[a/n0]And a quick thanx to Kimberly T for an idea, upcoming soon.
[a/n]SciFi ran a Potterthon and this pair of quips came out of CoS.
Harry Does Different CDLXXVa
Goodness of My Heart
"If you can't control that bloody bird it'll have to go!" Uncle Vernon threatened his nephew as he came in reply to Aunt Petunia's summons.
To which Harry Potter replied, quite civilly "But she's bored. If I could only let her out for an hour or two?"
"What so you can send messages to your freaky little friends?" snapped the corpulent man.
To which the small boy bemoans "I haven't had any messages from any of my friends. Not one."
"Who'd want to be friends with you?" sneered the not quite equally large Dudley. Of course HE wasn't fat, just bigboned. As he walked past his cousin, he deliberately shouldered through, to which Harry gave a half-hearted shove back.
Vernon rolled his eyes and pinched his nose impatiently and scolded "I'd think you'd be a little more grateful. We've raised you since you were a small boy. Given you the food off our table. Even given you Dudley's second bedroom, PURELY OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF OUR HEARTS." Concluding with a dramatic squeeze of his chest.
"Your heart's on the OTHER side, uncle." Harry's shoulder was smarting from his cousin's impact, and angry enough to not to care about consequences "Your client might think you're the freak."
Vernon all but literally roared "Get out of here! And remember! YOU DO NOT EXIST!"
Harry was snickering as he passed Petunia on the way to Dudley's second bedroom.