourself for the rest of the night."
Gibson tried so hard not to sound agitated. Any and all irritation he felt wasn't towards Chiro and he didn't want him to think it was.
It was getting harder and harder to keep up that front. He began to feel more tired than when he started his isolation for the day nearly five hours ago. This was setting back what he tried to do in the first place.
He finished his food and set his plate to the side as he tried to keep himself under control.
"Not until I know you're getting rest as well." Chiro put his hand on Gibson's shoulder. He was starting to sound frustrated himself. "You've told us time and time again that rest is important, so why are you ignoring that right now?"
"Because this is my way to rest without sleeping!" He snapped, almost growling at him.
Chiro's eyes widened. He was taken aback by his reaction. Any frustration and annoyance he felt at Gibson's stubbornness disappeared. He withdrew his hand from his shoulder.
It made Gibson realize what he just did. His expression softened immediately. He mentally cursed himself out for throwing it onto Chiro like that. Chiro didn't deserve any of that.
He tried to reach out for Gibson again.
"…Gibson, I-"
Gibson's left arm swiftly moved. He grabbed it with his other hand before it got too far. His breathing became heavier.
He tightened his grip immensely to the point of trembling.
No, he couldn't let it happen.
Not with Chiro.
Snap.
"Gibson!"
Chiro was practically on top of him. He went to grab Gibson's now dented wrist.
Gibson pushed him away with his tail. He couldn't let him be close to him, not right now, not while he was like this.
He looked up at him. Everything inside felt like it was about to overflow and break through. The cracks were becoming wider and wider, and he needed to prevent it from cracking further than it already did.
The mask needed to stay on while he was here.
"…Please, Chiro." Gibson pleaded. "I'll put this down for the moment, but I need to be alone. This isn't anything personal, I promise you that."
Chiro's lips pressed together. He looked concerned for his wellbeing, and Gibson couldn't blame him. He couldn't blame him for being so surprised either.
He would be as well if he was in his position.
Gibson would rather that be his reaction than Chiro being scared of him. That was the last thing he ever wanted when it came to him.
Chiro softly sighed. "…For how long?"
It took Gibson a moment to think.
Since his time alone was interrupted, and he was practically back at the start, it would take much longer to get back the energy he needed to mask himself. It also meant any plans he had to join the others when they went to sleep went out the window.
This didn't go how he wanted at all.
"…Possibly the rest of the night." He softly answered.
He took his hand off his wrist.
The dent was much worse than he thought he made it. It crumbled a little in itself at the wrist. His hand and arm trembled, as if he had bad anxiety and it affected how they attempted to stay still. The other side of that part of the metal threatened to stick out immensely.
What he did moments prior did the job of keeping the drill from coming out, but it definitely needed attending to in the morning.
Chiro was a lot more worried about him than he was before. Gibson didn't have to face him to see that look on his face. He could tell he didn't know what to do either.
Chiro grabbed the plate from the desk.
Gibson opened one of the drawers and put the device in there to show him that he meant it. He was going to take a break, and he was putting it down for him.
He tried to take a few deep breaths. A tear went down his face, whether he wanted it to or not.
"…I'm sorry, Chiro…" Gibson said it quietly enough.
He couldn't break in front of him. He couldn't let his voice crack.
Most importantly, he couldn't let Chiro leave without apologizing for snapping at him.
Chiro frowned at the tear going down his face.
"Don't apologize, it's not your fault."
Yes, it was.
"You just needed me to leave, but…" He bent down to be at Gibson's eye level. "You're sure it's just for the rest of the night? You'll be okay by yourself?"
No, I won't be okay. I'll never be okay for as long as I'm someone you'll hate if you knew the truth.
"Yeah, I'll- I'll be fine."
He looked at Chiro. He could see every bit of worry in his eyes. He couldn't imagine what went through it right now with everything that just happened.
"Don't think this is because of you, okay? I understand you were worried about me, and I would've done the same thing for you and everyone else. It's…"
He looked away.
"It's simply a me thing here. Nothing personal against you or anyone else."
Chiro nodded in understanding and acknowledgment. He lifted one of his hands, but he hesitated to touch him.
Gibson hated how he hesitated, and he felt like it was completely his fault.
He worried about how Chiro felt about him now.
Chiro stood up and kept his hand to himself. He kept his eyes on him as he went to the door. He stopped just before he set a foot out.
"As long as you're certain you'll be okay, Gibson." He continued. "But… if you need anything, you can come find us, okay?"
He nodded. "I promise."
Gibson looked at him. He wanted to get up and give him a hug, to make up for what he did and what he was about to do had he not prevented himself.
Yet, he felt like if he did, he would fall apart in Chiro's arms. He would cry and make him more worried.
Gibson didn't want that.
So the two simply stared at each other for a moment. Not a single word between the two.
Chiro was the first one to look away after a moment.
"I'll see you later, I guess." He said.
Gibson nodded, looking away and downwards.
"…Yeah. I'll see you in the morning."
Chiro stepped out of the lab.
Gibson took a moment to compose himself before he left.
Chiro walked away, but he couldn't help but look back.
He saw Gibson leave the lab a couple minutes after he left. Gibson headed for the tubes. He shot straight up and, presumably, up his way to the sleeping quarters.
His frown never left his face.
What was he dealing with that he nearly broke into tears for? What was the reason for him looking like he was falling apart but tried to keep it from him? What was bothering him so bad that he had to hurt himself like that?
Why didn't he notice anything before?
Chiro jumped when someone touched his arm. He looked to his side to see Sprx. He let out a breath he didn't realize he held in.
"Ya alright, Kid?" He patted his arm.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Chiro looked at the tubes again. His eyes aimed in the direction where Gibson's room would be.
"I'm just worried about Gibson."
Sprx sighed. "Ya tried ta get him to take a break, didn't ya?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?" Chiro raised an eyebrow at Sprx.
"We've tried to do that before. Sometimes we got 'im to do so, other times we couldn't. I have the worst luck there."
Chiro hummed.
He went to put the plate in the sink. Sprx stayed by his side the whole time.
"Does he ever… hurt himself in front of you guys?"
Sprx raised an eyebrow.
Chiro held up his left arm and grabbed his wrist with his right hand.
"You know, him grabbing his wrist and denting it?"
"Ah, that." Sprx put his arms behind his head. "He does that with Antauri, Nova, and Otto. He sometimes does that with me, but he pulls out his drill and we end up fighting more often than not."
Chiro's eyes widened.
He did what now?!
Was that why he grabbed his wrist the way he did? So he wouldn't do that to Chiro?
"You guys never mentioned anything about that!" Chiro unintentionally raised his voice. "And- And why are you so casual about it?! Shouldn't we be doing something to help him?"
"We've been tryin' to, Kid. Ya know how hard it is ta know what's troubling him, much less know how to help him with that?" He looked at him with a serious look on his face. "There's not a lot we can do if he doesn't open up. All we can do is make sure he gets rest and that he's okay."
Chiro's expression softened.
He couldn't argue with that really. Without knowing what the issue was, not a lot could be done there. It was still infuriating, though, that they couldn't do much about it.
He sighed as he wondered if Gibson was going to be okay. What he did wasn't healthy in the slightest. He wished he could help.
Sprx grabbed his hand and lightly squeezed it.
"We'll figure it out, Kid. I know we will."
Chiro sadly smiled at him. He certainly hoped so.
Maybe he could check up on Gibson in the morning.
Gibson laid there in his bed.
Tears were streaming down his face, staining his blue and off-white fur. It likely stained the sheets right below his face as well. His sobbing was pained yet silent. He curled up into a ball even further.
The condition of his left wrist in front of him only served as a reminder of what he had to do to make sure he didn't hurt anyone he loved. It was a reminder of the lengths he went through to keep his disorder a secret from the others.
The damage he inflicted on himself didn't hurt at all, but it affected his motor function heavily.
Gibson wouldn't be able to work with his left hand until he got that fixed. He could fix it himself, but Otto did a better job at this than he ever could.
The fact he would have to go back to him yet again pained him. He would see that worried and sad look that Otto would try to hide, just like he did every time to avoid making Gibson feel worse. A simple fake grin that was to say that everything would be okay, they were here for him.
He started to cry even harder.
Gibson knew he couldn't help being sociopathic, but why did he have to be like this? Did the universe want him to suffer, feel like he could never truly be happy or free? Was he meant to loathe himself for the rest of his life?
Am I so awful that I should never take the mask off?
He didn't know, and it scared him. Masking exhausted him beyond belief. Fearing that the people he loved to pieces would view him as a monster if they knew the truth scared him to death. It was almost as bad as his fear of losing his intelligence.
Nights like this, where he could've scared or even hurt the people he loved from that exhaustion, were the worst nights he had. It made him feel like a monster that he had to keep down. It made him feel like he should lock himself up to make sure he could never do something he would regret.
However, Gibson knew that wouldn't help the issue any.
Everyone would be worried sick if he locked himself in the lab. It would make them think there was a problem more than they possibly already believed.
He didn't want to do that to any of them.
After a few minutes of crying, he opened up his bed and sat up.
He looked over to one part of the bedroom. The sides of the bed illuminated the room well enough to see every part of it, even if it wasn't too bright.
Gibson got off the bed. He walked over to one of the bookshelves. He moved one side enough to get access to a certain spot.
One light hit and his room's secret compartment opened up.
He grabbed the only piece of paper he needed to take; he closed the secret compartment and moved the bookshelf back.
His eyes were glued to the page as he walked back to his bed. It was one that had his diagnosis documented on it, both his ASPD and his OCD.
His medical files were kept in here instead of where everyone else's were. He felt paranoid that somebody could accidentally come across his files and find out what he was through that. It was one of the last things he wanted to happen.
So he took them and put them where only he would find them.
All Gibson looked at on that singular piece of paper were the symptoms for his ASPD.
A high sense of superiority, extremely opinionated, easily irritable, aggressive, disregard to personal safety and wellbeing, no remorse 75-80% of the time.
There was another thing listed, but it was blacked out. It was like that for as long as Gibson could remember, so he didn't do that himself. The only reason he could think of for it to be blacked out like that was that he improved on it where it wasn't an issue nor was it applicable to him anymore. Otherwise than that, he didn't know why it was blacked out.
He didn't know what it was, either, and he was afraid to attempt to know.
Gibson read everything so many times that if it was possible to burn that information in his head yet again, it would be.
He forced himself to gulp, to swallow back everything before it crawled out of his lips and eyes. He didn't know how much more he could do without falling asleep the way he was now. He didn't know if he had more tears to shed tonight either.
Gibson put the paper back where it was.
He went into the bathroom to clean up and dab the tears off his face. No rubbing, he had to remind himself to keep his face from getting irritated.
He even splashed some cold water on his face. It kept his face cool enough so it didn't look like he was crying, even as he gently dried it.
Afterwards, he quietly went over to Chiro's room. He made sure the door opened silently so it didn't alert anyone nor would it wake him up.
Chiro slept peacefully, and he was off course drooling on his pillow. Not exactly abnormal, but not too common of a sight to see either.
Either way, it was disgusting and he didn't want to touch it.
Gibson went over to him. He moved some hair out of Chiro's face. He kissed his forehead.
"I'm sorry, Chiro," he whispered. "I love you. I hope you know that."
Chiro lightly moved in his sleep, but Gibson didn't know if he heard him in his subconscious. It was a little hard to tell.
Either way, he said what he felt like he needed to say before he went back to his room.
Gibson laid down and held his glowing purple receptacle in his arms. He laid there until his eyes felt heavy. He slowly closed them as he drifted off to sleep.
Why bother masking if they'll hate you in the end anyway?
That was the last conscious thought in Gibson's mind.