Thank You, Heavenly
Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day
SEASON 10
EPISODE 5
Air Date: October 20, 2024
"Jaylynn's Girlfriend"
Special Guest Stars: Kira Kosarin as Lynne
#TYH1005
SCENE 1
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
RK and Jaylynn walk down the steps of the school one morning.
JAYLYNN: So, it's not like it was breathing, right?
RK: No, but they kept poking it. He's dead, leave him alone.
JAYLYNN: You know how it is, people get curious. I mean, what if-
Jaylynn's eyes widen when she sees a girl talking to her friends near the end of the stairwell.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): Let's go back upstairs.
RK: Why? I thought we were going to class.
JAYLYNN: You're not supposed to say things like that. Besides, there's, uh...Starburst lollipops in the vending machine, we should check 'em out.
RK: But I already-
JAYLYNN: Lollipops!
SCENE 2
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn pulls RK back upstairs and takes him to the vending machine.
JAYLYNN: See? All the original flavors, ain't that something?
RK: Mesmerizing. Look, Jaylynn, we've both been around the block. So, who's the girl?
JAYLYNN: Why do you assume I have a crush? Because we were about to pass by some girls? That's homophobic.
RK: No, because this is the third time this week you've stopped me and the guys so we could "check out" something. And I'm pretty sure one of those girls was around all three times.
JAYLYNN: Oh, so you're privately investigating me now? You want to call up KG for your little JDA shit, huh?
Beat.
RK: What does she smell like?
JAYLYNN: You bitch. Her name is Jasmine. She just transferred to my math class two weeks ago, and she is fine.
RK: Interesting. Little Jaylynn has a little crush, alright.
JAYLYNN: It's not interesting. Just because I'm around Jasmine, and she's beautiful and she makes me feel like I can see rainbows 24/7, doesn't mean I'm into her.
RK: You think she might be lesbian, too? Imagine that, that would make your year.
JAYLYNN: Shut up. Jasmine's just another pretty girl. Give it a week or two, I won't even be thinking about her.
RK: Give it a week or two, you'll be writing poems about her.
JAYLYNN: I should have never let you see my Anja poems. You didn't deserve them.
SCENE 3
The Jennings Household
Interior Kitchen
Seattle, Washington
RK looks in the refrigerator for something and pulls out a Tupperware container full of ravioli.
*singing "Lollipop" by The Chordettes* RK: Lollipop, lollipop, oh, lolli-lolli-lolli-lollipop, lollipop, oh...
RK turns his head and sees a rat gnawing on something near the back door. He blinks twice, then his eyes widen. Cut to a shot of RK's eyes, then the rat, then RK's eyes, then the rat, then RK's eyes. He slowly puts the container back in the fridge, screams and runs out of the kitchen.
SCENE 4
The Jennings Household
Interior KG's Bedroom
Seattle, Washington
Cut to KG on the phone.
KG: So, she wants kids, but she doesn't want to get married? That's...what is that even? Drugs?
RK bangs on the door.
KG (CONT.): Hang on, Rodney, I'll call you back. Beat. Who knows what he's upset about this week? Later.
KG hangs up.
KG (CONT.): Come in.
RK opens the door and falls down, then quickly gets up.
RK: What were you doing in here?!
KG: Talking to my friend on the phone, and what were you doing breaking down my door like the cops?
RK: Well, I hate to interrupt your conference call, but we have a situation in our kitchen!
KG: About?
RK: Rodents.
Beat.
RK (CONT.): KG, the day's come. They're in our house.
KG: Oh my God.
RK: I know.
KG: Oh my God, who do we call? We have to get exterminators, leave this place-
RK: And go where? Motel 6?
KG: Hell no, I'm not letting people see me in that dump. What did you see the rat do?
RK: It was eating. And I bet your ass it was food that we paid for.
Beat.
KG: We're going to find every single rat that's come into this place, and we are never, ever, going to stop until they're in hell where they belong.
RK: Thank you for addressing my concerns.
SCENE 5
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Sparky, Buster, RK, and Jaylynn are all in the hallway.
RK: I'm telling you, it was gross. Just seeing that rat with its dead eyes, nasty tail and grey skin eating our food. I had to take two showers last night.
BUSTER: You know, one of the tenants in my building had a rat problem. She kept putting out traps and catching them, but they always came back.
RK: What did she do about it?
BUSTER: I don't know. I haven't seen her in months. She probably moved and left that place for someone else to deal with.
RK: It's what I would do. But I'm not going to end up like her. KG and I are going to find a way to end this before it starts. Never again will a rat ruin ravioli night.
JAYLYNN: You guys are so dramatic. Just call the damn exterminator.
RK: I love how you always give advice but hate taking it. I wish I was more like you.
JAYLYNN: What are you talking about? I don't hate taking advice.
RK: Okay. Talk to Jasmine.
JAYLYNN: Hell no.
RK: You were saying?
SPARKY: Who's Jasmine?
JAYLYNN: Sullivan? She just had an EP a couple years ago. It's not like she died.
RK: She's just this girl Jaylynn has a crush on.
BUSTER: That's so cute, Jaylynn has a new girl to think about.
JAYLYNN: It's not cute. I'm not going to do anything about Jasmine.
SPARKY: Why not?
JAYLYNN: Because every time I like a girl, something bad happens. Check the resume: Christy, Emily, Anja, Sarah, Katrina, Esther. I call it the Jaylynn Wall of Shame.
RK: Sarah?!
JAYLYNN: It was for, like, five minutes and I still feel gross about it. The point is, I'm not putting Jasmine on that wall.
SPARKY: So, what are you going to do? Pretend you're not attracted to her and hope that your feelings go away?
JAYLYNN: Exactly. I'm going to treat Jasmine just like everybody else. Act like she's nothing special, and eventually, I won't even remember liking her.
BUSTER: I don't know, Jaylynn. Maybe you should try to get to know her and see where it goes.
JAYLYNN: Nah, I don't have time for that shit anymore. I've been burned enough times.
RK: True. Also, if you pursue this, you'll have to talk to Jasmine, and we all know you have diary of the mouth.
JAYLYNN: You mean, diarrhea of the mouth?
RK: No, your mouth is like a diary with a never-ending set of pages. It's exhausting.
JAYLYNN: You're exhausting.
RK: I can be, but we're talking about you, redhead.
SCENE 6
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Math Class
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn is in class hearing the teacher's lecture.
MR. BLUTMAN: Okay, so last class, we talked about the difference between prime and composite numbers.
Jaylynn looks over at Jasmine, and when Jasmine looks back, Jaylynn turns away.
MR. BLUTMAN: This is what I want you guys to work on with your partner over the next two weeks. I'm going to assign you guys to teams of two, and each group will have a presentation demonstrating their knowledge of prime and composite numbers.
JAYLYNN (V.O.): Why don't I demonstrate my knowledge of this foot up your ass? Ha! I'm funny.
MR. BLUTMAN: Okay, so the teams are as follows: Steve and Roger, Jackie and Marlon, Jaylynn and Jasmine...
Jaylynn's eyes widen and she looks at Jasmine, who looks back at her. Jaylynn sighs and looks up at the ceiling.
JAYLYNN (V.O.): I'm trying so hard to believe in you. Why do you do this to me?
SCENE 7
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Lunchroom
Seattle, Washington
The kids are at lunch later on.
SPARKY: I don't see the problem. You get a chance to be closer to Jasmine.
JAYLYNN: Dude, that's the opposite of what I want, remember? If we have to talk to each other, I'm going to be thinking about her more, and then she'll end up on the wall.
RK: Who knows? Maybe this is your in. Maybe she likes girls and you'll find out that she's warm for your form.
JAYLYNN: See, this is why we can't talk about things. Who says stuff like that?
BUSTER: I don't know what the big deal is. It's a project for class. Just talk to her on Zoom and be done with it.
JAYLYNN: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. This is just business. She'll probably want this to be over as soon as possible.
Jasmine walks up to Jaylynn.
JASMINE: Hey...Jaylynn, right?
JAYLYNN: That's what it says on my fake ID. What's up?
JASMINE: Well, this project is going to be a lot. We should probably figure out when we're going to meet up and do it.
JAYLYNN: I guess we could start at my place tonight.
JASMINE: Great. You're going to send the address?
JAYLYNN: No need. I'll write it down in a jiffy.
Jaylynn pulls out a pen and paper, writes down her address, and gives it to Jasmine.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): Here you go.
JASMINE: Cool. I'll see you tonight.
Jasmine walks away and Jaylynn buries her face in her hands.
JAYLYNN: In a jiffy? I sounded like my social studies teacher from Portland.
BUSTER: I don't get it, Jaylynn. You wanted to be as far away from Jasmine as possible. Why did you invite her to your house?
JAYLYNN: Do you want an actual answer to that question?
BUSTER: Yes.
Jaylynn looks around, then grabs Buster's face and leans it towards her.
JAYLYNN: Because I'm an idiot. Is that good enough for you?
BUSTER: I would say so, yeah.
RK: Just kiss, you weirdos!
Jaylynn looks at RK with disgust. RK shrugs.
SCENE 8
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
RK comes home from school and yells as he gets caught in a net that leaves him suspended in mid-air.
RK: What the f***, man?! I just got here!
KG runs downstairs with a notebook to see RK struggling to escape the net.
KG: RK, seriously? You ruined the trap.
RK: What trap?
KG: The first of many rat traps. I outfitted the doorway with a sensor meant to catch rats and put them in a net that's inescapable.
RK: So, why did the sensor put me in the net?
KG: I didn't say it was perfect. I have to adjust it.
RK: Look, KG, I admire the fact that you're taking this seriously, but I still want to live here. You know what I mean? Eat, scratch my ass, do things that all young boys love to do.
KG: Relax, you heathen, this is just one trap. I have plenty of ideas.
RK: What about glue traps? I heard Ashley used them and they worked for her.
KG: Those are old-school. We have to think outside the box. Let me read you my list.
KG opens up his notebook.
KG (CONT.): An alarm that scares rats by reminding them of their worst enemy, stink bombs that humans can't smell, the net-
RK: As I know.
KG: Right, as you know. And, uh, you got the, uh...wait a minute, that's it? I wrote down other things in this notebook. Never mind, this is from my English notebook. My other ideas are in my Spanish notebook. Hang on, let me get those.
KG runs upstairs.
RK: KG, wait! I'm still trapped in this shit!
As RK continues to fight his way out of the net, a rat scurries across the living room floor. He freezes up after seeing it.
RK (CONT.): The white man did this. I know he did.
SCENE 9
The Hernandez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn and Jasmine are sitting down looking through a math textbook.
JAYLYNN: So, it says here that one is neither a prime or composite number. You can only divide it by itself. Wow, for the first time in a while, math sounds cool.
JASMINE: Can I ask you something? It's a little personal, so you don't have to answer it.
JAYLYNN: Nah, I'm an open book. What's on your mind?
JASMINE: Are you gay?
Beat.
JAYLYNN (V.O.): What kind of game is she playing?
JASMINE: I'm sorry, that was so uncalled for. I just thought that-
JAYLYNN: No, no, it's okay. I was a little surprised, but I'm definitely lesbian.
JASMINE: Okay. I always felt like I had gaydar and I saw that rainbow punch bowl on your shelf.
JAYLYNN: That was a gift, by the way. I don't need to advertise who I am, I just am. You know, if you ignore the hair, clothes, and everything else about me.
Jasmine laughs.
JASMINE: I had a good feeling about you.
JAYLYNN: That's nice. You mind if I ask you something?
JASMINE: No, of course not.
JAYLYNN: Are you gay?
JASMINE: Sorta.
JAYLYNN: Oh, you play both sides. That's cool.
JASMINE: No, I like girls only. I just don't like talking about it.
JAYLYNN: Why not? You can't help who you are. I thought it would be scary to come out, but once I did, I felt so happy. It was like I was a brand new person.
JASMINE: I tried coming out when I lived in L.A., but my best friend wasn't going for it.
JAYLYNN: Let me guess. You fell in love with her, you came out by telling her, and she made you feel like shit for doing it.
JASMINE: Ewww, no. Her breath stank every day. I just thought she would understand and she punched me in the face.
JAYLYNN: We would have thrown hands if that happened to me.
JASMINE: She ran away. Then she spread rumors that I was kissing all the girls in school, and then we threw hands.
JAYLYNN: So, you moved here for a fresh start?
JASMINE: Yup. I hated L.A., it was so uncomfortable. Up here, it's like everybody is more chill.
JAYLYNN: I hear you. That's why I moved here from Portland. It was wild over there.
JASMINE: Portland? I never heard of anything bad happening there.
JAYLYNN: That's what they want you to think. It used to be a war zone until they gentrified it.
SCENE 10
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
The kids are at the lockers the next day.
JAYLYNN: So, we talked for an hour and a half about each other. What it means to be lesbian, girls we've had crushes on, all that good stuff.
SPARKY: So, you didn't feel uncomfortable around her?
JAYLYNN: No, she's really cool. And I wouldn't have known that if I didn't talk to her. This is why I always say, get to know people before you judge them.
RK: You've never said that.
JAYLYNN: You don't listen to me when I talk. Of course, you would say that.
BUSTER: This is perfect. You like girls, she likes girls, you're both girls who can like each other. You're in.
JAYLYNN: Nah, I don't think so.
RK: Jaylynn, Jaylynn, Jaylynn. You shouldn't be afraid to like someone. So, just take a chance and face the wind.
JAYLYNN: Will you please give Who's the Boss a rest? Nobody cares. And honestly, I don't think it would be right to make a move on Jasmine. She's what I used to be. I can't date someone like that.
RK: But you've never dated anyone.
JAYLYNN: Exactly. I know what I want.
SPARKY: Maybe if you don't want to go out with Jasmine, you can help build her confidence. Be like a mentor.
JAYLYNN: Yeah. That's what she needs, a mentor. Someone who's been around, has experience outside, knows what to do and what not to do. I can change her life.
RK: What are you, a pastor?
JAYLYNN: No, but I can still preach some gospel. Thanks Sparky. I'm going to take Jasmine under my wing and help her out.
RK: Just know it's going to be weird if you want to kiss your new protégé.
JAYLYNN: Relax, I'm over that now. Nobody ever gave back to me, but I can do it for Jasmine.
BUSTER: I gave you back the $20 I borrowed last week. How could you forget that?
JAYLYNN: No, Buster, it's just a metaphor. Nobody ever helped me deal with liking girls? I'm trying to be that person for Jasmine, keep her from making the same mistakes I made?
BUSTER: Oh. But just know that I paid you back.
JAYLYNN: I know.
BUSTER: Alright.
SCENE 11
The Jennings Household
Interior RK's Bedroom
Seattle, Washington
At night, RK tosses and turns as the sound of the rat crawling is heard.
RK: Shut up, you stupid rodent.
The rat continues crawling.
RK (CONT.): I'll kill you. I'll kill you with my bare hands when I see you, I don't care.
The rat continues crawling, which makes Mrs. Tuxedo Pants hiss.
RK (CONT.): I know, but you're not going to get a free meal. He's too crafty for that.
SCENE 12
The Jennings Household
Interior KG's Bedroom
Seattle, Washington
RK slowly opens the door to KG's room and sets down his sleeping bag.
KG: What did I tell you?
RK leaps in fear.
RK: Shit, you're up?! You almost killed me.
KG: Of course I am. It's that stupid rat gnawing and walking around like it has OCD.
RK: We have to try and sleep. This doesn't just happen.
KG: And you think this does? I have school and work tomorrow, I can't take the rat being so rambunctious.
RK: Well, I guess we have to pack up and find a place to sleep. But where do we go?
RK rubs his chin, then gets a big smile on his face.
SCENE 13
The Newman Condominium
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
That same night, Buster opens the door and sees RK and KG, tired beyond belief.
BUSTER: The guest room's ready for ya.
RK: You're an American hero.
KG: Plus, it's payback for us giving you a place to stay.
RK: KG.
KG: What? He remembers our hospitality.
SCENE 14
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Lunchroom
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn and Jasmine are having breakfast the next morning.
JAYLYNN: So, living in L.A. has to be cool. Did you meet any famous people?
JASMINE: A couple times. One time, I said hi to Melissa Barrera and she just stared at me. Like I was planning to kill her. It was so weird.
JAYLYNN: It's okay. She always has that look on her face. Maybe something really bad happened to her when she was younger.
JASMINE: Who knows? Everyone's dealing with something.
JAYLYNN: This is great. I never get to talk to anyone that just "gets it."
JASMINE: What do you mean?
JAYLYNN: I mean, nobody I know is LGBT. I thought one of my friends was, but he said that was just a phase.
JASMINE: Trust me, I've been there. Everyone's looking at you like you're some kind of alien, and you don't know why?
JAYLYNN: And even though no one's said anything, you always feel like you'll never be accepted?
JASMINE: Exactly. Could I ask you something?
JAYLYNN: Sure.
JASMINE: What do you do when you like someone, but you're afraid of what might happen?
JAYLYNN: Do you think this other person likes you?
JASMINE: I think so. I'm just scared to tell her.
JAYLYNN: I think if you're really into this person, you should tell her. You don't want to waste your chance. I thought I was keeping my dream alive by hiding my feelings, but in the end, it only made me feel worse.
JASMINE: Wow. That just blew my mind.
JAYLYNN: Really?
JASMINE: Yeah. You're like Yoda or somebody.
Jaylynn puts up Mr. Spock's famous hand gesture.
JAYLYNN: Live long and prosper.
JASMINE: No, that's Spock.
JAYLYNN: Spock? I thought that was Yoda.
JASMINE: No, Yoda from Star Wars. He says weird things like "I enjoyed them, these pancakes."
JAYLYNN: So, I say weird things?
JASMINE: No, you're like a mentor from outer space. But not Spock, you're Yoda.
JAYLYNN: I want to be both. Please let me be both.
JASMINE: You can be whatever you want, just please keep helping me.
Jasmine grabs Jaylynn's hand. Jaylynn smiles, then quickly realizes how much she likes it and switches to a handshake.
JAYLYNN: Nice hands, very soft and supple. Baby hands, really.
JASMINE: I use lotion like I'm addicted to it.
JAYLYNN: Loving it, beautiful hands.
SCENE 15
The Saleh Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn crumples up pieces of paper and tosses them into the wastebasket while Anja paints Lynne's nails.
LYNNE: Okay, I want green on one hand, and black on the other.
ANJA: Why?
LYNNE: Farrazhan has green and black nails. That way, we can be twins.
JAYLYNN: Hey guys, check out this shot. From the three!
Jaylynn misses the wastebasket.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): Wow, I really can't shoot threes anymore.
LYNNE: Maybe you're thinking about it too hard.
ANJA: Or you're thinking about Jasmine too hard. What's going on with her?
JAYLYNN: What's not going on? You know me. You know how I do.
Jaylynn chuckles and pops her collar.
LYNNE: That means she hasn't told her how she feels.
ANJA: Yeah, that was the fakest brag I've ever heard in my life.
JAYLYNN: Look, I suck at crushes, okay? Every time I like someone, it doesn't end well.
LYNNE: Have you ever told the girls you liked that you liked them?
JAYLYNN: A few times. One of which being...
Jaylynn and Lynne look at Anja, who looks confused.
ANJA: What, it's my fault you can't tell Jasmine you're into her?
JAYLYNN: No one's saying that.
ANJA: You're heavily implying it.
LYNNE: I mean, if that's what you're taking away from it-
ANJA: No, you know what? Jaylynn, if I was a guy, I would think you were something else. Okay?
Beat.
JAYLYNN: I don't know what to do with that.
LYNNE: Yeah, something else? What does that even mean?
ANJA: Pipe down. Let me work on your nails.
JAYLYNN: I just don't want Jasmine to end up like everyone else. I have to protect myself. I know it sounds stupid, but-
ANJA: No, I get it. You're trying to keep her at bay. It's smart.
LYNNE: Keep her at bay? Who talks like that?
ANJA: I'm just saying, if Jasmine makes a play for Jaylynn, she has to try and spurn her advances so nothing happens.
LYNNE: Spurn her...okay, Jaylynn, don't listen to my grandma sister. You like Jasmine, Jasmine might like you. You find out the truth by telling her.
JAYLYNN: And what if she gets turned off and doesn't want to talk to me anymore?
LYNNE: Then you live with that. But you can't let the past make all your decisions for you. Show her your balls.
JAYLYNN: I don't have balls.
LYNNE: Then show her your lady parts, I don't know. Just let her see something.
ANJA: You have a problem with how I talk, and you're over here talking about Jaylynn flashing someone?
LYNNE: It's a metaphor, sis. And wait a minute, neon green? I wanted forest green.
ANJA: What's the difference?
LYNNE: The difference? Okay, when I'm done in the bathroom, I'm going to show you the picture.
Lynne goes upstairs to use the bathroom.
ANJA: I don't need to see the picture.
LYNNE: I'm showing you the picture!
Lynne runs upstairs.
JAYLYNN: Are you guys fighting again?
ANJA: No, we're okay, she just loves irritating me. But you know I never wanted to make you feel bad for liking me, right?
JAYLYNN: Yeah, I know. I just don't want to put my heart through that again.
ANJA: Well, whatever you choose, whether it's keeping Jasmine at bay or telling her how you feel, don't feel bad for liking her. You can't help that.
JAYLYNN: Thanks. You're a good kid.
Jaylynn rubs Anja's head, which makes her uncomfortable.
ANJA: Ah, no.
JAYLYNN: I'm sorry.
ANJA: Yeah, I'm still not crazy about being touched.
SCENE 16
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
RK and KG slowly open the door with their things in hand.
RK: You think that rat bastard's gone?
KG: He has to be. We gave it a couple days, right? Maybe he's ruining someone else's life.
RK: That poor bastard. The new victim, not the rat itself.
KG: I know. Wait a minute.
RK: What?
KG: I don't trust that he's gone. We have to stay vigilant. It's like in Roots when the chief warned everybody about the slave traders. They've infiltrated our land and we have to be aware of that.
RK: I get your point, but please don't compare rats to slavery.
KG: You get my point, I don't need to sanitize it.
RK: So, what do we do?
KG: Unbeknownst to you, I just laid a silent trap. Imperceptible to the average man. If the rat goes where I think it will, it's going to get faced with 100,000 volts of electricity. Shocks the system and kills it on impact.
RK: Dope. But if it's silent and we won't know where it is, how do we protect ourselves from it?
KG: Trust me, it's in a place where we'll never go.
RK: KG, I feel violated in my own house. I need more than that.
The rat appears at that point, near the TV. RK spots it.
RK (CONT.): You shady, trifling son of a bitch.
KG: Look, I know you're upset, but don't call me names.
RK: Not you, the rat. Look what it's doing to Earl. Caressing him, draining him of his essence.
KG: You're about to go psycho, aren't you?
RK: Damn right. Come here, you piece of shit!
RK runs towards the rat and leaps as he tries to catch it, but it runs away.
RK (CONT.): Corner him!
KG screams as he sees the rat approach him and moves out of the way.
RK (CONT.): What was that?!
KG: He threatened me.
RK: He went to the dining room.
RK and KG run into the dining room.
SCENE 17
The Jennings Household
Interior Dining Room
Seattle, Washington
RK sees the rat and uses air freshener to spray at it, but it avoids it.
KG: You're trying to kill the rat or make it smell good?
RK: We have no traps, no weapons, nothing!
KG: Think again.
KG pulls an unknown object out of his pocket.
RK: What is that?
KG: Backup.
Loud hawk noises are heard and the rat squeaks repeatedly as it runs out of the room.
RK: What...was that?
KG: Hawks and other birds of prey are the mortal enemy of rats. It was my next trap. Play these noises, you can have any rat shook.
RK: But it's still in the house!
Beat.
KG: There are alternatives.
RK: No, here's the alternative. This house is a war zone now. We're staying at Buster's until we can figure out a solution.
KG: Like what, extermination? Fumigation? The whole point is to end the infestation without doing anything drastic.
RK: Then pull out all your traps. Our home has been compromised, so now, it's time to compromise the rat. Permanently.
KG nods his head.
RK (CONT.): Hey, what other noises are on that thing?
KG: A bunch. I have shark noises, dog noises, cat noises. Check it out.
KG uses the object to play loud cat meows. Mrs. Tuxedo Pants comes into the dining room and runs around repeatedly while meowing.
KG (CONT.): What the hell is she doing?
RK: She heard your noises, she thinks other cats are here.
KG: Well, is she stupid? Tell her to get lost, it was a trap.
RK: Yeah, because I know how to communicate with animals. I'm not Eliza Thornberry, KG.
SCENE 18
The Douglas Household
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn drives up to Jasmine's house. She gets out of the car and walks up to Jasmine's door.
JAYLYNN: Alright, Jaylynn, just tell her you like her. Maybe this time, I can have a situation with another girl that doesn't get out of hand.
SCENE 19
("Reminder" by Jay-Z plays in the background)
A montage is shown of Jaylynn's worst moments when dealing with females, whether romantically or platonically. The scenes include getting told off by Lauren in "Savin' All My Hate for You," getting assaulted by Sarah in "The Karma Machine," her fight with Halley in "11 Ways to Ruin a Birthday," running away from the fight with Sonja in "Going Back to Portland: Part I," getting rejected by Anja in "Heterosexuality 101," finding out that Katrina is asexual in "A Trip to the Guidance Counselor," her argument with Ashley in "Master of Her Universe," Esther telling her and Buster off in "The Girl Next Door is Mine," Christy being disgusted by her in "RK the Charlatan," her and Buster's fight with Kelly and Arlene in "Wade the Wunderkind," and Gilcania telling her off in "Lost One."
A picture is shown of Lynne with the caption "Too many to list," and then random clips are shown of Sparky, RK, and Wade recreating the dance scene from "The Breakfast Club" in black T-shirts and grass skirts.
SCENE 20
The Douglas Household
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
Cut back to the present day. Jaylynn simply has a blank look on her face.
JAYLYNN: What...what was that last thing about?
Jaylynn shakes her head, gets back in her car, and drives off without confronting Jasmine.
SCENE 21
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Sparky, Buster, RK, and Jaylynn are at the lockers.
RK: Guys, I didn't want to have to get serious, but it's time for a PSA.
SPARKY: Um...okay?
JAYLYNN: Is this going to take long?
RK: Jaylynn, please, this is a vulnerable moment for me. And I'm not getting paid for this, so listen up.
JAYLYNN: Fine.
RK clears his throat.
RK: Every day in America, rats infest people's homes. It creates breeding, uncomfortable noises, and a sense of panic. If you or anyone else you know is suffering from this, there's always help. Tell a friend, call an exterminator, write a letter to your local politicians. Don't be afraid to speak up.
Beat.
BUSTER: That was beautiful.
JAYLYNN: What the f*** was the point of this?
RK: Jaylynn, I'm a victim. My brother's a victim. And we have to live with the shame and humiliation every day. I'm...I'm sorry, I can't.
RK pretends to wipe away tears as he walks away from the guys.
BUSTER: I'll go check on him.
SPARKY: Good idea.
Buster runs after RK.
JAYLYNN: He's not even crying!
JASMINE (O.S.): Hey Jaylynn, what's up?
Jaylynn is frozen in fear as she turns around to face Jasmine.
JAYLYNN: Jasmine, my friend, my non-romantic pal. How goes it?
SPARKY: I'll go check on RK, too.
JAYLYNN: Great idea.
Sparky and Jaylynn give each other the thumbs up and Sparky walks away.
JASMINE: Those are your friends, right? I can't wait to meet them.
JAYLYNN: Yeah, of course, you can meet them. But if you wanna meet 'em...you better call somebody.
JASMINE: What do you mean?
JAYLYNN: Nothing. Please continue talking.
JASMINE: I was just going to ask if you're ready for the presentation. I'm so nervous, my stomach's flipping like Simone Biles.
JAYLYNN: Man, don't worry about that. I get it, it's your first oral assignment in a new city and you're afraid you'll do something stupid. But I'm here, and I won't let that happen.
JASMINE: Okay. I'll get through this. Not because I'm confident, but because Baby Yoda says so.
JAYLYNN: Precious. Precious confidence.
JASMINE: That's Gollum.
JAYLYNN: I've never seen Star Wars, I don't know any of these people!
SCENE 22
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Math Class
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn and Jasmine are giving their presentation.
JAYLYNN: So, to end it all, one is neither prime nor composite. You can only divide it by itself.
JASMINE: I guess that means one gives itself undivided attention.
JAYLYNN: Oh, you.
The kids and Mr. Blutman laugh as Jaylynn and Jasmine imitate boxing each other.
MR. BLUTMAN: Excellent report, guys. Very entertaining and informative. Jackie and Marlon, let's hear from you guys.
Jaylynn and Jasmine take away their presentation materials and walk back to their seats. Jaylynn suddenly becomes emotionless.
JASMINE: Did you hear that? Excellent report? You know damn well we're getting an A on this.
JAYLYNN: Yeah, I'll bet.
JASMINE: Is everything okay?
JAYLYNN: Sure. Um, I kinda want to pay attention to the other kids, so we can talk later.
JASMINE: Whatever you want.
Jasmine looks confused as Jaylynn faces the front of the class, not wanting to make any eye contact.
SCENE 23
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Lunchroom
Seattle, Washington
The kids are at lunch later on, but RK is missing.
SPARKY: So, what now? You're treating her like shit so she won't talk to you anymore?
JAYLYNN: No, I don't have to. I'm ignoring her, avoiding any conversation, not giving her the time of day until my feelings go away. I'm acting aloof.
SPARKY: Aloof?
JAYLYNN: Yeah, I heard RK say it once. Too bad he wasn't feeling well, I wanted to give him props.
BUSTER: Jaylynn, do you want to be with Jasmine or not?
JAYLYNN: I want to be with her, yeah. I'm crazy about her. She's one of the few people I've met that knows what it's like to be me.
BUSTER: So, why are you trying to push her away? That's kinda mean.
JAYLYNN: Buster, I can't go through this again. Telling a girl I like her, getting told no, making it uncomfortable for the other person and then they distance themselves. This time, I'm doing the job for them.
SPARKY: And you really think you're going to feel better about having a crush on Jasmine by doing this.
JAYLYNN: Yeah. I do. This is how I save the both of us. The project's over, we don't have a reason to talk anymore. Easy out.
Jasmine walks over to Jaylynn.
JASMINE: If you're trying to ignore me, you can just say that.
JAYLYNN: I'm trying to ignore you. Does that make you feel better?
JASMINE: Jaylynn, I don't get you. We've been having fun talking, laughing about dumb shit, all of that. Now, you think I'm gross because we're done with the presentation?
JAYLYNN: I never thought you were gross.
JASMINE: You don't have to lie to me. I thought I found someone that got it, but I was wrong. Like always.
Jasmine walks away from Jaylynn. Jaylynn turns to Sparky and Buster, who avoid eye contact and simply play with their food.
BUSTER: Good chili today.
SPARKY: Yup, they really put their foot in it.
Jaylynn sighs and looks at the ceiling.
SCENE 24
The Newman Condominium
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
That afternoon, Buster watches TV with the Jennings brothers.
BUSTER: KG, I'm confused. I thought you had a job.
KG: I'm off today.
BUSTER: Well, what about your girlfriend or your other friends that smell weird?
KG: We had nothing planned.
BUSTER: Your comedy shows?
KG: Weekends.
BUSTER: So, you're just going to be here today? All day?
KG: Buster, I went through a traumatic experience in my own house. Have some sympathy.
RK: Yeah, man, be sympathetic.
BUSTER: I am. I just planned the activities around RK and RK only. Now that you're here, I feel out of order. We can't even play spin the bottle.
KG: You were going to play spin the bottle with us? You're sick.
BUSTER: No, it's truth or dare with spin the bottle. You spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on, they have to take a dare.
KG: I have a couple questions.
RK: Bro, I've been over this with him. Just enjoy the game.
Wade walks in.
RK: Wade, what the hell? This almost feels like a crossover episode.
WADE: Well, Buster told me about your rat problem and I wanted to see how you were feeling.
RK: Terrible. Staying here is cool, but I want to get back the beauty of ravioli night.
WADE: Why not just call an exterminator?
KG: Because we have an image to uphold. We don't need the neighbors passing judgment when we're hurting.
WADE: So, you guys are just going to let the rats win? You're not going to remedy the situation at all?
RK: Well, we thought as a last resort that we would use glue traps.
KG: Yeah, I'm pretty open to doing that as the final move.
Wade starts laughing.
BUSTER: See, I never laughed at you, KG. I was just asking questions.
KG: I don't judge you, man. I judge this one.
WADE: I'm laughing because it's such a primitive idea. Yes, glue traps could work. Why not put some cheese or peanut butter on them?
RK: Alright, science boy, you have better ideas?
WADE: Precisely. Science. The key component to any and all rodent issues.
KG: Keep talking, science boy.
WADE: You and RK need to go home, collect all your glue traps, and bring them to me. I have a way to end your pain once and for all.
RK: How?
WADE: A special adhesive that's guaranteed to neutralize rats the minute they step on them and cause severe damage to their nervous system. No escape, no resistance, no chance.
Beat.
RK: We need to go home and let this kid do the work.
KG: If you get this done, I will acknowledge you as my Tribal Chief.
SCENE 25
The Hernandez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
A now elderly Jaylynn uses a cane as she walks from the kitchen. Her red hair looks washed out, she has gained a beer belly, and her eyes have jaundice.
JAYLYNN: That damn Demi Lovato. They don't make starlets like her anymore. Come and get it!
A bunch of dogs magically appear and come towards their food bowls to eat.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): Perfect. I need you guys to grow up big and strong. Don't leave me. Don't be like everyone else.
Beat.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): You're dogs, you can't understand complex emotions.
A knock is heard at the door. Jaylynn opens the door to reveal an attractive female UPS worker with a package in hand.
UPS WORKER: Package for a Jaylynn S. Hernandez?
JAYLYNN: I'll sign, thank you. Say, you're a mighty fine woman. Good golly, Miss Molly!
UPS WORKER: Um, thanks? I do Pilates.
JAYLYNN: And it shows. If you're interested, how about we deliver some packages in here?
UPS WORKER: Ma'am, I'm straight. Wait, are you rich?
JAYLYNN: Fixed income.
UPS WORKER: Then we're done here. Have a nice day.
The UPS worker leaves and Jaylynn closes the door.
JAYLYNN: I was going to rock her world. Show her what my mama gave me.
Jaylynn sets down the package and sits back down. She sighs.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): I did alright for myself. Never married, never dated anyone more than a few months. And I have everything I could ever want.
One of the dogs runs up to Jaylynn and she starts petting it.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): All I need is you guys. Mmmm, you stink, go put something on.
The dog proceeds to urinate on the floor and Jaylynn slaps it.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): What did I tell you? Don't make in my house, I own you!
The dog gets upset and starts to chase Jaylynn around. The other dogs follow and they attack her as she screams on the floor.
SCENE 26
The Hernandez Household
Interior Jaylynn's Bedroom
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn wakes up with a concerned look on her face.
JAYLYNN: I'm an idiot. I need to be with Jasmine. Why was I so fat?
SCENE 27
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
The next morning, RK walks into the house and stops when he hears faint shrieking. He slowly walks towards the sound, and sees the rat unable to break free from Wade's reinforced glue trap near the kitchen. A huge smile appears on RK's face. He skips towards the rat, then chuckles.
RK: Good morning, rat. See, while you're laying there as uncomfortably as you can possibly be, I want to tell you something. What's that?
RK cups his hand to his ear and grins when he hears more squeaking from the rat.
RK (CONT.): It's true. Wade, KG, and I are better than you. We didn't want to hurt you. We didn't want it to come down to this, but you forced our hand. You came into my house, the house that I kick my feet up at, and ruined my ravioli night. You took food out of my mouth, so now, I'm taking your life. It's funny. In a way, you're stuck like glue. Get it? Stuck like glue? You're in the trap, baby, you're stuck like glue? You'll get it, hopefully before you die.
RK snickers and whistles "Stuck Like Glue" by Sugarland as he walks away from the fallen rat.
SCENE 28
That same morning, Jaylynn has a big smile on her face as she drives through the streets of Seattle. She looks down at her phone and scrolls through pictures taken of her and Jasmine together. She takes a deep breath and continues to drive.
SCENE 29
CVS
Interior Card Aisle
Seattle, Washington
("Death Do Us Part" by Nick Jonas plays over the store's loudspeakers)
Jaylynn is in the card aisle, looking at potential cards to give to Jasmine as a way to profess her love. She notices a CVS employee nearby and walks over to him.
JAYLYNN: Hey. There's this girl I really like, and I decided to tell her how I feel. Do you have any cards that will make her go crazy for me?
CVS WORKER: Well, a friend of mine gave this card to his girl. She loved it. Maybe you could give your girl the same card.
The CVS worker gives Jaylynn a card with a black background, depicting Ariana Grande on the cover of her 2014 album "My Everything." The front of the card reads "If You Know How To Be My Baby..."
JAYLYNN: Hmmm. It's cool.
CVS WORKER: Open it.
Jaylynn opens the card up and "Be My Baby" by Ariana Grande featuring Cashmere Cat immediately starts playing, with the inside of the card reading "Take This Card And Drive Me Crazy!"
JAYLYNN: Yes, this...this is the thing that puts it all together.
SCENE 30
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Lunchroom
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn struts into the lunchroom with confidence, carrying her card in a pink envelope. She looks around for Jasmine and her smile vanishes when she sees Jasmine talking to another girl. Jasmine's eyes light up and she is seen holding the girl's hands across the table. Cut back to Jaylynn, who looks devastated. She is on the verge of tears, but she does her best to hold them in as she leaves the cafeteria.
SCENE 31
Craig Bartlett Junior High School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn throws her card in the garbage can and walks off-screen sniffling, defeated and humiliated. Fade to black.
("No Pressure" by Justin Bieber featuring Big Sean plays over the end credits)
POST-CREDITS GAG
The Jennings Household
Interior Dining Room
Seattle, Washington
("Stuck Like Glue" by Sugarland plays through RK's portable speaker)
RK dances as he holds a tray of ravioli, then glides it towards the dining room table. Meanwhile, KG dances in his seat and lip-syncs the lyrics to "Stuck Like Glue."
RK: We did it, bro. Thanks to Wade and his upgrades on the traps, our rat problem is now over and done.
KG: Damn right. We took our power back. We didn't stay silent. We fought the good fight and stood up to injustice.
RK: You know what this means? We're survivors. And survivors deserve a prize. A ravioli prize.
KG: Yeah, buddy!
RK starts to put ravioli on KG's plate when he notices something off-screen. He looks almost pale.
RK: Um, KG?
KG: What?
RK motions his head towards what he's looking at, and KG turns in that same direction. Cut to a shot of a giant cockroach on the wall, then back to RK and KG.
KG: Jesus Christ, he's thick. Do you think Wade knows anything about how to get rid of roaches?
RK: He better f***ing know.
KG nods as RK stares at the wall in disgust and "Stuck Like Glue" continues playing in the background. Cut to black.
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