TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of child neglect, domestic violence, alcoholism, and BPD splitting symptoms. I've marked "***" as a way to bypass the descriptive section without interrupting the story's flow.

Chapter Seventeen: Mr. Brightside

"Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes, 'cause I'm Mr. Brightside"

"Hark! Our heroine of the times has returned!" The portrait of Joan of Arc cried, raising her sword as the other pictures rejoiced in my presence once more entering the living space within my chambers. I raised my eyebrows to the women in their portraits hanging about within my room, taking in the women's expressions that were placed strategically on the walls. Taking a few more steps within my room I motioned with my wand for the luggage to levitate its way to my bedroom door.

"At long last you've returned to us, Selini Maeve Thorne!" Lady Godiva, sitting perched upon her golden white horse, with her flowing mane of hair covering most of her body, had turned her horse around to smile brightly at me.

"You'll find that the house elves have tended to keep the room clean," Catherine the Great stated while lifting her chin. "Unlike yourself—which I find troublesome you didn't pack us away on your travels!"

I smiled and held up my hands to the women in my room. "I apologize, ladies. I've been preoccupied with some important tasks. We'll be able to catch up for quite some time, now." I walked over to the desk stationed across from the love seat that was adjacent to one of two fireplaces within the chambers. I went to put my wand down along with the picture that Sirius had presented me, putting it on top of letters I had received through this last year that were neatly stacked.

"Yes, the Egyptian Queen told us you were in contemplation of a great war!" Catherine the Great explained while looking over toward the portrait of Cleopatra who didn't pay any mind to us, and simply groomed herself within the handheld mirror. "I must say, Miss Thorne, I'm rather offended you didn't come to someone like me first—"

"Or me!" Joan of Arc added.

I looked over to Cleopatra who took a moment glance at my direction and gave her cunning smile before resuming her grooming in her hand mirror.

"I suspect you all have something to say in regards to that?" I turned back to the others, hands on my hips.

"Yes, particularly the safety of our portraits," Marie Laveau, adjusting her hair wrap, chimed in.

"We're also concerned about your tactics, and what you plan to do about the situation," Anne Boleyn, hanging next to her preferred spot next to Lady Godiva, spoke up. "You gave us nothing in how your involvement in this affects you, but according to the Egyptian ruler it sounded crucial."

"And you all must've felt like you had a say in what I do, and waited until I walked through the door to bombard me?"

"Yes!" The unison of several paintings was heard causing me to take a step back. Blinking I realized I underestimated how invested these women would be, and almost wished they were Muggle paintings instead. I had enough on my plate as it was to sit and be berated by magical paintings.

"I assure you the livelihood of your existent within your frames is safeguarded," I stated with a small chuckle while walking over to stand in the middle of the room, a few inches off thanks to the small coffee table that was placed there. "There's no safer place than hanging on the walls of this castle."

"Well, then that brings us to the other issue at hand," Catherine the Great continued, raising her scepter and raising her eyebrows. "Child, I hope I don't repeat myself on such a topic."

"Heavens, don't make her!" Lady Godiva urgently interjected, and as serious as she was, earned snickers or agreeances from the other women.

I sighed while running a hand through my hair and decided it was best to start from the beginning. Taking the time to explain the situation without divulging too much proved tedious when answering the probing questions. It seemed the consensus was split between the paintings with their own ideas of what to do, and their opinions. Anne Boleyn thought running away within the night would be the best option, siding with Cleopatra if the odds weren't in my favor. Catherine the Great and Joan of Arc seemed to have the idea that to fight until the death was more honorable with the former pointing out the aspect that I knew I would do all I could to succeed. Marie Leveau thought that I should use the knowledge of old magic, maybe even darker magic, to gain an advantage over our enemy. This was the controversial idea, as per usual to a lot of her answers. The problem with that is that her usual asinine advice proved worthy, or even a better solution than the others offered. Lady Godiva thought a more political stance could be involved, regardless of the help of the Ministry, that rebelling to take a stance for what was true needed to be showcased. Even if that meant being less of a sleuth, and more vocal. All of which was vexing to hear as if it weren't thoughts and feelings I didn't just spend the last several months contemplating.

"Well, what about your comrades? What do they have to say about this—specifically, sunny woman you bring around?" Joan of Arc asked, her irritation growing with my own.

"I want to hear what that tall, mysterious, and frightening man has to think about this!" Lady Godiva proclaimed while earning a polite, but bashful giggle from Anne Boleyn.

"If there's anything we should learn from history, it's that the value of a man's opinion is rarely ever needed, but unfortunately always valued!" Catherine the Great chimed in earning a 'hear, hear!' from Joan of Arc.

Blinking, I gathered myself enough to speak. "Aurora's by my side… she's ever the optimist, and while I can also look on the brighter side, I know she never saw what it was like back then." I looked down as my tone lost its confidence.

"Perhaps she needs an understanding then? Without the knowledge of the enemy, you can't expect to win anything." Joan of Arc answered.

"Perhaps you're right…" I hoped that my words would satiate her enough to move on.

"Look at her," Cleopatra spoke up after remaining silent for most of the conversation and grabbing everyone's attention. "Avoiding the question pertaining to the man's opinion—Catherine, you may not care much about such a notion, but don't you find it interesting how she's determined to only give us small, or no, answers about him? Weren't you squirming about what he thought of you not that long ago, Moonlight?" Cleopatra's sly smile played unabashedly as she waved her hand mirror at me.

Narrowing my eyes I licked my lips before finding my nails to pick at once more. "His name is Severus, and…" Sighing in frustration I carried on. "If it were his choice he'd have me leaving as soon as possible—but, that's not feasible! We'd be putting ourselves at risk with no other protection, outside of the knowledge of what was happening. Not to mention it sounds like the Death Eaters are recruiting foreign help."

"This Severus," Marie Leveau spoke, "was the man who came here to escort you to that ball, was he not?"

I nodded.

"What is his position in this war?" She pushed.

I hesitated before answering. "He plays a major role, to say the least… probably one of the most important."

"Yet, you do not heed his warning," Marie concluded.

"It's more complicated than that," I explained. "He—He wants to protect me."

"Oh, how chivalrous of him!" Lady Godiva mused.

"So, you find it wise to go against your protector?" Marie said. "Or, you have a death wish."

I shook my head. "It's not like that! I'm… I'm just in a position where leaving and hiding isn't in the best interest of those around me!"

I watched as she nodded, contemplating something she did not feel to comment on while pouting her lips and raising her eyebrows to look away.

"Look, this is far too complicated for me to go over—once again—my position on where I stand. It's rather frankly old news, and I have other things to attend to."

I didn't let the others stop me as I walked to put my trunk away within my room, setting my wand down on the bedside table, and promptly made my way out of my chambers. My actions didn't silence most of them, and after a few versions of 'she's just ignoring us, again' and 'stubborn as always' from the women I decided that I needed some space from my rather chatty portraits.

I escaped back into the halls of the castle and let out a frustrated sigh. It seemed like there was nowhere safe from tough conversations, or constant contemplation of my movies. It wasn't that I didn't cherish the advice of these powerful, fierce, and remarkable women, but I couldn't stomach another round of others thinking they knew what would be better for me. It was already decided, and there was no room for anything else to think about. I had an assignment from Dumbledore now, and while he was slowly becoming a less-than-desirable ally, I knew what he had asked of me was important enough for our cause. It was important enough to try and have an advantage in this war, and that importance melted into the protection of my loved ones.

With the feeling of the weight of the world falling upon my shoulders, in this moment I wanted nothing more than to finally be wrapped within the presence of the Potion Master. We were finally under the same roof where it was large enough to sneak away and hide together, to not have to restrain our affections for each other, and to finally feel his touch. It was enough motivation for me to kick off the door and start walking in the direction of the stairway down to the dungeons. I had reached the top of the stairs when I spotted the figure in black attire minus his robes, the inky-black hair, and eyes as dark as the void of Severus Snape stopping mid-stride at the bottom of the stairs.

I smiled brightly at him as my impatience grew. However, he knew I was here, whatever gave him the clear that I was finally within the castle, mattered very little to me at that moment. Beckoning him to follow me with a movement of my hand I receded my steps back to my chamber doors, the sound of his shoes making their quick steps up the staircase, and with a final look back to him I watched as he followed me with his own smile on his face.

I stepped aside to let him as I opened the door, and followed quickly before throwing the door close, turning to immediately find myself within his arms in a tight embrace. Wrapping my arms around him it felt as if the worries, the patience of making it through a lonely summer had finally paid off. The warmth of his body was a comfort I had missed, the frame I had yearned for and often daydreamed of held me at last. His earthy, and crisp scent of eucalyptus and smoke cologne was welcomed as I inhaled deeply. To feel his breathing, the weight of his body on mine, and his lips on the top of my head was heaven on Earth.

I lifted to look at those dark eyes that showed a softer side to me that I ached for. I lifted to kiss his lips softly, gentle but thoughtful in how much I had longed to be in this position with him. His hands had fallen slowly to settle on my lower back, pressing me closer to his body. I lifted my hands to rest them both on his chest and allowed our kiss to deepen into a starving need to satiate, his velvety tongue licking the bottom of my lip for access, and I greatly accepted.

'Peace at last,' I thought to myself as a smile slipped within the kiss, a small giggle escaping between the interlock. After enjoying each other's passionate embrace and the taste of each other's lips I had to pull away for air, and hated that oxygen had deprived me of what I craved more than air. Our sights lingered on each other, mine taking in his features like I had done for so long before he broke the comfortable silence.

"Finally," His low tone that seethed lacked seriousness and came off more playful. "I was beginning to think you'd lost your way to the castle."

I laughed while shaking my head. "Keeping tabs on me, are you?" I teased, "Molly wanted to celebrate our newest prefects," I tilted my head to the side. "Who am I to stop the celebrations?"

"I found myself impatient with your arrival if I'm being honest," He answered, tilting his head to the side ever so slightly while squinting his eyes just as lightly. "A professor," The silky words took their time as he lifted a hand to run his fingers through my hair before they found their way to rest under my chin, his thumb running along my lower lip causing a shiver to run quickly through my spine. "Should be more accommodating to their responsibilities."

A smile slowly spread across my lips that instinctually I bit. "Oh, how dare I, then?" I lifted myself on my toes to lean forward into his ear to whisper tentatively, "Maybe I ought to be punished for such insubordination," I started to pepper small kisses on his neck to allow the purr of my words to leave its suggestive mark, and earning a small moan of pleasure. "What do you think… professor?"

A chuckle that sounded strangely like a growl was heard before he started to push me toward the middle of my living space, his hands coming to grip my hips aggressively onto his and kissing me with a hunger I understood all too well. The impulse to grind upon his body was met with eager reciprocity, and to my delight, I could feel the bulge of his excitement. It was a sort of passionate dance of ripping off clothing, more frantic than coordinated that allowed a moment of laughing in our haste. We made our way across the living space to my bedroom taking the time to kiss his lips that trailed down his neck, a few small bites that left him shivering each time ventured further down his chest.

My teasing must've been enough to stir playful irritation from him as he picked me up rather suddenly, and without much effort had thrown me onto the soft bed. I beamed at him through panting and small whimpers as he slowly made his way up my body, trailing hungry kisses that turned into little bites upon my breasts. His hands had pushed my arms above my head and synched with the trailing kisses up my chest, collarbone, neck, and finally to my lips as he pinned my wrists together.

The tension had faded away as soon as I felt him enter me, a cry of ecstasy escaping with the heated thrusting. The hot breath between our faces, Severus stopping just to flip me over and presume our intercourse once more, an aggressive display of yearning by grabbing the back of my hair and pulling me upward while his other hand came to clamp and knead my breast. Through half-lidded eyes I let the waves of pleasure roll through me with each thrust and lifted myself more to look behind me. I needed to see this indulgence in the darkness of his eyes and was not disappointed to witness them. His hand released my hair to grab my throat, lifting me just a bit more in order to give a messy and famished kiss. This physical display held a connection and understanding that the words 'I missed you' could not simply affirm the depth. The blur of passion between us was rougher than our previous times and enough to drive me mad with hedonism.

Neither of us lasted long, but that didn't take away from the heat of our time together. Collapsing upon my bed he soon followed Severus, gasping for breath nearly in rhythm with myself. Laying together I finally found enough peace that the worries of the summer, the lack of being able to express my care, my need for him had melted away. In this room, there were no Death Eaters, no Dark Lord, or the Order of the Phoenix. There was no one trying to swindle me of their love when the man next to me had shown me so much of it, I had no fear within my heart that I had made the right choices. The beat of his heart had slowed as his hand came to run the tips of his fingers through my hair. I was so lost in the moment of rubbing little circles, and hearts with my fingertip on his chest that it was enough to allow me to slip into a slumber that felt so safe to fall into.

)))(((

The buzzing and rattling of wood woke me from my otherwise peaceful sleep. Groggy, and far too comfortable, I stirred while opening my eyes to the the sun peaking out through the window. Realizing where I was, and who I should've found in my bed, I looked over to see the empty space where Severus would've been.

"Severus?" I called out waiting for some type of answer that never came. If it weren't for the aching within my body I would've almost thought I had made up the wondrous time I had spent with him last night. I pushed myself up and held my covers to my chest for some type of modesty that seemed irrelevant within the empty room, and wondered when he had left without so much as waking me to tell me.

'Maybe he needed to get back to his chambers, and didn't want to wake me.' I rationalized, but even then, something about waking up alone after spending so much time away from him made my chest hurt. I know our duties were important within Hogwarts, and I knew just because we were in the castle that didn't mean we could be out and about as freely as I'd like to. It still felt colder knowing he was gone before I could see him, hold him once more, before starting our day. Shaking off the feeling as best as I could, I reached over to wave my wand to stop the enchanted alarm and braved the chill of the room to reach for my robe that hung from a hook on my bedroom door. Sliding on my robe as quickly as possible I headed out into my living space to find it just as empty as my bedroom with disappointment. In the wake of finding no Severus Snape within my living space, I noticed that my letters, and the picture Sirius gave me, had been moved. It looked as if it were hastily put back, but not with much proper care. A grimace on my face as I found a piece of parchment that didn't belong to the pile from before. Walking over I picked up the parchment with shaky fingers I wasn't sure what to think, but the feeling that lingered did not settle the queasy sensation in my stomach.

'Selini,

I did not want to leave you like this, but I had pressing matters to attend to in the morning. Forgive me for not waking you. You seemed at peace, and I didn't want to disrupt that. I'd like to see you again at some point today, and hope you'll excuse my abrupt dismissal enough to do so.

SS'

I re-read the note once more before, and while it seemed to reassure me of my previous worries, I couldn't help the wonder why my letters, and the picture, were disturbed. It's not like he would've woken up and gone straight there to read them. We were quite busy with each other for him to of noticed anything like that.

"Well," The purr of the familiar voice of Cleopatra pulled me from my thoughts, "What did he say?" The ever-early riser was the only one awake again, and quite frankly I wasn't fully awake to deal with her banter and sarcasm.

"Did you see him leave?" I spun around to ask, "Did he… well, how did he act?"

"He wrote his little note first," She used her hand mirror to point toward my hand, "and then he noticed the little picture," She pointed to the picture, "Then he pilfered through the letters, and left." She explained while raising her mirror. Her full attention was on me, her head propped up by one hand looking bored. "I will say he did not look happy after reading those letters, Moonlight. Not as happy as he looked last night, at least… who are they from?"

Swallowing but finding it difficult as my throat went dry, I knew what those letters said, but regardless of them already being read I took the time to re-read the letters. With the understanding that Severus had read Sirius's words, my stomach dropped with each one. There was no way he couldn't find something within them that would feed the years-long loathing of my ex within the letters. Cursing loudly, I wasn't sure what to do first. Forgo my duties and immediately go to Severus or do my best to act like this didn't send a horror-stricken panic through my body.

"He doesn't even know my replies—if he read those then he'd understand!" I thought to myself out loud while pacing through the living space.

'Would he? That first letter had some incriminating flirting.'

"Severus and I weren't even together, let alone knowing how we felt for each other," I argued with myself. Growling in frustration I stood spread eagle and held my hands up. I couldn't work myself up just yet and took several deep breaths to ease my anxiety. I knew I'd have to talk to him, to explain this and we could move forward.

"Moonlight," Cleopatra called me to her attention once more. "Are you having one of your moments, again?"

"Please, not right now." I waved her off and went to force myself ready for today.

)))(((

"I don't know Maeve; I honestly think you need to talk to him as soon as possible." Aurora waved her wand to push back more of the desks that had been left out from last years end of the year written exam. Turning to me she had put her hands on her hips. "He's bound to take it the wrong way, and festering on that can't be good for his health!" She shrugged, "Circe knows he's already so… sardonic."

I had been trying to use my abilities through this cleaning process, and with some luck, it was working well. It wasn't until we started talking about this predicament that I was having trouble using it and resorted to my wand with more disappointment that only added to my aggravation. Sighing, I sent one more Scourgify to take care of the higher shelving areas, and stacking more chairs together as they levitated back against the wall.

"He didn't even look at me at the staff meeting, either… Gods, I hate Sirius!" I whirled around to face my friend who jumped at the sudden outburst. "He's done nothing but ignored my boundaries, blatantly disrespected those boundaries, and—and used his stupid, pathetic charm to make me feel weird about him! I fucking hate him!" During my ranting I had waved my hand, and with the last sentence expressing my feelings I hadn't realized that my red energy had flared and sent a sphere of energy crashing into the chairs behind me. The clattering of the chairs shocked me enough to realize my hands were glowing the scarlet red color, and the shriek from Aurora caused a flare of self-conscious embarrassment.

"Oh, I'm sorry–"

"It's okay, it's fine!" Aurora rushed to assure me as she conjured Reparo to fix the damage of the chairs, and a few more charms to clean up before organizing them once more. "... Maeve, what about a cord-cutting ritual?"

I looked at her with confusion. "Are you talking about old magic?"

"Yes, of course, but maybe that could help with your feelings. I could even help you set it up, and Sirius wouldn't have that influence over you. It might even make him less inclined to try and pursue you."

Aurora had always been fascinated with older forms of magic, taking a more ritualistic approach to bigger spells and diving deep into the depths of whatever knowledge she could study. A cord-cutting, as she had explained before, was severing the tie between two people for whatever the situation needed. I had only heard of her speaking about it once before when it came to a rather tumultuous relationship she had before she met me. Her results were quick and successful, but I wasn't anywhere near experienced the way she was. I wondered if the success rate for my own situation would be affected by her help, but I had to admit the idea was incredibly tempting. Aurora took a few steps and put her hands on my shoulders, looking at me with genuine, and spoke with a critical tone.

"Before you do that, I really think you need to say fuck all to this cleaning and go make sure Severus is okay… and be honest with him."

"You really think I need to tell him everything?" I questioned in a small voice,

"He's not going to be happy about it, I can assume that much," She looked to the side, nodding her head before looking back to me, "If you're completely open with him, there's no way for him to doubt where your loyalty lies. He'll know that it's been him you've chosen time, and time, again."

I looked at Aurora for a moment, nodding to her words before throwing my arms around her in a much needed, and received hug. She patted my back and rubbed circles to try and ease me as best as she could.

"You'll be okay?" I asked before pulling away.

"Of course, most of this stuff is taken care of anyway. Go!" She pulled away while giving me her sweet, and caring smile.

Making my way down to the dungeons I felt sicker than I had hours before. Constantly scolded myself while also trying to prepare what I needed to say, stopping ever so often to breathe deeply. What didn't help was running into the Bloody Baron who only tilted his head at me while looking me up and down before zooming away. A slight from a ghost wasn't helping me to keep my calm and only made me want to forgo what I must do. I wasn't though; I had every intention of making sure things were still good between me and Severus, and I wasn't going to let my nervousness get in the way of that. I even fought with myself the closer I got. What exactly should I be nervous about if I knew I didn't do anything wrong?

As I walked down the corridor of the dungeons and found the very familiar door to Severus's classroom, my pep talk did little to simmer my nerves. I'd have to brave this as shaky as I felt, and clearing my throat a couple of times I realized this would be harder than I thought. I hoped that I wasn't intruding in his preparations and that this was an adequate time to see him. Although knowing him he probably had them all taken care of by this time.

Instead of building up the tension even more I simply knocked on the door and waited for a grumpy acknowledgment that came after a moment's pause. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door to the potions classroom. The same darkened ambiance within the room hadn't changed since the last time I was here, and I looked around to see that the classroom was prepped, spotless, and ready for the children to return for the term. I was able to immediately see Severus by the potion racks. It looked like he was stocking the ingredients by the multitude of vials filled with bright blue, water substance that was lined on a cart.

His eyes locked with mine, pausing his movements before looking away to resume his duties. The same colder tone from our staff meeting had returned, and it made me hold my stomach to try and ease the sickly feeling.

"Afternoon," His tone did not suggest that the afternoon wasn't good, and the hint of dejectedness was clear.

"Afternoon," I replied while slowly making my way up to him. Swallowing the silence was only filled by the clinks of glass being settled upon the shelf of ingredients. "I got your letter… I was wondering if this was a bad time to talk?"

"Talk," He grumbled as his motions of organizing the vials quickened and setting them down a bit more roughly than before, "Yes, let's talk. Let's discuss a subject that I didn't think I'd have to speak any more about with you. That flea-bag mutt that you've been talking to, for starters."

Severus did not stop his work as he spoke, but his ire was quickly growing at the mention of Sirius. I swallowed while looking down with the feeling of this whole summer being an entire mistake and regretting a lot of missed opportunities to fight Sirius more fiercely. Even if the reference was toward a time, when I would've thought those letters were harmless, it only fueled my aggravation for Sirius. I was starting to wonder whether my anger for him had a threshold at this point.

"... And, what about him?" Was the only thing I could think to say, staring and picking at my nails.

"Am I out of line to ask if there are still feelings for him, Selini?" Severus looked at me as he completely stopped working. His tone was grave, firm, and direct in a way that I could only imagine him using on the students who committed the worst of failures within his class. The way the words cut through me was trounced overall.

I only looked toward his hands afraid of Severus's mind magic giving him an answer I couldn't explain. The idea of being completely open like Aurora had suggested was starting to seem more worrying, but even with my emotions frazzled, I knew it had to be the better option. I wouldn't lie to Severus, nor would I deceive him, but I had wished this didn't feel like I was admitting to something that easily deceitful. Shaking my head I closed my eyes.

"I think… after apparently reading those letters, I can see how fair it is to ask," I started while moving my hands to try and figure out my words. "I don't have romantic feelings for him, Severus. I've been done with him for so long," I opened my eyes to stare downward. "Those letters were from earlier last year, anyway. It—It was before us. It was the first I had heard from him—"

"Yet," He interrupted, "Something about the way you're acting right now doesn't convince me wholeheartedly." He rounded the cart that held the potion ingredients, his hand guiding him as they touched the vials. I could feel his eyes burning through me as I looked away from his intimidating presence. "You can't even look me in the eye—"

"Because I don't want you to get the wrong impression, or misunderstand me!" I looked up at him finally, only to look quickly away. "I… I wanted to talk to you anyway about it because I couldn't consciously keep it to myself but—but It's… I don't know!" I threw my hands up while closing my eyes. "I didn't want you to see my memories and come to the wrong conclusion. It wouldn't be fair to either of us!"

Harrowing silence filled the room as if it were a foul gas smothering me with each moment that passed, and after a moment I dared open my eyes to notice that he had crossed over to stand in front of me, causing me to lean back as I stared up at him."Misunderstand…" His low tone, however sickly it was, did not hide his displeasure. "...what?"

I stared up at him, feeling my nerves rise once more to hold my breath. I pressed on as much as I could, not feeling his invasive mind magic so far. "...Sirius t-told me he… still has feelings for me, and—and I told him I was with someone," I looked to the side while swallowing and felt as if my dry throat would cut off my airway, afraid of the burning of his stare. "And he didn't… he doesn't believe me—"

"So then you convinced him, yes?" He cut off while stepping to the side to gather my focus back to him. "You told that arrogant, obnoxious, arsehole you wanted nothing to do with him like then, right? How is that so hard to misunderstand then, Selini?"

Blinking and looking down once more, I felt put on the spot that the control of the situation was slipping from my hands. "In hindsight, I should've been harsher—"

"Show me," He demanded while taking a step forward. I took a step back at the abrupt movement and bit my lip.

"Severus, please, I don't want anything to deal with him—"

"Then you should have no problem showing me," He pressed on. "I should have trust in you that he should know better than to continue whatever pressure he's no doubt put on you!"

"Just…" I held up a hand to try my best to smooth the situation out, "Just please trust me, okay?" I asked.

He said nothing waiting for me to comply, and with every part of me screaming that this would be a bad idea I had to allow myself the understanding that I didn't do anything wrong and that my mistake had to deal more with how I should've been harder on Sirius. That I, in fact, made a mistake and questioned how Severus would take this honesty. With a deep breath, I looked at him directly, not having to wait a moment sooner before he entered my mind.

Immediately images of Sirius had been pulled by the familiar elastic feeling, the first situation to pop up was the confession that Sirius tried. His words played over the reflection of watching how Sirius had run his thumb lightly over my lip before ripping away from him and exclaiming my taken status.

To see it played over once more I felt foolish at how I didn't just punch Sirius right there and could even feel the mixture of emotions from Severus. I could make out the shock that filtered into disgust, but it didn't seem to be directed at me, it then melted quickly into what I could describe as jealous rage. The predominant emotion had lingered around the others; anger. The scene had rewound and played out of once again of me pushing Sirius away, my display of annoyance, irritation, and disbelief of Sirius's words washed quickly to Sirius's arrogant delusion of not believing me. Unfortunately, I felt the flicker—the ever-tiniest flicker—of the thrill that came from the memory. Whether Severus caught it or not I wasn't sure, but if even I was able to notice I had to accept that he potentially did.

Severus went further, pulling up flashes of when Sirius would look at me and how I'd look away, the confusion and the irritation mixed in from my emotions of the memories. The uncomfortable tension that came from knowing he had been staring at me followed. The next memory I had seen was when he gave me the picture and the emotions of settled nostalgia came up with traces of previous aggravations lingering. I wasn't sure if it was my emotions I was feeling even then. Sirius's last words echoed 'I'll be here when he fails, love' longer than I cared for before the images blurred and zoomed to the most mortifying memory of being groped by Sirius. The heavy loathing, appalling, and urge to destroy—kill—surfaced within my own emotions that no longer could be discerned. I felt Severus starting to pull away and knew that couldn't be the only thing he could take from this, and instead, held onto what I could of his presence to push further memories to defend myself.

I showcased the ending of Sirius's confession when I started to avoid him at all costs, our constant fighting of telling him how he was foolish and idiotic with whatever subject was thrown. I showed him my anger and hurt feelings that I never wanted to acknowledge when Sirius fought with me. The words lingering around my mind thanking the Gods I wasn't with him anymore, and how I felt trapped within his home. I threw any emotion I could to show how I wasn't happy around him constantly surveying me and showed the memory where I had every intention to hex him after his inappropriate touching. Letting the ire, the wrath, the rage wash over the memory until it showed that my mission had been interrupted once more. Flashes of words came; "I'm with someone," "I care about him," and "He's very much real," were pushed forward even then as I let the memories of longing for Severus bloom through. In desperation they came through in flashes while the emotions stayed the same; yearning, loneliness, anticipation to see and be with him, longing.

I felt the invasion of Severus pull away harder than before, and once he was out, I could feel a heinous headache had taken over. Wincing through the pain I dared to look up at him.

There was nothing said as Severus turned away from me, the sight of his anger could be seen in his sneer, and clenched teeth, but even confusion swimming within his eyes as he turned his back to me.

"I should—should—kill him!" He snarled.

"I-I know it looks bad, Severus, but trust me when I—"

"Trust you," He seethed, scoffing at the words.

"I don't want him, he's just an asshole and thinks he can somehow win me back—but I don't want him at all!" I rounded in front of him, breathing heavier as he looked away from me, "I'll be meaner, I'll tell him to fuck off, I swear I want you—"

"You felt something for him." He accused, "I felt that—that excitement when he touched you! However small it was, however fleeting it was, I noticed that!" He spat while looking at me in the eyes, the same calming black waters that once soothed me looked at me with a betrayal I couldn't handle. "You can show me all, or lack thereof, what you did but I still felt it—"

"Sirius was manipulative! He knows how to act—he knows what to say! He wouldn't take no for an answer, how is that fair?!" I pleaded while narrowing my eyes at Severus, "I came to you to tell you this because you had a right to know. Didn't you feel the guilt? Didn't you feel and see when I wanted only you with me, to finally be able to hold you and actually speak with you?! You didn't even see when I went to Aurora—I went after him to hex him for that disgusting action—an action that would never make me run back to him I'll have you know!"

Severus finally looked at me though his knitted brow had barely changed as he looked me up and down. He finally connected to my eyes, and I noticed the slight softening gaze. Blinking I realized that tears had formed in my eyes. "I hated what he did, and when I finally got to be with you last night," I grabbed his hand in mine, "It was like I finally got to breathe again, Severus! He could never make me feel for him what you've always done to me!"

Severus' expression had fallen, but the grimacing sneer remained. "You can finally see what I've known all along, can you?" He pulled his hand away before leaning down and getting close to my face as he spoke, a deadly low tone in his silky, drawn-out response. "Can you finally take those rose-colored glasses off completely to comprehend how dangerous—how vile he actually is?"

My brows ran together as I gawked at him but said nothing as he continued. "You may have been fooled to think that his sorry excuse of 'pranks' were just that, and I don't care to take some blame in covering it up for your benefit, but I find it hard to believe that he didn't brag about nearly killing me!"

My mouth dropped at his words. "Kill you? Severus, what are you talking about-how is that-?" I was at a loss of words for this sudden transition.

A growl of frustration as he walked past me, "It's more relevant than you think," he seethed as he started to pace back and forth the wheels turning in his mind in concentration to think of what to say next. "You have no clue, do you?" He stopped and looked me dead in the eye, "I'm surprised Black could keep such a feat to himself then!"

"Severus, I've seen how he acted to you—to me even, and yes I have to say my teenage judgment was highly misconstrued, but if he put you in danger, I would never stand for that!" I stared up at him, bewildered by what he could be talking about, and by his judgment of my character.

'Is this some kind of test?' I thought to myself trying to unravel where this was going.

"Is that so—?"

"Yes, Severus, it is so!" I yelled at him, but he did not flinch or move as he studied me. I felt the strange sensation of prying into my mind once more overcome me. There was no way to push him out, or even object as images flashed around of my youth. I watched a series of Sirius promising me, with very little interest, not to harm Severus and to pull back. Multiple instances of being told that he would straighten up, times when he would say he hadn't seen 'Snivelus' in the day. The only time that had broken the streak of Sirius's words was when I found them by the lake and the faces of the crowd blurring together except for the Gryffindor boys. James, with a satisfied and cruel smirk on his face, levitated Severus in the air where his knickers were exposed, Sirius egging him on and laughing, Remus trying to speak some sense into his friends and failed miserably as Peter looked on in giddy excitement of his friends. I could start to feel Severus pull away before I pushed the memory further showing me pushing James to lose his concentration, yelling at him, and turning onto Sirius to berate him with ferocity before going to see Severus.

I forced the memory further for him to see how I tried to help him, how Lily had come to my side with a ghost of a smile that looked to be nearly gone. The scene played out how Severus refused my help just before pulling away completely from the scene.

Gasping I shook my head and stared at him, his lips curled as he panted.

"What? You don't think I remember? I remember exactly what happened that day, and since you don't seem convinced enough you can pilfer through what happened that day when I ended my relationship with Sirius!" I went on taking a step closer to him. "On top of the guilt I had for what happened between us, seeing you everywhere, I—I didn't give a shit what Sirius promised me! So, if you're telling me now—just like you tried to tell me before, and I was idiotic to question it—that he tried to hurt you far worse than what he did Severus I need to know!"

"As if it changes anything—!"

"It changes everything!" I pushed on, sighing and gathering myself before losing it on him, "It absolutely changes everything, Severus. It means he never was the person I thought he was, and didn't deserve any chances I gave him… don't you see that?"

Severus stared at me with skepticism but had yet to voice it. I could see his eyes flicker to read my expression and waited for the time he'd enter my mind, but it never came.

"I fucked up," I went on before taking both of his hands in mine, and though they didn't grasp within my grip he did not pull away, "I should've had more of a backbone, and I should've—I should've hexed him regardless or fought him even! I'll do anything to prove to you that he does not mean anything to me anymore, but I need you to tell me what happened. It's like you both kept something from me that would've completely changed my view of the whole situation!"

"You saw what he did, and… and you stayed—"

"That day, I saw what I thought was the worst of him and I left, Severus!" I gripped his hands tighter while pulling him closer. I knew he had to of seen the desperation in my eyes because I was.

I knew people weren't completely horrible, or completely good either. There were exceptions and it was rare, but even then, there was something that made everyone fall within a grey spectrum. The way Severus looked at me, the horrible regret that would follow me even in years to come, and the way I had put my relationship in jeopardy with someone I wanted—no, needed, in my life was enough for me to disregard whatever I thought Sirius considered redeemable. Maybe it was an extreme view, and whatever business we had to deal with when it came to Harry would have to be done professionally, and separately. I didn't care I just knew I couldn't lose Severus!

"It…" He started before looking down, taking a deep breath before continuing, "It wasn't long after we stopped talking, and… I always knew there was something wrong with Lupin. He missed too many classes, always sick, and always once a month. I started to keep tabs and noticed that Poppy had escorted Lupin to the Whomping Willow. It was strange in of itself, but I had my suspicions," He took a deep breath once again, gritting his teeth as the memories played through his mind enough to translate through his eyes. He finally gripped my hands as a possible act to steel himself to continue you. "Black confronted me and told me if I wanted to figure out Lupin's little secret, then I could find out for myself by hitting a knob on the Whomping Willow, subduing it, and following the passage down to the Shrieking Shack… I did, and—"

Severus ripped his hands away and turned away once more to rest his hands on the desk next to us, leaning as he tried his best to continue further. "I should've known better than to think Black would willingly answer a question without some trick up his sleeve."

"What happened?" The confidence in my voice seemed to be lost.

"It was a full moon," Severus's nose flared with disgust, "I had almost made it to the door until I heard the snarling, the growling… then the commotion of furniture being thrown around before I saw what he truly was. A werewolf and he was looking at me through the cracks of the door." He scoffed, "Potter found me… Much good it did for me—it wasn't as if he had a change of heart. Probably didn't want his reputation to be ruined." He grumbled with venom in his tone.

I stared at him, mouth hanging open as the images played like a scene out of a Muggle movie that went off the rails with the horrible outcomes that came to mind.

'He really could've died… he could've survived, and worse, become a Werewolf himself… Sirius almost damned his friend—no way Remus would be able to live with himself!' I thought to myself before swallowing, unable to categorize all that I wanted to say, scream, and shout.

"He knew Remus was changing that night," I worked through my thoughts, not necessarily speaking to Severus directly, "he knew that, and he sent you there anyway—" I put a hand over my mouth as the understanding hit me at once.

"I have to admit I'm surprised you're taking the werewolf a bit more calmly," Severus muttered.

"Sirius already told me—it wasn't exactly the easiest news to swallow, but he—he did..." I could feel my pulse quicken, gasping for air as the anger slowly but evenly coursed through my body. "That—that—dickhead!" I turned to look at Severus who hadn't looked up from his place. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Dumbledore," He answered with no more to explain.

'Of course, the old man and his fucking secrets!' I thought to myself only adding to my anger.

"I suppose I can admit that as much as I hated to see and live it... you were his," He confesses, lightly shaking his head as disgust came over his features with the curl of his lip before turning to me. "Can you see it now?" His voice broke through the moments of silence that sat with us, bringing our eyes to connect. "Can you see him for what he truly is? A lying… manipulative man… who will do nothing but create havoc all in the name of what he deems justifiable… even if it means putting people's lives at risk? All in the name of 'fun'?" Severus walked closer to me until the space between us was nearly gone. "He won't give you up, Selini. He'll ruin anything, be crass with you, and disrespect you—" His teeth clenched, and the snarling fixture of his lips showed with animalistic hatred, "just so he can claim you once again, and toy with you to make you think it's love!" Severus grabbed my shoulders, "He doesn't know the first thing about love… he doesn't know you." His breathing had quickened, his lips forming a tight line, "I should repay him back for what he's done—finish what he started!"

I looked at him and felt the embarrassment all over again. I could've taken his last words any way I could, and believe me, I felt the flare of inflamed nerves within my chest, but even then, I would allow the moment to remain as it was. To understand that the man before me was willing to leave his post at Hogwarts to defend my honor even though my actions had paled in comparison to his. The man who was willing to do anything to protect me from danger by keeping our relationship a secret, and the one who was ever a constant in my mind and heart. He was willing to talk about a painful time in his life just to show me how utterly wrong I had been and had yet to ridicule me for it. Severus deserved someone who would do right by him the way he had done for me, and I was more than willing at the moment to prove that.

"Don't," I told him shaking my head. It was a threat that the more I heard him consider the more I was convinced he wasn't just saying out of frustration or momentary rage. Even if he didn't allow himself, it felt important to be a voice of reason. Even if that reason was more for Severus's benefit than Sirius's. "That's not a weight for you to carry."

"One I don't think I would mind," He rebutted.

Shaking my head once more I continued, "I have to make this right," I said to him turning on my heels but was stopped by the strong hand of Severus pulling me back.

"What do you plan to do?" Though his tone demanded an answer, his knitted brows showed a more concerned reflection of his thoughts.

"To tell him what I should've done in the first place! Tell him off—frighten him—punch him if I have must, but he will know better!" I snarled, "Whatever I thought about Sirius before this moment has been wrong—completely and utterly a farce of his character, and I will not be made a fool or have him ruin us!"

"And you think it'll just rectify what's already done?" His tone was dangerously low as he looked down at me from his nose, "You think you'll just disrupt Black's day, cause a scene that'll surely wake that ridiculous portrait, and that'll just fix this?"

I stared at him through my lashes before lowering my eyes, yanking my arm away from him, and taking a step back. Because what would doing just that prove, then? It would feel good to do, and maybe a part of myself still believed it would prove something, but that didn't mean that Severus would willingly forget this happened. It didn't mean that we could even come back from this, did it?

'I have to do something… even if I've become irredeemable in his eyes.'

"I never touched him. I never kissed or fucked him just to be clear. If you don't want to believe me… If you search through every bit of memory from this summer—seeing only thoughts of missing you, needing you, and wanting only you—and you're still angry with my mistake… I'll… I'll live with the shame," Tears had stung my eyes, and with a trembling voice I held my position. "I've done it before, Severus."

I turned away before anything could be said and hoped I didn't imagine the unconfident voice of Severus telling me to wait.

)))(((

As much as I wanted to apparate to the headquarters and disassemble the entire foundation in fury and interrogate Sirius until he'd cower in front of me by using any means necessary, I had time to think of a different route that wouldn't shamble everything for those who still occupied the Black family home. The more I thought of it the more I was convinced that Sirius would've enjoyed fighting, and even turned it against me somehow. No, I had to use cunning wit in order to get the answers I wanted and to also make it clear. It would be the better route in the end; no contact with him to hear whatever bullshit he wanted to twist on me.

And with that, I apparated to my cottage just outside of the Hogwarts gate.

The shriek of my uncle followed by the fumbling mess of falling out of his chair was heard as soon as I popped within the cottage. Jethro picked himself up quickly while scoffing at my sudden appearance.

"You can't just pop in like that on me, Selini!" He exclaimed while hugging his robe closer to himself, "I'm in the middle of my self-care routine, and apparating within the confines of my space does not relax me, you know!" He shouted before narrowing his eyes at me, "Aren't you supposed to be doing your professor duties?"

"I need you to go to headquarters for me," I ignored his question, taking in the extensive items laid upon the dining table that consisted of lotions, potions, and serums in multiple vials and bottles. I noted the chocolate-covered strawberries, and a few candles lit around the room that gave off the scent of lavender and vanilla. I had to give it to Jethro when it came to his 'self-care routine' it was rather dreamy.

"Is everything alright?" His expression changed dramatically with worry. "Has something happened, darling?"

Holding my hands up I shook my head, "No, everything's fine, I just… I need to speak to Remus, so can you bring him here, please?"

"Why don't you just go to him?" Jethro threw up his hand, his upper lip curling in exasperation. "I'm not exactly ready to be seen—my serum is just setting in!" He argued while scrunching his face to convey my audacious request.

"Because, if I go there now I may just murder Sirius, and how unfair would that be for Harry to have two godparents wanted for murder?" I explained quickly losing patience, "Even if the Ministry might not mind that much…" I mumbled bitterly.

Sighing heavily while rolling his eyes up to the ceiling, as if I just asked him to perform the most strenuous task known to wizardkind, he grabbed his wand and gave it a wave before his relaxed attire turned into his normal outfit consisting of a formal black and dark green suit. His face was now bare of any of the serum on his face and only showed his displeased expression. "All these favors are adding up, darling, I hope you know how to repay them." He stated before apparating away quickly.

"So dramatic!" I called out into the air before huffing and folding my arms.

I waited possibly twenty minutes, pacing back and forth while reworking my words on how to approach Remus about this particular subject. I had no patience for beating around the bush, and Remus would see right through that even if I tried. A straightforward approach would be necessary, and probably easier to deal with than being sneaky. When the popping of apparition disrupted my thoughts I looked to see a visibly irked Jethro and a concerned, but curious, Remus.

"There, now, hurry up with whatever you're doing so I can make up for my lost, precious time!" Jethro stated.

Rolling my eyes I motioned for Remus to follow me into my room. Closing the door I turned to him.

"Your uncle didn't say it was an emergency, but I'm curious about the secrecy," Remus stated while turning to put his hands in his pockets. Honey-brown eyes stared at me as if to try to figure out the particular reason for the sudden need for his presence.

"I think it's best if we discussed this rather delicate subject in private," I went on, folding my arms. "I need you to tell me what happened in our sixth year with this… horribly titled 'prank' that Sirius did to Severus."

Remus grimaced, "There was quite a bit of those, but I'm hoping you're not referring to—" Remus spotted my heated, and narrowed stare then cleared his throat, "Although I'm assuming you are referring to that specific one…"

"If I go to Sirius now he'll give me some codswallop story that will get him maimed at best, and I quite frankly don't have time to sort out his truths and his lies, so please Remus—" I took a step forward, pleading with my eyes for him to elaborate. "I need to know what happened from a source that won't misconstrue what happened."

Remus's gaze flickered as he studied me. His brows pulled together, a slightly pained expression with a wincing at the subject came next before turning away, looking down and not meeting my eyes, "I don't understand why it matters to you now, Maeve,"

"Oh? Yes, Sirius must be quiet with his disrespectful, and dimwitted, plan to make me his lover again, hm?" My sarcastic tone wasn't missed as he grimaced and shook his head.

"Can you completely blame him?" Remus offered while looking back up to me, "You could've asked him to move the stars, and he wouldn't hesitate to find the magic to do so. For him, it has always been you, Maeve! Besides, you know his one-track mind, once he's stuck on something it's rather impossible for him to move on—"

"Well, I have, and he needs to as well before it fucks with my life!" I pushed back. Remus studied me for a moment, pulling his lips to the side before he reached up to scratch the back of his neck.

"How would that deal with this story?" He questioned, his tone a bit softer.

"Remus," I started while rubbing my face, "I'm coming to you because I trust you to tell me what happened. It–it just does, and I would appreciate it as a friend that you wouldn't share this with anyone, especially Sirius. I need you to tell me something that Sirius has apparently kept from me for years. It just… It damn sure matters."

Sighing, Remus gave me a single nod before he started walking about the room, a beat of a pause later he spoke, "Severus had been cunning enough to notice my monthly absences, and unfortunately for all of us, took it upon himself to investigate. I remember during that time that Sirius was still particularly raw about how you were acting. Sirius was… he spoke about getting even with Severus, to make him hurt the way you were," Remus looked up at my horrified expression, but it did not stop him from continuing only caused him hesitation.

"He told Severus how to get through the Whomping Willow, and… well, I remember seeing Severus that night…" Remus had looked away, reliving the memory clearly affecting him, "Later, James told me he stopped Severus, but—but I was furious with Sirius! He didn't seem to care about exposing my condition, nor did he seem concerned with Severus's well-being… After losing my temper with him I think he understood how it affected me, and I also believe after throwing it in his face what that could've done to you and Lily, it sobered his position on it more. Putting that together I believe he didn't want you to hate him if he told—"

"He'd be right," I stated while nodding quickly, staring wide-eyed at the man before me as the new information settled in. "I'd hate him like I do now, Remus," My breathing was quickening as I let a humorless laugh escape. "He–he could've gotten Severus killed! He could've ruined you—he didn't think about you after your transformation was done! He didn't think about how you'd have to live with whatever happened—he only thought of himself!" I huffed before putting a hand over my mouth.

Remus said nothing before looking down once more. I was sure that he had thought of this, that he had lived with it long enough, and anything I said wasn't new consideration to the situation. Unfortunately, I wasn't done with him just yet. I had to settle something that had been bothering me all the while I made my journey through the castle to my cottage.

"Does he regret it?" I asked while leaning in to make him look at me, "Even a little, a lot, or thinks it was a mistake?"

Remus's eyes flickered up at me before licking his lips as they formed a tight line before he spoke, "I, unfortunately, can say that it was one of the first things he reminisced about when meeting Harry…" With a shake of his head, he caught my incredulous gawking and sighed, "Sirius is my friend, Maeve. It was a mistake, a very, very dumb, irresponsible, and potentially irrevocable mistake but… a lot has happened since then, and the overarching consensus was that no one got hurt—"

"Overarching consensus? Overarch—Remus, do you hear yourself?!" I squinted my eyes at him, "You think that being able to say 'at least no one got hurt' just remedies the situation? Severus is lucky that James was the only one with some sense to stop him before he got to you—you! Someone transformed and would have to bear the weight of whatever happens along with Sirius–who seems to not give a shit if he had any to bear!"

"It's all the things I've thought of many times before!" Remus shouted, startling me for a moment at his outburst, "Yes, I can hold two truths to the situation; one hand holds the fact that Sirius acted in a way that could've done more harm—more pain—than he rationally thought of, and the other has to hold the fact that we were all lucky!"

I shook my head at him. As rational as Remus had always been I knew there was no use in saying anything further. Sirius was his friend, and the only one who had remained from his group, so to think that where I stood in the argument would sway his opinion was moot. I could understand him and begrudgingly agreed that at least no one was physically hurt that night. It didn't count for the mental scars that clearly affected Severus, and I had to think Remus couldn't look back on that time with ease.

"Whatever, Remus, justify however you want then." Turning on my heel I started to leave the room.

"Care to tell me why now is so important to know?" He questioned, stopping me in my tracks. "There are very few people who know about that story, and I'm willing to bet the person who told you was a part of it."

I didn't turn to him, but looked to the side averting his questioning gaze, "Severus means too much to me to lose, and because of that I won't let anything ruin that… again."

"Maeve," His tone held suspicion, as well as a hint of skepticism, but I said nothing further as I yanked the door open and walked shortly back into the living room Jethro had been standing rather close to the door, whirling away to walk around aimlessly and inspect random bottles, making faces at the items he was already well aware of the contents they consisted of.

"He's good to leave," Ignoring the obvious eavesdropping that Jethro had done, I looked back at Remus who kept his sights down, wringing his hands as he was deep in thought. "You can stay if you want, but I have to get there before the Welcoming Feast."

"No 'thank you' from your favorite uncle? I have to start my serum process all over again, you know." Jethro chided while holding up the jar that was filled with a pale, coral, thick-looking substance.

"Actually, I think it would be best to get back," Remus said with a sigh, "I'm sure the others will be pleased to hear this was a short visit for reminiscing." His lips returned to the tight line expression, the sarcasm was light but not hidden.

"I think it would best to spare the details to everyone," I offered while tilting my head to the side, "Although, Sirius might like to know how I never want to speak to him again."

"You know you'll have to under these circumstances, Maeve," Remus scolded while giving me a stern look, "but I'll tell him it would best not to have any unnecessary conversation if that'll please you."

"It'll suffice, but I mean it, Remus." I took a step forward to him, "Sirius is an ally in this war and that's where it ends. No more chances, or disregard for his behavior anymore."

Remus sighed and nodded solemnly before Jethro slowly held out his arm, throwing a curious look back at me before the two disapparated.

I didn't stay long in the cottage before apparating to the gates of Hogwarts and allowing myself to think over everything I was told.

'No contact is better than any contact, right? I'm sure the next meeting won't go well, but that will give me enough time to stir in my rage.' A bitter thought ran wild within my mind as I took a deep, long breath to try and compose myself once more.

As I made my way through the large doors of the castle I started to head toward my chambers, replaying and criticizing Remus's words and feelings towards Sirius. I hadn't known Remus to be a liar, and I doubted he would say those things to put Sirius in a better light, but if it were true what he said that meant it wasn't just one of Sirius's cruel schemes to terrorize Severus. It was more personal, far more directed at harming Severus than he possibly knew. It just so happened that Sirius was able to align the stars in his favor and used Remus's condition to carry out his revenge.

'He put Severus's life on the line all because I was as upset. So, he says—probably just used that as leverage to make an excuse for his horrendous actions!' I scoffed outwardly at my thoughts, 'Even if that really was his motivation how dare he use that as an excuse to wreak havoc like that!'

After venturing up the staircases and making my way down the corridor I heard the unmistakable humming, high-pitched, chuckle that terrorized my career for most of it. Stopping abruptly I looked over slowly down where the corridor split to see Delores Umbridge taking small, but quick steps toward me with her uppity smile spread far across her face. Her obnoxious, pink attire was as nauseating to behold as I remembered, and her ever-perfect hairstyle was just as outdated as it had been in the past. It amazed me that somehow, she wasn't a part of a transfiguration mishap at birth; no one should resemble a toad so well without some kind of magical accident.

Forcing a patient and polite smile I clasped my hands behind me while nodding to the woman who stopped in front of me, "Why, hello, Delores."

"Maeve Thorne!" Her rememberable voice grated on my nerves instantly, "I'm surprised to see you back for another year," She kept her smile,

I forced a chuckle while giving a nod, "Yes, my assistant and I seem to like Hogwarts well enough to settle down here. Given that the headmaster liked how last year's turn out did well on their exams, of course."

"Is that so? Fascinating!" She remarked, "Well, perhaps don't get too settled in."

Concentrating on both keeping my smile and trying not to look so surprised at her words, I raised my eyebrows and shrugged. "What makes you say that… Delores,"

"I'm sure you've heard the Defense Against the Dark Arts position has been filled—by me, no less—and it's come to the Ministry's attention that Hogwarts has some troubling, and very concerning, curriculum that should be weeded out. Cornelius and I both feel it's best to… set an example, Maeve." She replied, with no hint of changing her expression along with that dimwitted giggle at the end. "I'd hate to find your work lacking to the Ministry's—Cornelius's—standards. If your little one has settled in it would be a shame to have to remove her guardians!"

Swallowing I felt my smile soften as I bit the inside of my cheek, my nails digging into the sensitive flesh of my palms as I willed myself to keep in control. "I'm sure you'll find that I live up to the standards Cornelius has set… like I have before."

"I'd like to think some things can change, but then again something's remain the same. Wouldn't you have to agree?" Delores tilted her head ever so slightly as if to challenge me further. All I could do to distract myself from the urge to spit in her face was force another laugh.

"Suppose that's fair! Guess we'll just have to see who's proven right then, hm?"

"Yes," She agreed with a single slow nod, "I believe we will!"

Dreadful Umbridge left me standing there seething in another round of anger that felt like it would suffocate any logic out of my mind. I wanted to turn around and blast the woman somewhere within the Scottish Isle, I wanted to take this fury and harness it to give Sirius the worst piece of my mind and decimate his family upon him, and finally maybe even take this explosive lividity and face the Dark Lord himself. Even then I doubted I would be able to release everything that had built up, swallowed down, and ignored inside.

The four days before term started did very little to settle my aggravation or calm the rising storm of my wrath. A problematic issue that arrived in the form of a column on the Daily Prophet explained that Sturgis Podmore had been caught, and arrested, for breaking into the Ministry of Magic. Since I didn't read the rubbish in the first place, I was met with a panicky Aurora who showed me the paper. No doubt that the Order needed to come together to figure out what had happened, at which point I had yet to hear from Dumbledore or anyone from headquarters. Sending a letter would've been ignorant to the idea that owls weren't being watched, and with Umbridge running around with her stubby, little legs I doubt there would be any way to get around it. After her obvious attempt to enforce the Ministry's presence during the Welcoming Feast, I found it to be a haunting reminder to keep my head down as much as I could.

Aurora volunteered to run down to the cottage and have Jethro relay messages, and as it turns out, the theory was that Sturgis had been under the Imperius curse during the break-in. Regardless, he would no doubt be in Azkaban for some time, and that left the rest of the Order members that occupied the Ministry to be on high alert and regroup their tactics.

Jethro also tried to relay a message from Sirius to Aurora, and at that point, I told her it was unnecessary and better left unsaid. Even with Aurora caught up on most of the situation, her astonishment wasn't missed when I conveyed the recent updates between me, Sirius, and Severus. It wasn't a time for advice on the subject, and instead, we both decided that wine and venting were needed for the night. The only time she did mention it was to let me know her cord-cutting solution was still on the table, and became more, and more, tempting as the days went on.

Elowyn had found us making our way down to the gardens that were next to the greenhouses. It was then she informed us of all she had heard about the public view within the Daily Prophet affecting even the student body. The two sisters, Natalie and Clara Montgomery, had tip-toed around the subject with Elowyn and it wasn't until the eldest of the sisters brought up Harry's story and how it was hard to doubt the Prophet. Natalie, the youngest, seemed on the fence about the subject. It seemed like the sisters were trying to figure out from their friend if it were true, and Elowyn gave them a straightforward answer that she believed Harry.

The rest of the Slytherins were less accepting or concerned about the issue, but it didn't seem to stop them from hounding my adoptive daughter for her opinion. It left Elowyn conflicted on how to deal with most of them since she felt alienated within her house already and decided to try her best to ignore the antagonization of namely Pansy Parkinson, and Milicent Bulstrode. Aurora and I felt it best to encourage her to do what she could to not pay mind to those nasty little girls, but it didn't stop me from telling her to at least be clever if it came time to retaliate. Aurora's disapproval was evident on her usually sunny face.

Perhaps my souring mood had affected my choice of advice.

I was finding it hard to be able to have a conversation with Harry to check in with him. It seemed like any time I ventured to that side of the castle I was met with professors, especially Umbridge, or curious students who had a multitude of questions related to their classwork, or concerns about advancing within their class. The only time I could even nod in his direction was during our mealtimes, and it seemed that he was less enthused to respond to me as the days went on.

In the rare times of silence with my thoughts to myself, I had always ventured back to Severus. If by fate's hand I was unable to see my Godson or have a moment to myself, then at this point I felt like he was able to avoid me any time I tried to find him. The times I'd make my way to the dungeons his door would be locked, and if he were there on the other side hearing my knocks, they had to of been ignored. There was no time or opportunity to really speak to him during our mealtimes, and I definitely didn't want to take the risk of Delores becoming interested in our interactions. The only time I was able to encounter him was bumping into him in the hallway, and after a hesitant pause of realizing who it was our moment was interrupted by Delores speaking to a visibly annoyed Minerva. Gryffindor's Head of House looked like she was a hostage held at wand-point the more that Delores yapped and found an escape by coming to my side. Being pulled away from my spot I threw a glance back to see Severus looking back at me before leaving Umbridge by herself.

I wasn't entirely sure what to do about us anymore. I knew I had messed up by not being firmer on the boundary, which created a bigger issue of fueling Sirius in his delusion that he could have my love once more. As I lay on my bed, I knew sleep wouldn't come any time soon, and the memories replayed once more of the way Sirius looked at me, his hands on my face and the proximity of his body made me grind my teeth together and throw my pillow at the door.

"Bloody asshole!" I yelled while sitting up, grabbing the other pillow I had been lying on and pushing it against my face to scream. The ferocity that trembled my body had pushed out the screeching rather quickly, making me breathless and in need of deep inhales of breath. Cursing, screaming again, cursing I felt I had exhausted myself as best as I could. After the release of emotions, I fell back onto my bed, panting to try and calm myself down as the palpitations fluttered in my chest.

Sirius did whatever he wanted to get whatever he could whether it was throwing a tantrum or resorting to reckless behavior and endangering himself or others around him. Even if I could commend him for the good that he had done for his friends, for myself, or even for Harry it paled in comparison to the trouble he caused for me. Even all those years ago when I left him, I regret even allowing a chance for him to know me intimately; a dumb teenage girl head over heels with a boy who chased her even when she pushed him away time, and time, again. The younger version of myself used to like the chase and even believed that the fighting was just an expression of admiration. Thinking back now I only felt pity for that girl for even thinking that was anything like a healthy relationship should've been.

'Do you even know what a healthy relationship looks like? Just look at what you grew up with.' My inner voice pointed out.

(***)

Memories that broke through the barrier of repression flooded my mind and senses. I could still remember the way my mother and father would fight. It was a telltale sign that at any moment the fight would erupt when my father's tone dropped menacingly, and my mother's humorless laughter followed at some point.

"You're such a fucking prick, Magnus!" She would say,

"If I'm a prick, you're definitely a cunt, Catherine!" His deep, Russian accent would bellow.

I shuddered at the thought of how they were both equally as volatile as a volcano being met with the gale-force winds of a hurricane. I didn't always run away when they fought; sometimes they wouldn't even notice I was there until the worst had already been said. I remember they'd end up turning off their fighting and tried miserably to act differently in front of me, or my mother would take her leave to put me in my room. The only time they could get along was when they were both drinking, but due to a careless time when I had burned my hand on the stove that was also carelessly left unattended, things changed. An accident that could've easily been avoided had either one of my parents paid attention, my father took it upon himself to put the bottle down. Something my mother did not find easier to do.

Without the ability to nurse the bottle my father's sobriety was a hit and miss. He was more attentive, but it came off as if my care was a burden. I know he'd never say that, and while I remember the conflicting emotions of loving the time I was able to spend with him, I recalled feeling it was out of necessity rather than wanting to.

When it came to my mother, I hadn't noticed it at first, and neither did my father, but her secret drinking continued to create problems. In fact, I was sure he was just as confident as I was that things could change around the home, and it did for that short amount of time. I knew my father loved my mother dearly; so many times, of rare peace when he'd look at her like he was experiencing true love for the first time once again. The way she would smile at him as if they hadn't been cursing, screaming and occasionally throwing objects at each other days before made me believe that was how love worked.

(***)

Those days had evaporated when my mother's alcoholism had been discovered. So when he would fight with her, raise his voice at her just the way she did, or tell her how idiotic she was for her need to drink, it was just a strong conviction to try and reach some sense into her. To show her how much he loved her in those moments.

As if that did any good; my mother would eventually find her way into the arms of another man, and it destroyed our family beyond repair. It was the example of my home life that made me recall how I'd fight with Sirius, and how easily we had mimicked my parents' arguments in aesthetics.

The connection was revolting enough to make me sit up, swing my feet to the cold ground, and let out a deep sigh. I held my face in my hands as it was known that history could repeat itself if ignorance ran rampant.

'It was the example set in for me ever since I could remember. If there wasn't some sort of turmoil, some sort of problem that needed to be fought viciously, then did I really think he loved me?'

Yet, with Severus, even in our disagreements or catty and petty behavior, it was never to the extent that Sirius and I would fight.

'That's because Severus thinks before he acts; he doesn't intend to hurt my feelings, unlike Sirius who just says whatever he thinks and apologizes later. Severus cares enough to avoid doing such a thing. Then… There I was once again excusing Sirius, naive in the idea that full faith in my relationship with Severus could mend something that probably can't… I can only blame myself no matter how much I want to blame Sirius—It's me! I caused all of this!'

Tears crept into my eyes as the shaking, deep sobbing started. I allowed them to freely fall and for me to openly weep for myself, for Severus, and for my inner teenager.

'Severus deserves better. How could I be so incompetent to believe that I deserve to be forgiven for such a betrayal? He should throw me to the wolves for what I've allowed! He's risking so much for me already with this war and this is how I treat him?!'

The harsh self-pity continued into louder sobs. I tried to muffle as best as I could, and eventually, the sound of all my thoughts quieted into a numb buzzing as I sat there. Out of breath, panting, tears stained my face and sniffling were all I could do for far too long. I had to stop this from becoming worse, I had to remedy this any way I could even if it meant that Severus and I couldn't be fixed. No contact wasn't enough for me anymore, and I wanted to take more action.

I knew then that I'd go to Aurora the following morning and ask her to sever the tie between me and Sirius Black forever.

A/N: First, I want to thank Maiyin for their detailed, and truly thoughtful, review! Along with Helia Revelio, this is the kind of reviews I'm hoping to inspire when reading this story. It was constructive and I loved to read it. Call me crazy, but I love stirring up emotions in readers for them to go "what the hell?!" whenever I write LOL

I wanted to also say that I never intended for Maeve to be 100% liked, and I want to be able to have people question her motives and actions because she's as human as they come. While it may never be exactly brought up, although I'm sure I'll find a way, I'd like to point out that Maeve will display behaviors that are related if not exact of a personality disorder. The more we see of her home life, the more I hope to clear the air with why she'd be behaving in such a way. She has way more battles to conquer, and it's not just with Voldemort. Don't worry, she's not going to be the only one to make questionable decisions, or even fuck up. Maeve and Severus are forever in my opinion and heart, but they will have their fair share of struggles to over come. What's the breaking point, if any? What are they willing to work on for themselves so they can be together? Do you think their relationship is going to be 100% healthy with how they were brought up, or will they have to work openly on what they've become for the last 30 plus years of their lives? I hope I'm able to bring these questions out in future chapters as well; please don't give up on it because it's rocky right now! lol

Much love and thanks,

TJ