I wasn't really worried about my face.

It's not that I'm not, like, vain. I am. At seventeen, who isn't? But it's more… poignant than that, I guess? No, poignant's sad. Meaningful?

Sure. Meaningful. Whatever. Crappy vocabulary but I can spin with the right tone. It is, literally, full of meaning— like a real-life metanarrative. And I love a good metanarrative. Bad ones, too.

Was this a bad one? Shoot. I zoned out. No— no, wait— yeah, I'm good. All good.

God, my face hurts. And the bandages itch. It was probably not a great idea to do a whole sermon with my whole face mummy-wrapped. My lips feel like they hate me.

They can call us what they want, but we are the hateful ones? How is that fair? How is that just?

This is what they want for all of us. They want to see us all marked. Identified. Filterable, selectable.

Exterminatable.

Ow, shit, I poked my face. God, it fucking hurts.

Whatever. I heard people like scars. They definitely respect them; people have been looking at me like I'm the Arch's Eidolon. Hilarious, I know, but definitely an ego-boost. Roman keeps me in check.

Director?

Yes, Leopold? Stand up— better yet, come up here.

I— I just have a question.

And I want to hear it! I want to look you in your eyes when you ask it. I want you to see who I am inside and I want to see who you are, that way I'll know how to answer.

O-okay.

I can't believe Leo's still alive. I can't believe I remember him. Oh shit, he has no legs.

Miss Penny, help our loyal friend up here.

God damn, that is gnarly. That girl really went through us… oh well. Turns out we were overdue for a good culling. Can't thrive without some blood spilt. I just wish we had someone like that, but with Leo's kind of devotion. Penny's close, but she's got some anti-kill program thing. What's the point in having a murder bot that can't murder?

Probably for the best. I need limits. Torchwick can't be my only memento mori.

What could I do for you, Mister

Fuck, uh… oh!

Armranth.

I— I just want to know, Director, it's just a question, t-that's all.

Don't be scared, Mister Armranth. We're all friends here.

S-sorry, it's just… I've never been this close to you, Director.

Ugh.

I'm a man just like you, Leo. You had a question?

Y-yes, sir.

Go ahead, friend.

Why is— a-and I mean no offense, not to question your leadership, I just want to know— why is Roman Torchwick here? He's a notorious criminal.

Ah, shit. Welp, someone was gonna ask eventually.

I understand— do you mind if I answer to the congregation?

N-no, Director. Thank you.

Friends, I understand your trepidation. Roman Torchwick is an immoral man. Of this there is no doubt, nobody here has to pretend otherwise. He certainly doesn't.

But we do immoral work.

I see some eyes widening. That's okay! That's fine. It's a shocking thing to hear— 'Us? Immoral?'

We do the things that are the hardest— such is the burden of the crown, friends.

Leo, my friend, you know I like to move and I don't wanna barge you over. I'm gonna answer your question— to that Arch on high, I swear— but is it alright if I take the full stage? I can already tell this part's gonna get me moving.

Y-yes, of course, Director. Thank you.

And thank you, Mister Armranth. Penny, if you would?

Is Penny wearing her hair differently today? Huh.

(Does she think my face is ugly now?)

Friends, my people, I am sorry.

I really am.

I understand if this is hard for you— it's hard for me, make no mistake. But the hardest things are often the most important— and understand, my people, this is most important. It's so important that it cannot be left undone. Our future— the future of humanity as a whole— relies on our action in this.

And know that our action will not be neat. Our action will not be pleasant or tidy. Our action will not be kind.

Others will see our future as grim. Cruel. They will see what we do and they will call us monsters. They will scorn us— just like they scorned Him.

They will call us evil. My people, they will want us dead.

And they will shake their fists and weep at the sky— but guess what, friends?

They'll be alive. They'll be human. And deep in the darkest reaches of their heart-of-hearts, they'll be thanking us.

Does that mean working with unsavory folk like Roman Torchwick? Yes, unfortunately. It also means sacrifice. It means blood and sweat. It means pain.

But we will survive that pain. We will outlive. And when the skies clear again, the sun will shine on us.

Everyone, let's go to our hymns. Penny, my heart, do you mind leading the congregation in chorus today? I need to change my bandages.

Ah, Penny. Always so useful. Sweet, too. Bless her heart.

God, I look weird with all these bandages over my face. And I can already feel how much they're gonna hurt. Whenever I reach out and try to grab something, I miss. Because, you know, I got my eye clawed out. It hurts.

Taking the bandages off is a scourging, of sorts. I feel cleaner by the end. And it's the most painful thing ever. I see what I look like. I cover it back up.

I, uh… lose a couple hours, at some point, and snap back in at supper. Penny's sat me down at the head. Torchwick is on the other side of the table, squirming.

"Do I really have to be here?" He asks.

I would never compel you—

"Don't give me the sermon voice, kid."

I apologize. He rolls his eyes.

"Whatever. I guess I could eat. Neo? You want milquetoast religious homestyle or do you wanna go scrounge through some ruins?"

His weird kid does sign language. I don't speak sign language.

Torchwick doesn't seem to like the answer, judging by the way he slumps back into his seat and crosses his arms like a petulant child. When it becomes clear he isn't going to leave, I thank him for staying. It's nice having someone besides Penny around for supper.

Roman's kid— Neo— cocks his pink/brown hair and does some other signs. Roman translates: "They're asking why you don't invite the, uh…" he squints. Neo repeats some signs. "Churchgoers."

It's—

"Do you just speak like that by default?"

I apologize again. The hell else am I supposed to do? Speaking otherwise is… weird. I try to explain it to him— cultivating separation, the virtue of being isolated— but none of it comes out right. I sound immature again. I end up staring at the table and lose a few minutes until Penny gently places a platter in front of me. It's lemon pepper chicken, rice, and asparagus. I don't actually know how she cooks things. I don't ask.

"Did you genuinely cook this?" Roman asks instead. "How? Where?"

Penny smiles and shushes him, motioning over the food as if to invoke peace. This flabbergasts him by virtue of being so inexplicative. Neo quickly devours his own food.

The chicken is on par with Penny's standard level of quality— good. Not as good as mom's, but close. I have to remind her to hang up the apron before she sits down. She laughs and pats my shoulder.

Torchwick eats like it's disgusting, despite grumbling multiple compliments towards my chef. Penny doesn't eat any. Neo licks his plate.

I nod towards Neo.

This is your son?

Roman rolls his eyes nearly out of his skull. "No," he denies, grumbling. "This is my kid."

He's—

"Quit. The. Voice."

Penny makes a threatening noise that he ignores. I reiterate.

"They are my kid in every way," Torchwick says proudly. "'Cept in the legal sense. In which case, fuckit. Y'know?"

I do know. I promise.

"God, gimme a break."

I try to push down the voice and ask if he's a believer. He denies belief, which I already expected. I say nothing about how much that makes me want to claw off my skin.

"You look like you wanna claw off your own skin."

He can't see my face behind the bandages.

I'm hidden by my wounds.

"Whatever." He finishes supper. Neo does another one of his little hand signs and Torchwick mournfully shakes his head— probably denying dessert. He nods somewhere across the open space they were in. "So what're you gonna do with that?"

I look across the chamber, towards the steel maintenance door embedded in the side of the wall. I finish my dinner, thank Penny for the meal, and excuse myself in the solid door's direction. Peering through the thin, dusty window, I can see her trying to force her face through the nonexistent floor-gap. I sigh. She doesn't look up. Even on all fours, her feet incessantly scrape the concrete.

I hum.

Know that sinner;

The Previous Morning

I AWOKE IN DARKNESS; MY WORLD COMPACT; I STAYED FIRM IN MY BODY; I STAYED SOUND IN MY MIND; IT IS IN THESE WAYS I WAS MADE ME; IT IS IN THESE WAYS I KNOW ME; IT IS IN THESE WAYS I AM GOOD; I AM GOOD; MY COMPRESSED WORLD ROCKED AND SHOOK; MY COMPRESSED WORLD WAS AN ANGRY ONE; MY COMPRESSED WORLD WAS ONE OF WEIGHTLESSNESS; I WAS LIFTED IN MY COMPRESSED WORLD WHICH WAS ALSO LIFTED; MY COMPRESSED WORLD SHATTERED ABOUT MY HEAD; THE LIGHT CAME UNTO ME; I WAS BLINDED; I WAS SURPRISED; I LET OUT A CRY UNBECOMING OF THE ME THAT I AM; THE GOOD THAT IS ME; BUT I DID CRY OUT AND THAT WAS THE WAY OF IT.

"Is that a dog? That— it was in a mailing tube! I'm calling animal welfare."

"No, it's fine! This is my dog, Zwee!"

"That is not how you say that."

"How would you even know? It's a name!"

"Thou'rt insufficiently concerned for the fact thy dog wert stuffed in a mailing tube."

"You are so shit at talking normal."

THE FACE OF MY PERSON MET ME AND I ALSO MET IT; I WAS ELATED; I WAS HAPPY AND I KNEW I WAS ALSO GOOD; MY PERSON HAD UNMADE THAT COMPACT WORLD AND FREED ME; THE LOVE IN MY HEART WAS UNCONTAINABLE; MY PERSON SMILED AS JOYFULLY AS THE ELATION IN MY HEART; I KISSED THEM UPON THE CHEEK AND WE WERE BOTH MADE HAPPY; THE WORLD AND ME WERE BOTH GOOD; I GAVE UNTO MY PERSON THESE FEELINGS; MY PERSON LOOKED UPON ME WITH KINDNESS; I SPOKE UNTO THEM; I TOLD THEM I LOVED THEM; THEY SMILED AND THEY KISSED MY HEAD AND I KNEW THEY LOVED ME TOO.

"What exactly are we meant to do with your mutt while we're on our mission?"

"Keep him safe with us?"

"The dog? With us? Are you…"

I LOOKED UPON THE WHITE THING WHO SMELLED AS MY PERSON SMELLS; I TOLD THEM I COULD SEE THEIR JEALOUSY; I TOLD THEM I COULD SEE THEIR WANT AND NEED; I TOLD THEM THEY WOULD NEVER BE AS GOOD AS I; I TOLD THEM IT IS ME WHO IS GOOD; I TOLD THEM THEIR HEART WOULD NEVER BEAT FOR MY PERSON AS MINE DOES; THEY CAME UPON ME AS IF TO STRIKE; I HELD MY CHIN HIGHER THAN THEY WILL EVER REACH; AND THEY COULD NOT STRIKE ME; THEY COULD ONLY OUTSTRETCH THEIR HAND AND GRACE MY HEAD WITH AFFECTIONS; THEY KNEW ME CORRECT AND THEY PRAISED ME.

"Absolutely sure we can't skip this mission and spend the rest of the week loving this sweet baby boyyyyyy?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, who's a wee baby boyyyyy? A sweet boy? A sweet lovely baby boy?"

IT WAS ME WHO WAS THE SWEET AND LOVELY BOY; THERE WAS NO OTHER; THERE NEVER WILL BE ANOTHER; I AM THE BEGINNING AND THE END; OF SWEET AND LOVELY BABY BOYS I AM THE EPITOME.

"Ouuuuuuu lookit his squat little legs! Oh my god! This is the best day of my life!"

I GRANTED THIS ONE MY SUCCOR WITH A KISS UPON THEIR CHEEK; BY THIS THEY KNEW THEY WERE MY PERSON AS WELL; THOUGH THEY WILL NEVER BE AS MY PERSON TRUE.

"W-Weiss, you're scaring me."

"I— I am scaring myself! Good god, Florabel, how could you hide this thing from me?"

WITH SUCH QUERY I WAS ALSO UPLIFTED; WHY WOULD I BE HIDDEN; HAVE I DONE WRONG TO DESERVE THIS; AM I NOT PRIDED; I ASKED THIS; I ASKED WHY I HAVE NOT KNOWN THIS PERSON FOR WHOM I HOLD LOVE AND FROM WHOM I AM LOVED; I ASKED WHY THIS PERSON WHO SMELLS OF MY PERSON WOULD NOT BE KNOWN TO ME; I ASKED WHY THIS PERSON WHO SMELLS OF MY PERSON AND PULSES WITH MY PERSON WOULD NOT BE MADE KNOWN TO ME AND WHY I WOULD NOT BE MADE KNOWN TO THEM; AND MY PERSON WAS STRUCK WORDLESS BY THIS; MY PERSON WAS MADE A STATUE BY THIS.

"I… uh… I dunno. I didn't think I'd be receiving my dog in the mail? I didn't think you'd care?"

"What, you planned on introducing him on my first time at your house?"

"You're… coming to my house?"

"U-uh… nevermind."

"No, no, that's not a 'nevermind', dude."

"Uh— sh-shut up. You're a chicken."

"Babe, you're, like, the only person who I'm not gonna throttle for saying that."

"Don't call me 'babe!'"

"Don't ignore that you wanna come to my house and meet my parents!"

"I only wanted to meet thy hound!"

"So you do want to come to my house!"

"I— I— fuck you!"

AND THUS I SAW MY PERSONS COLLIDE; THEY COLLIDED WITH BODIES AND MOUTHS AND I WAS CAUGHT BETWEEN; I CRIED OUT; IT IS UNBECOMING OF THE GOOD THAT I HAVE MADE OF MYSELF BUT I DID CRY OUT; MY PERSONS THRASHED WITHOUT CARE AND THEY STRUGGLED; I WATCHED IN DESPAIR AND I WATCHED WITH WORRY; I DESPAIRED FOR MY PERSONS THAT I COULD NOT SERVE THEM FOR I LOVED THEM BUT WITH NEITHER COULD I SIDE; I WORRIED FOR MY PERSONS BECAUSE MY LIGHT AND MY LOVE WAS OUTSHINED IN THEIR TANGLING MASS OF LIMB AND LIP; THEY ROLLED AND PUSHED AND I FLED; I HAD TO WATCH FROM AFAR; I FEARED FOR MY SAFETY; I COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY WERE MAKING THEMSELVES INTO; I COULD NOT SEE THE SHAPE THEY WERE FORMING WITH THEIR BODIES; AT ONCE THEY WERE EMBROILED WITH HANDS ON THROATS AND PALMS ON CHEEKS; ALSO AT ONCE THEY CAME TOGETHER WITH THEIR MOUTHS AND THEY KISSED; I MUST TELL TRUE THAT I WAS AFRAID; I CRIED OUT FOR CLARITY; I CRIED OUT FOR UNDERSTANDING; THEY OFFERED ME NONE; IT WAS AS IF MY PERSONS FORGOT ME; AM I NO LONGER LOVED; IS MY LIGHT DIMMED; AM I REPLACED?

"Fuck, wait—"

"Florabel, please—"

"Oh, you want to get caught when Yang comes in?"

"Damn. Cockblocked."

MY PERSON THE PERSON TO WHOM I AM MOST SINGULARLY DEVOTED MADE A SOUND OF GREAT HUMOR IN THEIR SNOUT; I LAUGHED ALTHOUGH MY LAUGHTER SOUNDED LIKE MY CRIES.

"Where the hell did you learn 'cockblocked?'"

"On the web?"

"Well get up. You look like you've been making out with me."

"So do you."

"You seriously think I'd make out with some Fourth? I was making out with someone else."

"You had better not be!"

"N-no, Weiss, that's just what I'll tell them if they ask."

"Er… right. Good."

THUS I WATCHED MY PERSONS SEPARATE; I FEARED FOR THEM; MY MOST SINGULAR PERSON HAD A WEAKNESS THAT MY NEW PERSON DID NOT; MY NEW PERSON PULSED WITH MY MOST SINGULAR PERSON AND I FEARED; I QUESTIONED THIS; MY PERSON HAD NO ANSWER.

FROM THEN I ACCOMPANIED MY PERSONS AND THEIR PERSONS; OF THESE PERSON-PERSONS THERE WERE TWO; OF THESE PERSON-PERSONS I LOVED ONE FOR SHE WAS A PERSON WITH WHOM I HAD GROWN IN EARLIER YEARS AND I HAVE KNOWN THEM TO CARE FOR MY PERSON AS I HAVE; THE OTHER OF THE PERSON-PERSONS WAS NOT SO AMICABLE; BUT WITH THESE FOUR I MADE TRAVEL; WITH THESE FOUR AND A FINAL LARGER AND OLDER PERSON I MADE MOVEMENTS TO ANOTHER LAND; IT IS WITH THESE FOUR AND THAT ONE THAT I JOURNEYED AND SLEPT FOR DAYS AND NIGHTS; IT IS WITH THESE FOUR AND THAT ONE THAT I MADE OF MYSELF A BRAVER ONE; IT IS WITH THESE FOUR AND THAT ONE THAT I MADE THE ME THAT I WAS INTO A STRONGER ONE; IN THIS NEW PLACE OF RUBBLE AND ROT I MADE PACE AMONG THE STRONG; IN THIS NEW PLACE THE AIR WAS RIFE WITH DANGER AND I DID LEAD THEM TO IT; IT IS IN THIS NEW PLACE THAT I SAW MY PERSONS SLAY THINGS MADE OF NIGHTTIME AND BLOOD; IT IS IN THIS NEW PLACE THAT I ACCOMPANIED MY MOST SINGULAR PERSON; IT IS THROUGH THIS NEW PLACE THAT I PROTECTED MY MOST SINGULAR PERSON AS THEY MADE SOME NIGHTWISE JOURNEY ALONE.

"You like patrolling, Zwee?"

I DID NOT ANSWER MY MOST SINGULAR PERSON'S QUESTIONS BECAUSE I KNEW THEY WERE NOT MEANT TO BE ANSWERED.

"Me too. It's nice being out here alone. Dangerous, but… eh. I'll be fine."

IT WAS THIS STATEMENT FOR WHICH I WAS AFEARED; A TEMPTATION OF FATE IT WAS; I TRIED TO VOICE THIS BUT MY MOST SINGULAR PERSON DID NOT LISTEN; EVEN STILL I LOVED THEM.

"You think mom would like Weiss?"

FOR THIS I HAD NO ANSWER.

"Honestly, I think she would. She'd go crazy for her. She's gonna be way too excited when she learns I have a nemesis."

THIS MADE SOME SENSE TO ME.

"Crap, mum's gonna kill her."

OF THIS THING I WAS CERTAIN.

"Frick, Zwee, what am I gonna do? Mum's gonna kill her, then she's gonna kill me, shi— oot!"

I LAMENTED IN SOLIDARITY FOR I COULD DO NAUGHT IN THE FACE OF THE PATRIARCHY OF MY MOST SINGULAR PERSON'S MOTHER.

"Dammit, she's mine to kill! Doesn't she get it?"

BY THIS TONE I WAS CONFUSED; THE SMELL OF MY MOST SINGULAR PERSON WAS TRUE; WHY THEN WAS MY PERSON CHANGED?

"Crap. I'm turning into mom."

THIS NOTION STRUCK ME TO MY HEART; I CRIED OUT AT THE PAIN OF IT.

"Sh-shhhh! Zwee, quiet down! We're gonna attract attention!"

I DID NOT STOP CRYING; I DOUBLED MY CRIES; I TASTED A FOREBODING IN THE AIR MORE LOATHSOME THAN THE TRANSFORMATION OF MY MOST SINGULAR PERSON INTO THE THING THAT WAS THEIR MOTHER; I MADE TO WARN THEM; I MADE TO WARN MY PERSON WITH MY UTMOST SPEED.

"Z-Zwee, chill! We're just—"

OF THE THINGS THAT I WAS; OF THE THINGS THAT I HAVE MADE OF ME; OF THE THINGS THAT THROUGH STRIFE AND HARDSHIP I HAVE CARVED IN MY BEING; I ADDED TO THE LIST THE THING OF FAILURE.

MY PERSON WAS SWALLOWED BY THE WORLD.