I'm now eighteen and like so smart. I'm basically a pillar of wisdom and intelligence and I'm sooo mature now, so if you're looking for advice on life, take it from a girl who still orders a happy meal. I must inform you guys beforehand that I'm going to be shamelessly gloating behind the screen everytime I update on time, like right now. Okay, so I don't even know where to begin and how to thank you guys for your awesomeness. Thank you and you and you and you *points at everyone individually and then latches onto them like a koala.

This is the part where the plot moves forward a tiny bit and you're gonna find out what changes I've made in the election arc according to the story's plotline. For those of you who hate Claire just as much as I do, let's make that selfish bitch suffer the way she deserves and maybe make her pay for the way she treated Killua? Yes.

Ohh, and also one of the most amazing people I know (Yui) has finally released her KilluaOc fanfiction that shes's been working on for a year! If you're looking for a nice, confident and chatty OC (not a deranged, egocentrical asshole like Claire) and a cool, nineteen-year-old version of Killua, Poisoned Amaryllis by KiGaMin is your story!

I'll update on the 10th of the next month and btw I've posted some excerpts from chapter twenty and twenty-one on tumblr, if you're interested in checking them out, my blog is: basmachocolate (God, I feel so embarrassed every time I write this stupid username. Curse the day I picked it). A quick thanks to my betas and Lani, if you're reading this KNOW THAT YOU ARE AWESOME AND YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT NOW SINCE I SAID IT IN FRONT OF THE WORLD. *evil laugh.

Dig in guys, I fell when I was little. Just one last thing; there's this old Taylor Swift song called 'If this was a movie', I thought it kind of reminded me of this chapter a bit, check it out if you want?

Chapter: 19

"Solitude."

There's this penetrative quality about the humid air when you're standing thoroughly soaked in the rain and trying to look through the sleeting sheet pouring down at you, as if it knows your sins and cleanses them through your pores just to rush them back in when you're reunited with your shadow—or the lapsed sense of guilt that courses through your veins when you sit meaninglessly on an abandoned seat in the park with an excuse for sunlight dripping over you. There are times I just sit longer, waiting for a stranger to materialise on the bench by me and maybe rant on about our miserable lives—it never happens and no one ever shows up. I take it as a sign from the universe and there is nothing I can remember clearer than this feeling of emptiness. This was the kind of meaningless solace filling the hollow in my bones.

The world is a colossally big place. It's population is of about seven billion. The sky is endless and so are dreams.

The number of people residing in Noda is somewhat over a hundred thousand and this town is magically covered with an infinite sheet of clouds and rain; the sun appears once in a blue moon and in winters it snows just as much as I trip.

I live in the third house in block number 9, my name is Claire, I have a 6 days old sister who cries every night from exactly 2am to 4am and I'm seventeen and 364 days old.

But I seemed to run blank on all of this and the universe seemed like a suffocatingly small place and there were only two people on Earth when I passed by Killua Zoldyck in the hallway or when I was at my locker and he was just two steps away or during chemistry labs when his shoulder was inches away from mine.

If there was one place for me to experience deeply concentrated self hatred, to feel utterly meaningless and invisible and to imagine impossible scenarios in my head— it was right there next to him, when he ignored me so flawlessly like he wasn't even aware of my presence and I felt like maybe I wasn't even born and was just looking at other people's lives without actually being a part of them.

All of this wasn't even weird compared to the new habits I had developed in the past few days like crying myself to sleep after Katie had done her share, writing long texts which were addressed to Killua's number and then deleting them one by one, fidgeting with the two charms on the bracelet Killua had given me; I should mention at this point that gladly I wasn't wearing it on the night I had that little Mulan moment and cut my hair off otherwise it would either have been flushed away or smashed up mercilessly. I found it in my dresser just a few days back along with the picture of him and me that I ogled at on regular basis now. Lastly, I got terrified and to the point of almost giving myself a seizure, whenever Killua skipped a class or didn't show up at school because according to Gon, he and Killua were here because a person had information regarding his father and after practically snooping like a fangirl, I came to the conclusion that they were likely to leave once their work was done and that couldn't happen—I still hadn't come up with an effective plan to get Killua to forgive me.

Gon had resumed his tuition in calculus with me, though it was not a matter of many mysteries that it was actually just an excuse to see Katie everyday and everyone was grateful that he was there because when it came to infants, both my mom and my nonna were clueless since me and my dad were both adopted when we were about ten, and Gon was surprisingly amazing at dealing with kids: he could even get Katie to stop crying when she did it for no reason.

Then there was Mr. Domoto who was getting married in two months and that was the only thing I was looking forward to; graduation sounded mortifying since I couldn't bring myself to think about college and what would be of me and—

Anyway, all in all, I was becoming more paranoid everyday but somehow keeping it together on the outside. My temper was a lot better now and I even managed to keep myself under control in philosophy class.

"Miss Gaspardo?" Mr. Isawa waved his hand in front of me.

"Huh?" I asked disoriented.

"The class was dismissed five minutes ago," he informed me.

I looked around realising that he was right and stood up immediately. Damn me and my stupid mind. "Sorry," I mumbled.

As I gathered my books I thought I heard him say something under his breath that sounded a lot like "tactics."

I glared up at him in disbelief. "What are you, eighty?" The words almost slipped off my tongue but gladly, I managed to hold it back.

"Your assignment wasn't as good as the previous one," he commented.

"I was busy," I explained sliding my bag on my shoulder.

"Understandable," he said an amused tone. "I forgot to congratulate you on the birth of your sister," he recalled pensively.

I stared at him for a moment. "Do you stalk me or something?"

"Only on social media," he assured with such a Killua resembling smirk.

I grimaced at him. "You're creepy."

"In a good way?" He asked pacing behind me.

"Is there even a good way?" I mumbled as I headed out and distractedly ran into someone, dropping all the books in my arms.

The scent was so familiar I knew it was him before even looking up. For the briefest of moments Killua met my eyes and gazed at the books lying on the floor in an indecisive manner, then just walked past me like it never happened.

I sighed as I knelt down to pick them up but was surprised to see that Gon had already gathered them and was holding out a hand for me.

I took it and stood up. "Thanks," I said looking in the direction Killua had just gone.

"Don't let him bother you," he comforted. "He's been an asshole all week."

I attempted to smile at him and keep my voice steady. "You should be taking your best friend's side," I reminded him as I took the books from him one by one and placed them in my locker.

He looked at me with a guilty expression. "Are you crying?"

"Wha—" I blinked furiously, feeling the moisture in my eyes. I detested the way I cried over everything. "No—no, just something in my eye," I lied.

He nodded and I understood that I wasn't fooling anyone here. "Claire—"

"Aren't you getting late for class?" I cut off immediately.

He gave me a sad smile and seeing that this wasn't going anywhere, he left.

For the past few days Gon had been keeping me company and I could tell it was because he felt sorry for me. The worst part was that I was grateful that he did because otherwise I knew it would've been a task just to keep myself from weeping every few minutes just like right now when it took every ounce of my will not to let the tears spill from my eyes as I ran to the girl's bathroom.

I sobbed loudly just as I burst in, concentrating on keeping my breathing steady.

It was just a little too late when I spotted the auburn haired figure staring astonished at me.

I tried to hide my face with my arms as I pretended to wipe off the tears, praying in someway to vanish off the face of the earth.

"Are you okay?" Naomi asked in a worried voice.

I swallowed. "Yeah," I said as I stood up and attempted to look composed.

We both kept looking at each other in silence. The black eye that I had given her a few months ago seemed to have disappeared now. This was one of the most awkward situations that I had ever experienced.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, finally breaking the quietude. "About— that day." I honestly didn't know what to expect from her because I certainly didn't expect her to ask me whether I was okay in the first place.

There was a pause after which she walked closer to me and wrapped her arms around me unexpectedly.

I froze for a second unable to comprehend what was happening.

"I'm really sorry about your dad," she said and it was then that I remembered the day a few years back, at the start of sixth grade when the teacher had called Naomi out of the class to inform her that her father had died of a heart attack.

I embraced her back and I knew now why she came to me that day by my locker, because she understood just how much it hurt.

"I'm sorry," I repeated, my voice slightly uneven from crying. "For throwing up during that play and ruining your part," I mumbled.

She drew back and stared at me with a surprised expression and I saw that there were black tears staining her cheeks from the mascara she was wearing, then she just laughed really loudly.

"Jesus," she said wiping her tears and then chuckling again.

I dried my face with the back of my sleeve feeling like an idiot.

"Claire?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you feel alright?" She asked holding me at arm's length.

"Yeah," I said in a voice that seemed anyone's but my own. "Yeah, totally alright."

She kept looking at me then nodded before walking to the door. "I'll see you around?" She said turned back to me.

I gaped at her. "Sure," I answered weakly.

With a nod and a genuine smile, she exited leaving me thinking that there was now some kind of a silent understanding between us because there are some things you just can't go through without developing some sort of insight and one of them is hugging your life long nemesis in a bathroom after a break down.

When I woke up in the morning with my alarm buzzing in my head, still thinking that maybe I had dreamt the whole scene with Naomi, the first thing I noticed was the fancy looking package lying on the foot of my bed.

After barely three hours of sleep, my head felt unusually heavy as I picked up the card next to the present.

'Happy birthday kid. Wear it at my wedding' instructed a very sloppy handwriting which I recognised as Mr. Domoto's.

I rolled my eyes and smiled as I picked it up and transferred it to my desk, it would be opened in due time. Next to it now there was an envelope from my uncle Shirai, my mom's only brother, who sent me a load of cash as always along with a card and placed on its side was a velvet box.

A silvery-white pendant embedded with a gorgeous sapphire revealed itself after I pressed the lid open. I could tell without a doubt this was from my nonna, so I put it on since I knew she would be waiting downstairs to examine just how it looked on me. Lastly, there were several chocolate bars tied with a red ribbon, with a tag that held the words 'from Katie'.

I rolled my eyes again and went to change. One glance in the mirror and I decided I didn't look very much eighteen, so for the sake of at least appearing like I was legal, I put some eyeliner and mascara on.

I followed my morning ritual of checking and rechecking my phone for a text from Killua and after being disappointed as per routine, I walked downstairs toying with the bracelet on my wrist.

I would never admit this, but I had secretly hoped that Killua would make an exception and maybe just reach out to me today, with a text or even, if a miracle was possible, address me somehow. But I wasn't counting too much on that now or at least I wouldn't let myself count on that.

I reminded myself to refrain from sighing or rolling my eyes today since to my family my birthday was always some sort of holy festival.

There was sincerily nothing I hated more than attention and celebrations. Last year I had made my mom swear that we wouldn't be holding any sort of party on my eighteenth birthday but as I sat down, I spotted the frosting-covered pancakes, supporting a fairly sized candle forming the digit '18' and felt a frown materialise itself on my face.

"Happy birthday!" Squeaked my mom and nonna a second before I almost sighed in frustration.

"Thanks," I said forcing a smile.

Just as I dreaded they started singing and I pursed my lips wishing for the ground to swallow me.

"Mom," I said when they were done. "You remember your promise, right?" I reminded just in case she was having any ideas.

She gave me a quizzical look. "The one about not moving in with you and your husband? Don't worry."

"Mom," I repeated.

"I know, I know. No birthday party," she assured. "But you could at least blow the candle, right?"

I nodded as I started poking my breakfast with a fork.

She lighted the colourful candle before whispering, "Don't forget to make a wish."

If a year younger me actually saw me believe in this crap, she would've discontinued her life but last year I didn't know Killua at this time and I certainly wasn't in love. So, I closed my eyes and blew out the flame as I asked hopelessly for him.

I forced down the pancakes and made a quick trip to Katie's room where she was sleeping soundly like there wasn't any single worry in the world. It had kind of become a routine now, I made sure she was one of the first things I'd see as my day started.

I couldn't help a smile on seeing the peaceful expression on her face as I bent down in her cot and kissed her forehead. If I had the chance, I would give away every single joy in my life as an exchange not to have any sadness in hers. Even though just her presence threw at me an enormous wave of guilt—because not only all my blunders were reflected before me but it was a huge reminder that she wouldn't even be in this world if it weren't for the boy I had emotionally tortured for so many months—somehow around her, I also felt the most selfless I ever had, because I wasn't one to deny just how egocentric I was and right now fixing all the shit I had fucked up didn't seem easy.

It was a while later that I noticed the time and rushed outside hurriedly and briefly thanked my nonna for the present.

"Can you drop me? I'm so late," I asked my mom, pulling the strap of my bag on my shoulder,

"Drop yourself," she ordered as she handed me a set of unfamiliar car keys. "Consider it as a birthday slash graduation present."

I gritted my teeth. "I'll walk."

"You do that and then be ready to celebrate tonight," she warned.

I gave her an astonished look. "Why can't you just ground me like a normal parent?"

"Well, what kind of a normal teenager reacts like this on getting a car?" she challenged.

I tried to keep my expression composed as she escorted me to the porch where surely a brand new silver car was parked behind hers.

I face-palmed and groaned. "Why?" I debriefed miserably.

"Because I can't drive you around your whole life and besides, you'll be going to college soon," she explained.

Since I really didn't have any time left to argue, I got in the stupid vehicle and started the engine. It wasn't just that I hated cars, which I did; it was that I was actually a really lousy driver. I was more than sure that the only reason that I had passed my driving test, after four attempts, was because the instructor knew I was just going to be showing up again and again.

When I reversed the car, only missing the mailbox by an inch, I accidentally pressed the accelerator so hard, it almost hit a nearby tree before I slammed my foot on the brake. Looking through the window, I saw my mom rolling her eyes at me. "Your fault," I reminded her as I pulled out.

I made it to school without actually ending anyone's life, although I did see an old lady on the side-walk throw me a particularly nasty look. I honestly didn't know just how worse this day was going to get, but knowing my mom, anything could happen so I decided to take measures of my own.

I caught Gon near the entrance, struggling with the collar of his shirt.

"Go out with me," I said as soon as I reached him.

He looked up at me with wide-eyes, suddenly turning very pink. "What?"

"Fuck, sorry," I breathed as soon as I realised just what I had said. "I—I mean, hang out with me, like go somewhere—that would be out—with me?" I clarified.

He blinked. "Oh—okay." he said still confused.

"I'll pick you up at uh—nine," I said pensively.

"Yeah—okay," he agreed nervously, the colour still hadn't completely left his cheeks.

"Thanks, you're a life-saver." I walked away towards history class.

Whatever I was expecting or hoping, Killua wasn't there. He wasn't even in philosophy class, he wasn't even in calculus, he wasn't in history— he wasn't anywhere. I didn't dare ask Gon about him at lunch, after all, I had to have some dignity.

So, the rest of the day and the way home went by as slowly as possible. It was after about seven in the evening that I retreated to my room after my mom had started dropping hints like 'birthdays only come once a year' or 'you only turn eighteen once.'

I busied myself with a book until the time was appropriate enough for my exit. It was actually no use since my mind seemed to be diverting thoughts to other matters. I couldn't tell how sudden it was, but I clearly heard a knock on my window.

I jerked my head up faster than I could blink but only to be disappointed since no one was there. I got up and slid open the window pane, looking on each side like a delusional idiot before shutting it.

I didn't like how tight my throat was getting all of a sudden. There was one thing I couldn't stand right now and that was being in this room. I rushed down and got out before anyone had the chance to ask me where I was going. I shut the door behind me and leaned against it for a moment to catch my breath.

I almost decided to go back inside when I saw the silver-haired figure standing at my side.

I gasped really loudly as I was caught off guard. "You came," I whispered, closing my eyes as I bit my lip. "I—Killua." It was horrifying because it felt like if I said just one wrong word, he'd leave. "I love you," I confessed breathlessly, my heart pounding furiously.

It was after several seconds of silence that I opened my eyes only to see the deserted street before me. For one moment I refused to believe that I had hallucinated him, it just wasn't possible.

I didn't feel any tears pricking my eyes this time but there was an unmistakable pain in my chest, for a brief period I just slid down and sat in front of the door. It was so dark, I felt like the World was closing in on me, like it was a huge glass dome and everything was just so pathetic.

Not exactly knowing what to do and struggling as hard as I could not to cry, which I swore I wasn't going to do again, I got in my car and drove away not completely sure where I was headed. I was stuck between a state where I couldn't believe I had rendered myself so desperate as to actually hallucinate him and realizing just how I really didn't have much of a life outside of him.

Somewhere right in the middle of these thoughts, when I had barely driven past the second street, I hit a car. I actually hit a car. It wasn't like a real huge collision, but it was enough to nearly give me a heart attack.

I wasn't really sure how or why it had happened, but not a second later the other driver had gotten out of his car and was at my window. With my hands trembling like crazy, I lowered my window glass.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" asked the spiky-haired man with glasses that were perched on the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sorry," I said breathlessly. "I wasn't—"

"You're sorry?" he asked furiously. "Does sorry cover you nearly blowing us up and sending everyone off to hell?"

I stared at him speechlessly. "Well, I—"

"Do you even have a license? You know you can be arrested for under-age driving no matter how smart you think you are?"

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes, trying to control my temper. It was my fault after all. "I'm legal," I said in a composed voice. "And I'm sorry," I repeated glaring at him.

He glared back. "You should learn how to drive," he muttered as he turned to walk away after adding: "Girls think they know how a car works."

That was it. I opened the door and got out before being aware of doing so. "Oh, so you're saying I shouldn't be driving because I'm a girl?" I challenged.

He faced me again. "I'm saying you shouldn't be driving, period," he retorted. "Especially when you look and drive like you're thirteen."

I gaped at him. "I look—? Okay, maybe if you weren't driving like the idiotic old man that you are then this wouldn't have happened in the first place, maybe they should put a ban on over-age driving which in your case would really be a thing!" I bellowed.

"What the hell did you just call me?" he asked outraged as he moved closer to me.

"I think you heard nice and clear; you wouldn't dare hit a girl, now would you?" I shot back as I took a step towards him. I honestly had no idea what I was getting myself into but at the moment my rage was completely taking over.

"You little—" he began as his fingers grabbed my arm but in an instant, his hold was broken by the grasp of another figure standing between us.

"Old man, drop it," ordered Killua in a dull voice as I looked at him with my mouth open.

The man gazed at him in a way that made me realize that they knew each other and just one look at the car I had hit—Killua's car—sort of explained the situation to me.

"She—" the man struggled with world. "This—"

"I said, drop it." Killua's tone was so calm, it scared me.

In the matter of seconds I felt a surge of embarrassment that I had never felt before in my life as I watched the anonymous man sigh and walk away followed by Killua. After seeing them drive away another horrifying thought crossed my mind. Was that Killua's father?

For heaven's sake, no. I battled with my thoughts as I climbed back into the driver's seat and took a breath. He couldn't be, because for one thing he didn't look anything like him and for another, hadn't Killua told me once that he had gotten his hair-colour from his father? Maybe he was Killua's guardian— did he have a guardian?

Shortly after getting over that dilemma, another wave of humiliation hit me very deep. I wondered, as I started the car again, that between hitting a locker door in Naomi's face, nearly lunging at Nora, almost literally fighting with his supposed guardian and punching him, what would Killua be thinking of me?

Killua's P.O.V:-

My foot was practically glued to the accelerator as I rushed the car forward in frustration and right now, maintaining control appeared to be the real struggle as I was constantly refraining myself from snapping the steering wheel into two.

"Did you see the way she was talking to me?" fumed the old-man from the passenger seat. "I would've given her the lesson she deserved."

My jaw clenched and I could feel Gon studying my reaction in my peripheral vision.

"Leorio, calm down," he pleaded from the backseat. "I think it's best to just let it go—"

"I swear if Killua didn't stop me that little bitch would've—"

"Shut up!" I seethed through my gritted teeth before making a conscious decision to speak.

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "What the hell is your problem?" he asked in a curious voice. "You've been acting weird since that girl—" he paused and gasped as if some sacred knowledge had dawned upon him. "Don't tell me that was the girl from the phone call!"

I pretended not to have heard him as I turned up the volume of the stereo.

"I can see why you like her," he commented loudly with a smirk in his voice. "You both have the same shitty attitude malfunction."

My eyes widened and I couldn't hold back the snort that escaped me.

He shut off the music and I could hear Gon's maffled laughter. "She's got quite the temper, huh?" he mused, his gaze intently on me. "Now that I think about it, she does have the looks," he ventured.

I shrugged and tried to appear uninterested.

"Did they break-up or something?" he poked Gon, his eyes still fixed on me.

I passed a hand through my hair, struggling to maintain my composure.

"It's— complicated," Gon phrased as he drew back.

The old man huffed. "What related to Killua isn't?"

The quietude that followed dragged to my mind thoughts I desperately wanted to stay away from. I stopped at the red light and turned back to quickly glance at Gon, who was staring vacantly out the glass.

"Speaking of complicated," he resumed. "I heard some strange rumours about Ging at the auction, you know."

"What kind of rumours?" I demanded alerted.

He straightened the lapels of his coat before looking up again. "Well, first off, did you know he has a bounty on him?"

My head jerked in his direction immediately. "WHAT?" Gon and I asked in unison.

"Yeah," he replied hesitantly. "And it's a pretty hefty one too."

"What do you mean?" Gon's voice was radiating with forced control. "He's a double star hunter, why would he have a reward on his head? He's not—"

"Was," Leorio corrected. "Apparently his licence was cancelled a few years ago, that's why there's no information regarding him in the hunter database; it's all been erased."

"This doesn't make any sense." I threw a glance at the traffic light as I strained to keep myself from staring back to study Gon's reaction.

"What's he accused of?" He asked quietly.

"No idea, but it does make his sudden disappearance from the election more understandable."

I could practically feel the tension radiating from Gon spread in the atmosphere. "He withdrew—"

"Gon," I addressed, rushing the car forward. "Of course that's what the news would label it as. They must have wanted to keep it all on a low profile for some reason." My tone was indecisive as I spoke because suddenly there was something in my periphery that was hovering at the edge, some vital piece of information that I knew but couldn't seem to retrace.

"Something must've happened—" he broke off mid sentence and shifted to a side, unable to speak further.

That was when it clicked. "During the election," I recalled. "Another member of the Zodiacs withdrew all of a sudden as well, and they were in the winning streaks."

The tense air turned into a crushing weight that seemed to bend everyone down for a moment.

"What else did you find out?" I debriefed, the vehicle seemed to be slipping out of my command.

He sighed. "Uh—well," he commenced gradually. "About two years back, a member of the JCI caught Ging."

"WHAT?" Gon and I roared in disbelief and the wheels screeched piercingly as I removed my foot from the pedal.

"I'm explaining!" he bellowed, snatching his seat belt so tightly it seemed moments away from snapping. "Just don't crash the car for fuck's sake! Park somewhere before you get us all killed!" he pleaded.

I obeyed and pulled over at the nearest slot. My sight fixed on him as soon as everything went still. I didn't have too look over to see that Gon was in the same state.

"He escaped," he breathed as grasped the seat for support. "They barely managed to hold him in for a day. He just vanished and that is the last anyone's heard of him."

"Who was the man who caught him?" I asked as I confirmation, I was already expecting the next words that would come out of his mouth.

"Kiyeshi Isawa," he revealed. "It's no use though, that man left the organization soon after the whole Ging scandal."

"That's the man we're tailing," Gon informed in a confused tone. "We were told he knew Ging."

"I don't know. Whoever tipped you off on that must have handed over clipped information or maybe this is all a huge bluff."

I stared at the old man for a few moments. "Why are you telling us all of this eight months after the auction?" I questioned murderously.

He grimaced. "I didn't believe any of this!" he justified raising his hands. "It was just a bunch of drunk mafia trolls blabbering around—I didn't want to lead you on into another dead end."

"This is a dead end," Gon whispered coldly. "Whatever path we take shifts shape and whenever we're close, the rules change."

"Actually," I interrupted. "This is more of a confirmation, it's the most solid information we've received so far. There is a reason two Zodiac members disappeared during the election and it's definitely something big that's why it's all being kept in the shadows; that makes it two strikes for where we've heard of Isawa's involvement which just proves it even further that he has a direct connection with Ging. There's always the possibility that this might be a false track but it's better than nothing."

"We're trying to trace back something from four years ago? The elections, are you serious Killua?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, because now would be the perfect time for a pun, right?"

He rolled his eyes.

"It's actually stupid how we didn't even consider that before. The last place we had a real hint of Ging's appearance was at the elections; we weren't there but we could've investigated a big further. Prying around from people wasn't easy or cheap," I reminded.

"So, another wild-goose chase?" Gon asked as I saw the hint of a smirk on his face.

"I'm in if you're in," I proposed.

"A month and a half," he declared.

"What?"

"After the finals—and don't be a jerk," he quickly added. "It'll give us more time to dig around and wherever we have to go, we'll go right after graduation."

I scowled at him. I knew a bit too well why he was constantly delaying everything.

"I'm still here," the ancient man announced, fixing his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "Anyway, don't we have more important matters to discuss?"

"Like what?" I demanded cautiously.

"Are you dating that girl or what?" he probed with curious eyes.

I face-palmed and gave the middle finger to Gon who was grinning in the backseat. "Shut up."

Claire's P.O.V:-

"Thanks for—I mean being here," I mumbled as Gon and I were seated in my car, parked in front of the mall, eating nachos with the stereo on.

"I like it," he assured as he carefully positioned the dip on the dashboard. "You have good music and you can eat." He shrugged.

I laughed even though I wasn't really sure what he meant by the last part.

"Happy birthday," he said handing me what I recognized as an album of one of my favourite bands.

I looked between him and the object in his hand. "You knew it was my birthday?" I asked surprised.

"Well, apparently, since I just said 'happy birthday'?" he said jokingly.

"You didn't have to get me anything," I said as he put in the new cd in the player.

"Which song?" he asked ignoring me. "Y-you're —not going to cry, are you?" his tone was horrified after seeing the emotional look on my face.

"No—no," I convinced as I took off my seat belt and put my arms around him. "Thanks, I know this sounds cheesy, but you're my only friend right now. Thank you—thank you—thanks."

He held me tighter and I became aware of how he smelled like the forest, I wasn't sure why it seemed to me like that.

It was after a while that I pulled back as a question ran through my mind. "Do you have a guardian?" I debriefed trying to act casual.

"What?" he asked confused.

I cleared my throat. "I mean uh—let me describe a guy and you tell me if you know him, okay?" I attempted.

He gazed at me with an amused expression.

"Black hair, dark eyes, weird small glasses, tall—in need of a shave?" I added, carefully studying his reaction.

He raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Leorio?"

"Le—he's not—who is he?" I stuttered.

Gon studied my face. "A friend, why?" I didn't know why the hint of a smile was on his face. Killua couldn't have told him, could he?

"No reason," I said stuffing a handful of nachos in my mouth.

The way he bit his lip and turned away had me convinced that he knew. "I was in the backseat," he informed after a while.

My face suddenly felt very very hot. So, he had seen my little display of maturity. I grabbed my drink and started sipping on it a bit too enthusiastically before facing him again as a horrifying thought occurred to me. "You're not leaving, are you?" I demanded breathlessly.

He blinked. "No—not yet."

I immediately pushed the bitter assumptions that threw themselves at me after his words at a deep end of my mind. The last thing my deranged brain needed was a dose of anxiety over something that hadn't even happened yet. I swore to myself I wouldn't ask him for a deadline. "Okay." I simply let the meaningless word float out there.

There was a comfortable silence in which we just ate and listened to a song about deception and insecurity. "Gon?" I mentioned after a while.

"Yeah?"

I turned to look at him. "You're pretty, you're nice; why don't you date?" I demanded.

His cheeks acquired a slightly pinkish hue. "Uh—I—"

"Don't tell me no one's ever asked you out because I see the way girls look at you," I warned.

He scratched his head. "I've been on dates," he confessed.

"You're waiting for the one?" I interrogated.

He sniggered awkwardly. "No—it's just that well, Killua and I have never really settled anywhere. We're always moving from one place to another and in such circumstances it didn't make sense for me to just—you know," he mumbled.

"Have you ever been in love?" I drilled on like a mole.

He met my eyes. "I don't think so," he said honestly. "I mean, I'm not really sure how it's supposed to feel."

I leaned my head back against the seat. "You know, increased heart-beat, you sweat like a pig, about to barf, losing control of your body and repeatedly doing stupid things and humiliating yourself?"

He gave me a funny look. "Okay? I'm confused between nausea and anal leakage but okay," he remarked, raising an eyebrow.

I couldn't recognise the laugh that escaped me at his words.

He chuckled silently and in the background, another sad track started playing.

I was chewing on my straw when he asked me something that startled me.

"Do you love him?"

I kept staring at him, lacking the strength to look away. "What?"

"Killua, do you love him?" he asked lowly.

"I—I—" I stammered feeling my throat get tighter. "It doesn't matter." I exhaled. "It's no use because he hates me and—I wish I hadn't done what I did. I let him down," I whispered as I felt my voice break.

"Killua doesn't hate you," he said in quiet voice.

I didn't know whether it was just his words or the song messing with my head, but I felt the lump in my throat before the tears. "He does, he—" I struggled with words.

"Claire." Gon sighed as he shifted his legs. "Killua doesn't hate you," he repeated.

I wanted to tell him to stop saying that, but I couldn't seem to find my voice.

"Do you know why he's staying away from you?" he debriefed after another moment of quietude.

"Because I fucked up," I muttered, utterly hating myself. "Because I'm selfish."

He shook his head and gave me a sad smile. "I realised it the moment you told me he didn't say anything to you that night in the surveillance room."

"What?" I looked at him intently, unable to comprehend what he was saying.

He sighed. "Why did Keitomaro try to kill you?" he asked with ease.

"What does—" I stopped mid-syllable and just gaped at him as I understood what he meant. "No." I refused to believe what he was saying.

"He's staying away from you because he thinks it's dangerous for you to be around him."

"That doesn't make any sense," I retorted as I started fidgeting with the bracelet on my wrist.

"Claire, he's a former assassin, do you know just how many people are after him, one reason or another?"

"I don't believe you," I stated staring at my wrist. "If he seriously would think that some great noble reason for my—" I broke off again as I caught sight of the glinting figures on my bracelet. Where there hung two charms, now there were three. A crescent moon was now placed between the silver snowflake and the initial of his name.

That was when I held my head in my hands and cried because I felt consumed and weak. I hated that Gon was right. Somewhere deep within, I always knew that Killua would forgive me one way or another but I also knew him well enough to tell that once he had made up his mind on something, it would be as hard as hell to convince him otherwise and when it came to me, I knew we weren't going anywhere.

It was an extremely frosty morning when I sat on the deserted bleachers with a book. I took off the silver bracelet and held it so that the feeble sun rays fell on it just enough to make it glow. Solitude was the only thing I seemed to be settling in comfortably these days.

"If you're looking for the most stubborn and obstinate person in the whole world, that's Killua for you. Sometimes he doesn't make sense, other times he's the biggest jerk on the planet and still other times he tries his best to pretend like he doesn't care. He has flawless determination, perfect scheming and possibly every other good skill to keep him on his track but there's always one huge hole in his master plan: he forgets that he's human and ultimately whether he likes or not, whether he admits it or not; he cares. And as his best friend, I can honestly tell you that most of the time he's clashing with himself."

I sighed as I stared off at the empty football field remembering a time that seemed like ages ago when he was right here next to me. I tried to fasten the wristlet but instead, I pressed too hard on the seal and sent it flying until it fell on the edge of the metallic bars.

I groaned as I put the novel down on a seat and attempted to retrieve it. It was no use, the tip of my finger barely touched it. I took in a deep breath as I gripped the edge of a seat and threw my leg over the other side, holding tight to one of the bars.

I bit the inside of my cheek as I reached for it again, one wrong move and I knew I would definitely be falling from a good twenty feet. Just a bit more, I chanted in my head.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked an angry voice.

I got startled and lost my hold on the bar and almost slipped down until two arms grasped me firmly. I sensed his cold hands, trying not acknowledge too much exactly where they were as he pulled me back up.

There he was, with his messy silver hair and a breath taking glare.

Maybe my mind was too far off gone now. I wasn't sure whether you could perceive hallucinations actually touch you, but I certainly wasn't going to torture my brain anymore. I shifted my position again and was trying to repeat the previous feat when he grabbed my arm and jerked me back.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked exasperated.

I blinked and then narrowed my eyes, before extending my palm to touch his face.

He froze and didn't move until I removed my hand.

"You're real," I whispered as I realized just what an idiot I must be seeming.

"What?" he asked disoriented. "You seriously think you're accomplishing something with these stupid actions?"

I looked at him, still unable to believe he was talking to me. "What—I wasn't about to jump," I assured as I understood what he implied.

"Really?" he demanded in a calm voice. "Then what exactly are you doing?" He raised an eyebrow in challenge like he knew I was lying.

"I'm trying to get my bracelet back?" I answered simply, pointing towards it.

He looked behind and spotted the wristlet. Before I could comprehend just what he was upto, he walked to the higher seat and extended his arm, easily grasping the object around his finger.

I kept gazing at him as he walked back to me and handed me the bracelet.

"You should stop living in the past," he suggested as he put his hands in his pockets.

"As of that, right now, his fight is with himself. There is a right thing to do and a wrong thing to do but lastly there's what Killua does and I can swear to God his mind works in the most unusual way. Answer back when he tries to defeat you with words, he won't be aware of it, but he'll be letting you in very slowly and very deeply."

I bit my lip and met his eyes. "Then maybe you should stop reviving it," I replied. "Stop showing up when I need you."

He looked at me so intently, it seemed like he could read my mind through my eyes. "Soon enough," he assured. "I'll be gone soon enough."

I swallowed hard. "You do that." I nodded and saw how his eyes hardened. "And I swear I'll jump off for real this time," I blurted out.

His gaze darkened. "You do that," he repeated my words stressing menacingly on the last one. "And you'll get to see just what I do to you afterwards," he warned as he came closer. "There are things worse than death, Claire."

I held my head up and didn't break my stare. "Are you threatening me?"

"I am," he clarified.

"I'm not afraid of you Killua," I stated.

"You should be. I think you're forgetting just what I'm capable of." It was then that I saw his hand. He held it up extremely close to me and I saw the veined claws that had replaced his hand.

I couldn't deny the speed with which my heart started beating. "I'm not afraid of you," I said again.

"Then why are you trembling?" he debriefed standing an inch away from me and curling his fingers.

I took a deep breath. I knew what he was trying to do. "It's cold," I murmured as I took his fist and kissed it lightly before letting go.

His eyes widened and he looked at me vacantly. "Don't," he breathed after a moment.

I shook my head as I tried to put on the silver chain again. "But I will," I confirmed.

I heard an audible sigh after which he took my hand and lifted it enough to swiftly fasten the bracelet around it. He gave me one last look, like he was taking in every detail of me because this was the last time he would ever do so, and then he turned away walking towards the ground.

"So, just go with the flow. Let him go insane with his thoughts but eventually, I promise you, he'll come around when you least expect him to."

Loneliness may not be fatal and solitude may not be a curse,

but disregard doubtlessly is and surely there is nothing worse.