Guess who sucks at and hates college? That's right, this weirdo right here. The past month was horrible and that's one of the main reasons I didn't update apart from my laziness. Well, enough about me.. you guys! It's the story's first anniversary today! I can't believe it has been a year already, trust me this has been such an amazing journey and there's so much more to come. I feel like I have grown so much in the past year as a writer and even just as being me (even though I'm still kinda childish and awkward...) I feel so old. All of you, your support and love is what keeps this story going. I am forever immensely grateful to you and I adore each and everyone of you. I've had some really cool reviewers this month, Amu Wants Noodles is one of the most hilarious and adorable reviewers I've had so far. To Kimi, my grammar vigilante, my inspiration and to Lani, one of my oldest and most amazing readers and beta-reader, I send the hugest hug I am capable of. Okay, so this author's note is getting pretty long and so is this chapter, hope it makes up for the month I skipped, dig in!
Chapter: 12
"Spectrum."
I slightly shivered as Killua helped me in through the window. For a few seconds, I just stood there, staring at my room's floor as I hugged myself, my hands causing wrinkles appear on the over-sized shirt I was wearing, which was Killua's.
"Now that," he said as he stood in front of me with his hands in his pockets, "Is some serious rule-breaking."
I raised my currently psychotic gaze and met his, my eyelids trembling. I felt like a volcano and if that was right, I had some serious lava burning in me. "Just," I breathed. "Just get out."
He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, come on. I said I was sorry."
I narrowed my eyes. "Sorry?" I asked in disbelief. "For what exactly are you sorry? Are you sorry for making me see that horror movie? Or are you sorry for making me go through a sleepless night?" I demanded. "Wait, are you sorry for literally almost drowning me? Or are you sorry for making fun of the way I walk?"
He blinked.
"Explain to me what you are sorry for."
"Alright," he said as he led me to the bed and sat me down like I was a mentally and physically disabled person. "First of all, that wasn't a horror movie, it was an action movie; it's not my fault the slightest hints of blood make you throw up. Secondly, you were the one who refused to sleep because according to you, you were going through a 'murder thirst'," he quoted, rolling his eyes. "Third, I said I was really sorry and I'll say it again, I shouldn't have done what I did last night, it was wrong and lastly, you have to admit it's hard not to laugh at the way you stumble around," he said, disguising a chuckle as a cough.
I gritted my teeth and stood up as I rubbed my temples. "Get lost," I said as I headed for the door.
"You're taking this too seriously," he said as he followed me.
"Where are you going?" I asked him.
"Where are you going?" he asked back.
I looked around and placed a hand on my forehead in frustration. "You're not coming downstairs with me. It's seven a.m.," I shot. "I've been out all night and I'm pretty sure my parents figured that out and even if they didn't, I certainly don't wanna give the wrong impression by casually walking downstairs with you in—" I paused. "Oh, God." I passed a hand through my hair as I sped to my closet. I was about to go down there in his shirt, I had literally lost it, what was I thinking?
I pulled out my stuff from the closet and strode to the bathroom, locking the door.
"What now?" he demanded from outside. "You're gonna isolate yourself in there until it wears off?"
I took off his shirt and boxers and put on my own clothing.
"Really?" he asked when I didn't answer.
"Shut your mouth, I'm changing."
"Oh— and by the way you forgot your stuff at my place."
I brushed my teeth and unlocked the door. "Go to hell."
"What do want me to do with it?"
"Burn it," I said, walking to the door. "Just—stay here or leave, do whatever the hell you want," I said, shrugging.
"Why? I'm going down," he said while he tried to walk past me.
I caught his arm. "No—you—do you know what they'll think if they see you here?"
"What?" he asked raising an eyebrow.
"They—that you—we—" I stuttered. "Just— I beg you, don't go down there."
He rolled his eyes. "Seriously?"
"Killua for the sake of—"
Suddenly, the door opened and my mom was standing there, staring at both of us. "Hey," she said awkwardly, waving at us.
"Hey, Hana," Killua waved back.
I bit the inside of my cheek.
"Claire, honey where were you?" she asked.
"She was at my place," Killua said.
I face-palmed.
"We got back pretty late from the movie, so we didn't really wanna disturb you," he said, giving a one-sided smile.
"Oh—" said my mom as she nodded. "Well, it wasn't a problem really. Just," she shrugged. "We got worried, you could have called."
Killua nodded back and the way they looked at each other it seemed as if they had some sort of secret understanding.
"Honey, actually I needed a favour," she said, looking at me.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"I need to attend this party tomorrow, friend's engagement," she clarified. "I'm super busy today, and I was wondering if you could go to the mall and get me a dress?"
I looked at her, confused. "What about the red one you bought last week? You haven't even tried it on yet," I informed.
She blinked. "Red doesn't look good on me," she objected. "And besides, I need something slightly more fancy, like the kind of dress they wear at those prom thingies," she said awkwardly, moving her hand, something was wrong here.
I narrowed my eyes. "How am I supposed to get there? I don't have a car."
She gave me a skeptical look. "And that's supposed to be my fault?" she demanded. "You're the one with the 'carphobia'," she said, making quotation marks with her fingers.
I rolled my eyes. It was a matter of common observation that cars were dangerous non-living creatures.
"I could take her," interjected Killua.
"You'd do that?" asked my mom, excited.
"Sure," he shrugged.
She clasped her hands together and I looked between the two of them, something was doubtlessly fishy. "Then it's settled," she squeaked excitedly.
"What about your size?" I demanded.
"I'm the same size as you—just get me something you'd pick for yourself," she informed. "And both of you, come down for breakfast, now," she retorted as she shut the door.
I sighed and covered my face with my hands for a second until I strode past Killua and walked out and, as expected, he followed.
"Let it go already," he said as I got in the kitchen and opened the freezer, taking out some ice-cream.
I didn't answer him; I just put two scoops in a bowl and started literally stuffing it in my mouth.
"Healthy breakfast," he commented, leaning against the counter.
"I need sugar in my system to resist the urge to strangle you right now," I said through a mouthful of ice-cream. I had finished the whole thing in about a minute.
"How stubborn can you get?" he asked casually.
I took a deep breath and faced him. "Just—just go away. I really don't want to see you right now. My temper is out of control and you need to get out of my sight," I warned.
Suddenly his expression changed and he looked serious, really serious. "You don't wanna see me?" he asked, his tone was very, very velvety.
I crossed my arms around my chest. Nope, he wasn't using those mind games on me. "No."
He took a step closer. "Not even later?" he questioned, boring his gaze into mine.
I struggled keep my breath steady. "No," I said, shaking my head.
Then his hand moved down to my arm, tracing slowly down to my elbow. "Are you sure?" he asked, his lips inches away from my ear.
"I—" I stuttered. "I— wanna see you at school," I confessed.
"You do?" he asked, his hand moving down to my hip. Oh, fucking—
"Yeah," I breathed as, in one swift motion, he lifted me and placed me down on the counter.
"So, you're not mad anymore?" he asked, slowly leaning in.
"I—" I whimpered as our lips met. Considering it was our second kiss, it was embarrassing to say I was about to pass out, I was such a dork. He held my arms lightly as his lips moved slowly, perfectly. After a few seconds, he broke off. "You were saying?" he whispered.
"No," I exhaled. "No, I'm not mad anymore." I tried to catch my breath.
"Do want me to drop you off?" he asked.
I shook my head. "No, my dad's dropping me off today."
"Alright, I'll see you in a while then."
"You're not staying for breakfast?" I asked.
He smiled crookedly at me. "Catch your breath," he advised as he walked away.
I covered my face with my hands and tried to control my breathing. It was ridiculous how I was letting him affect me in such a way.
Now you're probably wondering what exactly happened to drive me insane at seven in the morning and make me thug enough for a night out. Well let me tell you, it's not what you think. It's an annoyingly long and crazy story which started last night when Killua proposed we go watch a movie. Now, the tragedy was that, contrary to my expectations, the movie had quite some blood in it, which might or might not have been the reason I skipped the last part to go throw up. But the real thing started when we had to stop on the way home for an 'emergency', of the Killua kind.
Killua heaved a huge sigh of relief as he got back into the car, holding a box of candy. "Finally mine," he said, worshipping it with his eyes.
I rolled my eyes as I sat on the passenger's seat. "Guess what else is yours."
He looked at me, amused. "What?"
"This parking ticket," I said, handing him a chit of paper. "I told you to park in a proper place."
He opened a compartment in his dashboard where there were about ten more similar chits and shut it. "Another member of the family."
My eyes widened. "Are you insane?" I asked. "You could get in jail."
He shook his head and sighed. "See, Claire. That is the problem with you. You're way too afraid to break the rules."
"Yeah, I mean that's one of the tendencies of not being a criminal," I enlightened.
"Sometimes, breaking rules is fun. It's a way to challenge yourself." He pulled out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. "For example," he continued, "You freak out when you're five minutes late to class," he said, holding it between his lips.
I glared at him.
"What?" he asked.
"Throw it away," I ordered.
"No."
"I mean, seriously," I said in disbelief. "Your behaviour span varies from that of an eight-year old with a chocolate craving to a forty-year old with a smoking addiction," I said, grabbing the cigarette and crumpling it.
"Hey—" he complained as he grabbed my wrist.
"You know what I read?" I asked him.
"That's it's not nice to snatch other people's stuff?"
"No, that people that suffer from any kind of addiction usually do it to get things off their mind."
"What?" he asked, confused.
"You say you have things on your mind sometimes," I clarified.
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I don't have any psychological disorder going on, don't worry."
"It's not an illness, it's—"
"—Claire," he interrupted.
"What?"
"You're on me."
"What?" I asked confused as I looked down and understood what he meant. I had gotten so absorbed in the conversation and making him understand my point that I was on him, as in literally sitting on him with one of my wrists in his hand and my face inches away from his.
I jumped back to the passenger seat.
"It's okay you can say it," he shrugged. "You're insanely attracted to me, I get it."
I rolled my eyes. "Remember that time you said let's pretend this never happened? Let's do that again."
He snorted. "So where were we?" he asked while he started the car.
"Rule-breaking, challenging yourself," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Yes, are you up for it?" he asked as he drove forward.
"Is this some kind of a bet?" I questioned, studying his face.
"Totally," he agreed.
"Alright then, I will break rules and you—" I said, pensively. "You have to be punctual to all your classes and submit that history assignment on time and," I added. "No smoking," I challenged.
He considered it for a moment. "Done." he smirked. "And let's be clear," he added. "When I say 'I challenge you' you have to roll up your sleeves and get ready for any sort of insane dare, and by any, I mean any."
"What?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. "Where did that come from? Who said anything about me taking orders from you?"
"Oh, come on, you really didn't think I'd let my side of the bet be a piece of cake for you, did you?" he demanded. "We both know what breaking the rules is to you. Taking two of the steps at a time, not making your bed—"
"I never make my bed," I interjected.
"Whatever. The point is," he explained, "I have to punctually attend eight classes, complete a huge assignment and not to mention give up smoking. It's only fair that you give this bet enough flexibility to allow my rules in too."
"No way," I refused. "How can I literally obeying each and every one of your orders be fair?"
"Not orders," he corrected. "Challenges, to test your capacities."
"Of unlimited number? Each day?" I asked furiously.
"Don't worry," he assured. "No blood."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "I don't trust you."
He rolled his eyes. "So, the loser has to do whatever the other person says," he announced. "Deal?" he asked, holding out his hand.
I considered it for a moment. "Deal," I agreed as I took it.
"And if you break your word?" he asked.
"I never break my word." I smirked.
He smiled crookedly. "Alright then, let's go," he said as he opened his door.
I raised my eyebrows. "Where are we going?"
"So, I'm going to take you to see a movie and not buy you ice-cream?" he asked, giving me a skeptical look.
I narrowed my eyes. "What are you up to?"
He pursed his lips and rolled his eyes. "What? Seriously? You suspect me that much?" he asked in a faked hurt voice.
I rolled my eyes and opened my door. "That's an understatement," I muttered as I got out.
"Here," he said, handing me a cone with a light green scoop on it when we stood on the pavement of the central park.
"Is this mint?" I asked, examining it.
"So it seems," he said as we both walked forward. "You don't like it?"
I shrugged. "I wouldn't know," I admitted. "I never tried it."
"And you don't want to?"
I grimaced. "No, I don't really like trying new things," I confessed.
He raised his cone with the chocolate scoop. "Well I don't either," he said, scratching his head, confused. He took mine from me and stared at both the ice-creams until he squashed them both together and twisted the mess. He handed me the cone which was now an irregular blast of green and brown.
I stared at him.
"There, now we have something old and something new," he announced. "And we can't have the old thing unless we try the new one."
I made a disgusted face. "Now that I think of it, just mint seemed a lot more tempting."
He chuckled. "Look at it through my point of view," he advised.
"Yeah, still looks like badly squashed ice-cream," I retorted.
"Break the rules," he added.
"How is eating this breaking the rules?" I demanded.
"Challenge yourself."
"I really don't want to."
"Then I challenge you," he concluded. "I challenge you, to finish that thing."
I was about to scoff when I remembered the bet we just set. I glared at him and then at the ice-cream. "Alright then, how about you hand me that packet of cigarettes you got in your pocket?"
He looked at me pensively for a minute before he pulled it out of his pocket. "I'll do that," he said, handing me the little box.
I immediately threw it in the nearest dustbin. "I think I'm ready to try this now."
"Glad you are," he said, flashing a set of perfect ultra-white teeth as he sat down on the edge of the huge fountain. "Together?" he offered.
I walked and seated myself next to him. "Together," I assented. I closed my eyes and licked the frozen mess.
"So?" Killua asked after a few seconds.
"It's not that bad," I disclosed. "You?"
He smiled. "I hate it."
I giggled. "You are one blunt guy."
"Is that a compliment?" he asked.
"I guess." I shrugged. "But you know, sometimes it seems—" I paused to find the right word. "Forced," I concluded.
"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.
"I mean—I bet there's a lot more to you—you put on a good show."
He just looked at me for a moment until he smirked and patted my head. "You're cute when you try to act smart," he said as his palm hit my head with just a little too much force and my face went crashing into the ice-cream in my hand.
I lifted my head back up and looked at him in disbelief.
"You—got—some," he said, tracing at his chin with his finger. "—on your face." He handed me a tissue.
I wiped my face. "Idiot," I muttered.
He turned and faced the water side of the fountain. "You know this water makes me curious," he ventured.
"Why?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and I finished my ice-cream and turned to look at the magnificently lit, enormous fountain of the central park.
"Because," he clarified. "I can't picture you swim."
I rolled my eyes. "Consider yourself blessed," I said as I mentally recalled the swimming lessons my mom made me take at twelve.
"So you can't swim?" he asked, amused as he raised an eyebrow.
"Can you fly?" I challenged looking away.
"You can't swim," he said to himself as he straightened his position.
I sighed.
"I'm about to do something cruel," he said, looking at me.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"I know I'll regret it," he admitted. "But I won't. Knowing that in that moment I couldn't help myself."
"Killua?" I asked, staring at him. "Are you okay?"
"Temptation," he said. "I'm helpless against it."
"What are you—"
Suddenly, he placed his hand on my shoulder and pushed me back into the water.
It took my brain just a little too long to process what had just happened. Since I had zero limb coordination, all I knew was that I was flapping my arms in a way I was sure was helping me in drowning more than getting out. As soon as I could catch a breath, I tried to scream, but instead all that came out was a whimper. I was sure now, I was about to die.
I didn't really have that slow motion perception of anything around me; to be honest, I couldn't even seem to recall why I was here in the first place. But, I did have this faded image before me as some words from really long ago echoed through my brain.
"You have to learn to develop a feel with the water," said my swimming instructor as I jerked my arms in the water like an octopus with four missing tentacles.
Bad memories, horrible memories.
"You have to learn to develop a feel with the water."
I can't, I don't even know what that means.
"You have to learn to develop a feel with the water."
I don't know how.
"You have to learn to develop a feel with the water."
I can't, I can't, I can't. I CAN'T.
I took a deep breath as someone gripped my arms tightly and pulled me out. I opened my eyes as wide as I could and coughed as I stared at the cautious looking Killua before me.
I couldn't even blink, there were just weird little noises coming out of my throat as water dripped from every single part of me. I dryly sobbed once.
His eyes widened. "Don't— don't cry," he pleaded.
I gulped, my breath hitching. My lips were trembling and my teeth were chattering loudly. I was about to cry, I was about to cry, big time.
"I'm sorry— please don't," he begged.
"I CAN'T DEVELOP A FEEL WITH THE WATER!" I exploded as tears started streaming down my face. "I CAN'T! I CAN'T! I CAN'T DO IT!"
He blinked twice and slightly gaped. "You can't," he assented.
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?" I demanded.
"I—I really don't know," he reiterated, looking worriedly at me.
I took a deep calming breath and glared at him.
He took a step forward and wiped my eyes lightly with his fingers and patted my head while placing it on his chest.
I was in a state of complete and utter shock. I closed my eyes and snivelled. I couldn't think straight, I didn't even have it in me to stand upright.
"I'm sorry," he whispered after a while.
I gulped. I wanted to call him names, really bad names; but I was totally out of breath and energy. "How—" I demanded breathlessly as I held the bridge of my nose. "How am I going to get home like this?" I enquired with my eyes shut.
He cleared his throat as he stepped to a side and dug his hands in his pockets. "You don't have to necessarily go—home," he added.
I stepped out of Killua's bathroom after a long—long shower to tame my nerves. I dropped the towel and looked at the over-sized shirt he had left on the bed for me. I had no idea where the wet pile of my clothes was, but even if he had disposed of it somewhere, my bra and underwear had gone with it and I wasn't sure how exactly Killua's pants could fit me without dropping off.
I pulled on the shirt and to my surprise there was a pair of black boxers under it. I just gaped at it for a moment until I covered my face with my hands; if I could blush, I would be seven shades of red right now. I closed my eyes and pulled them on. I didn't even have the stamina left to examine his room because I was still in the height of embarrassment, I strode out.
I narrowed my eyes as I saw him sprawled there on the couch, typing something on the touch screen of his phone, like he just hadn't almost drowned me a while ago.
I took a moment to gather all the reasons I was mad at him in my head, to accumulate all the rage I was capable of holding. I strode to the couch and unconsciously stepped on my own foot, falling straight on his chest. I raised my head and we both looked at each other for an instant, his face was too close, too close. I quickly collected myself and stood up.
He chuckled casually as he met my gaze. "You know you make exactly the same face each time you trip or occasionally,drench," he added, raising his eyebrow.
I scowled at him and gritted my teeth. "YOU JERK!" I shouted as I kicked him on his shoulder.
"What the—hey—" he said. I pulled at his hair.
"How dare you do that and think you can get away with it! You bastard! Idiot!" I said, smacking his forearm. "You fucking asshole!"
He quickly grabbed my wrists and shifted in a matter of seconds until he had me pinned to the couch and was above me.
"Let go you—"
He caught both of my hands in one of his and placed a hand on my mouth as he glared at me.
I stopped struggling for a moment.
He removed his hand and raised a finger to his lips. "Gon's asleep," he notified. "If he wakes up because of this fuss you're making, I promise you'll regret it," he warned.
I blinked once and just stared at him until I raised my leg and kicked him square in the abdomen.
He jerked back as he wasn't expecting it. "What is wrong with you?" he whisper-shouted.
I caught my breath as I sat upright. "Consider yourself lucky; next time I take aim, I'll make sure you can't ever even attempt to reproduce."
His eyes widened. He shifted back and leaned his head against the couch, closing his eyes. "It's three in the morning, you should get some sleep."
I didn't answer, I just retreated to one side of the couch.
"You can go in my room, I'll sleep out here," he told me.
Again, I didn't answer. I still had a whole lot of unattended business left with him.
"You can lock the door," he assured.
"What about I lock your face?" I suggested. "What about I kill you?"
He blinked at me. "You seriously need some rest."
"I can't sleep," I said. "And I advise you not to either, I can't make any promises about not trying to murder you in your unconsciousness."
"I said I was sorry, what else do you want?" he asked, exhausted.
"I want you to take me home, right now."
He gave me an annoyed look. "I'm not taking you home at this time, wait until morning," he said as he closed his eyes.
I crossed my arms around my chest and examined his apartment. "How come you live two streets away from me and I didn't find out until today?" I asked.
He didn't reply; he just sat there with his eyes closed.
I sighed and walked to the room grabbing a pillow. I placed it on the arm of the couch and with all the strength I had in me, I pushed Killua to the side, until his head leaned against it. He shifted slightly and peeked through his eyelashes. "Can't you kill me tomorrow?" he mumbled.
I rolled my eyes as I turned on the TV and lowered the volume. "Tomorrow it is."
"Claire?" my dad asked, waving his hand in front of me as I sat lost in thought on the kitchen counter.
"Y-yeah?" I asked, stuttering.
"Are you drooling?" he asked worriedly.
I immediately moved my fingers to my lips. For the— "I'm sweating," I mumbled, getting off the counter.
"Through your mouth?"
"Apparently."
"Are you ready to go?"
"Oh—yeah. Yeah, just let me grab my bag," I said. I sped to my room.
"Remind me again," I said as my dad started the car. "Why are you dropping me to school today?" I fastened my seat belt.
He rolled his eyes as he drove forward. "For the billionth time, I'm leaving for York New," he said, taking a turn. "Does that ring a bell about the story I told you yesterday?" he demanded.
"Oh—yeah. Last three days of the auction, you're leading the surveillance team," I recalled.
"Exactly."
"I don't get it, September's almost gone by and not a single tragedy."
"It's surprising," he admitted. "No threats yet either, they're just being cautious by arranging super-tight security for the end of the auction."
"Maybe the Zoldycks finally decided to step-down," I mumbled.
"Maybe," he agreed.
We both just sat there in an awkward silence for a few minutes.
"This is weird," I said after a while.
"It is," he said, stopping at a red light.
"We weren't like this before, were we?" I asked.
"Not really," he admitted.
"I don't get it, why do I feel this weird—" I said, moving my hand sideways, "Distance."
He didn't answer; he just kept staring at the signals.
"Dad?" I asked, worried.
"Yeah?" he asked as we moved forward, not meeting my gaze.
"What's going on?" I demanded.
"Nothing," he shrugged, acting unaffected.
I just stared at him.
He kept looking at the windshield until he finally sighed. "Fine—it's just that—I never—we just don't get to spend any time together anymore," he confessed. "I know," he justified, "You have a boyfriend now and kids grow up and you have to let them go eventually but—" he didn't finish the sentence and I knew he wasn't going to. He was horrible at expressing how he felt, like me.
I just stared at him. "D-dad, I—I'm—" I stuttered. I really didn't have words. I couldn't even tell him how sorry I was, what an idiot I was for not realizing it or how bad I felt right now.
"Honey it's just—" he began. "I miss you."
I felt a huge lump in my throat as I bit my lip. "I miss you too dad—I'm so sorry."
"No don't be, it's okay—"
"No," I interrupted. "It's not okay—I need to—I'm going to make it up to you and you know what? You and I are going to spend some quality daughter-father time together," I announced.
He took the last turn as we entered the school's parking lot and stopped the car. "Like a dinner?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"Monday?" he asked, smiling.
I nodded. "It's a date?" I smirked.
He chuckled. "It's a date," he agreed.
I hugged him. "I love you, dad, I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too honey," he said, kissing my hair.
"Take care of Hana," he requested.
"I will," I promised. "But I'm not reading those nursery rhymes with her, the mother's voice soothes the baby," I quoted, rolling my eyes.
He chuckled. "My mom too, and yourself."
I sighed. "Of course," I agreed. "But don't talk like that dad, makes me feel like you're not coming back."
"Life is unexpected, but I'll be here as long as you need me."
"Dad—I'll always need you, don't let go just yet."
"I wasn't going to," he said, holding me tighter.
"Killua?" I said as I spotted him, standing outside the car's door.
My dad retreated and faced him.
"Sorry," he apologized, scratching his head. "Am I interrupting something?"
"No, not at all," said my dad and I at the same time.
I got out of the car as he and my dad were talking. I waited for about five minutes until they were done and we waved my dad goodbye.
"We," said Killua, placing his arm around my neck. "Are going to have some real fun today."
"If you do anything like last night," I warned. "I swear I will break your teeth into a thousand pieces and make you put them back together with adhesive."
He raised an eyebrow. "Don't worry," he assured. "Today is not about what I'll do, it's all about what you'll do," he smirked.
My eyelids trembled and I cursed myself internally for accepting that bet. I could have just drawn out, but giving up right now and proving myself inferior to him while he already had this mental feud against the female gender? This was war and I had really small chances of survival. Today was going to be a long day.
I ran out of Biology II with a book covering my face, I peeked around the edges very carefully. I needed strategy, camouflage. Once I would cross the library, I could make it straight to the girl's restroom and then I would be safe unless he was shameless enough to follow me there.
I hesitantly took a turn until a short girl handed me a flyer, freaking me out. I simply strode past her, glancing once at the piece of paper, still reminding everyone about the homecoming dance, which was tomorrow, as if all the chatters of excitement and the materials for the decorations strewn everywhere weren't enough.
I crumpled it and threw it in the bin at the last turn and just as I was about to make it, I felt a strong grip around my arms and I was spun around in the matter of seconds.
"Woah," said Killua, smirking. "Not so fast."
I glared at him. "What are you? A dark sorcerer?" I blabbered.
He raised an eyebrow. "I believe the word you're looking for is—" he paused, "Incredibly hot Greek God."
I rolled my eyes. "How is that even relevant?"
"Where were you going?" he asked, dodging my question.
"Hell," I replied. "Unless you're gonna be there too."
He rolled his eyes. "I've been fair to you."
"You made me throw a paper ball at the history teacher," I reminded.
"She deserved it."
"You made me quit my library duty."
"You hated that job," he reminded.
"But—but now the librarian hates me."
He gave me a skeptical look. "And how does that affect you?"
"I—"
"Listen to me; she's a loser that's trying to hand her job down to you. Let her hate you," he advised. "She can't do anything more than that."
"What if she glares at me?" I asked.
"Give her the middle finger," he said like it was something obvious.
I sighed. "Why did you make me sign up for tennis tryouts?" I demanded.
He gave me a weird look as I realized he was biting back a huge grin.
I pushed him aside and walked forward. "I hate you," I said through gritted teeth.
He matched my pace. "So, I was thinking, next you should—" he began.
I stopped and raised a hand silencing him. I sniffed carefully. "Is that—?" I caught a hold of his shirt and pulled him forward and smelled him. "Is that tobacco?" I asked.
He raised both his hands. "I swear I haven't even touched a cigarette."
He was right, he smelled like he always did, amazing. I looked behind me and spotted a black-haired guy smoking by the lockers. I sighed. "Your self-control can't be that flawless," I mumbled as I paced ahead.
"Contrary to your desire,it is." He smirked.
I sighed again. I was sighing a lot today.
"You know what?" he said, looking at my destroyed expression. "I'll give you a deal, a concession," he clarified.
"Like what?"
"Just complete this one last challenge and I won't ask you to do anything for the rest of the afternoon."
"Like really?" I enquired.
"Yeah."
"And—and what exactly do I have to do?" I asked cautiously.
He caught my shoulders and spun me around as he brought us to a stop. We were standing right in front of the cafeteria doors. "Get yourself lunch," he said.
I blinked. "Sorry?" I demanded, horrified.
"You heard me. Go in there—get yourself lunch, that's it."
"Like—literally go in there?"
"Yeah."
I took a deep breath. "I can't—do, I can't do that. Do that— I can't."
"Come again?" he said.
"I can't do that," I mumbled. "I can't—people—no." I shook my head.
"Hm," he said pensively. "Well then." He spun around. "I have a lot of other things in mind, for this afternoon as well," he added. "Let's go." He indicated, jerking his head to a side.
I took in a hesitant breath and looked carefully at the cafeteria doors. "Just—just get myself lunch?" I questioned.
He raised an eyebrow. "That's what I said."
I balled my hands into fists and closed my eyes. Just get myself lunch. "Al—alright," I nodded. "No more stupid dares until the rest of the afternoon," I encouraged myself.
"I could come with if you want," he proposed.
"NO," I said immediately.
He gave me a disapproving look.
"If you'll come people will stare, at you," I explained.
He rolled his eyes and gestured towards the cafeteria.
I took one really deep breath and brought my trembling hand to the doors. With my eyes tightly shut, I pushed it open.
I had really no idea what I had expected it to be, but as I slowly opened my eyes, the scene before was quite—ordinary.
People—people on their tables, people standing in lines, people playing with their food, people staring at food, people with more people and nobody seemed to be idle enough to stare at me. I felt really tiny, as almost non-existing, people minding their own business—I liked that.
As soon as I regained the feeling that I had feet, I stumbled forward and took a place in line. I examined each and every part of the cafeteria and it wasn't actually white like I pictured it, it was full of colours—faded colours. The best part was no one was staring and even if one out of these seemingly millions of people were, the thought didn't bother me.
"Do you want something?" asked the irritated looking lunch lady, breaking my train of thought.
"Yes," I replied immediately. "I'll have—" I said as my gaze darted between the displayed food. "That." I pointed.
She raised an eyebrow. "A hamburger?"
I nodded. I felt slightly smug.
"Your tray?" she questioned.
"W-what?" I asked, confused.
She sighed. "Honey, pick up a tray from that column." She gestured.
"Oh—right," I said, obeying her instructions and took my weird looking lunch to a completely empty table.
"How did that feel?" asked a familiar voice from my side. I spotted Killua sitting next to me.
"When did you—?" I began startled, but then decided to give up and shook my head. "I feel good," I admitted.
"You do?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "No injuries? No deaths? No people—staring at you?" he said the word like it was forbidden.
I rolled my eyes as I poked the hamburger.
"Don't eat it," he ordered. "It's disgusting."
I blinked and looked around. "People are staring," I admitted. "Because of you," I added. "But, I can always pretend like they aren't—and even if I can't do that, to be honest, I really don't care," I concluded.
He leaned his chin on his fist. "Took you long enough to get there." He smirked. "Don't give a fuck of what other people say, do, or think, understood?"
I pursed my lips and nodded. "I feel really good," I admitted, biting back a grin.
I was still in the same smug-slash-excited mode as we walked out to the parking lot. I felt like jumping, no—hopping.
"Settle down," advised Killua, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Save that energy for later."
I looked at him in disbelief. "You promised," I complained. "No more dares for the rest of the afternoon."
"And I'll keep my word," he mused, raising an eyebrow. "But you better keep yours."
"What?"
He sighed and stared at his wrist watch. "You promised Hana you'd go shopping for her," he reminded. "And I'm supposed to take you there." He opened the car door for me.
I paused, looking at him. "She's making it up," I informed him as I got in.
"What do you mean?" he asked as he sat down and started the car.
"The engagement thing," I clarified. "She's married and has been married for ten years, why would she have a friend who isn't even engaged yet?"
"People have friends with age differences." He shrugged as he reversed.
"Yeah, but I know most of her friends, they're either married or embracing eternal loneliness," I mumbled.
"What about a divorced friend who's getting re-engaged?" he proposed as we got stuck behind a line of cars.
"In a day?" I asked.
"Anything could happen."
"She's up to something," I mused. "I just can't figure out what."
He watched me from the corner of his eyes as we moved forward. "Why do you over-analyze things?" he demanded.
I gave him a skeptical look. "Because I know my mom really well and not being able to figure out her intentions is stressing me," I admitted.
"Well that shouldn't be upsetting you," he announced. "You get to go shopping, girls like that, don't they?"
"Yeah," I said faking excitement. "Love it."
"What is it," he said as we finally exited the school's parking lot. "That makes you, you?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
"You know what I mean. How does your brain work?" he said, stirring the wheel as we took a turn.
I exhaled with a short laugh. "Killua, are you okay?"
"I'm a hundred percent serious," he promised. "I want to know what goes inside that brain of yours."
I looked at him carefully. "I wouldn't know, would I? There's a glitch in there, maybe."
He pursed his lips pensively. "Girls are weird," he concluded.
There, he did it again. I still couldn't understand what he was so at war with girls. "But I know this," I said, shifting my legs. "That you can't judge a whole group of people based on a single person, you can't judge a gender," I said, attempting to clear his misunderstandings. "We're all like—specs—of the same glass, we all impart different colours with light because it's up to us—how we refract that light within us, you know? Our own spectrum?"
He didn't answer; he just kept staring at the windshield deep in thought. "Our own spectrum," he mumbled after a while.
We were both silent as he parked the car and we entered the mall. The awkward quietude still didn't end when we got out of the elevator; he held the door for me as we entered the first store in sight.
It more crowded than usual, which reminded me again that the Homecoming dance was tomorrow, people had definitely left their shopping for the last day. I found it quite a coincidence that my mom needed a dress on the same day.
I walked past the racks with Killua following behind while I examined the dresses. I wasn't a shopping person, really. It wasn't that I hated buying clothes or anything, I was a girl after all, but I just didn't like going into stores, it made me feel suffocated.
On the other hand, I had a good taste in fashion, something I might be slightly smug about. My mom had always counted on me to pick out her outfits and I had always faithfully helped her out. It did make sense that she wanted me to choose her a dress, but the story behind it seemed slightly cliché.
I stopped to look at a particular red dress. It was tea-length, a kind of gown that was hemmed just about at the end. I could picture my mom in it and she'd look good but the problem was the colour, red was out of question.
"I like it," Killua commented.
I turned to him. "You do?"
He nodded.
"The problem is that it's red and she doesn't want that colour."
He looked at me with a questioning look as if he had forgotten about something and was extremely frustrated about it, after a while, he just shrugged.
It was about ten minutes later that I spotted a dress that made me stop and stare. It was a blue high-low gown, hemmed long in the back and just above the knees in the front, with a little glitter on the belt.
"What do you think?" I asked Killua, gesturing at it.
He examined it carefully. "It's perfect," he concluded. "It'd look great on you and best of all it matches my eyes." He blinked showing me the full glory of his thickly lashed, sapphire blue eyes as he smirked.
I blinked at him and stood there for a moment. "You know I'm getting this for my mom right?" I reminded him.
He met my gaze. "Oh, it's still a good dress."
He was right, it was beautiful in so many ways, but again this wouldn't be something that'd look suitable on a thirty year old. It was literally the kind of dress that'd be perfect for prom or in this weekend's case, the Homecoming dance. Even if I did buy it, I'd feel guilty for depriving some stranger girl of the perfect dress for the dance.
"No," I shook my head. "The dress is great, but it wouldn't look right on my mom."
"If I recall correctly," he said, passing a hand through his hair. "Hana said get her something you'd pick for yourself, didn't she?" he demanded.
"Yeah, but I mean come on—"
"Didn't she?"
"Yeah," I sighed.
"Would you buy this for yourself?"
"Well, probably, but I don't really wear dresses and—"
"Would you?"
"Yeah," I concluded.
"Then it's settled, that's the dress," he imposed.
I pursed my lips. He could be really pushy at times. "Alright, then. I'll need it in a size or two bigger," I mumbled to myself.
"Why? It would fit you just right," he opposed.
"Killua, I'll remind you again, I'm getting this for my mom."
"I know but again, if I recall correctly she distinctly said that she was the same size as you."
I gave him a weird look. He was acting so strangely, like getting the perfect dress was a matter of life or death for him. "She's pregnant," I reminded him.
He stared at me, probably coming up with another comeback. "By barely two weeks?"
"Killua, why are you—" I began, irritated.
"Just get the damned dress Claire, if the size isn't right we'll come back and change it."
I sighed in frustration. "Fine," I said through gritted teeth.
We had the dress packed and I was about to take my credit card from my wallet just when Killua took it out of my hand in one swift movement. "What the—?" I asked confused.
"Go sit in the car." He gestured outside, handing me the bag.
"Excuse me?" I demanded. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Asking you to go sit in the car?"
I glared at him. "Yeah, you can go do that with your blonde barbie fans all over the city, but don't you dare it with me. Give it back."
He drummed his fingers on the counter and shrugged as he took out his own credit card, raising my wallet to a fair height, which I definitely couldn't reach.
"Give it back," I ordered. I just stood there like an ignored kid as he paid for it and handed me back my wallet.
He raised an eyebrow, the way he did when he was about to impose a serious order. "You do not touch your wallet when you are with me."
I gritted my teeth so hard as we walked to the car, my jaw literally started hurting.
"Are you crying?" he asked as I sat with my arms crossed around my chest, pouting at the window.
I angrily rubbed my eyes. "No," I muttered.
"I don't get you," he said, frowning. "Why do you let little things get to your head?"
"Why do you impose your decisions on me?" I demanded furiously.
He stared at me for a moment. "Because I can decide better what's better for you."
I groaned. "It's my life! Why don't I get to choose?"
"Of course you get to choose," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You can always choose to agree with me."
I glared at him.
"Alright," he said as he glanced at his cell phone's screen. "I know something that can cheer you up."
"What? Smacking that annoying smirk off your face?"
He rolled his eyes. "Wait and see."
"That's Aries," I said as I moved Killua's finger tracing an irregular line.
"How can you tell?" he asked amused.
I shifted my legs as we were sitting on the bonnet of his car. He was absolutely right; this was bound to cheer me up. He had driven to the highest hill there was in Noda, and at night, it was a sight to see. I used to come here with my dad when I was younger, then I just—grew up.
"Because," I clarified, looking at the amazing blast of stars. "It's autumn; all you have to do is trace the middle star in the lower chain of Andromeda, it's clearer then."
He raised an eyebrow. "In English?"
I rolled my eyes. "Most of the stars are faint in autumn; you look at the brightest one and trace the others from there, once you find one you can detect the others. Well, to be honest, mine is a guess, I track Aries mostly because it's my zodiac."
He scratched his head. "You believe in this stuff? That people are affected by their zodiacs?"
"Of course I do, people born under the influence of certain stars have a lot of similarities."
He stared up at the sky.
"Cancer's most probably not there in this time."
"Huh?" he asked.
"Your zodiac," I explained.
"Right—I don't believe in that crap."
"Of course you don't," I mumbled, looking at the little twinkling lights of the city below us.
"Are you afraid of heights?" he asked curiously.
"Surprisingly— no," I admitted. "Are you?"
"I'm not afraid of anything." He shrugged.
I sighed as I hugged myself. "Is there somebody you love Killua?" I inquired.
He looked at me surprised. "What?"
"Are there people in this world you care for?"
He didn't answer; he just kept staring below as if he hadn't heard me.
"There are, aren't there?" I asked. "So, as long as there is a single person you love, you'll always live with the fear of losing them," I concluded. "You are afraid."
"I don't love," he said. "Love's for suckers."
"Yeah," I sighed. "You work so hard, don't you? To hide how you really feel?"
He still didn't meet my gaze. "I don't need to hide anything."
"Then why do you?" I demanded angrily. "Why do you try to play the role of this—emotionless—hardcore—jerk?"
"Shut up, Claire," he answered simply.
I just stared at him and then looked away. He was making me feel so—furious. There was a short silence.
"Girls," he said, irritated after a while. "You think you're so smart, don't you?"
I glared at him. "You don't underestimate any of the two genders, huh?" I said, recalling his words. "What's this feud that you have with girls? What—what's the difference anyway? Aren't we all human? Killua, aren't you afraid of being alone?" I demanded.
"Nope," he said coldly.
"Doesn't the dark scare you?"
"I am the dark."
"Rejection? Denial?" I asked desperately.
"That's life."
"Pain?" I breathed. "Getting hurt?"
"Why does it matter?" he asked.
"It matters to me," I whispered. "Killua, this world is a very scary place and I don't see how someone can even fathom to live without hope," I said as my voice shook.
"Life is nothing, Claire," he said, clenching his fist. "Trust me, it's a lie. Believe in nobody; people tell you they love you, they don't mean it. I am an emotionless jerk, a bad person. You're an idiot if you have hope for me or anyone else, it doesn't work, trust me." He finally met my gaze and it was enough to leave me startled. It was as if his whole existence was crumpled and I saw just a glimpse of it, revealed in shorter than an instant, until he masked it again.
"Don't say that," I pleaded. "You're too young."
He scoffed. "And you're supposed to be the older and wiser one here?" he retorted.
My lip slightly trembled. It scared me what kind of pain he was disguising, just the thought of his bruises terrified me. "I am older than you," I said, trying to lighten the mood. "By three months which makes me wiser," I mumbled.
He sighed. "And the bigger idiot."
"You know, I'm thinking you've told this lie so many times you've started believing it yourself."
"What?" he asked confusedly.
"You're not a bad person," I said softly.
"What makes you say that?" he asked, sighing as he looked away.
"You're there when I need to talk, you listen to me. You understand. It's okay to cry in front of you—you're my first friend ever and—and I feel okay when I'm with you, I look at you and all I see is—" I stopped.
"What?" he asked, boring his gaze into mine.
"Hope," I whispered as I leaned forward and softly pressed my lips to his.
At first, he just seemed frozen, but after a while he kissed me back, pressing me against him. He was so cold. The only thing I wished for was anything that could end his pain, anything. It hurt so much, because in that moment he seemed so vulnerable, so—breakable and that was the one thing I had never pictured him as.
Our lips parted after a while as I leaned back and placed my head on his shoulder. For a few seconds, there was just the sound of our really loud breathing.
"I challenge you," he said after a while.
I blinked in disbelief, what an asshole. "I decline your challenge."
"Why?" he asked, confused. "You don't even know what I'm going to say."
"Yeah, but whatever it is, it will involve shifting and I don't want to ruin this moment right now," I mumbled.
"So, you admit defeat?" he asked, surprised.
"I do," I shrugged.
"You lose the bet?" he pushed.
"Technically."
"You have to do what I say?"
"Apparently."
"Anything?" he inquired.
"That's what the bet said," I sighed. What was the worst he could make me do? Jump from a roof?
"Alright," he said. "You have to go to the Homecoming dance with me," he announced.
I jerked my head so fast it felt like I had broken my neck and looked at him in utter shock.
He looked back at me as smoothly as if he wasn't seeing what he was actually seeing on my face. I kept waiting for the moment in which he would smirk and say 'kidding' but it never came and his expression assured me he was a hundred and ten percent serious.
The galaxies are colliding; I see it from afar,
the universe is dispersing, I'll hold on to my heart.