Warning: This chapter contains sexual content and depressing scenes. You have been sexually and depressingly warned.

Final Project

XXXV.

Beck sat slumped in his bed with a spiral-ring notebook and a black pen that he clicked constantly. It was one of his few bad habits that annoyed other people. But no one else was around right now, so he was free to click away. He had visited the NYCDA website earlier in the night and memorized the essay question the school wanted all traditional applicants to answer:

Describe a time you have been disappointed and what you did to overcome the situation. 800-1000 words.

Simple. Not too hard at all. At least…he didn't think so when he first looked at it. But now, having stared at a blank piece of paper for nearly two hours, Beck wasn't so sure. There have been plenty of disappointments in his life, ranging from not getting a part that he wanted, not getting a grade he thought he deserved, not liking a particular screenplay assignment…

He couldn't get any real details going for these past dilemmas, however. All he could think about was the time before the Platinum Music Awards when Tori turned him down. The feeling he had on that day didn't even come close to the pitiful pity-parties he had for all those other occasions.

Of course, a failed almost-relationship was hardly anything to talk about for a college essay. They wanted to hear about acting or stage experience, not a pretty girl.

Beck touched the tip of the pen to the notebook. If he could only come up with a good first line, everything else should just flow…

Crystal Waters.

He didn't mean to write down that name. He had been thinking about his small role he played in the movie that had started of starring Melinda Murray, but then Tori's alias came to mind.

Where was she anyway? She mentioned about going to KaraOKAAAAY tonight, but she didn't end up going alone, did she? He hoped not. Not that he didn't trust her or was worried about her, he just would feel bad for making her feel like she had to go alone when he very well could have went out, even if just for a few hours.

These hours he spent in his RV trying to write an essay certainly haven't been very productive.

He sighed and laid his head back on his pillow and stared at the ceiling. He wished he could call Andre right about now. What could he say; the guy was good with words. Andre would have made this essay into a song, and that would have completely inspired Beck to write that 800 word minimum paper.

Shit…even just calling Andre to call him would be nice right about now. He had to admit, when he was in Japan, he didn't fully consider how his friendship with Andre would be impacted. He thought too black and white. It was Tori versus Andre and Jade versus himself. He didn't dwell on all the crisscrosses involved. He knew Tori really didn't either. She was always talking about Andre forgiving her, but nothing about Andre forgiving him…or them.

Beck imagined that Andre was probably angrier at him (Beck) and more hurt over Tori. But because Tori has been the only one to try to reach out to him, she got the blunt end of all his emotions. Beck had just assumed that Andre would never forgive him, so didn't even try to ask for it. Was that thinking pessimistically or realistically? Good question.

Andre had to feel just as bad, if not worse, than Jade. Jade knew that her relationship with Beck was rocky, at best. He had expressed his unhappiness from time to time, and Jade, always hating to lose, would do everything in her power to make him completely happy again. And it would work. Until things went back to normal.

But Andre…he thought he had the perfect and permanent relationship with Tori. And he supposed Andre had no reason to think otherwise. Tori has a way of making anyone feel loved, especially if she's close to him or her. And Andre was good to her…Beck had been watching them for the last two years. Andre treated her like a princess: he wrote songs for her, he sang to her, he sang with her, he took her out…never once did he try to hide Tori and her talent from the rest of the world.

It truly made Beck wonder why she didn't love Andre the way she loved him. What did he have that Andre didn't? He knew it was weird to be asking that kind of question when he was, in essence, the "winner." But this was certainly a peculiar situation. Would it be unfair to ask Tori this? Would she think he was being arrogant? Just wanted to hear words to gloat on?

At that moment, he heard a light tapping on his RV door. He had just looked up when the door opened and Tori stepped in. His heart literally skipped a beat when her eyes met his and he saw a small smile playing on her lips.

"Hey…" was all that came from him as she shut the door and stepped further in, crossing her arms and rubbing her forearms with her hands.

"Hey to you…" she spoke softly as if she was afraid of breaking some sort of sacred silence. That's when he realized that he had been sitting in silence with a notebook on his lap. It must have looked like he was trying to really concentrate. Which he was, of course…

"You look nice," he complemented as he scooted himself up more on the bed so he wasn't so slouched, "You go to the club?"

Tori shrugged slightly and dropped her arms, taking off a bracelet and setting it on his table, "Only for a few minutes. Someone threatened to call the police about something so everyone ran."

Beck chuckled, "Everyone?"

Tori smiled a bit more, "Heh, yeah…everyone. Hey, do you mind if I take a quick shower? I walked here from the club and—."

"Why didn't you take a cab? Or call me?" Beck asked, setting his notebook and pen aside.

Tori waved him off, "Just felt like walking. But it was muggy, so I feel gross. Gonna hop in the shower, kay?" She took out her green feather earrings and set them on the table by her bracelet before walking into the bathroom. She left the door cracked slightly to allow some steam to escape.

Beck knew there had to be more to the story than what she was telling. He wouldn't be surprised if Jade was the one that threatened to call the police. He wondered if she planted something on Tori and wanted to frame her.

He quickly shook the thought from his head. That obviously didn't happen if Tori was here now, so he might as well just forget it. He stood up when he heard her turn on the shower head.

Jade sat on her bed and stared across the dim room at her dresser mirror. She still had on her heavy goth boots as well as her black outfit she went out in. With her dark hair, she looked like a mere silhouette in the mirror…a face floating in the middle. There were still some photographs of her and Beck hanging on the edges of the mirror. Four, to be exact. There used to be more. She took care of the other five already.

She hated the symmetry on her mirror. Two pictures of the left, two on the right. Too perfect. Too in-line. Too…horrid.

She hated herself in this moment. More than she hated Beck. And possibly, even more than she hated Tori. Why was she punishing herself by keeping these pictures? It was the kind of mistreatment she wasn't used to…this…dullness. This hope for something good that will never happen, because it's bad. It's all bad, it always was and it always will be.

Too much of her time went to this investment—this relationship thing. The few other times they broke up, something always told her that it wasn't the end. But this was the end. She felt it in her bones. They were weightlessly heavy and the only time they felt better was when she was kicking or hitting something. Was this what true despair felt like? Was everything before this merely an act?

Feeling a surge of anger rise from her core, she watched her reflection jump from the bed and rush forward, ripping a picture off the mirror and snatching sharp scissors from the dresser. Her eyes blurred as she smashed the picture to the wall before jamming the scissors right through the photo and into the wall. When her vision came back, she saw that she didn't stab Beck's face, but instead, her own.

Tori gave a short shout in surprise when she felt Beck's arms wrap around her from behind. She had only gotten her shirt off before he snuck up on her, but feeling his hand roam across her stomach sent butterflies flying all over her skin.

"What're you doing?" Tori asked playfully as she tilted her head to the side to let his lips play over her neck.

He only moaned lowly in response as his lips traveled up to her ear and his hands found their way to her covered breasts, bracing himself as she fell back against him. He felt her body shift as she unbuttoned her own jeans and tried to wiggle them down her legs. To help her out, he clasped his fingers onto the hem of her jeans and kissed down her back as he lowered the jeans to her feet.

Placing small kisses at the small of her back, he fell to his knees even when she stepped out of the jeans. "Beck…" she whispered his name as she tangled her fingers in his hair and tried to turn toward him. He let her, moving his kisses to her stomach, to the valley between her breasts, her neck that was so nicely exposed for him as she tossed her head back.

The hot water was already steaming up the room, and he loved the taste of moisture on her skin. To be closer to her, he hurriedly took off his shirt, not at all surprised when she smashed their lips together before he got the shirt all the way over his head.

Beck enjoyed the moan that emitted from her parted lips as she began playing with the zipper of his jeans. She had somehow become very skilled with getting his jeans and boxers off at the same time, and he never noticed it until he felt them around his knees.

His hand snaked its way into her panties, feeling her knees buckle from under her when he touched her core. He loved how it felt pressing into her, how her eyes fluttered closed, how her body forgets how to move except for the slight quivering of her thighs.

"Ssshhhhower…" Tori managed to stutter out as her feet tried to spread wider unconsciously against his caress.

With his free hand, he reached behind her and unhooked her bra, allowing her to slide it off, as his hand then got lost in her wild hair, his lips all over hers, his fingers still playing with their discovery.

"Beck…" she said, as if a reminder that they were indeed in there to take a shower. He promptly stopped his ministrations and picked her up from the back of her thighs. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist, pressing her face down against his as he turned toward the shower. Blindly, she reached out to slide the glass open so they could step in. She managed to close the glass again before feeling how hot the water was on her skin.

She yelped at the burn, but then Beck was pressing her against the wall and entering her with a quickness, and the burn from the water didn't seem so bad anymore.

Andre stumbled up his stairs, the drinks and the rush of the night finally catching up to him. When Jade threatened to call the police, he had somehow forgotten that Robbie drove with him. He took a huge risk by driving himself home. But he just wanted to get out of there. Away from the drinks, away from the people, away from the police, away from…Tori.

His shoulder used the wall for support as he climbed the stairs. He was sure the world wasn't slanted—just his life. His life was crooked and slanted and he didn't know how to straighten it out again. Just like hanging a picture on a wall, you need two people: one to hang it, and one to tell you if it's straight. He was missing his second person…and he was having a hard time stepping back from the situation to see what he needed to do.

Finally making it to the second story, he staggered across the hall to his bedroom, slamming into his closed door a little harder than he intended. The doorknob felt slimy in his dry hands, but the coolness felt good on his skin. So when he got the door open, he kept ahold of the knob, looking around at his room full of music memorabilia. A guitar here, a keyboard there, a piccolo on his nightstand (Tori's piccolo to be exact), music sheets scattered about his dresser…

And he knew that Tori's hairbrush was underneath all those papers. It was one of the things that she thought she should have at his house for those occasions when she ended up staying the night.

Andre closed his eyes as the room began spinning. He basically threw himself on his unmade bed, but as soon as his face hit the pillow, Tori's scent filled his senses. Her perfume, her hairspray, her Downy clothes…

His eyes snapped open when it just got to be too much, and before he knew it, he was ripping the sheets and blankets off his bed. He wondered if he looked like a madman. Would anyone be too scared to help him if they saw him now?

He turned and left his bedroom, the bed undressed. He felt more than saw his way down the hall to the bathroom, slapping a hand over his eyes when he turned the bathroom light on. He shuffled his feet further in until he sensed the sink in front of him. He gripped onto the cool marble until his knuckles paled, squinting his right eye open slowly to look into the mirror.

Hardly recognizing himself, he leaned over the sink and hid his face in his arms. He listened to himself breath for a few minutes. He needed to get ahold of himself. He didn't want to accidentally fall asleep in the bathroom, but he didn't want to sleep in his bedroom. He had to go back downstairs and find the couch.

Andre tried to look up one more time, wanting to avoid his bloodshot eyes. Instead he saw the blue cup with his toothbrush in it. And next to his…was Tori's. Tori's purple Oral-B toothbrush. He thought back to the mornings they would wake up together and they would come in here to brush their teeth together. He loved watching her do it…she didn't have any grace brushing her teeth, but instead, she looked like a little kid learning to brush her teeth on her own. She would do it vigorously and albeit sloppily, but he never pointed it out because he didn't want her to stop.

It could be said that he took these moments for granted, but he certainly didn't. He lived each moment like it was the next lyric to a great song, especially his moments with her. He may not have her anymore, but no one could ever say that he took even the smallest things for granted.

Groaning with a deep inner pain, he pushed himself away from the sink and out into the hallway again. He felt like he was on a journey leading to nowhere. His mind didn't recognize his house, but his body did, so it led him to where he had to go.

Going down the stairs, he missed a few along the way, but somehow managed to make it without injuring himself (at least, not that he would be able to tell tonight). To go to the living room, he had to go through the kitchen—and this was where he remembered their talk just a few days ago.

"Screw you…" he mumbled out almost incoherently as he pointed at the refrigerator accusingly. He had to blame something…

Tori and Beck both gasped as the steaming water shot against their bodies and the feeling of completeness overtook them.

"I can't get enough of you…" Beck moaned as he entered her second after second, his hair matting to his face both from the water and from sweat. Every once in a while his right hand would prop her up further on the wall when she began slipping too low, but for the most part, his hands were flat against the shower wall beside her head.

Tori had a firm grasp around his waist to keep from moving too much, plus she was held against the wall pretty good. Every time they were together, she kept trying to wrap her mind around how it felt with him inside her. It was a feeling that was hard to describe—a sort of hunger that kept getting worse the more it was given. Only a small moment at the very end finally satisfied this hunger—this thirst, this desire, this ache, this craving…

If she focused hard enough, she could sometimes feel every little part of her that he was penetrating. She was aware of how she surrounded him and how he filled her to just the right point. How she would close around him to an almost inescapable hold when she was so close to getting her satiate.

Like now—her eyes were kept closed because the spray of the water was pointed almost directly at her. So she was only feeling and hearing. She loved the sound of their hips meeting, the sound of his heavy breathing, the sound of his hard swallows, and how his lips vibrated with a passion when they touched her.

It was all so overwhelming and bewildering and she loved it so much…

Jade pressed her body against the wall beside the wounded photograph. With her cheek against the wall, she could only see the thin edge of the picture and the scissors that stuck straight out. Reaching up with a tentative hand, she watched her fingers curl around the sharp edges of the weapon.

For a brief moment, she wished she was the stereotypical goth and cut her wrists. She never injured her skin despite what she might have told other people; she just never saw the whole point to it. But if ever there was a time, it would be now. The physical pain would be able to pinpoint. It would have an exact location. But this emotional pain…it was nowhere and everywhere and she hated it!

Angrily, she pulled the scissors out of the wall. Because they penetrated a hole through the picture, the photo was temporarily stuck to the wall. Before it had time to fall, she slammed the scissors right back in. She had no idea if they went into her face or Beck's this time, and truthfully, she didn't care.

She pulled them out only to slam them back in.

Again.

And again.

Closing her eyes, Jade pounded the scissors into the picture on the wall over and over until she felt shallow cuts begin to form in her palm from squeezing so tight. She listened to her heavy breathing.

She felt so mad at—everything, everyone, every, every, every…

Since she came back to LA, she admitted only to herself that she felt awful because of what she did to Andre. She knew that he was as innocent as her in all this, and yet she felt the need to attack him. Maybe it was because she knew she couldn't touch Beck and Tori any other way. If she wanted any chance at all to see them crumble, she had to do something drastic.

And yet, her plan failed. Beck and Tori are still together, and here she is, with scissors in her wall and cuts on her palm.

Andre couldn't handle the living room, either. He thought about the times he and Tori sang together, wrestled together, watched TV together, did homework together, were together.

He was furious at himself for still thinking about her. The girl of his dreams. The girl that was one of a kind, the one that cheered him on even through his down times. The one that was able to argue with him one second, the make up with the next.

He was doing it again. He yelled as he picked something off the coffee table and threw it at the wall. It shattered as it made impact…he had no idea what it was; he would examine the damage in the morning.

Not wanting to take anymore, he made his way back to his front door that he didn't even close all the way on the way in. Stepping out onto the porch, he screamed, "Damn you, Tori!" into the night, not seeing anyone walking by but not really focusing on anyone either. He knew there were stairs in front of him, but he miscalculated their depth and ended up stumbling down them. He rolled onto the grass in his front yard with all his limbs outspread and stared up at the night sky. It was hard to see any stars in the heart of the city. There were a few, but they were very dim.

"You're not shining at all…" Andre (thought he) said, before closing his eyes. The grass felt cool yet sticky against him, and he figured this was as good a place as any to sleep. The sprinklers would come on in the morning and wake him up…

"Yes…almost there…" Tori's voice echoed off the walls, her hips moving quickly with his as she felt that hunger she'd been craving about to reach its fulfillment.

She felt her backend slam harshly against the wall, and it would probably leave bruises, but in this very instant, she couldn't care less. Beck's hands gripped the top of her thighs as he gave everything of himself to help her reach her destination (Tori was sure there would be bruises there as well).

Then there was deafening silence, a stillness of time, before an earthquake and the insanity of the best emotional and physical pleasure she could ever imagine. She was only able to pulsate around him for a few quick seconds before he had to pull away from her as his own decadence rushed through and out of him.

Their bodies were so tired that they both slipped to the warm, wet floor together. They spent a few seconds trying to catch their breath, then meeting eyes, and laughing. Laughing for no reason and for every reason. They pressed their foreheads together and sat tangled up in each other without a current care.

Jade finally sunk to the floor, staring up at the scissors that hung from the wall. At this angle, they looked more dangerous than usual and she wondered if it would be a sign if they stayed in the wall. She glanced at her hurt hand with uncaring before squeezing it into a fist so she wouldn't accidentally smear some blood on something. Not that it was a whole lot…it was pretty much dry already anyway.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and dangled her injured hand over her knee. She wished she had something to throw at the small lamp beside her bed so the darkness would engulf her.

The next morning, as soon as the sun peaked over the horizon, the sprinklers came on.