Content warning: this chapter makes some references to alcohol abuse, drug abuse, suicide, and physical abuse. Reader's discretion is advised.
Chapter Two
Yuichiro's words during the speech had been most kind, and Rei appreciated hearing them as she spoke to those offering their condolences. Unfortunately, at the end of the line of well-wishers, she could see Father. Oh, god! I've died and gone to hell!
Rei swallowed bile as the line shrank one person at a time. She considered pretending to be sick to get out of seeing the man. If he's at the end of the line, he's trying to ambush me into a conversation. "Hello, daughter," Father spoke in his usual saccharine politician's voice.
"You came to pay your respects, I hope," she didn't acknowledge him.
"Rei, while I'm sure your grandpa would appreciate you continuing his work, you need to think about your needs."
"I am," she replied short, without hesitation, "I am needed here, and I intend to maintain the family's shrine."
"Rei, the world has moved on; he's moved on!"
"My family has held this shrine since the days of the Shogunate," Rei hoped he'd take the mention of her family as the insult it was intended to be. "Just because times have changed doesn't mean that traditions come to their end!"
"Rei," he held up a hand, "I know you're upset, but there is no need to be emotional about this. The land the shrine is on is quite valuable, and it could set you up for life if you sold it, now."
"Upset…" hot tears spilled as her fists clenched, "… is what I was when you abandoned Mom to go play your little political games!" Rei spat forth hot breath like a dragon, hoping to immolate this caricature of a man. "Upset is what I've been for the last twenty year as you secretary sent flowers or a gift in your name on my birthday because you couldn't be bothered to show up!" Rei got in his face and locked eyes with him, wondering what part of her actually came from this monster, "So, tell me, old man, just what the hell am I feeling right now!"
Father raised his hand, getting ready to slap her cheek for her insolence. He'd been neglectful to the point that it killed Mom. Why wouldn't he be physically abusive, too. Rei didn't tense for the strike, nor did she expect her father's hand to be stopped in midair. "I wouldn't, sir!" She turned her gaze to see Yuichiro holding back her father's hand with a firm grip around the man's wrist.
"This is between me and my daughter!" Father growled in protest.
"Certainly sir," Yuichiro's voice became arrogant, dominant, all the things Rei didn't equate to him, "You wouldn't want to be seen assaulting a woman at her grandfather's funeral?"
"Listen to me!" he again growled.
"No, you listen to me," he held the man's wrist even tighter, "If you so much as lay a finger on her, I'll make sure the scandal hits the papers by morning!" That did get the other man's attention.
"And just who the hell are you, anyway!"
"Yuichiro Kumada," he answered solidly. First time he's ever said his family name like it was a point of pride.
"Kumada," Father shrank back, his arm dropping as Yuichiro released it, "As in Kumada Corps?"
"The same," he gave a short nod, "and my father is a good friend with the Governor of Tokyo. Certainly, anyone aspiring for election to the Diet would not wish to make enemies with the Governor!"
"Very well," Father straightened his suit, turned on his heels and left.
"Rei, are you all right?" Yuichiro asked innocently.
The words turned her stomach inside out. A small flicker of burning rage began overcoming her, "Yui… I don't need you to fight my battles for me!" she exclaimed.
"Rei, I wasn't trying… I…" his face became long and forlorn, "I'm sorry." He shook his head.
So am I! Rei didn't know what possessed her to snap; she fled the funeral home. Rei took off running, out the door, down the sidewalk, and away from anyone who knew her. She found a public park, collapsed on a bench, and began sobbing uncontrollably. She hated herself for rejecting Yuichiro. She hated Dad for his callousness. She hated the whole goddamn world for the mere fact that it still existed. She wanted everything and everyone to just go away.
After crying what felt like hours, Rei began walking, more like staggering, in the direction of the temple. She didn't care how far the walk was – she didn't want to be on a bus or cab. After walking at least an hour, she came up the block near the temple, passing a convenience store. Her eyes instantly turned to the bright lights and big windows. Her stroll came to a stop as her eyes fixated on the alcoholic beverage section.
She stood frozen. Don't do it girl! Don't do it! This is not a healthy way to deal with this! Rei entered the store, fetching her ID, and made for the wine selection. Don't do it… For fuck's sake, what am I supposed to do! Rei selected a large bottle of red wine with a screw top and made her purchase.
By the time Usagi reached the shrine, autumn night had already fallen. Rei hadn't answered her phone in the two weeks since the incident at the funeral home – not even answering texts. While Yuichiro verified Rei was still alive, he wasn't able to glean much more than Usagi. Rei was barely acknowledging him, and he reported finding a large number of empty wine bottles in the trash over the past few weeks. "Are you sure we should be doing this?" Luna asked as she trotted briskly to keep up with a speed-walking Usagi.
"Rei is our friend, Luna," Usagi shot back, "And while she may not appreciate it in the moment; I can't just stand by and not offer support! You remember how much support I needed when Mamoru and I broke up?"
"I remember," Luna sighed, remembering the terrible few months and the terrible level of discord it had caused for both the team and Usagi personally. Usagi had been stress eating throughout the affair, and there had been times she had entertained the idea of self-harm. By Mamoru's account, he'd been considering cutting himself multiple occasions, several times locking himself in a bathroom and quietly having a nervous breakdown, much as she did. All because neither of us had the maturity to talk to one another about what was going on.
What worried Usagi the most was Rei had become increasingly neglectful of the shrine, some days not leaving her room. Yuichiro was worried about Rei's health, and he thought Usagi might do a better job reaching out than he could. He'd also confided that he was feeling inadequate to stay at the shrine if Rei was intent on not talking to him ever again. He has packed his things, but he hadn't left.
The shrine grounds were dark, and the living quarters were unlit. Usagi, rather than flip on the lights instead activated her phone's light, allowing her to navigate the corridor to Rei's room. The room was empty. Think, where does she always go when needing guidance! Usagi took off for the shrine to the Sacred Flame.
"Flame, flame is light! Fire, fire is sight!" Rei chanted desperately. She still wore her black mourner's clothing. "Flame, flame is light! Fire, fire is sight!" Usagi could see tears sparkle in the flickering light of the sacred flame. "Flame, flame is light! Fire, fire is sight! COME ON, DAMN YOU!"
Usagi slowly walked up to behind Rei and placed a hand on her left shoulder, "Rei…"
"AHHH!" she screamed, jumping slightly away from both Usagi and fire's altar.
"I'm sorry if I scared you!" Usagi apologized.
"Goddammit!" Rei buried her face in her knees. "Some priestess and seer I am! I couldn't even sense a klutz like you walking in!" She continued to sob.
"I mean, I admit I'm quite the klutz, but I have my ninja moments," Usagi tried for levity.
"Usagi!" Rei brought her face up from her knees, tears glimmering in the firelight. "The Sacred Flame!" the words choked in her throat.
"Rei, what about the Sacred Flame?" Usagi asked, concerned.
"I can't—" she shook her head, "I can't see anything in it anymore!"
"Rei, you've gone through one of the worst emotional traumas anyone can endure," Usagi knelt beside Rei, and Luna walked up beside Rei as well.
"She's right, Rei," Luna added, "You always said it took supreme concentration to see anything in the flames. You need time to heal before you try again!"
"I need to see him!" Rei cried, "I need to see grandpa!"
Luna and Usagi exchanged troubled stares. "Rei, not now." She patted her friend on the back.
"Then when!" she screeched in reply.
Rei never mentioned being able to commune with the dead through the flames. Why would she think suddenly that she could. "I don't know," Usagi spoke honestly, "I can't tell you, but the Sacred Flame must sense something is not right if it won't help."
"I feel so stupid, Usagi!" Rei again wailed.
"Rei," Usagi placed a hand at her friend's cheek, "you are one of the smartest people I know, except maybe for Ami or Mamoru! I can't imagine what you're going through." He might have been her grandfather, but he was more a father that her actual father. Usagi tasted lemon in her mouth at the thought of Mr. Hino. She couldn't fathom how screwed up the man's priorities were. He should be the one here comforting his daughter. Instead, he's talking a real estate deal when her grandfather's ashes haven't even cooled! "Look, at least you'll never be dumb as I am!"
The attempt at self-depreciating humor was what was needed. Rei laughed through tears at the absurd statement. "There is, always that!" Rei's crying slowed but did not stop.
"You going to be okay this evening?" Usagi asked. "I could stay or you could come to my parents' house."
"I'll be fine," Rei's voice suggested deception or uncertainty, "really. I think… I think I need to be alone for a bit!"
Against her better judgement, Usagi nodded, "Okay. But, call me in the morning, okay?"
"Will do," Rei replied. Still uneasy, Usagi left the shrine.
Usagi hadn't been gone ten minutes before the deafening silence of the living quarters began closing in around Rei, crushing her slowly in a Boa Constrictor's embrace. Part of her wished she had taken up Usagi on her offer. However, Rei was not feeling like having nor being company in her current state. Unfortunately, the exhaustion of a few sleepless night and the emotional toll father had taken on her at the funeral wore to the bone, but she couldn't shut her mind off. Grandfather is gone, live in the now! Should I have taken father up on the offer? How can you be so selfish as to even consider that offer!
Rei needed to shut out the voices in her mind. She wanted her brain to shut up. She wanted the world to just leave her the fuck alone so she could wallow in peace. She walked to the bathroom, checked her reflection in the mirror, and froze. Rei's violet eyes were shaded crisscrossed with red, angry blood vessels from too little sleep and too much stress. Not to mention, you've been downing a bottle of wine every night or so. As she stared, her image changed; her face became sunken and withered.
The image was horrible enough that Rei actually screamed, jumping back from the sink. As adrenaline kicked in, her eyes fixed on her reflection, now entirely normal. Rei cautiously approached the mirror, scrutinizing every detail of the mirror and her reflection. Dammit, I am losing it!
She needed to sleep, but now sleep was anywhere but here. Rei ran back to her room, changed into street clothes, and made for the bus stop. She rode into the nearby commercial district, finding a convenience stop blazing with bright fluorescent and neon in the otherwise dark of the night. Rei took several deep breaths, entered the store, and made for the section holding alcoholic drinks.
Rei didn't remember what her selection process was, she didn't remember paying the clerk, and she didn't remember the bus ride home. At the very least, she must have put some thought into choosing a bottle of wine that had a screw top and didn't need a corkscrew. She broke the seal and stared into the faint pink liquid. Don't do it! This won't help a goddamn thing.
The mouth of the bottle came to her mouth and down came a sizable gulp of the cheap, tart, wine. Like a protective seal breaking, her doubt faded and she took a second swig of the liquid, then a third.
Rei paused before taking her fourth mouthful, easily having down three drink's worth of alcohol in just a few minutes. By her fourth gulp, Rei could at least sense the earliest signs of intoxication – the light fuzziness surrounding her head, the dulling of her senses. Girl, STOP! The alarm bells in her head did not dissuade her. She wanted oblivion. She wanted her senses to dull. She wanted the world to go away.
The bottle came up again, but Rei must have missed her mouth partially. The was the sensation of the cool liquid running down the front of her outfit. Everything moved in slow motion and the room seemed to move out of sync with her head and her eyes. She felt numb, cold, and the first wave of nausea began to hit. OH GOD! She dropped the bottle with a loud, dull clatter on the ground, crawling through the cold liquid as she felt her stomach turn inside out. Goddammit, the bathroom isn't far, move! She scrambled uncoordinated across the ground, barely reaching the toilet as she hurled up foul liquid that smelt of cheap wine. A second wave hit, and again she vomited.
The bus ride back to the shrine weighed heavily on Yuichiro. After checking in with Usagi, his nerves weren't steadied in the least. On one hand, He cared deeply about Rei and had made a promise to her grandfather. On the other hand, he also had to ask himself if it still was a problem for him to be involved with – Rei had given him the cold shoulder the last two weeks more or less.
What few personal belongings were pack and ready to go, but he remained reluctant to take the last step of leaving. Dude, you might like her, but you have to accept she'll never see you the same way. Stop kicking yourself over it! You can't keep putting your life on hold hoping she'll change her mind!
The next step left him even more lost than Sensei's death. While Rei had understandably been withdrawn the past two weeks, she'd been outright cold to him since sensei's death. Usagi had called once or twice, as had Makoto. Each time, he had to make excuses that Rei wasn't available. In reality, Rei had shut herself in her room, crying at all hours of the day and night.
Yuichiro was at a true loss. Rei barely spoke to him, and the thought of suggesting counseling would not likely be well received. The bus reached the stop and he disembarked, walking the lonely grounds of the temple. Without sensei, the place felt empty. Who are you kidding, without Rei, this place has no soul, no hope! You're about to be a piss-poor friend and ruin this place and her because you can't get your head out of your ass! He couldn't leave, not unless he wanted this sacred place to turn into an apartment building.
He nodded, bracing for an unpleasant conversation. Rei needed help, and leaving now would be beyond negligent. After he was sure she was stable, he could finally make the decision to leave with his head held high. He opened the door to the living quarters, and immediately heard the unmistakable sound of someone wrenching. Rei!
With lightning haste, he sprinted, almost slipping on the pool of cheap wine pour out over the floor. As he came past the restroom, Yuichiro saw Rei slumped over the toilet, hurling her guts up. "REI!" he rushed to her side, kneeling beside her. Long, smelly strings of saliva and vomit dropped from her mouth and into the toilet.
Yuichiro froze as dark events he'd never told Rei or anyone else about played out before his eyes. His last girlfriend, back when he'd been on tour as a musician, had been a closet drug addict and an alcoholic. For about a year, she'd kept it well-hidden, or he'd turned a blind eye to what he was seeing. When he finally confronted her, they had broken up that same night. The next day, she'd been found dead in her apartment, having swallowed a full bottle of sleeping pills and drank half a bottle of vodka. "Rei," he took her face in his hands, panic overwhelming him, "tell me you didn't take anything else!"
"No…" she gurgled.
"Rei, how much of the wine did you drink?!"
"About… half, hic!" She lurched over, "OH GOD!" she hurled again into the nearby toilet bowl.
Yuichiro recoiled slightly from the smell, but he remained at her side. She's still talking, still awake, and still able to throw up. If she only drank half a bottle of wine she's probably not in danger. Even still, he debated about calling paramedics. And give her father the excuse he'd need to have her institutionalized? The nightmare scenario of her being locked up in a hospital and her father manipulating a judge into granting him power of attorney over the shrine in the meantime rang loud as a cursed temple bell. "Let it out, Rei," Yuichiro rubbed her shoulders, "let it all out!"
This time, wails of tears came from Rei instead of vomit. There wasn't anything left to do but rub her shoulders and let her let everything out. He didn't know how long he knelt with her on the bathroom floor – and hour, a minute—but the episode seemed to pass. "Y-Yui…" she moaned.
"I'm here, Rei," he assured her, "I'm here for you, Rei."
"I'm sorry," she moaned.
"Rei, you didn't take anything? Pills? Coke? Other drugs?" he demanded.
"No," she shook her head and croaked.
Reasonably confident in her answer, Yuichiro got up from the ground, turned on the sink, and cupped water into his hands. "Rei, rinse out your mouth." He held out his hands. She greedily accepted the water and spat out into the toilet again.
"Oh god," she groaned, "I do not feel good…"
He knelt beside her, "Yeah, I have to guess you'll be nursing one hell of a hangover in the morning…"
She cut off his words, grabbing him by a fistful of his shirt, and burying her face into his shoulder, "I'm so sorry!" she squealed.
"Rei, it's okay" he put his arms around her, cautious not to be too clingy.
"IT'S NOT OKAY!" she wailed, squeezing him in a vice grip, "It's not okay!" she now whimpered.
Yuichiro now embraced her a little more confident, stroking fingers through her silken, if frazzled, hair. "Rei, we're going to stay up for a bit, you and me."
"O-okay…" she sobbed.
"You're going to stay awake; we're going to sit on the couch in the living room."
"And what?" she stared up at him incredulous.
"And do any damn thing you want except fall asleep!" he protested. "If you pass out before you're sober, I'm calling paramedics. Otherwise, watch tv, talk to me, stare at the wall, cry, but you do not fall asleep until I'm convinced that you'll live through the night!"
"H-help me up." It took some effort, but he was able to get her to her feet. Although, she was unsteady the whole walk to the couch. They both plopped down, and only then did the adrenaline begin to ease off a bit.
"All, right we're here," he said, "Now, what do you want to do?"
"Yui…" his name hung on her throat, "hold me!" She hugged herself to him. He helped shift her so that she was now sitting on his lap, arms around her upper body. She cried for what felt like hours, but it was probably minutes. He continued to stroke her hair. "You must have been really good at this with your other girlfriends," she finally moaned, sounding more lucid.
"I only had one," he shook his head, "and no, I wasn't particularly good at this with her."
"Liar," she laughed through tears.
"I wish," he shook his head.
"What was she like?" Rei asked.
"Rei, this is not the time…"
"You said anything," she raised an unsteady index finger, "URP! Please, tell me! I'm curious!"
"She was beautiful…" he began with caution.
"Prettier than me?" she asked.
"I wouldn't say that," he shook his head.
"Bigger breasts?"
"Don't think so!" he protested.
"Obviously, you two had sex. So, what happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why did she let a guy like you get away?" her speech was only mildly slurred.
"Rei…"
"I'm sorry…" she shifted wiping away tears, "It's not fair to ask."
"She died, Rei," he told her. "She overdosed on sleeping pills and alcohol one night."
"Well, now I feel like an asshole," she deflated, wiping more tears.
"It was a fair question, and a situation I'd like to not repeat."
"What do you mean?"
"We broke up over her addiction. I wanted her to get help, she refused. I left. She was found dead the next morning."
"That's awful!"
"Yeah, it was," he left unsaid the contents of her suicide note – at least what was thought to be a suicide note. She'd very clearly been writing it in the process of drinking and swallowing sleeping pills. The now deceased ex had called him a killjoy who didn't know how to have a good time. She really didn't give a clear reason why she went ahead as her writing became less and less coherent until it became illegible as well. "Being questioned after the fact was probably one of the scariest things I'd ever dealt with," he shrugged, "Aside from coming in and finding you sacrificing to the porcelain god."
"I'm sorry I scared you!" she clung to him, probably not understanding what effect she was having on him. Oh god, if she gets any closer, I'm going to die! His heart ran away in his chest.
"It's fine, Rei!"
"What else… do you want to talk about?"
"You, okay?"
"Just tired," she yawned. "Come on, or I will fall asleep!"
A quick check of the watch indicated roughly an hour had passed since he'd found Rei bent over the toilet, covered in cheap wine and vomit. She's stable, and not likely to crash. All the same, he wasn't ready to stop talking. "Why didn't you send me away, Rei?"
"What do you mean?" she tilted her head, perplexed.
By the time Yuichiro asked, "Why didn't you send me away, Rei," the worst of the alcoholic fog was lifting. Nevertheless, Rei still had the sensation of having her head covered by a fishbowl.
"What do you mean?" she leaned her head to the side, cocking up an eyebrow.
"I might have put two and two together," he said, "The girls and you transformed here a lot back in the day. I'm guessing that is what you all gather for here when you do your "Self-defense class." What if I'd found out?"
She rested her head on his chest as she pondered the question. He doesn't have a bad body. Rei's mind tumbled to when she'd dated Mamoru for a short while. It hadn't been much of a relationship, just a friendship that toed over the line for a short while. After he broke up with Usagi, she'd come to hate Mamoru for a long time. "I don't know," she sighed into his chest, "I'd… I'd always figured you weren't the type to blab."
"I'm not," Yuichiro assured.
"I appreciate it."
"What if I found out?"
"I'm glad you did," she blurted out.
"You're… glad…"
With no filter, she opened, "Yuichiro, I've kept that secret all my teen years and all my adult life! I hated having to hide it from Grandpa…"
"Why did you? He would have understood?"
"And imagine if he'd let slip to my dad on accident," she stared up at him from his chest, coming up eye to eye with him. "Imagine how badly he'd exploit it!" She shook her head, "I have such crap taste in men!"
"Rei…"
"My dad's protegee led me on to score brownie points with my dad!" she growled. "Mamoru was never meant for me," she sank onto his chest again, feeling strangely warm and safe. Girl, you're drunk! He'd never go for you! "Hell, I've never really kissed a guy!"
"That's not true," he protested, "you gave me a peck on the cheek once!"
Rei remembered – shortly after they'd met. Grandfather had been possessed by a youma. Yuichiro, despite being new to the temple and not having powers, helped fight off the Youma until Rei and Usagi could purge the demon from Grandfather. Her eyes looked up at him from his chest. You're drunk, don't do it! Rei ignored her inner critic and covered his mouth with hers. He moaned in surprise. So, this is what La-La Suckfaceland is like! She withdrew, laughing at the absurdity of the situation. "Rei… you just kissed me!" his mouth hung down.
"Yeah," some awkwardness crept into her voice, "that's bad, right?" She'd messed up, bad. She'd never tell him, but Rei did find Yuichiro attractive, had fought it for years. And now you just blurted it out. Way to scare another one off!
"I mean, no, but… Rei, what… what caused this?"
"I'm tired, Yuichiro, tired of being alone, tired of being abandoned." She cried. "I'm tired of being a complete bitch like my father!"
"Whoa, Rei, you most certainly are not a "B"!" he was almost cute with his protest. He took her hand, "Rei, I know you got a lot going on right now, but I can't keep this temple going if you aren't there!"
I can't keep going without you here! "You're right," she shook her head, "I've been nothing but selfish…"
"You're mourning, Rei," he cut her off, "there is nothing selfish about it!"
"You're the one person who has actually cared for me, aside from my grandfather and mother, and they're both dead! I've treated you like a nobody for so long!" she sobbed into his shoulder.
"You've hardly treated me like a nobody," he again put his arms around her, one of his hands slowly began stroking through her hair.
"Do you like me?" Rei blurted, bracing for him to tell her that ship had sailed.
"I do, Rei," Yuichiro replied, "But I know what you've been through, too," he nodded. "I know you're don't feel the same…"
"Says who?" she asked, looking up at him again, directly in the eyes.
"Rei…" a thousand words were dammed up behind his eyes, "… I'd much rather have this conversation when I know it is you and not the booze talking."
She flopped her down on his chest, "Fair enough," she sighed. "Can I go to sleep yet?"
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Fuzzy, if that makes sense."
"Makes perfect sense," he replied. "I suppose it's all right."
Rei didn't recall if he said anything further. Her eyelids became like marble, and everything went dark.
Author's Notes: hello, everyone. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'll probably update sometime just before Thanksgiving. Have a good Halloween, and I'll see you next chapter. Stay health, stay safe!