Chapter 33:

"Fortnight."

"Happy anniversary gorgeous," announced Killua, as he placed a short but meaningful kiss on the back of my hand.

The setting was right, just as beautiful as the moment deserved. I had never consented frequenting a fancy eatery before, and just as this once I made an exception, Killua took the opportunity to go all out.

The bougie but intimate place was strewn with romantic lighting, an ambiance that wasn't demanding, and the table right at the corner of the spacious room afforded us the privacy that I so desperately needed to get through a novelty like this.

Despite the excellent, handpicked to perfection, arrangement for the evening, the delicious food, and the brilliant smile that overtook Killua's beautiful face, I had to admit— my heart wasn't in any of it.

It wasn't that this wasn't my usual scene, the change in pace was actually quite nice. It wasn't that I didn't love the beautiful boy sitting in front of me, because I loved him so much it felt overwhelming to hold it in my body sometimes. It wasn't even that my mind was elsewhere, Killua kind of commanded one's attention without trying and it was impossible not to remain fixated.

No, it was that for the last couple of weeks things had been beyond unsettling. Not only had my nightmares decided to make frequent reappearances, but every day that I carried the weight of the things I was concealing from Killua ate away at me. I lived in a constant fear of losing what we had and it kept me from really being present in the first place.

But my checking into out relationship wouldn't have done much good currently anyway. For the past two weeks, Killua and Gon had been so immersed in training with Bisky, I swear I felt like it had been forever since I'd gotten a proper look at his face. Now that I did, I could see he looked worn. I sighed, wishing I was good enough with words to express how much I missed him despite being in a ten-meter proximity to him most of the time.

After countless hours of demanding training, the only kind of sights I'd been seeing were those of him passed out in random places around the apartment. If he ever made it to the bed, a sudden and violent dip in the mattress at questionable hours of the night was my only indication in the matter.

The only positive side to this was that he didn't have to share the misery of my nightmares and the labored breaths and showers of sweat that followed. Counting on him to not pick up on anything strange from any of it was a long shot.

A little later, when we were in his car sharing a pastry and he wiped the remnants of cream off the corner of my mouth, I tried to gradually eliminate the distance between our mouths. Killua immediately withdrew, and instead moved to pat the top of my head several times.

I blinked, shocked and a little embarrassed. It hadn't gone past me that he had barely touched me in the last fortnight. Since I was too shy to initiate or even ask, we had been going through a dry spell of sorts. Him kissing the back of my hand earlier this evening was the most action I had gotten in a while. Regardless, he hadn't been this outright repulsive about it until right this instant.

I assumed it was because things weren't in the best of places with us. I had gone too far and rocked the boat by picking major and unreasonable fights days in a row, and he needed time to get over all of it. I respected that, and was patient with it. However, I never assumed he'd punish me this way.

Killua grimaced, realizing he'd hurt my feelings. "Uh, sorry."

"If this is your way of getting even, I have to say it's a little extreme."

He sighed, probably relieved that tears didn't start pooling in my eyes. "I'm not that petty," he reassured, still looking pained, like the conversation was going in a direction he would have preferred to avoid.

"Then what is this? Do you not find me attractive anymore?" I asked, impressing myself with the bravery of my directedness. Even though I wasn't sure I could digest an answer that was in the affirmative.

He whipped his head in my direction; he was that infuriated by my implication. "I can't believe you're even asking me that," he stated simply in an even tone, but his eyes were mad.

"Then? Have you devoted your life to religion? It's not like I don't see how you avoid my touch like I'm carrying the plague."

He scratched the back of his head, clearly uncomfortable. "Look, I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make a big deal out of it and have it hover over both of our heads—but… I can't have sex."

I regarded him silently, letting him finish before I said something about this absurdity.

"It's the training, I have to conserve my strength," he explained, looking into my eyes to assess my anger situation, I presumed.

"So Bisky said you can't have sex?"

"In so many words…" he revealed, "…one gets the implication."

"What else aren't you allowed to do?"

"Any hard exercise, any strong emotional responses, using my nen outside of training… that kind of stuff."

"And you thought not telling me was a great idea why?"

"I didn't want to make a big deal out of it," he confessed, "look, we're having this conversation now, and now it's going to really get into both of our heads."

I took that in as he continued. "Also, on the premise of not beating around the bush, you know things are already semi-weird between us, I didn't want to pile on more with the 'no sex' talk," he explained, making air quotes with his fingers.

"Okay, but for how long?" I asked with secret dread. I knew that if he hadn't already injected a timeline while providing me with this information, prospects didn't look too good.

"Can't say, it's really just up to our progress with training. Unfortunately, I can't even provide some sort of time bracket." For Killua to admit that he didn't know something was hard, so did feel a bit for the guy. Afterall, this sex fast must have been just as tough for him, if not more.

Great, I thought. Really talking to or touching my boyfriend was out of the question for who knows how long. I wasn't sure there was any other way around our friction at the moment. While we did butt heads occasionally, physically we had never had any problems whatsoever. This sucked hard.

"So you brought me to this date to tell me that our physical relationship is on halt for the foreseeable future? And they say romance is dead."

That got a small smile out of him.

"I still don't understand why you're refusing to kiss me or touch me at all."

He looked at me like he couldn't believe I was that dumb. "Claire, all of that builds up very fast with us. You do know I'm insanely attracted to you?"

"Really?"

"Do I have to get you a card? We've been humping like bunnies for the past month."

"You're gross," I said through gritted teeth, always surprised at how quickly he transitioned into an asshole.

"Just stating facts babe," he announced smugly, crossing his arms behind his head. "Abstention is the only way I can even think of getting through this, training's a bitch."

"Well, at least you're not going through it alone. It must be hard for Gon too," I reassured, wanting very badly to hold his band.

"Oh, that virgin's fine."

"You're disgusting Killua."

"Not disgusting enough apparently, seeing as I'm sure you'd give anything to get into my pants right now," he retorted smugly, moving his arms to now cross them around his chest.

"Uh, remind me again, when you say we can't do anything physical, me smacking you in the face doesn't fall in the realm, right?"

"That very much does count, you have no idea how much it turns me on."

"You're a creep," I muttered, pursing my lips in an effort to not smile.

"A creep you want to bang. Say it like it is baby."

"Would you stop? Actually, you know what? Keep going. This is making the whole no-sex thing really easy," I admitted, unable to keep the laugh out of my voice.

The teasing way in which he was regarding me became a little too intense when we both looked at each other for a few silent seconds. Since what would inevitably be the follow-up was out of question, he had the car started and speeding in a matter of a minute.

I contemplated over how absolutely lonely I felt while chewing the straw of my drink. With Killua and Gon indefinitely occupied, the multi-dimensional funk Killua and I were confined to for who knows how long, and my family thousands of miles away, I felt absolutely awful.

These were the kind of moments when one seriously contemplated their life choices. Like my inability or lack of affinity for forming good female friendships. Or the fact that my estranged brother was my closest acquittance at the moment.

"Where did you go when you left?" I asked Luca, progressing to take a long sip of the iced tea in front of me.

We were on the rooftop of a really tall building. But then again, almost every building in York New City qualified as tall at the bare minimum. With both of our legs dangling at the edges of the boundaries we were sitting on, it was easy to pretend we were still children of seven and ten.

Luca's promise of frequent meeting, honesty, and a genuine effort to repair our relationship had proven wholehearted so far. We had linked two times after our last meeting as of yet.

He took my question in while silently sipping his coffee. "I just left, I had no destination in mind whatsoever other than to run away from that place. I think you can understand."

There was nothing to say to that, of course, I understood. We were probably the only two people alive who could relate to one another on that aspect of our lives. " So you just roamed around for a decade?"

"I roamed around for a bit, yes, trying to gather myself. But nothing really fell into place until…" His voice had turned into almost a whisper at the end of his incomplete sentence. I guess Luca forgot how bad I was with anticipation, but the impatient look on my face was probably enough to remind him.

"Until I met my master," he said, with a reverence in his voice that took me aback.

"Your master? Luca, are you part of a cult or something?" I asked, concerned. It wasn't just an attempt at humor either; I could totally see my older brother as the type to fall for that kind of thing.

He rolled his eyes at that. "No, my mentor," he explained, "everything I am, everything I can do, I owe to him."

I let his words marinate in my mind for a second. "Like that nen thing?" Killua's brief take on the matter was what equipped me to ask the right question here.

Luca's eyebrows arched at that. "You know about nen?"

"I've… become acquainted with the concept," I confessed honestly, feeling like a loser on account of how very little I knew about that world.

"Through your boyfriend," he decoded with a nod, "he had a very strong aura."

"Yeah, you lost me there Luca."

He just smiled at that, holding his hand out to take the empty disposable cup from me. After disposing it off along with his, he came back to resume the conversation. This time he stood behind the boundaries, his elbows resting on it, and his chin on his palms.

"Yes… to the nen thing. But, my master also taught me a lot more. I'm simply indebted to him for the rest of my life."

There was a silence that followed in which both of us just stared at the minute-looking cars passing below. The focal point was a roundabout where they all came into sync before dispersing along different routes. "Do you remember how Katie used to make a ring of pebbles around every tree trunk?" he asked out of nowhere; the blend of calmness and fondness in his voice surprised me.

I turned to look at him, I could only imagine what my face looked like in that moment. But there in my stunned state, I realized that I did remember. That surprised me beyond belief. "Yes," I whispered. Feeling a strange mix between sadness and some kind of joy. It never occurred to me how many happy memories I had of Katie, that I had just buried deep under because of my guilt and fears.

"And how she'd always ask to braid and put flowers in your hair," I recalled, bursting out laughing before I could even help it.

Luca couldn't resist joining it. "And the mess of petals and ties she'd leave behind after it." What he forgot to add was that this happened very frequently, because he never said no to her. I suspected he simply couldn't say no to her. I forgot how good he was to her.

"Oh, and how Ingrid was pissed off whenever she walked in on that chaos," I injected, not caring for one moment that these recollections and these names usually caused a knot the size of my fist in my throat.

"Don't ever make trouble for anyone!" We both enacted unexpectedly in unison, and proceeded to burst into laughter after it.

"With the classic precedent of course, 'your father wants you to drill this through your heads…'" I reminded, receiving an agreement in the form of a nod from him.

"Father my ass," I continued, not sure where this audacity was stemming from. I mean, these were things I didn't even give myself permission to think of, much less speak, even in my own company. And now, here I was dissecting them with my brother for no reason or compulsion at all. "Did we even have a father? I swear I heard more of the guy than I saw him… or saw his back would be more accurate."

He cleared his throat before adding to my statement. "We actually did, and I've unearthed a lot about him. But I don't think that's a conversation you're ready for right now."

Truth was, I was sure that was a conversation I would never be ready for, but I still asked, "Why?"

Luca looked uncomfortable, probably figuring out the right words to handle the sensitivity of the matter. "It's… a lot."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that, so I settled for the first thing that came to my head. "I saw Ingrid at the auction house that day."

"I know," he revealed, not even a bit fazed.

"Why were you there that day?" I interrogated, too late to put two and two together as always.

"Claire, I promised to be honest but I really can't into the details of that. But long story short, yes, I was there for her."

"Why can't you tell me more about it?" I pressed, beginning to feel a twinge of irritation.

"Because it's not my story to tell." When he said that and the way he looked saying it made me realize he was right about the learning and growth part. He looked so mature for his age, like he stood there with way more on his shoulders than a twenty-one year-old ever should.

I was confused, but sane enough to know that even if I got anything out of it, my quota for bravery for the day was over.

"Claire, I have to tell you something," he said, suddenly sounding flustered. "I—"

Right then my cell phone started ringing furiously. "I have to take this, it's work," I informed him before turning around to jump off the boundary. Unfortunately Luca and I's conversation was cut short because I had to go in the office for a couple of hours. His last sentence remaining unfinished for the time being.

When I got home that evening, I saw a glimpse of Killua heading out of the kitchen with a bottle of water in hand. He gave me a half-smile as acknowledgement, but for some reason that did more damage than good to my heart.

It was suffocating how despite being just a few steps away from me, I felt the distance between us stretching on miles and miles to no end. He was so unreachable at the moment that it hurt. Our conversations were preliminary at best as no heavy topics could be broached.

"Good day at work?" he asked, lending proof to my train of thought.

"Yeah, it was fine," I mumbled, and found myself following him. Him, Gon, and Bisky had created a bit of a training setup in the living room. They had emptied the space out, pushing the furniture to the edges.

Bisky sat on a chair at one end, flipping through a magazine with a particularly inappropriate cover. Gon was lying on the floor with a heavy sheen of sweat matting his entire forehead. Killua entered the scene and just sat down cross-legged next to Gon, throwing him the water bottle side-ways, which Gon caught immediately with his eyes still closed.

I blinked, still wondering what kind of freakish world I had gotten myself entangled into by getting involved with Killua. "Have you guys eaten? I brought food." I lifted up the bag of takeout containers I was carrying in my hand.

Gon's eyes had opened and morphed into giant stars at the mention of food.

"Ahh, yes, starving," Bisky said, slapping her leisure-read close.

"Yes, I can imagine why," Killua muttered with a deadpan look at her.

While we all ate around the kitchen counter, Bisky turned her attention to me. " So, Claire tell me, is Killua being good to you?" She asked that like she was fully ready to beat his ass if my answer implied need.

Killua rolled his eyes at that, but turned at me, curious at my answer. "Well," I began, weighing my options, but ultimately unable to resist grilling my boyfriend. "I get the occasional edible meal from him, and he hasn't killed me yet, or put me up for adoption, so, I guess…" I ended with a defeated shrug to really bring life to my performance.

Gon really enjoyed that, and wasn't shy about showing it either. The bits of food clearly on display in his mouth were more than proof of that.

Killua was looking at him with a fake disgusted expression, while Bisky tsked away, seconding my drama.

"Hey, I'm good to her," Killua shot back at his dismissive audience. "I just took her out for a fancy anniversary date."

"Anniversary?" Bisky repeated, surprised. "I had no idea you guys had been together that long."

"That timeline's actually up for debate," I informed, ignoring Killua's head-shaking. I then proceeded to tell her about the way our dating and breaking up patterns went. "So, we really only have been really together for half a year maybe?" I estimated, trying to count in the back of my mind.

"Oh wow, and I thought I hated math before," Killua countered, flitting his hand in annoyance.

"But what about the months in-between when you guys were in your are they or aren't they era?" Gon interjected, making air quotations with his fingers.

"You need to stop watching chick flicks," Killua said, smacking the back of his head. "We were basically together, that's it."

"If basically means not, then sure," I contributed, ignoring his gaze and focusing on my food.

"Agree to disagree," he eventually offered, in a semblance of peace.

"No way, we were not together then, nu-uh," I refuted, shaking my finger at him.

"There's an easy way to settle this," Bisky revealed, looking incredibly interested in the whole thing. "Were you guys with other people in that time?"

"No," Killua and I answer in sync. I looked at him, secretly grateful that he didn't bring up that one little Caden incident.

"Were you intimate with each other then?" She asked, knowingly.

A violent blush crept up of my face, while Killua said, "you're quite the creep aren't you?"

This earned him a fist right on his face, and sent him flying out of his seat. He resumed his position in silence after a minute, a prominent pink mark right between his eyebrows. I was beyond getting agitated by these interactions, seeing as these people were essentially freaks. But I was still grateful the way Killua took one for the team.

I wanted to hold his hand to make my appreciation known, but held back because apparently his penis would get in its feels by that.

"Anyway," Bisky's monologue continued uninterrupted, as if accidentally turning Killua into a human missile was just part of any other Tuesday, "the answer is simple." A moment of silence, which painfully deserved a drum roll, unfolded itself. "Whatever Claire says is right."

"Seconded," Gon added, stuffing more food in his face.

"Thank you," I appreciated, turning to Killua. "Why can't you be more like that?"

That got an eyebrow raise out of him. "I'm so glad the golden virgin club was recruited to weigh in on my relationship." The possessive way he said 'my' did something to my heart, and other places.

"Huh, you stupid boy," Bisky shot back, unamused. " Just because I prefer a good gossip rag over a dusty training manual doesn't mean this little lady hasn't picked up a few tricks in her travels. Let's just say some men would kill for a glimpse of the woman I used to be... and some still do!"

I literally started choking on my food at that.

"Right, because that's what I need to picture while I'm training. Grandma Bisky's wild dating life," Killua retorted, while he patted my back and then helped me down an entire glass of water. "Also, your relationship wisdom won't do me much good at all if you end up killing my girlfriend with accounts of your pervy legacy."

"Don't try to one-up your master then, next time," she bested him with a cocky smirk.

Killua shuddered, he had been taught by Bisky in more ways than one today.

I knocked on Killua's door a little later, and realized I had caught him just as he was done with a shower when he answered.

"I can't find my toothbrush, is it in your bathroom?"

"I don't think so," he said as he towel-dried his hair, but moved to a side to allow me in. "But feel free to check."

I did as I was told, but came out with no leads. "It's not here," I confirmed, coming out to stand next to his bathroom's door frame.

"Use mine then," he suggested casually while grabbing a shirt out of his wardrobe.

"Really?" I asked, surprised. "Is that okay?"

He raised an eyebrow and turned to look at me on registering my tone. "Considering how many other things of mine have found their way into your mouth, you draw the line at toothbrush?"

I pursed my lips, silently trying to fight the wave of heat that was threatening to creep up on my face. "Right."

I had just started brushing my teeth, when I noticed him staring from the reflection in the mirror in front of me. "Wha-?" I asked, mouth filled with toothpaste froth.

He shook his head, a small smile playing at his lips. "I like this, I want to watch."

That did weird, weird things to me. I was self-conscious, excited, and unnerved at the same time. The once-mindless ritual of brushing my teeth felt like it was something tantalizing… sensual even.

The intense gaze he was casting on me put a kind of weight on me I couldn't explain. I wasn't in a position to speak with my current occupation. Which was just as well, because I imagined that the sounds that would come out of my mouth in this state wouldn't have much verbal faculty anyway.

I was trying to process how it was humanly possible to stimulate someone to this extent with just one's eyes. Did he even know what he was doing? Oh, who was I kidding? Of course, he did. This man was ravishing me with his eyes.

I moved the toothbrush to the other side of my mouth. His encapsulating stare along with the knowledge that this very toothbrush had run the perimeter of his beautiful mouth, had me weak in the knees. I imagined myself melting into a puddle right at his feet.

Killua tilted his head to a side. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't touched him in a while, that made me feel as whisper of something on my skin- everywhere.

At this point. I was supposed to spit out and rinse, but I was fighting the impulse to swallow from nervousness. It took a heroic amount of effort to follow through with I had to do. When I looked back up after rinsing my mouth, he was right behind me.

My head turned to a side on its own accord- it was my body answering his call, I had no say in this. The distance between my back and his chest was maybe that of a hair… but it was distance nonetheless. On top of the trance my body and mind were already into, his intoxicating musky, freshly-showered scent hit me in all its glory. I was going to die right here.

Would he? Make a move? I wondered, my mind working up all kinds of possibilities and… hopes. He raised his hand, sending my heart into a flutter that I swear could have been fatal. His fingers moved to the toothbrush in my hand, gradually releasing it from my grip. Without so much as accidental contact between our skins, he had it back into the ceramic holder.

"Claire," he said in a low voice, staring right into my eyes. I despised math and geometry, but I would religiously throw myself into calculating what part of an inch the distance between our lips amounted to.

I could only exhale in response. We were so close our breaths intertwined.

"I think…" he began, undressing me with his eyes. I could have sworn that was what he was doing in that moment.

I whimpered. I actually motherfucking whimpered. The animal quality in his eyes deepened.

"I think," he repeated, seeing as torturing me was his favorite thing in the world, "you should get out of here before Bisky beats the crap out of me for setting our training back a week."

I sighed shakily. This didn't go the way I imagined. "A week?" I asked, perplexed.

"Oh, I have a lot of pent-up frustration," he clarified, moving his head to my other side, compelling me to follow along. "The things I'd do with it and how long I'd do them for… a week's delay for sure."

I gulped, understanding that despite how wound up he was right now, his self-control was still flawless. It took me a few stabilizing breaths to actually gather the strength to walk out of the bathroom.

"A week's delay wouldn't be the end of the world though," I reasoned, feeling braver than I actually was.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" he asked, sounding surprisingly pleased. "Because I'd like to see that."

I palmed his face away with a helpless groan, making my way towards the door.

"Wait," he called, pushing the door closed with one hand.

"What?"

"I have something to discuss," he informed, inviting me to sit on the bed as a gesture.

I complied, looking at him suspiciously. I was smart enough to know that my chances of getting a booty call of out of this man were non-existent right now, and I was in no mood for any further teasing.

"I wanted to ask if you'd consider going home this weekend," he proposed, surprising me.

I arched a brow at that. "Why?"

"Gon and I have to go out of the city for a couple of days, and honestly I wouldn't be easy leaving you here alone," he explained in all transparency.

That simultaneously touched and frustrated me. I wanted to give him a bit of a hard time, but the truth was that nothing sounded better than going home and seeing my family. Which is why my assent was immediate and easy.

"Good, because I've already booked your flight."

Of course, he had. "So the whole asking me thing was to humor me?"

"You know I live to humor you," he admitted, not looking the least bit ashamed.

I wanted to smack the smug smirk off his face. Actually, I wanted to kiss it, but that wasn't on the table.

"Where are you guys going? Is this another shady trip to that place where you can't take your phone to like last time?" I diverted my mind instead. In the early months of us dating, Killua had disappeared for a few days after a Ging lead. This was before the whole family-vengeance-stalker shit show played out. But I had my own version of a series of heart attacks when I thought he was ghosting me.

"More like a fancy-casino-resort-in-East-Gordeau kind of trip."

"Really? East Gordeau? That's not exactly known for its relic hunting or monster slaying," I pointed out.

"Yes, but it is known for its flashy appeal. Apparently, lots of powerful hunters have a thing for overpriced buffets and questionable slot machines."

"Okay, well. You'll stay in touch? Unlike all the other times?" I quickly added, reminding him how bad he was with that whole ordeal. Killua and I were not made for long-distance, but he was epically bad at it. Despite his sick obsession with keeping tabs on me at all times, he was very forgetful when it came to returning the favor.

He sighed, at least having the decency to not deny it. "No promises on the frequency, but I'll try my best." You win some and you lose some, I reasoned.

I let him off easy because in all honesty, I was so homesick, the only thing I could really think of about was my upcoming trip home. I wish I knew that the next time I would see him all hell would break lose.

Author's note:

Hi guys, just putting this down here because I want to let anyone reading know that I'm working on updating the initial chapters. I'll stick to the integrity of the story, but in all honesty, the level of cringe in the way I wrote ten years ago is actually physically painful to me. I've polished the first two chapters, and I think you guys would enjoy them. It's also funny because now my mind is split halfway working on progressing the story as it is now and then also the parts of it from the start. Currently going through the third chapter, and let's just see how long I can keep this steak going and the creative juices flowing.

As for the arc right now, I'm going to put Killua and Claire's relationship on the back burner for a bit because it's about time to start furthering the plot and really getting into Claire's past. Spoiler alert: it's a shit show, and also I put in a teeny tiny hint about her past in the conversation with her brother. Phew, the thought of unraveling things with this character and then tying everything together unnerves me, but it's going to be good so bear with me. I also plan to have this story done in the next ten-ish chapters. Can't say for sure sure because there's a lot to cover. Anyway, let's open the Pandora's box that is Claire's background story.