Hola! I'm back! Sorry about the long wait; I just got distracted by another side project.

I hope you enjoy

Song Inspired for this chap; Phoebe singing from Friends: "Are you in there, little fetus, in nine months will you come and greet us (I will buy you some Adidas 😂). I couldn't think of another song for this chapter.

It's been two weeks since Levi and I last saw each other. We had sex a week after my last cycle, and I've been such a nervous wreck, cleaning every surface of the house until it shines. The nannies have been worried.

I always helped around the house with the cleaning and the cooking anyway, but I don't know what else to do with myself.

Sitting still is not an option; I'm too focused on the possible life growing inside of me. Has my daughter made a home in my womb yet? I suppose she technically wouldn't have a gender yet, but sooner or later, she'll start to develop, and then she'll be born ten months later...

Oh, God. What will she be like? Will she be just as lazy as she was at age eleven, refusing to be born on her exact due date? Some babies aren't born for weeks after, and I start hyperventilating next, dropping the broom in my hands.

It clatters to the floor, breaking me out of my panicked state, and now all I do is stare at its thorny bristles.

At least I know of one person who'd appreciate my obsessive cleaning, but I suppose this is overkill, even for him. Levi still knows how to relax.

I'm wearing a headscarf and a face mask in the same fashion as he would, and maybe I do hang around with him too much. I'm starting to act like him now.

First Eren, and now me.

Levi's great and all, but I don't want to look like his twin. We're already too similar with our short statures and sad childhoods. We don't need to add another to our long list of similarities.

I pull my mask off, grimacing at the sweat on my face, then wipe my forehead. I should go for a walk. It's a sunny day. That will take my mind off things.

Placing the broom back in the closet (because I know he would appreciate that), I head outside and breathe in the fresh air.

The house is empty. The children are at the local schoolhouse in the village, so I should probably take this rare opportunity to be alone with myself.

Levi and I haven't visited each other in the Path since Trost. We decided it was best that we waited until I got my next period.

I should be due in a few days. So hopefully I should know soon.

I wonder if he's as nervous as I am; I wonder if he has been driving Hange and the others crazy with his own compulsive cleaning.

I bet he's wearing the same headscarf and mask as me right now.

I pull off the headscarf, making my way down the porch steps, then venture around the back of the house.

For some reason, I end up at the barn, hearing movement inside. There comes a sharp grunt and then someone hauls a barrel of hay.

I approach the door tentatively and peer inside.

It's the farmhand. He doesn't appear to have noticed me yet as he continues hauling hay with his pitchfork, a show of his remarkable strength, and I close my eyes.

A flashback plays before my eyelids, one of the farmhand with several other boys, but he's much younger, and they all throw rocks at me. One hits me in the cheek, grazing my face, and I cry.

I'd been lifting barrels of hay myself at the time, doing work at my family farm as that was all I ever. I never played outside or even interacted with other children, yet this boy saw fit to bully me.

I shouldn't hold it against him. He was a child himself, but the memory still brings a lot of pain.

Because of him I was convinced that other children were dangerous, and as a result, I was afraid to leave the farm.

He's making up for all that now by helping me out at the farm. Although he hasn't said anything to me directly, I know he feels bad, and I guess I should go a little easy on him. It takes a big person to admit they were wrong after all. And it takes an even bigger person to forgive.

If only all former bullies could be the same way. Some never grow beyond their childhood cruelties, just like my old ladies in waiting.

I never had female bullies growing up. I only dealt with boys, but I've learned that women can be far more vicious.

The door creaks next and I gasp, stepping back. It's too late. I've already attracted the attention of the farmhand.

He glances up, and his blue eyes widen the moment they find me. Now he fumbles, grabbing his hat from his head.

"Your... your Majesty..."

I don't speak. I just stare into that round, freckled face of his. I suppose it's too late now. No going back.

"Oh, hello... I was just... um..."

He's still wringing that hat in his hands, looking at everything but me, and it finally comes to my attention that he's nervous.

Why on earth would he be nervous? I'm just little Historia. Hardly threatening.

He scratches the back of his head, offering me a shy smile. "Sorry... I... uh... I'm not the best at royal protocol, Your Grace. Forgive me. I should bow."

The farmhand bends his body in a clumsy bow, but I wave my hands. "No, no, there's no need for that. It's fine. I don't mind."

He glances up at me surprised, and an awkward silence passes between us. A horse sighs in its stall, yet no other sound comes.

I glance at Silver's old stall, and my heart grows heavy at the memory of Levi brushing her coat and tending to her needs.

Midnight pokes his head out of the stall, and I smile, grateful to see my own steed. The farmhand looks after the horses and all the animals at the farm, and he does a splendid job.

All the animals love him. But he keeps to himself, never bothering with anyone at the house.

In fact, even as I stand there in the doorway of the barn, he seems uncomfortable, and I suppose I have overstayed my welcome.

"Sorry... I should let you get back to work."

Just as I go to turn out the barn, he calls out. "Wait... Your Majesty..."

I turn back, meeting his eyes. "Yes?"

Again, he grips that hat like it's his lifeline, trying to find his voice.

Is he trying to tell me something?

I step into the barn. "It's okay. You can tell me."

Opening his eyes, there's no denying the relief that flashes through his shining blues as he relaxes his tense shoulders. "I... just wanted to apologise... for all the times I threw rocks at yer as a boy. Please know that I didn't do it out of malice. I... I was just trying to..."

Words fail him now as he gulps, bowing his head. Sweat drips from his face, and I move closer.

"It's all right. There's no need to apologise. You were just a boy."

Again, more silence. He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "That's no excuse. Queen or not... that's not a way to treat a lady..."

I widen my eyes, and something comes over me. A smile spreads across my lips as tears sting the back of my eyes.

How can I still be mad at him? What kind of person would that make me? He here is, humbling himself, and doing all this free work at the farm. I can't refuse his apology. There's no doubt he's sincere.

"That's okay. I forgive you."

A breath stutters from his lips, and now he glances up, looking me in the eyes at last. "You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that, Your Grace. I promise... I am here now to make it up to you. Whatever you want, I will do it."

My brows crumple together. I'm not sure what he's trying to tell me, but I hope he understands that I would never ask anything more of him. He's already done enough. Not knowing what else to say, I brush my hair behind my ear and offer him one of my rare smiles.

His whole face falls slack when he sees me grinning, and for a moment, it's like his whole world stops. All he can do is focus on my smile.

Why do boys always look at me like that? I'm just plain little Historia in the end.

I go on. "There's no need. You're already doing so much. Thank you. I appreciate it. Do... do you have a name?"

He tells me his name, and my smile widens.

Funny that I never even knew his name until now. A boy who has frequented my memories on more than enough occasions. It turns out he has a pretty ordinary name too, but that doesn't stop the smile on my face.

"Well, it's lovely to finally be acquainted with you. I should leave you to your work."

"It's no problem, Your Grace. I was happy for the company. I'm... always around in case you need anything. Don't be a stranger..."

With one last smile in his direction, I leave the barn and head back to the house. His words echo back to me. "I'm always around in case you need anything..."

...

I get an awful surprise later that night. Blood stains my underwear, and I decide to lie on my bed, drowning in my sorrows.

It turns out I'm not pregnant, and a shuddery breath escapes me as I refrain from crying. It looks as if I had been worrying for nothing. I am not with child after all.

I will not meet my daughter ten months from now.

Who knows when Levi and I will get our second chance? I squeeze my eyes, tears gushing past my lashes. One drips down my face and wets the pillow, but there's no point in holding back.

Call it PMS, but I'm heartbroken. I honestly thought that time would have worked. I was so sure of it.

I tried my best, doing everything I could to ensure his seed got inside me. Maybe I hadn't angled my body right. I know it's nothing Levi had done; he was perfect.

The fault could only be mine. After all, I'm younger and less experienced. I have no idea how these things are supposed to work.

I'm too afraid to face him in the Path. I can't stand the way he will look at me. I am nothing but a failure; I can't do anything right.

I can't even get pregnant, and what if the plan fails because of me? What if the future I saw was a cruel lie that the Path decided to taunt us with?

I am a failure as a queen, and I am a failure as a wife.

I was right; Levi was better off without me.

A leaf of paper slips beneath the door, and I sit up. A laugh spills from my lips.

Tilly again. She does it a lot when I'm sad, drawing me pictures to make me feel better. Forgetting about my misery for a moment, I rise from the bed and approach the door, picking up her sweet drawing.

It's a picture of me with a particularly rotund belly, and I do a double-take. Wait. There's no way she would know about our plans. She's a child. She's intuitive, yes, but not to such extremes.

Goosebumps spread across my skin as I don't take my eyes off the drawing.

Why do I look so sad?

I open the door, and there I meet those wide, haunting black eyes, and that's how the two of us remain.

It's like she's peering into my soul, and I have no idea what to do or say. I should thank her. The drawing is beautiful, but I can't help but be a little unsettled.

Levi and Hange and I have sworn not to tell another soul about our plans. So how could this little girl know?

I clear my throat, hiding my wariness with a bright smile. I can't hurt her feelings. She's just a little girl, and despite her alarming accuracy, it's a pretty drawing.

She truly is talented. I'm even sitting on a rocking chair while gazing at the setting sun, and it looks like we have a little artist on our hands.

"Thank you, Tilly. It's beautiful."

A small smile curves her mouth as silence passes between us. She still doesn't talk very much. I've read to her a few times by the tree ever since Levi left, and it took me back to when Frieda taught me to read. I know she would rather it was Levi reading to her again, and I wish he could come back for just one more day.

The children miss him. Tilly misses him.

I miss him. Life at the farm is not the same.

I still have his trunk of things, and his clothes remain untouched (though I sleep with his cravat every night).

Tilly steps towards me at last and wraps her arms around my waist, and she really is small. Even I feel like a giant. The top of her curly brown head only reaches my middle.

She skips away down the hall next, and despite my gloomy mood, I smile.

Maybe Tilly's prediction will be right. I may just become pregnant after all.

Tilly's seriously creeping me out now. She's cute though, but come on. What is she, psychic?

Pft, and Farmer Kun, or whatever his name is. "Whatever you need, I will do it."

Yeah, you'll be eating those words later.

I'm not giving him a name as he never got one in the manga/anime in the end, but I will just call him Farmer Kun.

Except for a new chap next week. I know I said that last month or so, but I have no more side projects as a distraction now. The other one was just begging me to write and finish it.

Thank you for waiting.