A/N: I was inspired by your last chapter about how Aspen became a supervisor, and decided to write this about Kellan, including just after he joined the Hunt. :)

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

During the first weeks at the Hunt and his new life, Kellan felt lost. It was like he was scrambling to regain something of himself, of his memories, but he had already lost himself. Who was he really, if he could not remember his past?

He still wore his tattered Shadowhunter gear, which was stained with blood, for it was all he had. He didn't need that to help him stand out though. His eyes both contained a bright gold, as one had not yet changed, as it did after one joined the Hunt. The gold stood out like a mark, as those with a good deal of demon blood would never have a feature so bright and angelic. Then there was the faded Runes marking his body as faded scars, although they were mostly hidden by his gear, besides the one on the back of his hand, and the one on the side of his neck.

The other faeries taunted him, calling him "Shadowhunter scum," and other such derogatory names. He grew used to that. But there was one young faerie who looked at him with such hate that day, that he had to force himself not to recoil.

"Is something the matter?" he asked him, tentatively, drawing a little closer, as if to comfort him when the faerie wiped away a tear, quickly. But the faerie's words made him freeze.

"You Shadowhunters killed my sister," he hissed, rage suddenly burning in his eyes, and Kellan wondered whether he might hit him. He looked angry enough to.

Swallowing in shame, Kellan lowered his gaze. "I'm sorry," he whispered, knowing the words weren't enough. That he could never make up for what happened.

… What if he had done it? The thought had made him sick, but he didn't know himself. He didn't know if he had been capable of such a thing. His body held the marks of battles, and he could not say where they were from.

"Sorry's not good enough. Sorry doesn't bring her back," the faerie retorted, and when he and his group of friends moved closer, Kellan did not move away.

"I know that, although I wish it did," Kellan sighed, watching them with a hint of sorrow in his eyes. He did not flinch when they spat on him or scratched him, or tore at his Shadowhunter gear, merely accepting it silently. He knew he could fight without a weapon – that he could defend himself – but he doubted whether he deserved such an easy escape. If he had caused pain to them or anyone in the past, this could be his penance.

"Now, now," said a voice to the side, and the other faeries paused. "You had better leave my pet here alone."

A group of regal looking faeries – former Seelie, no doubt – approached, and Kellan just stared at them. Why were they helping him exactly? Some of the faeries in the earlier group muttered some things in annoyance, but they eventually scattered, leaving him alone with the new group.

"A former Shadowhunter is an odd one for Gwyn to recruit," one of them with long, dark hair mused aloud, as they formed a circle around him.

"Strange indeed," another agreed, with a slight laugh in amusement. Kellan found it strange that they talked as if he wasn't there.

The leader – Ronan they had called him – reached out to tilt Kellan's chin up, his finger brushing against a cut on his cheek. Some of the other faeries curled their fingers in his hair, and it made him feel uncomfortable. Then, Ronan lowered his hand. "I think you'd make a nice pet. A unique one. If you'll be our pet, then we'll protect you from the others. How does that sound?"

When Kellan remained silent, Ronan raised an eyebrow. Slowly, he slid one of his gloves off, before dropping it on the ground. "Fetch, pet."

Kellan met his eyes, staring for a moment, before he bent down to pick up the glove. The faerie looked satisfied when Kellan picked it up, before passing it to him, but Kellan turned away afterwards. "As kind as your offer is, I don't need your protection," he said simply, keeping his manner polite enough.

"Not so fast-…" One of the faeries frowned, grabbing his arm, before pushing him to the ground. It was so sudden that he couldn't quite keep his footing, and the ground was hard when he met it, jarring his arm. Before he could murmur something to remain diplomatic, they backed away from him, and he looked up quickly, meeting the black and blue eyes and large figure of Gwyn ap Nudd. Kellan immediately lowered his head in a sign of respect.

"Leave us," Gwyn commanded to the faeries, and they left quickly, without another word.

Ashamed, and wondering if he'd disappointed Gwyn when he didn't say anything else, Kellan stayed where he was. Gwyn had been the closest thing to a father that he'd had since he'd joined the Hunt. The thought of disappointing him made Kellan feel a little sick.

Finally, Gwyn held out a hand to him. Surprised, Kellan stared at it for a moment, before tentatively taking it. Gwyn pulled him up, and his memory flashed back to when Gwyn had first saved him, pulling him from a pool of blood. "I'm sorry, I-…" Kellan started, but the words died in his throat, as Gwyn draped a dark brown cloak over his shoulders.

"You must be strong, in the Hunt," Gwyn said simply, pressing something into his hand.

Looking down, Kellan glanced at the coins in his hand, questioningly.

"Buy yourself some new clothes," Gwyn suggested, nodding towards his bloody Shadowhunter gear. "That will help. And buy yourself a decent weapon."

"Thank you," Kellan said gratefully, not knowing whether he deserved such kindness. "I won't let you down, Gwyn. I promise you that."

Gwyn nodded, turning away, although he paused for a moment. "Let anyone who bothers you know that you're under my protection," he added, before he started away, through the trees.

Kellan could only watch him go in slight awe, until he disappeared from view.

Things got better after that, once one of his eyes darkened slightly, and he changed his clothes, the familiar feel of a weapon at his side. None of the faeries were too terrible to him, for no one wanted to upset Gwyn, and his presence at the Hunt soon became old news.

He befriended a few faeries who didn't mind him, and he busied himself with duties in the Hunt, wanting to give back to the group that had saved him.

The Hunt became familiar. A family, even if a dysfunctional one, at that. It was the only place he could call home, and he was grateful for that, and the fact that someone like him had been invited in.

He was a rarity maybe, but he could deal with that. They were all outcasts, in their own way.

When some of the new recruits struggled to learn how to fight, and others had given up on them, Kellan gathered them into a group, deciding to teach them himself.

While some of his methods and fighting styles were unconventional – having been trained as a Shadowhunter – he adapted them to suit the faeries better, and their different strengths. His group was improving, and he watched them with pride, as they practiced with their partners. Moving between the groups, he stopped to praise a faerie who had mastered a new technique, before adjusting the grip of another faerie, on his sword.

It was only when he finally looked over at the side, that he noticed a familiar figure waiting there for him. Dismissing the faeries, so that they could have a rest, he walked over to Gwyn quickly, not wanting to keep him waiting.

"Your group is doing well, Kellan," Gwyn stated, and Kellan could almost swear that he heard a hint of fondness in his voice. There were rumours that Gwyn had a soft spot for Kellan, and he wondered sometimes if it was true. He hoped it was. "You've certainly proven your worth. I was right to recruit you."

Kellan blushed at the praise, lowering his gaze modestly. "I try my best. The only reason they improve, is because they work hard."

There was a rumble in approval, and Gwyn rested his hand on Kellan's shoulder. "You are a hard worker yourself. I have noticed that." Gwyn raised his chin, his stare as powerful as ever. "I would like to make you a supervisor."

Freezing at the surprising words, Kellan's blush deepened, trying to process his words. "Me? But-… But I do not know if I am a fitting leader."

"Do you doubt my judgement?" Gwyn asked in reply, and Kellan shook his head quickly. "Then you will trust that my thoughts are right, and take up my offer."

Smiling slightly, a little unsure of his own abilities, Kellan knelt in front of him, placing a hand over his heart. "Then I will take your offer. I swear I will be a fair and honest supervisor."

"Rise, Kellan," Gwyn responded, giving a nod. "Your duties await."

Standing up, Kellan raised his chin, wanting to do his best. He would not take such power lightly. Nor would he ever abuse it.

He could not help but think that it was nice for once, to feel like he had a place of his own.

'Cause now again I found myself so far down
Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down away from the sun again

~ Lyrics from Away From the Sun by 3 Doors Down.