Disclaimer: I own no IP claimed by any existing company that may appear in this story.
Ensign America
Clint stared at the blond man frozen in the ice. His flag-inspired costume was the stuff of legends. "So... we're just going to hit defrost and hope for the best?"
Nicholas Fury chuckled. "Hardly. Using lasers we are going to cut him out of the ice and slowly raise his temperature using infrared lamps, all while bathing him in the energy of the Vita Ray Projector, which was recovered from the original project."
"Can't we test it on someone who isn't a living legend first?" Clint asked.
"The number of Super Soldiers frozen in ice is rather small," Nick said dryly.
"Several people a year get buried in avalanches or fall through the ice and become frozen like the Captain here. I'm suggesting we find one of them and do a dry run to make sure everything works the way it's supposed to. I know they won't revive like we're expecting him to, but it'd be a shame if it turned out the lasers suffered from light refraction, the Vita Ray Projector couldn't keep a stable output, or... some other problem popped up that we weren't prepared for."
The scientists scattered about the lab fell silent and looked at Fury for direction, clearly agreeing with the agent.
Nick considered the idea for a moment and could find no fault with it. "Do it," he ordered.
One week later...
Clint raised an eyebrow as he stared at the second ice block; which held a snarling, blood-soaked figure wielding an axe. "Okay, I know this was my idea, but couldn't you find something better than Lizzie Borden's older brother?"
"He's not an axe murderer," Nick said dryly.
Clint looked at the figure one more time and then back at his superior.
The director of S.H.I.E.L.D. smirked. "A polar bear was preying on people in a small mining town on the border to Canada during the big blizzard a few years back. It'd gotten bold enough to attack large groups and had carried off a young girl from the lodge Mr. Harris was staying at. According to eye-witnesses, he snatched up an axe and chased after it. The girl returned ten minutes later, bleeding but alive. They had to wait nearly a week for the blizzard to die down enough for them to look for him, but neither he nor the bear were found."
"Looks like he found it," Clint said.
"And wounded it enough to kill it, as it never made another appearance," Fury agreed. "His body was uncovered by an avalanche last month and the locals kept him frozen in the hopes that someone could revive him. The only way we could find a more perfect test subject would be to make one."
"And in death he helps save one more life," Clint said, eyeing the frozen figure with approval.
"When you're ready," Nick told the waiting scientists.
True to Clint's predictions, the lasers had to be adjusted, as they left too much ice on the figure and the plug on the Vita Ray Projector had to be replaced due to a loose wire, but after several hours of careful work they restarted the process.
"Lasers to full," Jensen warned, as several robotic arms guided the beams in cutting the ice within a centimeter of the skin of their target.
"I thought we agreed to cut through the axe handle to lessen the amount of area they had to cover?" Fury questioned.
"The lasers are calibrated specifically to cut ice," Jensen said. "It should have cut through the handle anyway, but I'm guessing it's not actually made of wood, so the program adjusted the area they are cutting to take that into account."
"The Captain may have grenades on him, so avoid cutting anything," Clint suggested.
"Roger that," Jensen agreed, making adjustments to the panel in front of him.
"Steve Rogers, to be specific," Agent Coulson said as he entered with Natasha Romanova, a.k.a. The Black Widow.
"We're still doing the test run on the axe murderer," Clint joked.
"Powering up infrared heaters and Vita Ray Projector," Jensen announced.
"I already read the file on him," Natasha said, rolling her eyes at her partner.
"Core temperature rising rapidly," Jensen announced with a frown.
"What does that mean?" Phil asked.
"The Vita Ray Projector," Jensen decided. "It must cause heat in the target as a by-product. Someone shut it down."
"Plug's stuck," a lab assistant complained as she pulled at the cord.
"Core temp rising past awakening threshold!" Jensen called out as the ice began to crack and steam obscured the figure.
The Widow turned and threw a knife, cutting through the cord of the Vito Ray Projector just as a roar came from the steam cloaked figure and bits of ice showered the lab.
"Fuck!" the axe wielding man screamed, clutching his head for a second as the steam evaporated off him, showing ... a bit larger man than they expected.
"Was Mr. Harris that big a moment ago?" Clint asked.
"No, and he didn't have green hair either," Nickolas Fury said, un-snapping the holster on his side arm.
"Brain freeze," Harris complained with a groan before recovering and spinning around, his green eyes slowly focusing on his surroundings. "I don't suppose anyone's seen a large white furry thing? Likes to eat people..."
"The polar bear?" Clint asked.
Xander nodded slowly. "Polar bear... right."
"It's dead," Clint assured him. "The killings stopped the night you vanished."
"Vanished?" Xander asked, looking around nervously and noting the state of his clothes which had practically exploded off his larger frame and just hung in rags.
"You were found frozen in a block of ice," Clint told him.
"I..." He relaxed and nodded. "Okay, I can handle frozen in ice. How long have I been on ice?"
"Almost five years," Clint told him solemnly.
"Noooo!" Xander moaned and fell to his knees, sobbing. "My life is... gone. Passed while I slept..."
"Ghostbusters II, the new Star Wars," Clint said sadly.
"They - they came out?" Xander begged.
"Not nearly as good as the original," Clint said, laying a hand on his shoulder.
"Why, god?! Why must you torment me this way?!" he cried melodramatically.
Natasha and Nick exchanged looks.
"The... The Simpsons?" Xander asked hopefully, looking up at Clint with tears in his eyes.
"Still on the air," Clint promised, giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze.
"Oh, well that's okay then," Xander said getting to his feet.
"Dear god, they're two of them," Phil muttered.
"Okay, so I've been revived after five years in the deep freeze and I did kill the wendigo err polar bear," he said. "Why and how did you know to thaw me out and why do I look like I've been bogarting the steroids?"
"You were just a test run of the equipment. We thought you were a corpscicle," Clint said with a shrug.
"Test run?" he asked, looking around and spotting the other block of ice and its occupant. "Great googly moogly!"
"Yeah, we have no idea why you got bigger or have green hair. Hell, we don't know why you actually revived."
"Well, as a former corpsicle let me say thanks, and can I get a hot bath and some clothes?"
"And a complete physical," Fury said firmly.
"Fine, but I'm not a lab rat or a prisoner," Xander said, drawing the line.
"Not a prisoner, but you may have to act as a lab rat until we can figure out what happened to you and make sure you're stable," Nick countered.
Xander rested his axe on his shoulder and tapped his chin as he thought. "If it takes too long or gets too close to the Mengele line, we'll have problems."
Fury nodded. "That's reasonable. Romanova, please escort Mr. Harris to the infirmary."
"Certainly," she agreed, giving Xander her most charming smile, which caused Mr. Harris to hide behind Clint.
"Now what's the problem?" Fury demanded.
"The last insect woman I ran into tried to eat me," Xander said nervously.
"Insect woman?" she asked, smile still in place.
"Tight leather, red hair, hourglass symbol on your belt," Xander listed off. "If you aren't a Black Widow, I don't know what is."
Natasha blinked, surprised he'd read her so well.
"Coulson, please escort Mr. Harris to the infirmary," Fury said with a sigh.
"On it boss," Phil agreed, waving for Xander to follow him, which he did while still carrying his axe and being careful not to turn his back on Natasha 'til they'd passed out of sight.
"I don't know whether to feel complimented or insulted," she admitted once they left.
Fury nodded. "Wendigo, insect woman, lack of surprise in unusual situations. This has all the earmarks of being in Dr. Strange's territory."
"How do you figure?" Clint asked.
"Because unless I miss my guess, that was a demon hunter."
AN: Typing by Ordieth!