Prodigal Son 15

Astrid had always found reading a laborious activity. It was true that she had memorized the Book of Dragons, but that was out of necessity. The facts relayed in those pages were vital to the village's survival. Now she was forced to sit down again with a different book, telling her everything she knew was wrong.

And she would have to memorize it for her own survival. She knew that if she made it out, the irony would amuse her. Luckily for her, Hiccup's handwriting was neat and crisp, a little smudged on occasion due to the fact the book had been soaked with seawater, but it was still more than legible.

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, eighteenth day.

My name is Hiccup Haddock. I am the first Viking ever to see a Night Fury. Or the first to have survived, at least.

Raid occurred just before midnight yesterday. Ran to forge to help Gobber. Used my net trap to catch a Night Fury. Saw it go down near Raven Point.

Tried to help. Screwed up. Dragons escaped with a quarter of our food stores. Told dad about the Night Fury. He doesn't believe me. I wouldn't either if I hadn't seen it myself. Am going to find it and prove it to dad! This fixes everything! I'm not a screw-up anymore! I am a Viking!

Note: Redesign Net trap sights. Also swivel mechanism at base needs to move more quickly. Caught Night Fury by fluke. A predictable success rate depends on aiming adjustment speed. More lubrication maybe?

See sketches Net Trap 42C-42G

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, nineteenth day.

Found the Dragon. Was going to kill it with my dagger, but freed it instead! I know it'll probably be back to attack Berk and kill more of us again, but I just couldn't sink my knife in! I felt sorry for it. I can't kill even dragons when they're lying on the ground all tied up. I shot down a Night Fury and I have no proof. People still think my trap is a failure. People still think that I'm a failure. I freed it. I let it go, and now if that Night Fury kills any more of us, those deaths will be on my head.

Some Viking.

Got home. Dad put me in Dragon Training the day I discovered I can't kill dragons. Wonderful. I tried to tell him no, but he doesn't listen to me. He is leaving for Helheim's Gate. I hope he comes home okay, but what am I going to do?

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, twentieth day.

First day in the kill ring. Nearly got blasted by an angry Gronckle. Off to a great start.

-Shield is more important than sword

-Noise throws off a Dragon's aim

-All dragons have a limited number of shots

-Gronkle only has six shots

-A dragon will always go for the kill

Will a dragon always go for the kill? When I freed the Night Fury it did not kill me even though it had the chance. This is important. We've spent three hundred years killing them all on sight, and assuming they'd do the same to us. Yet the Night Fury didn't. Why not? Was Gobber wrong? I don't want to question him, but I have to. He's seen a lot more than me, but 'Always' is a very definitive word, and he sounded so sure when he said it. What else is Gobber wrong about?

Went back to Raven Point. Not sure why. Looking for answers.

The Dragon is still there! It's trapped in a cove. It can't fly away. It's missing half a tailfin. It looked …scared. And hungry.

Read the book of dragons. Some information may be relevant i.e. common nesting sites, classes and types, abilities, etc. But every entry ends with 'Kill on Sight'. That is not so useful. How old is this book? How much have we learned since? Why hasn't it been updated? Why are we still using it? Has anyone attempted to research Dragons since then? The entry on Night Furies contains no useful information. 'Hide and pray it does not find you.'? That is not useful.

Perhaps I can add to it. Perhaps I can learn from the dragon at Raven Point. I'll bring it some food tomorrow. It looked like it was hungry. Maybe it will let me get closer if I feed it first.

I'll just have to pray it doesn't eat me.

What in Hel's name am I doing?

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, Twenty-first day.

During class today asked Gobber about Night Furies. He doesn't know anything about them. I love Gobber. He let me work at the Forge, and experiment with my designs. He's been so good to me over the years, but I'm starting to wonder how much he actually thinks about all of this. The war and everything. I nearly got killed by a Nadder today in the ring. At the very least I have to question his teaching methods.

But there's a bigger issue here: no one else is asking any questions! Astrid and Snotlout and Fishlegs and the Twins. No one has ever stopped to think about Dragons. The moment they get a weapon in their hands they just charge in.

Astrid said 'our parent's war is about to become ours' and 'figure out which side you're on'.

I am not a dragon. Which side I'm on should be obvious!

Is this how we see the world? In such black and white terms? It is easy to fear and hate them. After all, every time Gobber puts us in the Kill Ring with one of them, there is no doubt they try to kill us.

But what do we expect? We keep them underfed and locked in a dark room. Perhaps they're just scared. Perhaps they're just hungry.

It is true that the dragons during the raids attack and sometimes kill us. But we greet them with a hail of arrows, and do everything we can to kill them. Is this a war? Who started it? I've never gotten the impression the dragons were particularly organized. They could probably do a lot more damage to our village if they were. Are they trying to wipe us out? They could easily burn all of Berk to the ground but instead they fly off with our livestock. True, archers and warriors get killed, the occasional family gets burned up, but are the dragons actually trying to kill us, or just take our food? Starving us to death makes no sense, not when they can just burn all us instead.

Thought experiment: Three fields, side by side. Field one has a herd of sheep, field two has sheep protected by warriors, and field three has a farmhouse on it with women and children inside, protected by warriors.

Which field would the Dragons go for? Field one, field two, or field three?

If this is a war and they want to kill us all, they'd go for field three. It would cause the most damage to us. Burning that farm wipes out the Vikings. If, on the other hand, they just want the food, they'd go for field one.

We've seen this happen on Berk. Silent Sven's sheep are regularly stolen by Dragons, yet they leave his home with his family inside it intact. Would they perhaps attack his house if there were no sheep left in the field?

Field two I think best represents what's actually going on. They want food, and they're willing to brave our warriors to get it. People are edible, right? It's a terrible thought but if they can't get a sheep, a small child would do just as well.

I don't think it's a war. I think they're just trying to survive.

I also know now that my peers and Gobber and my father are not asking these questions. If I share my secret with them, they will not study the Night Fury. They will simply kill it because it is an enemy.

I went back to Raven Point. I brought a fish and a shield with me. Gobber said that shields were useful, and I will probably need it if things go badly.

I am reorganizing this journal. I am going to study this dragon. I'm going to learn what the truth is in the hope that we learn a more effective way to handle the raids. Once I collect enough evidence, I'm going to take it to my father. Lives will be saved on both sides, but we're smarter. It is up to us to adapt to them. If Dragons are just hungry, it means they are just animals. Animals can be discouraged and repelled. Animals can be trained. I resolve to train this dragon, and to learn from it. I'll try to present my findings in a way which is useful to anyone else who reads this journal.

Training the Dragon - Day 1

Got my shield stuck between two boulders. A fantastic start.

The Night Fury approached slowly, acting cautious. It stopped when it saw that I had my knife on me. I think this means it's smart enough to be capable of learning not just from its own experiences, but from what happens to other dragons as well. I had to throw my knife into a nearby pond before it would approach me again. It vomited up half the fish and dropped it in my lap to eat. It made sure I swallowed my mouthful, but did not seem to demand another bite. To me this indicates an act of trust as much as it does the mere sharing of food. I am taking this as a gesture of trust or friendship. I wonder, can all dragons regurgitate, or just the Night Furies?

Personal Note: my Night Fury has retractable teeth. I'm going to refer to him from now on as 'Toothless'.

Toothless is curious, and capable of imitating my behaviors. When I smiled at him, he tried to smile back, pulling his lips away from his gums.

I spent the rest of the day at the cove with him, hanging around and seeing how close I could get. Toothless grew more relaxed as the day wore on, even daring to fall asleep with me in sight. When I approached, he woke up and moved away, but at no time did he display any aggressive behavior.

Dragons can create, and they take pride in things. I drew Toothless' face in the dirt. He pulled up a small sapling and scribbled his own pattern. It had no organization to it, just a scribble. Yet he grew angry when I stepped on it. I don't think Toothless recognized himself in my drawing. I've discovered a limit to his intelligence.

Or maybe it was just a really bad picture.

When a dragon is hunched low to the ground, and its eyes are narrowed into slits, it is displaying hostile behavior. Approach cautiously because it does not trust you. Wider pupils means more trust.

How to Train your Dragon, Step 1: Assuming you have your dragon, work to Establish Trust. I brought the Night fury food, and made it clear I was not there to hurt it. Once trust was established, we could approach one another. Once we grew used to each other's presence, he let me touch him.

When I had stretched out my hand to him, I was utterly convinced I was about to lose my arm. I was offering no food, and Toothless could easily have mistaken it for a threat. My dad always said that getting hurt was an occupational hazard for a Viking, but that didn't mean I necessarily had to look forward to it. Not like the twins, at any rate. Even Astrid said 'It's only fun if you get a scar out of it.' Why are we supposed to celebrate this?

It may have been a dumb move, or a gamble but I had to do it! I need Toothless to trust me. I had to know for sure! I had to confirm it! Dragons can be gentle! They can be friendly. We can interact with each other without trying to kill one another. That is the truth. After 300 years of war, that is the truth.

And no one in Berk will ever accept it.

What am I doing? How am I going to convince anyone of anything? No one listens to me anyway.

Gobber said something terrible at dinner tonight. It was awkward and strange, sitting around that firepit, listening to Snotlout and the Twins as they shared stories about what they plan to do to any dragons they meet. Hearing Gobber tell the tales of how he lost his hand and his foot to the dragons.

Every piece of information we're being given is teaching us to hate and fear dragons. These messages are good for warriors. I've never been a fighter. Not like Dad, or Gobber, but I doubt hesitating is good for a Warrior during a battle. Not like I hesitated when the dagger was in my hand. Astrid never hesitates. I wonder what she would do if she knew my secret.

I can't tell anyone. It would only result in two things: Toothless' death, and my dad giving up on me for good. I would probably end up an exile.

At dinner tonight, Gobber said that a downed dragon is a dead dragon. He's right. The longer Toothless is stuck at Raven Point the greater the chances that someone will find him. A hunting party, maybe. Or Astrid. She always wanders through the woods when she's training. If anyone finds Toothless, he is as good as dead. What happened to him is my fault, and if he dies, that'll be my fault too.

I have to keep him alive, and I know how I'm going to do it.

Gobber lost his foot, and he wears a peg leg. Can I perhaps build Toothless a false tailfin to replace the one he lost?

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, Twenty-second day.

Training Toothless – Day 2

Worked all night to build a false tailfin. Left early for Raven Point. I brought a basket of fish with me. I need Toothless distracted while I attach his prosthetic. I'm not sure how well he'll take the false tail, but I hope he understands I'm trying to help. There's only one way to find out.

I managed to get the prosthetic strapped to his tail. The first time he tried to take off, I was actually sitting on his tail. It was amazing! We were only in the air for a few seconds, but I realized we had a boatload of other problems: The prosthetic cannot stay open. It also can't open and close in sync with his real fin. It is also made of wood and leather. Neither of these materials last, and the prosthetic would need regular maintenance in order for him keep flying. This was supposed to be so simple: Give the dragon a new tailfin, and get him off the island before anyone finds him. This is not going to work. He needs me. He can't work the fin himself, and he can't maintain it himself.

I've come to realize that if I want him to fly, I need to be up in the air with him. What have I gotten myself into?

My next design will include a saddle. A place for me to sit while I work his fin. I'm frightened, but also excited. I wonder what Berk looks like from a Dragon's point of view. What does life feel like when you can soar above the clouds, flit from island to island in a matter of minutes instead of hours.

This could be the coolest thing I've ever done!

Note: Night Furies hate Eels. I wonder if this is true of other dragons. It's worth remembering at least. It might save my life in the ring.

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, Twenty-third day.

Training Toothless – Day 3

Spent the morning in the Kill Ring. I had the eel with me and I used it to chase a Hideous Zippleback back into its cage. Turned around to find the rest of the class staring at me. I've got to be more careful about how and when I use what I've learned. I don't want to get too good too quickly, or else they'll start asking questions.

I spent the rest of the day in the forge, building my saddle. I've attached a string to the Prosthetic so that I can pull it open when Toothless needs it.

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, Twenty-fourth day.

Training Toothless – Day 4

Toothless made me chase him all over the cove before he finally let me put the saddle on. He thought it was a game. It was annoying on the one hand, but on the other, I'm glad he thinks of me as someone he can play with. We're well past being afraid of eachother. He didn't like the saddle at first, but when I held up the prosthetic, he seemed excited. I think he understands what I'm trying to do. I think he wants to fly again. Of course he does! I would!

We tried something simple to start with: gliding across the cove. I pulled the string too hard and twisted his tail. It sent both of us crashing into the pond. I need more precise control!

Also, I need both hands to hold onto him. I'll try tying the rope to my foot.

Went back to the forge to redesign everything. See sketches 'Tailfin 3.1A-3.1R'

Added a safety harness. The last thing I want is to fall off of Toothless in mid-air. It just makes sense. Thank Odin Gobber hasn't walked in on me yet. I've been thinking of moving a few tools to Raven Point, so that I can make minor adjustments there instead of risking discovery at the forge. I've taken to explaining my redesigns to Toothless. I don't know why, but I feel like I should keep him informed. It's his prosthetic, after all. Anything else would be unfair somehow. I don't know how much he absorbs or understands, but it helps me think, and he looks far more interested in my work than anyone in Berk ever was.

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, Twenty-fifth day.

Training Toothless – Day 5

Morning at class. Read through the book of dragons. I could hardly pay attention. I spent all my time thinking about changes I could make to Toothless' prosthetic. It's getting easier to lie to everyone. No one expected me to pay attention anyway, but Astrid looked pissed off. At least she looked. It's more than was happening before.

I tried tying the tailfin adjustment line to my foot, and encountered the same problem. I'm starting to lose track of how many times Toothless and I have fallen, but I'm getting tired of it. I need to sit down and think of a way to make fine, predictable, and repeatable adjustments to Toothless' prosthetic. This will need a more complex system.

Looks like it's back to the drawing board.

Note: During one of our flights, Toothless and I crashed into a field full of long grass. He wouldn't stop rolling in it, and he wouldn't stop purring. I had to fetch cod from my bag in the cove in order to get him out of there. It's an interesting effect, though. I grabbed a handful just in case. I'm looking forward to testing it on other dragons in the Kill Ring.

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, Twenty-sixth day.

Training Toothless – Day 6

Gobber put us up against a Gronckle today. It charged at me, but I rubbed the long grass on its nose and it keeled right over. I managed to keep the grass hidden, but now everyone thinks I punched out a Gronckle. This is getting out of hand. They're starting to follow me around, asking questions! I hate all this attention. It's what I've wished for all my life, but now I just want to be left alone with Toothless. I want to redesign his saddle again! I want to fly!

Note: While playing with Toothless I discovered that he loves being scratched. Especially his neck and his back above his wings. Under his chin, there's a spot which puts him right to sleep if you scratch it just right. It certainly made putting on his new saddle a lot easier. I wonder if other dragons have the same weakness.

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, Twenty-seventh day.

Training Toothless – Day 7

Following morning in the ring, we were facing off against the Nadder. It went after me, but stopped as soon as I dropped my weapon. This proves that if we show we aren't a threat, they won't attack us.

Astrid came charging in with her axe. I had to stop her from killing it so I tried scratching under its chin and it flopped to the ground exactly the same way Toothless did. I know I made a promise to be more subtle, but I had to do something! She was going to kill it! Or it was going to kill her. One of them was going to die unless I acted. But now everyone is following me now. It's getting harder and harder to slip away to Raven Point. The all piled around me at dinner. Asking questions and saying what a great dragon-killer I was going to be, how they always knew how great I was. Snotlout was saying that he never lost faith. I think he's forgotten all those times he kept dunking my head in the privy, and the twins have forgotten how hard they laughed. It's really annoying because I know they don't actually care. But suddenly they all want to be my friend.

Astrid is getting angrier by the day. I think she's starting to resent me. I don't blame her; she was at the head of the class, and now she's not. The trouble is that I don't want to be either. How do I keep this in the background? How do I keep Toothless safe? How can I be the new pride of Berk while I'm flying a dragon around? Sooner or later someone is going to hand me an axe and expect me to charge into battle with them.

What is dad going to think when he gets home?

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, Twenty-eighth day.

Training Toothless – Day 8

I did take a few tools back with me when I finally managed to slip away. I redesigned the saddle and added a guide system. Now the Adjustment line runs through a small pulley and along a wire guide. I was hammering away at the circular peddle adjustment guide when I noticed that Toothless was chasing something on the far side of the cove.

The sunlight was reflecting off my hammer, and shining a bright spot on the ground. Watching him trying to catch it was a lot of fun, and I only stopped when he was starting to get really frustrated. I don't know what he'd do if he was angry. He might roar loud enough to alert someone in a hunting party. Either way I used the trick in the Kill Ring when a Terrible Terror was chewing on Tuffnut's nose. Everyone thinks I just chased it back into its cage. No one in this village ever sees anything!

That's not quite true. Astrid caught me lugging my eighth redesign (Sketches Tailfin 8.4A-8.4E) back to Raven Point. It was bound to happen sooner or later. We both head to the woods after classes. She likes throwing her axes at trees and I… like training dragons, apparently. Why can't my life ever be simple? It took me a little while to lose her, but I think she's getting really suspicious. I'll have to be more careful.

I think design 8.4 is it. It's the one. I have fine-tuned, predicable control over the movement of the prosthetic tailfin. Its guide isolates the movement, preventing my adjustment of the prosthetic from interfering with the greater movements Toothless' tail need to make. I'm no longer going to be yanking it to the side and throwing us off-balance.

No more crashing into that pond, thank the gods!

I rode Toothless around the cove for a little while. He got used to carrying my extra weight very quickly, and was especially pleased when I rewarded him with an extra fish or two. We managed to take off and land outside the cove. I was only in flight for a few seconds, but it was quite a rush when we managed to land safely in the forest a few meters from the edge.

Toothless seemed really happy to be out of there. I'm going to feel all guilty when I leave him there again at the end of the day. I can't wait to start flying in earnest, but I know we need more practice. Toothless and I have grown very close, but we need to be able to read each other. I need to understand what his movements mean. I cannot see how far he has extended his real tailfin. I need to be able to read his needs and adjust the prosthetic accordingly. He also needs to learn how to work with me. We're a team now, and we need to practice together.

I set up an anchor on the edge of a windy clifftop. It straps onto Toothless' saddle. I'm hoping this will allow us to simulate flying conditions without putting either of us in real danger. I've started to take notes on the various positions the prosthetics can take, and what each of them mean. There's position one, which is full flight, position 2 I think is and easy glide, position three made Toothless try and bat his wings forward. He nearly pulled the anchor out, so I'm pretty sure it's the signal to speed up. Position five closed the tail, and we dropped to the ground. Position six makes him spread his wings wide against the wind. That's how we're going to slow down.

I think Toothless is able to intuitively read the way the wind moves around us, the strain on his tailfins or something. He knows what I want him to do, and we can communicate through the fin positions. I still have to find a way to turn from side to side, but it's an enormous breakthrough. It also means I ultimately have control over what we do. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Toothless is his own man. Dragon. Whatever. I meant this to free him, not make him even more reliant on me, but at the same time, I can't help feeling relieved. I really enjoyed the time we've spent together over the course of this project. He's taught me so much…

I would have thought he would have a much harder time with all of this. He lost his fin, afterall. I can't imagine what it would be like for me to lose my foot. But he seems happy to be around me, even if it means having all this annoying gear strapped to him. I wonder if he felt as lonely as I did before we met.

Either way I want to help him and thank him. Do something to make this more comfortable for him. I'm going to line the underside of the leather saddle with lamb fur, to prevent it from chafing and make it more comfortable for him. I think he'll appreciate it.

Had another close-shave with Astrid: We were practicing when gust of wind sent us flying back into the forest. It was my fault. I screwed up and used position six instead of position two. Not important. The problem was that the latch for my safety harness got bent out of shape, and none of the tools at Raven Point could get it unstuck. I was stuck to Toothless. I had to wait until nightfall and then sneak back into the village with him to get the proper tools. Astrid caught me outside the forge. I only just got away. Man, she's going to be so angry that I just bailed on her.

It was all too close. Far too close! This is getting beyond dangerous, but I'm too far in to stop. There is no way I'm going to leave my friend out there in the cove, and I'm not going to turn him in, either. Everyone on Berk is a thug, and they'd just kill him on sight. I simply can't let that happen.

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, Twenty-ninth day.

Training Toothless – Day 9

Flight day.

I skipped dragon training entirely today. I don't want it. I don't need it. It's pointless, and it's only going to get me into more trouble. It's only going to cut down on my time with Toothless. This entire village hated me just two weeks ago. How can anyone's opinions change that quickly? Some of them might be genuine but somehow I just can't get used to having all of this attention. I don't trust it. I don't trust them either. I can't afford to.

I left just before dawn broke, and ran as fast as I could to Toothless' cove. It took me a little longer than usual because I was lugging two bags of fish for Toothless. I think he's going to be hungry after the flight. My stomach is full of butterflies, but I need to do this! I have to. We've practiced and we're ready, and I have my cheat sheet with me, just in case. I have my safety harness as well. I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be!

I rode Toothless up the side of the mountain. Normally a hike like that would take a hunting party half a day. It took us all of half an hour. We practiced gliding for a little while, turning gently from side to side high above the sea stacks off of raven point. Berk looks so small form up there! All the people, all my fellow villagers, they all look so tiny. Just little dark dots moving from house to house even the doors of the great hall, which are so very tall, are barely the size of my fingernail from up there. If only they could see what I saw! If only they could feel what I felt! It was terrifying and exhilarating, but I've never felt so alive!

And we dived. I felt… I felt like the gods had switched off everything. I felt like I was floating, weightless like a cloud and zooming down towards the waves. Toothless and I were still perfecting our system, but I learned I can control us through leaning. When I want to bring us closer to the earth, I lean forward. When we want to rise, I lean back. Left to go left, right to go right. It is as simple and intuitive on this page as it is in the air.

The difference is actually keeping one's head. Overcoming all the fear and worry and learning how to read and respond to Toothless as he reads and responds to me. You have to be utterly fearless to fly, but the reward is worth it! The experience is worth it! I want to be up there with him forever! Why didn't the god's give us wings? Doesn't matter. One day I'll make my own. I'll find a way! One day it'll be me and my buddy up there, soaring through the clouds, side by side! I'm so proud of Toothless! And I'm so proud of me! If only I could share this with everyone!

I nearly died on that flight. Toothless and I were rising. It is incredible, to have his massive wings beating on either side, pulling us further and further towards Asgard. I lost my cheat sheet, and grabbed for it but my safety harness slipped loose. Toothless and I both started to fall but I managed to get back into the saddle and slow us down. I've never gone so fast in my life, even as we were trying to slow down, the air trail behind us was knocking snow off the treetops. We survived it, and managed to fly through the seastacks and out towards the open sea.

I spent all day flying with him. We landed on a deserted island north of Berk, and had lunch. I cooked a fish or two for myself while Toothless ate the rest. A few Terrible Terrors came by, looking for something to eat. I gave one my fish and he cuddled up beside us. They're adorable little guys! They all are. If we could find it in ourselves to stop killing them, we could learn so much! We could do so much! Everything we think know about them is wrong!

This is terrible! I feel like everything is backwards! The entire village loves me, now that I'm competent in the ring. But it's all a lie. Instead of being a respected warrior, I've discovered that I can't kill dragons at all. The thought sickens me. I'm haunted by fears of what would happen if they ever found Toothless. I finally have Viking friends, but they're only there because they all want to learn my secret. My only true friend is supposed to be my mortal enemy, and Astrid…

Astrid still hates me. I had imagined that at least would change. I hadn't planned for this rivalry, I just wanted her to notice I existed!

What will happen when my father gets back? What will happen when I become champion, and they'll expect me to kill the Nightmare? I will become champion. No one else stands a chance. Not even Astrid. She can train as hard as she likes but in the end I know how to handle the dragons. I must stay one step ahead of the others, Astrid included because if I don't, they're going to kill the dragons in the ring. I've managed to avoid any deaths so far. I used Dragon Nip on the Gronckle, and dealt with the Nadder. Thank Thor that Toothless and the Nadder are so similar.

But I know that it is all false. Just putting off the inevitable. The champion has to kill the Monstrous Nightmare. I will see a dragon die, or I will lose everything. I know that if my father comes back, he will not rest until he sees me slay a Monstrous Nightmare. I keep looking to Toothless, hoping he has an answer. He's become such a good friend. Someone I can finally trust and tell my troubles to. And I know he understands far more than he lets on.

Maybe Astrid was right. Maybe I am on the wrong side of this war, but I can't imagine hurting any of the other villagers either. There has to be a way out of this!

Dad got home today. I literally just finished writing the above entry when he came into the forge to find me. It was the happiest I've ever seen him. I was panicking. I thought for a moment he'd found out about Toothless somehow, but he hadn't. Everyone had just told him what they thought was going on in the ring. Everyone told him how great a dragon killer I was. None of them have noticed that I haven't killed any dragons!

He said he couldn't wait to see me spill a Nadder's guts, or mount my first Gronckle head on a spear, but the thoughts sicken me. All of these dragons are just animals, not enemies! It's not their fault! They don't deserve all of this hatred!

He said more, though. He said that for years I was the worst Viking Berk had ever seen. That hurt. A lot. I had always known that's what he thought, but I didn't expect him to just come out and say it like that. It really really hurt, but it made me see things so very clearly.

I knw what defines a good Viking, and I know that I want no part of that. For the first time I can remember, my father is proud of me, and for the first time ever, that's not my priority anymore.

I was so scared he knew. The pictures of Toothless' new saddle designs were right there on the table. Everything he needed to see to understand what I was really doing were all right there, laid out in plain sight, yet he never saw it. Like everyone on this island he is blind to the truth. Somehow to him, his legacy, and his family's reputation are more important.

Everything's gone so wrong.

He gave me my own helmet and said it was made from my mum's breastplate. Cue the awkward silence…

I don't know what to do. I'm lying in bed now. I have been for hours. I can hear him snoring below me. Tomorrow is the last round of Dragon training. I will be declared Champion. Dad will want to watch me kill the Nightmare. What do I do? I don't know what to do. Do I tell him about Toothless? Do I try to explain everything?

No. Stoick the Vast would never let a dragon live. He would kill Toothless, and I'd be a bigger shame than ever.

Toothless trusts me. Over the past ten days he's been a better friend than anyone on Berk has for the past fourteen years. Even Gobber. I can't betray him. I won't.

Toothless trusts me.

Haustmánuður, Harvest Month, Thirtieth day.

Training Toothless – Day 10

This will be my last entry. I am leaving Berk. I beat the Gronckle, and the Goethi chose me over Astrid to be Berk's Champion. I was carried out of the arena on Fishlegs' shoulders, with the crowd cheering. I am not a Viking. I can never be a Viking. Not while they think the way they think and act the way they do. I cannot undo three hundred years of traditions and customs. I cannot change the village's mind. I certainly cannot change my father's, and he runs Berk.

I have to leave. I have to leave to protect myself, and to protect Toothless. Midgard is a big place, or so trader Johann says. There are lands to the south, to the east, and to the west. I will find a place where Toothless and I can be accepted. I will find a place full of reasonable people. I will find a place far apart from all of this violence. I owe it to my friend, and I owe it to myself. Together Toothless and I can solve any problem, overcome any obstacle. He needs me more than Berk does. And I need him more than I need Berk.

I'm going to hide this journal. I'm leaving everything behind save for a basket of fish and a few other supplies. Perhaps this account will get burned in the next raid. I know that my father won't be the one to find it. I don't say this out of bitterness or anger, but out of simple fact. He never looks at anything twice.

If it is not found, then it does not matter, and if it is found, I know that by then I will be long gone. To simply vanish would be best. They'll assume I was eaten by a wild dragon. There's no way I can say goodbye without tipping someone off. Maybe the reputation my dad is so fond of will remain intact. That's the least I can do. After all, for fourteen years he put up with the worst Viking Berk had ever seen.

I'm going to split this chapter up into two parts. The next chapter will be Astrid-centric as well. I posted a paragraph at the start to give this chapter more context.

I have to admit, I'm a little nervous about posting this journal. I'm not convinced I managed to capture Hiccup's voice. Please let me know your thoughts on his characterization here. If there's anything you think I should tweak or change to better capture Hiccup, please don't hesitate to let me know.