Lucy runs a frustrated hand through her hair. Today's already been a mess. Mountain of emails, endless phone calls with clients who weren't happy with any of the edits she'd done on several articles she was working on and not making any progress, their bosses giving them endless deadlines. Even Levy was stressed out. So safe to say she's very much in need of a day off. Maybe a couple.

All that, and trying to fit in time with Kade, and trying to keep in touch with Natsu added to her frustration. Who had been acting… strange over the past week, or maybe more when she thinks about it.

A bit after her birthday, she'd started to get shorter responses from him, with this bit of distance she didn't know what to do with. When she did manage to finally see Natsu in person, it was something quick for dinner and he was still quieter than usual and maybe kind of anxious, and she couldn't quite place the reason for the sudden change.

It made her heart ache when she tried to think of a reason why. Did something happen? Was it something she did or said? Was this thing between them getting to be too much? Was… she getting to be too much?

Lucy groans with another hand through her now tangled hair. It wasn't doing her any good overthinking all this and spiraling over and over again. She did have a bad habit of doing that, maybe this was all in her head… Natsu was supposed to come over for dinner at the house on Friday. Hopefully they'd have a chance to talk and sort through all her mess of thoughts and feelings. He always made her feel at ease when her mind was a scattered mess.

She takes a deep, grounding breath. The thought gives her some new hope and the bit of push to get her through the rest of the week.

"Mom! Natsu's still coming over for dinner today right?" Kade asks, hazel eyes pleading up at her as she drops him off at daycare this morning. The end of the week finally here.

Lucy's heart aches at the bright hope in those wide eyes. She'd only gotten another short response of "sure" from Natsu the other day and still nothing when she tried calling and texting him last night to confirm about today, so she honestly had no idea. Just held onto the hope he'd keep his word. Like he always did.

She kneels down and hopes her smile is reassuring enough. "I think he's been busy at the station, but sure he's gonna try ok?" she says, running a hand through his hair.

Kade pouts a little, but the ruffle to his hair makes him giggle and she brings him in for a tight hug before he goes to run off with Noah.

She sighs heavily and slumps back down in her car.

Lucy didn't want to say anything definitive and get his hopes up more than Natsu already had… just in case the unsettled feeling that had been growing stronger in her gut ended up being right. She really hopes it isn't.

The day passes like normal. She gets more caught up and makes better progress on her work, has lunch with Levy, but still couldn't help constantly glancing at her phone after sending Natsu another text, but still coming up empty. All not helping the growing ache in her chest.

Kade is getting restless when they get back home after stopping by the pizza place they like and get changed and settled. She can only distract him with his tv show and toys for so long.

"Mooomm, I'm hungry. Is Natsu gonna be here yet?" the boy pleads, clinging onto her arm.

The ache thuds sharply at those wide, pleading hazel eyes.

"Hmm, how about we get a head start then to keep you from starving and Natsu can get his share later?" Lucy offers with a squeeze to his belly.

Kade giggles and that's all he needs to nod and run over to the dining table.

She sighs, taking another glance at the blank home screen on her phone, she shakes her head, and puts on a brave face before joining Kade at digging into the box.

Disappointment and frustration sets in as the night goes on with still no updates from Natsu.

Lucy understands that life happens and things come up, especially with Natsu's line of work. It's happened to her plenty of times, but she's communicated every time something came up for her. She thought they were trying to build something, so she would've expected or hoped for a bit more effort and at least some respect for him to do the same for her.

She's able to keep Kade distracted and entertained enough with some games he likes and a bit more of his favorite tv show before he starts yawning and dozing off. She gives up expecting anything from Natsu at this point and decides to call it a night. Packing up the food, and cleaning up a bit, and ushering Kade to get washed up and changed for bed.

"What happened to Natsu, Mom?" Kade asks quietly, pulling up his covers as Lucy tucks him into bed. "Did he not want to see us?... See me?"

It breaks her heart to see the sad, disappointed look quickly shift his expression. She swallows thickly and sits in front of him on the side of his bed.

"Oh, sweetheart, of course he does," Lucy says softly, reaching over to brush a thumb over his cheek. "They must've really needed his help at the station. Maybe there were a lot of kitties that needed saving from trees," she tries playfully.

"But, he promised… and I miss him," Kade whispers softly with a pout, eyes a little glossy.

Her chest aches sharply again. "I know, baby. Me too." She runs a hand through his soft hair. "I promise it's nothing you did. Never. He'll be sure to hang out with us soon, and we'll be sure he treats us to a whole fun, special weekend with lots of good foods, ok?" she smiles softly.

It eases Lucy's heart to see Kade's growing smile as he nods. He giggles when she leans in to press a couple of kisses to his cheeks and head.

"Now, about we pick up where we left off in our new bedtime story, hm?"

Kade eagerly agrees as Lucy settles more beside him up against the headboard now, picking up the book on his night stand. He gets more comfy leaning against her as she wraps an arm around him, holding him close.

Lucy gets a couple pages in and Kade's out like a light. She sets the book back down with a deep sigh, holding him for a bit longer before slowly lowering him back down to his bed with a kiss to his forehead. Flicking on his nightlight with one last soft look, she makes her way to freshen up before finally flopping onto her bed with a huff.

The ache in her heart swells again. Turning to her side and tugging the other pillow to her chest, burring her face in it her eyes can't help but prick with tears. It still smelled a bit like him from the last time he slept over.

She was really hoping the sinking feeling in her stomach had been wrong, but guess that's what she gets for having too high expectations. She should know by now that he gut was usually right, and people would always let her down.

Most of all, Lucy really thought and hoped Natsu would be different. Different from all those who grew distant after getting to know more of her and her past. More of her baggage and had to leave…

But what hurt more was the hurt in Kade's eyes. The one thing she swore to protect him from, and here she was opening up their lives, their hearts, vulnerable and delicate, for the first time in a long time, only for her insecurities and fears to be right and hurting them both.

Lucy's eyes quickly gloss over fully, tears slipping across the bridge of her nose and into the pillow.

Was every tender moment, soft touch, tingling kiss, full laugh, deep talk, genuine smile, all for nothing?

Deep down, there was always this small voice at the back of her head telling her that this whole thing was too good to be true and something was bound to happen and mess it up and she should escape while she could before they could cause more hurt. Who would want to stay anyway?

Maybe she should've listened to it after all…

Her mess of spiraling thoughts left her tossing and turning for a rather sleepless night with an aching heart.

After a few more days of radio silence, Lucy's had enough.

After the restless night of hurt, the battling back and forth with herself, the voice in her head kept telling her just to let it go and save herself. If that was going to happen, then at the least, she deserved answers answers for her and Kade first.

But deep down… she didn't want the voice to win. Didn't want this to be the end… but if Natsu was giving all these signs of not wanting to stay then what else could she do?

Lucy just couldn't take the hurt of the silence of the unknown anymore. Didn't want Kade to go through anymore doubting himself either most of all.

She decides to just take the day off to get herself in the right headspace. She wouldn't be able to concentrate at work anyway. Texting Gray after dropping Kade off, she asks him if Natsu is on a shift today.

He tells her he's been on one since last night, and Lucy's glad he has her back when she says she's going to stop by, but not to tell Natsu.

Lucy takes a deep grounding breath when she parks her car at the station. She almost second guesses herself, maybe she shouldn't do this… but then Kade's hurt expression pops into her head again and it gives her heart a push.

Gray happens to be cleaning the large truck when she walks in. He gives her a small sad smile when he sees her, a knowing look in his eyes.

He hops off the side of the truck and cleans off his hands. "Hey, Lucy."

"Hi, Gray," Lucy says softly, small smile too, wringing her fingers together. "Thanks for letting me know earlier."

"Sure. I'll take you out back where he's at…" Gray pauses after he almost turns. "I-I haven't asked what's going on and Natsu hasn't said anything, but… we've all noticed he's been torn up pretty bad about something and hope you guys can get through it."

Lucy's heart aches again and she swallows thickly. "Thank you," she whispers.

She hopes they can too.

They walk down a long hall towards large open double doors to the large yard where she already catches a glimpse of rose gold hair in the sun that makes her stomach flip.

Gray steps ahead and knocks on the edge of the door jam. "Hey, ya got a visitor." He gives her shoulder a pat and goes back down the hall.

Natsu hums and picks up his head from his hands where he'd been holding it, elbows on his knees.

"But I wasn't-"

Green eyes widen when he turns and finally looks over and sees her, scrambling the rest of the way out of the chair and tripping a little.

Lucy takes a moment to take in the sight of him. He does look out of it and tired, eyes a bit dull and not holding their same brightness, instead filled with something deeper she can't place, his shoulders slumped.

Her heart aches from the sight of him and how long it'd been since she'd seen him properly, was held in his arms, kissed him… but she pushes through before she really loses her nerve.

"L-Lucy! I-"

"I've been wanting to talk to you for a while, and since it seems like you don't want to answer your phone, I figured it'd be better to have this talk face to face anyway," Lucy manages to get that out to start. "What's been going on Natsu? You've gotten so distant, I barely get short words of replies from you anymore, if that, which… which really hurts," she swallows thickly, lump of emotion forming in her throat already.

Natsu's face falls, almost reaching out but wringing his hands together instead. "I'm so sorry. I- I've just been… things have been so much lately I just- then I got wrapped up here and just…"

He struggles with his words and gets quiet and Lucy uses that to get more of her feelings out.

"I thought we had something, or were building something, that we both wanted this, but… if it's all getting to be too much for you or… or if I'm- i-if my complicated life is getting to be too much for you, p-please just tell me now," she pleads, feeling her voice shake, gripping the strap of her bag on her shoulder to keep her grounded. "Because it's not just me I have to think about anymore. When it involves Kade too, I can't be taking things lightly… Especially when you break promises to him, saying you're going to come to a dinner we planned then not showing up with no explanation and leave him asking questions, doubting himself, and going to bed hurt."

That flare of frustration and hurt resurfaces, surely showing in her voice as the hand that was running through his hair froze, quickly looking back up at her from where his gaze had fallen to the floor, widening again, lips parting with a soft curse under his breath.

"Oh no, I can't believe I forgot- I-I'm so sorry..."

He gets quiet again and that just adds to the already frustrated ache in her heart.

"Forgot? Sounds likely enough since you've barely talked to me," Lucy scoffs a little with a shake of her head. "Look, I know life happens and things come up, but you couldn't even give me the decency of respect to communicate or say anything, even after I had tried to get in touch with you for days before and after. But you've been distance way before that too. If something was going on and you needed space, you just could've talked to me," she gets out with a huff before she closes her eyes and takes a shuddering breath, barely holding back the tears pricking in her eyes to push through one more time. "I just… I finally take this leap and put myself out there, my heart out there, my trust, Kade's trust, his heart. I… hoped, and thought we meant more to you than this, deserve more than this."

Natsu quickly takes a few steps closer. "N-No! I mean, you do! You both do. Both deserve so much better from me I'm sorry," he pleads. "I just haven't been my best and been so in my head, and phone got messed up out on a bad call the other week before I could get in touch."

Lucy waits, hoping to get more than just a 'sorry' from him, but he just gets quiet again with fidgeting fingers.

She sighs. "As much as all this has hurt, I-I don't want this to end with us, Natsu. I'm willing to work through this. You still mean a lot to me, to both of us but what do you want?" she pleads, hoping he'd take the leap with her, but when his lips just keep falling open and closed, eyes still troubled, the silence for several long moments speaks louder and her heart falls.

Lucy's shoulders slump, unable to stop the few stray tears that end up escaping this time. After all the chances she'd given him to fight for them, she really doesn't have the energy in her to try anymore today.

She sighs with one more shake of her head. "I was really hoping for something more. You know how to reach me if you ever get things figured out, Natsu. But I can't wait forever."

Lucy turns to make her way out the way she came.

"L-Luce! No wait, I-I can explain, please!"

She hears Natsu call out behind her, footsteps following her, but she doesn't want to look back and face more empty apologies and excuses if he doesn't mean them. She can't do it anymore, and she's back in her car with a heavier ache in her heart than when she got here.

Natsu sighs deeply, running a hand through his damp hair after a fresh shower and tossing some clothes in the hamper before gently moving to sit on his bed with a groan as he adjusts some pillows behind him.

He'd tweaked his back pretty bad and gotten his shoulder pretty sore out on a tough call last week. He was reckless and didn't exactly follow orders not to go running into a burning building that was already half crumbling.

A heavy beam and some rubble had fell on him as expected, but luckily Gray and a couple others quickly came in after him before it too much damage.

Captain had strongly insisted on him taking some time off after that. Well, more like demanded after chewing him out. Natsu knew it was bound to happen. He hadn't really been focused or felt like himself for a while now. Running on what felt like fumes and autopilot, especially since he'd been a little more than distracted since... since Lucy had visited him.

His chest aches sharply as it does each time the hurt in her eyes pops up in his mind. How did he let himself fuck things up so bad? He should have known Lucy would feel him pulling back more and hearing that she thought it was because her and Kade were getting to be too much for him makes his heart hurt, but the fact that he hurt Kade too with all his distance makes Natsu angry with himself most of all.

They didn't deserve that. Natsu knew he should've been honest with Lucy from the start as soon as he felt himself struggling mentally, but he let it go too long and just ended up doing the one thing he never wanted to do and hurt people.

Just like the voice in the back of his head always said he would. Just as he always does. They were too much of a good thing and he was bound to fuck it up eventually and would lose them.

Natsu blinked hard at the pricking he felt in his eyes, rubbing palms over them.

That was the thing though, despite how much he struggled with his overwhelming feelings of... love all this time, as much as his insecurities told him he didn't deserve Lucy and it was too much too soon, he didn't want to lose her. Both of them.

But how could he ask for more now? After how much he hurt them, how could she give him another chance?

Happy's curled up against his side now and then there's a couple strong knocks at his door suddenly, making Natsu groan again. He'd just gotten comfortable and wasn't even in the mood to see anyone right now anyway, so whoever it was could go away.

They knock again and then Gray's calling his phone. Ugh, he should've known.

Natsu sighs and lets it go to voicemail and then there's a string of texts.

I know you're in there

Saw your truck downstairs

OPEN UP

More knocks.

Ok that's it. You give me no choice

Gonna use my spare key

Damn, Natsu forgot he gave him one.

He hears his door opening and Gray calling out, probably seeing the empty living room. Then he's poking his head into Natsu's bedroom... with Igneel behind him.

Natsu just groans again.

"Told ya he'd just be in here wallowing."

He gives Gray a look as he slumps down into the armchair in the corner of Natsu's room.

"Had to go tell Dad on me, huh?"

"Well, someone had to. Hardly anyone's heard from you in a couple days."

That's all he's good at right now anyway apparently, he think to himself.

"Now, Natsu, don't get all grumpy," Igneel starts, sitting on the other side of Natsu's bed. "He did tell me what's been going on and I'm glad he did. "What's been going on? You're usually focused and one of the best out there," Igneel asks, concerned pinch in his brows that Natsu hates being the reason for. "You've seemed out of it for a while now."

Natsu sighs deeply, running a hand through his hair again. "It's nothing, I-"

"It's not nothing. It's obviously enough for the Captain to make you take some time off because you're putting yourself at risk out there, now spill it." Igneel uses that stern tone now that Natsu already knows there's no way around it. "We're here for you and we're... worried about you," he asks softer. "Are the mental things getting bad again?"

The last time things got really bad and he shut down was when he was younger and... that happened. His parents had gotten him some help, but he knew it wasn't a cure all and he'd slacked on keeping up with the healthy tools that helped him express himself better and reach out before he let himself get get stuck in the endless spiraling chaos of his thoughts. It would've been helpful this time around, but he always has to make things more difficult for himself.

But enough was enough. He can't let himself sink further without gripping the hands that wanted to help pull him up.

"Ok, ok," Natsu huffs. "I... I fucked things up with Lucy."

"I doubt that's true. What happened?" Igneel asks, voice still calming and soft, giving Natsu the extra encouragement.

Natsu sighs deep and catches them up with everything that had been storming in his heart since Lucy's birthday and by the time he's done, the ache in his chest made the lump in his throat thicker.

"Natsu... you deserve every bit of good in your life. No matter what your mind or past tells you," Igneel says warmly, reaching over to put a warm hand on his shoulder. "Love is a big and overwhelming thing, especially the first time around, and there's never a perfect "acceptable" time to feel it nor does it wait till you're ready. It can hit you all at once and can be an amazing thing," he smiles softly. "So, it's ok to embrace that you're in love with Lucy."

Natsu takes a deep shuttering breath, a strong warmth swelling in his heart all through his body. One that he can now say is... love.

Love. Huh, who would've thought it would happen to him. He sure didn't. But Natsu couldn't imagine feeling this way for anyone else than the amazing woman Lucy was. He wouldn't want to.

While it was a liberating to fully embrace this feeling, now the question was, what happens now?

"Yeah... I am," Natsu whispers, a little breathless. "But- do I tell her? What if this is all too late? What if she doesn't feel the same? That's what I was worried about too, what if I just mess things up more?"

"I think we can also say Lucy totally loves you too," Gray chuckles. "She may not realize it yet either, but we can all see it, so safe to say it'd be ok if you told her."

"He's right," Igneel grins wider. "You can only stay in your head so much, kiddo. It's ok to let your heart start taking the lead. I know there were a lot of confused and hurt feelings in all this, but it's never too late. I know Lucy will understand, Kade too, and you won't know unless you try."

Natsu nods, feeling more grounded, finally letting his frantic thoughts settle.

"Thanks guys," Natsu sighs, finally managing a warm smile.

"See, what would you do without us," Gray smirks, eyes kind still.

"Exactly!" Igneel adds. "Now, no more being reckless out there. Take it easy and get better, and most of all keep us updated on what happens," he grins bright, giving Natsu's shoulder another squeeze.

Natsu laughs lightly with a shake of his head. They eventually help Natsu over to the living room where they put together something to eat. He thinks through things later that night once he's back in bed

He needs to make things right with Lucy. She at least deserves an explanation because he...

He really does love her.

And she deserves to know that too. No matter what happens next.

Thanks for reading!

Hope you're all having a great holiday season so far, and new year coming up soon!
Couldn't let the year end without another chapter of our faves uwu
Bit of a shorter chapter, but this bit of miscommunication is gonna go in hand with something good in the next chapter to make up for it ;) But yay for Natsu finally embracing his full feelings!

Be well and see you in the new year! ❤️