[a/n-1]Manchester asked for Nasty Snape Pranks from the twins. Did some leafing through the collection that get there: HDD#29 and SoHDD#114 & #116. I couldn't locate the one that best fills the ask, but I remember writing where Harry & Co filled the Great Hall with Snivilus written literally everywhere.

[a/n0]Perhaps I was paranoid last time, but why take chances with chapter titles.

[a/n]This a Magitech idea. He offered the plot, but I'll let the story reveal.

Harry Does Different CDLXXXVa

So the Sorting Hat Said

Susan Bones, Hufflepuff: Hermione Granger, Gryffindor: Draco Malfoy, Slytherin: Philip Montgomery, Ravenclaw: Harry Potter …and after a tooth-grindingly long pause:: SLYTHERIN.

There was dead silence in the Great Hall. Even breathing, it seemed, had stopped. Whatever the universe expected, this wasn't it. Used to being in the limelight, usually negative, Harry didn't bother so much as shrugging as he made his way to the green and silver. Only wanting to avoid the blond git, he found space next to another First-Year boy and introduced himself.

"Theodore Nott. Of the York Notts." He replied, a different sort of Slytherin than who Harry was already exposed to. The boy didn't smile, but at least he was polite "I expect you know everyone knows who you are, though just your Sorting makes me expect you won't meet anyone's expectations. Unconfirmed rumor has it you didn't hit it off with the heir to House Malfoy."

The-Boy-Who-Lived tried an air of nonchalance "Oh? That should mean something to me?"

"Interesting." The new housemate replied in the same tone "We might begin discussions for at least a nonaggression pact."

Harry puzzled over the answer. He knew the words, but not really how they fit together in this new world, he said "My information on Malfoy is limited. Would you offer something?"

"Not here. Not now." Theodore acquiesced "Would you have a problem with a late night discussion?"

To this he shook his head "None at all. I'm a light sleeper."

Abcij

"We do NOT mix with Gryffindors, Potter." This was from a black boy …well, man…he had facial hair and may have been related to Hagrid except for the skin tone; he was so big.

This was the first of a trio of harsh slaps for the new wizard. He didn't know what the gold P badge might be and didn't care. As the big guy went about his business, Harry headed to his train-ride friend. Unaware of the scene he was creating said "Heya Ron, congrats. You said you wanted Gryffindor. Hope we'll have some classes tog- - -"

"Bugger off ya sodden snake!" the redhead hissed malevolently "And stay away from my sister when she starts!"

This was the second, and while totally shocked, he had a ready retort "What? That stupid little brat on the platform? Couldn't care less. And you owe me three Galleons for pigging out on the food I bought!"

"Mr. Potter, I will address Mr. Weasley." The stern Deputy inserted herself to break the tension between the boys. There was no outward sign she was more displeased with one or the other "Now follow your fellow Slytherins."

Abcij

Harry's third disappointment was in the form of his Head's welcoming speech. It was a sneering one that, more than once, seemed to focus negatively on him.

"And for the most important part" Professor Snape was concluding, again with an unpleasant look at one particular First-Year "your new House is largely despised by the others. In part, certainly, because of the running streak in which we hold the House Cup. I leave that to your prefects to discuss. To the point, no doubt you will begin competing for position, this is normal. I will not interfere with what happens here in the dungeon. OUTSIDE, however, you will display a united front. I promise severe retribution to violators of that dictate."

All the cowed children nodded and muttered "Yessirs."

"As regards our new celebrity." No one doubted to whom he was referring "No one is more surprised than me to see Mr. Potter here. Do not expect any favoritism from me for your implied importance."

So Harry, having already met the Wizarding equivalent of Dudley, now had someone to equate with Uncle Vernon. As with Privet, he merely sat in silence. The only positive message he received was the silent support of Theo Nott and the neutral looks of a couple of the girls whose names didn't quite click. Nor was there much change, in Harry's opinion, of Slytherin as the evening progressed. Left to his own devices, he fell asleep in his bed leafing through a text.

Abcij

"Now! Petrificus Totalis!" a group of older Slytherins had quietly silencioed the beds of all the other First-Year boys' beds and moments later yanked open the privacy curtains of their famous Housemate.

As he'd said, Harry was a light sleeper. He jerked awake just in time to see the light of the spell that paralyzed him. The attack, however, was highly intelligent; he could speak "Who are you? What did you do to me?"

"Well done Urquhart, Vaisey. Derrick feel free." The prominent white mask spoke and was slid up "By everything I heard about you, Potter, you're a serious threat to my professional Quidditch plans. It would have been bad enough to have you in Gryffindor, for instance. Getting on the team that has an empty spot. But I can't have you displacing me when I still have another year."

Harry had screamed through half of the little introduction. He was still whimpering as he tried, futilely, to clutch his left arm. One of the other white-masked people had smacked it… hard …with something that reminded him of a cricket bat.

"So arrogant, you Wizengamot types." On went the emotionless lecture "Couldn't be bothered to know my name, I'm sure. Well don't hold back boys. Do it like you mean it."

Abcij

"Students of Hogwarts" an unfamiliar witch was at the podium, all of the professors were in their seats at the Head Table. Breakfast had not been served as was usual by now "I am Amelia Bones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. For you new to the Wizarding World, Chief Police Inspector fits best. There is no use …as some would suggest… protecting you from knowledge that will be public in hours. Thanks to Fred and George Weasley for some unique assistance, we have located the body of one Harry Potter."

There was an immediate uproar that even Dumbledore's yell of "SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILENNNCE!" lacked sufficient power to quiet immediately.

"While the exact method applied is unclear" the DMLE director went on, not acknowledging the outburst in her current grimness "there is NO DOUBT it was murder. All evidence points to a particularly violent act. I wish to assure one and all that you will be protected. I have with me a score of Aurors who will remain until I decide otherwise. Their other task, of course, is a murder investigation. That will begin with an inspection of EVERY wand in this room. No exceptions. Not one of you will leave without being examined."

From the Slytherin table came "I protest! Wait until my father hears of this!"

"I haven't heard that since I was a Fifth-Year prefect." Madam Bones' humor was bland "You must be a Malfoy. Well, I assure you, I most definitely can. Now, so everyone is fully informed, you may decline to have your wand examined. The Department does not yet have a warrant. However, we will impound every untested wand until the Wizengamot Justice Committee hears the case. Now, to minimize disruption, I and my Aurors will be testing while you eat."

Abcij

While the testing started, one Slytherin, who had just moments earlier quite willingly surrendered his, whispered to another "Nothing but banishing, levitation and cleaning spells on our wands. Good thing, what?"

Abcij

"No great loss, nasty snake." A young Gryffindor was chewing on a mouthful of Corn Flakes "Told me to pay for the food on the Express."

The bushy-haired girl threw her buttered toast at him "Shame on you Ronald Weasley! A boy is DEAD! And let's see if your complaint stands the test. Based on the way I overheard you talk to Harry Potter last night, he was a great guy until you decided he was sorted wrong. As for the money, that's a real petty reason to be happy about a murder. If this is common for Gryffindor I might ask for a change. I will certainly try to befriend a Slytherin. It was good enough for The-Boy-Who-Lived!"

"Quite the smackdown there, Granger." Fred was more than a little snarky.

George had his wand out, produced a flower and floated it to the witch "Next best thing to House points."

"Thanks boys." Hermione blushed, feeling rather pleased with herself "A question: What did you do to help Madam Bones?"

The redhaired pair looked at each other then spoke in stereo "Classified! But we offer you the opportunity to learn our secrets!" That was when three aurors began collecting Gryffindor wands.