I can't even really say how surprised I am so many of you are still looking forward to this story.

I'm unfortunately someone who writes based on my mood so it's hard to be consistent, but I'm dedicated to finishing this story and I hope ya'll stick around(:

Let's get into it-

Ichigo:

Her skin was like silk. Soft and chilled, cooling the tips of my fingers as they moved across it. Fingers that could dig in and bruise down to the bone.

But they never would, I'd never allow it. I'd bring her nothing but sweet temptation. A rough kiss, maybe a hickey or two but nothing she'd hate. Nothing she'd fear.

And she wasn't afraid, she was alive and well before me, her little sounds intoxicating. Each shift in her hips divine.

Her hands were just as eager as mine, tracing and dragging across my shoulders, my chest then down. Venturing inside my clothes. I shivered, her touch like ice against me. Why was that?

Warm her up.

Yes, I'd keep her here until her skin was drenched with sweat, until she could hardly breathe. Where else would she go? She's promised to be here, supple and wanting and mine.

Her pants should be off, shouldn't they? We're too used to skirts, it's not normally so difficult to touch her when I want to. But that's alright, she's helpful in removing them.

I notice that despite her cold hands her face is flushed. I should find that odd but I'm too distracted by the pull of her.

When I touch her she sighs or gasps. And this is ours. My head's getting fuzzy but there's her hands in my hair, calming and igniting all at once.

No one else can have her smiles, or her scent or her dreams. Her mornings are mine, and her days and nights too. She's safe in our sight, under my body. Safe from the rain. Safe from the cold.

Is there such a thing as cold? It's so hot, I press my body against her in hopes of cooling the burning in my skin. When did I stand up? It would be such a comfort, to sear my touch into her. So that she will ache without it. It'll keep her close, drive her mad.

She gasps but it's wrong. Not lit up from within like it should be. Isn't she okay? She's in front of me, nothing can hurt her.

You sure?

I blink up at my ceiling- then jerk upright. My room is dark and I'm under my covers but when did I get here? Groggy, I blink my gaze around my room.

Hime had come over for dinner, and we'd been in my room together, hadn't we? I could still feel her spiritual pressure in the room, it couldn't have been a dream.

Then I notice with a stark clarity- my reiatsu blocker, gone.

Within a breath I was out of my room, barrelling down the stairs. Be here, be here.

"Hime?" I call out into the quiet house.

It's my old man who answers, out of my sight, "I sent her home."

Turning, I find him at the table, nothing in front of him like he'd been sitting there staring at nothing.

I was half turned already, heading toward the front door when he said, "How long has your reiatsu been unstable?"

My steps barely pause, "Do we have to do this now."

His voice holds no sympathy, "You could have killed her, do you understand that?"

That gets me to turn. I've never seen him look so close to anger. It doesn't suit him, not in the slightest. "I wouldn't have let it get that-"

"Wouldn't have let it?" He leans back in his chair, "So you let it take control this time? Or are you being overly simplistic to avoid facing that it took control from you."

It was only then I realized. Why I was missing such a large chunk of the night, why I remember Hime being in front of me and then waking up to her gone. 'You could have killed her'. Could have, meaning didn't, it was hardly a comfort but a comfort nevertheless.

He took pity on me, but his voice still just as hard. "She's alright, she healed you. She didn't want to leave but she understood she shouldn't be here when you woke up- on the chance it wasn't you who woke up." This time, he asked with no room for evasion. "How long?"

"It's hard to say. I didn't notice it was happening until maybe two weeks ago when Renji came and told me it could be causing the increased hollow activity in the area." I shrug, a deflection meant to keep him from things he shouldn't know. "I thought the blocker was working."

"Kisuke-" Shit. "Told me it wasn't ready but you insisted he give it to you anyway."

After it was clear I wouldn't deny it, he sighed, "Ichigo, I wish things could be simpler for you. Really I do. But they aren't and you need to understand that the world has never seen someone like you before." I start to roll my eyes but stop myself, "And with the things you can do, both for this world and to it, you don't get to take shortcuts."

"I just wanted to be with my girlfriend." It was a kid's answer, but it was the truth.

After a few moments he spoke, and finally his tone had softened. "Yeah I know. Look, Kisuke and I talked about it and we don't think keeping away from her is the answer. We hope that today at least has taught us something."

"That it doesn't want to hurt her."

He nodded. "And perhaps even more importantly that you know how it feels to be overcome with your own reiatsu and then be overtaken by it." I wasn't so sure about that. I hadn't realized what was happening until I'd already lost control. "You'll have to be more focused on your thoughts. So that something you would think and something you wouldn't are easier to spot."

There hadn't been any thoughts, all I could remember was my desire for Orihime. Had my hollow been there even then? I gritted my teeth at the thought of it having any influence on me. But my memory was so hazy, like looking at it through fogged glass. And then that glass goes completely black once my hollow took control.

Why couldn't anything ever be simple?

It doesn't matter- it isn't, so I level him with a look, "What now?"

Shrugging a shoulder, he says, "Well, Kisuke took his prototype and is hoping to crack its formula soon. In the meantime, well I suppose you and Inoue will have to work something out. A few crash courses on maintaining your reiatsu couldn't hurt."

"This has never been a problem before. My spiritual pressure stays perfectly stable when I'm fighting hollows, as far as I've ever known." I point out, reluctant.

He seemed almost hesitant as he carefully chooses his words, "Fighting and- ahem… well fighting is a different instinct. Your focus is heightened, not diverted. With Inoue- you'll, uh get the hang of it."

I have the hang of it- I want to snap even though I knew that wasn't what he'd meant. I should just be thankful he's taking this conversation seriously at all.

With what Hime and I'd been up to before my blackout, I was half afraid to ask but forced myself to say, "What exactly happened?"

His face turned even more stern, if it was possible. "Inoue got the blocker off you. Once you lost consciousness your reiatsu went completely haywire and only then did I notice it. By the time I got in there, Kisuke was there and she was healing you. Anything in between you'll have to ask her but-"

"But?" I prodded.

"But she was in a state of undress." My heart stopped dead in my chest. "I've just been hoping that's something you were already aware of."

Undressed could mean so many things. Her jeans were off- that had been me, I think. Yeah. But what if it'd been more? What if-

I wasn't about to ask my old man just how naked my girlfriend was when he'd last seen her.

"Dad," I said, "I've gotta go."

He stared at me for a second and I braced for a fight. "Alright. But I want you back tonight, don't forget you're still suspended which means I'm still pretending I have any control over you."

Despite the weight in my chest, he had me grinning a bit at that, "Thanks,"

He waved me off and I didn't linger any longer.

I made myself walk to Hime's apartment even though I wanted to sprint. I'd thought I was terrified waiting for her to arrive for dinner, it was nothing compared to this. Would she keep a wide berth? A safe and platonic distance that ensured I wouldn't transform and rip her apart? All promises to protect and cherish her, every vow not to scare her- gone. Practically in the same breath I'd made them in.

She'd be right. I couldn't be trusted. Not even with my own hands.

Bruise down to the bone.

My feet halted. I wouldn't have wanted that, not ever. He'd been there, right there and I hadn't even noticed. Has he been there before too? When my hand wrapped around her throat, could that have been him? No… I'd gauged her reaction before squeezing. Hadn't I?

I stared down the vacant street, struggling to take another step. Does she even want to see me? I reach out and sense her spiritual pressure was calm and content, just a few blocks forward.

She'd never felt farther away.

But she deserved an explanation, as little of one as I could give her. To avoid her now would be for my own selfish comfort, only so I wouldn't have to confront the possibility of her disappointment.

I continued walking.

Before I knew it I was in front of her door, gathering my thoughts- I should have thought of something to say. Anything other than I'm so fucking sorr-

The door flew open and she was launching into my arms.

"You're okay!" Her relief was tangible and it bled into me.

When I didn't let my hands move from my sides to wrap around her, she pulled back, thump tracing over a specific spot on my cheek over and over as if checking for something. Seeming relieved when her searching came up empty.

She stepped back, "Come in,"

A spark of terror; Should I be alone with her?

Before I could voice it, her hand reached past the threshold and fisted into my shirt to pull me forward. I resisted for just another second more before allowing it to succeed.

We sat on her small couch, her apartment dark apart from the glow of light coming from down the hall. I should be looking at her, checking her for any marks, seeing if her eyes held an inch of reproach but I couldn't. Like a damn coward.

Starting at the easy bit, I start to apologize but she cuts me off, "I don't want to hear it. None of this is your fault." I scoff. "It isn't. We rushed something we shouldn't have. Not you, we."

Resisting the urge to stand up and start pacing I point out, "You didn't do anything. You didn't even know what Kisuke was making for me."

While I'd been trying to keep my temper in check- mainly toward myself- Orihime had no such intentions. "When are you going to realize we are in this together? That it doesn't have to all fall on you?"

"When you stop being the one who has to pay for my shortcomings."

"I didn't-"

"You could have died." I practically yell, her neighbors be damned, "I could have killed you. I would have woken up to you dead in my arms, do you think it would have been any consolation that you'd want partial responsibility for it?"

There was a shaking to my body that felt uncontrollable, regardless of how hard I clenched my teeth or my shoulders it wouldn't stop. Was this what it would be like now? No control at all over my own body?

"Will you look at me," When I didn't, she took my face and turned it toward her. She shouldn't look at me like that, like it was me who deserved comfort. "You didn't hurt me. Your hollow didn't hurt me. He wanted to be you, I think. It didn't seem to have much to do with me at all apart from the fact that you have me and he wants what you have. That's all."

If I wasn't sitting down, I would have crumbled to the ground.

Hime softened, her delicate healer's hands taking my left wrist and examining it. "The reiatsu blocker burned all the way down to your bones… I should have felt it long before it got that far. Your spiritual pressure had been so thick, I should have noticed the pain mingled into it but I'd just been so…"

Her eyes were alert in a way they only were when she was healing. She assessed the ligaments and tendons all the way down to my fingertips, ensuring everything was in its proper place. But she had been thorough, I didn't even feel the familiar stretch of newly healed skin.

Now it was her who wouldn't look at me, studying my wrist far longer than necessary. "Your cheek too. A second degree burn I'd say, it blistered so quickly."

I watched her fiddle with my hand, and then snapped my hand around to still hers. I opened her fist and found a bubbled patch of skin staring back at me. She snatched it back quickly, "I was about to heal it when you arrived."

That gasp right before I blacked out- she'd touched the blocker.

The clock on her wall said it was twenty past midnight, we'd gone up to my room nearly four hours ago. I've seen her heal detached limbs in less than one, my few burns would have taken her no time at all.

While I calculated she'd already healed herself, the burn there and then gone. Easy. Yet it'd taken her hours to get around to it.

I'll have to keep an eye on that.

She glanced up and I banished the thought before she could read it in my eyes. She gave me a small smile and I returned it.

"Can we just go to bed?" She sounded so genuinely tired.

But I shook my head, "I can't stay. My dad only let me out to check on you."

She deflated a bit at that, and the monumental bastard that I am, I loved it. "You should stay home from school tomorrow."

"Why?" She asked, brow furrowed.

Now I should be reminding her that she experienced a traumatic event- but I'm not sure that held any weight to her and so I just barrelled on. "Kisuke took the blocker and is working on version two. I want you to come with me to check in on it. I don't know what to target because I can't feel it when I flux." My ears burned at the thought of Orihime explaining to Kisuke what exactly causes my reiatsu to spike but I push on, "It might be good to have him give me some pointers too. You know, for the meantime."

"O-oh," She was scarlet all the way down her neck. "Okay, sure, of course I will."

Her hesitance at the idea rivaled my own and made me smile, reaching forward to cup my hand over the back of her neck. With the movement, her hair fell back over her shoulder and the dark, raw side of her throat made me go cold.

Had that been me? I'd kissed her neck, I remember inhaling the scent of her hair, but those were teeth marks, looking deep enough to draw blood.

My hand dropped away. I'd nearly forgotten why I'd kept them so securely to myself.

"Can you heal those too?" My voice was so clipped I added on a softer, "Please."

Confusion knotting her expression she reached up and half flinched when she felt over the worst of it. She met my eyes, and tried to reassure me. "This was you."

It didn't bring me the relief I thought it would. "It doesn't matter."

She only stared at me, searching for some kind of answer in my face, I'm not sure she'd found it when she spoke, "He said you were there, watching- raging I think he said. Was that not true?"

He spoke to her in my voice... For some reason that made my throat close up. I struggled to clear it. "No, wherever I was, it wasn't there. But my inner world works in weird ways. Sometimes it feels like he's so close to the surface, peering out and other times it's like he's held under water, blind and mute. Either way, I can still feel him, he's just farther. Maybe he can't tell the difference like I can."

I wasn't able to look at her but I saw the movement of her nod, "I knew it wasn't you, the moment it wasn't." I looked at her then, desperate for her next words. "It was similar to what you said, like you were there but still somehow gone."

My throat was closed again, I took her hand and held it gently, carefully. "I won't let that happen again. I won't."

She squeezed my hand, "You don't have to promise me that. You're allowed to stumble."

No, not like that, not with you.

But I don't say it, not as she walks me out, not as she watches me leave. But my failure is there, even when I don't speak it. It's there in the way I have to clench my hands to keep from reaching for her, it's there in the mindful way I observe my own thoughts and most plainly of all it's there in those bruises on her neck.

Down to the bone.

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Thank you for reading- you all mean so much to me.