CHAPTER 5

MaKayla was waiting outside Lucas's room for Elizabeth to arrive to visit him. She needed to speak with her before she saw him. Finally, around 9 a.m. MaKayla saw her walking down the hall, she got up to greet her. "Good morning, Mrs. Thornton." She said nicely.

"Good morning, Dr. Donovan. How is Lucas?" She asked hopefully.

"He regained consciousness's around 11 p.m. last night." she told her with a smile. "But before you visit with him, I need to speak with you about a few things."

"Is that not a good thing, his regaining consciousness?" Elizabeth asked surprised that the doctor seemed on edge.

"It's a very good thing, it's just that when a patient has suffered a traumatic event like Lucas has and with the added complication of extreme blood loss, it is not unexpected that the patient might be confused about things that have happened recently, especially if they are unpleasant." She said to the woman in front of her. "Our mind is always trying to protect us from things that can hurt us."

"So, you're telling me that Lucas is confused?" Elizabeth asked.

"I'm sorry Elizabeth, may I call you Elizabeth?" Elizabeth nodded. "The past three weeks are very jumbled in Lucas's mind. I have explained to him about the shooting and that he won the governor's race. Unfortunately, when it comes to you, Lucas seems to think that you are still engaged. Edwin has told me that you ended your engagement to Lucas three weeks ago when he left to come to Capital City. I assume that is still correct?" She said looking Elizabeth directly.

Elizabeth looked at her in shock. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, he thinks we're still engaged? No, no, this can't be happening, she thought to herself.

Elizabeth finally found her voice, "That is correct, we are no longer engaged. I admit that Lucas was blindsided by my ending things the way I did. I realize my timing was certainly not the best. Dr. Donovan, I still care for Lucas, that is why I'm here in Capital City. But now you're telling me that I have to tell him all over again?" She was beside herself with angst with this news.

"I am going to suggest that at least for right now, you do not mention the broken engagement to him. He is still very weak and the one thing he doesn't need is another shock to his system. I am confident that he will remember what happened between the two of you. It would be best if he could remember it on his own, as his mind clears and he is able to handle it. I do not want him to be blindsided as you put it for a second time." She said strongly.

"Yes, I will do my best not to say anything," she finally said, but was very unhappy at this turn of events. She wasn't quite sure how she was going to pull this off.

Elizabeth walked into Lucas's room. His eyes were closed, which Elizabeth was actually grateful for. His color was a little better, and his breathing did not seem as fast. She sat down on the chair beside his bed, as she did, Lucas opened his eyes and turned to the sound. He smiled when he saw her.

"Elizabeth, I've been waiting for you." He said with a hoarse tone to his voice. He reached out his hand to her. Elizabeth took his hand. "I've missed you. I'm so sorry if I scared you." Elizabeth smiled at him.

"I'm just glad that you're going to be fine. Dr. Donovan said she told you that you won the election. You're our new governor." She tried to sound happy.

"I guess so, my mind is still a little jumbled. I wish I could remember who shot me. I remember walking out of the campaign office, it was raining and someone was walking toward me, and then it goes blank. I'm just glad you weren't with me. I can't seem to remember you being here with me in Capital City while I was campaigning. When I try to remember, all I get is this lonely cold feeling." He said weakly.

"Lucas…, she trailed off, unsure what to say next, "do you remember getting on the train to leave for Capital City three weeks ago?" She asked timidly.

Lucas closed his eyes for a long moment, and tried to conjure up the night he left. "We were waiting to board the train and you were telling me that Hope Valley is your home and you didn't want to leave. You wanted to raise your son there not in the big city."

He opened his eyes and turned to look at her, "I never wanted this either, Elizabeth, a bigger stage. I told you once that you were my adventure, my passion and I meant that. I love you; I love our life in Hope Valley, that has always been my dream too." He said with an almost pleading tone in his voice.

Lucas started coughing, "Could I…could I have a drink of water, please?" Elizabeth took the cup off the table and held it up to Lucas lips for him to sip.

"Maybe you should stop talking for a bit," Elizabeth suggested.

"No, I want to tell you this," he said once his coughing subsided. "I want to help the people of Hope Valley and the surrounding communities but not at the expense of you and me. It's only four years, Elizabeth, we can go back and forth to Hope Valley all the time. You'll see, the time will fly by." As Lucas looked at her, he saw something in her eyes. He paused and closed his eyes as the puzzle pieces started to fall back into place.

"Lucas are you alright?" Elizabeth asked quietly.

After another long moment, he opened his eyes again, "But…but you told me that you don't love me and never really did." He paused once again, as the realization of what happened at the train station become crystal clear in his mind.

"You used me to hide from what you think you really want and were too afraid to go after. You want me to save your home but you're not willing to do it with me. I'm dispensable to you. How am I doing? Have I remembered it all correctly?" He said sarcastically.

"Lucas, please. It's not like that." She said to him pleadingly.

"Then please tell me, Elizabeth, how is it?" He asked as his breathing became more labored and he felt extremely dizzy.

"I didn't want to break again and you were a safe choice. A kind man I loved just not the way I loved Jack or…." She stopped herself

"Or who?" he asked.

"Lucas I don't think we should talk about this anymore, you don't look well and your breathing is erratic. She told him concerned. He didn't respond. Elizabeth got up and went out into the hall. She saw Dr. Donovan coming out of another patient's room. "Dr. Donovan, come quick something is wrong with Lucas."

MaKayla ran to Lucas's room. As she entered, she could see he was having a hard time breathing. "Lucas, it's OK. I got you." She checked his pulse; his heart rate was out of control. She took his blood pressure, which was down to 80/50. MaKayla turned to Elizabeth, "What happened?" She said crossly.

Elizabeth looked at her bewildered, "we were talking and he got upset…" MaKayla stared at Elizabeth with pure contempt, then ran out to the nurse's station.

"Jane, tell the lab I need the AB negative blood I set aside this morning in the governor's room, also I need a syringe of morphine, 4mg/ml, STAT." MaKayla returned to Lucas's room and sat by his side.

"It's Ok Lucas, everything is going to be fine." She told him gently.

She took his hand in hers and began to gently massage the point between the thumb and index finger. His eyes were closed and his skin was cold and clammy. A few minutes later the nurse entered the room with the bottle containing the blood to be transfused.

MaKayla turned to look at Elizabeth, "Please leave. Now!" Elizabeth hesitated for just a moment but did as she was asked. MaKayla expertly set up for the transfusion and then gave Lucas the shot of morphine.

"Jane, please stay with Governor Bouchard till I return." She told the nurse.

MaKayla, went out into the hall. "What were you talking to him about?" Elizabeth stared back at her in utter dismay. "Answer me! What were you talking about?" She demanded.

"Is he OK?" Elizabeth swallowed hard as MaKayla stared her down. "I was trying to get him to remember back to when he left for Capital City. He was fine and then started coughing. I gave him some water and his coughing stopped but then he couldn't catch his breath…I didn't…" MaKayla interrupted her.

"You didn't what Elizabeth? Think he would be upset? I asked you not to bring up the night you broke your engagement to him. But you just had to make sure he didn't get the wrong idea as to why you're here. You may have just killed him! Leave this hospital, right now! Lucas will not be having any more visitors today." MaKayla walked away leaving Elizabeth to just stare at her blankly.

xxxxxxxxxx

Bill was sitting in the hotel lobby reading the morning paper when he looked up to see Elizabeth coming into the hotel. It was obvious she was upset and had been crying. Bill immediately got up and went to her.

"Elizabeth, what's wrong? Did something happen to Lucas?" He asked nervously. Elizabeth did not response right away. Bill led her over to the sofa to sit down.

"When I got to the hospital Dr. Donovan was waiting for me." Elizabeth told him between sobs. "Lucas regained consciousness last night but his mind is somewhat foggy and he didn't remember about my breaking off our engagement. She asked me not to bring it up, to let him remember on his own. I just thought if I helped him remember that would be OK, but suddenly he couldn't breathe and I don't know, everything happened so fast. She said I might have killed him. Oh Bill, what have I done?" She sobbed into his arms.

Bill was not entirely sure what was happening, but surmised that it was not good. "Let's get you up to your room. I will call the hospital in a little while to find out how Lucas is. Let's give Dr. Donovan time to assess his condition. I am sure she did not mean what she said." He told her calmly but was feeling anything but.

Bill was perplexed as to why Elizabeth would do the direct opposite of what the doctor had asked of her but right now Elizabeth was his priority and Lucas was Dr. Donovan's.

MaKayla was once again sitting by Lucas's bedside. It was five o'clock in the afternoon. Thankfully his blood pressure was coming out of the danger zone and his breathing and heart rate were much better as well. She gently pushed the stray hair out of his eyes, it just simply did not want to stay in place. At her touch, Lucas started to stir. He opened his eyes and gazed at the woman before him. "MaKayla."

She smiled at him, "Welcome back, Governor. You had me worried." She said with relief.

"Sorry, I didn't mean too." He said softly.

"Can you tell me what happened?" She asked

Lucas thought about it for a minute, "Elizabeth and I were talking. She asked me if I remembered the night that I left Hope Valley to come here. At first it was pretty fuzzy, but as I was talking to her, I don't know the fog started to lift and it all came back to me in a rush. She didn't want me; she had been using me for her own selfish reasons and…." MaKayla stopped him, as she put her finger to his lips to quiet him.

"No more of that, I get the picture. I don't want you to get upset again. I told Elizabeth to go back to her hotel and wait there. Bill Avery has called several times today checking on your condition. I told him I would call him when your condition has improved. Elizabeth would like to see you, but I told him that decision would be up to you. He will call tomorrow morning and I can let him know what you decided." She looked at him trying to gauge his response but something told her that he was good at concealing his true feelings if needed.

xxxxxxxxxx

The next morning MaKayla went to check on Lucas. "Good morning," she said brightly. "How are you feeling?"

He smiled up at her, "Better. Actually, I'm hungry. Do you think I could have something to eat?" He asked.

"That's a good sign," she smiled, "but let me check your vitals first." When she was finished, MaKayla was pleased with the improvement that he had made overnight. "Your vital signs are better this morning. Your reward sir, is breakfast." She looked at him tentatively, "Do you also want me to call Elizabeth and Bill Avery and let them know that you are up for visitors later this morning?"

Lucas was anxious to see Elizabeth. He had somethings he wanted to say to her. "Yes, that would be fine. Thank you."

"Ok, let me go see about getting you something to eat and making that call. But before I do, there is something I need to tell you." She said with some trepidation. "Lucas, I know we haven't known each other very long or that well but I am very protective of my patients. Yesterday your former fiancée made me mad. Really mad." She grimaced as she said this. "And well, I may have been harsh with her. I kind of threw her out of the hospital." MaKayla said with gritted teeth waiting for his response.

Lucas looked at her and burst into laughter, "You threw her out of the hospital? Don't make me laugh, it hurts." He told her trying to suppress his laughter.

"Well not physically. I mean, I may have implied if she didn't leave, I would have someone else physically toss her out. I am not normally like that. Honestly Lucas, I understand that she knows you better than I do, but she really annoys me. She did the direct opposite of what I told her and well, she endangered your life and…."

This time it was Lucas that put a finger to her lips, "No more of that, I get the picture," he said and winked at her. "And thank you for caring. It means more to me than you can know. Now how about that breakfast." He said with a dimpled grin.

"My pleasure, Governor." She told him.

xxxxxxxxxx

MaKayla took as deep breathe as she saw Elizabeth and Bill walking towards her. "Good afternoon," she said to both of them. "I wanted to speak with you before you saw Lucas. He is doing much better this afternoon. I'm hopeful that he has turned the corner." She told them with a smile.

"However, I do not want him upset." She stated firmly. "He decides where the conversation goes, not either of you. Have I made myself completely clear?" They both nodded in agreement.

"One other thing, Elizabeth, I owe you an apology for yesterday. I do not normally treat the friends of my patients in such a harsh matter but you completely ignored my advice. I could have handled it better, but I was terrified in that moment for Lucas's life. I don't think you understand how close we came to losing him." She told them.

Elizabeth bowed her head, then steeled herself to look the doctor in the eye, "Dr. Donovan, I am the one who owes you an apology. I panicked over having to have that conversation with Lucas a second time and I was only thinking I just wanted it out there. I realize now how selfish I was and I assure you that in no way will that today."

Bill looked at both women. Dr. Donovan was no shrinking violet that was for sure, he thought. For her to be a surgeon in a man's world she needed to be tough. Elizabeth on the other hand had become fearful and seemed to have taken so many steps backward in her grief journey since Jack Sr.'s death. He was not sure how to help her going forward but he knew for certain that breaking things off with Lucas was in the end going to be the biggest mistake of her life. But for now, his thoughts were focused on what Lucas remembered about the night of his shooting.

He shook his head before saying, "Ok ladies, now that we have that settled. Can we see Lucas?" He asked briskly.

As they entered Lucas's room, both were surprised to see him slightly propped up in bed and awake. He smiled at both of them as they came in. "Good afternoon. Thank you both for coming." He said warmly.

Elizabeth was surprised to see him in such good spirits. Her first thought was that he had forgotten about their disastrous conversation of yesterday and her heart sank.

Lucas turned his attention to Bill. "Bill, first I want to thank you for accompanying Elizabeth on her trip here. Second, do you have any word on who my assailant is?"

"You're welcome, Lucas or should I call you Governor?" He asked him with a wry smile.

Lucas chuckled softly, "No, Lucas is just fine. Afterall, I haven't even been sworn in yet."

"I have been working with the Mountie investigation team while I've been here. So far, there are no leads. Everyone was hoping that once you regained consciousness you could tell us who did this." He said with chagrin.

"Sadly, I apparently hit my head quite hard when I fell. That night is currently lost to me." As he touched the large bruise on his forehead. "All I remember is walking out of my campaign office and then nothing." He said gloomily.

Bill nodded, seeing the very large black and blue covering the right side of his forehead. "I know they are putting together a task force of Mountie's to continue the investigation until they have it solved. I believe Nathan will be joining the task force since he is familiar with your comings and goings in Hope Valley. They will get the person or persons responsible. You can rest assure Lucas."

"Thank you, Bill. I'm sure someone will keep me updated on the progress. Now if you don't mind, I would like to speak to Elizabeth alone." Bill looked at Elizabeth and willed her to remember what the doctor had told both of them. Bill shook Lucas's hand and left the room.

Elizabeth and Lucas just stared at each other for a long moment. Elizabeth finally broke the tension, "You look much better than yesterday. Are you feeling better?" She asked him quietly.

"Yes, thank you. My pounding headache has finally subsided and my mind is much clearer than it has been in days." Elizabeth smiled at this. "For starters I assure you I am perfectly aware that we are no longer engaged so you don't have to be concerned with saying something inappropriate to upset me." He gave her a weak smile hoping that it would relax her.

"Do you remember two years ago, I came to your house, it was late evening. I told you that love is not just an emotion, it's an act of will. It can't be demanded. It can't be forced. I told you that I wanted, no needed you to find your true love and in order to do that I was setting you free." Elizabeth gazed at him, and shook her head yes as the tears she was holding back threaten to betray her emotions.

"I did that because I sensed you still had feelings for Nathan. I gave you time and distance to follow your heart. I was willing to leave Hope Valley to let you be with Nathan with no interference from me. I was willing to do that because I loved you that much." Elizabeth could no longer hold his gaze; she was being overwhelmed by sadness and guilt.

"I left once before that; hoping to find clarity for myself and hopefully for you too. For me I came back from my trip to Grand Isle knowing that I loved you with everything that I was. I wanted a life with you and Jack. I wanted a family, a wife, a place that I could call home. I never once pressured you; I was as patient as I knew how to be." He said with frustration.

"When we met at our bridge, and you had taken off Jack's rings, I believed that meant that you loved me too, that I was now to be your home. I told you I would wait as long as I had to win the heart of my soulmate and when you said, "yes, to it all," when I proposed, I thought I had." He looked at her with pain and unshed tears.

"I gave you every opportunity to choose the man you wanted to be with and you lead me to believe that I was that man. Hell, Nathan came to me and told me that you said you were not in love with him, that he believed your heart had always been with me. How foolish I look now." He said shaking his head in disbelief at all that happened between them.

Lucas paused, looking at her hoping to see in her eyes the woman that held his heart. But in that moment, he knew that the Elizabeth that he had loved was gone from him. He didn't think it was possible but yet his heart had shattered once again.

"To know that you let me fall deeper and deeper in love with you. To think of Jack as my son. To plan a life together, is the greatest betrayal of all. I once told you that your happiness was the most important thing to me and it is. I wish you all the happiness in the world, Elizabeth. Even if it is with Nathan. I will not try to win you back or interfere in your life. I sincerely hope you have found what you have been looking for." Lucas paused again as the emotion he was feeling was causing his head to pound and his heart to race again. He willed himself to continue.

"I hope for my sake, that time will indeed heal the deep sorrow and loss that has shattered my world and my trust in people. I appreciate you coming to Capital City, I really do. But your presence is not needed. I have been alone my whole life and it's a cold lonely feeling but one I know well. I too know loss, perhaps not in the same way that you have experienced it but I think today has given me a pretty good idea of what you have felt at having lost Jack. I appreciate you listening and letting me have my say. Hopefully someday, we can be friends again. Go back to Hope Valley, live the life that you always wanted. Be happy and tell my little Buddy that I will always love him. Goodbye Elizabeth."

Lucas gazed deep into her eyes one last time, then closed his eyes, trying desperately to shut out the emotion that was threatening to overwhelm him.

Elizabeth gazed at his handsome face for a long moment. The memories running through her mind. She finally stood and continued to stare at the man she had loved, a good, kind, decent man who only wanted to give her the world. She was deeply sorry for the pain her callous selfish behavior had inflicted on him. She did not know how to ease his pain.

"I'm going to go now," Elizabeth said softly, hoping he would open his eyes, but unfortunately, he didn't. "I hope that you find the great love that you so richly deserve. Be happy Lucas. When you are ready, I would like to be your friend again because you are and will always be mine." She leaned down and kissed him gently on the forehead. She walked out of the room and leaned against the wall and let the tears fall. On the other side of the wall, Lucas did the same.

xxxxxxxxxx

MaKayla kept herself busy at the nurses' station not wanting to be far if she was needed. When she saw Elizabeth leave Lucas's room, she hesitated as to what to do. Her curiosity and concern won out and she approached Elizabeth as she neared the nursing station.

"Is everything OK?" she asked gently. Elizabeth looked at her, the tears shining in her eyes.

"No, but hopefully it will be with time. Dr. Donovan, Lucas will push everyone away, he will build a fortress around his heart. I can tell that you care for him. Please stay close, be there to help him. He believes he doesn't need anyone but he will." Elizabeth gave a sad smile and walked away

MaKayla watched as she left. She wrestled with herself, should she go to Lucas? She decided to head to his room. As she looked in, she saw his tear-stained cheeks. His eyes were closed, perhaps he was sleeping or what was probably more the case he was telling the world to stay away. Oh Lucas, she thought to herself, I have walked in your shoes and I am going to do everything I can to help you come out from under the heavy blanket of loss that you feel. I promise. But for right now I will leave you to your memories.