Cedric was nervous.
He hadn't been this nervous doing his first standalone show as an anchor. He hadn't been this nervous in any job interview, in any journalism interview, or at any point in his life. This was his last chance to save something he loved. His only chance to have the life he truly wanted for himself.
He FaceTimed his father and showed him the table setting.
"Oh, bravo, my boy!"
Cedric smiled and said, "Just like mum taught me."
"Whom are you hosting? I'm happy to see you stepping out from below the dark cloud that's been following you. Though I do appreciate that the grief never leaves, just as your mother never leaves me."
"I know, father. I know. I'm making dinner for Parvati—"
"Oh?!" His father grinned. "Don't get my hopes up, Cedric. Are you reconciling?"
"I'm trying. Last Saturday after the funeral, she drove me home and offered to give our relationship another go. I was still embedded in the grief, so I didn't say anything and she walked away. This is me trying to save our relationship."
"A word of advice, son, you will never have the relationship you had before she lost the baby. The fun, the innocence of that time is forever gone. Parvati needs to look at you and see a man who will support her through that if it happens again. She didn't trust you last time and I don't know why. Make sure she knows she can trust you now."
Cedric grit his teeth, but his father was right. "Is there—" Cedric sighed. "Is there a chance I'm not good enough for her, dad?"
"No, my boy. You two are a good match, you only need to see the same future. But Parvati has always been more up-front about love than you, and you would do well to paint her a very crisp picture of the future."
"I was thinking more of groveling."
"Son, you know you won't impress a woman of that calibre by pleading with her. Show Parvati how much you want that future together. I'm surprised she has given you this chance at all."
"Me, too, dad. Me, too. Love you, and I'll ring you tomorrow."
"With good news, I hope."
"Bye, dad."
"Good luck, son."
Cedric ended the call and stepped back to survey the space. Their flat was small. His flat, he supposed, but it had been Parvati's, too, for awhile. The dining area was a bit small, with a cushioned bench against the wall and two padded chairs on the other side of the table. Parvati had painted the large canvas hanging on the wall above the bench. He put out the nicest plates, the gold ones. Machher jhol was warming, roti was on the countertop, paneer and his spiciest chicken vindaloo were also ready. Was it too much protein? Probably, but those were the only Bengali-slash-Indian dishes Cedric knew how to cook. He checked his watch and noted he had five minutes before Parvati was expected to arrive, which meant she was probably already standing outside the door.
He rushed into the bedroom and looked in the full-length mirror one last time. He'd gotten this suit pressed because Parvati mentioned she liked it once. He was in grey socks to match the colour of the suit, but the thin purple lines gave it a 'hint of personality,' as Pavi said. Cedric lived in blazers and sportscoats, yet this one didn't test well on camera so it had become his Pavi suit. He grabbed a bottle of cologne he knew she liked and spritzed it behind his ears. Cedric placed the bottle back in the cabinet and rushed over to the front door.
He waited for her to knock.
He knew Parvati was outside because she was always early but never wanted to enter before the scheduled arrival. Cedric jumped when she finally rapped her knuckles against the door. He took a deep breath and counted to five … four … three … two … one … And opened the door.
"Hi, Ced."
He took one look at Parvati and nearly fell over. She was in a dress that left her shoulders bare, the sleeves wrapped around the upper part of her arm. It was blue with a classy flower print and it hugged every part of her. Parvati's tits looked like they may pop out at a moment's notice. Cedric managed to say,
"You look incredible."
"Thank you. May I come in?"
"Yes, of course."
Cedric opened the door and stepped aside as Parvati entered. He closed the door and she pressed delicate kisses to each cheek in greeting. She said,
"You smell nice."
Internally, Cedric allowed himself to celebrate the small win. It was an uphill climb to get their relationship back, but a journey he was more than willing to take. He offered her his hand out of habit, which she took as she stepped out of her heels.
"Thank you, darling. Whatever you're cooking smells wonderful."
Thank you darling.
Like nothing had changed. Perhaps they weren't as far apart as he thought. Maybe Parvati was willing to reconcile after all. He nodded toward the kitchen / dining area / snug and said,
"Follow me or your nose, either will lead you to …" He gestured toward the table and said, "Dinner."
Parvati walked over to the dining table and pressed her fingertip against one of the teacups. She smiled at the candle and asked,
"You brought out the Wedgewood for me?"
"You deserve the best I have to give." Cedric took her hand and helped her slide onto the bench, a difficult task in so tight a dress. "Let me bring the meal over."
Cedric served Parvati one helping of each dish he'd cooked. She seemed pleased, which he took to be a good sign. By the time he sat in one of the chairs across from her, he felt like he was on steady ground. Parvati took her first bite of the fish and said,
"This is the best you've ever cooked it, Ced. Bravo."
"Thank you." He grinned and cut up his own piece of fish. "I want to apologise for my reaction to your offer on Saturday."
"You mean your silence in the face of my sincerity?" Parvati replied, without missing a beat. "There is no apology necessary. Your rejection is quite clear."
Cedric's resolve crumbled immediately. This wasn't a reconciliation for Parvati. She'd shown up in a sexy dress to remind him of what he, presumably, tossed away. Cedric insisted,
"It wasn't rejection, Pavi, it was difficult for me to process my emotions. We just buried Colin. Or," Cedric frowned, "I suppose planted him. Quite a beautiful ceremony—"
"I agree, it was quite incredible."
"When you offered to give us another real go of it, I didn't have it in me to respond."
Parvati conceded, "I suppose my timing was rather poor."
"It was, but you'd been through so much."
"You had also been through quite an ordeal, losing Colin then nearly Hermione."
"D'you know what I told her when she said she may not be coming back to our show?"
Parvati raised an eyebrow and asked, "What did you say?"
"I told her that I'd already lost the most important woman in my life, so I may as well lose the second."
"Am I truly so valuable to you?" asked Parvati.
She didn't know her role in his life at all. How could she not know? He told everyone how incredible she was. His father cried when Cedric told him they'd broken up. He insisted, rather lamely,
"Yes."
"You never spoke of our future until I broke up with you." Parvati said, "You always thought of me as temporary, Ced, and I never wanted to believe it. The sex was incredible—"
"Sex with you is amazing."
"—but you never wanted much more than that out of me. You wanted a pretty woman on your arm at parties, someone whose thighs you enjoy spending time between. Deep down I knew you didn't see yourself marrying me. I come attached to a religion you don't comprehend, languages you cannot understand, and a skin colour far darker than many people in your world of media would prefer."
Cedric insisted, "Your skin colour has never been an issue for me."
"Your lax approach to our future was an issue for me." Parvati tucked her hair behind her ear and revealed, "That is why I didn't phone you. I knew losing our child would make you see me differently, force you to see that it's not all fun and parties. The only way I could stay in your life was if I kept being your party girl, so I didn't wish for you to know what happened."
Cedric might as well have been punched in the face. Had he truly treated her so poorly? He loved Parvati. Even as his party girl, he still loved her rather desperately.
"I …" He shrugged. "I don't know if I have the words to say how sorry I am that you felt that way. That I made you believe I thought so lowly of you."
"Did you not?"
"Did I not?"
Parvati repeated, "Did you not think so lowly of me?"
"I think the world of you. I don't care if you never speak to me again after tonight, Pavi, but know that I love you with all my heart. All of it. You are beyond impressive, speaking as many languages as you do as well as you do. Yes, you are fun at parties because you are charming, adorable, and a fantastic dancer. Whether it is with me or some other bloke you decide to make the most fortunate man in the world, you will be a great mother. Your care, your empathy for everyone around you, Pavi, is incredible. I'm so sorry you didn't know that I see all these things in you."
"When did you tell me?" she asked. "When, name a single time you said I was impressive or that I would make a great mother."
"I told all my friends how much—"
"To me, Ced. Name a time when you ever told me."
"I thought you knew." Cedric shrugged and admitted, "I was always building up my girlfriends before you, trying to be a mirror for them in a way. I never needed to do that with you because you already knew the amazing things you're capable of."
"Yes, I do know all these things that make me amazing. However, I start to doubt myself when the man I'm seeing, the man I love, never tells me he sees those things, too."
"I must've—"
"The only things I knew you liked about me were my tits, my bum, my face, and my humour. In the days after the miscarriage, part of me was relieved I wouldn't be carrying a child for a man who didn't want me as a permanent part of his life."
Cedric ran a hand through his hair and stared resolutely down at the table. He was a horrible person. What sort of man didn't tell his girlfriend she's gorgeous? What sort of man allowed a woman to carry so much of the weight of their relationship on her shoulders?
"I think that's the worst thing anyone's ever said to me."
"Come again?"
He shook his head and said, "There is nothing worse than hearing the woman you love say she was relieved not to have your child. That having me there when it happened would have made things worse. My support wasn't welcome, wasn't helpful … Pavi, I don't know what to say. If this is how you felt about me, if this is who I am to you, I—" He cut himself off. "I don't think there is anything I can say other than I'm sorry."
"Look, Ced, I appreciate you doing all this. It's very kind of you to go about setting the table," she gestured toward the centre and said, "the candle is a very nice touch. I came tonight because I expected you wanted to apologise, and to give our relationship the end it deserves. I didn't realize you wanted to give it another go. You are the love of my life. I've never doubted it, I knew the moment we met, but you didn't. I've never felt like the love of your life; I've always been trying to prove I belong in it at all."
"That's not true."
Parvati insisted, "When you asked me to marry you, it wasn't because you loved me. You did it out of pity because I'd just been through something traumatic—"
"You had been through something traumatic!" Cedric shouted, "You had a miscarriage, Parvati! You and me, we never even got to think about having a baby before we'd lost one. How do you think I felt coming home to you here, finding you lying on the bathroom floor? I knew you'd been down there awhile because the tile had left an imprint on your cheek. I saw the blood on your knickers, which you'd tossed away like you couldn't bear to look at them. How do you think it felt to find you like that?"
Parvati shrugged and said, "I didn't know that it hurt you."
"Seeing you in pain hurts me. I care for you, Pavi. When something bad happens to you, all I want is to hold you and promise it will get better. Even through the pain, you managed to help me with Colin's eulogy, for which I will be eternally grateful. That's how fucking incredible you are. You lost a baby, then you nearly lost one of your best friends and you still found time to console me. To help me. How could I think anything other than the best of you?"
"I dunno, Ced, but you managed to for eight months. Then we broke up and all these words came to the surface for the first time. I love hearing this from you, but how am I to know this is real and not something you're only feeling in the moment?"
"Because I came to you at hospital, and you were here for me in the days before Colin's funeral. We are here for each other, Pavi. I am slow to love, I admit it. I didn't know how much I loved you until you were gone. You were right to leave me. I am sorry I didn't tell you what I felt before, but I'm not certain I knew."
Parvati didn't respond immediately. She went for the chicken dish and Cedric watched the tops of her tits shift like ocean waves as she moved. Every part of her was beautiful. It was hard to concentrate around her because she took Cedric's breath away just by doing the smallest things. Before Parvati took a bite, she placed the cutlery on the table and looked Cedric in the eyes.
"I will give you one chance right now to tell me something you should've told me before. Tell me what you need to say, and I will consider giving our relationship another go."
"I don't think we should, Pavi." It broke his heart to say, "If this is what you think of me, the man you didn't trust enough to phone while you were in the worst pain of your life, then I don't see a way through."
"Show me that I'm wrong!" She begged, "Show me you care for me, Ced, that you want a life with me. There is room for us to meet in the middle, but I need to know you won't be regretting our marriage thirty years on when my bum, my tits, and my face aren't what they are now."
Cedric stood up from the table and made for the bedroom. He couldn't believe she thought that his proposal was entirely out of pity. Fuck. Fucking fucking fuck fuckity fuck fuck. Was the timing a bit abrupt? Yes. He shouldn't have been so eager with it, should've waited, planned a proper proposal instead of dropping to a knee in the middle of their snug a few days after the miscarriage.
He opened his sock drawer and cursed himself for being an idiot. Cedric should have been more open with Parvati from the beginning. He was happy to have her as his 'arm candy,' but it was more than that. It was watching her charm everyone in her path. It was watching her the first time they slept together, the confidence she had in herself and her body. He could spend the rest of his life watching Parvati live hers. He grabbed the ring box from the back of his drawer and slammed it shut.
Very mature.
Cedric ignored the voice in his head and returned to find Parvati sitting just as he left her. He ignored his chair and slid onto the bench beside her. Cedric opened the box and placed it on the table, facing Parvati.
"Before my mum died, she gave me this. It was the ring my father used to propose, the ring my mum wore for thirty-five years. She told me, 'Cedric, someday you will find the right woman for you. You only offer this up once. You only offer this ring when you know she is the woman you will spend the rest of your life with.' I had it resized to fit you because I knew you were the woman for me. Size 8.5."
Parvati's voice was soft when she said, "You never told me about this."
"When did I have the opportunity?"
"When you were asking me to marry you."
"Oh." Cedric conceded, "I probably should've—"
"I have a compromise."
Cedric allowed himself a brief moment of hope. Parvati said,
"I want to marry you, I do. I want to have your children, Ced. If you feel as deeply for me as you say, then I think it's only fair I give you the opportunity to propose to me properly."
"Oh?"
"Yes. I want you to surprise me. Treat me to the proposal you know I want, and if you meet my standard then I will accept."
"Oh my God." Cedric grinned and asked, "You're not just offering to date me, you're asking me to ask you to marry you?"
"Properly," Parvati confirmed, "with this ring."