A/N: As in: "The pain in Spain falls mainly on the bad guys' brains." This chapter's title is in honor of the many, many incredibly corny puns in the Uncharted games. Because they're just the best.

Madrid, Spain:

Awash in the golden light spilling off a low-hanging tangerine sun, the pale stonework of the Escarra mansion seemed to glow in the late afternoon warmth as Cassie and company approached, pausing at the top of a hill to overlook it. The street leading to the estate's elegant wrought-iron gates was swarming with people- politicians, socialites, the rich and the affluent- all dressed in up semi-formal wear for Raul's open house. For the occasion, Cutter and Ian had donned black suits without ties, and Solange was styling a lovely burgundy tango dress that made her look effortlessly elegant. Cassie was, of course, not prepared for attending such an event, and so had to go shopping for a dress when they landed in Madrid ("Gettin' to be a ritual, this is," Cutter had remarked). When Ian had offered to take Cassie shopping, Cutter had immediately spurned the offer with a scornful, "No way, mate- she's not going to want to wear whatever obscene thing you turn up." A little red-cheeked, Cassie went with Solange instead, and ended up selecting a tango dress in bright red with white and blue flowers in a slightly more modest style than Solange's.

Now, as she admired the beautiful architecture of the Escarra home- with its creamy walls of hand-hewed stone blocks and its Gothic spires rising dramatically on either end of the otherwise simplistic roof line- Cassie had a sudden twinge in the pit of her stomach, barely noticeable, but just enough to make her a little uneasy. She smoothed a hand down the front of her dress and checked her phone to see if she had any messages from Olivia. There was nothing. Sighing, she did her best to swallow her nerves and decided it was probably just the thought of attending an event like this with so many high-class people that was getting to her.

"Nice place," Cassie finally commented after squashing her anxiety.

Cutter scoffed. "Must be swell, having a swimming pool's worth of moolah to throw into a joint like this."

Glancing over at him with a raised eyebrow, Ian asked, "Are you jealous? I know how much you've always wanted a swimming pool full of treasure."

Cutter side-eyed him. "I might be," he sniffed.

"Alright!" Solange said after a moment. "Everyone have their invitations ready?" Receiving general confirmation in the form of nods from her companions, the olive-skinned girl continued, "Good. I will find Senor Escarra when we're inside. From what I've heard, Raul knew of my father and should be more than willing to show me the coin, which will allow me to confirm it's authenticity at the same time as seeing what kind of security measures are in place." Cassie noticed Solange's eyes were bright and focused, and her accent had become a little thicker as she zeroed in on the task ahead of them. "After that, I'll make sure that he remains distracted and away from the coin long enough that Cassie can slip in and steal it."

"Meanwhile, Cutter and I will be at the open bar," Ian drawled casually. Solange glared at him, and he raised an eyebrow and smiled innocently back. "Oh, and- of course- keeping an eye out for any threats."

Cassie gave a snort of laughter. "Way to take one for the team, Foster. You're really putting in the effort on this one."

"When you've been in this business long enough, luv," Cutter said sagely as he tossed a couple of dragon's eye fruit to himself, "you find out that it's not about how much effort you put in, it's about where you put it in." Suddenly, his face twisted into a disturbed look. "Oi- somehow that ended up sounding a little dirtier than I intended. Oh my god, I've become Victor Sullivan!"

Cassie burst into laughter and shook her head. "You can't escape it, old-timer."

As the group of treasure hunters meandered down the hill, they curiously watched a lively exchange between the security at the gate and one of the guests, both of whom were conversing in a loud, animated chatter of Spanish. "You know, it's times like these I wish I had paid more attention to my foreign languages teacher in high school," Foster mused as he watched the man give the guard a friendly slap on the shoulder and keep walking.

Cutter nodded thoughtfully and squeezed one of the little round fruits between his fingers to pop the pulp into his mouth. Chewing casually as he glanced up at one of the spires of the building, he replied, "You get yourself in a bind, just smile and say 'mucho'." He spat the seed over his shoulder and glanced at Ian. "It means a lot to them," he said flatly.

A beat passed as they reached the gate and paused again. Ian's eyes slid skeptically over to the Englishman while Solange turned and stared, and Cassie just scoffed and rolled her eyes. Seemingly oblivious to their looks, Cutter squeezed the last dragon's eye into his mouth, then dusted his hands together and tugged at the lapels of his suit. "Right-o, let's get to it, shall we?"

The four treasure hunters walked up to the gate, flashed their invites at the security guards standing on either side, and were promptly waved in. They entered a courtyard that was paved with cobblestones and bordered by palm trees on either side, with many small round tables set up that were each big enough for three or four people to gather at. At the center of the courtyard a fountain cast in the image of Pan spouted a myriad of streams into a broad pool at its base, adding ambience and a pleasant white noise to the area.

"You want anything?" Ian's voice caught Cassie off guard as she admired her surroundings, and she looked at him quizzically. "To drink?" he added, motioning to the bar where Cutter was already standing.

"Oh, um," Cass thought for a minute. "Sure."

"Anything particular?"

She hummed and glanced at group of chattering women as they passed. "Surprise me," she said with a smile.

Ian grinned as he started toward the bar, walking backward so he was still facing her. "I'm full of surprises," he said in a flirtatious tone, and Cassie laughed. She watched as Ian turned and strode confidently up to the bar, and an affectionate smile touched her lips as her heart fluttered a little in her chest. It took a minute for her to realize that Solange was standing nearby and also staring at Ian, though she was looking considerably less impressed.

"Men," she said with a shake of her head. "I hope they actually keep a good watch."

Glancing back at Ian as he stood next to Cutter at the bar, Cassie's smile grew a bit in spite of Solange's disapproval. "Don't worry, Rodriguez," she said. "I think they'll do great."

Solange frowned. A look of worry passed over her face, but as quick as it came it was gone, replaced by fixed determination. "I'm going to find Senor Escarra," she announced to Cassie. "Keep close- after I've seen the coin I'll say I need to tell a friend where I'm going, and I'll fill you in on what I was able to find out."

Without waiting for an answer, Solange turned and strode off, the skirt of her dress swishing around her legs. "Roger that," Cassie said quietly. She watched the young woman disappear into the crowd, with her beautiful, well-fitted dress and wavy brown hair tumbling down her back, and Cassie scoffed softly. She sure fits into this crowd better than I do, she thought to herself as she looked around with a frown, reaching up out of habit to touch the little silver ouroboros ring at her neck. To her, Solange was pretty, graceful, full of presence and poise, and perfectly fitted to scenes like this in all the ways she was not. Cassie sighed, and that slightly-sick feeling in the pit of her stomach came back to her. Seeing Ian approaching with her drink, she self-consciously smoothed her hand over the front of her dress again and then tugged at the neckline, inwardly thanking herself for not letting Solange talk her into a garment that showed any more cleavage than the one she was wearing.

"Have I mentioned how absolutely stunning you look this afternoon?" Ian asked as he reached her and handed her a cocktail.

Cassie laughed as she took the beverage, feeling her misgivings about herself dissolve a little in the face of Ian's approval. "It's the third time you've mentioned it, Foss."

"Doesn't make it any less true," he said, raising his glass to her and winking. He took a sip of his drink and slipped one hand into his pocket, looking around. "I think I'll take a stroll. Gotta keep the Spanish girl happy."

"Good idea," Cass agreed, thinking about the conversation she had just had with her. As he walked away, she again found herself staring, and wondering what it was that Ian saw in her. Before she could get too deep into her consideration though, a chirp from her phone called for her attention. Swiping at the screen to unlock it, she pulled up the messages and saw that Olivia had just sent a text that read "Call me". She quickly put in the number and pressed the phone to her ear. "Livvy," she said when her friend answered. "What's up?"

"Cassie? Cass- are you okay? Who are these guys that you're dealing with?"

"Whoa, whoa, wait!" Cassie said before Olivia could get any more questions out. "What's going on? What did you find out?"

Olivia was breathless. "Some invitations were obtained under what appear to be aliases-"

"Yeah, that was us," she interrupted.

"Two dozen of them?" Olivia shot back.

"Ohhh..." Cassie's face fell. "Shit."

With growing concern in her voice, Olivia continued, "Also, a number of unmarked, armored vehicles have been reported in Madrid, heading that direction. Cassie, you might be in serious trouble! You need to-"

"I need to tell Solange!" Cassie hissed under her breath, furtively looking around for anyone that looked suspicious. "Liv, I'll be fine," she added in a hurried aside. "Thanks for the head's up, I gotta go!"

As she hung up the phone, Cutter appeared at her shoulder, swaggering and drinking a Scotch. Seeing Cassie's expression, he lowered his glass and frowned. "Oi- you look like someone just told you your old man's dog died," he said, his brows furrowing in concern. "What happened?"

Cassie swallowed and glanced around again. "You might want to double down on that security detail- I think we have company." She locked eyes with him and added, "I'm going to warn Solange."

"Ah-" Cutter started to say something, but she was already walking away. "Oh, alright." He shrugged and took another sip of his drink.

Cassie strode toward the front door of the mansion, her heart hammering in her ears and her senses on high alert as she weaved through crowds of chatting people. Every passing glance she received, every smile people gave her, and every conversation she half overheard as she passed seemed suddenly suspicious, and it was a relief when she pushed open the heavy mahogany door and stepped into an empty foyer. A rush of cool air hit her, making her skin feel clammy, and she realized that she had begun to sweat.

"Alright," she muttered as she oriented herself. "Gallery's on the second floor, I think." Across the room from her was a grand staircase, rich with dark paneling and casework. Cassie walked briskly toward it, her flat-soled velvet shoes scuffing softly on the tile floor as she passed beneath a shimmering chandelier, when a low groan from behind a side door caught her attention. The noise was so quiet she would have missed it had the foyer not been completely silent, but now she stopped, quirking an eyebrow in curiosity, and cautiously turned and crept toward the noise. Silently wishing for a weapon of some sort, Cassie reached the door and slowly turned the knob. It popped open as soon as the latch was disengaged, and she jumped as a man came spilling out onto the floor.

Barely stifling the urge to scream, Cassie instead sputtered under her breath, "What the heck?", as she stared at the figure in front of her. Clad only in a T-shirt and underwear, the unfortunate man was sporting a nasty-looking bruise on his head and lying motionless on the ground at her feet. Cassie squatted next to the man to check his pulse, and was relieved to find that he was alive, though unconscious. Her eyes went to the gash on his head where an impact from a blunt object had split the skin, and a look of pity spread across her face. "He must have been one of Raul's security guards," she murmured. "Which means-"

With dawning realization, Cassie snapped around, her eyes becoming laser-focused in the direction of the gallery. In a flash, she leaped to her feet and sprinted across the room, ascending the stairs in just a few bounds. Her pulse was racing, pounding in her temples as she bolted down the second floor hallway, determined to find Solange. As she whipped around a corner, the sound of voices talking loudly in Spanish reached her ears.

"¿Quién eres? ¿Qué está sucediendo?" a man's astonished, fearful voice asked.

"¡Cállate!" barked someone in response.

Teeth gritted, Cassie leaned into her run as she covered the last few yards down the hall and then burst into the gallery to see Solange and a man who she assumed was Raul Escarra being threatened by someone dressed in security guard's clothes and brandishing a knife. Taking advantage of the element of surprise, Cassie drove her elbow into the fake security guard's temple and followed with a double-fisted hit to the back of his neck, and the thug crumpled unconscious to the floor.

"Hostia!" Raul exclaimed, running his fingers through his salt and pepper hair. His dark eyes were wild with panic. "What the devil is going on?"

Cassie cleared her throat and her lips quirked into a twisted frown. "It's a long story," she said in lieu of an explanation. Turning to Solange, she added, "Tristan's here."

Solange snorted and glanced between Cassie and the fallen thug. "So I noticed," she bit out.

Ignoring her sarcasm as she hurriedly scanned the room for any more goons, Cassie said, "We gotta go check on Ian and Charlie. Who knows how many of those guys are around here!"

"What about the coin?" Solange asked as she started to turn away.

Cassie looked over at the display case that held the artifact and chewed on her lip, giving a side-glance at Raul. Decisively, she picked up the thug's knife from the ground and threw it at the case, shattering the glass as the Spaniard gasped in shock. Reaching in, Cassie pulled the bronze coin out from among the shards and tossed it to a stunned Solange, saying flatly, "Here. Hang on to it." Then she turned and ran across the room.

Throwing open a set of tall French doors, Cassie stepped out onto a balcony that overlooked the party and clapped her hands to the top of the iron rail as she leaned out. The crowd of guests had parted around a group of men dressed in dark suits surrounding Ian and Cutter, who stood back to back and fists raised in the middle of the courtyard. A collective gasp rippled through the onlookers as some of Tristan's men pulled knives and shouting in Spanish, but despite the overwhelming odds Cassie could hear Cutter taunting the men as they closed in on them. "Oh no, not good!" she said, staring wide-eyed.

Vaulting the railing, Cassie dropped toward the courtyard, her skirt billowing around her as she landed in a crouch on a tabletop below. The guests seated around the table jumped back in surprise, and a few of Tristan's men turned and looked at her with scowls on their faces. "Hey guys- room for one more in this dance?" she quipped, leaping off the table and raising her fists as the thugs broke off from the group and approached her. Knives gleaming and sneers on their faces, they approached Cassie, who clenched her jaw as she spotted a few more men approaching through the crowds.

Oh crap, she thought.

The first of her opponents lunged. Cassie dodged his attack and swung, her fist making impact with his jaw with a sharp crack. Two more were right on his heels, and Cassie fended them off with a flutter of half-planned combos. "Ian! Charlie!" she called out to her comrades who were at that moment being swamped with opponents. "Hang in there, I'm coming!" she yelled as she threw another punch. Cutter shouted back something about not having much of a choice, and Cassie whirled around to beat off another Ocelotl goon but was suddenly grabbed from behind. Grunting as the man's arms wrapped around her stomach, she tried to elbow him in the side but was unable to break out of the hold. Another man came at her from the front, brandishing a knife, and Cassie quickly lifted her legs, kicking him backward while also knocking the man holding her off balance. She stumbled backward with him, and they both tripped over a chair and fell against a table, upsetting its contents. A vase of flowers toppled and rolled to the edge of the table, and Cassie grabbed the slender vessel by the neck and smashed it over the thug's head, breaking free of him and pushing herself to her feet.

"This whole party just got a lot more lively!" Cassie exclaimed as she rushed toward her friends. All around her the crowds were in a panic: guests were screaming, thronging to the exits, and- in the case of those with slightly more presence of mind- talking feverishly into their phones, describing the situation to the local police. That's going to make things complicated here in a minute, Cassie thought to herself. Her path to Ian and Cutter suddenly blocked by two brawny goons, Cassie skidded to a stop but immediately took a punch to the stomach, crying out in pain. She managed to block the next swing and fought back fiercely, soon dispatching the first goon. The second followed moments later as Cassie punched the thug in the face and then grabbed him by the lapels, throwing him onto a nearby table. The thug grunted as he landed heavily on his back, and a moment later another goon went flying into him from the other direction. Buckling under their combined weight, the table collapsed into a pile of broken and splintered boards, with the goons lying on top groaning. Cassie smiled and, spotting Ian nearby, jumped over to help him.

"Nice work," Ian called to her as he fought.

Cassie, engaged in her own battle, shouted back a little breathlessly. "Thanks! You too!" She threw a punch that connected solidly, and followed with an elbow to the underside of her enemy's chin. "Ahh, fistfights before dinner!" she quipped as she laid him out flat on the ground.

Knocked backward by whoever he was fighting, Ian stumbled into her from behind but quickly recovered. "At least no one can say I don't know how to give a girl a good time," he said dryly.

Cassie grinned and ducked a chair as it was swung at her. As she came up, Cassie drove her fist into the thug's gut, then knocked him away with a right hook. "Got that from my mom!" she yelled at him as he sprawled on the ground. Out of the corner of her eye a flash of movement caught Cassie's attention, and she turned in time to see a goon leap from a nearby table, a knife in hand and murder on his face. "Whoa!" Cassie yelped as she tried to dodge.

As the thug fell, poised to plunge the knife into Cassie's chest, a table leg seemed to come out of nowhere, cutting a sweeping curve into the underside of his jaw. Snapping on impact, the wooden leg knocked the thug's head back and he gave a choked cry of pain as he flipped and landed spread-eagle on the pavers, the knife clattering harmlessly away. Stunned, Cassie looked over to see Cutter holding the broken end of the table leg, a grim smirk on his face. "Better luck next time, mate," he said as he tossed the stub aside.

Cassie smiled gratefully, and gave a huff of laughter. "You ever try out for baseball, Charlie?"

Cutter looked at her like he had been insulted. "Baseball?" he snorted. "What kind of indignity are you talking, mate? That was my golf swing!"

"Right," Cassie smiled as they both looked around for more Ocelotl. "British- I forgot." Turning on her heel, Cassie started running toward Ian again to lend a hand in his battle when she was caught off guard by a broad, muscle-bound shoulder slamming into her side. "Ugh!" she grunted as the wind was knocked out of her. Stunned and folded over a thug's shoulder, Cassie was rammed into the face of the bar, where she slid to the ground in a daze. Before she could recover, a punch caught her on her left cheekbone, and then she was lifted and hurled over the bar, sweeping the counter clean as she slid across it and into the rack of liquor bottles on the other side, knocking some bottles loose. Cassie fell to the ground, landing in a sprawl of broken glass and alcohol, and she groaned as she pushed herself up and gingerly touched the spot on her cheek where she had just been punched. It was quite tender, making her wince when she pressed on it. "That's gonna take some extra makeup to cover..." she muttered.

The burly thug who had attacked her was running her way, coming towards her from the open end of the bar. Shaking herself back to attention, Cassie quickly improvised a plan. Grabbing the door to the wine cooler, she threw it open and clotheslined the thug as he rushed her, the glass shattering on the thug's face and knocking him out cold as he flipped backward onto the ground. "Drinks are a little on the warm side!" Cassie snarked as she nudged his unconscious form with her foot and started to exit the bar. Two more goons shouted at her and came running to help their fallen comrade. "Man, these guys just keep coming!" Cassie griped as she snagged a liquor bottle. Jumping up to sit on the bar, shee spun around and kicked one of the goons in the face and then smashed the bottle over the other's head as she hopped off onto the pavers.

Just as the commotion in the courtyard was beginning to settle down with the fall of many of Tristan's lackeys, the shrill sound of sirens pierced the darkening skies. Wide-eyed, Cassie quickly ran across the courtyard to find her partners, a task that was significantly easier now that the party had almost entirely cleared out. The sparse remnants of guests that did still remain were mostly running frantically about looking for their friends or possessions, and other than that the area was only occupied by the three treasure hunters and a lot of groaning Ocelotl thugs all trying to pick themselves up off the ground. Catching up to Cutter and Ian, Cassie asked breathlessly, "Hear that?"

Cutter gazed out in the direction of the sirens. "Do I ever!" he said grimly. Looking at his two younger partners, he added, "That's our cue to go. Let's find Solange and get out o' here while we still can!"

Another A/N: To hear what this chapter sounds like in my head, play the song "Museum Bust" from Drake's Deception while you read it. Imagine that the frantic violins start when Cassie takes off running after finding the security guard, and the Flamenco-style guitars kick in right when the fight starts...;-)